Chapter 11. Somebody to Hate
Kim finally released from the brigade's headquarters three days later from that incident. There were no separate charges against him. Even if it was too much to literally beat and kill a robber in the store in the first place, it was a dangerous situation for not only himself but also the lives of innocent civilians, so self-defense was sufficient. Although the local police in Vietnam protested, it seemed that the commanders somehow managed to cover it up.
What they rather paid attention to, was the destructive behavior shown by Kim. A person who did not use such excessive violence was committing such a cruel murder without showing any hesitation, connected with some hypothesis that this could be related with that viral weapon that he had recently been infected and cured. There was no application for murder, but in front of Kim, who got contained again due to the possibility of 'that affection', a doctor he met at the Military Hospital in Na Trang few weeks ago, appeared again. What she said was still makes Kim confuses as hell.
"What do you mean, 'Selective Psychopath'?"
"I know it's hard to take, but it's the maximum approximation we can make, Sergeant Kim."
"Apart from accepting whatever it is, yes. I admit that I'm a guy that never had a chance to even go near a college in the first place, but I know this one thing. If the psychopathic trait is labeled selective, it's nothing else except just a hypocrite behavior of obey to the power, and being asshole to the weak. And I can prove that I'm not that kind of person."
"Well, that's what we knew, too. But In your case... This is bound to be selective, no matter how we look at it. I've collected all the data that can be used and analyzing it, but this characteristic or behavioral type has never been reported in the academic world. Whoa, if I actually write a thesis with this, I'll probably able to get more degrees."
"You trying to Fucking with me or something?"
"Of course not. But I just stress that characteristics and behaviors you are showing right now are the cases that have never been reported before."
"If you keep emphasizing this crap one more 'Fucking' time, then I'll personally make that kinda experience to you, where you can write it to your own paper!"
The military police guys reacted sensitively even though Kim was only slightly flip out, so he needs to get through some hard time. But anyway, the doctor and Kim were able to end the meeting, not hurting any parts of each other's body but also in their mental.
The doctor's concludes like these. There was no problem with Kim's usual thoughts, emotions, personality, and judgment. But at some point, or if he received a stimulus that could not be characterized, the tendency of those damn-nation zombies seen in the New Mexico Plateau, could emerge. The intemperate aggression that temporary lost its own logic and reason.
Kim questioned himself as this is nonsense as hell or not. Christ. He thoughts that Virus-thingy got cured 100%. Right now, Kim can't feel any kinda desires to kill anyone at random and also don't want to do that himself, but he can do it without any restraint or hesitation at some point? What the hell?
It's not like killing Viet Cong or NV troops. One is a 'Shit-ful job' that need to be done during to perform of military operation, and the other one, killing anyone just because he wishes, will be a mental illness. He thoughts about it as he walks back to the 17th Combat Battalion headquarters.
Still, It is difficult to believe the doctor's words straight away, but if he recalls that what he did to the poor robber at the Kamori Grocery once again, he could clearly judge himself that he was quite far from normal at that time. Then that does mean that the doctor is not saying bullshit.
Christ. It's so far from a typical day could be happened in Vietnam.
Lt. Col Carlson sits at his desk, reading the operation report. It said that he reads it, but actually he is more likely just passes over it as pretend as he's looking at it. In the first place, he did not try to remember it under the Military Security Act, and although this paper will be shredded by the document shredder in the office, and will completely forget in here, so he did not want to take a look at this horrible detail without any needs. Kim, is just standing in front of his desk, as he did during the operation instructions, a few weeks ago. But with the darker shadow on his face, darker and very dissatisfied expression.
Carlson also aware of this. He well aware that Kim's hostility towards him right now will be beyond his exception. It was because of the Superior's decision in the first place, but still, it was Carlson himself that pushes the operation to commence with compulsion and intimidation. So, as the result, most of the infantry platoon, also with the backup team, are all got annihilated, and the Platoon Leader himself suffered by the effects of Viral Weapons almost just before his death, and hardly got cured. Carlson admitted that he had underestimated Kim too much.
