"Are you absolutely sure there's nothing else you want to talk about, Techno?"
The psychologist squints at him, almost as if she's hoping that his face will give him away. Sucks to be her then. Techno shrugs apathetically and slouches back in the overly plush chair. This room always gets on his nerves a little. Three of the walls are painted a pastel green color while the remaining one is bright blue. They're also covered in shelves that have stuffed animals on them, and there are some toys scattered around the floor's playmat. On the low table between them lies a chart with drawn-on emotes, ranging from a smiley face to an angry red one that has steam coming out of its ears and one crying its little eyes out. The psychologist uses it for kids who can't name their emotions properly yet.
Techno has been coming here since he was four years old.
But he's not a little kid anymore. So the fake kindergarten vibes just make him uncomfortable now. In a few weeks, he'll turn twelve and he'll be able to upgrade to a normal treatment room. Still with the same psychologist who specializes in children and teenagers, but she won't be trying as hard anymore to convince him that coming to these sessions is a fun little treat for him to enjoy.
They're just mandatory sessions he has to put up with because he's a foster kid.
"Nothing at all?" the psychologist presses gently, tapping her pen against a clipboard. "You know you can tell me anything, it won't leave this room." Her glasses are dangling around her neck from a chord that has colorful beads on it too. The slight smile meant to reassure him makes Techno feel vaguely pinned down, like a butterfly in a glass case being studied.
He shakes his head, using his fingernail to pick at a loose thread on the chair's cushioning.
These sessions are so exhausting to him. Techno doesn't like talking to psychologists. He supposes not a lot of people do, maybe. He's fine as long as he only has to answer her questions, but then when she starts to prod and pry at him, hoping he'll say something for her to pick apart… It makes his skin itch.
After a few more minutes of silence pass - silence during which Techno studies the wall and the drawings hung up on it - she sighs and sits back.
"Well, I'm glad it seems you are settling in pretty nicely at the Craft's home. I know you were a bit apprehensive about the younger boys."
"I don't mind them," Techno says quickly, maybe a little too quickly. Because she pauses before writing something down.
"That's good," she says evenly. "Do you think they like you?"
Techno shrinks back into the chair, realizing he's opened another can of worms. Now she's going to interrogate him about this.
"I guess," he answers with another shrug. If she wants to know what Wilbur and Tommy think about him, shouldn't she be asking them? "They're nice to me."
The psychologist offers Techno a sincere smile. "I'm glad," she says, jotting down more on his file. Techno would give anything in the world to read it, but he won't have proper access to all his medical files until he's eighteen and apparently, this counts as a medical file. A little bit rude, honestly. If it's about him, Techno feels he deserves to know.
He goes back to looking at the wall, shifting in his seat. One of the drawings hung up there is from his first visit. There's a car crudely drawn by childish, shaking hands. Techno recognizes himself in the backseat, though it's hard to make out the two stick figures up front who are supposed to represent his parents. Red pools around them. Techno cringes and looks away.
Suddenly the psychologist clears her throat. "Look, Techno, you're old enough now to get a say in these sorts of things. Where you're staying, who your guardians are. I know you haven't had the easiest time…"
Techno almost laughs in her face. She always tiptoes around the fact that over the seven years he has spent in the foster system, he managed to screw up eight placements and stayed at two different group homes short term. Now every time a new family takes him in, it's like a timebomb waiting to explode. They both know it.
She continues, "So it's important to me that you're happy where you are. You never had foster siblings before, I just want to make sure you're adjusting. Going from being an only child to sharing your parents can be hard. Especially when you're the oldest. You might feel responsible for them in some way, or-"
"They're fine," Techno says firmly. "Can I go now?" He eyes the clock deliberately. Their session ended five minutes ago. Thin-lipped and a little annoyed, she nods. Techno shoots from his chair and into the hallway.
Phil is sitting on a plastic chair in the waiting area, flicking through a magazine. Techno watches him read a recipe for chicken quesadilla with an almost reverent amount of interest. Or maybe Phil is just trying very hard to make it seem like taking your foster kid to a psychologist's office every other week and having to wait an hour for them to finish their sessions is normal and not a huge inconvenience.
