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Letters From a Fan
Chapter 17
"Kacchan?!" Midoriya exclaimed as he rushed to his side, still in a total state of confusion and panic over how Kirishima had collapsed after stepping out of his office. "What the hell happened?"
Wails were his response. Wet, sorrowful sobs that can only come from a broken heart. Midoriya was at a loss; Bakugo had reached his limit for what he could tolerate emotionally, the ceiling shattering and gushing all the pent-up rage, guilt, and hurt that he'd carried inside him far too long.
There was nothing that could be said to quell such catharsis and he wouldn't have wanted to anyway. This needed to happen in order for either of them to move forward; Midoriya was patient... he could wait.
He carefully undid the straps and latches that were keeping his best friend restrained and then tugged him to the floor. It was a process getting himself leaned up against the couch while maneuvering Bakugo's much larger body between his legs, but he managed.
Spiky golden hair tickled Midoriya's throat when he pressed Bakugo's cheek against his chest and he sadly mused this was the first time he'd ever held him like this. He hoped beyond hope that he'd be able to help put the mans' broken will back together once the dust settled. "Shh... It's going to be okay, Kacchan..." he soothed, encircling his hiccupping shoulders with a firm, comforting grip.
"L-let me go, Deku!" he rasped in response, the plea disjointed and high pitched. "P-please just l-let me go. You know I d-deserve this!"
Weak and broken, desperate for help and support without feeling worthy of it. These were all things Midoriya knew well as he'd lived them all and he wouldn't wish them on his worst enemy, let alone the person he still loved so deeply. He hunkered down, silent. Words had no place here. He was merely a pillow that could be cried into, no judgment, no pushing, nothing but the comfort and support of someone simply being there.
*Dream Flashback*
Kirishima smiled brightly as Bakugo finished off the last of the villains they were fighting, never ceasing to be amazed at how skilled he was in combat. What was even more impressive, however, was how much improvement he'd made in regards to cooperation and mercy.
It had been about a year since they'd graduated from UA and in that time Bakugo had transformed from someone who even his own classmates and teachers considered a villain, to a hero that was scary and obnoxious but widely considered honorable; actually, he was a lot like Endeavor in that respect.
Kirishima had gone out of his way to get hired at the same agency as the ticking timebomb, still hoping that with enough time and persistence he'd find a way to weasel through the hatred Bakugo had for literally everybody, including him. If he could accomplish that, then they could be friends rather than just sparring partners... Maybe, with a minor miracle, one-day Bakugo would consider him even more than that.
That had been the plan anyway.
Something or someone had beaten him to it, the change in Bakugo's demeanor rapid and obvious. His sharp, jagged edges were gradually being smoothed; they'd still hurt if you 'hit' one of them, but otherwise, it wasn't awful just being in the same vicinity as the still fairly temperamental blonde.
"Hey!" he called, jogging after the young hero as he began heading back to their agency now that their shift was coming to an end. "That was epic, man! You're really turning out to be a great Pro!"
"Tsk. What the fuck is that supposed to mean, shitty-hair? I've always been awesome." Bakugo responded with annoyance, picking up his pace as he spoke to try and shake his talkative shadow.
The redhead just laughed and nodded in agreement, though his curiosity was finally getting the better of him. "Well, yeah, but I mean you're a totally different person than you were in high school. So, what's you're secret, yoga? Meditation maybe? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Extreme therapy?"
Bakugo growled and turned on his heel, glaring at his unofficial hero partner with warning. "Drop it, shitty hair. I'm not officially with him yet and it's none of your damn business anyway."
Kirishima felt a twinge of hurt from the confirmation. Bakugo hadn't taken an interest in anybody during high school—male or female—so he hadn't been sure that his feelings could be returned on a sexual level. Now though, he knew for certain that Bakugo liked men... and that he'd chosen someone else.
Kirishima scolded himself though, refusing to be so unmanly as to get jealous; this was a good thing and he needed to be happy for them. "So, you are seeing someone then? Yeah! Get some, Bakugo! I bet they're just as awesome as you are. To think they've accomplished in a year what UA failed to do in three... that's the epitome of manliness! Come on, tell me about him, pleeeeeeease?"
He watched with barely contained curiosity and impatience as Bakugo's face bled red, eyes darting around like he was considering blasting his way free of the conversation. Eventually, though, the blonde seemed to accept that he couldn't get out of this talk forever; it was better to just bite the bullet.
"Fucking fine. If I tell you about him, will you leave me the hell alone?"
Kirishima was quick to agree, desperate to know what made this mystery person so special to Bakugo. "Sure will, bro! Now come on, spill! Who is this special man? Where'd you meet? What's he like? Why haven't I met him yet, or even heard of him?"
Bakugo cracked his jaw back and forth. "Fucking nosey asshole... The guy I'm seeing is named Izuku Midoriya, alright? We knew each other before elementary school and were best friends for a while until I learned he was quirkless and decided a weakling like him wasn't worth my time."
Kirishima blinked in surprise; he'd never even met someone without a quirk before. He almost cut Bakugo off to scold him for being cruel to a kid who was probably already having a hard enough time, but then noticed how the angry curves of Bakugo's face began smoothing out, affection building in his eyes.
"But it didn't matter how mean I was or how much I ignored him, he'd always come right back and try to make up with me. After I was accepted into UA, I thought that was my chance to leave him behind for good, but I couldn't get him out of my fucking head." Bakugo continued, scoffing at the irony. "Some weak, quirkless, timid, kid managed to trip me up when he wasn't even around."
Kirishima was taken aback by what he was hearing; all he could think about was that this Midoriya person must be one hell of a guy to have so much influence over someone as independent and emotionally stunted as Bakugo. He kept listening, each new piece of information leaving him full of awe and stinging envy.
