"Coming together is a beginning;keeping together is progress; working together is success."
-Henry Ford
John sat in his office, staring at his console blankly. He wasn't thinking about the reports in front of his face. The cursor had been blinking at him for the last twenty minutes. He found himself thinking, instead of his team.
His thoughts went to Mia, first. He'd wanted to land on Earth, just to give her the experience of being home, but he couldn't justify it to Command when the Normandy was due into the Citadel for repairs yesterday. They didn't have the equipment, even at Alliance HQ, to handle the new ship. Ground control was worried the new ship would fail on the ground and it'd take flying in parts and experts from the Citadel to fix it. His heart broke for his sister, but she understood. He met her half way and told her he'd stay in orbit around the planet for as long as he could.
Last he heard, she was sitting in the cockpit with Joker listening to some classical old Earth band called The Beatles. John never knew it, but apparently it was Joker's favorite band. John had given Joker a quick briefing about what Mia had said on the moon so he knew what to expect. To John's surprise, Joker took the man as seriously as a mission when he'd told him Mia had never been home. Bringing her to the cockpit had been his idea.
Liara had finally started showing signs of life. She was still somber, but she was able to be around people now. He had been bringing her meals in the lab of the medbay, where she'd made her temporary office, encouraging her to eat. According to Tali he was the only one who was able to get through to her.
And then there was Tali. The qurian had become fast friends with his sister and Garrus, but always seemed so shy when he tried to interject in the conversation. He wondered if it was a cultural thing, like with the anti-fraternization regulations the Alliance had. He wanted to be her friend, but he wasn't sure how to go about that with the chain of command in the way. But he supposed she had helped him calm down Wrex after Noveria.
Wrex had been upset about John's decision about the rachni queen. Well, perhaps 'upset' was a bit of an understatement. He'd started yelling, even threw his datapad across the room before Tali had stood up, getting in his face and defending John.
"He told the story of your people with respect and reverence. He called it 'the truest sense of a war crime '. You're trying to justify being upset with Shepard not committing genocide . The Krogan Rebellions ended over a thousand years ago, Wrex. When will the galaxy learn that fighting one war crime with another only leads to more death?" She'd said.
The room had gone silent. It was that moment that John had decided he wanted to be her friend, something beyond commanding officer. Seeing that tiny quarian standing up to Urdnot Wrex with such ferocity that the krogan backed down was a sight to behold. And she'd done it defending him.
He caught himself smiling at the mental image when a knock came at his door. John frowned and looked at the time.
"Come in," He called, pushing himself away from his console slightly and rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.
He looked up as Kaidan entered his office, looking worried.
"I hope I'm not bothering you, Commander," he started, swinging his arms anxiously.
"Not at all, Kaidan, what do you need?" John said, frowning up at the man.
"I-" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know how to even bring it up. This is why there's regs. I'm sorry, Commander, I should- I should go." Kaidan said, turning to leave before even making it all the way to his desk.
"Is this about Mia?" John asked, arching a brow and crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair. Kaidan sighed heavily, leaning his head back in resignation as he turned back to John.
"I think I screwed up, and it's messing with my head. I think you should keep me off of the ground team for a while." He suggested, and John's eyebrows shot up.
"You want to willingly remove yourself from the ground team?" John asked, looking the man over carefully.
"You have Liara and Wrex. They can do as much or more than I can. You won't even notice I'm gone." Kaidan said, almost brushing it off. John knew there was more to this.
"I can have you stationed on another Alliance vessel? I don't want you to miss out on advancement opportunities because of any personal issues, Alenko." John said, watching the man's reaction carefully. That would tell him what he really needed to know.
Kaidan's eyebrows shot up and he held up his hands. "No, no, that's really not necessary, Commander. I'd be perfectly fine co-piloting for Joker. I'm just…not quite sure I'm the best fit for the job." He admitted, rubbing his neck. There it was. He felt inadequate.
"Kaidan, have a seat." John said, nodding to the chair in front of him. The man sat down nervously, and John gave him a moment to compose himself. "You had my back on Eden Prime. You've kept this team safe before we were even a team. I don't want you to think for a moment that you're not just as important to this mission as anyone else. Not many of us landed on Eden Prime that can still tell the tale."
