CHAPTER 29 - HEART

As the train station came into view, so did Ambrosia. The car flew past her, then gradually halted at the end of the platform. Bliss gathered herself and Afflatus, and they stepped onto the platform in District 7. Ambrosia walked towards them. Her family wasn't there, as usual. Bliss was glad.

At the sight of her wife, Bliss broke into a run. Ambrosia jumped up and wrapped her legs around Bliss' waist, embracing her. The moment Bliss' hand settled over soft Ambrosia's golden hair, she felt relief. The girl pulled apart, and Bliss drank in the sight of Ambrosia's brown eyes.

"It's good to see you, sweet girl." Bliss said.

"Hi baby." Ambrosia said in response.

Afflatus walked over to the pair, and Ambrosia offered her a hug. Affy accepted.

"Let's get back." Ambrosia said, after a camera flashed, a paparazzi documenting the moment.

The trio filed into Ambrosia's car, and sped off towards victor's village. The smell of the pacific northwest calmed Bliss. Luscious scenery drifted by in the summer heat. From the passenger's seat, Bliss held Ambrosia's hand, all the way home.

The drive was quiet, Bliss and Afflatus exhausted, and Ambrosia never quick to question her wife about the Games. They pulled into the D7 victor's village, and wound through streets before arriving at the cul-de-sac containing Bliss and Harlem's mansions. The other D7 victors were situated a few blocks over.

"I hope you don't mind, but I invited Harlem and Violet over for lunch." Ambrosia announced as she cut the engine.

"Not at all, thanks for setting that up." Bliss replied. Am gave her a smile. Afflatus seemed quietly happy too, able to see her friends again before next year's Games.

As Bliss' footsteps echoed off her porch, she finally felt like could take a complete breath. Inside, Violet and Harlem were preparing the table. The victors embraced each other when Bliss and Afflatus entered the kitchen.

"Good to see you." Echoed all around.

"How was D1?" Harlem ventured to ask. What little colour Afflatus' face held, suddenly drained.

"Informative." Bliss chimed in. "I promise, we'll talk later. Why don't we enjoy lunch first?"

"That sounds like a good idea." Violet said.

Ambrosia's eyes flickered between Bliss and Afflatus. Bliss tried not to react. She took her wife's hand and led her to the table. The others brought over plates of food over. The meal passed in an unnervingly civil and normal manner. Bliss kept waiting for something to go wrong.

Harlem and Ambrosia chatted easily, he seemed to be more himself. Ambrosia was attentive and kind to Violet, as this was one of the first times they'd met. Afflatus was personable and charming. It was almost as if her reality tv persona slipped out, but it wasn't to manipulate, she was merely trying to keep herself together. Bliss wished she could reach out and hold her hand, but couldn't even count how many boundaries that would cross, now that they were in the presence of Bliss' wife.

Ambrosia and Afflatus joked and began diving deeper into conversation. It made Bliss happy to see them enjoying each other's company. After the meal, Bliss retired for a nap. Instead of Afflatus, she slept next to Ambrosia. She folded her wife into her arms and fell asleep almost immediately.

…

Bliss woke from a nightmare, of teeth ripping into her breast. Ambrosia stirred at Bliss' rapid breath, but wasn't pulled all the way from sleep. Bliss extracted herself before she could ruin her wife's peace. It was only mid-afternoon, the sun was still high in the sky. Bliss wandered into the gardens behind her mansion. She'd remembered to request the white roses be removed before she returned, they reminded her too much of the heavenly arena of this year's Games.

Her mind spun, but her trains of thought crashed and burned. She shook her head, unable to quell the devastation that settled into her heart. She remembered her first meeting with Basal, the gentle giant. He was so scared, so fragile. From the jump, he'd been tormented. His mind had snapped. Then Lustre took advantage of him, and he died. He never should have been sent to the Games.

Afflatus had told Bliss about her conversation with Lustre, by the lake, after he stormed away from the fire pit. Maybe it was cruel, but Bliss was glad to hear how he suffered. People shouldn't be allowed to destroy others with no consequence.

She felt twisted up, ever changing for the worse. There's no way the girl that was Reaped would relish in another's misery. But that girl was naive. Since, she'd grown. Now, she believed in direct consequence, and direct consequence only. She thought the old "eye for an eye" adage was bullshit… people shouldn't fuck with others and not expect retaliation, even if the world's blind afterwards. It sent the wrong message, that if people hurt you, you shouldn't stand up for yourself.

In her mind, her screams combined with Basal's, a hellish cacophony. Bliss smacked herself in the forehead, trying to bash the memories from her skull. She hit herself again and again, until a pair of hands pried her closed fists open.

"It's okay, Bliss. Stop. It's okay." Harlem assured her, bringing her hands back to her sides. He let go when he no longer felt tension in her muscles. Bliss exhaled deeply, more of a sob than a breath. "I know it's a lot. It's too much." Harlem said into her hair, hugging her.

Bliss stared off into the distance until her breathing slowed. She felt a distance in her gaze, like she was looking at the garden in front of her through a screen.

"So what's with you and Violet?" She asked, trying to distract herself.

Harlem was reticent. "Umm… we talked."

When it didn't seem like he'd offer any details, Bliss said, "Is that all I get?"