Carlson put the document down on his desk and throws a cigarette into the dented ashtray. He then stares to Kim silently. He thought about praise that he truly worked hard, or expressing condolence to the Sparrow 2 platoon members who couldn't return, but now he well aware that it's gonna be impossible to comfort him or calm this fella's anger no matter how he acts right now. Carlson just decided to use the next best thing.
"... If you have any questions, you may ask me. Anyway, Lieutenant Sophia is also out for a while, so if it's not about the information that will never be allowed to leave this room, you can ask me."
"... What happens to about our fallen members, sir?"
"The highest elite officers were sent to inform the bereaved families about this tragedy with the utmost respect. Although the bodies have not been recovered, a proper funeral will be held for all and compensation will be paid to the families."
"... Is that all, sir?"
"Don't you know about the systems in here very well, too? How much we could do to the fallen."
"..."
Kim felts very uncomfortable about this, but there was nothing wrong. Damn this system.
"How the New Mexico Plateau will be handled, sir?"
"There are rumors that secret negotiations between us and North Vietnam, the Soviet Union and the Chinese Communist Party will take place soon. Some said that the area's self-purification will be impossible, so they will use the method of complete destruction and incineration with atomic bombs. Rumor says that they are aware of the seriousness of the situation and will condone it just once."
"What will happen to the things I brought?"
"What things? Did you collect anything from there? What did you bring? Well, the field control peoples will know best."
Carlson responded in an innocent tone. This tone is a tone that he uses to refer to sensitive facts, such as Top Secrets, that the things are difficult to say directly. It is a way of letting go of facts that appear to be negative but can be guessed.
"Well, whatever you had brought, it's probably not going to be officially announced as it was a secret project and a secret operation. And if the things really exist, then they'll probably wouldn't have been shipped to the mainland for the further research? Maybe there wasn't much that could have been done even if that shit still had remained here on site."
Carlson turned his chair and said as he looked out the window. Under the sunset sky, Kim also could see the Camp Geronimo's day, seeing it for six years, but still always looked the same. The busily-moving soldiers, trucks and armored vehicles, helicopters and fighter jets flying endlessly.
"The pilots of the RAF 83rd Expeditionary Air Group have already got noticed too. They will have no idea what happens in this operation, either. The guy that in the brigade's medical unit, was it Paul? Go visit that fella, and warn him not to stretch his imagination too far. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Sir."
Carlson takes a fresh cigarette out, lit it, and take a long sip.
"Considering a work and performance obligations for the time being, you have done, I'm let you can off for a daily routine or operations for a moment. I'd like to give you a furlough or a night out, but there was something you had done a few days ago, so I was wary of the division command. Do you have any other questions?"
"... Negative, sir."
"You can go, then. And one more thing, when you meet Lieutenant Sophia, tell her to come back to the office."
Kim saluted and left the battalion commander's room.
When Kim stands for a while at the entrance to the battalion H.Q. building, the fading sunlight flashes his eyes. He could see a busy base's scenery. Each men are moving hard with their own goals, and he wondered what is he doing and thinking about what while standing in the middle of that.
There was also a choice to return to the empty hut and sleep or doing some miscellaneous things, but Kim still have one thing to finish within today. Kim goes back to his main office, the transport team, and start his truck, which was standing in the corner of the garage, not renting any un-occupied car as he did last time.
Sergeant Chase, who was in charge of the same company's physical training, turned his head as he heard a horn honking behind him. Kim was approaching, with driving his truck. Chase walked to Kim after giving the order to 2nd squad leader right next to him, to take charge of the rest of the soldiers. Some soldiers recognize Kim and starts to talk in whispers. Only few people on the base knew about the 'O.M.N.I.C takeback' operation, of course that thing was confidential from the beginning, but about the murder that happend a few days earlier, had already spread widely. Chase tried to ignore that sounds. Anyway, it was a self-defense act to Kim, for a purpose of relieving civilians, not just meaningless killing, despite the fact that the incident scene was quite gore and disastrous.
