A/N: Volume 3 OP: "The World" by Jonathan Young

Chapter 13

A Troubled Mind

Pyrrha Nikos let out a deep sigh as she listlessly wandered the nearly deserted halls of Beacon. She had just left Professor Ozpin and the others and her conversation with them was endlessly playing on loop in her head. The more she thought about her situation, the heavier the weight on her shoulders became. She couldn't just reject the proposal but the thought of the risk terrified her beyond belief.

What was crazy was that, if she had been asked before she came to Beacon or shortly after she arrived, she probably would have accepted after only a bit of hesitation. She was well aware of her destiny and if such a sacrifice was needed to fulfill it then sobeit. She was no longer that person, though. She had friends who cared about her as a person and a boyfriend who loved her. For the very first time, Pyrrha had something others would consider a life and the risk of losing that was hitting her so hard that it almost made her nauseous.

This wasn't a decision she could make without any help. She needed a second or third opinion, even if she couldn't give the particulars. She was debating on who she should go to first only to stop when she realized that her feet had taken her to Emiya Shirou's door. He possessed a surprising amount of wisdom that belied his age and he had helped out the others with their problems on numerous occasions. It was getting rather late in the evening so she didn't know if he was there but she could faintly hear Team RWBY chatting away in their room so it was a safe bet.

Pyrrha raised her hand to knock and hesitated. A part of her was saying that she should talk to Jaune Arc first but she'd rather have more of an idea before approaching him. Besides, the rest of her team weren't back from the festival yet and calling them to figure out where they were would take too long. Gathering up her courage, Pyrrha knocked on Shirou's door.

"Come in," Shirou beckoned from inside. Moving somewhat quickly so as to not lose her courage, Pyrrha opened the door and stepped inside before closing it again. Shirou was sitting at his desk reading through some book she hadn't seen before. Upon seeing her troubled expression, Shirou marked his place and closed his book before taking out a sheet of paper and a pen. He quickly drew a magic circle and activated it.

"What can I do for you, Pyrrha?" Shirou asked. Pyrrha knew without being told that no one else would be able to hear her words now.

"I… I need some… some advice regarding… something," Pyrrha said hesitantly, damning the slight quiver in her voice. Shirou nodded but stayed quiet as he patiently waited for her to continue. "I— What— Do— do you believe in destiny?"

If Shirou was surprised by that seemingly random question, he didn't show it. "To a degree, yes. Not as a matter of predestination but rather that there's something that you're 'supposed' to do, a path that you feel like is the only one for you once you find it."

"I-I agree. I see it as a… final goal to work toward. But what if… what if something… unexpected… stood between you and your destiny? What if... what if you were forced to make a choice that you might not be able to live with no matter what you choose? What if you wouldn't live if you made the wrong choice? What if—" As she spoke, Pyrrha's voice became rougher and borderline frantic as she was working herself into a panic.

"Pyrrha, wait. Pause. Deep breath. We'll work through this. Everything will be okay one way or another," Shirou said calmly as he helped guide Pyrrha away from having a panic attack. While he was successful in doing that, her troubled expression remained unchanged. He could see her mind racing behind her eyes, her thoughts no doubt circling each other endlessly.

"I know that feeling all too well; being torn between what you know you should do and what your heart is telling you to do. It's… not very pleasant, to say the least."

"What did you end up doing?"

"It's a bit complicated but I ended up doing what I knew I needed to do. To put matters into perspective, I was forced to mercy kill the woman I loved."

"I'm… sorry to hear that," Pyrrha said softly as she looked toward the ground. Her troubled expression lifted ever so slightly as she was being led to an answer. Shirou had a feeling as to what was troubling her so much and a part of him hated to hide the fact that he knew but he understood the reasoning. "So… wh-what am I supposed to do?"

"I'm sorry but I can't answer that question for you. I can only assume that you're being asked to make a large sacrifice. If I were in your position, I would do it regardless of what I had to sacrifice so long as I was the only one being directly affected. That being said, I'll admit that I'm twisted, as some of my late friends have called me."

"Even… even if you had to sacrifice everything you are?"

Shirou took a deep breath and said, "That's a difficult question. From a certain point of view, I've already done something like that. I sacrificed my ideals in order to save the woman I loved only for her to die despite that. It technically wasn't a complete sacrifice of who I was but it's very close. If I was asked to make such a choice now… I would do it. Saving others regardless of the cost to me had been my ideal for a long time with the exception of a few days toward the end of my previous life.

