Lover
Conrad:
"Morning."
A voice says from behind me as I pour coffee into my Simpsons mug.
I turn around to find my mom reading a book on the couch with a blanket draped over her in the living room. I fake a smile and I nod to acknowledge her then I turn back around to continue to pour my morning coffee. I had been so lost in thought I hadn't seen or heard her. I had been living in my head for most of the summer though. This summer wasn't a happy one.
Her phone lights up and she sets the book down to check it. She smiles. It's a text from Laurel.
"Hey honey, can you make sure all of the beds are made?" Her voice sounds extra tired today and it concerns me as she yawns. "They're almost here and I have a headache."
I nod quietly then I turn back around to face her. My mom didn't look as tired as her voice sounded. She looked normal as if it was any other day. But then again, cancer can fool you.
"Do you really have a headache?" I tease her as I bring my mug to my lips. "Or do you just want to get back to your romance novel?" I eye the book in her lap with a smirk.
"Hey." She shoots me a look and we both laugh.
She sends a quick text then she sets her phone back down. She opens the book back to the page she left off on and I watch her face as she reads it. My mom was beautiful to me at that moment. I knew one day I would look back on moments like this and miss them. I'd miss her.
"You know, I don't know why people say romance is dead." She sighs as she flips the page over. "This story is pretty great."
She winks as she says it but her comment makes me sad because I knew what was going on in my parent's marriage. They were separated but they didn't know that I knew that.
"Probably because that kind of love doesn't exist." I shrug. "It's unrealistic."
I can feel her eyes on me as I drink my coffee and I keep my eyes on my mug.
Then she says, "Of course it exists, Connie."
"Or maybe that's what they want you to believe so they can keep selling you those stories." I smirk at her.
My mom folds the book over on her lap and she crosses her arms, studying me. She looks like she is about to say something important but my brother beats her to it before she can.
"Good morning!" Jere steps into the living room and he says it in a sing-song tune.
"What are you reading today?" He kisses our mom on the forehead then he picks up the book she is reading. He takes one look at the cover then he throws her an amused look. "Really?"
Our mom swats his hand away as she takes her book back then she just laughs, shaking her head at us. "Since when did I raise such pessimistic boys?"
Jere just laughs as he walks into the kitchen to grab a banana from the fruit basket.
"Hey, I'm the golden retriever, remember?" He winks at our mom then he leans back against the counter and nods back at me. "Connie's the pessimist in this family."
I roll my eyes as I continue to drink my coffee. But my brother wasn't wrong though. This summer I kind of was. I hadn't been myself for months but how could I be? This summer was different from all of the others. Everything in my life was falling apart. Everything had been turned upside down within a matter of months. There wasn't much room for happiness. There was no light or color. I was stuck living the same day over and over again in black and white.
They continue to chat as I make some cereal for breakfast and finish my coffee. Jere brings up a trip he wants to take with her next summer to visit college campuses and I watch my mom's face fall as she makes plans she might not be around for. Jere doesn't notice the change in her face but I do. I notice everything and it kills me. I look back down at my cereal bowl. The thought of our mom not making it to next summer makes me lose my appetite altogether. I get up to rinse out my cereal bowl and my mug in the sink, trying to not let my thoughts consume me.
"I'm going to go make the beds." I say without making eye contact as I leave to go upstairs.
When I get to the stairs, I hear my mom whisper to Jere: "Does Connie seem a little off to you?"
"Not really." Jere snorts. "He seems like normal moody Conrad to me."
Our mom laughs then she sighs. "I don't know. He's just been in such a bad mood lately."
"Relax, mom." Jere brushes it off. "He's probably still pouting over his break up with Aubrey."
Our mom nods as she takes a moment then she says, "I didn't think they were that serious."
And she was right. We weren't. Aubrey and I were never anything serious.
"You never know with Connie." Jere sighs, sitting down next to her. "Sooo. I was thinking about applying to Finch in the spring so we could tour-" My brother starts and I shake my head as I tune out the rest.
I quietly walk up the steps of the stairs pretending like I hadn't overheard their conversation.