"Kim, you okay? I heard..."
"Do you know where the Lieutenant Stone is? I need to talk to you and Lieutenant in person."
But Kim cuts the Chase's talk, and starts to speak. Although He had already done it once to specialist James at transport comp, Chase was surprised by Kim's act, who had never shown such a tendency to anyone.
"Well, what is it?"
"Whatever it is, I haven't seen you in a long time, Kim. I was hoping that you show up here more often."
Lieutenant Stone put his hand on Kim's shoulder before Kim knows. Stone had a smile on his face, but he puts away the smile just as soon as he saw Kim's face and voice were darker than usual.
After coming to the corner of the training ground, to prevent others from hearing them, Kim takes out the photo, that he had found from Captain Winston's note. As soon as Chase and Stone saw the photo, they both noticed why Kim looked so serious than usual.
"It's Captain Winston... Then, is this mean..."
Kim nodded silently. Lieutenant Stone take over the photo from Kim.
"Since he hasn't seen since last year, I thought he might have been transferred to somewhere else, but if so, I thought he could at least send some news or what to me. I wanted to believe the possibility that might could be, but I finally know the answer."
Lt. Stone said weakly. The cigarette between his forefinger was slowly burning.
"I... I just… How?... How did he?... Where did he have been...?"
Chase asked Kim. But Lt. Stone put his hand on Chase's knee and shook his head. He wouldn't have wanted to hear what the end of his good colleague was like. Kim, too, couldn't say it because the whole thing is entangled with the Top-Secret facts, though. But at least he could say this one word.
"At least he didn't end in lonely, though. He tried to command the platoon until the end. He was a good commander."
Chase lost his words, too. Stone turned his head and wipes a little bit around his eye. Kim also not in a good mood either. When the fact that Ottawa 3 had been annihilated keeps getting reminded in his memory, he constantly remembers the Sparrow 2 that he was in charge. The thoughts about the dead platoon members did not leave his mind. All the precious peoples, who had been together even before he becomes the non-commissioned officer, and now all dead. At least Paul survived, but Kim instinctively knew. His bright and innocent inner self also died together, in that cursed jungle. Kim had put down his humanity or other miscellaneous things for a while, but at least he could have prevented others from doing so, but he didn't.
Only a few weeks passed, but during those few days, too many peoples are gone. Kim also had to watch the last images of those who had to end their lives in that damn place. He had to watch the fate of those whose bodies could not even be recovered and disappeared completely.
Kim didn't live like this, hoping for something, but he wondered if the world needed to be this harsh to him.
And, most of all, when after a long time passed away, the fact that it will be just buried as a small story in history, of what would be remembered as a most cursed memory to him, makes him so hopeless.
There is nothing any more he could do in front of the huge flow of time.
There is nothing left but to be forgotten from everyone, just getting old and falling down as the same way that everyone in history did. With memories that will never be erased for the rest of the whole life.
Chase and Stone each walked in the direction they should go. The handshake with them was particularly heavier and hotter than usual. They must feel the same way as Kim did. Kim can't remember and tell the exact everything that what the gone peoples left to this world, but one thing sure, they always leave behind the deep longing and sadness for those who still have to remain in this world. He had to felt this nonstop for six years, but even if he gets used to the most of physical pains from other things, it hurts more than being getting shot.
Kim sighed and shook his head, followed his usual habit. Then he takes out the cigarette from the front pocket of his jacket and lit it. Through the white smoke of cigarettes, Kim shuffled to under the sunset.
Towards a tomorrow, that no one can know or predict.
May not know if tomorrow is anymore shitter than today, but at least it would be better than standing here continuously.