III. I Now Understand Forgiveness

Kurapika doesn't believe in many things. He doesn't believe that ghosts exist or that the soul of a person becomes haunted enough to kill somebody. He doesn't believe in happy endings and he most specially doesn't believe in love.

He grew up in an orphanage and at a young age he understood that no one can love him. He feels it in the stare that the staff gave him when he was there, it was a stare of pity. Pity for the boy that no one wants to adopt. Most parents take one look at his eyes and hesitates if they truly want to adopt him. He doesn't count how many foster homes he has gone to, all the hopes that he has, hoping that one day someone would want him. But in the end they all end up with him having to stare at the ceiling back in the orphanage after he was dumped back again. He stopped feeling hope and started turning down adoption trials at the age of twelve.

His eyes were also not the only thing weird about him. He remembers who he was before his past two lives. He remembers the hatred and guilt at the first one for a man that has jet black hair and a cross tattoo on his forehead and he remembers the feeling of forgiveness to that same one in his second life. He knows the face of that man, however he doesn't remember his name. Only the feelings and thoughts that he had stays intact onto his mind. His dreams always end with him saying something along the lines of 'May we never meet in another life-' and then it gets cut off when he's about to say the man's name. He knows that what he said wasn't true because technically he did meet the same man in his second life, and he forgave him in it too. So yeah, Kurapika doesn't believe in many things but he does believe in reincarnations.

At the age of sixteen he had moved out of the orphanage. Of course he had been grateful to the staff and nuns in the orphanage for taking care of him and he never fails to visit and give donations to them every Christmas. After moving out, the first thing that he did was to find himself a job at the diner downtown. The very first thing that he bought with his paycheck is a pair of blue contact lenses, after that he starts saving money in order to go to school. He knows that if he wants to get a higher salary he needs education for it. By the time he had saved up enough he had enrolled himself into a local highschool. They have homeschooled him back in the orphanage and upon taking the entrance examinations did the school approve of his registration. There he had realized that he had been gifted in terms of studying. He easily passes all his classes and doesn't have a hard time understanding their lessons, this method continued on until he turned twenty-one and he had been accepted into Yorkshin University. One of the most elite schools in the country. He managed to secure his standing there without having to spend an insane amount of money on tuition fees due to him having a scholarship grant. There he pursued psychology and he was currently in his second year.

"Hey Kurapika, you listening?" Bisky is a young girl that he had met back on his first year orienteering at Yorkshin University. The girl 'accidentally' bumped into him when he was on his way out of the campus. Later on she confessed that she finds him attractive that's why she hoped that maybe she could have a chance at him thus leading to the bumping incident. Unfortunately, Kurapika doesn't feel the same and he flat out said that to her but instead of being discouraged Bisky befriended him and then the rest was history. She is also a student at the art department Kurapika thinks that being an art student suited her, considering her 'obsession' towards chiseled males.

"I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?"

"Tsk. Tsk. Have you been working yourself too hard again? You know, the amount of time that you zone us out has been increasing lately. Are you okay?"

Leorio is an obnoxiously loud guy and has a foul mouth. Given his attitude it would be impossible to imagine the guy being a doctor . He however expected it from him. He knows that meeting these two is not a coincidence as he has already met them back in his first life. However, that was quite weird to say that's why he kept his mouth shut.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking about what to write in my essay, it's due tomorrow. But you don't have to worry about me. After this essay is done I won't have any work for a while because the professors would be busy with the seniors and they decided that we sophomores can have a breather." Kurapika scrunched his nose, the idea of having so much free time doesn't quite sit well with him. Oh well, he guess he can always spend it in the library reading.

"That's what I've been meaning to ask you. I know that you would have some extra time in your schedule and I was hoping if maybe you could help me out?" Bisky started looking at him with those big teary eyes of hers.

"Depends on what you need my help for." Kurapika stated nonchalantly.

"Do you remember Machi?"

"The girl that modeled in your class last prelims and is in the fashion department? She had also helped you find a replacement for your last midterm project since she wasn't available due to her class having a big runway show." Leorio supplied for him.

