CHAPTER 30 - PATER
Bliss woke tangled in Ambrosia's arms, after a night of terror in her sleep. Gentle sunlight filtered in the spaces between their curtains. She enjoyed listening to the relaxed cadence of Ambrosia's breath. She stayed still, making sure not to wake her wife, and enjoyed the silence for close to an hour before Ambrosia stirred.
"Hey." Ambrosia said, wiping sleep out of her eyes. "Were you watching me sleep?"
"Yes." Bliss admitted. "You're so beautiful."
Before the latter half of Bliss' statement, Ambrosia looked like she was going to joke. But now, tears filled her eyes. "I love you." She said.
"I love you, too." Bliss said, frowning with concern. "What's going through that head of yours?"
Ambrosia rubbed her eyes. "Do you want to take a walk with me?"
"Yes." Bliss said.
They dressed quickly, then stepped into the gardens behind their mansion. Beyond the gardens, was the woods. The pair walked until they came upon and bench overlooking a valley. Sunlight gleamed off the dark mahogany.
The girls settled onto the wood. Bliss let her hair down, a curtain to block the sun's direct rays. She turned to her wife, waiting for her to speak.
"I want you to be happy… I want us to be okay…" Ambrosia sighed. "But I'm not sure I know how to help you… I want to but… I don't know anything. I don't know the what goes on in the Capitol, and I don't know how to help you after. I feel like I'm failing you. I feel like you'll want to be with someone better than me."
"Am…" Bliss reached out and held her hand. She paused, trying to collect her thoughts. "I'm sorry, love. Part of me thought it would be better if you never knew. I didn't want you to have to… handle me… but I suppose you do anyways, even if I'm not honest… I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark. And I want you, please believe me."
Ambrosia nodded. "You can tell me anything. I will try and find a way to help."
"I don't deserve you." Bliss said.
"Hey." Ambrosia held Bliss' chin with her pointer finger and thumb. "Don't say that."
Tears filled Bliss' eyes. "This year was worse than others…" Bliss began.
She opened up about the events of this year's Games, starting with Basal's Reaping. She didn't leave any details out, telling Ambrosia the excruciating truth. Ambrosia couldn't help but cry at the revelations. She always cried when something was awful enough to send Bliss into psychosis.
"…What do you dream about, when you wake up crying or screaming?" Ambrosia's voice shook as she asked.
Bliss almost faltered before telling her wife what Marcus did to her, shame tightening her lips.
"Am… I didn't sleep with Afflatus, but…" Bliss began.
"You slept with someone else?" Ambrosia looked confused.
"Not by choice…" Bliss whispered, a tear falling from her eyelid. No flashbacks overtook her, though.
"Fuck." Ambrosia got up and paced, then kneeled in front of Bliss. "Fuck…"
"He's dead now." Bliss said.
"Good." Ambrosia nodded. The news calmed her.
"You don't… think any different of me?" Bliss ventured.
"Bliss… of course not." Ambrosia said, sadly. She pulled Bliss in for a hug, burying her face in her neck.
Bliss took a break from her explanations, to calm the storm in her mind. Ambrosia didn't let her go.
…
The sound of the doorbell, then the heavy, pounding footsteps of someone who was running broke Bliss, Afflatus, and Ambrosia out of the casual conversation they were having in one of the sitting rooms. The women looked at each other, confused.
"Did someone just ding-dong-ditch me?" Bliss asked.
"No, the footsteps were running towards the door. We heard them after the doorbell." Afflatus ascertained.
Fear clenched Bliss' guts, thinking it was a Capitol lackey strike team sent to exterminate the troublesome victors.
The doorbell sounded again.
Bliss swallowed her fear, and walked to the front entrance. When she swung the door open, she almost wished she faced Capitol goons instead. Harlem's sweaty face stared back at her, along with the face of Councilman Beaudrie, Bliss' father.
"Sorry, I-" Harlem started, still panting from the run. "He was early." He motioned to Bliss' father. "And you were supposed to come to my place first." He stared the older man down.
"What's going on?" Bliss said politely, rage contained.
Harlem could tell she was pissed off, though, and looked apologetic. Afflatus and Ambrosia appeared behind Bliss, flanking her on either side. They noticed the tension in her stance and readied themselves to defend, should the need arise. Ambrosia's eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the Councilman.
"Bliss… can we talk?" Her father asked, in his regular impersonal manner.
"No. Leave, please." Bliss said, in the same cool tone.
The Councilman swallowed, and his eyes flickered between the victors, looking intimidated. It was odd seeing the expression on the man's face, usually a blank slate. He eyed the healing discolouration on Bliss' face, from the attack. She was glad he couldn't see the extent of her injuries.
