Happy Saturday everyone!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!

Here's a little update!

Xoxo,

Nina

Her phone hadn't stopped ringing, alternating between Sylvie and Adam.

Kim knew neither of the would cease calling until they got some sort of answer from her, so she grabbed the mobile device and typed a quick text to her friend.

Hey. Sorry I stormed out. I have a few things to sort out but I'm alright.

Love you

Sylvie answered immediately.

It's ok boo. Do you need me there?

No, Syl. Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow with a more clear head, ok?

That was the last text and for a while her phone left her alone.

She was torn between making herself a cup of tea or pouring a glass of wine, but alcohol easily won this battle.

Sitting on the couch, staring into nothing and thinking about everything, she nearly jumped when she read the knocking on her door.

"Kim, can I please come in?"

She didn't reply to his desperate sounding request.

"I know you're in there, we need to talk, please."

He was literally begging outside her door and by the tone of his voice she knew that he was feeling miserable.

Kim stood up, unlocked the door and went back to the couch and her glass of wine.

"Belle, thank you. Thank you so much."

As soon as he heard the click he stepped in the apartment, but the brunette didn't even turn to look at him.

"You had something to tell me. I'm listening." Her eyes were stuck to the glass and the maroon liquid in it.

Adam sat at the coffee table in front of her, to see if he would get her to look at his face but it didn't work. She was still concentrating on what her hands were holding.

He could only sigh, her indifference was killing him.

"Um, today when I was undercover, Tess volunteered to come along. Of course she nearly screwed up the whole case and almost blew our covers."

"Adam? I don't give a fuck about the case. Just tell me what happened with Saunders."

"She kissed me while we were undercover, in an attempt not to ruin the whole op. It was nothing, I swear a peck of the lips that's all it was and as soon as everything was over I told her not to do that again. That wasn't part of the cover." He was frustrated and hurt, and felt horrible for making Kim feel bad and she could sense all of that.

"And I've been feeling like shit ever since and the only thing I wanted to do was tell you the truth. Kim we were wired, everything's recorded, you can ask Kev, I can get the tapes, I have no clue what Saunders told you but believe me, that's exactly what happened."

"She likes you." Kim said softly.

"Well, I don't. I can't stand her since day one and you know it. Belle, please you gotta believe me."

"I do." She looked up slowly, but her eyes were still cold. "I understand, it's your job, things I don't necessarily like may happen while you're undercover. And I know you're an honest guy and I trust you and I know you wouldn't cheat on me."

He knew she wasn't done, so he just stayed there in silence, waiting for her to finish. "However." She took a deep breath. "Maybe we should take a break."

"What? Kim, I swear that stupid kiss was nothing. Gosh, I'm so pissed right now."

The feeling of Kim's hand on his knee helped him slow down a bit.

"Adam, this is not about the kiss." She scoffed. "It's not even about Tess, I mean I hate her right now but I know you probably do too." She shrugged.

"So what is it about then?"

Kim got up and went to the kitchen to refill her glass, Adam walking behind her. Once she poured the contents of the bottle she held onto the counter, not looking at him.

"It's about everyone in the past few days mentioning the fact that you never wanted to settle down, or that you should be having fun because that's what you really want to do."

"Everyone?"

She finally turned around. "Your aunt, Tess. For fucks sakes even Ian pointed out that you deserved something better."

"Tess? Tess, really? She doesn't know shit about me and my Aunt Esther hasn't seen me in I don't know how long. And don't even get me started on Ian." He stepped closer to her and looked deep into her eyes. "Kim, where is this coming from?"

"I don't want you to resent me, Adam." She snapped, as a lone tear started to roll down her cheek and he didn't even try to fight the urge to wipe the tear away with his thumb.

"Why would I do that?"

"All this time you've been worried about me being with you because I felt like I had to or something." She shrugged, shaking her head. "And I never thought that maybe you could be feeling just that."

"What on Earth are you trying to say, Kim?" He was frustrated and desperate because he truly didn't understand what she meant with this or where all this shit was truly coming from.

"I don't want you to feel guilty about what happened, about the accident. Don't deny it. I know for a fact that you feel responsible for the accident."

"I won't deny it. I feel responsible because I am. Nothing would have happened to you if it weren't for me, but that has nothing to do with my feelings for you or with me wanting us to spend the rest of our lives together."

"What if it does? What if you still wanna be the party guy and you're just doing this for me? Or even worse, what if you get bored of a settled down life together and realize that you actually never wanted this?" She was an emotional wreck, her tears hadn't stopped falling and she was truly scared, she was afraid of being stuck living in an illusion, but most of all, she didn't want Adam to be stuck in a life he didn't truly want.

"We were already going to spend two weeks apart anyway." She shrugged her shoulders, fighting her tears away. "Let's take a break. Do whatever you want, be Adam the party guy, have fun, go out, I don't know." Kim wiped her face with the heel of her hand.

"What about our plans? What about everything we've talked about? Does that mean nothing now? Gosh Kim, what about the house?" He was losing it, he couldn't believe that he was once more in a situation where he could potentially lose her. The woman he loved the most.