"Bingo. And now it's my turn to return the favor to her." Kurapika remembered that. Bisky was panicking and ranting to both of them about what she should do since her model bailed out on her at the last second. They both can't be her model since they were males and the project had been clear on it being a female portrait (although Kurapika can pass on as one considering his uhm feminine exterior). It was there luck that Machi was not so heartless and decided to find herself a replacement, in the form of her girlfriend, Pakunoda (Leorio sulked about pretty girls being attracted to other pretty girls for a week). He had met Machi one time when she decided to inform Bisky of that information. The three of them were in the cafeteria eating their lunch when she approached them. At first glance the pink-haired girl came off as quite sharp and perceptive, but she was also polite and exchanged pleasantries with him and Leorio. Machi is also one of his enemies in his memories. He hadn't had the chance to talk to her in his first life, given their history, so he was kind of glad when she wasn't the same as then.

"And, you need me because?"

"Well Pakunoda and Machi have this friend who is a senior of mine and he has to make this portfolio if he wants to graduate. According to Machi, their friends' final task is to create a portrait of a person that can defy gender boundaries, and both Machi and Pakunoda thought of you when he said that that was the criteria of his work. Machi knows that you're my friend since she obviously sees us eating together so she told her friend that she might know someone and she will ask their friend -me- if you can be his model." By the end of her statement, Bisky already had her hand clasped together, an act of begging her to agree.

"Why does it have to be me? There's many people on campus that have more gender-defying features." His left eye twitched when he heard that criteria, he doesn't know if that was an insult or a compliment to his looks.

"Well yeah, but apparently Kuroro-san isn't the friendliest of people (just like you) and his deadline is soon. That's why he doesn't have enough time to find a model and draw them. So, please - " clasping her hands once again in an exaggerated manner,

"Please agree. I promise to owe you lunch for one week if you agree to this."

Kurapika sighed and reluctantly agreed with Bisky. The girl hugged her tightly as thanks for agreeing and then dash out from her seat and waved goodbye to them, remembering that she has a class in ten minutes.

Kurapika sighed more solemnly this time when it's just the two of them.

"Well look at the bright side, at least it's not a nude portrait right?" Leorio tried to ease his worry.

He finally submitted his essay and he's now on his way to meet Kuroro-san, who he's supposed to model for.

'Room 405.'

It's his first time going to the art department. Most of the time he's just in the library or inside the classroom, reading.

Upon finding the room he saw a black haired man who has his back turned into him, he's assuming that that's Kuroro-san. What he wasn't expecting is that Kuroro- san was the same man in his memories. When he turned around to meet Kurapika's eyes, there was no longer the blank look that he used to give him in their last life. Instead, it was replaced with slightly widened eyes and a gentle smile on his lips.

"Hi. You must be Bisky's friend that Machi and Paku mentioned." He slightly held his hand out for Kurapika to shake but instead the blonde flinched at the action. Kuroro noticed this and decided to withdraw his hand.

"Oh sorry."

"No, I- uh I'm the one who's sorry. You just -uhm startled me that's all." The blonde supplied lamely, while toying with his earring (a habit when he's nervous).

He's surprised that he doesn't feel hate and anger towards this man anymore, but then again it wouldn't be fair to feel that since this man clearly has not met Kurapika and he certainly haven't done anything wrong to him in this lifetime.

Kuroro just smiled at him.

"Well, I want to thank you again for agreeing. I heard that psychology sophomores supposedly have their break today, sorry that I have to take that away from you."

"It's no problem. I usually just spend my time reading anyways and my friends nag me to socialize more, so I guess this situation is a win-win."

They start their work after that. Kuroro asked him to pose in any way that he wanted and he reassured him that anything he does would be alright as he is beautiful to draw.

Kurapika blushed at that but he decided to brush it off. While Kuroro draws him, he realizes that maybe this is his chance to get to know the man. After all, that's the regret he had in his second life.

They decided to start every eight in the morning, which was a bummer for Kurapika since he was not a morning person and he deemed that eight am is far too early for his break. Unfortunately, they have to start early in order for Kuroro to make it to his deadline. The black-haired man had already wasted time waiting for a model and now the deadline's biting him in the ass for it. Every session that they have Kuroro would always bring him black coffee and a bagel as compensation for the early hours.

