Here's a nice long 5,000 word chapter (as opposed to my usual 1-3 thousand)

*A few hours earlier*

I got out of the hot shower, and reached for a towel, only to come up empty. I forgot to set one aside. Dripping water across the floor, I made my way over to the linen closet in my bathroom. I groaned as I grabbed the last one off the shelf. I would have to let an avox do my laundry soon. It had been a while since I had gone this long without washing my clothes.

Moving the last towel out of the way, I saw the cardboard box I hid there years before, determined to never open again. But at the moment, it seemed like a very welcome alternative to the reality I was facing. Glancing in the mirror, I could see the angry scratch marks up and down my chest and back. There were bruises on my arm, and they hurt to an extreme. I'm not sure what happened to it, but it hurt more than a few bruises should.

I dried off, then pulled the box off the shelf, to look at the contents. There was only a syringe, a ten-ounce bottle of Morphling, and a box of alcohol wipes that I used to keep the syringe clean.

My anxiety was running high, from what I just did, as well as what I was about to do. This would calm my nerves, I knew that from experience.

But I knew I was supposed to find Katniss later. I told her I would do my best to see her later, and although I could easily just not do it, I wanted to see her.

Katniss would see right through me, no matter how good of an actor I was. It was like she could smell the drug on me. When I was sixteen and she convinced me to quit the morphling drip, I didn't quit overnight. She didn't expect me to, but she could always tell when I used it. I don't know how. I was always careful to cover it up for my clients anyway.

I shook my head and rubbed my tired eyes. I closed the box up and put it back on the shelf. I knew I should just throw it out, but I couldn't bring myself to.

I pulled away before I could change my mind and began the painstaking process of applying a salve and concealer to each of my fresh wounds. Then I went back into my room and pulled on a pair of comfortable pants and a shirt, one of my last sets of clothes.

I stepped onto the elevator, and off again a few minutes later on the District 12 floor. I knocked on Haymitch's door, and he let me in. The room was filled with people, for once, instead of bottles.

"Glad to see you dressed up for this fine event," was all he said in greeting. Haymitch, himself, had never changed out of his dress shirt from the parade.

I rolled my eyes, but ignored his comment. I could wear whatever I wanted. This was a meeting among friends in Haymitch's bedroom. No one would care.

"And you're ten minutes late."

I shrugged. "I had a client. I would rather be late to your meeting, instead of Snow's. He already has me on a short leash."

Johanna laughed from her spot on the floor. "So you are his lapdog." No one laughed along with her. "Because he said he was on a short leash. And dogs are..." she glanced around and saw only somber faces. "Whatever." She muttered.

I sat between Cashmere and Britt. Cashmere squeezed my hand. "He's making you take clients during the Games?"

Everyone knew the Games were our vacation time. I shrugged. "He's just mad at me."

Everyone was staring at me, so I just focused my attention on Haymitch, where it was supposed to be, and hoped they would do the same.

Haymitch cleared his throat. "So let's start on that happy note."

I glanced around the room and was impressed by the amount of Victors who had shown up.

"This is our first meeting in about ten years, since the last threat of rebellion died. We now have several new Victors added to our cause. We have Cashmere and Gloss, who are working in District 1, subtly stirring up trouble and spreading rumors of rebellion where they can.

"Johanna is working in District 7, not so subtly stirring up trouble. We're using her as our "back-up Katniss." She's showing the Districts that it's not just Katniss rebelling. She's there too, supporting her. And Finnick, like we already said tonight, is working here in the Capitol, as our spy. He has a certain knack for picking up secrets about our dear president. And of course, he's keeping Katniss in line so she doesn't do anything too rash."

There were a few chuckles at that. Haymitch looked around the room, and continued to give individual job descriptions for each of us. "Did I miss anyone?" For the first time, I noticed Peeta standing in the corner. "Oh right. Peeta, too."

"What's his job?" Johanna asked.

"He's just here for the cause. He cornered me earlier this week and demanded to be in on our meetings."

"He shouldn't be here," I heard myself say.

"And why not?" Haymitch asked.