"Your life is ultimately your own but I would advise you to talk to the person you've chosen to share it with, Jaune. This choice will no doubt affect all of your friends but he's the one who'd be most affected aside from yourself. Even if you can't give him any details, just talking about the gist of it should be enough.

"In the end, I don't want you to potentially sacrifice all that you are in order to save people you'll never meet. I don't want you to sacrifice at all. That being said, saying that makes me a hypocrite. The only advice I can properly give is that you need to make sure you know exactly who you're making this sacrifice for. Is it something as abstract as the whole world? Is it someone specific? The answer to that question coupled with whatever Jaune tells you should hopefully lead you to your answer."

Pyrrha stood in silence for a long while as she absorbed what Shirou had said. She had already planned to talk to at least Jaune about this but Shirou's words gave her a new perspective. It didn't make anything even remotely easier but it was something else to think about and consider which was still helpful.

"Thanks… Shirou," Pyrrha finally said as she looked up at him.

"It's the least I could do," he replied. Pyrrha stuck out her hand which Shirou took with a quizzical expression only to be surprised when she pulled him out of his seat and into a hug. He gladly returned it even as he idly noted that he had been hugged more times in the last week or so than just about all of his old life combined. He supposed that the people of this corner of Remnant were more inclined toward physical displays of affection than the people in Japan. It was still a bit of a culture shock but he was getting used to it.

After a time, Pyrrha broke off the hug and stepped back, giving Shirou a smile. It was very much a forced smile but she still seemed to be ever so slightly less troubled than before which Shirou counted as a win.

"Thanks again, Shirou. I'm… going to go find Jaune."

"It's no problem. I'll talk to you later."

OoOoOoO

Pyrrha sighed deeply as she sat on the edge of the dorm's roof, kicking her legs as she leaned back on her hands and stared up at the slowly darkening sky. She had told Shirou that she was going to find Jaune but she had decided to put off the inevitable by texting him to meet her when he got back. She made it extremely clear that it wasn't anything important and to take his time enjoying the festival. She didn't like lying to him but she wanted more time to think on her own.

In the end, Pyrrha wished she actually had gone to find Jaune or otherwise told him that it was important. Pyrrha's dread and anxiety grew with every passing minute as the inevitable grew closer. She had tried to untangle her thoughts, to think things over from the perspective Shirou provided, but she just wasn't having any luck. Her thoughts chased each other around in endless circles and tied themselves up in knots that were impossible to untangle.

Who was she making this sacrifice for? She had wanted to say "everyone" at first since that was the "right" answer but she found it to be hollow. Following her destiny for the sake of everyone had been what she had been doing before arriving at Beacon but she was no longer that person. It wasn't that she didn't want to save everyone anymore, it was just that it was such an abstract concept that she couldn't really find any feeling in it. It was the "right" motivation but it wasn't what was motivating her anymore.

Her next answer had been her friends. She loved and cherished all of her friends and desperately wanted to keep them safe. That would undoubtedly be easier with the power of the Fall Maiden but would that be right? She wanted to keep her friends safe, yes, but they wanted to keep her safe as well. What's more, all of them were very competent fighters in their own right. She was already above nearly all of them in terms of capability (although, she started to wonder if that gap was closing quickly with Team RWBY or if it even existed anymore). If she took on the power of the Fall Maiden and remained who she was, that gap would no doubt widen drastically. She already hated being put on a pedestal and loved that her friends didn't do that but would that change? Being the Fall Maiden was far beyond what she already was.

Her last answer was also the most obvious one: Jaune. All of her friends were precious to her but it went without saying that Jaune was moreso. He was something that she never thought that she'd ever have. She would do almost anything to keep him safe. However, she knew without asking that he'd be utterly heartbroken if she ceased to be; if her body was the same but who she was was different. Could she risk potentially hurting him that much just to protect him? Wasn't that counterproductive? They were supposed to be partners; would that almost be impossible to keep true if she became so much stronger so quickly? Especially since the chances of Jaune being able to catch up would be slim to none.