"Done with the cross-interrogation," Techno says, "We can head home."
Phil doesn't get up right away. Techno has to restrain himself from grabbing the man's wrist and bodily dragging him out to the car, because he's sick of being here a minute longer.
"How was your chat?" Phil asks with a smile. Then he looks around, sees the waiting area is empty aside from the two of them, and rips the recipe out of the magazine, folding it so he can put it in his pocket.
"It was okay," Techno tells him. Because it was.
"Do you mind if we swing by the grocery store on our way home?" Phil finally gets up but he's still picking up his jacket when the psychologist enters the hallway. She approaches them with quick strides.
"Mister Craft, can I borrow a moment of your time?"
Phil hesitates, though obviously he's not going to refuse. "Yeah, of course."
"Do you mind stepping into my office?" She gestures her arm toward the room in question. "Techno can wait out here."
Techno hates that Phil makes eye contact with him first, almost as if asking for permission. So he makes it a point to look away. What does it matter how Techno feels about it, adults will do what they want anyway. He sits on the chair Phil was using as they go inside, almost literally switching places with him.
Maybe when he gets home he should start packing his bags.
Techno shakes his head. He's getting ahead of himself and he knows it. It just sucks that when he tries to run through possible things his psychologist might want to discuss with Phil, none of them are very good. Usually, his foster parents are only asked in to speak with her when they've made an appointment, to discuss a concern of theirs or because his social worker requested it. This feels much too improvised. Like she just decided she wanted to talk to Phil because Techno did or said something during his session today. And he doesn't know what. And he can't read the file. And-
Techno slams his hand down on his leg a few times to calm himself down.
Things will be fine. Every previous foster placement he's had aside from the group homes ended up with him getting kicked out within the year. And things usually started to go sour long before that. Techno never had a family like this, who actually care and try to understand him and put in the effort. They don't chide him for his weird stimming or his anxiety, and they don't think he's a burden. They wouldn't send him away for no reason. Kristin and Phil wouldn't do that to him. They wouldn't just discard him over something stupid. He has to believe that. He has to.
"Techno?"
Phil's voice physically makes him jolt and Techno inhales a sharp breath that hurts his lungs. He stands up. "Yeah?"
"We're all sorted. Do you have your things?" Phil asks. He's still smiling at Techno, same as before.
Techno grabs his backpack from the ground and hurries over. "You said something about the store?"
"Let's just head straight home," Phil says. "It'll be nice for you to get some time to yourself, and relax, right?"
A pang of worry stabs into Techno's gut. He starts to follow Phil out to the car. It's stupid, most likely not anything bad. Maybe Kristin went out to get the stuff Phil wanted. Or they didn't need anything from the store after all. Or whatever they need can wait until tomorrow.
The sudden change of plans makes Techno's brain feel all tight and unsteady though.
Steve is lying in the passenger seat. Techno basically always takes the polar bear plush with him when he goes anywhere by car. Clutching the soft white fur calms him, and it's a nice distraction from the vehicles moving around them. Techno couldn't even get in a car without having a panic attack when he was little, but he's a big boy now so he has learned to suck it up. His other foster parents hated it when he made a big deal out of driving. Kristin is the one who noticed how on edge it made Techno, and who got him Steve to help with the anxiety.
"What did she want to talk about?" Techno dares to ask when Phil is buckling himself in. He probably shouldn't, but he's worried. And Phil is usually pretty upfront.
Except this time, when he simply adjusts the rearview mirror and puts the car into gear. "Nothing important. Boring adult stuff, basically."
Techno pulls Steve closer to his chest, hiding the bottom half of his face in the plushie's soft fur so Phil won't see his frown.
The drive home feels like it takes forever today.
Kristin does the laundry on Sundays.
Techno gets up early, brushing his hair like he always does first thing in the morning otherwise it will get all knotted and messy. It's down to his collarbones now. He wants it a little longer still, and he'd have gotten there already if it weren't for some of his previous foster parents forcing him to cut it shorter. But Phil and Kristin don't mind, so long as Techno keeps it tidy. He quickly braids it and then goes downstairs.