"He's too close to Katniss. He's her brother. That's dangerous."

"And you're not too close to her?" Peeta challenged. "You're her lover, aren't you? Is that not too close?

"You don't have to make it sound so dirty," I muttered.

"You sleep with her every night!" Haymitch said, exasperated.

"You sleep with her every night?" Peeta demanded

"Next to her," I corrected. "We sleep next to each other. There's a very important distinction that people tend to forget." I sighed. "In any case, I see your point, but I live across the country from her. I never see her except this one month out of twelve. You see her every single day."

"I don't think it does any harm, Odair," Haymitch said firmly. "Unless someone else seconds your concerns."

After a minute of hesitation, Britt raised her hand. "He is really close to Katniss, which is risky. He could slip something by accident, or anything could happen, really. But I think it's too late now. He already knows each of our individual jobs. We should have talked about this before you invited him to our meeting."

"Yeah, that's a big issue," Johanna agreed. "But there's nothing to be done about it now."

Cashmere nodded, and Gloss muttered his affirmation.

I forgot just how much the other Victors cared about Katniss's safety. She had always been like their little sister, and I knew they would kill Peeta if he let anything happen. Even though Katniss held more seniority than Britt or Johanna, they were still older and looked after her.

Haymitch sighed. "Fine. Now that that's settled, there's not much to say. Just hang tight. Wait for Katniss to do something rebellious, and we'll go from there."

I sighed and stood up to leave, disappointed by the news. That meant at least another year of waiting. Another year of letting sociopaths violate me, another year of me feeling like I didn't belong in my body. Like it was someone else's, since they use it all the time anyway. I caught Haymitch staring at me out of the corner of my eye, so I stared back.

He sighed. "She's on the roof, Fishboy. I better not find you there in the morning."

I rolled my eyes at him again, but still took the elevator up to the roof. And there she was, cocooned in a blanket, fast asleep. I smiled at how young she looked, not scowling at anything and everything.

As smoothly and gently as possible, trying (unsuccessfully) not to wake her, I took off my shoes and laid down next to her.

...

*the next morning*

I woke up next to her, the previous night's conversation rushing back to me. I felt a lump in my throat. I swallowed, trying to dispel it. I knew I shouldn't take her refusal personally... She had made her reasoning very clear. It wasn't that she didn't love me, she just didn't think Snow would allow it. It still hurt, though.

I watched her breathe, lying on her side with her knees folded up by her stomach. I brushed a lock of dark hair off of her neck, and let my hand rest there for a second. When I tried to lift it, her own hand caught mine and held it in place. She opened her eyes and gazed into mine. I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I have to leave, love." I whispered. She nodded.

I sat up and she followed me up. Before I could put my shoes back on and leave, she grabbed my face in both her hands and kissed me firmly. I kissed back for a minute. She pulled away, and moved her hands to mine. "I'm sorry,"

"You don't have to be." I told her.

"I love you," She said. "More than I think I've ever loved anyone. But I just..."

"I understand."

"But I want to tell you again. I just feel awful." She looked down.

I lifted her chin. "You shouldn't. You made a reasonable choice."

"I'm sorry," She said again, tears in her eyes.

I didn't respond, but hugged her tightly against me. I kissed her one more time, then stood up. "I have to leave. I'll see you this afternoon."

"Okay," she said quietly. I slipped on my shoes, then rode the elevator down to my floor.

...

I sent my tributes to training, then made my way to the mentor's lounge, in the basement. Katniss was there, and I smiled at her, trying to convey that I really wasn't upset about what happened. And even if I was, which I'm not, I wouldn't be mad at her. I could never be truly mad at her. I had too much of a soft spot for her. I kissed her cheek and sat down. "Hey," I said, concerned when she didn't smile back.

"Hey." Her voice was quiet.

"A word, Odair?" I heard Peeta say from behind me. I sat up straight. If he sounded that aggressive, I knew there was something wrong.

"I'll be back," I told Katniss, and then stood up and followed Peeta into one of the small side rooms.

"What's up?" I asked him when he shut the door.

