A/N - You know the drill for these harder chapters. Thank you to all those who shared your opinion on this tricky subject. Also note, mention of miscarriage in this chapter.

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"The only thing I ever wanted Arizona, truly and deeply, was you. I- I wasn't lying on the day of the shooting either, I didn't want kids if it meant I couldn't be with you."

Arizona's insecurity was never about Callie's sexual orientation, it was simply the subsequent percentage of people she could leave her for. It wasn't 50% of the population, it 100%, because basically Callie could have whoever she wanted. I mean if she could make Erica Hahn feel things, then, well, she could essentially make anyone fall for her, man or woman. It was all about percentages. With this in mind however, there is one thing that can't be disputed - they broke up because of the child issue. Well, it was certainly the subject they wouldn't have been able to recover from if circumstances hadn't dictated otherwise. Ultimately, not only did she not want a child, she couldn't give her one. Who could do both?

Mark. Sloan.

That's what it boiled down to, even after all these years. Dammit. She whispered; the pain evident. "He told me I was nothing." Callie's response was to frown, who the hell was 'he'? But before she could attempt to put the pieces together, she got her answer. "Mark, h- he told me I was nothing that day in the hospital, when we were told w- we may have to make a choice. We argued, he said save you, I said save Sofia. I told him he was a sperm donor and he told me I wa- was nothing, that I- I wasn't family." Her voice had dropped, she took in the brunette's face, it was unreadable. "He apologised, we made up, I cared for him, we kept each other alive on that mountain, b- but it's still something that sits at the back of my mind you know?" How could it not? When you're told you're nothing in your child's life, especially from one of the parent's for god's sake. "People look at me when I'm out with her, I don't have the same complexion, same hair colour, they look at you and don't have to understand genetics to know she came from you." It was when strangers looked at them together when those feelings of not belonging were most prevalent. "They see me as the help or the maid or the babysitter, not as her mumma, which is what I am Callie, I'm her mumma." Her voice was desperate, pleading.

Callie couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. Mark Sloan told Arizona she was nothing? Nothing in what? Her life? Sofia's life? Life in general?! She shook her head, trying to make sense of why he would say that. She grabbed Arizona's hand again, this time taking it into a much firmer grip, the blonde lifted her head in response. "I- I don't know why he would say that, he was wrong, Arizona yo- you are everything, to me, me and Sofia. Never, ever doubt that." She took a minute to compose herself and it just slipped out. "I'd kill him if he was here."

Arizona quickly shook her head. "We made up, he told me I wasn't nothing after, it was all said in the heat of the moment, I get it, got it. But I knew then, even though I accepted his genuine regret, that you had this connection with him, you could make another baby, he had the… facilities… which enabled it. Why would I be good enou-"

She took a chance and cut her off, she didn't want her person to finish those thoughts. "He was never a threat Arizona, no one was ever a threat to you regarding my heart, it always belonged to you. Yes we had a history, but it was physical and you and I weren't a thing." She knew 'jumping into bed' with him so soon after Africa hurt Arizona, because regardless of the circumstances, sometimes jealously isn't rational. "We essentially used each other that night, there was no emotion, just meaningless sex." The blonde scrunched her nose, that didn't help things. "We got the best result from it, obviously, but honestly, I think I ended up crying throughout, I certainly did at the end." Her admission was met by a genuine snort, both exhaling a small laugh. "It's true!" In the reflective silence that followed, their grip tightened. "Arizona, I loved Mark, he's the father of our child, my best friend, but there wouldn't be a day that I would pick him over you."

And she had, ultimately, and Arizona knew that. But the only other person she had a close relationship with was her brother. And he left her. The two people she loved the most, the two people she gave her heart to, opened up to and made herself completely vulnerable to - left her. It's all she knew, and it broke her, both times. "I want to be with you Callie, I'm desperate to be, but I'm afraid, so afraid that you'll leave me again. I can't take that, I wouldn't cope, I don't think I'd survive, I barely made it last time." Truth is, she hadn't even tried to move on, maybe because she didn't want to, maybe because she couldn't or a bit of both. She had never found anyone she cared about, but Callie had, and that added to her insecurity. "You even got yourself a girlfriend within five minutes of our divorce and brought her to Mer's." That night was one of the worst of her life. "It felt like you were rubbing it in my face, the only way I survived that night was getting wasted, and I'm pretty sure I was waving a knife at April at one point."

