Edi is at the dining table with Brooks. Joker's chrome sentient toy is examining data from a tablet. Why does Edi even need to use a tablet? I don't really need to think about it. The whole gang piles into the dining room. Brooks explains to all of us what is happening "Commander, Edi and I have been analyzing those drivers. I think we found something if you're ready."

Shepard is always ready. 'Let's hear it."

Edi explains "Though the data's root structure was erased, the logic integrity remains viable."

Brooks compliments the living computer "Edi has an incredible talent for this stuff. I know she's an AI, but even still. We found an encrypted communication from a few days ago. Just need another minute to crack it."

Joker walks to stand next to Edi "A whole minute? Edi here could shave that down to five seconds."

Edi says "I thought it best to allow Staff Analyst Brooks a chance to improve her decryption skills." Shots fired!

Joker replies "And now you've lost your chance to show off."

Brooks humbly replies "Like she needs it. You're the crew of the Normandy. You're legends to the rest of the Alliance."

Shepard says "Legends can be good or bad. Which are we?"

Brooks says "You're the kind that people look up to. The kind they owe their lives to."

Wrex asks "Then how come everyone's always shooting at us?"

Tali says "I think it's mostly you, Wrex. The bigger the target, the bigger the… uh, target."

Wrex asks "You're saying I've gained weight?"

Liara says "It just means there's more of the legend to love."

Wrex hated that.

I lean over "I'll teach you a rapid fat burning fast if you can handle it."

Brooks says "and the camaraderie, the friendship? I think that's your secret weapon."

I say "It's surprisingly rare forming an effective team is. You guys are all special."

Shepard tries to hide his blushing "It's all just part of the job."

Garrus raises his hand "Wait… 'job?' You mean the rest of you are getting paid for this?"

I stand with poor turians everywhere "Yeah Shepard, I need my annual 100,000 credits. You know like last time."

Wrex asks "What do you even need the credits for?"

"How am I supposed to pay for streaming services and my omnitool bill?"

Liara comments "fairpoint."

Brooks brings us back to the matter at hand "Here we go. Wow. Those Mercs who were after you? They brought a lot of weapons. Like, big ones."

The holographic display shows advanced robotic suits. Ashley leans on the table "Mechs? What do they need that kind of firepower for?"

Glyph flies over, hovering over the middle of the table. Blinking a red light. Javik says "It appears this drone is preparing to rebel."

Glyph says "I have just monitored the Commander's Spectre access code in use at the Citadel Archives."

Shepard order Glyph "Punch it up."

Brooks says "The archives are going into emergency lockdown. Whoever's hacking your records is there right now!"

Shepard asks "What do we know about the place?"

Garrus explains "Council keeps sensitive historical information there. Real hush-hush. Even my old C-sec clearance never got me in."

I joke "So alien national treasure. That would be a new one for me. If we find a bunch of valuable relics, I call dibs."

Shepard dramatically turns around, leading the pack, "First we need to get there and then we'll find our own way in. Gear up, and let's–"

Standing four feet in front of him is a four-foot tall Volus holding a pizza.

Javik turns to Garrus, commenting "We should have installed our security systems when we had the chance."

Shepard and the unnamed volus stare awkwardly at each other, before he turns around, asking "what's with the volus?"

James coughs up "Oh. Pizza delivery guy. I got the munchies."

I yell "KAIDEN!"

"I didn't share!" Kaiden said.

The pizza delivery volus mentions "Double pepperoni."

Brooks says "These archives are huge. You'll have a lot of ground to cover. Shame you can't bring everyone."

Shepard turns to her "Who says we can't? All hands-on deck for this one."

James cries "Hell yeah. But, uh, who gets to take point with you?"

Everyone looks at Shepard.

Wrex "Ahem."

Javik "Ahem."

Tali "Ahem." oh it's so cute when she does it.

Pizza delivery volus "Ahem. Who's going to pay for the bill?"

James steps up "I got this Shepard."

I warn him "Don't eat too much. Leave some room for my dish."

James replies "I forgot you were even making something but I'm hungry now."

