DISCLAIMER:This fanfiction will follow its timeline, however, I've tried to stick to the movie timeline as much as possible. It must be noted that this story is rated M as there will be some explicit content mentioned later in the story (depictions of sexual intimacy, and also mentions of rape and abuse) but forewarnings will be provided at the beginning of the respective chapter.

It must be noted that I don't own any of the Marvel characters or anything affiliated with the Marvel Universe. However, all OC and original content have been created by me.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"The One with the Start of Talks"

[ALTERNATING POVs]

Placing the peony on the cocktail table in front of her, Lilah could feel James thinking as he settled in opposite her. As he waved a waiter over to them, Lilah continued to take him in. Having swapped his grey t-shirt from earlier for a crisp white one, the glow from the fairy lights above them made the colour from James' eyes shine with a depth of a limpid ocean blue. His gaze flittered between Lilah and the waiter who was taking their drinks order, "…and what would you like to have, miss?" the waiter said looking over to her. Both the waiter and James turned to Lilah waiting for her order. The moment hung for a second but Lilah recovered, "Um, a gin and tonic, please, heavy on the ice and lemon," she rattled off to the waiter, adding a quick 'thank you' at the end. Hoping that her moment of zoning out wasn't overly evident, Lilah quickly picked a topic of conversation to get them started as the waiter peeled off and left them alone. "So, you're staying at the Avengers Compound, right?" she asked. James leaned in closer on the cocktail table, watching her lips to ensure he didn't miss a word of her question over the music playing in the background. "Oh yeah, most of the time, but that was because of the access to the gym," He explained with a smirk, relaxing back to a more natural position, "but I recently found myself spending more time at Steve's place, it's comfortable and he has the extra room and honestly it's homelier," he added, "He actually asked me to move in with him earlier this week, but I don't know … I'm still deciding," Lilah gave a thoughtful smile and raised her eyebrows. Watching her roll the peony stem between her thumb and index finger, Bucky exhaled and studied her face, "What do you think?" he asked. Lilah's head snapped up and her expression tried to go blank, "Oh no, no, no, you don't want my opinion," she begged with a limp smile and creased her eyebrows. Bucky snorted a laugh at her need to get out of giving her view. "It's okay, I'm not pushing," he said, "I just thought I'd get someone else's perspective," Holding her gaze for a breath, Lilah noted as James stayed silent – waiting for her opinion; he actually wanted her opinion. Lilah curled in her lips, to swallow her smile and then looked back up at James, "Fine, but you asked for it," she warned.

"Look, I'm not denying that the Avengers Compound doesn't have its obvious perks, I mean a fully kitted gym is one of those benefits and a medical team at your fingertips – I mean, pfft, who wouldn't take advantage of that," Lilah rolled her eyes and oozed sarcasm with every word. James smiled as he listened to her talk. The waiter had brought their drinks and they were getting comfortable the more they bantered around the topic of his living situation. As for Lilah, just as predicted by Holly and Sophia, it was clear that the alcohol she consumed tonight was starting to show and allowed her to loosen up a little.

She continued, "Frankly and quite personally, I would take full advantage of Stark's small but highly valuable library of first-edition novels, but that's just me," she paused picking up her hands in a mock surrender gesture, earning a raised eyebrow from James. He made a mental note to quiz Stark or Pepper about this super-secret library. "However," she went silent for a pause and then leaned in slightly, "it's not every day you get the opportunity to reconnect with a friend and Steve is not just any old friend, James." Bucky stared at Lilah as if she had just told him a great secret – but he knew she was right.

"You and Steve have a bond that transcends, dare I say decades, but now, it's so much more than that," Lilah said as she looked back at James, her eyes softening with an honesty that you could only get from someone who knows you. Truly knows you. "Look change is never easy for anyone and I understand that you may have the added challenge when it comes to … trust," Lilah spoke slowly and carefully, choosing her words very cautiously. James stared down at his whiskey glass, as Lilah continued, "But you guys are like brothers and even though other factors were at play, memory loss for example," she let out a short, little air of laughter, "that bond and friendship is still so strong. So trust in that with Steve. He hasn't steered you wrong so far, right?" James stared up at Lilah. Was the answer really just that simple?