"Oh, good morning Techno," Phil greets him when he enters the kitchen, already busy at the stove. "You're up early."
Techno hums, skipping past Phil and into the little washroom that's connected to the kitchen. There's a door that leads to the garden back there, and a lot of shelf space that Phil uses as a pantry to store food. Techno picks up one of the empty laundry baskets standing near the drying rack.
"Most kids tend to sleep in on the weekends," Phil tells him when he leaves the washroom again. He sounds more amused than anything.
"Skill issue," Techno says flatly, making Phil laugh.
"Breakfast won't be ready for a little bit though, so if you want to watch TV or something, you can."
Techno shakes his head, holding up the empty laundry basket. "I'm getting the laundry."
"Really? You know I can just do it later," Phil says, half-turning towards him. "Do you have anything specific you need to have washed for school?"
"Nah, just thought I'd help." Phil throws him a glance, but Techno hurries back out of the kitchen and up the stairs before he can say anything.
Techno is pretty used to having chores. He had chores in basically every other foster family he ever stayed with. And not doing his chores was often a one-way ticket to losing his placement sooner rather than later. Phil and Kristin didn't give him chores. Techno thought it might be because he was new to the house and didn't know where anything was. But it turns out Wilbur and Tommy don't have any chores either. They're younger than him though, little kids. And Techno is the oldest. So it makes sense for him to help out where they can't.
He wants to help out, because he wants to be useful for Phil and Kristin.
First, he goes into his own room. Most of their laundry is in a separate basket in the bathroom that Techno can carry down later, but during one of his first days in the house, he watched Kristin collect all the other dirty clothes that end up lying scattered, forgotten in the bedrooms. Techno picks up a sweater he left draped over his chair and pulls the sheets off his bed since he hasn't changed them in a while. Then he sneaks into Wilbur's room and gathers up some clothes he finds there. Techno is very good at walking quietly, so he doesn't wake the younger boy up. Tommy's room is next. He doesn't really have many clothes around, Phil or Kristin still help him change. A single blue left sock lies forgotten on the floor. Techno bends over to put it in his basket, peering around to see if he can spot the other one in the matching pair. It's nowhere to be seen, not even under the bed.
Techno walks over to Tommy, the six-year-old is sleeping soundly with his face smooched into the pillow and a cow plushie clutched to his chest. Tommy is a very heavy sleeper so Techno isn't worried about waking him up by accident. He lifts the edge of the blanket, but Tommy is wearing two matching red socks. Weird.
That will be a mystery for another day.
The master bedroom is last. Techno tries to be careful, tiptoeing around to pick up the few remaining clothes. Kristin is on her side facing away from him, her slow, rhythmic breathing the only thing that breaks the silence. The room is dimly lit because the curtains are drawn, and Techno stops at the dresser.
A collection of trinkets and jewelry is sitting on top of it, earrings and necklaces and a few bottles of nail polish. And between the mayhem, Kristin has left several picture frames. There is one that has Phil and her on their wedding day. One was taken in the hospital when Wilbur was born. One where they're signing the adoption papers for Tommy, the toddler bouncing in Phil's lap while Kristin holds the pen and Wilbur is standing beside her.
Then there is a picture taken at the zoo, the week after Techno came to live with them.
Looking at it kind of makes a tight, uncomfortable tension rise in his chest. Techno hadn't been very happy about the new placement, since he was staying in the group home for a while before that. Group homes are easy. They can't really kick you out unless you do something super bad like hurt another kid or try to run away multiple times. They have neat schedules for you to follow while you live there. The caretakers are often too swamped to really pay attention to each child individually, and Techno liked that he could fly under the radar. He wouldn't have minded staying there longer.
But his psychologist said a group home would be bad for him in the long run. Techno doesn't know why she thought that, but she did. And they try to find placements for the younger kids anyway, group homes are meant to be short-term or for older kids aging out of the system soon.
Suffice it to say Techno wasn't exactly happy about being shipped to the Craft family.
