Looking back on this moment, Kyoko would be both very proud, and very embarrassed by how she acted. With the amount of screaming and actual fires going off in her head full of demons, it was a wonder she didn't black out. It was also a wonder how supremely dense she was regarding her senpai's feelings toward her.
"Tsuruga-san."
"Yes?"
"What did I just say about taking your jokes too far?"
"It's not a joke Kyoko-chan. I'd like to marry you."
Something inside her popped. She suspected smoke was coming out of her ears. Kyoko's lips fell into a flat line, showing a disapproval she didn't feel. One stray angel in her heart was singing the halleluiah chorus. Another was thwacking her heart like a drum, each beat reverberating through her ears.
"Tsuruga-san," said Kyoko slowly, as if she was speaking to a toddler about the evils of putting gum under a chair. "I'm about to get very angry. Unless you cut out this nonsense, I will take back my forgiveness from earlier. You obviously haven't learned your lesson."
"It's because I've learned my lesson that I'm not joking around." And he did seem earnest. But he was also a talented actor so that didn't mean anything. "I really would like to marry you."
The frequency of his proposal didn't reduce its impact. Another explosion blew through her mind, slowly taking away her ability to think. Which was unfortunate because she desperately needed to do so. Why was Ren saying something like this?
Ah, wait.
She snapped her fingers in understanding.
"The egg question," she said. "You're just following up on that. You don't have to do what you actually said. Otherwise, I'd have to propose to Daichi-san."
Proud for figuring out the mystery, she smiled, waiting for the confirmation and subsequent apology owed to her for making a mess of her heart. Ren just stared, the corners of his mouth slowly drifting downward.
"It has nothing to do with the egg," he eventually said. "I want to marry—"
"—Okay! I get it!" she interjected, unsure if her heart could take another proposal. And holy crap, four times? Really!? Did he have nothing else in his vocabulary?
Ren appeared to understand for he stayed silent, watching her with careful interest. It was impossible to understand what he was thinking. Didn't people show at least some emotion when proposing? Ren looked more like he was commenting on a bit of nasty weather, hoping it would blow over so they could enjoy a nice day outside. Nothing too significant, but still a hindrance.
If she was truthful, that air of nonchalance was the only thing keeping her face from heating up. Now that her initial reaction of stunned disbelief was gone, it left behind a mess of twisting embarrassment. Had he shown any hint of self-consciousness, her entire body would be red.
Still, she was avoiding the main subject. Marriage. Ren. Nothing made sense which was something she needed to change.
"Let's say I believe you," she said, hoping to imitate his indifference. "Why? It makes no sense for you to marry me." Kyoko gave herself a mental high-five for managing not to stutter.
He didn't respond immediately, continuing his scrutiny as if he were waiting for something. Which Kyoko really didn't appreciate because now that she'd asked, she was dying to know. She didn't dare conjure any reasons in her head for fear of what fantasies they'd create.
Ren rubbed his chin, continuing to take his freaking time!
"Does it need explaining?" he finally said.
"Yes!" Her voice cracked, betraying her nerves. "You can't just—Tsuruga-san did your parents not teach you about these things? You can't just say something like that without giving an explanation."
"What if I don't have a reason?"
"Bullshit."
A twinkle entered his eyes. Ah. Her emotions were starting to slip through. She wanted to stab his self-satisfied smile with her chopstick.
"Would you like to guess?" he said. "I'll tell you if you get it right."
Well, that told her one thing at least. That he did have a reason and it wasn't just an impulsive offer.
Kyoko pondered, allowing her drifting thoughts to take form.
The first one that developed was something similar to her own reasons for marriage. The high taxation would put a strain on his finances, and he wanted to avoid it. Except this was Tsuurga Ren. He should have no problem with money.
Unless he was sloppy with his spending. No, she doubted that. Ren was too level-headed when it came to those sorts of things. What if he enjoyed donating to charity and didn't want to divert those funds just to keep himself afloat?
Alright, that may be possible, but that didn't answer the question of why her and not… someone else.
Why not the person he loved?
She knew he was going to confess his feelings to the woman he loved. He'd told Kyoko this as Bou. Yet here he was, weeks later proposing to Kyoko.
That's when it hit her. Her breath caught as both angels and demons in her heartbox stilled at the sudden loss of air.
She rejected him.
After confessing his feelings, the woman he loved flat-out rejected him. That was the only logical conclusion. Otherwise, he'd be happily engaged in a relationship with his beloved.
Now, heartbroken and uncaring, he'd followed after Kyoko. Chasing her not only to mend their friendship but to take advantage of their mutual situation. He knew her. Knew she rejected love. He guessed she wouldn't care who she married because it was all about the tax break. They'd both be helping each other out of an annoying financial situation.