True to his words, Kurapika did get to know Kuroro. He learned that unlike him, Kuroro was gifted with a loving family in this lifetime. At first he was bitter of this, thinking that he didn't deserve that for what he had done to him in the past but that thought soon dissolved when he remembered that Kuroro was also an orphan in his second life. Maybe he does need to know the warmth of a family in order for him to feel their importance.

He learns that Kuroro volunteers at the orphanage at the church in his free time and that he is fond of two kids there, named Feitan and Phinks. He learns that he had lost his best friend Shalnark at the age of twelve. He learns that despite the grieve that he had felt from that incident, he still choose to be a good person because he knows that Shal wouldn't be happy if ever he drowned himself in his misery and bitterness. However, his friends' passing is also the reason why he's not so friendly to other people. Kuroro decided to not increase the people he attached himself to, but instead cherish those he's already built a connection with.

On the other hand, Kuroro learns that Kurapika is an orphan. He learns that Kurapika doesn't have anyone at home waiting for him everytime he goes home. He learns that Bisky and Leorio are the only ones that truly cared for him and did not show him pity due to his upbringing. He learns that he still donates to the orphanage that he once lived in every Christmas. He learns that the parents at the adoption center didn't adopt him due to the nature of his eyes. That they feel like it's demonic and could eat them alive. He learns that those said eyes have taken his breath away when Kurapika first removed his contacts in one of their sessions.

In the week and a half that they have spent their time together they both got to know each other. Kurapika feels the constricting feeling in his chest subdue whenever he hangs out with Kuroro. He long since forgiven the black-haired man from what he had done in his first life.

On their last session Kuroro asked him out on a date.

Kurapika knows that he feels something for Kuroro now and he plans to tell it to him tonight, their past be damned.

These past days that he had spent with Kuroro, he now understands the Chrollo in his past life a little bit. Due to his situation now he now knew that the feeling of being alone and being deprived of society can be overbearing and would make you want to hate the world (hell he felt that when no one in the adoption center wanted him). He knows that he still fully doesn't understand Chrollo (from the past) but he thinks that dwelling in the past wouldn't do him any good now in the present. And understanding what he felt from that lifetime, even just for a little bit was enough (he thinks that's so much better when he was just feeling hatred towards the guy)

They were on their way back from their third date. They ate at a pizza place downtown and since it was quite far, the older man offered to drive them there. They were currently unmoving in the middle of the road and waiting for the traffic light to turn green. Kurapika contemplates whether to say it to him now or later when they arrive at his apartment. Little did he know that Kuroro was also having the same problem.

'I want to tell him I love him.'

When the light turned green and they were turning right at the intersection a bright light suddenly engulfed both of their visions. The last thing Kuroro sees is Kurapika's head oozing with blood and one of the metal pipes that the cargo truck had been carrying had struck the right side of the blonde's chest. The golden hair that he had come to love so much had been soaked into blood and the younger man's face also had cuts in his cheeks. He feels like this has happened before and in an instant he remembers everything that has happened in his past life. His inability to feel regret in his first life for what he had done to Kurapika and the way he had repented for what he did in his second life.

There's tears in his eyes when he reached for the blonde's shattered hand. Upon reaching it he squeezed it with all the strength that he could muster and he felt Kurapika soothe his thumb across his knuckles.

This time they are also looking at each other in the eyes, but instead of the hatred and blankness they saw in the others' eyes in their previous life they finally understand everything.

Kuroro's gaze towards him conveyed

'They now mean something to me'

Kurapika's gaze towards him conveyed

'I now understand and forgive you'

They can now finally name the feeling that they felt when they saw the other die in all of their previous lives. Hand in hand they both took their last breath with one unsaid phrase into their minds.

'May we meet again in our next life.'

.

.

.

On Kuroro's room sits a portrait of a young man that has feminine features. The man has golden blonde hair and eyes that shines like rubies. The man had a finger in his hair, attempting to tuck it into the back of his ear. Due to the movement, there's a slight peek of a red earring underneath the locks of gold, which matches the man's eyes. The expression of the man was soft and gentle and the way he smiles at the portrait was small but nonetheless the whole picture can only be described as breathtaking.