I softly winch in pain. I put all this work into making a delicious meal only for someone to want pizza instead. wait is that Pizza Shuttle? There actually really good. The garlic knots are some of the best I've had. I unconsciously lick my lips. "Have a quick bite then we need to go."

Shepard, Brooks, Wrex, Ashley, and Liara are in one shuttle. In shuttle two are Jacob, Cortez, and EDI. I'm in the third shuttle with Garrus, Javik, Tali, and Kaiden. The skycar is a tight fit, but the drive will be a short one. Garrus knows the area, he takes the wheel. His long legs force him to scoot the chair as far back as it can go, nearly crushing my dear.

I ask the squad "Guys, are we forgetting something? I got one of those brain thorns telling me I am forgetting something but can't place my finger on it. If I don't figure it out, it will drive me nuts."

Kaiden asks me "Is it something we should know what's coming up ahead?"

My tongue clicks "Not that. I feel like we are forgetting something. Wait! Where is Mordin?"

Garrus answers "He's on the Normandy performing important experiments, he told me."

The empty galactic map room is dimly lit. The quiet humm of the electronics grow distant in the background. There is a sound. A familiar sound. The normal pitter patter of employees on the ship would normally mask this sound. The origin is the sealed metal laboratory doors. Inside is Professor Solus, entertaining himself.

"THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTNING, VERY, VERY FRIGHTENING ME (GALILIEO), GALILEO, (GALILEO), GALILEO FIGARO, MAGNIFICO!" Mordin pauses to sip his favorite tea, forming the biggest smile an amphibian man can have.

"Ah it's so good to finally have the ship all to myself again. I love my retirement."

I ask everyone "Do you think he's going to be alright?"

Kaiden claims my favorite salarian is ok, in fact, he's been in a delightful mood ever since the modified geophage. Garrus points out our destination and flies us down. While we arrive first, the time it takes to raise the seat up for Tali to escape allows Shepard a badass entrance.

Brooks says "The archives are somewhere below us. It could get pretty tricky to get in there."

James claims "not really." then proceeds to destroy government property. Why does he get to do it? I like getting whatever revenge I can for misuse of my taxes. Wait they are just going to raise it to cover the replacement cost. Damn it James.

Wrex pushes everyone out of his way "Krogan first! See you at the party princesses."

I like happy Wrex. Being a battle master does not actually get to be in a lot of battles. His bloodthirstiness finally gets to be satisfied with a touch of nostalgia of the good old days

One by one we head into the makeshift basement side entrance, diving into the forbidden library. Shepard finds multiple air vents. Glyph melts the screws off and he piles in, except Wrex. He has to walk. I buddy up with Garrus and Tali, making sure Garrus goes in first. He should know air duct security traps better than I. Tali goes next. My job is to act like the alpha wolf, in the back of the line, ensuring no one is left behind, and enjoying the view as I do.

We come to an end. Garrus spins around to kick the panels off. We find ourselves in very large room. There is a model of the Citadel. Shepard's team is on the ground level. A strange electronic noise is heard. A bright red ladybug lands on my chest. There are no lady bugs in space, SNIPER! I push Tali and Garrus into cover.

Wrex yells "AMBUSH!"

Shepard screams "Scatter and take cover!"

Wrex says "in the old days, we had at least five minutes before a mission went south!" Wrex pummels his way through the mercenaries. The genophage modifications altered his biology, granting him more energy and a youthful vigor.

I shout "Shepard! You are a magnet for trouble!"

"Where do you think you're going Princess" Wrex headbutts a mercenary.

A mysterious figure screams "That's enough!" The voice sounds eerily familiar. "Drop your weapons or this won't end well for her." The mysterious person has captured Brooks with a gun pressed into her hip.

Brooks curses "you bastard!"

Four mercs surround Shepard, he says "All right" then slowly drops his pistols on the ground. "Whatever you think you're getting away with, there is nowhere you can run, nowhere you can hide where we can't find you."

Mysterious figure laughs "Hide? Why?" I'm-"

I scream "CLONE SHEPARD!"

