50

By: Aviantei

Act II: School Life/Loneliness

Scene V: "The milk didn't do anything."

Talking about it felt strange. Not because it was all that strange of a story—maybe the Castle part was, but that seemed about the standard considering that they were in the Fifty Minute Room—but because Rhea didn't think she'd gone through everything all in one go before. From the world with no name to meeting Roxas to going back to Temperies and the school to the encounter with Axel, all of that leading to getting kicked out of the car and having her bag dropped off on her. Whenever she began to explain, it became clear just how much had happened, and she felt a little less pathetic about being on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

Just a little, though.

As for Zexion, it was difficult to tell what he was feeling about the matter. Not because he was inattentive—he'd listened all the while, if nothing else—but because he kept his expression neutral and unwavering the whole time. Secret hideaway or no, the Fifty Minute Room had shifted, allowing them comfortable armchairs to settle into. Rhea picked at a bit of loose upholstery on the cushion as she waited for his response.

"I see," he said Rhea had given him what had to at least be her tenth nervous glance since she'd fallen silent. "For you, rather than a crisis of safety, you face a crisis of the mind. You cannot help but think and think and think, unable to take action." It was, all things considered, a pretty blunt way to put it, but Rhea didn't think he was wrong. "And, whenever you can take action, it is often to your detriment."

Can't argue with that one, either. Not whenever I wandered into the Castle as the solution to my last crisis. She just hadn't seen any other option—but whether that was because her mind had convinced her as such or because there had, in truth, been no other way was up to debate. At least Roxas had been there to stop her, but he wasn't going to be around forever, as had already been proven. Having already toed off her shoes, Rhea pulled her knees up to her chest. "…Are you saying coming here is an action to my detriment?"

"No, I don't believe that is the case. However, I cannot say it is a benefit to you, either." The Fifty Minute Room was, after all, little more than an escape, though a less violent one than going to the Castle had been. "I think that if I were to criticize you for seeking sanctuary somewhere you knew you could receive it, then I would be in danger of becoming a hypocrite, though our circumstances do differ." Rhea raised an eyebrow, and Zexion thumbed through the pages of his grimoire, the gesture seeming more out of habit than practicality. "I may have been the one to request that you listen in return, but I will not force you if you do not feel up to carrying the burden of another."

"You already listened to me spill my guts in the most incoherent way possible. The least I can do is return the favor." What, was she going to run out of time? "Besides, if I'm being honest, then I think having someone else's problems to think about might be a good distraction from mine." In other words: she was just being selfish by asking.

Zexion didn't look put out by the concept. Rather, he just looked amused. "Then in return for such honesty, I shall do so. Don't blame me if you end up regretting the choice, though." Considering how many other regrets that Rhea had, another one didn't seem like it would end up doing all that much. "As I said, my home world is—or, rather, was Radiant Garden."

The past tense wasn't all that reassuring. "But it's gone now?"

"Something like that. A world cannot disappear altogether, at least not as long as there are traces of its essence out there. But it can be swallowed up, leaving those that once lived there to scatter." It was the sort of nasty thought she wouldn't say out loud, but Rhea felt that some worlds might just be better off if they got swallowed up, like the world with no name. "Some will go to other worlds. Some will be swallowed up as well. And some," Zexion said with a gesture to the space around them, "will seek sanctuary where they know they will find it."

"You came to the Fifty Minute Room because you knew your world was going to fall apart?" Rhea felt that there were just about too many implications in that to wrap her head around, but Zexion nodded. "Then that…if just an hour passes outside whenever you're here, though, wouldn't that mean…"

"That even if Radiant Garden were to be restored, I would just be able to return to the point in time whenever it no longer existed? Yes." The whole idea just made a nasty ball of stress form in Rhea's throat, and swallowing did nothing to dissipate that. Zexion, on the other hand, didn't look anywhere near as bothered. "You need not waste sympathy on me. I have had plenty of time to come to terms with the fact. No matter what may go on outside these walls, I and the others that came along with me will not have anywhere to return to."

Others. There were other people who had come from the same place, would live out their entire lives in a paradise that rearranged itself to their every whim. Such a thought should have been comforting; instead, it just made Rhea feel woozy. Was that the sort of fate that would be better or worse to endure on one's own? "How long…how long have you been here, Zexion?"

"That's a question that is impossible to answer. Despite my best efforts to understand, the time in this place is not so cooperative when it comes to being measured. There is some semblance of its passing, though. I, for example, have aged since I first came here, though it does not feel as if my physical traits changing is anywhere close to the mental passage I have experienced. It is something I have decided to study to the best of my ability, anyways, since it isn't as if I have much more to do."