What's more, choosing to not go through with it just for the sake of not risking hurting Jaune was beyond selfish. Her desires were only natural— no one would blame her for having them— but having them and acting on them were two entirely different things. She already had an example from Shirou as to what can happen if you throw away your ideals for the sake of one person. The fact that he managed to stay strong and positive after that was nothing short of a miracle. Was she strong enough to do the same? Would that miracle occur for her, too? It was impossible to say.

Pyrrha was so caught up in her thoughts that she almost didn't hear the door open and close. She remained silent as she heard the footsteps steadily approaching her.

"Man, you really missed out," Jaune said as he came to sit next to her. For her part, Pyrrha kept staring almost blankly at the sky. "Nora did something wild but, uh, I'll tell you later. What's up? You look out of it."

"I guess I am," Pyrrha said slowly. "Hey, Jaune, do you… believe in destiny? The idea that there's something you're meant to do, some endpoint you're meant to work toward?"

Jaune was slightly taken aback by the seemingly random question but he quickly recovered, "Can't say that I've ever thought about it. I could see that being true, though. Why do you ask?"

"I…" Pyrrha sighed and sat up properly, staring down at her intertwined hands on her lap. "There's… something that I might need to do. Something that… might move me closer to my destiny. At the very least, it won't move me away from it. It's just that… there's a really big risk attached to it; a potential sacrifice."

When Pyrrha fell silent, Jaune spoke up, "It really depends on the risk versus the reward, I guess. You said that you think that your destiny is to save everyone, right? I didn't say anything at the time but I think you're wrong." Pyrrha looked at Jaune for the first time, her troubled expression blown away by a look of utter shock. "You're 'supposed' to save a lot of people, sure, but everyone? No one's supposed to save everyone. No one can save everyone. You're already a great Huntress and I'm sure you're only gonna get better.

"I guess what I'm trying ta say is this: Will the risk be worth the reward? I'm guessing that you'll be able to save more people if you take it but is it worth it? You're not alone in this; you have me and our team and all our friends. I'll understand if you want to take it but don't beat yourself up if you choose not to. You can't save everyone and we'll be there to help save everyone you can."

Pyrrha narrowed her eyes in thought as she looked out toward the horizon. She was silent for a long moment before saying, "Would you… be fine with it… if I ended up not being me anymore?"

Jaune shot her a confused glance even as certain pieces started to fall into place. "It's your choice; I can't and won't tell you what to do. I'll admit that I won't like it if you end up not being you anymore but I'll more or less get over it. Whatever you choose, I'll back you up one hundred percent."

Pyrrha fell silent again and her gaze returned to her lap. Jaune wasn't entirely sure how long they sat there in that silence but he didn't mind. He just placed his hand on top of hers and watched as the sun slowly approached the horizon. There wasn't anything more he could really say at this point anyway and he hoped it would be enough.

After a long time, Pyrrha let out another sigh as she seemed to deflate. Jaune looked at her out of the corner of his eye as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. After another moment, she took a deep breath and gathered herself before smiling at him. It was very much a forced smile but there was a spark of genuinity in there. That was enough for the time being.

"Thanks, Jaune," Pyrrha said tenderly. "We've still got another hour or so of daylight and the festival doesn't start closing down for another few hours. Wanna go have some fun?"

Jaune returned the smile, "You didn't even have to ask." The two of them got up and Jaune turned around to start heading toward the door but he soon stopped when he realized that Pyrrha wasn't following him. He looked back to see her smiling with a slight mischievous tint before backflipping off the roof.

Jaune was shocked for a moment but quickly regained himself and chuckled softly before jumping down after her. Things would be fine.

OoOoOoO

Pyrrha ever so carefully closed the door to her team's room before making her way down the hall while letting out a huge yawn and rubbing at her eyes. It was about three in the morning and she had been unable to sleep. Despite the advice from Shirou and Jaune, she still hadn't decided on anything and her thoughts and emotions refused to calm down. She had tried every meditation trick she knew to try and go to sleep but every one of them had failed. This was the day of the finals and going into it at anything less than 100% just wouldn't do. It was at this moment that, for the first time in her life, Pyrrha wished she had some sleeping pills.

Pyrrha made her way to the kitchen and fetched a glass from one of the cabinets before filling it with cold water from the tap. She closed her eyes as she drank it, letting it soothe her throat and willing it to cool down her overheating brain. She was so lost in the sensation that she nearly jumped out of her skin when a familiar voice spoke up from behind her, saving the glass thanks to her keen reflexes.

