Pt 2: Adjustment Therapy
2024, The Otherworld, Delacroix, Louisiana– The Wilson Family Home.
TW!: Cussing, drama, arguments, keeping secrets.
Author's Note: This one is SO LONG! I am SO sorry!
You woke to birds chirping happily outside an unfamiliar house. it was a sizeable room from what you could tell. you sat up brushing wayward tufts of hair behind your ear. You were alone. Of that you were grateful. some time to yourself meant you could try to gather your thoughts. Natasha and Sam are a thing, with kids. I'm honestly happy for them. Joy is a great color on them.
Bucky. My dear James. He…looks so terribly sad. There must be something i can do to help him. He wasn't in the room, and from his words earlier, maybe he was watching over me as i slept? Something is gnawing at him. You turned your vibrainium wedding ring on your finger as you thought about him. Even if you're not my Bucky, I need to make you okay. I need to see that once in a blue moon type of smile on your face again.
With the stone eroded, was there even a chance you could get back to your own reality? to your Bucky and Sam? If Nat was alive and the second Soul Stone could in fact cheat death, or at least your version of it, then… Where was Steve? Sure Steve wasn't dead, but for what other reason would Bucky be wearing his suit? It's not a prank, there's too many people involved. If Pietro was in the picture, then what happened to Wanda? Was Vision out there somewhere? Nat never mentioned Clint once. Maybe Tony was walking the streets of New York again?
You let your hands rake across your face. You let out a deep sigh. I can't think about this too much right now. If i let this get to me, it'll kill me. You got up from bed, its springs creaking as you did. The old wooden floors moaning beneath your weight in various spots as you carried yourself to the window.
Pushing the dainty white sheer curtains out of your way, the light blinded you if for a moment. Several oak trees called this place home, they were massive and adorned with low swaying Spanish moss. You noticed a long dirt driveway warn from years of tires, people coming and going. A smile crept along your face seeing Bucky and Sam in the large yard, training. Bucky threw the shield, his shield, it's target landing squarely in a tree some feet away. You were just able to make out Sam yelling at him.
"Hey! Stop making dents in my trees man!" Sam said taking the shield with some difficulty out of the tree and tossing it back to Bucky. a certain sadness washed over you. I miss you so much! You must be devastated, searching everywhere for me. I'm gonna try everything to get back to you, my love. Tears dropped silently from your eyes, quickly you wiped away their hot stains on your cheeks. You gathered yourself and was just about to exit your room when Nat called up from the first floor.
"Karli! Nate! Time for lunch!" You opened your bedroom door just as you heard the rumbling chaos of feet.
"I'll beat you there! I'm gonna get you! Ooooh! Too slow!, Got ya!" Karli said with zeal to the little boy, her brother, scooping him up in her arms and planting him on her waist before he was able to reach the stairs. The boy squealed with innocent excitement. You didn't recognize the boy's face at all, but the girl was a different story. She couldn't be older than 16, she was the same as you remember. Brilliant auburn hair, beautiful body-wide freckles, deep brown eyes, fair skin. And as she played with her little brother, a smile that made your heart melt. Bittersweetly, you remember her lifeless body in Sam's arms, descending into the crowd of onlookers and news crewmen.
Seeing her like this, was like a gut punch, it took all the wind from your lungs. This small moment was not so one-sided. Karli noticed you, recognized you even. Her face hardened and she gulped, he face paling even more, like she'd been staring a ghastly ghost this whole time. Her eyes never left yours as she yelled down to Nat, her mother, "We're Coming!"
Karli reluctantly broke the eye contact and hurried down the stairs, into the kitchen. You braced yourself on the door jamb, you weren't sure if you could handle this, but you need to keep going. you closed your eyes and took in a deep breath. Flashes of being on the dock, consoling Steve as he wept for Natasha, you did the same but you felt you had to stay strong for him.
You gathered yourself and traveled down the stairs lightly. The sound of clinking dishes and several happy cooing from Nate graced your ears. A floorboard creaked loudly beneath your feet as you just barely crossed the threshold into the kitchen. Nat was dressed in pajamas that hugged her curves, adorned with cute pictures of knives on her pants. Karli preoccupied herself with a fresh piece of toast and jam. She didn't dare to look at you. Nate began chanting, "toas, toas, toas!" happy to get some toast for himself in his blue highchair.
Nat… had a family. She's a mother. What would she say if she saw this? Is this something you would have wanted, Nat? A lazy Saturday morning, feeding your kids lunch while your husband trained outside in the front yard? Is this the kind of happiness you would have thought of? Did you ever dream of this? A small piece of normalcy?
"Well don't just stand there, Y/N. My cooking isn't that bad." Nat made a snooty remark, pointing to an empty chair across the table, where no one else was sitting. She turned around and fixed my plate. I sat down awkwardly occasionally jutting my gaze towards Karli. She didn't try to look at me. Instead she worked on scarfing down her food. Nate played with his food, taking one of the piece of cut up toast and waving it around like an airplane.