"What did you do to her?" Peeta demanded. "She's been off all day. She's barely spoken two words together, and her eyes are red, like she's been crying."

I ran a hand over my face.

"Did you fight or something?"

"Not quite. We had a minor disagreement last night, which upset us both, and she thinks I'm mad at her, which I'm not, and I really don't know how to prove that to her."

Peeta sighed. "Good. As long as you didn't hurt her."

"I would never." I told him honestly, maybe a bit offended that he thought I would.

Now that we had solved our miscommunication, I re-entered the room and sat next to Katniss. After a few minutes of silence, I finally spoke. "Do you want to go somewhere else? Do something? I mean, we aren't required to be here. And now that you're a part-time Capitol resident, we can go anywhere."

Katniss looked up at me, hopefully. "Can we?"

"Of course. You don't need any sort of clearance anymore." I stood up, and Katniss stood up with me.

"Where will we go?"

I shrugged. "Does it matter?"

...

After walking through the wild Capitol streets for a few minutes, I finally spoke, breaking our awkward silence. "Are you okay, Katniss? Please tell me honestly."

She shrugged. "I've let myself think way too long about your proposal, I guess."
"You don't need to feel bad, Katniss. I'm disappointed, of course, but you were right. I wasn't thinking clearly. We wouldn't be able to actually get married."

"That's what I've been thinking about," She said. "I've been thinking too much about this, and I've realized just how badly I want to."

I smiled over at her, and put my arm around her shoulders. "One of these days, love. I promise. When I think it's safe, I'll ask you again. But until then, I promise I won't ask you again. I won't put either of us through that kind of false hope again."

...

The Hunger Games were fast. They only lasted ten days, and were won by the boy from District 2, a strong eighteen year old named Atlas. We stood at the train station, and watched most of the mentors leave. Only a few of us were staying behind. Just Katniss and me, but Zahra and Gloss were pretty sure they would be back in a month or two.

Katniss was pretty pale, so I squeezed her hand, intertwined with my own. "You're okay," I said under my breath. "It's gonna be okay."

As the last train pulled away, I led her to a building only a block away from the training center, refusing the car that had been offered to us.

Pulling my key from my pocket, I unlocked my apartment. "Snow said you have an apartment here, too. Across the hall. He said your key was on my table." I turned around to see her still standing outside the door. "You can come in," I told her. "Katniss?" She looked at me and I could see the unshed tears in them. I opened my arms for her, and she fell into them.

"I can't do this," She said into my shoulder, her tears falling freely.

"You can, I promise." I picked up the note on my kitchen table and read it silently. Katniss had her first three appointments the next day. I didn't have any until the day after. "I'll take you to your first appointment, and I'll be here waiting when you get back, I promise." I kissed the top of her head, holding her as close as I could. I led her to the couch, and continued to hold her.

"I remember my first appointment," She said, as her tears slowed down. "It was a wealthy man from District 12. I felt betrayed. This man that I knew my whole life, he..."

I said, "People are disgusting. But we can get through this. We will. Together."

She pulled away after a second longer, and I handed her her key and schedule. She read over it, then looked up at me, her hands shaking. "Three?"

"It's not as bad as it sounds. You don't have any the next day. Sometimes it's better to get them all done at once." I reasoned. She nodded, trying to make sense of my words, but I could tell she was only part way there.

"Do you just want to hang out here today? We can watch some dumb Capitol show and drink hot choclate, if you want."

She shrugged, so I sighed and lead her into the kitchen. I was relieved to see the food had been restocked, since it had been a few weeks since I was here last, and most of it would have expired.

I pulled out a gallon of milk and poured a little into a saucepan, setting it on high. I leaned against the counter and watched it heat up. Katniss stood next to me, and I draped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to me.

When the milk was close to boiling, I took it off the stove and poured it into two mugs, and added the chocolate in.

We walked back to the living room and sat down on one of the couches. After sitting in silence for a few minutes, I turned on the TV and watched our favorite talk show host, Augustia, discuss the latest Games with Caesar Flickerman.

"There's our friend," I muttered. Katniss snorted.