"With all due respect, sir, that doesn't make me any less obsolete in combat." Kaidan pointed out.
"In combat, a hundred different men could fill my shoes. Combat's only half of the game. You want to know what I value about you, Alenko? Your opinion. So have one." John said, leaning back in his chair to study the man. "What do you want to do with your life?"
The look on Kaidan's face told him everything he needed to know. He stared blankly at John for a moment, then frowned, his eyes touching the floor. John waited for a moment, then allowed himself a small smile.
"You've never thought about it before, have you?" He asked gently. "Where do you go once you're away from the shit you're running from? I know all about joining the Alliance out of fear." John told him.
"I always just… wanted to get as far as I could in the Alliance. I never really had a direction in mind. I've been debating whether to upgrade my amps but well,the L2s spike higher. My abilities would drop with pain-free L3s. And it'll be a cold day before I turn myself over to a Conatix subsidiary." Kaidan said.
"Got a story there, Alenko?" John asked, arching a brow.
"You know the records about the biotic training out on Jump Zero? They're all classified. Because the Alliance made mistakes. After first contact, Conatix was set up to track element zero exposures and develop implants for humans. Once we had an embassy on the Citadel, Conatix could bring in 'experts' instead of taking it slow."
"The only experts would have to be aliens." John frowned.
"Dead on. Turians, actually. That's why Conatix kept it a secret. They were afraid of what people back home would think, asking the turians for help when we just fought a war with them." Kaidan explained.
"The asari would have been a better fit. Why didn't they ask them?" John asked.
"The company didn't go through the Citadel. It would have made Earth look weak. So they discreetly hired some turian mercenaries." Kaidan confided.
"They had mercenaries training kids? I can imagine how that went." John muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Yeah. Our instructor was a turian by the name of Commander Vyrnnus. A real hardass. He basically had a free pass to break us if it would turn out a decent biotic. It kind of spiraled from there, Commander." Kaidan finished darkly.
"You're still here, though. And more than a decent biotic, if my assessments are anything to judge by." John pointed out.
"Well, I got to where I am because I took initiative. Good or bad, I own that. Pretty much despite Conatix." Kaidan told him with a slight frown.
"Where do you want to be in 5 years?" John asked, laying his forearm on the table and leaning closer to Kaidan. "Because now's the time to take initiative again. You're obsolete, your words, not mine. What are you going to do about it?"
"Well, I can't just give up," Kaidan frowned. "The Alliance is all I have."
"The Alliance will take you as far as you want it to. But let me ask you this: are you satisfied with just being a soldier for the rest of your career? Or do you want more?" John asked, leaning back in his seat.
"I'd like to lead, but the quickest way to climb the ranks is active combat situations. You know that, Shepard." Kaidan said, shaking his head.
"That's true. But there's a few routes you could go down that would grant you access to better training. I entered the Alliance as an officer because of the Academy, but my advancements were due to the N7 program. That option is available to you, but there is another option. Tactics and Strategy." John explained.
"I'd have to be a Lieutenant Commander for that, sir." Kaidan frowned.
"Well, then it's a good thing that the paperwork I was neglecting when you walked in was your promotion approval. Lieutenant Commander." John smiled at him knowingly.
"Wait, what? You gave me a promotion? Why?" Kaidan asked.
"Hackett promoted me for Eden Prime. I think it was mostly a formality; they don't like Commanders captaining ships. Confuses people. But if he thought it was a good enough reason, who am I to argue? I just thought the other two soldiers that got off that planet deserved a little recognition as well." John explained.
"So Amelia got a promotion, too?" Kaidan asked, his voice holding a tinge of sadness, but also pride.
"Two, actually. She led the mission on Luna today. I've been pushing back against some red tape, trying to…correct some mistakes from some of Mia's former commanding officers. Anderson sent me some interesting information that I didn't know about." John said, shaking his head.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, frowning. John studied Kaidan carefully before deciding whether to answer.