Nat confidently gave me a plate of her cooking, just when i was about to interject and request no eggs. But she was already on top of it. staring at the plate in front of me, a bit dumbfounded.
"Toast with strawberry jam, cheesy grits, and a side of bacon. no eggs. just like you like it." Nat sat down and rested her chin in her palms, smiling proudly at her accomplishment.
"Thank you, Nat. But, How did you–"
"Silly Goose, You and Bucky lived here too, for a time. I couldn't forget my best friends favorite breakfast foods. Never in a million years." She smiled up at me and directed her attention to Nate who whooped loudly. The front screen door screamed in protest as it was opened and slammed loudly in its closure. Sam and Bucky came in, a sweating mess from a long morning of non-stop training.
Bucky was hesitant but grabbed some food after Sam, both of them fixing their own plates. Bucky reluctantly sat down next to you. You gave him a weak smile and tucked a few strands of your hair behind your ear. Your first instinct was to rest your head on his shoulder but instead you shoved another mouthful of grits into yours mouth. The flavor distracting you from the pain of wanting to connect to Bucky. Yes he was different but wasn't he still your Bucky? Your James?
Karli was the first one finished with her food, clearly there was something bothering her. Quite rudely she rose from her eat, the chair scraping the floorboards loudly. Sam rose an index finger at her, "Ah ah ah! No. Manners."
"But!–" Karli growled and rolled her eyes.
"Karli. Geneva. Wilson. If you don't sit your butt down. Be cordial. Sam ordered and Karli grudgingly sat back down. She gulped, and for a second, just a second she looked back at me. She regretted the decision immediately, turning her face away.
"May I be excused?" Karli asked, bawling her fists in her lap. Sam let out a sigh through chewing his piece of bacon. "Go ahead." Karli nearly bolted out of the room, setting her dishes in the sink with a loud clink. She ran up the stairs and to her bedroom, closing the door with a loud bang. Nat closed her eyes and shook her head. That was awkward and I feel like I'm to blame. You continued to eat your meal and once Sam was finished he wiped his mouth and excused himself from the table.
"This girl is gonna be the death of me i swear." Sam muttered to himself as he walked away, following after his daughter. Nat gave us a smile and you smiled back. "The grits are really good. perfect texture and flavor." you complimented her truthfully.
"Well i'm glad someone enjoys my cooking. You're always open to have more if you're still hungry. You too Cap. Just try not to eat through everything, alright? Sam's appetite is bad enough, add a Super Soldier in the mix? whew. I'm teasing Bucky. Eat up." Nat said as she gathered up Nate and put him on her hip. He'd made a mess of himself. She left the room, humming an unfamiliar tune, something in Russian.
The tension kept growing through the silence. You ate and grabbed your plate, rinsing it off and setting down in the sink. You sat back down across from Bucky, waiting patiently while he finished eating. You stared down at your ring again, twirling it around your finger, nervously. You admired the way the pewter and golden colors glinted in the light of the kitchen.
"You're a married woman. He must be a lucky man. From the looks of it— that could be a ring only Tony Stark could afford." He gulped down his last bite of toast. Gosh the way he just looked at you, you could almost see those puppy dog eyes again.
"The lucky man, isn't far away. He never left me. But it's like he's blinded, and I don't know how to make him see again." you smiled remembering your Bucky.
Rising from his seat and grabbing up his plate he spoke, "Well I hope he's still salvageable. Uh. You can stay here as long as you want. Don't tell Nat, but if you ever want something other than her cooking, i'll go out and get you whatever you want." He came over to the sink and you stood up from your seat. You chuckled. Maybe somethings couldn't change, even from universe to universe. You wanted to wrap your arms around him, to kiss him, to feel his hair as you ran your fingers through it. Wishful thinking.
"Thank you for the favor. I'll keep that in mind." this is a cruel torture. To be so close yet, eons away from the other. Natasha came back from around the corner, putting Nate down on the ground and tapping his butt lightly, "Go on, find your sister." the boy got excited once again and ran up the stairs. Bucky Smiled at the little boy as he passed.
"They really do grow like weeds. Need me to go into town for anything Nat? Y/N?" Bucky asked. You waved your hand and your head, you didn't need anything.
"Yeah could you pick up a Happy-kit from the corner store? Looks like this one needs a pick-me-up!" Nat nudged your side and you couldn't help but smile. "C'mon, let's make it a girls day. No Super Soldiers or Birds allowed!" Nat said pointing to Bucky as he exited the room and waved her off.
"Oooo, yellow is definitely your color." Nat praised as she pressed the yellow bikini against your clothed form. "C'mon, try it on, we're losing daylight."