Except he was wrong. She'd lied to him, though not directly. Her reason for being here wasn't just to avoid the tax hike. It was to avoid Ren. To put distance between herself and the selfish wish her heart wouldn't relinquish. But in doing so, she'd unknowingly lured Ren toward her with false promises of friendship. Manipulated his heart without meaning to.
Kyoko felt awful.
"Whatever you're thinking," said Ren. "It's probably wrong."
"W-why would you say that?" Shoot, she wanted to cry. "I'm not thinking anything."
He tilted his head, pain washing across his features. "You look like someone just died."
To be fair, several of her internal angels had keeled over but those really didn't count. They'd be resurrected after a single dazzling smile from Ren so, no real loss there.
Ren rubbed a hand across his forearm, suddenly looking uncomfortable. The sight of it was shocking and not one she appreciated. She was plenty unstable for both of them. She didn't need him showing any vulnerability. The sight of it was too endearingly painful.
"The reason should be obvious," he said. "I'm positive most of our acquaintances could tell you."
"Then just tell me."
"No." His hand stopped, but the uncomfortable air didn't dissipate. "If you can't even imagine it, then your heart's not open to hearing it." What was that supposed to mean? "Though… I would very much like to tell you."
And now he was pleading. It was like he wanted to rip her heart out or something. She just wanted him to stop looking so down.
"T-then can't you give me a hint?" she said. "I m-mean, if you were serious. This was all hypothetical anyway."
Her heart was back to thumping in her ears.
Ren considered, then rose to round the table.
If Kyoko thought she was done being surprised for the evening, she was sorely mistaken. Her body kicked into flight mode, charging her system with adrenaline as her eyes bulged from their sockets. Despite this, nothing short of stampeding rhinos could have prompted her to move.
Ren had knelt down in front of her.
On one knee.
Like a proposal.
"Mogami Kyoko-san," he said. "You are a dear friend and a wonderful woman. I admire both your strength of character as well as your acting. Would you please marry me?"
"You can't-t-that's not—" She was quickly losing the ability to breathe, let alone speak. She sputtered for a few seconds before finally blurting. "But you don't have a ring!"
Why her mind had decided to latch onto that detail was anyone's guess.
Either way, the response seemed to take Ren off guard, so… that was a bonus. It didn't last as a shimmer of what suspiciously looked like- Nope. She didn't dare think hope. Never that.
"It's in my room," he said. "We can go back and grab it if that's what you're worried about."
"But you can't marry me." Last layer of hell right here. "It's ridiculous. You can't just—"
"Why not?" He had the gall to look innocently puzzled. The same look Corn gave her when she told him they couldn't be in love. This freaking Fairy! There were oh so many reasons why this was not a good idea. But it was hard to find one when her mind wouldn't form words properly. Eventually, one stuck.
"You should marry the person you love," she said, breathless. "Don't settle for a tax break like me."
It was hypocritical as well as mean considering she knew he'd been rejected, but she literally couldn't think of anything else right now.
Ren sighed in the way he knew infuriated her. The way that said he was disappointed, or she'd acted out of character or a million other things she couldn't determine right now. He finally rose and returned to his seat.
After a moment, he flashed her a smile. It was real, but weak. As if someone had stomped on it a few times.
"Maybe next time," he said. "You'll figure it out."
Next time? There was going to be a next time!?
Kyoko fidgeted, her nerves strung tight enough to break. She didn't like this feeling. Didn't like it one bit. Her eyes darted around the room to find something to distract her from whatever had just happened.
They fell on their server.
She stood right inside the entrance, one hand holding a slice of cake, the other clamped over her mouth to withhold a rising exclamation
Kyoko yelped upon seeing her. With it came the flooding realization that everything had been recorded. Taken by Maria to be potentially shown to the entire population of Japan – no, the world- should she choose it to be. The blood drained from her face.
"I'm so sorry," said the server, looking very flustered and extremely confused. "I didn't mean to interrupt. It's just... your dessert."
"I think I'm going to vomit," muttered Kyoko.
She rushed out of the room, praying she could make it to the bathroom on time.
The rest of the date was awkward. Neither of them touched their desert and any words exchanged between them were born from necessity. She spent most of the time avoiding his eyes. When their gaze did meet, he would grin politely and ask her a question she'd either answer yes or no to, even if it didn't make sense.
The ride back to the hotel was pretty much the same. Spent in silence and awkward eye contact. Though he did open her door for her, offer his hand, and bid her goodnight with all the poise of a knight in shining armor.
"Goodnight Kyoko-chan," he said. "I'll see you in the morning."
