Gabe Duncan is a seventeen year old boy trying to make sense of it all. He's got a tight body, a devilish smile, and he's charming. Any girl- or guy- would love to be with him. He picks up a book off the coffee table in the foyer by the fireplace and looks it over in his hands. It's something Teddy's been reading. The house is clean and he likes it that way. His mother's been cleaning.
'This Not So Boring Vacation' sounds interesting to him but Gabes never been one to read.
He's also never been one to wear sweaters or fancy shoes and yet here he is. He's dressed like Norman Bates, having a philosopher's thoughts, and desiring things he shouldn't. One of which just walked into the room.
PJ Duncan just came down the stairs. He's been away at school but he's home for Christmas. The two of them have been sharing a room. Teddy's been helping his parents with Toby, Toby's a toddler now and is usually at daycare. Teddy's out at a conference for him. Mom and Dad have gone to the store and they usually take forever because Dad loves to buy in bulk at Cosco going as slow as he can. And Charlie has been accepted to a gifted girls program over in England and she's chosen to spend the holiday there.
The house is decorated for Christmas; lights are tied to every banister, a big tree takes up half the living room, all the nick nacks in the house have been replaced with similar versions of themselves where santa or a deer or an elf are holding them. The throw blankets and pillows on the couch are red or green. It's very cozy as the smell of gingerbread or cocoa is constantly wafting from the kitchen.
Gabe has always had a specific way of decorating for the holiday. The tiny tree on his shelf in his room is white. It's got glittery green, mystic purple, and bright blue balls, lights, feathers, and birds hanging from it's branches. There's fake illuminated presents of the same color sitting on his floor. His comforter is purple and his pillows are green and blue. His curtains are white.
PJ has been sleeping in the other bed closer to the window. That's where he's been. He just woke up for the day and it's around one in the afternoon. He's only wearing soft sleeper pants that are grey and the rest of him is bare. Gabe is guilty. Guilty for looking at PJ like this. The big feet, the hairless pecks and tiny muscles along PJ's abdomen, the blonde hair helmet. Not to mention the big, fat cock in PJ's pants pressing against the fabric as they're too tight to contain and PJ must know. He has to feel that.
"Oh. You're reading that too?" PJ asks, "It's a little dark for my taste. You look good."
PJ has been acting so weird since he came home. It's peculiar to Gabe. He's more than just nice, he's present, notices things, and very concerned with what Gabe is doing.
"Yeah no." Says Gabe, "Teddy is normal. I'm so very not... I've been reading things online that I shouldn't, getting growing teenager inappropriate thoughts and- and- acting like I'm not. Hence the Harry Potter look."
PJ shrugs, "I don't know, dude. Everyone's got a dark side. You're becoming studious- there's nothing wrong with that. You can still be dark and mysterious like you always have. Doing evil deeds just means you have to be quieter."
"I'm not evil... I don't think." Says Gabe as he rests down the book and leans against the banister, "I just like things I don't think I should."
PJ looks perplexed. Like he has something he wants to say but he's afraid.
"I know you're bisexual- I've known. You don't sleep next to someone for four years and not notice things. You say names in your sleep. It's kind of sad, though. When I'm in my dorm room my roommate will have sex dreams but he doesn't say names like you do. You say them like they're slipping away from you. There's this frightening cloud around you, lately. It's like you're being haunted." PJ hasn't ever spoken like this, is college actually making him smart?
Gabe turns and looks in the circular mirror on the wall behind him. He checks his short dark hair and adjusts the collar of his sweater but he can't seem to shake the frown. It's almost like defeat wafts over him.
"Last night you said my name-" PJ starts as he crosses the carpet to sit down on the couch pulling the blanket over his lap.
Gabe throws up a hand, "Since when are you so educated? You left for college a year ago and now you're saying intelligent words. I'm confused and I know that even a parrot can be taught to mimic but you're not a parrot. Can we talk about your change for a minute."
PJ sits up and the light of the christmas tree illuminates his face, "Can we talk about how you're still staring at my chest. If you want to touch Gabe, come here."
"W-wha- no. That's-" Gabe, now backing away, tries to look insulted but the sudden shock is too obvious. PJ said the thing.
PJ doesn't move from the couch. Instead he cuts on an episode of Grey's anatomy and Amelia Sheppard's voice fills the room as she does her monologue on how 'Life Will Out' and when the scene plays out he says calmly to the boy on the verge of a panic attack in the back of the room, "Gabe, you're a complex boy. Everyone in this family knows me. You're also a boy of science and philosophy. I, as your brother, am not allowed to judge you for your feelings, your desires, or the way your brain works. You're intelligent, smart, and sharing a space with you is delightful. If I've crossed a boundary- I apologize but if there are things you'd like to explore, or conversations you'd like to have I love you and I will be whoever you need."
There's snow falling outside. It's coming down in sheets. Gabe is cold.
Suddenly he wants to slip beneath the blankets with his brother PJ. He crosses his arms over his chest and his teeth chatter. It's wrong. Inappropriate even. Still he's climbing over the arm of the couch and slipping his bare feet in beside PJ's, his discarded socks and shoes are on the floor. PJ smiles at him and they both watch TV.
A few minutes pass and Gabe has worked his way in between PJ's legs and is pressing against PJ's chest. There's warmth here, a comforting feeling. He can hear PJ's heart beating. There's a pause and then PJ's hands find Gabe's neck and chin. Soon, soft quick kisses are finding his skin and then his dick gets hard.
This. Isn't. Happening. Is it?
There's a smile across Gabe's face and then he tilts his head back to let PJ molest his mouth with that pink, wet, tongue. It feels so wrong but so... necessary. Then cool, long fingers wrap around his cock.
PJ asks, "Should I stop?"
"Why?" Gabe whines to his big brother.
PJ nods, "Okay."
Then he's spinning. PJ's breathing hard and so Gabe is breathing hard. They're brothers, they shouldn't be kissing. But they are- and PJ is jacking me off, oh my god. The thick flesh of his tip is too big for PJ's fist to come up over and the shaft is long so PJ just squeezes around the veins and pumps him in a fast rhythm.
"...big brother..." Gabe mumbles.
PJ leans down to his ear, "No one's home."
"Big brother... Big Brother... BIG b-brother... BIG BRother... AHHH-a-a-ahhhhh!" and Gabe nuts all in the Christmas blanket.
PJ takes the blanket, wraps it up, and tucks it into his bookbag before zipping it up and he reaches over to unlatch a chest beneath the coffee table. He pulls out another throw blanket and throws it over them while Gabe pulls his underwear up over his lap. Then PJ just hugs Gabe and Gabe leans into the safety.
His older brother tells him, "I'll never pretend to understand how your mind works... but I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you so what every you want- whoever you want- I'm at your beck and call. I trust you. You're the smartest, and most wonderful person I know."
Gabe falls into the story of the episode and in a few minutes he perks up enough to ask, "What happened to you, at school. You've changed and I'm not stupid. I notice things too."
"You have such an old soul. You're even smarter than mom and dad, I've been home two weeks and no one but you has noticed." He says this and then nothing. Gabe's left alone with that but it's okay. They have each other and they don't care to fall asleep like this. Their family isn't one to judge one another. There's always been an underlying intimacy between them.
The sex thing, they'll have to hide. PJ will wash the throw when he's alone. No one will ask questions that are impossible. The sheer improbability will keep them safe. If only PJ would tell Gabe what happened. Christmas is soon. Then PJ goes back to college and back to whatever impossible secrets are there.