The picture reflects this. Phil and Kristin are standing close together, Phil's arm wrapped around Kristin's waist in an affectionate gesture that seems more instinct than reason. Tommy is sitting on his shoulders and he has his hand on Wilbur's back, the child standing in front of his parents. They look happy. They look like a family.
And then there's Techno, arms crossed and face devoid of any emotion, kind of awkwardly in the corner as far away as he can manage without being completely out of frame.
There are other pictures they've taken with him since then that Techno likes more. Phil has one on his desk downstairs and there are a few on display in the living room and kitchen. The background of Kristin's phone is a picture they took on Wilbur's last birthday when they went to an arcade. But for some reason, they kept this one up on the dresser. Maybe since it's meant to celebrate firsts, and that trip to the zoo was their first outing with the five of them.
Techno hates seeing it because it reminds him of how grumpy he was back then. He wishes he could go back in time and tell his past self he should be more grateful, that the Craft family is the best thing that ever happened to him.
"Techno?" Kristin sleepily calls from the bed. When Techno turns around she's sitting up, arms stretched above her head and yawning. "What are you doing?"
"Collecting the laundry," Techno says, showing her the basket. "Sorry for waking you." He doesn't think it was him that woke her up, but he says it anyway.
"No, I should be getting up." Even as she says it, Kristin burrows under the blankets a bit more, resting against the pillows propped up beneath her. Techno picks up one of Phil's shirts from the floor and drops it in the basket. Kristin tilts her head and smiles at him. "Phil didn't put you to work this early, did he?"
"He's making breakfast. I wanted to help out," Techno answers.
Kristin scrutinizes him for a moment, thinking. Techno doesn't know what's going on in her mind, distracting himself by picking up another sock. Not a matching blue one. Pity.
"You're going to give me false expectations," Kristin says lightly. "Tommy and Wilbur would never help out without us forcing them."
Techno chuckles. "They're too young for chores anyway," he says, not mentioning that he had been doing chores when he was Tommy's age, when he was with a different family.
He hears the sheets rustle as Kristin sits up properly. "There's some more laundry over here on the bed you should get," she says, beckoning him over.
Confused, Techno puts the basket down and walks to her side. "Where?"
Big mistake. As soon as he's close enough, Kristin grabs his wrist and tugs him onto the bed too, rolling over to pull him to her chest. She giggles as Techno squirms to get free, fruitlessly trying to escape her cuddles.
"Oh, what a shame. I suppose I can't get out of bed now, I'm much too busy spending time with my favorite son. Phil will just have to make breakfast all by himself." He laughs at her antics, scrunching up his face when she strokes his hair fondly and messes up his braid. Kristin calling him her son makes his heart skip a beat, despite her doing that pretty often. "You'll be my alibi, won't you, Techno?"
"This is kidnapping," Techno tells her sternly, barely suppressing his own giggle.
Kristin's long curls fall into his eyes. He brushes them away. She smells nice, vaguely flowery. It always reminds Techno of his mother, though he's never felt brave enough to tell her that.
"If it was kidnapping I would whisk you away to a secondary location," Kristin says. "Though I suppose we could do that. I need to go to the garden center later, if you want to come with me?"
Techno wiggles until she loosens her hold enough for him to look up at her. "I can help you work in the garden too?"
She blinks, dark blue eyes studying him. For a moment, he thinks he almost sees sadness there, or worry. Something like that. He doesn't know why. Techno likes helping. He likes being useful.
"Sure," she says, pinching his cheek softly. "You can pick the colors of the roses, I want to redo the flower beds." He nods at that. Picking colors is fun.
Techno starts to squirm then. When he first arrived at this place, Techno couldn't stand any form of physical contact without it making him want to peel his skin off. Every time they touched him - braided his hair for him, hugged him, held his hand in crowded places - it made Techno feel as if his nerves were on fire. Not even in a bad way, sometimes it was strangely in a nice way. He just wasn't used to it. He's a lot better about it now, but only for short periods of time. Kristin lets go of him immediately, allowing Techno to roll off the bed.
