Julie. I needed her to hear it from me.
She left me standing in her quarters without saying a word. I'd started to convince myself to run when she came back with a bag of caps and medical supplies that I know the Fort can't really spare. She took my white coat. Message sent and received. I can't wear the garments of a Follower ever again, not after waging war under the banner of the Enclave.
I tried to tell her that I didn't blame her, that I would always remain loyal to her even if she could not say the same to me.
She looked at me with this mixture of pity and regret that will be burned into my memory forever. Asked me if I thought Bill Calhoun heard the same thing once. I wonder… if she had found out under better circumstances, would it have been different? I'm not sure I want to know.
Everything since I was a thirteen year old boy studying in the Boneyard ended in an instant. The whole duty of man.
I hope I'll be able to find Ignacio. Last I heard he was planning on heading back up to New Vegas. He wants to fight for people. He always has. Some selfish part of me needs him to know that I have not betrayed his ideals. Needs him to know that being a Follower was never just a cover for me, that it gave me purpose and reason.
I didn't have much to pack. Clothes, some essentials for a long trip. All those plasma cartridges for my defender that Gloria's always sold me without question. My mother's holotape copy of the Tanakh. I've added thousands of additional books since then, of course, but none that carry that same weight of responsibility.