Every summer before the Conklins would arrive my mom would have everything ready. She would stock the pantry with all of our favorite foods. She would get the pool and towels all ready to go. And she would make all of the bedrooms come to life. But this year was different. I was taking on more of the chores. I did my best to pick up after my brother and I. To wash our dishes. To help put away laundry. To help around the house. I just didn't want our mom to expend any unnecessary energy where she didn't have to. I knew she hired maids but I didn't care. I just wanted to make her life easier in every way that I could. I just wanted her to be able to enjoy the summer and to be able to rest. I wasn't sure if this one would be her last.
After I make Laurel and Steven's beds, I find myself in Belly's bedroom last. My eyes wander around her room as I make her bed. It looked exactly the same. It even smelled like her which was oddly comforting. From the calico wallpaper to the canvas beach art and to her swimming goggles, it had Belly written all over it. It was nice to see one thing hadn't changed this summer. My eyes land on the glass unicorn sitting on her bureau and Junior Mint sitting on her dresser. Two gifts I had gotten for her over the years. I find myself smiling at them fondly. Belly's room had always been a happy place. It was full of life and color. Just like her.
An hour later, I'm outside working on chores my dad kept promising my mother he would get to but of course he never did when I hear a familiar car pull into the driveway. It's not long until I hear the famous Conklin honk. They did it every summer to announce their arrival. I probably had the sound memorized by heart now. It is shortly followed up by mom's voice: "They're here!"
I wipe the beads of sweat from my forehead as I stand up and I grab a towel from a lounge chair to dab the rest. I throw on my gray hoodie over my white t-shirt and I run a hand through my hair as I look at my reflection in the pool. I wasn't sure why I suddenly cared so much about my appearance now that they were here but here I was caring about it. I take a deep breath.
I walk around the house to greet the Conklins and I can hear my mom and brother greet them with hugs and laughter as I get closer. I'm adjusting my gray hoodie as I approach the driveaway and when I look up, a pair of chocolate eyes bear into mine greeting me first.
And that's when I see her.
The most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.
Ever known.
And my world never is the same after that moment.
Everything around us slows down in an instant. And all I see and all I know is her.
Belly.
(Lover by Taylor Swift starts to play in the background)
And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear
Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?
For the first time in months, my world isn't black and white. It's screaming with color. The color of her eyes. The color of her hair. The color of her complexion. The sunlight illuminates her and just the sight of her literally takes my breath away. It's like my vision had never been more clear. It's like I had woken up from a deep sleep. The space between dreaming and awake and into consciousness. It's a slow process, but when you're awake, there's no mistaking it. There is no mistaking the effect and power she had on me.
She smiles as her eyes put mine under her spell and I smile back with a rising feeling in my chest. A feeling I had felt for her before but this time it was ten times stronger. More permanent. It was like I had spent the past few months holding my breath underwater and now that she was here I could finally breathe again. My body lets out a breath, feeling relieved and captured by her all at once. It was like my eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing. It's like they couldn't believe she was real. And her beauty scared me because it felt like everything in my life was changing this summer. Had the girl I'd known my whole life changed too? Was it selfish of me to want her to stay the same forever? Time speeds up back to normal as I walk over to her first.
"I liked you better with glasses" is the first thing I end up saying to her.
She had given up glasses for contacts and I couldn't stop looking into those chocolate eyes. I was hypnotized. Enchanted by them. I had always noticed them under her glasses but right now they were so sweet and so dazzling it was difficult to look away. I couldn't even if I wanted to.
"Too bad." She tilts her head at me, teasing me right back. "I like me better without them."
Her newfound confidence makes me even more attracted to her and it is pure torture. How can someone just stand there and look so beautiful without trying? Wow. I smirk at her. Just wow. I reach out to playful ruffle her hair like I had done all of the summers before and she just laughs, dodging my hand. Her laugh is my favorite sound and I reach out to get her to laugh again.
"Hey, hey! Guys, guys!" Steven interrupts our little moment and he walks over with Jeremiah. "I mean, I don't know about you but." He laughs. "Well, I-I think it's time for a-" Steven looks down at an imaginary watch on his wrist and Jeremiah joins in on the fun.