You were shy at first but followed Nat's lead anyway. She had a red bikini on herself and a straw hat, a flowing sun robe and flip flops. You helped her bring two sunchairs to the dock out back. You waited for her to return, enjoying the subtle noises the lake was making. You peered out into the distance, this was, nice. you can't remember the last time you'd had any downtime for yourself, let alone spend it with another person.
"The finishing touch won't be complete with a little liquid courage." Nat broke the silence returning with a small cooler filled with beer for her and she handed you a bottle of your favorite wine. Sweet Pink Moscato. it's been a long time since you had a drink.
"Wow. thanks, Nat. really thank you for everything you're doing. you don'–"
"I insist. Y/N, don't feel bad for being pampered or taken care of. you deserve it as much as anyone else here." She said firmly tipping her sun glasses to peer at me as she sat down in her chair. You nodded allowing yourself to lay back in the chair. listening to the birds and the sounds of the lake lapping at it's edges. The hot Louisiana sun baking your skin. Every so often you'd take a swig of your wine. You weren't sure ow much time had passed, 30 minutes? an hour? you didn't really need to know anyhow.
"Hey, Nat?" you asked after finishing another swig of your wine, the bottle now a quarter of the way done.
"Yeah?"
"How did you and Sam meet?" you asked tossing your head over to her.
"Well, He got put on a mission to investigate the Red Room. I was there about to, um, graduate. But in the knick of time, he saved me, among some others. it didn't happen right away. at first we kind of hated each other. but he showed me shield, offered me something better, you know?" she said sitting up.
"not too long after that, we got married. You and Cap hit it off just after I got this," she pulled down her bikini bottom just a tad revealing a decent horizontal scar along her belly, below her belly button. "I cried the first time i held her. I was only seconds away from really becoming a widow. it's so crazy to think, what would have happened if that big dumb pigeon never came swooping in? I don't think about it much. You and Cap came here after you uhhhhh. Nevermind. Four years ago, Nate was born here. In this house. Lemme tell you, if you ever decide to opt out of the epidural, take it!"
You gave her a weakened smile, "Noted."
You two stayed under the sun for a few hours, making sure to put on sunblock and enjoy your drinks. You went inside at the first sign of thunder in the distance. You went towards the shower when Bucky came out, shirtless, his longer than usual hair dampened onto his forehead. He paused and took in your image in the bikini. he was mesmerized.
"Wow. uh. You're beautiful. Huh? Did you say something?" he asked getting flustered in no time flat.
"Uh no. no i didn't say anything. um, are you done with the shower? I'll be out soon. I just want to get this sunscreen and sweat off. I uh—" you began to stammer with your words, unable to keep your gaze away from his prominent muscles and dangerously low towel. Once again he was unable to control his urges and swooped in, his large hand caressing your jawline, index finger brushing behind your ear, the rest of his fingers putting slight pressure beneath the base of your skull. he dragged you in for a kiss. it was a sloppy yet tender yearning. You couldn't help but brace yourself against his chest.
You savored that feeling, of flesh against flesh. He couldn't stop kissing you, and you him. it was an agonizingly sweet tug of war. you'd leaned into his lips and hummed having to stand on your tippy toes to reach him. but he abruptly broke the kiss. landing his forehead on your own, panting, you searched his face. He was wanting something– more. Something that wasn't sensual.
"Come back to me Doll. Please. It doesn't matter, I already know what we've lost. Y/N, I need you. I've been so disoriented since they took you. I-if you need to see her i can take you to her. Just tell me what you need sweetheart. I'll get you the moon. please I've been dying without you. I'm here. I'm here now. They can't hurt you any longer." there are no words to describe the kid of pain that you felt coming from this man. this man that you have loved so dearly. All his differences didn't seem to matter but there was information you were sorely lacking. If Bucky, Sam, and Nat have needed me so desperately, they needed to know my side of things.
They needed your universe of happenings. they needed all of it, every single piece of broken history you could offer them. My hands reached up to Bucky's neck. you were so confused.
"James? Who is her?" you asked starting to get scared for his mental state. His face deflated and looked as if it was weighted down by something.
"Forgive me. I was out of line, Doll. Go ahead, wash up. I'll be in the living room." Bucky said, utterly defeated, his strong back caved in on itself, like he was carrying the weight of the world on them. He sat on the bed and you closed your eyes. What could have possibly happened?
As you dried your hair with a towel, a car horn was heard outside the residence. Karli and Nate were going out shopping with their Aunt Sarah, who you noticed to have no children and considerably shorter hair. Karli, you saw had calmed down after getting a lecture from her father. You were sitting in the living room with Bucky a distance away from him. But you were able to hear what Karli and Nat were saying.
"Can I drive?! Please!" Karli asked practically begging.
"Nice try but No. and i'm texting Sarah to make sure you don't." Nat said firmly.
