The idea that I might finally get some answers, might finally have someone to talk to about the sixth sense that'd always been a part of my life was enough to have me completely distracted the rest of the school day. Alice, too, had the glazed over look that I'd seen in her eyes a few times while we were in art and on the way to my science class. Somehow, she dodged her way through the mass of students and Brute trash cans without hitting a single one.
With every passing minute, my nerves wound a little tighter. I learned about as much in science that day as I usually did in math without the help of Jasper. I was too busy trying to organize my thoughts and compile the most important things to ask or bring up during the short ride to the hospital from school. I'd only have about ten minutes, max. Would that be enough?
"Don't look so satisfied with yourself," Jasper rolled his eyes, but his voice was lighter, a little playful. "If you grin anymore, your face'll split in two."
He appeared beside me at the exact moment I spotted Matt standing near the doorway. His fingers twitched, either from having to walk so slow to keep pace with me or because he wanted to finish the work he had started on Matthew's face Saturday night. The fool had enough sense not to sit in his usual seat behind me, and instead found an empty desk on the other side of the room. Jasper took Matt's former seat, a development that I noted with mild curiosity.
As much as I liked Pride and Prejudice, my mind was elsewhere during the usual class discussion. I could feel both the angry glare from across the room and the prickling of my skin from being so near to Jasper. By the time the bell rang for school to dismiss that afternoon, my stomach was tied into a large knot, and there was a lump stuck in my throat.
"Are you feeling alright?" Mrs. Wallace asked from where she stood by the door as I exited with Jasper directly behind me.
"Yeah, I'm great!" I smiled and tried to swallow the lump that made talking, made breathing, such a laborious task. Outside, the cool, damp air helped to clear my mind a little. Across the lot, Angela waved her hand to get my attention, then pointed towards her car. She had been driving me to the hospital for work most afternoons and probably thought I'd be hitching a ride again. I had forgotten to tell her about Jasper, partly because it would bring up a few questions that I wasn't ready to answer. I would have to eventually, especially the questions about the night of the dance, but it'd have to wait until later. I pointed towards Jasper who had overtaken me on the way to a black vehicle that I hadn't seen him driving before. Angela tilted her head and furrowed her brow, then made the universal "call me" sign before turning away. Yup, she would sooo bust me later.
I carefully placed my things in the back of the very shiny, very expensive, looking Mercedes, then hobbled into the passenger's side. The leather still smelled new, and the interior looked immaculate, just like the Cullen house had. You'd never be able to tell that anyone had driven the car before today from looking at it.
Jasper silently slid into the driver's seat and started the car. The engine roared to life; I took a deep breath to try and right myself. He switched on the heater, even though the car hadn't had enough time to warm up. I hugged my torso for warmth and to keep all the jitteriness inside.
"So," I said, not sure where to start even though I'd been thinking about nothing else for the last few hours.
"So," he parroted back, then heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair, something that I'd noticed him doing when he was frustrated or particularly deep in thought. Like when I struggled to grasp a math concept (more than usual, that is). I took a deep breath and tried again. Hopefully I wouldn't completely fumble this.
"About our conversation in the library earlier. What were you going to tell me?"
The silence stretched out for an uncomfortable length of time. The longer it went, the more I became unsure about where this was heading. Maybe I'd been too presumptuous.
"I don't rightly know why or how it happens, but you ain't the only one that has some unexplainable…gift."
He hesitated, taking a second to glance my way and gauge my reaction. I tried to lift my eyebrows in what I hoped was an encouraging and hopeful expression.
"You called it pathokinesis, I've heard that name too. I don't rightly know when it started, but for as long as I can remember, I've been able to sort of sense the emotions of people around me, more than what's normal. It's a constant awareness."
I could hardly believe what I was hearing, that someone else shared a similar experience as me. However, if Jasper could sense all emotions of anyone around him at any given time, that meant…
"I can feel that too. You're embarrassed, but you shouldn't be. It is a little invasive at times, but I don't always know who the emotions are aimed at, just that they're there. For example, you've been on edge all day, and I thought it was because of Matt. But then you mentioned fighting with your sister, as well. The nervousness you feel towards her was easier to differentiate once I knew."
My cheeks warmed at all the emotions Jasper could have read from me in the last several weeks, though at least I wasn't the only one susceptible to his gift. Everyone's feelings were on display for him at school. Thank God he couldn't read my mind.
"I'll probably regret telling you this," he sighed again, like our conversation was taking a great effort. "I can also alter those emotions. It's usually not on purpose, but when someone is feeling an overwhelmingly negative emotion, it's hard to stop. Constantly feeling the emotions of others, especially when they're in pain, it can be…difficult not to assume those same feelings. Sometimes I have an influence without realizing it."
All of this information wawa starting to answer questions I had not only about our weird connection, but about Jasper in general.