The clone steps out of the shadow, shocked "What? You know I exist?"

Liara utters "There are two of you."

I answer "Yeah. They made a clone in case G1 needed organs then they put you on ice. Wait… how much do you know?"

Clone Shepard asks "How much do you know?"

I reply "I think you know that I know that everyone here knows what we know is… I lost track of what I was saying."

Shepard asks "who are you?"

The clone Deadpool jumps down, not caring how bad it is for the knees. He walks up to Shepard and Liara (who is disgustingly red right now, I have to avert my eyes.) Spare Shepard says "You weren't the only Shepard that Cerberus brought back to life, but at least one of us will finally do something with it."

Shepard asks "Where did you come from?"

Cloney says "The same DNA as you."

Wrex says "A clone."

Liara says "a duplicate of Shepard."

Copy and paste Shepard continues "Cerberus spared no expense no expense resurrecting you. With me… I was created for spare parts in case you needed another arm, or a heart, or a lung."

Shepard asks "Where have you been this whole time?"

Counterfeit Shepard explains "in a coma… until I woke up six months ago. While you were in a jail cell on Earth, I was learning to be human. Amazing what a person can do with enough neural implants." Oh god not the Elon Musk neuralinks. It doesn't take physic abilities to know nothing good happens with those.

Garrus comments "Illegal cloning and neural transplants. C-sec is going to have a field day with this one."

Shepard tries to buddy buddy with his long-lost test tube twin "If you are really me, then we're on the same team."

Bargain brand Shepard says "we're not even in the same league."

Shepard asks "Did the Illusive man or Kai?"

Buggy version 2.0 Shepard answers "No. The illusive man abandoned me when he had what he wanted. You. Kai threw me away. Called me synthetic garbage."

Liara asks "Then why are you trying to kill us?"

Factory defect Shepard turns away "Because I don't have his memories. I'd never fool my supposed friends… The ones who abandoned their duty to join the cult of Shepard. Like you Doctor T'Soni. You're nothing more than a college cheerleader pretending to be a soldier."

Liara barks back "and you're just a pale imitation of the real thing!"

Misprint stamp Shepard replies "I am the real thing perfected. I'm you without the wear and tear, Shepard. The doubts, the failures. I'm the lone wolf you were always meant to be… without the emotional baggage holding me back."

Wrex growls "No one will ever believe you're Shepard."

British ripoff of American game show (Come up with your own ideas! If you are going to copy something, read our constitution!) Shepard says "They will when I'm flying your ship."

Shepard radios to the Normandy to initiate lockdown. The signal is blocked. The unnecessary movie sequel Shepard radios Traynor to prepare the Normandy to leave.

Shepard says "Never thought I'd say it, but I'm looking forward to killing myself."

Faux Shepard says "I guess ominous threats of violence run in our DNA, but mine is more than a threat. Execute them. The cult of Shepard ends today."

I take the lead and shoot the large Citadel model overhead. Large chunks of glass fall down, nearly striking the would-be executioners. Garrus and Tali knockout our guards while I focus on providing covering fire for these cult members. I just realized he does have the charisma of one. I should imply he's Charles Manson in another universe. That will freak him out.

Shepard finds cover, then asks "Do we still got everyone?"

Tali says "We're on the balcony."

Brooks says "I'm ok too!"

Shepard asks "Where is everyone else?"

Cortez radios "the other side."

I jokingly ask "Did we just capture an EVP?"

Garrus says "on high ground with a sniper rifle. Doesn't get any better than this!"

Ashley says "Having a little party up here! With bullets!"

I reply "Texas style here we go!"

Javik says "These primitives will make good sports."

EDI says "Terminating Hostiles."

James says "one big happy ass-kicking family! See that shot, Brooks? That's how legends do it!"

Brooks says "If I wasn't covering my eyes, I'd be impressed!"

Wrex charges forwards "All right, everyone, Uncle Urdnot is back in town, and he brought the boom!"

Shepard teases the big lug "Is that a catchphrase or something, Wrex?"