Rhea felt like she should say something else to protest. After all, hadn't Zexion said that he saw Radiant Garden still in the shape of the Fifty Minute Room? But, no matter which approach she tried to take, she couldn't quite get the words out. Not that it felt like she had any right to protest anything in the first place. She'd been more than willing to throw her own self away when she wandered into the Castle; what anyone else decided to do with their own lives was none of her business. Not to mention she'd had but a few meetings with Zexion in the first place. Acting like she had some great stake in his life just seemed ridiculous.

The last time you got attached to someone, it didn't end well. Can't you learn your lesson for once?

So instead Rhea schooled herself into the steady breathing she knew could help make her a little less unstable. "Well, I've give you some credit. That's way more dramatic of a story than mine is. In comparison, all I've got is some silly relationship drama."

"I don't recall it being a competition, but it is of a different scale. As said, you face a crisis of the mind. Meanwhile, my position has left me in a crisis of safety. Though they may differ, they still present as crises, nonetheless." Which, if Rhea was paying attention, she thought was his way of saying there was no point in comparing their suffering. Zexion had stopped playing with the grimoire in his lap, though, his palm instead resting flat against the cover. "Well, Rhea? Do you regret asking?"

Somehow, Rhea couldn't say that she did.

After a bit more time in their new hideaway, Rhea and Zexion parted ways, easing their way back down the ladder and into the library. Zexion disappeared off to wherever he went whenever he wasn't in the library, while Rhea snuck into the cafeteria to have some calming tea. The desired effect of at last being sleepy arrived, and Rhea did her best not to doze off in the seat of Dew's still purple limousine. Whenever she at last made it back to her dorm, Rhea passed out in bed, dreaming of a white and pristine world, where the brickwork shimmered with the colors of rainbows.

Waking back up to her alarm in her dorm was almost disorienting. Everything felt so normal, despite the fact that she didn't have anything normal to compare it to in the first place. The sun was shining outside; the décor was orange. There was some slight movement in the halls as others moved about for the morning. The one thing out of place was Rhea's bag of Castle gear still sitting in the middle of the floor.

She kicked it under the bed and went to go take a shower. Whenever she made it to the cafeteria, she found a corner to sit by herself and poked at her oatmeal, then wondered what the hell was the difference between a life of eternity in the Fifty Minute Room and a life of eternity inside Temperies. The Fifty Minute Room had more freedom, if anything. No more need to look around every five minutes to make sure Roxas wasn't there, about to make her feel worse just by existing in the same place.

…Are you saying coming here is an action to my detriment?

No, I don't believe that is the case. However, I cannot say it is a benefit to you, either.

(What would Zexion think if Rhea made the willing choice to live the very same life he'd been forced into?)

Scowling, Rhea almost crushed the carton in her grasp.

"Easy, girl. The milk didn't do anything." That drawl could belong to no one but Axel, and the person in question dropped down into the seat across from her with a grin. He hadn't brought any food along with him. "You're looking worked up today."

"Your point being?"

"No point. It's just better than you being all mopey." Rhea's scowl did nothing but deepen; Axel's grin did nothing but widen. "Bet practice will be good today. You gotta be careful when working out your anger, but it can get you results."

Right. Combat practice. That thing Rhea had halfway forgotten about in all her angst and thoughts about worlds that disappeared. Funny, how she never forgot about the Castle itself, but the things inside of it were almost incidental in comparison. "Sure. Are you volunteering to let me use you as a punching bag, then? 'Cause if so, I think we can work something out."

"Alright, sounds like a good time to me. Though I've been thinking, about getting you some equipment…"

And there was that knot of nerves in her throat again. The one thing Rhea did regret about the night before was not working herself up to the point of tears so she could get it out of the way. She didn't quite appreciate feeling like she was about to burst out crying the second someone poked her the wrong mental way. "Forget it," she said, which hadn't been an intentional choice of words to contrast Axel's whole memorization schtick, but the way he scrunched up his nose was kind of funny, regardless. "I mean, I have my stuff now. So you don't need to worry."

Axel scrunched up his face, too, as if he was trying to decide whether or not to ask. Rhea scrunched up her own face, hoping to convey that it would be best if he didn't. That might've been a mistake, considering that Axel struck her as the type to point out things that others didn't want to deal with, but he relented with a shrug. "Well, that's one less thing we need to worry about, then. That means we should be good to go after classes today. Unless you wanna ditch? I dunno how important this place is to you, considering you're from out of world."