Her ears burned from the sweet address. Whatever game Ren was playing, it wasn't fair. She needed to get to her room and enjoy a personal moment of complete panic.
Even that small mercy was denied for the moment Ren disappeared, she felt a strong tug on her shirt. Before she could even turn to see who it was, she was hustled out of the hallway and thrown into the… What was this room called again? The "spill-your-guts-for-the-world-to-enjoy the-drama-born-from-your-pain" room? Either way, she knew the windowless room was soundproof.
Kyoko finally saw who had pushed her in here. Maria looked as frazzled as Kyoko felt, her face red with lips curled back into a sneer. Strands of hair hung from her braid as if she'd been yanking at it out of irritation.
"What," said Maria, her voice a dangerous rumble. "In the world. Was that?"
Kyoko's eyes flickered to the camera in the room. Like hell she was going to be tricked into spilling any more secrets about herself.
"I'd really appreciate it I could go back to my room and—"
"—Why did you reject his proposal?" shouted Maria. "Are you trying to break his heart? I have no idea what's going through your head right now other than a whole lot of nothing!"
"I'm not breaking his heart."
"Oh, really? Because that's not what it looked like to me out there." She tapped furiously on her tablet, shoving it under Kyoko's nose. Too close to actually see what was on it, Kyoko could vaguely tell it was footage from their dinner date.
"I didn't realize you were such a cruel person, Onee-sama," said Maria. "Poor Ren-sama was bearing his heart and you coldly rejected him. You even told him to marry the person he loves, which is you!"
"Tsuruga-san is not in love with me." It didn't hurt to say. It pissed her off. That she had to defend Ren against such ridiculous assumptions especially after having the forbidden fruit dangled in front of her. She did not need Maria misunderstanding things on top of it all.
Maria was not convinced.
"Do you need your eyes checked?" said Maira. "He chased you here to marry you!"
"Because it would be a convenient marriage!" How many times was Kyoko going to have to explain this to others as well as herself? She waved a hand in the air, working herself up into an even bigger mess than before. "He just wants a tax break. Well, I don't want to be the woman who is scrutinized and belittled for standing by him. The media will destroy the woman he marries no matter who she is. And it would be worse if it was someone so plain like me."
"But it's not for convince, it's for love!"
Kyoko's tone turned venomous. She was done hearing this fantasy. "I didn't think you were so naive to believe that marriage is always for the sake of love."
Maria clamped her mouth shut. Her face displayed hurt as if Kyoko had slapped her.
"You can't see it," she said. "It's so clear and yet…" Her mumbling became indistinguishable.
Kyoko let her continue, trying to calm to anger fuming inside her with little success. Maria had better let her leave before Kyoko said something she would regret.
"Can I go?" said Kyoko.
Maria shook her head. "If it's just for convenience why can't you marry him?"
"I already told you, I don't want to be murdered by the media."
"You don't even pay attention to your popularity. If anything, it would boost your career and give you more offers to act."
Well, she wasn't wrong, which was an unfortunate hole in her completely made-up reason. Kyoko bit her tongue, refusing to back down.
"Well?" said Maria.
"It's none of your business."
"Actually, it is. I am your assistant director documenting your emotional and romantic journey through this show."
This was where Kyoko snapped. "Then do your job properly and stop trying to influence me directly. Or do you make a habit of lecturing all the contestants about their relationship choices? I didn't realize you were such a nosy busybody."
These were the type of words she was trying to avoid. The sheen in Maria's eyes was the sledgehammer that broke through Kyoko's irritation. But her regret came too late. Maria turned on her heel and jabbed a button on the camera. The red light flashed as she gestured to Kyoko without any real energy.
"Then do what you were contracted to do," said Maria, voice thick. "Do the video journal and go to bed."
Kyoko swallowed, unable to clear the lump in her throat.
"Maria-chan, I'm—"
The door slammed shut, leaving Kyoko alone with the camera.
She sank into the chair, turning very still as she tried to keep hold of herself. Like if she resisted the urge to move, she could avoid the emotional backlash from tonight. But just as a deer would still get plowed by the car, Kyoko couldn't avoid the oncoming onslaught. She took a shuddering breath, feeling the tears repressed from the whole night finally swell in her eyes.
"What the hell am I even doing?"
Thanks for reading!
So... many of you called it. And some of you let hope enter your heart. (I don't think I've ever laughed so sadistically when reading reviews) Kyoko is as dense as a brick. YOU'RE WELCOME! XD
Just an FYI, it might be a while before the next update. I have much drama to prepare for the next day of Crimson Threads. Plus I'm obviously concentrating more on The Prince's Concubine and getting that mess done this year. But thank you all so much and OHMYGOSH I love you all!
-Blushweaver