"Tell Phil I'll be down in a minute, yeah?" Kristin says as she throws off the sheets and gets upright, yawning again. She really isn't a morning person.
Techno picks up his basket. "Yeah!"
After dropping it off in the washroom, he helps Phil in the kitchen before the others come down. Since it's Sunday, Phil makes them something special. Bacon and eggs for himself and Kristin, and then pancakes for Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy. He makes three for each of them, though Techno ends up giving one of his to Tommy when the boy asks for it. Phil says he doesn't have to, but Techno does so anyway. Tommy is the youngest, so it makes sense.
During the afternoon, he does end up going with Kristin to the garden center and then helping her out with the flowers. Phil brings them lemonade that they drink in the shade of the oak tree outside. Techno thinks it's a bit too sour for his tastes, and Kristin laughs at the silly face he makes because of it. When they go back inside, Wilbur is working on some of his math homework. Techno pulls out a chair to help him with the hard parts.
At one point, he feels eyes on him. And when he glances back, Phil is watching him from the doorway. When he notices Techno looking, he quickly puts a smile on his face. But Techno could swear that for a brief moment, there was a different expression he didn't quite catch. Like Kristin that morning. He ignores it, concentrating on being a good older brother to Wilbur.
At night, it keeps him turning over in his bed for hours before he manages to fall asleep.
When they walk home from school, Techno always puts Tommy to the right of him, and then Wilbur to the right of Tommy. That way, Techno is the closest to the street. There aren't a ton of cars in the neighborhood around their house. It's a quiet suburb, all picket-fence lawns and brightly colored garage doors. When his social worker first dropped him off, Techno thought she'd made a mistake. Techno didn't think he belonged in a nice family, from a nice place. Those sorts of foster parents are rarely interested in somebody with Techno's history.
Techno likes it though. When he feels overwhelmed or needs fresh air, Phil and Kristin don't mind it if he just goes outside with his headphones and wanders around a bit. As long as he tells them beforehand, brings his phone, and doesn't stay gone for over an hour.
"You can't bring a person to show and tell, Tommy," Wilbur says, tone a little annoyed.
"Why not?" Tommy asks sincerely. "I can show Techno to them. And I can tell them about Techno too!" The young child falters every few steps, hopping over any crack or unevenness in the pavement. When he does this, his arms swing back and forth, yanking on his brothers since both Techno and Wilbur are holding one of his hands.
Wilbur seems incredibly perturbed at this. "Techno doesn't even go to the same school as us."
"That's why he'd be a novelty," Tommy points out. "Supply and demand."
"That's not what supply and demand is," Techno says. "Just pick something else. Preferably not a person."
"Booooooooooooo," Tommy drags the word out, to make sure they know exactly what he thinks about the suggestion. "At least help me catch some bugs then. I could bring those."
"Gross," Wilbur scowls. Techno stifles a laugh.
"Didn't you bring a jar of sand to your first-grade show and tell?"
"How do you know about that? You weren't even living with us yet?" Wilbur asks, letting go of Tommy's hand so he can skip ahead and turn on Techno. Techno catches Wilbur's wrist in his free hand, pulling him to his side again. It would be pretty typical if Wilbur ran under the sole car that drives through this street in an entire afternoon. Techno wouldn't put it past him.
"Phil told me," he says.
"Dad is a fucking narc," Wilbur mumbles. There is so much fury in those words Techno does laugh.
"I'll help you catch bugs, Tommy," he promises. It's not exactly what Techno would have wanted to spend his evening on, but he has committed to helping Tommy anyway. Both Tommy's and Wilbur's grades have gone up since Techno moved in. Kristin sounded so happy about it too. Techno doesn't want to disappoint her.
"Race you to the door!" Tommy yells when they get to the corner of their street, tearing loose from Techno's grip and taking off at a breakneck speed. Techno could probably chase him - heck, he could probably win if he really wanted to - but he kinda doesn't. He watches Wilbur do so instead, easily overtaking Tommy with his much longer legs. Wilbur has been hitting growth spurts at an alarming rate lately, and he hasn't even reached puberty yet. Techno is pretty convinced Wilbur will be taller than him soon despite being two years younger.
