CHAPTER 1- Bella's POV
Enough, I thought. I was standing in front of my mirror looking at my reflection. My eyes were red swollen from crying, there were dark circles under my eye form the lack of sleep, my hair was dry and frizzy and I'm pretty sure I smell like shit. Literally. I haven't showered in days and its time I get my act together. Enough, I repeated. It's their fault if they don't want me. I will perfectly fine without them. If they don't love me then I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me broken.
I ran my fingers through my boring brown and tangled hair as the last tear fell down my cheek. I straightened my shoulder, stood up tall and looked myself in the mirror. From this day on, I will never shed a tear for another man again, I vowed. They are not worth my precious tears.
I took a deep breath, stripped my clothes off and jumped into the shower. I took a nice cold shower, shaved my legs and arm, then wrapped a towel around my body. I got out and looked in the mirror again, I'm going to be ok, I thought. I have to be, I added.
I walked into my closet and realized that everything was the same. All of them were jeans, t-shirts, and cardigans. I needed something different, something sexier, darker and something I can fake confidence in. I made a mental note to shopping later and put on a pair of black jeans and a white top. I combed my hair and noticed that even my hair was so plain, again I made a mental note to go to the salon and do something different with my hair.
I went downstairs to find the house was a mess. There were dirty dishes in the sink, and I could tell no one has swept the place in a long time. There were empty beer cans and pizza boxes littered on the floor in the living room, and I'm pretty sure Charlie hasn't done the laundry in a while.
I sighed, it's a good thing I decided to get my act together, I don't know how long Charlie can live on beer and pizza. I quickly made myself a meal not sure whether it was breakfast or lunch, then set to work. Charlie was at work, so I had the whole place to myself. I started with the laundry then cleaned and swept the living room. I did the kitchen next; washed and dried the dishes, wiped the countertops, cleaned the table, and took out the trash. I sighed in satisfaction as I looked at the now spotless house. I looked at the time and realized I've been cleaning for three hours. It was now 2:00 pm and I knew the fridge was empty, so I decided to go grocery shopping.
I took the keys to my truck and sped off towards the Forks grocery store. I was getting pasta when I heard her.
"Bella?" I looked up to see a very ecstatic Angela. "Bella!" she said again hugging me. "It's so good to see you alive again."
I laughed, "It's good to be alive again," I said and then her face become sympathetic. Ugh, I hate pity looks. "I'm sorry I haven't been a good friend lately."
"Nonsense Bella. You've just been through a breakup, I know how you feel." I gave her a confused look when I saw her hurt expression. "Ben and I broke up a few weeks ago," she said and guilt coursed through me. If I wasn't in my 'zombie' state I would've known.
"Oh I'm so sorry. We should hangout sometime. Catchup you know? And so I can make it up to you."
She smiled, "I would like that, but you have nothing to make up for." We said our goodbyes and went back to out shopping. I got home by 3:00 and unloaded the groceries from my truck and put them in their respective places. Then went up to my room to relax. My eyes widened as I took in my room. The bed was unmade, there were tissues on the floor and the clothes in my were a mess. So instead of relaxing I cleaned my room. When I was done, I finally got to relax. I took out my copy of Wuthering Heights and began to read.
An hour later I decided to start making diner since Charlie will be arriving home soon. Steak and potatoes, Charlie's favorite, just to tell him how sorry I am for putting him through all this worry. 20 minutes later I heard Charlie's cruiser pull in.
"Bella?" he said walking in.
"In the kitchen," I shouted back. He came to the kitchen with a shocked expression on his face, probably from the clean house and the smell of me cooking food. "Sit," I demanded. "I'll serve dinner and then we'll talk." He nodded and sat down while I served dinner. When we were both seated, he started.
"Bells, are you ok?"
I sighed, "No dad," I said wanting to be honest. "But I will be. I'm trying to get better."
"That's good. I've been worried you'll stay like that forever and I won't be able to help you."
Once again I was consumed with guilt realizing how selfish I've been. I've put him through so much of stress and misery just because some idiots left me.
"I'm sorry dad," I said. "But I am getting better, and I promise you I won't be like that again," I smiled.
He gave me a small smile, "I'm glad Bells, but if there is anything you need to tell me you can ok?" I nodded. "I love you Bells."
"I love you too Dad," and with that we ate in silence. I did the dished, said goodnight to my dad and then went upstairs to my room. I was exhausted. I changed into my pajamas and I knocked out as soon as my head hit the pillow.
And for the first times, in a long time, I slept with no nightmares.