Hey everyone!
First of all, I'M SORRY.
I'm not giving up writing, or these stories, I have just been massively busy and still am.
I still wanted to run by and leave you this little update I hope you enjoy.
I'll try to keep posting soon!
Thanks for all your support!!
Happy Reading.
Xoxo,
Nina
Kim's apartment was dark and sewing how off his girl was, Adam decided to take over and open the door for her right before switching the light on and hanging her denim jacket on the hook next to the doorframe.
"Do you want me to get something for you? A glass of water? A beer? Anything?" He asked trying to hide his concern. Lucky for him, Kim was so deep into her thoughts she didn't pick that up, instead she just shook her head and smiled faintly.
"No, thanks. I'm fine." She started to walk away but suddenly stopped and looked at him. "I think I'm going to take a shower, ok?"
"Yes, go ahead. I'll be waiting for you with a movie. How does that sound?"
"Great."
She stood naked in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection for what felt like a lifetime.
No matter how hard she tried to focus on the beautiful pits of her body, or at least the ones she felt comfortable with, her attention kept going back to that one place she hated.
Her eyes shut, imitating what her fists were doing. Hate was such a strong word, but she really disliked that scar, not only because it made her feel self conscious, but also because it was a constant reminder of all the pain she went through and the pain that caused others, and even though she had talked to Adam about this and he had made his feelings about the whole thing very clear, Ian's words kept buzzing in her head like an annoying mosquito flying in circles around your ear in the middle of the night. But what if part of what he was saying wasn't all that delusional?
Kim was sure of Adam's love for her, she was. But at what point wasn't she being selfish? She wasn't the same person she was before the accident, and it wasn't fair for him.
She was being completely irrational and totally controlled by her fears. The anxiety that she used to feel right after the accident was starting to come back and she desperately needed to get out of that place.
Kim stepped into the shower, hoping the warm water would wash away those negative thoughts.
After quite some time she was ready to go back out of the bathroom and face her boyfriend.
"How was the shower?" He asked, looking at her from the comfort of her couch.
"It was nice. I needed it."
"I could sense that."
"Um, I'm gonna get some water, would you like some?" She said, trying to avoid the conversation.
"No, I'm good. Listen, do you want me to get some food? What are you in the mood for?"
"I'm not in the mood for anything in particular, actually."
She walked over and sat on the far end of the sofa, calling Adam's attention.
He raised one eyebrow and looked at her carefully. "What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, for starters it's 75 degrees outside and you're wearing pajama pants and I don't think you could have chosen a farther place to sit. Did I do something?"
"No. I guess I'm just tired. I keep saying I have nothing to do, but then when I do, I get exhausted."
"Um, ok." He slid closer to her. "And the pants?" He pointed down to her legs and Kim only shrugged.
"It's the first thing I found."
"Kim?"
"What?"
"Do you realize I am a detective, right?"
She didn't say anything, she just looked straight into his eyes, feeling how he had totally called her bluff.
"Where do you want to get to with that question?"
"I would love it if you would tell me what happened tonight."
"Nothing happened, Adam."
"Kim, come on. What did Ian do?"
"Nothing."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, he didn't do anything."
"Why is it that I'm not buying anything that you're saying?"
"I don't know Adam." She pressed her temples with her finger and closed her eyes. "Listen I'm really not in the mood and I don't think I'm fun company tonight, so if you want to go back to your place that's fine."
Adam sat straight up and looked at her in all seriousness. "Do you want me to go?"
"I'm just saying, we had different ideas for tonight and I'm not there right now."
"Kim, why do you think I'm in this relationship? Sure I love the fun and the sex but I'm also here for everything else."
"Everything? Really?"
"Kim what the hell happened?"
"Nothing happened. It's just something Ian mentioned and now I can't stop thinking about it."
"What is it now? Am I going to leave you for one of Gracie's friends' moms?" He asked, frustrated. He still didn't get over the first time Kim had brought up Ian's comments about him just playing and having fun with Kim. "I know I may not have the most clean past, but I put all that behind me a long time ago. I just don't understand why this asshole has anything to say about it or why he feels entitled to talk about us and our relationship." He put both hands on his knees. "I do actually, he still wants you."
"Adam."
"No, let's not pretend this is nothing. What happened?"
"Forget about it, it's stupid."
"It's not stupid if it makes you feel the way you're feeling and if it's coming in the way of us."
"No, seriously. Forget it. You're right."
"Why aren't you trusting me with this?"
"Because I'm embarrassed to even think about it." She paused. "I trust you, I know you love me."
"But?"
"But, this stupid thing." She pressed her thigh with her index finger. "I'm not what I used to be and what if you meet someone better and"
"Hold on. Is this about your leg? Really?"
"I guess I'm afraid a part of you is with me because you feel sorry or guilty or whatever."
"Ok." He took a deep breath. "I'm not gonna say I don't understand you, because I've been in the exact same spot, remember?" She nodded. "But let me put it like this, if tomorrow I go out on the field and get shot and end up in a wheelchair, would you leave me?"
"Adam, that's stupid."