"Is that the real reason you have so many migraines? Not because of some medical issue, but because it gets to be too much sometimes?"
He nodded his head, mouth twisting into a wry smile.
"That's partly true. I do have a medical condition that causes me to miss school often, but yes, the migraines are mostly bogus."
His medical records suddenly made a lot more sense. Either Carlisle knew, too, or Jasper had done a good enough job of faking to get by.
"Does your family know?"
"Yes. Does yours?"
I shook my head.
"Now it's your turn," he probed. I took a deep breath, preparing myself.
"It's not much different from what you've said. I've always been able to read peoples' emotions, but I've gotta be touching their skin to do it. Don't reckon I'm any more or less perceptive than anyone else without it."
He nodded again. "That's kind of what I'd figured."
We were now silent for a minute. The ride was coming to an end, and although I had gotten a lot more information than I'd hoped, there were more questions budding about what this meant for us.
"Whenever I've touched you, I get this real weird, kind of dizzying feeling. There's a lot of emotions swirling around, but I can't focus on one because they move too fast. You feel that, too?"
"Yes, I do."
"Any ideas on why that happens? I've never felt it before until I met you."
"My theory is that when you touch me, you feel all of the emotional stimuli that I feel. In return, I feel what you're now feeling, and it's like this emotional feedback loop that keeps going until we separate. What do you think?"
What he explained made a lot of sense based on the reaction that we had to each other's skin. I sat back in my seat and let out a large breath. It was unbelievable. What were the odds that I had met someone like me, after moving to the other end of the country? Were there more people that had a gift like this? Was it even truly a gift for Jasper, who could never turn it off? I felt grateful that I could at least find a reprieve at will.
We'd pulled into the hospital's parking lot; I was exceedingly aware of my disappointment, mostly because I now knew that Jasper could sense it, too. I suspected that I'd be aware of that from now on. A small price to pay for the information I'd gained.
"Have I answered all your questions?" Jasper put the car in park at a spot near the main entrance so I wouldn't have to limp very far. I turned to properly look at him for the first time since we'd gotten in the vehicle. I was never fully prepared to look at the Cullens — their unusual beauty could take your breath away. Despite that, I couldn't ignore the fact that Jasper looked unsettled; his jaw muscles were clenched ever so slightly and the knuckles of the hand that gripped the steering wheel were whiter than the surrounding skin. What was I supposed to make of that? Was sitting in a car with me uncomfortable for him? He had made it clear on several occasions that I was not his favorite person. Then again, on other such occasions, it became unclear.
"I do have one more question," I dug my fingernails into my palm to try and keep my nerve.
"Shoot."
"Why did you dance with me last weekend? I had the impression that you weren't my biggest fan."
I watched his face for any hints at what he was thinking. If only I could reach out with my pinky…no, now that he knew, he'd be careful to keep enough distance. Jasper's eyebrows pulled together just a smidgen, and he turned away.
"It was just a dance, Collins. Don't read too much into it."
Ouch. I wasn't sure why, but I hadn't been expecting that.
"Well, thanks for the ride. Your secret's safe with me." I reached to open the car door and climb out. The cloudy sky had opened up once again, letting down a persistent drizzle that soaked and chilled to the bone.
"That….that….bastard!"
I'd never heard Angela say anything more scandalous than 'heck,' but as I finished recounting the events of this weekend, she obviously couldn't hold back.
"I swear, the next time I see him, I'll–"
"Give him two black eyes, a broken nose, and a busted lip? Luckily for you, that's been taken care of."
I'd told her everything, well, except for the conversation Jasper and I had that afternoon. I'd promised to keep it between the two of us, no matter what he and I felt towards each other.
"I'm so sorry, Collins. You should have never had to go through that. Jess or I should have been paying better attention when you started acting differently, but I thought you were just getting tired and clumsy with your boot."
"It's fine, Angela. Really," I rolled over onto my back and propped my legs against the wall. "It's not your fault that Matthew turned out to be a total jerk. I honestly just want to forget that I ever met him. It'd be a lot easier to do that if he wasn't in one of my classes," I grumbled.
"Yeah, I know right? But at least you have Jasper to protect you," the teasing in her voice came through the phone loud and clear. "Is he giving you rides to the hospital now? Is it going to be a regular thing?"
"No ma'am, it most certainly will not. He just wanted to check on how I was feeling," I lied a little too easily. Unpacking the whole pathokinesis bond was more than she'd bargained for and more than I was ready to get into. Exposing Jasper would end up exposing myself too, and regardless, it wasn't necessary to out either of us like that.
Angela had to hang up early to help get her brothers ready for bed. I was thankful, as she was starting to insinuate that my relationship with Jasper was more than just student-tutor related. No matter how far from the truth that was, she wouldn't believe me no matter how much I denied it.
As I crawled into bed, the next step of my Cullen Operation was clear: figure out how to hide my emotions from Jasper Hale.