"So District 2 won again this year, with that boy, Atlas. That's their second year in a row, which is a rarity. Caesar, do you remember the last time we had back-to-back Games won by the same District?"

Caesar didn't even have to think about it. "That would have been the 63rd and 64th Hunger Games. Exactly ten years ago. Cashmere and Gloss, those wonderful siblings from District 1. But do we count that year when District 12 had two Victors in the same year?"

"That was the 70th Hunger Games, correct?" Augustia asked.

"Right you are. With another pair of lovely siblings, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark." A picture of the two of them on their Victory Tour flashed onto the screen.

"That was an interesting year for all of us." Augustia said. "We were all rooting for Katniss, and the we found out about her brief romance with Finnick Odair... What a heartbreaking story."

"Heartbreaking," I repeated in a Capitol accent.

"And we got that amazing song from Katniss, followed by her first album." Caesar commented.

"Did you hear the rumor that she's coming out with a second album soon?"

"I'm not..." Katniss said. I laughed.

"And did you see the recent footage of the two Victors who, as they say, are 'just friends'?"

Katniss sighed. "Here it comes."

Augustia gasped. "I haven't!"

"A video surfaced about a week ago, recorded right before the Hunger Games started. We can't make out what's being said, but it certainly is very juicy. Can we- Is there a way we can show it for the people who haven't seen it yet?"

A video played on the screen. It was Katniss and I walking through the crowded streets that day during training. A man came incredibly too close for my liking, so my arm wrapped around her shoulders protectively. Katniss said something, causing me to laugh. After a couple more seconds of us talking quietly, I looked around to make sure no one was watching, then pulled her to the side of the street where I kissed her, using my hand in an attempt to hide both of our faces.

I never would have done any of that if it wasn't okay for people to know about our relationship. Everyone knew we were back to being close friends, but no one knew of our romantic relationship until now. I figured since Katniss was already being sold, there was no harm in people knowing. I had planned that kiss on purpose. With Katniss's knowledge, of course.

"Do you suppose they're back together again?" Augustia asked.

"I think that's all we can assume from the footage. However, I did hear that they're both here, in the Capitol for a little while longer. Maybe we could ask them."

"Ew, no." Katniss said. I grinned and changed the channel.

...

At 1:00 the next day, Katniss and I were in the backseat of a car. She was dressed in a dark purple dress that revealed a bit too much for her comfort. I could tell by the way she sat with her arms crossed around her body, her hands reaching around and covering a bit of the bare skin that her open-backed dress revealed. My hand was on her knee, hoping to remind her that I was still here and I would help her however I could.

The car stopped in front of an apartment. Katniss took a deep breath and I pressed a kiss to her forehead, trying to reassure her. She looked the image of calm, unlike the day before, but I knew she was using purely her willpower to keep from trembling.

"I'll see you this evening. I'll be waiting for you at your apartment."

"You don't have a key."

I shook my head. "I do, actually."

She smiled slightly. "Alright then." She opened the door and stepped out onto the sidewalk and disappeared into the building.

The car took me back to our apartment. I tried to find something productive to do. I started washing the dishes, but got distracted and switched to sweeping, but was distracted once again, and cleaned the bathroom. I couldn't focus. My head was reeling from a thousand thoughts at once. My hands were shaking and when I glanced in the mirror, I saw the sweat glistening on my skin. I needed to calm down. My eyes landed on the closet once again. I knew there was another box in there, similar to the one at the training center. I took it off the top shelf with the full intention of throwing the temptation in the trash, but my hands, treacherous things, opened it instead. They pulled out the syringe without my permission, wiped off the needle with a wipe, and loaded it up with the liquid from the bottle.

I forced my hands to open and drop the needle on the cold tile. I sat on the edge of the tub. I would not. I would not. I would-

Sitting on the tub put me all too close to the needle, and my hands once again betrayed me. They picked up the syringe, and I hesitated for a minute. I checked the time. 2:30. I still had plenty of time before Katniss returned. I wouldn't be nearly as high by the time she got back. Besides, I needed to be there for her. How could I do that if I was a nervous wreck myself?