"Please, Bliss?" The Councilman tried again.
As the moments passed, Bliss' irritation was harder to contain. She was under a microscope, everyone waiting on her word. She didn't want to speak to her father, didn't want to look at him.
Bliss fixed her eyes on Harlem. "Why did you do this?" It was vague, but got the point across. The rage seeped into her tone.
"Come here for a second." Harlem said, brushing past her father, into Bliss' home. It unfroze the tense tableau of people, everyone remembering to breathe. Harlem guided Bliss into an adjacent library, and closed the doors behind them.
Before Bliss could begin ranting at him, Harlem simply held up a hand. "Just listen. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to blindside you… I have to tell you something. I know you're going to be mad at me, but I need to you know I wasn't trying to hurt you."
Bliss was speechless. She sank into one of the couches, waiting for his explanation.
"You father calls me, to check in on you-" Harlem started.
"It's none of his goddamn business!" Bliss interrupted.
"I know. I'm sorry. Just listen, please?" Harlem pleases. Bliss rolled her eyes, but nodded. "He always calls after we return from the Capitol each year, just to hear firsthand you're still alive… He's been calling me nonstop since you called him briefly…" Harlem paused, giving Bliss time to process the information.
"Bliss… he loves you." Harlem started again. Bliss drew in a sharp breath. "I know things are complicated, I'm not trying to downplay that. You should have heard him, though, Bliss… I've known your family for a while now and I've never heard him so worried and upset… I know he's failed you in the past. I don't think he knows how to be there for you. But he loves you… doesn't that count for something?" Harlem asked.
His statements made sense, but they didn't erase years of pain. "You have some fucking nerve." Bliss said, storming passed him.
…
Afflatus found Bliss in the gardens behind her house, a while later. She was pacing, black hair flying wildly behind her in the wind, knotted. Bliss shot her a look as she approached, but didn't tell her to leave.
"I think you should speak with your father." Afflatus said, blunt.
Bliss looked at her incredulously. "Affy, I'm not in the mood."
Afflatus sighed. "You don't want to know why he came?"
The pace of Bliss' breath started increasing, and her heart beat rapidly. "I'm warning you, Aff, back off."
"What if I told you he was connected to Opal?" Afflatus said.
…
The group congregated in Bliss' gardens, free from surveillance. Violet and Harlem perched on a cracked bench, grey stone contrasting the bright flowers winding through the beds. Ambrosia and Afflatus sat on either side of Bliss, across from Violet and Harlem. Councilman Beaudrie sat on a stone pillar that served as a chair.
The Councilman's manner was unusual to Bliss. Regularly, she was met with cold indifference, a wall of stone. Now, he fidgeted, sweating through his suit. His eyes flickered between the killers. Bliss has never felt more comfortable in his presence.
"Why are you here?" Bliss began, after everyone settled.
"I wanted to check on you. You sounded upset when you called." The Councilman said, barely able to meet her eyes.
"I shouldn't have." Bliss said, eyes narrowed.
"Why did you?" He asked.
"Wanted to see if you were dead or not." She answered, casually.
The Councilman looked perplexed, then frightened. "Why would you need to confirm such a thing? Did you do something?"
"I doesn't matter." Bliss waved away his question, she had no inclination to share. He was the one who supposedly had information.
Apparently, after Bliss had stormed off, the Councilman began to spill his guts: his fear for Bliss, his guilt. Afflatus had prompted him to keep going, and he started speaking about how he never meant for any of this to happen, he didn't even know Opal.
At the sound of the traitor's name, Afflatus and Harlem snatched him off the doorstep and continued the conversation in the middle of the street outside. When it became evident he was willing to share information he'd kept secret for well over a decade, Afflatus broke off to retrieve Bliss.
"It does matter, Bliss! Your actions have consequences, the Capitol makes us answer for everything." The Councilman warned.
"You think I don't know that?!" Irritation crept into Bliss' tone. "Are you just here to lecture me, or do you actually have something to say?" Five pairs of eyes bore down on the Councilman.
"Okay, okay." The Councilman said, backing down. "Is there any way we can speak… in private?"
"No." Bliss answered, plainly. She wasn't afraid of him, but he was faster to lose his manners without anyone else present.
The Councilman sighed heavily. "Alright."
Anger surged through Bliss, her father was taking his time getting down to business. Her fists curled into balls at her side. Ambrosia worked the tension out of the fist pressed into her leg.
"I have a confession to make." The Councilman said, heavily.
Bliss' stomach shrank, against her will. Her facade remained strong, if not ambivalent. Nobody spoke, waiting for the Councilman to tell his story.