"What are you doing up so late?" Blake Belladonna asked. Pyrrha turned around and placed her hand over her heart to try and stop it from beating out of her chest. "Sorry for startling you."

"No, i-it's fine, it's okay. And I could ask the same of you."

Blake walked over to the cabinet to get her own glass. Instead of filling it with water, she pulled a carton of milk out of the refrigerator and filled it with that before putting it in the microwave. As she was doing this, she said, "I've always been a bit of a— for want of a better term— night owl. What's more, I sometimes have nightmares of the things I've done in the past that wake me up. When that happens, I know I won't be able to get back to sleep."

Pyrrha deflated somewhat even as her heart went out for her friend. They were all aware of Blake's nature as a Faunus and of her history as a former member of the White Fang. "I-I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Blake gave her a kind smile as she took her glass of milk and sat down on the table, holding the glass in both of her hands. "No, but thanks for asking. This is something I've dealt with since before I left and will probably be dealing with for the foreseeable future. You never answered my question, by the way."

Pyrrha bit her bottom lip and looked off to the side as she warred with herself. She wasn't particularly close to Blake but she knew that the Cat Faunus had a very unique perspective on things thanks both to her life experiences and her voracious reading of fiction novels.

"I… have a bit of a problem," Pyrrha began as she refilled her glass and leaned against the counter. "Do you… do you believe in destiny?"

"I do. Between destiny and karma, I'm afraid that I'll never be able to escape my sins and will just pull everyone I love down with me."

Pyrrha tried to force a smile but it wasn't very convincing. "I-I'm sure that won't happen. Even if it does, I know that you and your friends can overcome it."

Blake gave her another gentle smile, "Thanks. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that… for as long as I can remember, I've been sure of my destiny. My talent and work ethic and the strength of my Semblance marked me as being… special. From the start, I knew that I was meant to be a Huntress and that I was going to save… I know this sounds highly conceited but I knew it was my destiny to save everyone."

Pyrrha paused for a moment to gauge Blake's reaction. When there was none— Blake just continued to look vaguely interested— Pyrrha continued, "I can't tell you the details but I was recently made an offer. I could… do something that would make me a lot stronger. At the very least, it'd stop our enemies from growing stronger. However… it carries a big risk. There's… a chance that I won't be me anymore if I go through with it."

When it was clear that Pyrrha was finished, Blake responded saying, "I think I understand what's going on. To a degree, at least." Blake reached up and undid her bow, revealing her cat ears which were slightly drooping. "While something tells me that your situation is a bit different, I understand the fear of throwing away just about everything you were for the sake of doing what you think is right. My decision to leave the White Fang was far from an easy one. I haven't even contacted my parents since then.

"I don't know exactly what your potential sacrifice fully entails but, while it's important to do what you feel is right, I also believe that it's important to stay true to yourself. What finally pushed me to leave the White Fang was me acknowledging that I couldn't live with myself if I stayed. I was changing and growing as a person and I left the path the White Fang is going down. What you need to ask yourself is this: What path will leave you with the least regrets?"

"That's the problem! I don't know!" Pyrrha said, desperation creeping in at the edges of her voice. She placed her glass of water down and held her face in her hands. "I could no doubt save a lot more lives but… I don't want to not be me anymore! I want to save people but I don't want to take that risk but that's just me being selfish and putting myself before the greater good!"

Blake put down her glass of milk and closed what little distance there was between them. She placed a gentle hand on Pyrrha's shoulder and softly said, "Hey." When Pyrrha looked up at Blake's gentle smile, Blake pulled the other girl into a hug. Pyrrha stiffened in shock for a moment but she quickly threw her arms around Blake and held on to her like a drowning person would a life preserver. Blake gently rubbed Pyrrha's back while humming a soft melody and purring gently as the other girl trembled in her arms with barely repressed sobs.

Blake wasn't entirely sure how long she held Pyrrha but it didn't really matter. She had never been on this side of the equation before; never being the one to give comfort. She had always been the one taking comfort from others. Now that she experienced the other side, she decided to make an effort to comfort her friends more often. Even setting aside her care for their wellbeing, giving comfort felt a lot better than taking it.

After a time, Pyrrha finally started to calm down. She gave Blake one last squeeze before separating, wiping at her eyes as she gave Blake a grateful smile. She didn't know just how much she needed that hug until she had gotten it. "Thanks, Blake," Pyrrha said after clearing her throat before taking a drink of water.

