A/N: This chapter starts with the scene in the trilogy where Ana returns the books he gifted her (ch 15). Again, portions taken from the book are highlighted.

Joan: I agree! Men are clueless. Only another woman can fully understand.

In this chapter, we will explore CG's mind a little bit.

Chapter Ten: Before I Go

Songs: Someone Like You by Adele & Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi.

CPOV

In the days after the graduation, he hadn't heard much from Ana except for a single text that read:

Please don't call me. It's over.

On the surface, the message seemed pretty clear, and then it wasn't. Even though it didn't contain any abbreviations or internet lingo; it still left him scratching his head.

In the digital world, pseudocodes were very useful as they allowed rapid visualization of the algorithms. Pseudocodes were based on natural language; the difference was in their reduced set of words and limited number of verbs. As it followed, the greatest advantage of using pseudocode was the elimination of ambiguities by providing a single interpretation.

Just like to understand each other, people must speak the same language, we need a shared code to communicate with a computer. The algorithm ( or problem-solving operations) necessary to communicate what is on our minds must be translated into programming through an intermediary. We need a tool that allows us to represent algorithms in a way that can be understood by a programmer, who will then translate them into a specific language. The problem is ambiguity, which can lead to confusion and incorrect programs. Therefore, natural language is not appropriate for the representation of the algorithm. Natural language is perfect for relating stories or writing a `recipe, but certainly not for computer programming. For this, we need algorithm diagrams with a straightforward flow of execution.

Christian was good at identifying algorithm diagrams. AI algorithms were critical for the electric vehicle industry. Their aim was to mimic natural thinking and action. He recognized that today Tesla was facing valid concerns regarding costly manufacturing, increasing energy consumption, and carbon emissions. Among other applications, he was working on looking for dynamic alternatives for recharging lithium-ion batteries when vehicles were stopped at a traffic light. This would make it possible to travel long distances without worrying about recharging the battery.

The future of AI went beyond the exciting world of self-driving cars that anticipate a person's every move. Some predictions indicated the very real possibility of AI's deep learning models becoming available to the general population. Eventually, deep learning would be able to reason like the human mind and capable of abstract thinking. AI and deep learning were in their infancy as they depended on human input. No doubt, in the near future, these machines could possibly create new technology themselves without human interactions.

Artificial intelligence would inevitably dramatically change the way we live, work, and play. One day, smartphones will rule the world. They will become a thousand times smarter AND capable of managing every aspect of people's lives by seamlessly performing complicated and mundane tasks. In theory, it would even be possible for AI to take care of people. It could mean the end of suffering for segments of the population, especially the infirm, young children, and disabled persons.

Back to Ana. If only he could develop a pseudocode to help him navigate her heart and translate her intricate language into something he could work with.

Every time he'd tried calling her, the call had gone to voicemail. So he'd decided to stop by her apartment and ring the doorbell.

After what seemed like an eternity, an eye scrutinized him through the peephole before opening the door.

"Christian. What are you doing here?"

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That, for me, isn't over.

"I thought we celebrate your graduation. Nothing beats a good Bollinger."

Realizing she had no plans to let him inside, he motioned to the kitchen counter. "May I?"

She opened the door rather slowly. Christian went right ahead and placed the bottle on the counter.

"Thank you," she said in a tone too formal for his liking. "Kate is here," she said, "with her boyfriend."

Was it his imagination, or was Ana nervous about something?

She then apologized for the miscellaneous boxes scattered on every possible usable surface.

Disappearing behind a cupboard, she returned with a large box. Christian immediately recognized it as the one he had mailed containing books and everything she needed for her classroom.

I can't accept them. They're too much," she said, setting them on the counter.

I can't fucking believe she's returning them.

"Are they for the wrong grade? That's an easy fix."

"No, it's not that. I don't take charity."

"Oh, c'mon. Don't be so proud. "I want you to have them."

"Fine. I'll donate them to the school...that way, they can distribute them as they see fit."

"As you wish," Christian said, unable to hide his disappointment.

Ana glanced nervously down the hallway to where he presumed the bedrooms were. Her body language was standoffish, nearly to the point of rudeness.

"You're upset at me still?"

"Did you read my text?"

"I never pegged you for one of those girls that thoughtlessly ends a relationship over text."

"You and I will never work, Christian."

"Anastasia..."

"Why do you insist on calling me Anastasia?"

"Because it's your name, and I love how it sounds."

...

Christian and Ana turned in unison to see Elliot and Kate waltzed into the room. Apparently, they'd been hanging out in Kate's room.

"Ho-ho Ho, if it's not my little brother!" Elliot said in a quasi-imitation of Santa Claus.

"Small world," Christian mumbled begrudgingly. The last thing he'd expected was Elliot getting involved with Ana's best friend.

"And so we meet again," Kate said, less than thrilled.

Christian first interaction with Kate had been at the graduation. His first impression of Ana's best friend had been decidedly negative; granted, she had good looks and, if her diploma was any indication, a brain to match. However, the girl was nosy and had an abrasive personality. During the ceremony, she'd had the nerve to ask him point-blank about his intentions with Ana. He'd glared at her in response. It wasn't the time or place.