Finally convinced it was okay, just this once, I took a deep breath and pressed the sharp needle into my skin, and pushed down on the trigger, releasing chemicals into my bloodstream. I exhaled as I removed the needle from my skin. I wiped it off and packed the box up again. Nobody needed to know.

I heard Katniss's door squeak open a few hours later, when I was in her living room. Katniss entered, and I watched as her high heel gave out from under her, landing her in a kneeling position on the floor, which is where she stayed.

I rushed over to where she was crouched, silently sobbing. "Katniss?" She didn't respond. "Katniss, it's me. I'm here." She didn't respond again. I reached out, but stopped myself, remembering how much I hated being touched after a day of nothing but slimy hands on my skin. "Katniss I'm going to touch you now, okay?" I reached out gingerly and placed my hand on her shoulders. She initially pulled away, and stared at me.

"Finnick," She said once she came to terms with reality.

"I'm here," I repeated. She fell against me, her body shaking. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling my own tears starting to well up.

"Ow," she muttered when I held her. "Ow, ow."

"What? What's wrong." I asked her, desperately searching her for injuries.

"I don't know... the one man did something to my hand."

I pulled her upright, trying my best to be gentle. I immediately saw which hand was the problem. In fact, I was surprised I missed it before. It was black and blue and swollen. I felt anger boiling up inside me.

"What-" I stopped myself, took a deep breath. "Which client was it?"

"The last one."

I started counting to myself, trying to calm myself down. Drugs could only go so far. I was certain that if I wasn't cracked up on morphling I would have tracked down her client and beaten him to death.

"Alright. I'll take care of him."

"Don't... don't fight him, Finnick."

I smiled. At least she knew the types of things I would do to someone who hurt her like that. "I won't, I promise. I've learned over the past few years that I don't have to do anything to get back at the bad clients. I just have to tell Snow and he'll take care of them."

"Really?"

I nodded, helping her to her feet, leaving her stupid shoes in the middle of the floor. "He can't have his Victors getting hurt."

"Oh."

"I left some medicinal creams in your bathroom, if you find any cuts or bruises. I'm sure you want to shower, too."

She nodded.

"Let me know if you need help with the salves." My Capitol smirk found its way onto my face. A bad habit I had developed. "Or with... anything else."

"Stop it Finnick," She said seriously.

I winced. "I'm sorry," I said honestly, feeling extremely guilty. I needed to get Capitol Finnick under control. "It's a really bad habit."

"That's okay."

I left her alone in her room to give her time to shower and looked around for something to cook up for dinner.

A few minutes later, She peeked her head out of her bedroom door, her hair wet. "Can you help me?"

"Sure," I said, and followed her back into her bathroom.

She had a towel wrapped around her tightly. "There's a spot on my back..." she turned around, and I saw two large, dark bruises near her shoulder blades.

I reached out and touched them lightly, feeling another wave of anger wash over me. I kept my mouth shut as I worked on rubbing the cream into her skin, because I knew once I said something I wouldn't be able to stop. When I finished, I hugged her tightly from behind, careful to avoid her injured hand.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered in her ear.

"Why-" she swallowed. "Why are people so sick that they think they can do this to us... to anyone? Why would someone rent another living human?"

"I don't know, honey. I really don't know. But the good news is, you should have off for a few days, with that hand of yours." I told her.

She turned a bit in my arms to look at me. "Really?"

"Most likely. Snow can't expect you to work like that. Lucky."

A ghost of a smile touched her lips. "I guess I won't put any cream on it then. Let it heal naturally."

I smiled back at her. "That's what I always do."

...

The next morning, Katniss and I left early and drove to the President's Mansion. Getting out of the car, I put my arm protectively around her shoulders, and flashed a smile at the attendants waiting for us.

"I have a meeting with the President," I told them.

The peacekeeper directly in front of us sighed. "Again? Mr. Odair, these meetings are never on my list."

"Yes, well this one is important." I said, looking him in the eye.

"I can't let you in unless you have a scheduled appointment."

"You let me in all the time, Thomas."