He shambles after them, getting to the house when Tommy and Wilbur are already rushing into the kitchen. Techno takes off his shoes and very neatly places them on the rack, then does the same to the pairs Wilbur and Tommy left lying in the middle of the hallway. When he straightens, Phil is looking at him from the doorway to the kitchen.
"Hey, Techno! How was school?" he asks. Phil asks every day how school was, though he usually does so when they're all at the table having the snack Phil insists on them having as soon as they're home. Something about how growing boys need to eat properly.
"Boring," Techno says. He never really minded school, he just never was super interested either.
"That bad?"
"Let's just say that Tommy roping me into catching bugs with him later was the high point of my day," Techno says, smirking a little at Phil's expression. Techno walks towards him, assuming Phil will lead the way into the kitchen. But the older man shifts to block the door and Techno stops, his heart dropping into his stomach.
Did he do something wrong?
"Have you thought about picking an extracurricular yet?" Phil asks. "Like we talked about the other day."
Oh right, that.
Techno half-shrugs, taking a step back. "Not really."
"Why not?" This is the point where Phil apparently realizes that cornering Techno in the hallway is making things a little awkward. He extends his arms and leans on the wall, trying but failing to make himself look relaxed.
While it makes Techno less nervous, it also leaves him more confused. Phil brought up some of his options the other day, Techno thought he was just finally getting around to reading the pamphlets the teachers had handed them when he was enrolled. But now he doesn't get why Phil is being weirdly insistent about it.
"None of them look super interesting," Techno says truthfully.
"What about your friends? None of them are taking extracurriculars you'd want to join?"
"Not really." Techno isn't close with anybody in his class, and wouldn't call them friends. He's fine with that, he's not much of a 'friend' person. "Besides, I don't have time for after-school stuff. I need to pick up Tommy and Wilbur so we can walk home together."
Techno doesn't mean anything by it, but he notices for a brief moment that Phil's face clouds over. He smooths it out quick enough, fixing his grin firmly in place. Techno still saw it.
"Why don't you do me a favor and check out the book club anyway? Kristin can pick Wilbur and Tommy up just fine tomorrow, she used to do it all the time. You know it's less than a ten-minute drive from here," Phil presses. "And you might like the club more than you think."
Shifting on his feet, Techno knows there's something Phil isn't telling him. He's not stupid.
"Maybe. Isn't my social worker coming tomorrow?" Techno says. She comes by once a month just for a check-in. Usually, her visit doesn't last more than twenty minutes. Techno doesn't even have to be present for it, in the past he sometimes went to do other stuff while she talked with Phil and Kristin. It's a formality more than anything.
Maybe Techno is just hoping for an excuse not to go to that book club.
"She called earlier today to reschedule her visit actually," Phil says. "So you're all good."
Darn, no such luck. Techno nods. "Yeah, I'll check it out tomorrow," he relents.
Phil brightens up and immediately turns so they can go into the kitchen. "If you don't like it, we won't ask again. Promise."
Techno thinks that's a bit of a strange thing for Phil to say but doesn't question it. Tommy and Wilbur are already sitting at the table, scarfing down on chocolate chip cookies that look like they came straight out of the oven. Techno takes his seat.
"Mom is going to clean a jar for our worms," Tommy tells him. "We can put some leaves and twigs in there, and dirt. Make a little habitat."
"Worms specifically?" Techno asks. "What happened to bugs?"
"I want it to be worms."
"Don't bother Techno too much, okay?" Phil says from over by the sink.
Tommy ignores him, as he usually does. But Techno frowns at himself, feeling as if he should say something. Why is Phil doing that? Why does it matter to him if Tommy wants his help? Why, unless Phil doesn't want them to spend time together at all? What would be the point?
He puts his full attention towards half-heartedly chewing on his cookie, trying to ignore the growing unease inside his ribcage.
Techno does end up going to the book club, he just doesn't stay for more than ten minutes.