"Huh," Bucky pondered on the notion, "I guess you're right. Steve really is the one person I trust most around here," Lilah's face brightened as she watched him reflect and reconsider this new viewpoint. "You see! There you go. Take the plunge," she said with a little gusto in her voice, "and I think moving away from the compound will do wonders for your ... psyche – for a lack of a better word," she added with a chuckle. Bucky crinkled his nose at the word 'psyche' which was too hippie for him. "Not to sound overly doctor-ish, but a change in your routine, environment, and everyday interactions might help, expand that circle of trust," Lilah said, gesturing a growing circle with her hands. Bucky silently nodded in agreement as he watched her give a comforting smile and pick up her gin to take a sip.

Suddenly, in this moment with Lilah, Bucky couldn't help thinking back to something his therapist had said at their session earlier this week. Learning to read the moment is as important as learning to read people. Of course, Bucky thought his therapist was off her rocker, but now, sitting here opposite Lilah, he knew he needed to have a difficult conversation with her. He knew this was the moment. He could feel it. Closing his eyes shut, he quickly took a sip of his own drink and started talking immediately. "Hey, speaking of expanding my 'circle of trust'," Lilah's attention was back on James as his eyes reopened and he looked from his glass, straight to her, "Were you … Were you ever in … my circle … before?" James finally found the words to complete the sentence, but Lilah's blank stare and silence were almost bone-chilling. She knew James could see her gulp her sip down deeply, but she hoped the ice chip dancing around her mouth was well concealed. This is it, Lilah. The moment you've been dreading all these years. No, this isn't the time or the place! This isn't how this conversation was supposed to go. Her glare now firmly locked onto her glass in front of her, Lilah began to shake her head, on the verge of retreat when James spoke up again, "I just need to know, please Lilah,".

Hearing this snapped something in Lilah. It was so strange and almost breaking to hear the pleading in James' voice. But when he said her name … the way he said her name. It was like she was 18 years old again and back in the clinic and all he wanted was for her to read one more chapter from Persuasion. It was making her insides fizz.

Lilah looked up at James, desperate not to give into his begging eyes, and then drooped her head a fraction, averting her gaze for a moment to gather her courage for what she was about to walk into, and then looked back up at him pityingly, "Yes … I'd like to think so." She watched as James released a deep breath he had been holding in while waiting for her to reply.

[BUCKY POV]

It was as if a bottle of marbles had been dropped onto the floor and shattered, sprawling questions everywhere and, it was up to him to make a choice; help her pick up the marbles or turn and leave.

Bucky held the rim of his drink and continued to rotate the glass in measured increments – left and right – as if he were figuring out the combination on a safe. Contemplating how he would take the conversation forward, a heavy silence now settled between them. Bucky knew the only way Lilah would understand his perspective, would require him to start from the beginning and explain himself thoroughly.

"So, I've been going to therapy ever since, well my return, and I've been working through a lot of stuff to get me reintegrated into society," Bucky launched into the standard monologue he had been giving out recently on his 'making-amends-tour'. It literally quoted lines from the Avengers Council reports and actually made him nauseous to know that he was having to regurgitate this statement to Lilah, "and part of that therapy has been to – where possible –right some of the wrongs I have made in the past," James slowed down here and let Lilah take in his explanation. He finally looked up at her and saw that she was quietly considering all that he had said so far.

Bucky desperately wanted to look Lilah in the eye for the rest of the conversation but realised that no good would come from that. She looked like how he felt right now; like a crumbling statue. Looking down at the table, he continued, "Look, Lilah, Steve told me that you and I do have a … history of sorts," Lilah's head jerked up suddenly, her attention perked at his words, "He did? What did he tell you?" she asked. Her immediate response and question only intrigued Bucky more. "Just that we have history and that if I want more information, I should talk to you," Bucky said with a subtle shake of his head. At this response, Bucky swore he saw Lilah's shoulders visibly deflate, with her gaze returning to the glass in front of her. Keep going, Bucky told himself. "But that's why I'm here, Lilah," James tilted his head down a little to recapture her line of sight, "Please, Lilah, you need to tell me if there was something – anything – that I did or said to hurt you. I need to-" James was abruptly cut off by Lilah who said with a firmness that scared even her, "No!"

Author's Note:

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