"Izuku's the smartest person I've ever met and can hold his own in a fight for the most part, but he's reckless and trouble follows him around like a stray dog so he's always getting hurt. And even if I wasn't worried the little bastard would get himself killed, he's mine and I don't like sharing him with anyone."
"You really love this guy, don't you?" Kirishima breathed, voice heavy as he searched Bakugo's face. The blonde had a strange composition of denial and agreement in his expression, but there wasn't doubt.
"Yeah, I do," he eventually confessed. "I love that nerd more than anything or anyone, but you know me... I'm a bastard on my best days. I guess he loves me back though... he wouldn't put up with half of my bullshit if he didn't."
*End Flashback*
Kirishima woke slowly from his hazy yet vivid dream of the first time he'd heard about Midoriya, blinking blearily at the unfamiliar surroundings while shame dropped rocks into his heavy chest. He'd find no rest in this quiet and cozy loft... not when a villain and their victim were sharing the same living space because of him. Chivalrous hero? A real man? Not in this lifetime; not with his unforgivable neglect.
"You gave Izuku and me quite the scare..."
Kirishima turned to the voice. That heterochromatic gaze was piercing, judging, blaming him for his weakness and failures as a Pro. Kirishima felt tears swell, blurring his vision so that he didn't have to see the admonishment any longer. But he had to say something; he had to make amends now that he knew the truth. "Where is he? Midoriya, I mean."
"Last I checked, he was still with Bakugo."
No. No. No. That shouldn't be allowed; not while knowing what Midoriya had suffered. Why was Todoroki allowing such risk to the person he claimed to love? Why wasn't he there to offer support and protection? Could he really not know or understand the danger of such a thing?
Kirishima stood quickly and bolted, leaping down the flight of stairs without hesitation; his questions needed answers, but not as much as Midoriya needed him there. The Unbreakable Red Riot. He'd never let Bakugo get past him.
"Midoriya!" he shouted amidst the cracking slam of the office door being thrown open.
Footsteps calmly came up behind when he stalled, however, eyes bulging at a sight he hadn't intended to see. They were on the floor, Midoriya cradling Bakugo's upper body to his own and consoling him with gentle shushing and tender strokes to his tear-glistening cheek.
What did Bakugo's face look like? He couldn't tell. All he could see was the young man's back jolting from quiet sobs, nose hidden in Midoriya's neck. This shouldn't be happening; it was intimate, loving. What about Todoroki? Kirishima looked behind him for a clue but those accusing eyes weren't focused on him. They were busy speaking to Midoriya without words.
"Come on, Kirishima." Todoroki urged after a few moments. "They need more time."
"More time?" he mimicked, the utterance vile and sour on his lips. The only thing that would accomplish is to inflame the wildfire he'd caused by getting Midoriya re-involved in the nightmare he'd bravely clawed his way out of.
Yet Todoroki didn't look worried. Not jealous or upset. There was a simplicity in the way he stared at his forbidden lover and the person who'd kept them apart. He didn't truly understand either but had accepted it.
Kirishima felt hollowed and at a loss, wandering back out the way he'd stormed earlier in compliance with Todoroki's request. Just what was this dynamic these three had become so accustomed to and why were they okay with it? What was he missing that they'd already found? A warm hand squeezed his tense shoulder, the one it was attached to attempting a smile to comfort him. Did Todoroki not know that he was the one that caused this damaging and traumatic reunion?
"Just take a breath; Bakugo is going to be fine."
It wasn't Bakugo that Kirishima was worried about... It was Midoriya.
"So, that could have gone better," Hatsume stated plainly, placing cups of coffee and shot glasses in front of Todoroki and Kirishima as well as the spot she'd be taking. She poured them each a shot of something that smelled strong, the label long since scratched off as though it was best not to know what they were about to ingest. "Oh well, best to get the shouting out of the way now so that you walking emotional disasters don't scare off all my customers. Bottoms up!"
Walking emotional disasters. Maybe Todoroki, Midoriya, and Bakugo qualified as such with their unresolved issues, but poor Kirishima had just gone from 0 to 100 and then back to 0 with no chance to adjust. His psyche was struggling to process and adapt to the realizations made over the past hour, and it showed.
"I'm so sorry, Todoroki..." he whimpered, bowing his head low shamefully. "I'm sorry for everything."
He heard shifting, the squeaking of metal against plastic and tile. His apology wasn't going to be accepted, just as it shouldn't be. Words alone were not sufficient for transgressions of this magnitude. But then there was warmth on his shoulder again, a lifeline desperately needed but undeserved.
"Kirishima, I don't know what Bakugo said to you, but as far as Izuku and I are concerned, you don't have any reason to apologize. Once he's finished calming Bakugo down, I'm sure he'd be happy to speak with you next." Todoroki explained.
Kirishima pulled away, refusing to allow himself even the slightest bit of comfort. Midoriya hadn't been given such kindness so he couldn't further betray that suffering by alleviating his own. "I do though. I should apologize because I saw them together too, Todoroki. I saw how they interacted with my own eyes and still refused to see a problem. I let Midoriya keep getting hurt and even worse I... I brought Katsuki back into his life."
The small glass before him was quickly knocked back, followed by another as soon as it was refilled. With all that he'd felt so far, the burning was barely noticeable. Nothing but a slight sting to nerves that were already too scalded by bile to pick up on much else.
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Thank you to everyone who has tuned in again! Please let me know what you think!
I'm trying to do justice to the characters because trauma is real, it is messy, and more often than society wants to admit, it is perpetuated by more than one person (the people involved and the bystanders). I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter!