The very thought triggered confusion. "You thought I was rubbing her in your face?"

"Yeah, like hey look, I've got a problem-free girlfriend here, my cheating, non-committed ex-wife is long behind me. I've got a perfect pretty Penny, sober and-"

She was going to interrupt again, fingers crossed there were no repercussions… "Arizona, it was never my intention to make you feel bad. I just wanted to introduce her to my friends." She shrugged, defeated. "I dunno, maybe it was too early or I didn't take into account how you'd feel." She wondered how she'd have felt if the roles were reversed, they never were very good at reflecting how their actions would impact the other. "I didn't think you would care, not really, I thought we were in a good place as friends-ish, I… I'm sorry."

As she finished her thoughts, she wondered if Arizona took it in, because her face appeared to drop, a vacant expression adorning those delicate features. It appeared, from her response, she had started on a downward path. "I just never felt good enough for you." The kicker came out in a barely audible whisper. "I couldn't even carry your child."

With that, Callie quickly removed her hands and instantly moved in for an embrace, holding her tightly, with Arizona subsequently falling into her arms. After some soft, soothing comfort, she positioned herself so she sat directly in Arizona's line of sight, eyes firmly fixed. "Arizona Robbins, that was not your fault, under no circumstances do you ever blame yourself for what happened, do you understand me?" They hadn't really talked about the miscarriage; their lives went on and their communication just… stopped. Go figure. But if Arizona genuinely thought she couldn't give Callie what she wanted, the brunette was going to immediately shut that down. "If we're talking about life, giving me what I wanted, then without you Arizona, Sof wouldn't be here, you saved her that day, you're the reason she lived, you gave me my- our baby girl. If something had happened to her, I don't know if I would have coped." She placed their foreheads together, her voice lowered. "You gave me life that day, not just Sofia." It was then she realised their close proximity, and when brown eyes dropped, it made the next action inevitable. Callie leant in, and placed a soft kiss on Arizona's lips. "You saved both of us."

They fell back into the embrace, blue-eyed sobs taking over her body. They sat there for an immeasurable amount of time; the clock had chimed once. The hug was close, arms were wrapped as tightly as they'd allow. At some point during their intimate hold a tanned hand reached to stroke soft blonde hair, it evened out her breathing almost instantly. More time passed, it was clear neither surgeon had felt as contented and 'at peace' as they were in that moment, for years. When movement didn't finally occur, Arizona raised her head to see the human pillow she held just moments ago, had started to stand. After everything they'd discussed, her response to the action may have seemed irrational "Ar- are you leaving?"

But Callie understood she couldn't get frustrated or dismiss the concern in the blonde's voice. When fully upright, she stroked her head. "Yes, but just to grab a few things from the store, I'll be back in 30 minutes." She placed a small kiss on the hair she'd just caressed.

"Don't be too long, okay?"

"I won't be, go to bed and I'll come up when I'm back." She made her way to the front door, gave her person one last smile, and got into her car, parked on the curb.

Okay Torres, this is it, she's opened up to you, not only about being left in therapy, the baby issue, the divorce but about the miscarriage, Mark, Penny and most importantly, Sofia. You might have to spend every day reassuring her she's worth it, that she's the love of your life, that you three are family. And you know what? You do that, you do that Callie Torres because you are not letting this go, again. Now drive to the store, you know what you're after.

When she got back, 25 minutes later, she did a quick run through and made sure doors were locked, alarms were set, appliances were off etc before she made her way upstairs. She first checked in on their snoozing daughter. Sofia got her deep sleep & grumpy morning attitude from her, but the starfish was pure Robbins. Once satisfied she was out for the count, she pulled the door to and made her way to Arizona's bedroom. She knocked and waited for a response. When permission was granted by way of a mumbled affirmative, she tentatively made her way in, pushing the door closed behind her bar a small gap. Her person, her only real and ever person, was sat at the end of bed, prostatic off, eyes puffy, tired features across her face. Callie sat beside her and held out a tub and a spoon, arching an eyebrow as she did. "They have donut flavoured Ben & Jerry's ice cream now; did you know that?"