The girl who runs the club seems nice enough. Her name is Niki. She introduces herself to Techno and tries to make him feel welcome, but Techno supposes he's not very good at hiding how badly he wants to be anywhere else. She rushes through explaining that the club comes together every Tuesday and Thursday after school and then they sit around to read for an hour or two. They do discuss the books too, more towards the end of the meeting. They're reading some kind of fantasy novel right now that Techno has never heard of nor cares for.
He sticks around long enough for it to not be as obvious when he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. Nobody notices that he grabs all his stuff before heading out, and he discreetly slips out of the library.
Techno considers going by the elementary school before heading home, but Kristin definitely already picked Tommy and Wilbur up so Techno ends up skipping the detour. It's a short walk, and he spends most of it lost in thought deciding how to explain to Phil why he's back so early. Techno doesn't think Phil will be upset or anything. Techno genuinely wants to give the book club thing a shot, maybe another day.
There is a car in the driveway.
Techno blinks at it for a moment, trying to put together why the mere sight of the shiny black exterior instantly makes dread run through him. His fingers tighten on the straps of his backpack, his knuckles turning white.
He recognizes that car. It belongs to his social worker.
And the reason it manages to fill Techno with an unprecedented amount of apprehension is because it shouldn't be there.
Phil said his social worker rescheduled. She shouldn't be at the house. Whenever she shows up unannounced in the past, that was always because he was being kicked out, taken away to some other family that didn't want him. Is that what's happening? Do Phil and Kristin not want him anymore?
Something fills his chest. Sharp and painful, Techno knows it's because he's upset and hurt, so he grabs onto it and tries to find the anger buried deep in there instead. A much easier thing to deal with, and an emotion that gives him the courage to march straight up to the house despite how his hands are shaking. He opens the front door very slowly, trying not to make noise. Wilbur and Tommy are probably upstairs, because the door to the kitchen is closed. Techno can vaguely hear the voice of his social worker drift through.
"-glad to hear you tried the suggestions. Though it's unfortunate Techno hasn't taken to them."
Techno presses his palm flat to the wood and waits, holding his breath while he listens in.
"He's very stubborn when he wants to be," Phil says with a little laugh. "Sometimes it's hard to know what to do with him." Techno feels that tone like a stab to the gut.
"We hoped time would help," Kristin adds.
"Your honesty is the most important part," Techno's social worker says, setting something down on the table with a delicate click. Maybe a teacup. "If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that you're trying your best. Given his history, that's all we can hope for, really."
Bitterly, Techno shoves the door open.
He gets no satisfaction at seeing the surprise on their faces. Anger burns brightly where everything else has become hollow, so that's what Techno grasps onto.
"Why did you lie to me?" he asks. All the rest doesn't matter. He just wants to know why Phil and Kristin couldn't admit they are sick of him to his face.
"Techno, why are you-" Phil cuts himself off, already coming towards him. "We needed to have an important talk. And we wanted you to check out the book club."
Techno manages a sardonic chuckle. "Yeah, really smart distraction tactic you had there. Send the introvert to a group activity so he doesn't notice you're talking about him behind his back."
Kristin's face falls, Techno hates how dismayed she looks. "That's not what's happening at all."
"Why don't you sit down, Techno, and we can-" his social worker tries, but Techno doesn't let her finish. He turns around and runs out of the house again.
All the anger has already evaporated, a steam engine working through fuel too fast. Techno wishes he could be pissed. With previous foster placements, that had been easy. He was so sick all the time of nobody wanting him, no matter how hard he tried.
But this time wasn't the same.
As he runs towards a nearby park, all Techno can feel is emptiness. And mostly because he's scared of digging below that. Because the thin veneer of anger was only covering how scared he is beneath. How badly he doesn't want to be sent away again.
Techno hates how much he has allowed himself to love them.
When he finally sits down, he rubs at his eyes, finding his hands come away suspiciously wet. Maybe he overexerted himself with the running. The park is a little distance away from the house, though Techno often went there so he could sit on the swings and listen to music. It was never busy - even today it is deserted - and Techno had found that if he sat near the bushes behind the public bathroom he was completely hidden out of sight. It's a little gross back there, but Techno doesn't want anybody to find him.