Wrex says "Thought I'd try it out. See what you think!"

Tali says "Try again!"

I tell my old camping buddy "Badass people such as us, don't need catchphrases. We just do!"

I can overhear one of the mercenaries saying "Rapier squad, orders are to kill the other Shepard's crew! No messing around this time!"

One of his subordinates' protests "But they've got a krogan! Why don't we have a krogan?

Another trooper reacts with shock "Shit, that's the prothean over there!"

Javik replies "And that's a future corpse over there!"

Looks like Garrus has a fan on the opposing team "I think that turian they've got is Archangel! How the hell are we going to kill him?"

Garrus tells them "You're not!" before proceeding to quickly eliminate the last remaining troopers in cold syfy spartan blood.

Liara says "We're clear! Now where'd the other you go?"

Shepard comes out of hiding from the numerous desks in this war-torn museum lobby, answering his love "He's pushing into the archives. Stay in your groups! Team Mako, you're on point."

Brooks excitedly cries "Right! What's a Mako?"

Liara answers "Something we could use right about now."

Shepard opens a door and sprints into the space I cannot see from the balcony. He says "Team Hammerhead, cover the flank!"

Cortez says "Got it! And the Mako's got nothing on the Hammerhead."

Tali asks me "Which do you prefer?"

"I liked the Hammerhead because it could fly. While the Mako is cool, it feels like a tank."

Kaiden radios over "Don't you insult my boy!"

Garrus calls Tali and I over. He shows us a maintenance tunnel which should lead us deeper into the archives. The hallway is long, dimly lit with red security lights. Feels like the entrance to a really weird body shop. Garrus turns the corners, waving for us to proceed. We come into an unbelievable large warehouse that Amazon would be envious off, lined with these strange large cylinders.

It isn't long before more troopers arrive and try to poke holes in us. The other Shepard orders them to kill us as he needs more time to get into the vault. They four guards were quickly eliminated by our superior skills, numerical advantage, and I having the high ground. Tali finds a platform for our Shepard to use.

Tali says "Shepard, step onto that platform, and we can lower you from here."

We lose radio contact with Shepard. Tali suggests we follow the steam pipelines and maybe we can find access panel where stairs could be close by. With no where else to go, Tali guides us. The quiet is unpleasant. Garrus stops us for a weapons check. His rifle is in working order. The sound of Shepard getting trigger happy like a diabetic with a twitchy finger alerts us where to go. Wrex is laughing and enjoying reliving the glory days, fighting alongside the greatest human alive, and a Spectre.

We rush towards the gunfire where we find ourselves in some kind of storage space. Crates of who knows what artifacts are being used as ashtrays by surprised troopers. Tali swears "shit!' We split up and take cover. This is bad. We are pinned by at least eight troopers. Garrus asks me to blow everyone away. I ask him "Is the Archangel, asking for my help? You know I won't ever let you down."

Garrus radios to Shepard "Commander, they've got us pinned down and we could use some help."

Shepard replies "On our way."

The great Commander arrives in the nick of time. A sniper on a platform nearly got me if he hadn't been there. I hate getting sniped. It hurts pretty bad, it feels like cheating since I can't normally shoot them back, I don't care how unfair it seems when I love to snipe enemies for the same reason.

Shepard and Liara provide cover fire. The troopers quickly scramble to put on their helmets and randomly spray fire. Liara runs up to the later and a stray bullet creates a spark on one of the rails "That's cheating! We're on a ladder!"

Oh, just our luck. Team Hammerhead and Mako just happen to be there. Five humans shooting, four aliens a blasting, One android firing, and five golden EXPLOSIONS! The remaining troopers die by the power of friendship synchronized bullets. The best kind of cliche friendship power boosts. It must be the high vibes.

Wrex says "That's why I love hanging out with you guys! Why shoot something once when you can shoot it 46 more times?"

I comment "Yeah, these are the moments I get out of bed for."

Shepard climbs up the ladder, trying to hide his smile as he does so "The… other me can't be far. Keep up the pressure, and we'll try to surround him. Let's move."