"Yeah, just like what you're saying. So just answer my question. Would you leave me?"
"No."
"Why not? Because Belle, I won't be able to dance with you in our wedding, and I won't be able to play football with the kids. So why would you stay with me?"
"Because I love you."
"Really? It's not because you feel pity for me."
"Of course not. Adam, you're the person I want to share my life with."
"Ok, so why does that work for you but not for me?" He said as if he was stating the obvious.
"I see your point."
"Good." He took a deep breath. "I understand you, I do. And I will keep telling you how much you mean to me until the day I die, but you need to believe it, too."
"I do, baby. I'm sorry. I just let everything get to my head and I'm still trying to figure things out and, and I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize, Belle." He brushed her cheek with the back of his finger. "But talk to me when you're spiraling like that. We can always figure it out together." She nodded. "Do you still want me to go to my place?"
"I never wanted you to leave in the first place."
"Ok." He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. "Now, for the love of God please put on some shorts before you burn up."
"Fine." She got up to go to her room and find something more fresh to wear, but decided she needed to do something very important before disappearing. "I love you." A soft kiss surprised Adam's forehead.
"I love you too, Belle. And just to be clear it's alright if you're not in the mood for something we previously talked about. I'm always going to respect you."
"I know, just like I'm always going to respect you as well."
"And that's exactly why our relationship is so perfect."
She smiled at his loving words. "I'll be back in just a second."
"I won't go anywhere."
The rest of the night didn't exactly go as planned. They just watched a movie and cuddled, Adam knew that's what Kim needed and to be honest, being there for her, just sharing time and space with her made him happy.
The brunette just stayed tucked in his arms and took all that love and care in, pushing all her stupid fears away. She knew she had nothing to worry about, but that didn't stop her head from going to dark places, especially after hearing what Ian had to say. No, she wasn't putting Ian's words over Adam's. She trusted him completely not only with what he said, but with the way he made her feel. It's just that sometimes she worried if she was enough for him, or if the life they were building was really what he wanted. It wasn't until he spoke again that her monsters started to back down.
"So, my aunt called me today."
Kim shifted her body to look him straight in the eye, a soft smile showing in her face.
"What did she say?"
"She told me some numbers, but promised to send me all the specific details tomorrow, which of course I will share with you as soon as I have them."
"And what was your first impression of it all?"
"I think it's something we can do. Maybe we'll be a bit tight at first, but I totally think it's a possibility. We can see everything tomorrow and decide if that's the best option for us. You're still down for that, right?"
"Yes, of course."
"Ok, great. I was just making sure."
"I'm sorry, I should have never brought that up."
"No, I don't agree. I think you should always bring up anything that bothers you. That's what's so special about us, that's what makes this work. Promise me we'll always do this and talk about whatever it is that is bothering us." He held out his hand and showed her his pinky finger, making her laugh. "Hey don't laugh. This is a serious matter."
"I see. A pinky promise should never be broken."
"That's exactly my point right there."
"Ok." She hooked her finger with his. "I promise."
He leant forward to further seal their promise with a soft and tender kiss.
"I'm going to order some food, are you sure you don't want anything?"
"Hmm, Chinese?" She suggested scrunching up her nose.
"Egg rolls?"
"Yeeeess!"
He smiled at her enthusiasm. "On it." He got his phone and started to order.
The rest of the night was pretty perfect, although it didn't have much to do with their original plan. Food, cuddles and sweet displays of affection took over.
Nothing else happened, they just enjoyed being with each other and had a good rest, considering the following day was going to be pretty hectic.
Kim woke up to the subtle shift of Adam's body against the mattress.
"Good morning." Her voice was a bit croaky and full of sleep.
"Hey, Belle. Did I wake you?"
"Sort of, but I like waking up to you, so that works out for me." She shrugged and closed her eyes triumphantly, a fun smile on her face elicited a playful chuckle coming from Adam's throat.
"Big day today. How do you feel about your speech?"
"Well, it could probably be better but I did the best I could."
"I'm sure it's perfect. I can't wait to hear it."
"Don't expect too much, just in case." She laughed.
"Oh don't play it humble. You know you rock!" He turned in bed to face her. "Do you want me to pick you up and drive there together?"
"As much as I love that plan, faculty needs to be there before the families." She said bragging which made her boyfriend laugh. "What? We teachers also have some benefits. Besides, Kathleen wants to talk to me before, so I drive there myself."
"Ok."
"And then Gracie's party?"
"Hell yeah. I'll see you at school then."
"Yup. Was it too difficult to get out of work early?"
"Kind of. Platt totally saved my ass though." He sighed. "I wish I could skip out of work altogether."
"That bad, huh?"
"Awful. But I don't wanna think about that, I rather focus on the hot girl laying in bed next to me."
"Is that so?"
"Oh yeah!" She laughed at the way he pronounced thay, but her laughter was drowned by a moan as soon as his lips hit her the crook of her neck.
"Adam." Her whisper made all his senses tingle.
"What?"
"Maybe we should both focus on something good to start the day with the right foot."
"I think that's an amazing idea."
And starting the day on a positive note was exactly what they did.