"Our mother isn't a nice lady, Kaidan. Mia had it worse than me. I'm just…doing what I can." He said, cryptically. "You should talk to her. We have some mandatory leave coming up on the Citadel. Apparently Joker wasn't kidding about the lava on Therum damaging our sensors, so we'll be docked for a week for repairs. Take her to dinner, just…talk. See how it goes. She's more reasonable than you think."
"I don't want to make things worse, John." Kaidan admitted looking down.
"Tell her that. Meet her where she is, and go from there. Be open with her and it will all work out. That's how Mia is." John told him with a smile. Kaidan nodded, looking more confident.
"Yeah I can do that, Commander- er, Captain?" Kaidan asked, arching a brow. John nodded and Kaidan smiled. "About time. You've only had command of the ship for almost a month."
"Admirals don't see very far outside of their datapads. That's what they have captains and commanders for." John rolled his eyes. "I have my problems with chain of command, but it's there for a reason."
"I suppose, sir. I'm still not sure if I want to get involved in command." Kaidan admitted. "I look at you and Anderson, pushing back against the Alliance and trying to do the right thing. It's a lot of pressure. I… need to think about this."
"It's whatever you want to do, Kaidan. I'm going to write you up a recommendation for when you decide. Just say the word, I'll send it along. Okay?" John smiled at the man.
"Yeah, that'd be great, Commander." Kaidan said thoughtfully. "I'll get out of your hair and let you get back to your paperwork. Thanks for talking to me. You've given me a lot to think about," He said, getting to his feet.
"I always make time for my officers, Kaidan. Any time. Anything you need. I mean it, okay?" John smiled, standing and extending his hand. "You're doing just fine, Lt. Commander."
Kaidan shook his hand with a smile, his shoulders straightening. John wanted to build his men up as best he could. He knew the military could beat the soul out of people, but he knew the importance of not letting it. Anderson had taught him that well enough. The man had been a surrogate father to him, even when he didn't know about it, it seemed.
Kaidan left his office and John sat back down at his desk, looking up at the paperwork he had to finish. He submitted the completed promotion paperwork, then powered his console off, getting to his feet. He'd spent too much time in his office lately. That was one thing he remembered about serving under Anderson- the man was never in his office. He was always checking on some part of the crew. He could use a walk after sitting on his ass for the last few hours. Luna hadn't been too intense, but he still got sore if he stopped moving for long after combat.
He stretched in the mess for a moment, then noticed that the medbay door was green, meaning someone was still inside. He figured he'd drop by, see if anyone needed anything. He expected to see Dr. Chakwas in the main room, but was surprised to see the room empty, but the door at the end of the room had a green light indicator. The labs. Liara was still awake? John entered the room and smiled as he saw the asari sitting at her console, a half-finished salad sitting next to her. He smiled as she turned when she heard him coming, standing up to talk to him.
"Shepard, it's good to see you." Liara said warmly. He smiled at the asari and then nodded to her food.
"It's good to see you're eating," John said.
"I've been trying, it's just hard to keep an appetite after… everything." She blew out a breath.
"I was worried about you, " John admitted. "Noveria was hard on everyone. But you especially. I wanted to check in with you. Last time we talked, you were talking about your research into the Protheans," He prompted, smiling at her. He remembered their last conversation fondly, how clinically she'd expressed her interest in him. He'd poked fun at her, telling her he didn't want to end up as a lab experiment for her. She was so curious about the beacon's message, what it could unravel about the Protheans.
"Actually, I think I was talking about my interest in you. And making a fool of myself in the process. As I said, I'm not used to dealing with people. Especially humans." Liara said, cocking her head to the side a bit, studying him. "I did not really know much about your species when we first met, Shepard. I found it hard to take humanity seriously. Your kind always seem so rushed and high-strung." She said.
"We don't have the luxury of time. An asari can live for a thousand years. We're lucky if we hit 150." John countered.
"That is true." She acknowledged. "At first, I thought it was a weakness of your species. After spending time with you and your crew, however, I think it may actually be an advantage. You humans are creatures of action. You pursue your goals with almost an indomitable determination. It is an admirable trait, but also an intimidating one." She admitted.
"You're scared of us?" John asked skeptically.