Well, even if he hadn't asked one difficult question, he'd sure picked out another. Temperies was almost a ghost world, held together in fragments. There was nothing but the school, which was something Rhea felt she should've valued, but she knew the education wasn't what had kept her there. It had been Roxas, who loved the place for whatever reason, and she'd liked the idea of having a normal-ish life with a normal-ish friend. The two of them had been going long enough to consider it a routine, and so Rhea had been planning to continue out of habit.

But does it even matter? Like Axel said, I'm not from here. And even if I were, it's not like there's any penalty for joining or leaving without warning… Rhea and Axel had both been able to integrate themselves into the flow with no objections at all. Could she just…leave? Without needing to worry about a thing? Go back to the Castle and try to conquer it to try and get her friend back?

Would conquering the Castle even do that?

For you, rather than a crisis of safety, you face a crisis of the mind. You cannot help but think and think and think, unable to take action, Zexion's words reminded her.

So what I need is to just do something.

"I think," Rhea said, "that I want to stay." Putting the exact reason into words seemed like too much to analyze, but she felt confident enough in that. Besides, throwing herself into the Castle wouldn't be any different than before; if nothing else, that sounded like a good enough excuse. "I do want to practice and go to the Castle still. I just think…I'd feel better if I had here to come back to."

She didn't know why, but part of her thought Axel might laugh at her for it, despite the fact that he hadn't laughed about anything else she'd ever told him. It must've been the side effect of being as open as she'd been since the night before or something. But instead of any such thing, Axel just nodded. "Yeah, I get ya. All work and no play makes a dull boy, after all. Hanging around here between exploration sessions won't hurt at all."

"…You're a bit more laid back about this than I expected."

"What, you want me to harp on you all day? No, thanks. Besides, it's not like the fate of the worlds rests on us making it up that thing. Nah, I'm fine with kicking back here." As if to emphasize the point, Axel adjusted in his seat to prop up his legs on the corner of the table, and he even swiped the banana off of Rhea's breakfast tray while he was at it. Hoping to avoid both his boots and any further loss of her food, Rhea scooted her meal closer to her. "I'll just hang around whatever classes you're going to, that way we can go train some more once you're done. How's that s—"

"Rhea!"

The unexpected call of her name made Rhea jump, even if she wasn't proud to admit as much. She was even less proud to admit that she looked up, hoping she would see Roxas. Instead, it was Olette, a brunette girl with a penchant for wearing bright clothes that blended in with the rest of the school's general sunset colors. Her disposition tended to be just as bright, but that morning her expression happened to be much more filled with concern, and it wasn't hard to guess why.

Olette was Roxas's friend, after all.

"There you are. I've been worried about you," Olette said, and Rhea had to resist the urge to scoff. It wouldn't discourage her—though perhaps curling up into a ball might do the trick. "Roxas has been acting weird, so I thought—"

"That you'd come and make it my problem, too?" Rhea asked, not feeling any particular sense of magnanimity in the moment. "Well let me tell you what you need to know. He decided I was the problem, so he decided not to want anything to do with me anymore." The way he'd dropped off her bag without saying a word spoke plenty to that. "So forgive me if I'm not feeling like taking care of his or anyone else's problems right now."

"No, you don't get it, that's what's so weird—"

"Really? I don't get it when I had to put up with it?" Everything about the ordeal still stung, and Olette wanted to tell Rhea she didn't get it? "Look, if he was getting up in your face, too, I'm sorry, but I kind of don't have the mental space to lick someone else's wounds, either. So if that's what you want, try somewhere else." Olette gaped, which also didn't take much to figure out; Rhea had tended to be much more reserved when dealing with their other classmates—which was to say that she hadn't talked much with any of them at all. Coming out and being aggressive probably hadn't been how Olette thought the conversation would go. "If I have any other insights, I'll come find you, so if you could just—"

"Easy, easy," Axel said, his lazy drawl diffusing half the tension as Rhea remembered that he was even there. "I get it, but don't you think this is a good opportunity." Rhea leveled him in a look that made her opinion on said opportunity very clear; Axel returned with a look that said he did not care. "Come on, think about it. We've been wondering what made Roxas change so much right? Don't you think getting someone else's opinion might be a good place to start?" It was, in fact, a good point.

How unfortunate.

[Author's Notes]

Zexion, holding open his Organization XIII jacket in a dark alley: Hey, kid, you want some lore?

Thanks to She Who Loves Pineapples for following and leaving a review on this strange, strange story. I hope you find your way back here.

I swear I'm gonna get these backlog updates done by the end of the month, and no amount of impulsive trips or emotionally exhausting content is gonna stop me. I feel like I could use a Fifty Minute Room about now...

Next Time will be Act Two, Scene Six, which will happen when it happens. Please look forward to it!

-Avi

[28 July 2024]