Chapter 2:
The Histeria Crew arrives at the North Pole.
"You said we were going to see a movie," says Father Time.
"That was a lie with the deception and the trickery," says Nostradamus.
"I've gotta stop saying yes when someone invites me to the movies," says Father Time, "it always turns out to be a trick."
"He's here," says the elves as they cheer.
"They sure like you here," says Froggo.
"They should," says Father Time.
Then Santa came out. "Hello...Father," says Santa.
"Nicholas," says Father Time.
"Wait, you're Santa's Dad," asks Toast.
"Nicky," says World's Oldest Woman.
"Mother," says Santa.
"Why didn't you guys tell us," asks Bill Straightman.
"It never came up," says World's Oldest Woman.
"Wow, we're in the North Pole," says Pepper Mills.
"It's so magical," says Charity.
The Big Fat Babies all approach Santa. "My, look at all of you. You've all lost some weight since the last time I saw you."
"What do you want," asks Father Time.
"Dad, listen, I hurt my back," says Santa.
"What? Why didn't you say so," asks Father Time, "what can I do?"
"Fill in for me."
"You gotta be kidding."
"Dad, I need..."
"Don't you think I'm a little busy," asks Father Time.
"Dad, your show hasn't been on since the 90's."
"Well... I still gotta manage time. I'm sorry, but..."
"But what about Christmas," asks Charity.
Father Time sees her sad face and then sighs. "Fine, someone get me a red suit."
The Big Fat Babies all cheer.
"Hey, maybe we could make this a Histeria Christmas special," says Bill Straightman.
"That's insane..." Father Time then sees himself on a stage in front of an audience. "Okay, I guess we're doing this. Uh... today on Histeria..."
"Histeria," says Charity.
"HISTERIA," shouts Loud.
"Histeria," says World's Oldest Woman.
"Histeria," says Pepper Mills. Then she screams.
"We're saving Christmas," says Miss Information.
"Christmas," says Cho.
"Yes, now," says Lucky Bob.
"Christmas," says Fetch.
"And our special guest host is... my son, Santa," says Father Time.
"Ho-Ho-Ho," says Santa, "while my back's hurting, Dad's gonna fill in for me. Now, who's ready for what's possibly the only Histeria Christmas special?" Everyone cheers.
. . .
"The year 1843," says Father Time, "Charles Dickens was trying to think of a new book.
"He's an old miser who hates Christmas," says Charles Dickens, while he's going out for a walk at night, "but I need more then that! I know, Santa comes... no, a Christmas story doesn't always have to have Santa. Wait, what if Scrooge finds out he's a Father... no, that's just pathetic."
"MERRY CHRISTMAS," shouts Loud.
"Do you mind," asks Charles Dickens, "I'm trying to think of my story!"
"WHAT'S IT ABOUT?"
"So, far, I got a lonely old miser who hates everyone and everything."
"HE SOUNDS LIKE A GROUCH!"
"Yes, now, run along little boy... hey, what happened to your leg?"
"I SLIPPED ON SOME ICE AND BROKE IT AND NOW I HAVE TO WALK WITH THIS CRUTCH!"
Charles Dickens then thinks. "That's it! A young boy who walks on a crutch!"
"AND?"
"That's all I got."
"BOO!"
"Go jump in a lake!" Charles Dickens then walks away.
"HE'S A GROUCH TOO!"
"Maybe I should try songs... in a book? That's just..."
Pepper Mills screams in excitement. "It's you! I can't believe it! You're the best writer ever! Can I have your autograph?" Charles Dickens signs. "Thanks... hey, you're not Stephen King!"
"Steve who? Look, I have no time for this. I'm trying to think of something for my story. So far, I got an old miser who hates the world and a kid who walks on a crutch."
"Maybe that graveyard over there will help," says Pepper Mills.
Charles Dickens then thinks. "That's it! The old miser will have a dead partner!"
"And?"
"That's it."
"Lamesville."
"Don't bother me!" Charles Dickens then walks away. "Maybe the miser could be framed for a crime he didn't committ... no, that's stupid."
"Hey Mister, wanna buy some snacks," asks Cho.
"Here's snacks," says Lucky Bob.
"I'm not hungry," says Charles Dickens, "I'm busy!"
Lucky Bob starts humming.
"He's humming," says Cho.
"What is he humming," asks Charles Dickens.
"Bob's humming Bugs Bunny's song," says Cho.
"Bob's humming bugs... that's it! I could give the miser a catch phrase! Bah Humbug!"
"And," asks Cho.
"That's it."
"You are correct, Sir!"
"I'm walking away." Charles Dickens was at his house, but everyone was there. "What do you all want?"
"We want to know how your story's going," says Charity.
"I have no idea! So far, all I got is an old miser who hates everything, his partner's dead, he says 'bah humbug', and there's a kid with a crutch! I'm a terrible writer!"
"Lots of writers have problems," says Toast, "and we should know because we exist in every timeline. We can be in the past, present, and future."
"Maybe you need a ghost writer," says Aka.
"Wait... that's it! Three ghosts could show the old miser his past, present, and future and that could help him change his ways! Now, I just need a title!"
"In the mean time, we could all start caroling," says Charity.
"That's it! I'll call it 'A Christmas Carol'!"
"And so 'A Christmas Carol' was born," says Father Time.
"What do you think," asks Charles Dickens.
"We like it," says the Three Ghosts.
. . .
Kid Chorus: Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)
Kid Chorus: 'Tis the season to be jolly
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)
Kid Chorus: Don we now our gay apparel
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)
Kid Chorus: Troll the ancient Yuletide carol
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la
Fa la la la la, la la la la la la
Fa la la la la, fa la la la
Fa la la la la, la la la la la la
Fa la la la la, fa la la la
Kid Chorus: See the blazing yule before us
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)
Kid Chorus: Strike the harp and join the chorus
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)
Kid Chorus: Follow me in merry measure
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la, fa la la la la, la la la la
Kid Chorus: While I tell of Yuletide treasure
Big Fat Baby: (Fa la la la la, la la la la)
Fa la la la la, la la la la la la
Fa la la la la, fa la la la
Fa la la la la, la la la la la la
Fa la la la la, fa la la la
Kid Chorus: Fast away, the old year passes
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)
Kid Chorus: Hail the new, ye lads and lasses
Big Fat Baby: (Fa la la, la la la, la la la, la la la, fa la la, la la la, la la la la)
Kid Chorus: Sing we joyous all together, oh
Heedless of the wind and weather
Big Fat Baby: a la la la la, la la la la (hey)
Fa la la la la, la la la la la la (oh)
Fa la la la la, fa la la la (oh)
Oh oh fa la la la la, la la la la la la
Fa la la la la, fa la la la
Kid Chorus: Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la
Kid Chorus: 'Tis the season to be jolly
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la
Kid Chorus: Don we now our gay apparel
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la
Kid Chorus: Troll the ancient Yuletide carol
Big Fat Baby: Fa la la la la, la la la la
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Fa la la la la, la la la la
La la la la, la la la la!
The audience cheers. Charity then kisses Loud on the cheek again. "Mistletoe," says Charity.
"YUCK! WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?"
. . .
Father Time was alone with the sleigh. He then sees a certain bell. "The Time Bell I let him borrow and he never returned it," says Father Time, "I probably shouldn't... I'll worry about it later." Father Time then walks away.