But Kate Kavanaugh had been determined not to be ignored. A few days later, she'd called him to give him an earful. Apparently, along with his phone number, Ana had told Kate EVERYTHING.

And then, she had dropped the bomb. The bomb that made him feel like the biggest jerk in the world.

Kate had accused him of taking advantage of Ana, whom she described as an innocent.

Now, his first impression was that no one was on trial here, so there was no need to use that kind of language. It slowly dawned on him that the blonde used the word 'innocent' to mean pure, unblemished. His super analytical brain recalled the scene at the bar with an intoxicated Ana shouting something about a ring and sex. Eventually, by word association, he concluded that he had taken Ana's virginity.

In any event, whoever said men and women are from different planets was right on track. Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus...or is it the other way around?

"So this is the girl you were talking about?" Christian said to Elliot, sneering at Kate. Ugh. Of all the women in the world!

That remark earned him a glare from Kate. If looks could kill, he'd be dead. He could care less what the blonde thought of him.

"Sounds like we have some catching up to do, bro." Elliot then turned to Ana with a smirk. "And I'm guessing Ana is the girl you WEREN' T talking about!?"

Christian rolled his eyes.

Ana's cheeks turned red under Elliot's scrutiny.

During the awkward silence that followed, Ana rushed to put the Bollinger in the fridge.

"We would love to stay and chat, but Kate and I have dinner plans," Elliot said, pulling her into his arms and giving her a long, lingering kiss.

Oh, please, get a room, Christian thought. He was appalled at their lack of modesty. It seemed like those two couldn't keep their hands off each other for five minutes.

...

"Your brother is a riot," Ana said after the couple left.

"Don't let appearances fool you," Christian replied. "Elliot can be a force to contend with."

"As long as he doesn't break Kate's heart, he's fine with me."

He tried bridging the distance between them, but she slithered her way behind the kitchen counter, making it impossible for him to get around.

"Let's grab something to eat," he said, attempting to coax her out of her cozy little corner.

Ana shrugged one shoulder before shaking her head. She then mumbled something under her breath.

"What did you just say?"

"Never mind."

"Tell me," he insisted, eyes darkening.

"I said never mind... I wish nothing but the best for you, Christian... seriously."

She couldn't possibly mean that...could she?

"Are you going back to him...Jose?" He asked anything to keep her talking.

"That's none of your damn business."

What wouldn't he give to be able to wipe the smirk off her face! But, unfortunately, he had no leg to stand on. He'd messed up big time.

He had no excuse for taking away her virginity the way he did. He'd been selfish and made assumptions. Ana was nothing like Lindsey or Amanda, who thought nothing of relying on plan B as their go-to birth control.

Ana was so different; he found her candor fascinating.

In any event, all he knew was that he couldn't give up that easily. He was prepared to use every weapon in his arsenal.

And she would come back to him, even if it took a thousand years.

"I love you, Anastasia Steele. My feelings for you are stronger than I could have possibly imagined."

She looked away, her expression unexpectedly cold-hearted.

"Sorry, but I don't feel the same way. I do wish you the best though...that you find someone else and be happy."

Christian cursed under his breath. How could she reject him after wearing his heart on his sleeve? He'd never EVER humbled himself like this before.

"I refuse to believe that." I refuse to let this be goodbye forever.

She shook her head adamantly. "You and I, it will NEVER work."

"Why not?"

"We don't want the same things in life."

"Is this about?" He cocked his head. He'd been such a clueless fool. He'd been so busy thinking about his needs that he'd neglected to ask her what she wanted. "Is this about having me not wanting a family?"

Ana nodded. Her pained expression sent a pang straight to his heart.

"I think it's better to peel off your bandages while they're still fresh. When I was growing up, my dad always said it hurts more the longer we wait. I didn't always believe him, you know," she smiled a little. "I insisted on wearing them past their usefulness, but I think he was right...sometimes it lasts, and sometimes it hurts instead."

All of a sudden, Ana rushed to open the door. She held it wide open, her gaze dropping to her feet. All he wanted was to pull her into his arms, and kiss her, and never let go.

And he would have if Kate hadn't walked in at that very moment, claiming she'd forgotten something. But, instead of taking- care- of- whatever- the-hell she needed, she lingered at the door.

"Is something wrong?" obnoxious Kate said, "You both look like you're heading for a funeral."

"Christian was just leaving."

Christian shuffled his way toward the door.

"Before I go, was there something I could have said to make it better?" Christian asked, focused on Ana, knowing he would never EVER be able to find someone like her.

Ana shook her head, her gaze shifting to Kate, who looked as though she was itching to use her big mouth to speed things along.

"I did what you wanted," Ana mumbled softly.

His gut clenched like troubled water running cold just below the surface.

What could he possibly reply to that? No doubt, any reply coming from his lips would sound flippant and insensitive.

They say time was supposed to heal ya, but this won't.

Don't forget me, he wanted to shout to the four winds as he stepped out the door, but the words promptly died in his throat.