Heyy sorry about that giant hiatus... I thought it would be easier to just post on one site and then go back when I was finished to upload here, but it's taking way longer than I thought. sorry about that.

But I'm back today in honor of this fic's four year anniversary coming up on Sunday (May 5) XD lowkey kinda embarressing, but that you everyone for coming back!

Also there's this one user who leaves nasty comments on Wattpad telling me how unrealistic this fic is. They never say anything about Katniss and Finnick's relationship being unrealistic but instead they're talking about my representation of the Games? Or Peeta and Katniss' sibling-ness? I was going to ignore it (besides responding very kindly to inform them why I made the changes I did, because I'm a very nice person) but then when I logged back into ffnet today I saw a review from a user who's username was suspiciously similar to the one on Wattpad.

So to this one unnamed depressed human who I won't name because I'm trying to spare you the humiliation: Did you know that one of the defining features of fanfiction is I can make changes to the world and add in my own twists? No one else has had enough of a problem with my writing that they had nothing nice to say but still keep reading it! :) Thanks for reading and being an obnoxious pessimist :) I'm sorry your dad abandoned you as a child and your boyfriend cheated on you with your cousin :)

Now get ready for five thousand posts tonight!

I groaned as the train pulled into the station, preparing myself for another few weeks of smiling at the camera while children entrusted into my care were mercilessly slaughtered.

My tributes were average for District 12. Small and weak from a life of malnourishment. I knew they would never make it, but it was still painful just looking at them.

There were crowds of ugly Capitol citizens outside the windows, waving to us, desperate to catch a glimpse of the tributes, or of Peeta and me. I smiled and waved once, then turned my back on them.

"Word of advice," I said. "Wave at them. Smile. A tribute can't win the Hunger Games without sponsors. And the only way to get sponsors is to get people to like you."

The girl swallowed. "I-"

"Just do it," Haymitch grumbled.

"She has social anxiety," the boy spoke for her, always annoyed with Haymitch.

"Who has time for social anxiety? You should be anxious about dying, not speaking to people." Haymitch guffawed as if his joke was actually funny. The girl looked down.

The skin on my forearm itches, as if it, too, was anticipating another two names added to the ever-growing tattooed list.

"Leave her alone, Haymitch," Peeta said firmly before the situation escalated. To be honest, I'm not sure how we survived as mentors before Peeta came around to balance us out for the tributes' sake.

Once our tributes were ushered away to Beauty Base Zero, I went to my room on District 12's floor to de-escalate before I had to face even more crowds. I considered sneaking down to the fourth floor to visit Finnick and check up on Mags, but I knew I would see them later anyway, and I needed some time to myself.

I hadn't realized just how badly my hands were shaking, or just how sweaty I really was until I allowed myself to relax.

I heard a knock on the door and gritted my teeth. "What?" I called.

"Can I come in?" Peeta's voice carried through the closed door.

"I guess that's fine." I responded, not standing up to open the door. But it didn't matter because he opened it himself.

He sat down on the bed next to where I was wallowing. "Are you doing okay?" He asked me. I shrugged. "Do you want me to go find Finnick?"

I cracked a smile at that. "No, I'm okay."

"I don't think you are, Katniss. You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but I'm willing to listen." He told me, his wide eyes staring at mine. He really was a great brother. I was hesitant to accept him at first, but he definitely made up for our parents being the absolute worst.

"Thank you, Peeta." I said. "I'm just... nervous, I guess."

"Why? You've done this five times before."

"It's not the Games... there's something I have to do after the Games are over... I won't be going home with you on the train. I'm staying behind."

"For how long?"

I shrugged.

Peeta was quiet for a minute. "I'm sorry. I know how much you hate it here."

I snorted. "I'm that bad at hiding it, huh?"

He smiled and stood up. "If you need anything..."

"I'll let you know."

He closed the door behind him and I sighed, shoving my face back into the pillow.

Two hours later, I was awoken from my nap by my prep team giggling around me. They dragged me away and began getting me ready for the ceremonies. Pulling hair out of my skin, tying a million knots in my hair, rubbing some cream into my face... all my favorite parts of the Capitol.

Cinna designed for me a yellow A-line dress that fell around my knees. I stared at it, confused. In the past year or so, since I won my second Games, all of my dresses had been much more grown up, painting me to be much older than I actually was, so that the people of the Capitol would start respecting me as a functioning adult, rather than a silly little girl.

Cinna noticed my confusion. "I know all about your current predicament," He explained softly, so only I could hear. "It's my goal to dress you down, to make the people realize that you're only eighteen. Hopefully they will see you're much too young to just be their plaything, and not as many people will book you."

I hugged him tightly, relief visible on my face. "Thank you,"

"I can't guarantee how well it will work. But I'm doing my best."

I continued to hold onto him tightly until he patted my back. "Let's see about your makeup."

...

After the opening ceremonies, I rushed past the crowd, onto the open floor to see my tributes. I quickly congratulated them both, my eyes scanning the crowd. They finally settled on Finnick, who was also gazing out at the sea of tributes and mentors, searching for someone. I waved at him, trying to catch his attention while Peeta and Haymitch spoke to our tributes. He smiled when he saw me, and said something to Britt, standing next to him, and forced his way over to me. I took his hand in mine.