"Twenty years ago, D7's Council assigned me as liaison to D8." Another deep breath interrupted The Councilman's flow. It was news to Bliss, she never had known what his duties were.
"It was business as usual, at first. I spoke to D8's liaison every day. We never met, but over time became friendly. One day, I started receiving written correspondence from him. The letters had nothing to do with business. They were friendly, asking my opinions on matters, and the like. I was confused, but it seemed harmless, so I began responding…
"This was just before the 33rd Hunger Games. Creel Doff became victor, then he was promptly executed for the crimes of his district. The liaison I spoke with from D8 was identified as a traitor involved with the peacekeeper uniform tampering fiasco…" Sweat poured off the planes of his face. He took off his jacket to relieve the sensation. Large sweat stains ruined his pressed shirt. When Bliss listened closely, she heard him fighting to keep his breath even. Though minor, seeing the display of emotion made anxiety creep through Bliss. She feared the next part of the story.
"I was taken to the Capitol and interrogated, under the guise of a business trip. Your mother doesn't even know what happened." The Councilman said directly to Bliss, instead of the rubble under their shoes. Bliss' stomach clenched at the thought of what her father had gone through.
"I didn't know anything, not a single thing. I never knew why the D8 liaison wrote to me, if he eventually was going to try and recruit me, but hadn't got that far by the time he was discovered… They didn't believe me. They thought our written correspondence discussing opinions on textiles was code. You see… Before his death, Opal Honey created a network of collaborators in the districts and Capitol. They believed I was a part of Opal's network, an accomplice… Why don't you seem shocked?" He stared at Bliss.
"We know about the network." Bliss announced, exchanging a glance with Afflatus. She shot a glance at Harlem, indicating she'd fill him in later.
Harlem's eyes bugged out of his head. Violet's eyebrows knit together. Bliss and Afflatus hadn't had a chance to appraise them of all their shenanigans in D1. They were planning on sharing the information they learned today, but then Bliss' father showed up and ruined everything.
"Did you know I was interrogated in the Capitol?" Something in the Councilman's eyes seemed on the verge of breaking.
"No." Bliss said.
A memory flashed in her mind, her father's name crossed out in Creel Doff's file. It made sense now, since they'd initially thought he was involved with the treason.
"Why are you telling me this now?" Bliss demanded.
The Councilman's head fell into his hands. "I never wanted to… but you seem to be in more danger than ever." He a look at Harlem. Bliss shot Harlem a dirty look, hoping he didn't spill too many of her secrets. "I want you to understand the magnitude of the consequences…"
"I do understand! I see it every time I go to the Capitol, you don't have to remind me!" Bliss said, angrily.
"I'm sorry, I'm not good at this…" The Councilman said, tears threatening.
"What was your consequence?" Harlem joined the conversation. "Since you're alive, I imagine they finally believed you were innocent. But I can't imagine they didn't give you a warning."
A tear finally broke over the Councilman's eyelid, falling down his face. "I thought if I kept my head down and my mouth shut, they would be forgiving… But then… they Reaped you, Bliss." The Councilman said.
Bliss' stomach turned to stone, as grey and cracked as the bench she sat on. She was sentenced to death because of her father's careless correspondence? After a lifetime of pain, her father very nearly stole her happy ending. She wasn't supposed to be alive. All because of… letters?
She lunged for her father, smashing her fists into his face. He was unprepared for the attack, entirely unguarded. She'd already blackened his eyes before he began to react. Someone tried to pull her off him, as Areti and Plush pulled her off Lustre in D1, but this time she fought back. She wasn't done hurting her father, and wouldn't be until he was unrecognizable.
In the corner of her vision, she saw Violet escorting Ambrosia back into the mansion, away from the crossfire. Afflatus' metal hands closed over Bliss' wrists, then bound her hands behind her back. Harlem helped Affy drag Bliss off her father's bleeding body.
"Fuck you! I hate you!" Bliss yelled, as Afflatus and Harlem dragged her farther away.
Sobs constricted her chest. This nightmarish, inescapable existence she was trapped inside could have been avoided. If she'd never been Reaped, she would never have felt Plum's loss, what it was like to watch someone die, or take someone's life, or deal with the horrors of the Capitol. Her father had ruined her. The moment they let go of her, she'd kill him.
"Bliss, calm down." Afflatus commanded, using a serious tone. Harlem went to check on her father.
"Get the fuck off of me!" Bliss replied, trying to shake loose from Afflatus' metal hands. They didn't budge.
"I'm not letting you go until you calm down." Afflatus said in the same tone.
"He ruined my fucking life…" Bliss said, her voice anguish.
"I know." Afflatus assured her, holding her tight.
Bliss wailed, screaming as she cried, her heart exploding.