"Why not?! I have my license!"
"Drop that tone with me young lady before I make you fix that boat." Nat's tone didn't change, maybe that was what was so scary about her authority. It was collected and almost calm.
"Yes ma'am." Karli surrendered.
"And you don't have your license, you have your permit, big difference. Watch your brother, have fun, and do not wander around the mall. You'll give your Aunt a heart attack!" Nat ended closing the front door.
Sam came in and Natasha followed soon after. The tension was thick in the air. So you decided to be the one to break it.
"Alright. I need you guys to know a few things. I know that i look and act like Y/N but i'm not Y/N, not really. Well, i guess i am but at the same time i'm not." you said spitting out the first things that came to mind.
Sam adjusted in his seat on the couch, his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity and confusion.
"What do you mean, not Y/N?" he asked, placing a hand on Nat's knee.
"Just let me tell you my story. it may or may not make sense, but it's mine. I hate to see you all walk on eggshells because of me. please, just give it a listen." you pleaded with the room, looking at their downtrodden faces.
"We'll listen, Doll." Bucky broke the silence and scooted closer to you, grabbing your hand. You weren't sure who needed it more. You or him?
"I don't even know what to say. I'm… dead? all because i gave myself up for a, what was it? a damned Soul stone?! nah, i'm gonna need a beer for this. Babe you want any?" Nat was overwhelmed, you thought that telling them your version of the world would make things less mucky. but maybe it made it worse? Bucky has been unable to speak for about an hour.
the blazing sunset was just making its arrival into the back windows. Karli and Nate should be coming back soon. Sam craned his neck across the couch to answer his wife.
"Sure babe, bring two please." he asked and she returned with the alcohol. Hell, that Heineken was looking good to you now. Anything to take the edge off. Bucky ran his hands through his hair.
"Don't bother making dinner for me. I'm not hungry Nat. If you need me, you know where to look." Bucky said rising from his seat on the couch, nearly ripping his grip from your own. You got up to follow him. he slammed the front door, accidentally ripping it off its hinges.
Karli, Sarah, and Nate saw it all happen. Karli had flowers in her hand, a beautiful small bouquet with red roses, white lilies, and Baby's Breath. By then Bucky ran out of sight, down a small path. Karli strode up to you with a fury.
"What did you do? Huh?! What did you say to him?!" Her face aflame with anger.
"I-I didn't do anything." you said flabbergasted by her reaction.
"UGH! Come here! If you can't remember the truth on your own, I'll show you!" Karli snatched your hand up and practically drug you down the pathway. Karli ignored her aunt's calls for her to stop and come back.
it didn't take long to catch up to Bucky. in a small wooded area, there was an opening next to a weeping willow tree. Bucky was knelt by a small gravestone.
"See Y/N, do you remember now?" Karli said letting you go and flinging you towards the grave. Bucky got up from his resting place.
"Thank you for the flowers Karli but you really need to leave. Apologize to Y/N too." Bucky said looking thoroughly done with her attitude but softly taking the flowers anyway.
"Apologize?! Hell no! Y/N read it! read the stone." Karli shoved your back, as you turned to read it. In cursive letters it read:
Blair Wanda Barnes - 2016
'Before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you.'
You stared at it for a long time. you had no idea what to say or how to think.
"Dammit Y/N! How could you?! How could you be so cold to Bucky? He comes here every morning! HYDRA took everything from him. Looks like they took more than we thought, since you're so fucked up! You can't even remember your own daughter!" Karli yelled at you. You froze staring at those words and the name engraved on the stone.
Karli was crying and ran away out of sight. You were so frozen you had to remember to take a breath. You tried to read the stone again but dog tags and a blue Henley blocked your vision.
"Doll, you don't have to see this, please. Just go lie down. I'll join you in a little while." Bucky ordered softly. you looked up at him noticing how his voice was cracking wildly. tears fell from his eyes. this was the second time you'd seen him so beside himself. the first being your Bucky in Wakanda, when his mind was freed. You had no words. you just followed suit, wandering back into the house.
You followed the steps up to your room. ignoring Nat and Sam's calls you closed the bedroom door. You felt so numb, the kind of pain that came with that, you couldn't describe it. You felt violated almost, this kind of news was not meant for you to hear, not now. You had a daughter with Bucky. a daughter. Now his hesitancy makes more sense. Gods! Just laying eyes on you must be so painful! You cried, you cried for yourself, for this Bucky, and for the little bones buried in a tiny grave.
Dusk turned to night, and you were almost fully asleep when Bucky came back into your shared bedroom. the floorboards creaked underneath his weight, he'd checked to see if you were still awake. When he saw that you were asleep , or at least thought so, he gingerly kissed the center of your forehead and pulled the covers over your shoulders. He slept on the floor next to your bedside, for this Bucky's first time in years.
-End pt 2.