Kim laughed nervously when he mentioned the house. "There's another thing laughing at our faces." He looked at her as mmmmm trying to understand what she was talking about. "The house. Hasn't it crossed your mind that the lack of response is a clear sign that we're not supposed to do this?"

"No." He said firmly. "It only means that bureaucracy sucks. It always takes forever." He took a deep breath. "Kim, come on… this is crazy."

"Adam, I know you care about me. I really do. And I also know I love you, more than I ever imagined I would love anyone again. That's exactly why I want you to be honest with yourself and do what you really want despite me."

"This is bullshit." He ran his hand through his face. "You know it's bullshit and you know it right here." He said as he lightly pressed his index finger on the left side of her chest. "I don't want this and I don't think, or I don't want to think that you want it either. But I can't fight against you." He said totally crushed. "Goodbye Kim. Good luck on your trip."

He put his hands in his pockets and left her apartment and it wasn't until the door was locked behind him that she burst into tears.

The bullpen was the last place her wanted to be, but he had to do something productive with his time. Trying to sleep had been completely useless so he just left his place and headed early to work. Very early.

He felt as lost as he did when Kim was in the hospital, only this time everything was much more confusing and to make matters even worse, the next person read for duty was the one that he really didn't want to interact with.

"Is this a miracle? What are you doing here so early?" Tess said as soon as she saw him in his desk.

"Paperwork."

"I'm gonna get some coffee, do you want some?"

"Nope."

"What's wrong with you?" She asked as she approached him and sat at the edge of his desk, earning a killer look from him. "Tough night?"

Adam had no idea how her conversation with Kim had gone the previous night, but judging by her attitude right now, he could take a pretty good guess.

"My private life is none of your business, Saunders."

"Saunders? How formal of you. After yesterday's kiss I assumed you would be a bit more friendly."

"That's what usually happens when one assumes. You make an ass out of yourself. Besides, don't you know anything about undercover jobs, what happens there means nothing and for the record I don't kiss you and you know that. I don't even know what you were doing there in the first place."

"Voight told me to go." She said confidently.

"He did not. You volunteered."

"How do you know, you weren't even there."

"I'm a detective, I know a lot more than what you can imagine. By making that stupid move you jeopardized the whole case."

"Is that the only thing I jeopardized?" Her tone was turning seductive and Adam was only getting angrier.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I heard your girlfriend left Molly's pretty upset last night." She commented as she twirled a strand of hair between her fingers, while he just rolled his eyes at her.

"Don't flatter yourself." He stood up and started to walk down stairs to get some folder from Platt, but ultimately just wanting to get away from her. "And by the way, you have your own chair, use it and stay away from my desk."

He left and she couldn't believe that she had been turned down like that.

Sylvie didn't even wait for the phone call. Instead she was up and knocking on her friend's door as soon as she was free.

"I'm coming." Kim didn't even look through the peephole. In fact she didn't bother on doing anything for that matter since it was nearly one o'clock and she was still wearing her pajamas.

"Oh. You look like shit." The blonde said with all honesty as soon as her friend opened the door. "Care to tell me what's going on. Both Adam and you left like two lunatics yesterday and he didn't answer my messages from this morning, so I know something is wrong."

"Um. Long story short, Tess kissed him during the undercover op. She wants him, and was very upfront about it. That's why he was so weird."

"And what happened?"

"I asked him for a break."

"Wait, what?" Sylvie was as startled as Adam had been. "Did he say he was interested in this girl?"

"No. He can't stand her. I know the kiss meant nothing that was just a part of his job and he wanted nothing to do with it."

"So? Please explain because I don't follow."

"It's not about the kiss, it's more about what she told me in the bathroom. That he needed to be with a different type of woman, that he needed to have fun. Syl, Adam never wanted to be the settled down kind of guy, what if I'm pressuring him into something he doesn't even fully want?"

"Ok. Let me get this straight. This random woman tells you bullshit about the man you love, that you know much more than her, she tells you that she wants him and you walk away?"

"No. It's not only her."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No."

"Then who cares what everyone else thinks or says? Unless you think that, do you think that!"

"I don't know. I just don't want him to make the wrong decision because he feels guilty about my accident."

"Kim, no offense, but you didn't see him when you were in the hospital, I did. That man was by your side every waking second. He's crazy about you and loves the living hell out of you."

"And for that exact same reason don't you think he deserves to decide freely what he wants?"

"He wants to be with you, Kim and you want to be with him. You know I love you like a sister and that I will always back you up, but I can't believe you're letting him go without a fight. Not even, because you don't even need to fight against anything, you're just giving up and letting stupid comments said by people who don't know the next thing about your relationship with him get to your head. And as much as I can understand you, and understand that the anxiety caused by everything you've been through is playing a crucial role right now, I think you screwed up this time."

Ouch.

Kim wasn't expecting that brutal honesty, but it was probably the exact thing that she needed to hear.

It was true, she was feeling the anxiety take control of her, she was scared, terrified and felt mortified because she hadn't given herself the time to cool down and communicate with him.

Also, a part of her was sure of what she had done. She loved him deeply and she knew he did too, but was all that commitment what he really wanted?

Those thoughts haunted her for days, and even in Maryland where she thought she was going to be distracted and focusing on her job, all she could think about was Adam.