"Unfortunately, the rest of the galaxy sees humanity as something of a bully. You run over anyone in your path to get what you is up to people like you to change their minds, Shepard." Liara told him.
"Like I changed yours?" He smiled down at her. "I'm doing what I can, you know."
"There is a reason the Council chose you to become a Spectre. They saw something special in you-the best of what humanity has to offer. I read your service records. What you did in the Skyllian Blitz was incredible." John frowned at that.
"If you wanted to know my history, you could have just asked. I would have told you anything you wanted to know." He said, arching a brow.
"I apologize, Commander. After our last conversation, I was afraid I would say something stupid again. I wanted to know more about you. To understand what made you into the man you are. There's something compelling about you, Shepard." Liara said, her voice almost wistful.
"You're only interested in me because of the visions," John dismissed with a frown. Last he'd checked, she'd wanted to study him, not get to know him. Who read a file on someone instead of asking about their background? "You just want to know more about the Protheans."
"I admit, your connection to the Protheans had something to do with my initial interest. But it has grown beyond intrigue me, Shepard. But I was not sure if it was appropriate to act on my feelings. I wasn't sure how you even felt about…interspecies relationships." She said, a bright purple blush flooding her face. "I'm bad at reading human relationships. Am I wrong, or is there a mutual attraction between us?" She asked, almost sheepishly.
John looked down at the girl who he'd held on the floor of a lab on a tiny, freezing planet. He'd wiped her tears from her cheeks, then. He'd brought her food every day since. He'd be crazy if he told her he didn't care for her. But attraction? Sure, he had eyes. She was beautiful. But she was also incredibly intelligent. Perhaps she was a bit naive sometimes, but adorably so.
He took a moment, scanning her face for a moment, then reached forward, placing a hand on her cheek like he had on Noveria. He smiled softly when she leaned her head into his hand.
"No, you were right," He said, moving a half-step closer. "There is something between us."
"I knew it!" She said, her eyes lighting up as he confirmed her suspicions. She looked up into his eyes with a smile. "And I knew you felt it, too. But," She paused, frowning. "Does this not seem rather strange? Why do I feel so close to you? We have only known each other a short time. We are from two different species. We have almost nothing in common. This makes no sense!" She said, her emotions spiraling in her voice as she spoke. She'd pulled away from him, scanning his face as though she'd find the answers there. He chuckled at her, his hands slipping around her waist gently, testing the waters.
"Liara, it doesn't have to make sense." He told her, and his smile broadened when she allowed her hands to rest tenderly on his chest, relaxing a bit. "We can take this as fast or as slow as you need it to be, okay? We have time." He told her. She closed her eyes and leaned her head on his chest for a moment. He held her a little tighter, letting her know she was safe.
"We do." She said finally, pulling away. "Thank you…John." She smiled up at him, pulling away from him. "I think I'll finish up my dinner and get some sleep."
"Good. Enjoy your rest," John said, his fingers ghosting down her jawbone and over her chin for a moment. "Let me know if you need anything, yeah?"
Her eyes seemed to dance with light as she nodded up at him. "Of course," she murmured, then turned to sit back down to eat her salad dutifully. Gods, she was adorable. He bit his lip, peeking over his shoulder at her as he headed out of the medbay. Yeah, he was attracted.
John headed out of the med bay and towards the cargo bay, needing to clear his head a bit. He'd planned on maybe doing a few laps around the hold, get his muscles moving. However as he entered, Garrus waved him over, one finger pressed to his mandibles. John moved over quietly, his face a silent question for the turian. Garrus answered by pointing to the other side of the Mako, where John could hear Tali and Wrex talking and he understood at once.
"I shouldn't have been so aggressive with you in the debrief. It wasn't very professional of me." Tali said, and John's eyebrows shot up. She was going to defend him and be graceful about it? He respected that.
"Never apologize for defending your commanding officer," Wrex told her, laughing a bit. "Especially against me. I'm not the easiest person to get along with, squirt. You've gotta have quads to confront me like you did. I respect it."
"Oh- I- thank you? I think?" She fumbled and John had to stifle a laugh at how confused she sounded. "If you don't mind, why were you so upset about Shepard not killing the queen? I just… want to understand."