Arizona scoffed, what an absurd question. "I know, I saw it the other day and thought of you, how you would see it and think of me." She cringed slightly, "Is that weird?" Callie laughed and shook her head as they both started to tuck in. "I have a good memory."

She smiled as she went for a scoop. "Go for it."

"Do you remember when we played softball? And we lost. Badly."

That was not a good day for SGMW. "Boy, did we ever get thumped."

"Do you remember when you came back from the hospital as a 'roaming outfielder' and we got a little… carried away with… well, each other?" This time Arizona took a scoop, invertedly (maybe) making the act somewhat less than PG by slowly withdrawing the spoon after placing it in her mouth. "We made our way to the cooler and you tackled me to the ground when I reached down to get some water?"

Callie was definitely drooling at the sight in front of her AND the memory. "Well if you didn't want to be jumped you shouldn't have such a perfect ass, it's not my fault."

Arizona giggled and turned to trace her thumb up and down Callie's cheek. "You mentioned Cancun, how we were 'unashamedly lost in each other's eyes', 'ridiculously happy' and were 'complete', I still felt that way, feel that way. You pinned me and completely covered my body with yours, tickling me and peppering me with kisses. The med school me, the John Hopkins me, would have been mortified of showing any sort of public affection." She blushed. "And yes, I know we were married, but I realised, even more so than before, how Callie Torres loving me, and wanting the world to see, and not caring what other people thought, made me complete. Happier than I ever thought I'd be, I didn't know that level of happiness and belonging existed."

The brunette couldn't help it, mouth full of ice cream or not, she leant in for another kiss. This one was creamy and icy, and made them both lightly recoil, giggling at the amount of cream she'd left smeared over Arizona's mouth. "Teddy couldn't pitch, Cristina and Meredith were drunk and you and I were waaaaay to into each other. No wonder we lost."

They remained in place, taking it in turns reaching for the tub, recalling further incidents of the day, it was the last times they could remember everyone being happy. It made them feel equal parts joy and sadness, it shouldn't have been one of the last times they saw Mark and Lexie. It was at these sobering thoughts that Arizona's tired head fell onto Callie's shoulder. She had shared so much tonight, expressed so many years' worth of insecurities, how she viewed herself, how her experiences had impacted her confidence. But Callie was here, she came back, told her everything she needed to know. She was in this, Arizona was everything to her, they were going to be okay.

These thoughts were reciprocated. They had spoken at length, Callie hadn't appreciated just how many things Arizona felt insecure about, rational or not, especially to her. But they had talked about it, had an open discussion and left no stone unturned. How many times would both dismiss the other's concerns in the past? Probably every time, especially the Mark issue. He was simply never a threat, and Callie did harbour some guilt that Arizona ever felt that way. Even though it was reaffirmed throughout, she asked one last question, turning her head and mumbling it into blonde hair. "What do I have to do to start to rebuild your trust that I'm not leaving?"

Arizona didn't lift her head. "Sleep in here tonight and hold me?"

With a shy smile, Callie brought Arizona's hand to her lips and placed several delicate kisses along the back. "I'll go get changed and put the ice-cream away," As she got up, she turned quickly and pointed a finger. "No funny business though Robbins."

For the first time that night, the weight was lifted. She couldn't quite manage a full dimpled smile, she was too emotionally shot, but she felt it, inside. "Yes ma'am."

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A/N - Here we go!

Going off last chapter - the bisexual issue. For me, Arizona is not bigoted. Her insecurity is that Callie simply has more 'options' when it comes to choosing someone (and therefore increases the chances she'll leave her) - it's purely a percentage game. For Arizona, IMO, she'd be the same if she was stuck on an island with 50 women and Callie was stuck on an island with 100 women, gender isn't a factor, it's the fact Callie would have more people to fall for. Apologies if that was not reflected in my writing.

I am fortunate enough to have never experienced bigotry or loss, I don't want to do a disservice to those who have, and I hope these chapters do not come across as dismissive.

Once again, thank you for your reviews and feedback, let's get out of these angsty topics.