Assuming Phil and Kristin even come looking for him.
From what little Techno overheard, he can only conclude that they are having second thoughts about fostering him. Techno doesn't think he can blame them. He just thought he was doing a better job at being a good kid this time. He did everything he was supposed to do. He helped out whenever he could, he tried being the best big brother Wilbur and Tommy could ever want, he never complained.
He tried to be good.
Pulling his knees up to his chest, Techno curls his arms around them and sits there. He has his phone, but Techno switched it to silent mode when entering the library and forgot to put the sound back on. He's too nervous to look at it now. Maybe Phil and Kristin are blowing up his phone trying to reach him. They're probably very, very mad. Techno is so stupid. Running away wasn't ever going to be a good solution.
What's he going to do now? Hide out in a public park until nightfall? And then scramble back home to be kicked out anyway?
He knows it's a terrible idea, but Techno can't get himself to move.
He sits there for a few hours at least, time is kind of hard to keep track of. He picks at the dirt with his finger and tries not to think about the snack on the kitchen table waiting for him, or Wilbur and Tommy doing their homework alone, or his social worker going through his room and packing up his stuff so they can leave when he finally dares to show his face again.
Eventually, it gets so dark and cold he can't drag it out any longer, and Techno gets up on legs that are numb from keeping them in the same position for too long. He takes a few breaths to steady himself, and slowly starts to walk back to the house.
He wonders if Kristin will let him keep Steve at least. Techno probably doesn't deserve it, throwing a tantrum like he did. But the thought of losing Steve makes him want to cry.
The harsh glare of a pair of headlights makes Techno flinch. He's on the sidewalk, so he's not in the car's way. But it still slams on the brakes and comes to a screeching halt suddenly, a few feet in front of him. Techno squints at it, suddenly remembering some distant warning he got about being out alone at night, but then the door opens and Phil gets out.
"It's him. We've found him," Phil calls over his shoulder at Kristin in the passenger seat. She's on the phone with somebody, presumably his social worker. Phil rushes over to him and Techno's entire body tenses up, prepared for something bad to happen. He doesn't even know what.
He doesn't expect for Phil to throw his arms around him.
Phil pulls him closer, one hand pressed against Techno's cheek and he doesn't notice how cold he is until Phil's palm brushes his skin.
"Fuck, mate, you got us so worried." Phil pulls away to grab his shoulders, shaking Techno slightly as he talks, looking him in the eye. "Never ever do anything like that again, you hear me?"
"I-" Techno starts, but his face is squished against Phil's chest again before he can get more words out. His cheeks are burning, not quite embarrassed. Maybe it's the tears stinging at his waterline.
"I'm sorry for lying," Phil says. "I shouldn't have done that."
Finally, Techno brings up his own arms to hug Phil back. "Sorry for running away," he mutters.
"We shouldn't have been pushing you so hard," Phil answers.
"Pushing?" Techno echoes. Because after all this, he still doesn't think he completely understands what this is about.
"With the book club. Your psychologist said you might feel pressured to take care of Wilbur and Tommy, and help us out, since you're not used to being the oldest. We just didn't want you to be stressed. We thought having stuff to do outside of the house would help, but we never bothered to check in on what you actually wanted." Phil finally stops hugging him, but he doesn't let go.
"Is that what you were talking to my social worker about?" Techno wonders.
"We wanted to ask her for tips on how to make things easier on you," Phil answers.
"Bruh, you could have just asked me."
"Would you have been honest with us, mate?" Phil raises a skeptical eyebrow at him. Techno can't meet his eye. Ah, Phil might have a point there. Techno would probably have just insisted things were fine as they were. Phil squeezes his shoulder once again, gently steering him towards the car. "We can talk more about this in the morning. For now, we should get you home. It's getting cold out here."
Steve is waiting for him in the backseat. Techno picks the bear up gratefully as he's buckled in.
Tomorrow, they'll have to talk about this more like Phil said. But for now, Techno can lose himself in the lights becoming blurred lines speeding by outside, and the relief he feels at them not hating him.
And maybe, just maybe, Techno will give book club another shot.