"But I'm putting my foot down with you for once." He said seriously.

"Well what about her?" I turned to Katniss. "Tell him you have a meeting with the President."

"I have a meeting with the President."

"So you see? Besides, Snow always agrees to see me anyway, doesn't he? You Capitolites just can't get enough of my pretty face, I guess." I grinned.

"I'm from DIstrict 2," Thomas argued weakly.

"Great. We'll be seeing ourselves in." I said, waving our driver off. This time, Thomas let us pass.

"How often do you visit Snow without a scheduled appointment?" Katniss whispered.

"Every time something goes awry with an appointment. So like once a month. Thomas always guards the front gate. He's the closest thing to a friend in the Capitol." I explained quietly.

The secretary at the front desk was talking on the phone, but when she saw who we were, she buzzed us in.

"That was easy," Katniss said.

"She thinks I'm pretty." I told her, in way of explanation.

I knocked twice on the door to Snow's office.

"Come in," I heard him say. I opened the door and he was sitting there, a cup of tea in front of him. "Ah. Mr. Odair, Miss Everdeen. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

I pushed Katniss forward lightly, my hand on the small of her back. She lifted her arm for him to see. "One of your clients," she said, emphasizing your, "broke my hand."

"And you are requesting time off, I suppose? Mr. Odair, didn't you tell your colleague that we have time off forms, and I had several paper copies delivered to your apartments?"

"I did, sir. I also told her that somehow your secretary always manages to accidentally drop mine in the paper shredder, so it's better to see you in person."

President Snow took a sip of his tea. "Yes, she's a very pleasant woman, is she not?"

"She is," I agreed.

"I don't see you selling her off to the highest bidder," Katniss muttered. We both stared at her in shock.

"Miss Everdeen, I would recommend you keep those unpleasant thoughts to yourself."

Katniss seemed to consider. I realized the only person she had left who Snow could hurt was Prim. All her friends were Victors. We were off limits.

I cleared my throat. "Anyway, I just think that maybe she shouldn't have to fulfill her occupational obligations until further notice."

Snow dismissed us soon after we came to an agreement. She would be able to stay at the apartment until her hand healed, which could be any amount of time. He recommended we go see a doctor about it, but I assured him I had lots of experience setting broken bones. It would be no issue at all. He still wasn't convinced, he let us leave after that.

As we arrived at the apartment, I kissed her temple. "See? That wasn't so hard."

"If it's that easy, why don't you just injure yourself on purpose? It's better than the alternative, isn't it?" She asked. I took her hand in mine as we stepped into the elevator.

"I used to," I told her seriously. "Up until the past year or so."

"Why did you stop?" She asked me.

I sighed. There were a few different reasons for that. "It's self-harm, which is something I've struggled with in the past. I didn't want to hurt myself as self harm as we know it, I just wanted to keep myself away from taking clients. But it turned into something else."

Katniss stared at me. "Finnick... Where is this coming from? You've never really mentioned your suicidal tendancies before, but all of the sudden..."

I kissed her non-injured hand. "They've always been there. I just never told you about them, because I knew you would tell me to stop, like you did with the morphling, and I was using it as an outlet. I didn't want to lose that outlet."

"I'm just trying to help you, Finnick. I have outlets, too."

"Everyone does."

"I used to be an alcoholic," She said.

I stared at her, confused. "When? You're so young... Who gave you alcohol?"

She shrugged. "Haymitch gave me some, the rest I bought saying it was for him and everyone believed me."

"When was this?" I asked, stepping out of the elevator with her.

She stopped in the middle of the living room and looked at me. "I was fourteen when it started."

I gaped. "Fourteen? You were a child! You shouldn't have even drunk normal portions."

She shrugged. "I did, though. I stopped not long after. Prim found out and cried for weeks and weeks about it, until I stopped."

"Have you relapsed?" I asked her. At nineteen years old, she was still too young and shouldn't be drinking too much.

"Once."

"When was that?" I asked her.

Katniss touched my face, trying to reassure me, which told me everything I needed to know. "The year you broke up with me."