"Don't mention it," Blake replied before sitting back down on the table. She took another drink of her milk only to scowl at it before getting back up and putting it back in the microwave. She also topped it off because might as well.

"There's nothing selfish about not wanting to make that sacrifice," Blake said after getting her milk out of the microwave and sitting back down on the table. She had let silence fill the intervening time to let Pyrrha regain herself. "It's true that we have a duty to the people as Huntresses and there's a decent chance that we'll die trying to protect them. That being said, we don't need to sacrifice absolutely everything for them. We technically don't owe the people anything; we do what we do because we're giving of ourselves freely for any number of reasons. While you could easily argue that our greater power confers greater responsibility, only the truly selfish would demand that we sacrifice absolutely everything for them.

"Let's look at this from another perspective. If our roles were reversed, if I were to come to you with this question, what would you say? Try your best to work off of only what you know that I know."

Pyrrha was silent for a long moment as she contemplated this. It took her quite some time to just separate herself from what she knew and even longer still to arrive at what might be an answer. "I… think… I'd tell you to go through with it if you really wanted to or felt that you absolutely must but to otherwise pass on the offer."

"Then there's your answer. It's clear to me that you don't really want to do it— we wouldn't be having this conversation if you did— but do you absolutely need to do it? Are there people who you could have otherwise saved that would die if you didn't go through with this right now?"

"No," Pyrrha said with an odd sense of finality. With that one word, she felt the weight that had been crushing her ever since the offer was made be lifted. She let out a sigh of relief as all of the tension rushed out of her at once. The only reason she remained standing was thanks to her leaning on the counter. "Thanks, Blake," Pyrrha said as she sat her glass down and let out a big yawn. "I should go get some sleep. After all," she gave Blake a mischievous smile, "I might end up fighting your girlfriend today."

Blake's cat ears fell flat as her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "I— We're not— You—"

Pyrrha giggled, "Don't worry about it. It's obvious to those who know the two of you but that's it."

Blake deflated but she still smiled shyly at Pyrrha even as a blush tinted her cheeks, "If you end up fighting someone else then good luck. If you end up fighting her, well…"

Pyrrha giggled again, "I understand."

"You go ahead and get some sleep. I'll clean up here."

Pyrrha was about to protest but then another yawn tore through her and she was made painfully aware of just how beyond tired she was. "Thanks, Blake."

"It's no problem. Good night."

"Good night."

A/N: Another heavy chapter this time. A bit on the shorter side but there were only two people who Pyrrha would willingly talk to about her problem. There's also only so many ways that I can write basically the same conversation. I honestly can't remember what inspired me to have Pyrrha end up talking with Blake and having that conversation be the one to help her reach her decision. It really worked out, though, and also helped progress Blake's character a bit.

This is what having a strong support network can do for your mental health, folks.

As one might imagine, Pyrrha going into the final round of the tournament with a sound mind and body is going to have a bit of an effect as to how events play out but we'll get to that when we get to that (which is to say in two chapters).

Something I had an interesting time with was actually writing these conversations. Since the gist is more-or-less the same across all three of them, the devil was very much in the details so it really tested my understanding of all of the characters involved. It also really tested my knowledge of psychology as I tried to properly represent Pyrrha's state of mind and how various things would eventually lead her to an answer. This is also an example of Shirou's twisted nature leading him to not always give the greatest advice (something I had planned for a long time). His advice outside of talking to Jaune was basically that Pyrrha should kill herself. Guy tries his best but he doesn't always have the answers.

A part of me was certainly tempted to have Jaune be the one to guide Pyrrha to her answer for various reasons but I ultimately decided against it. It made much more sense for Jaune to do what I had him do and support Pyrrha's agency. He knew that she felt like she had no real control over her life deep down and so tried to get her to find her answer inside of herself rather than from other people. However, Jaune just kinda suggested the idea but then Blake came around and basically forced the issue.

Only one review to respond to this week.

EMSreader: I'm not sure what you mean. Do you mean "Why don't they make a Dress of Heaven for Amber" or "Why don't they make Amber into a Dress of Heaven"? Either way, the question's moot since that's not something that Ozpin's capable of. Even if he was, I'm not entirely sure what that would accomplish in either direction.

Anyway, that's all from me so I'll see you next week!