"Good evening, Girl on Fire." he said to me, lifting my hand to his lips.

"Hello Finnick. How are you holding up?"

He smiled softly. "Better than before. It's hard to do worse, though."

"I'm glad. How's Mags?"

His smile faded. "I guess I should have known she wouldn't recover unscathed. But I had it in my mind that she would get better and be just as she was before."

"What happened?" I sandwiched his hand between both of mine, feeling the warmth sink into my skin.

"She has to use a cane now. And she can't speak."

I felt tears prick at my eyes "At all?" I could only imagine Mags, who had so much good advice to impart to everyone, not able to say anything at all. All of her wisdom kept to herself, her brain not being able to communicate thoughts into words. Just the thought was devastating.

"Her voice is just... slurred. And so quiet. I've gotten to the point where I can understand her, but it's taken me this long."

"Oh," I said.

Johanna came prancing towards us in an atrocious tree dress. "Katniss!" She sang, stopping to stand next to us.

"Hi Johanna," I said.

"Hello Katniss. Finnick."

"Hi Johanna," Finnick flashed his Capitol smile, and I heard one of the nearby District 11 tributes start to giggle. "Are you holding up?"

Johanna shrugged. "Eh. I guess. It's not so bad. I think I'm starting to move on with my life."

I nodded. "Good. You shouldn't ever forget them... but it's okay if you move on a bit.'

Haymitch cleared his throat and I turned away from Johanna to glare at him."What?"

"Time to go." He said. Johanna ran away to her tributes.

I turned to Finnick. "Can you come visit tonight?"

Finnick frowned. "Maybe late. I have meetings to go to."

"With clients?"

"One of them."

"I thought you didn't have to work during the Games."

Finnick shrugged. "I guess Snow is still trying to get back at me for what happened with Mags."

"Oh," I said sadly, disappointed for his sake. "Well if you feel up for it, swing by."

"Of course I will."

We made our way into the elevator. It was just Haymitch, Peeta, Effie and our tributes, as well as the party from District 1.

I smiled at the two District 1 Victors.

"How's life with Trident Boy?" Gloss finally asked. "Is he treating you right?"

Cashmere laughed softly. "I guarantee you that he is. You've seen how protective he gets over her."

I smiled with her. "He's fine. He would never do anything to hurt me."

"Well you know," Gloss said. "If he does, I could talk to him about it. Finnick and I go way back, and I can confront him about any issues you don't feel comfortable talking to him about."

Cashmere rolled her eyes. "Please, Gloss. Diplomacy isn't the answer in a situation like that. Katniss, let me know if there are any problems and I'll castrate him."

"I think Katniss would have already done it herself, should the situation arise." Haymitch said.

The siblings from District 1 laughed and stepped off the elevator at their floor, leaving just our party.

"So you are back with Finnick Odair?" Effie demanded.

I shrugged. "We were only apart for six months."

"And you lied to me about it?" Effie sounded more disappointed than angry. On top of loving to be the local gossip, Effie liked to consider herself one of my closest confidants.

"We didn't tell anyone until recently. Just Prim and Mags." And Peeta, and Caspian, and Britt and all the other Victors, I thought to myself. "President Snow didn't approve of us."

"I'd wager he was just looking out for your poor, broken heart." Effie told me, a gloved hand on my arm, trying to comfort me.

"I'm sure that was it," I responded, a serious look on my face.

At that, Haymitch lost it and had to be escorted off the elevator at our floor.

Skipping dinner, I changed into leggings and a soft sweatshirt and went upstairs to the roof, bringing with me a stack of blankets and pillows, with the intention of building a nest. I settled down into the warm, soft bedding and felt myself drift off to sleep.

I was woken up a few hours later by Finnick joining me. He looked exhausted.

"Hey,"

"Hey," he whispered back, kissing me softly on the forehead.

"Are you okay?" I asked. His hand rubbed my back gently.

"I'm fine," he assured me. "Just tired."

I hummed in response, not believing him, but pulled myself closer to him.

"I missed you," He told me. "God, I missed you so much. The moment you left District 4, I wanted you back."

I kissed his lips, savoring the taste of sugar and salt. "I always miss you."

"You don't have to," He said, kissing me again. "You could marry me."

I stared at him. "What?"

"Marry me." Finnick repeated.

"We can't just... get married." I reasoned, wishing it was that simple.

"Why not?"

"For one thing, we live in separate Districts. Two Districts on opposite sides of the country. Also, we know Snow would never stand for it. We would have to retire, and he wouldn't retire one of us, much less both of us."

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," Finnick argued.

"But he has to know. Or else we wouldn't be able to live together, which defeats your main argument on why we should get married."

"That's not my main argument," he protested. "That's a supporting argument. My main argument is that I'm completely, totally, without a doubt, passionately in love with you."

"That still doesn't help your case," I told him, though I could feel a blush creeping over my cheeks.

"I won't pressure you into marrying me," He said, leaning back against the pillows.

"I would love to marry you one day, Finnick. But it's late, and you're tired, and I don't think you're thinking this through right now."

"I don't need to think it through now, I've thought about it plenty in the past."

Instead of arguing with him, I kissed him again.

"Marry me," He murmured into the kiss.

I pulled away and settled against him. His arms wrapped loosely around me. "No," I whispered into the darkness.