"The rachni represent the beginning of the end of my people, kid. My people stopped a galactic war and some frog men who thought they could play god decided the galaxy would be better off without the krogan. They developed a weapon to neuter us, to use our breeding cycles against us and demoralize us. The krogan were warriors once. When the last rachni died, my people were doomed to a fate of selling themselves out to the highest bidder instead of building a legacy of our own. It's my hope that my people could one day return to their former glory, restore the rich culture we once had. But we've allowed ourselves to fall too far. Forget our ways." Wrex confided in her. "Clan Urdnot is a shadow of its former self. I fear it may die with me."
"Well, why can't you do something about it?" Tali asked, and John could hear her frown.
"Tuchanka needs a strong leader to unite the clans," Wrex dismissed. "Somebody who can restore the krogan to their former glory. Someone with a vision."
"That sounds like you, Wrex." Tali pointed out. "You just told me exactly what Tuchanka needs, and you told me yourself, you're stubborn and hard to get along with. Perfect for a politician." She laughed.
"You think I could do what hundreds of other krogan failed to do? That I could unite them?" Wrex scoffed.
"I think it'd be silly of you not to try," Tali said, then John heard her yawn. "I've got to get some rest. I'll see you in the morning, old man."
"Yeah, kid, I'll walk you to the barracks. It's about that time for me, too." Wrex said, and John smiled at Garrus as they heard the pair leave the cargo bay.
"Did Wrex just…?" Garrus looked taken aback by the exchange.
"Garrus, neither of them will ever admit to anything we just heard. Don't try to wrap your head around it too hard." John chuckled. Garrus barked a laugh at that.
"You've got a point, Commander," he laughed. "What brings you down here?"
"Just checking in on the crew, making sure everyone's okay." John told the man. He took a moment to look at the man. "I was wondering, Garrus. Why did you join C-Sec?"
"Hm. That's a good question. There's several reasons, I guess." Garrus shrugged.
"Like what?" John prompted, cocking his head.
"Probably the same as most officers. I wanted to fight injustice, wanted to help people. I guess my father had something to do with it, too. He was C-Sec, one of the best. I grew up hearing about his accomplishments or seeing his picture on the vids after a big arrest. He's taking my resignation pretty hard." Garrus admitted.
"That's tough. You think he'd be impressed you're going after Saren." John said.
"My father's a C-Sec man to the bone. 'Do things right or don't do them at all,' he says. He thinks I'm being too rash, too impatient. He's worried I'll become just like Saren. He actually talked me out of becoming a Spectre when I was younger for the same reasons." Garrus confided.
"You were asked to be a Spectre?" John asked, looking his friend over appraisingly. He knew the former cop was good, but in Joker's words, that was incredible.
"Well, I was targeted as a possible Spectre candidate. Me and about a thousand other turian military recruits. I could have received special training but my father didn't like it. He despises the Spectres. He hates the idea of someone having unlimited power with no accountability. He wouldn't like you, Commander. No offense." Garrus smiled.
"None taken, my mother wouldn't be very fond of you either, mate." John laughed. "Good thing we're not our parents, right?" He smiled.
"I'll say," Garrus shook his head.
"No wonder you get along with Mia so well. Seems like you two have a lot in common in the parental trauma sector." He teased.
"That we do. It's been really nice having a friend who gets that." Garrus smiled, but then his frown returned. "But I can't help feeling my father's wrong here. Saren's not going to play by our rules, Shepard. By C-Sec's rules. If you want to nail Saren, you need to send someone who isn't restricted by policies and procedures." Garrus asserted.
"Just because you can break the rules doesn't mean you should. I don't need to stoop to Saren's level to stop him, and neither do you, Garrus." John said, frowning at the man.
Garrus looked a little taken aback, but he nodded.
"I'll… have to think about that, Commander." Garrus said with a nod. He looked at his omnitool and his eyes widened. "It is getting late, even for you. We should probably get to sleep, Shepard."
John nodded, his body finally giving in to the soreness he felt. "Yeah, I think you might be right. Let's go, mate." John said, clapping the man on the back as they headed for the elevator.