Harlem rolled his eyes, but decided to share after a few sighs. "I told him how I felt. We're 'together'… or whatever."

"You sound like a teenager." Bliss joked.

Harlem scoffed, but it turned into a chuckle. "We're still figuring it out, but he said he wants to be with me."

"How's that going to work?" Bliss pried.

"If you must know, I've agreed to Violet sleeping with other people, as long as he informs me. We're still coming to an understanding about emotional intimacy with others, but we're communicating, and I think that's the most important part… He said he has no doubts about wanting to be with me, but doesn't think he can give up sex… Which I want to honour. There's no use being with someone who asks you to suppress parts of yourself, right?" Harlem said, taking his time.

"I think it's really brave you were honest with him." Bliss said. "You guys seem right for each other."

Harlem smiled. "I think we are." He rubbed his head. "Thanks for listening. Sorry I'm awkward."

"I wouldn't take you any other way." Bliss returned his smile.

"…Do you want to talk about what upset you?" Harlem asked.

"I think for now I want a break from talking… it's nothing you don't know already, though. Everything's shit right now, isn't it?" Bliss said quietly.

"At least we're home." Harlem said.

"It's true." Bliss said.

Harlem gave her a questioning glance.

"What?" Bliss prompted.

"Are you seriously going to make me ask?" Harlem said, eyebrows raised, crinkling his forehead.

Bliss looked at him incredulously.

"What going on with you and Afflatus? And Ambrosia?" Harlem asked.

Bliss groaned, and buried her head in her hands.

Harlem chuckled. "That's a fine answer, I suppose."

Bliss side-eyed him. "I don't know…" She finally said. "I don't want anyone to get hurt, but I know I've been messy."

"That's one word for it." Harlem said.

Bliss swatted him. "Come on Harlem, give me a break!" She said, laughing.

"Well, you know I'm here if you need help figuring it out." Harlem said.

"I appreciate it." Bliss reached out, squeezing his hand.

…

When Bliss returned to her mansion, voices drew her attention from one of the large sitting rooms. She lingered outside the open doors, eavesdropping.

"I wanted to say again how much I appreciate you inviting me into your home." Afflatus's perfect voice drifted over to Bliss.

"The pleasure's all mine. I know you've supported Bliss over the years, and I wanted to extend my thanks. I can't imagine what it's like in the Capitol, and I'm glad you have each other." Ambrosia responded. Guilt leeched into Bliss' heart.

"I'm happy to see you as well." Afflatus said.

"Why?" Ambrosia asked, used to being thought about last. It was apparent in her tone.

Afflatus looked Ambrosia in the eye, and directed her perfect smile at her. "Because you're sweet. You're a good person. I've enjoyed the times we've met over the years."

Ambrosia didn't appear to know how to respond to the praise from the perfect woman sitting beside her. "I've enjoyed our time together too. And I know the more time Bliss spends with you in the Capitol, the better she fares. We're lucky to have you in our lives."

Bliss heard a swallow, and assumed Afflatus drank from the whiskey glass that accompanied her everywhere.

"Can I ask you a question, Afflatus?" Ambrosia said. Bliss' stomach dropped.

"Of course." Afflatus said.

"Have you and Bliss slept together?" Ambrosia asked.

Afflatus choked on her whiskey. "Pardon me… No, Ambrosia, we haven't. I promise." Fabric scraped as she dabbed at her blouse. "There's been more than one night we slept in the same bed, but I assure you that was more like suicide watch than romance."

Ambrosia flinched.

"Sorry, I forget how brash I can be sometimes. I don't see the use in dishonesty, though." Afflatus said.

Ambrosia took a deep breath. "Do you want to sleep with her?"

Afflatus tossed her hair over her shoulder, considering what to say next. "I don't want to lie to you, but I also don't want to cross any boundaries. I have respect for you, for your relationship with Bliss. And I will not intrude where I'm not welcome." Afflatus spoke respectfully.

"I can accept that." Ambrosia said. Bliss' stomach unclenched, and heat flowed to her face.

The pair settled into a casual conversation about one of the shows Afflatus appeared on.

Bliss retreated, footsteps silent. Well, silent to Ambrosia, but probably not to a trained career victor. Bliss didn't evade all the creaks in the old wood. She didn't mind if Afflatus knew she was eavesdropping, though, honestly. And Bliss didn't mind their conversation at all, either. It was better to see them communicating, than guarding their thoughts. She was glad they cleared the air.

Bliss felt odd being the centre of attention. Her upbringing couldn't have been more opposite. The emotional neglect was staggering, and Bliss was essentially forced to raise herself, all while fending off her malicious brother. She'd almost been glad when she thought she'd been sentenced to death at the Reaping Ceremony in year 42, but ultimately her anger outweighed her sadness, and it carried her to victory. She'd barely seen her family since her victory, only appearing for the occasional, forced, photo op. They never had much to say to one another. She didn't think about them much.

It was difficult to accept she was loved, her brain told her it was all a sick joke, and she'd wake up one day with nobody. She didn't have time to entertain thoughts like that, though, and let the anxiety dissipate.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and casually chatting. Bliss and Ambrosia made dinner, and invited Harlem and Violet back over for the meal. Bliss was glad to be in their company, surrounded by people she trusted.