"Belly Flop!!" They shout in unison.
Steven grabs Belly before she can get away but she somehow breaks free and she takes off running towards the back gate. They go after her but I'm faster. I run over to her and I wrap an arm around her waist to catch her. There was no way she was getting it out of this summer. It was tradition. No way. We would never be too old for this kind of fun. I find myself laughing for what felt like the first time in months as I pick her up then Jeremiah and Steven each take a leg.
"Belly Flop!" The three of us joke as we carry her through the open gate and when we reach the pool we start swaying her body back and forth. We count down: "One. Two. Three!"
We launch her into the air above the pool and she screams before she hits the water. It felt good to share a laugh with my brother and Steven as we watch her. Summer didn't start until the Conklins were here. Until she was here. Summer wasn't summer without an official Belly Flop.
Jeremiah teases Belly when she finally emerges from the water. "How's the water?"
"Guys, I hurt my ankle." Belly pouts. She puts up a hand for someone to help her. "Come on."
"Yeah. I got you." I walk towards the pool without hesitation to help her.
I lean down to offer her my hand but she takes advantage of my kindness. Belly uses all of her strength to launch me into the pool with her and I grunt as I fall headfirst into the water. I should have seen it coming. She is laughing with her back turned to me trying to swim away when I break the surface of the water to look at her in betrayal. She knew I would get her back for that.
"Belly!" I say with water dripping into my eyes.
She just laughs harder and I spin her around to face me before she can swim away this time. Then when I have her right where I want her, I dunk her by the shoulders to get back at her.
Belly and I share a moment of stillness underwater. Our arms hold onto each other as our bodies sink and on the way up, I open my eyes to look at her. I find myself staring at her beauty. At her lips. I find myself wondering what it would be like to kiss her right here right now. It wasn't the first time a thought like that had crossed my mind but it was the first time I had thought about acting on it. Our faces are inches apart and I lean in closer but Belly breaks the surface of the water before I can even think to act on my thoughts. I was still holding onto her though.
"Let go." She says to me and I obey her, splashing her before we swim away from each other. And the moment we shared underwater is gone.
I spend the rest of the day catching up with Steven but I also spend it trying to figure Belly out in my head. She was different this summer. Not just physically too. I had picked up on it within the first hour. I guess we were all different though. We were all growing up. None of us could stay the same forever. We weren't kids anymore. But it felt like there was a disconnect between us. Like she was too cool for me now. Like she didn't need me anymore and I was having a hard time with that for some reason. I knew she wasn't a little kid and I didn't need to baby her nor did I want to baby her but I just felt a great need to be around her. A need to protect her. To look out for her. She would get a lot of attention from guys this summer and just the thought of that sets my teeth on edge. I knew none of them would be good enough for her. But then I kick myself for caring so much in the first place. What was my problem? What was I even doing?
I'm in my bedroom grabbing something when I hear Belly and Jeremiah talking below as they walk down to the beach. They always swam in the ocean the first day she got here. It's not like this was a new thing but I find myself watching it all happen from my bedroom window with sadness. They start to get further away and I can't hear what they are talking about. Then Belly drops her towel and she starts running towards the beach. Jeremiah chases after her. When they hit the water, he grabs her and launches her into the ocean. Waves of envy hit me as I watch them laugh together. I find myself wishing I could spend time alone with her like that. That I could have a fun summer like they were too. But I didn't have the luxury of having a normal and fun summer. Not when I was the only person who knew the truth about our mom.
"Hey man." Steven pops his head in my bedroom. "Still down to play video games?"
"Sure." I say as I turn away from the window, welcoming the distraction.
It was nice to catch up with Steven. We had always gotten along like brothers. He truly was like a brother to me. And he didn't cheat at video games like Jere sometimes did. He was actually pretty good at them. Probably even better than I was. Steven was a smart and driven guy.
We are playing our favorite race car game we had played since we were kids in the living room when Jeremiah and Belly come back inside. They are laughing about something and it takes everything in me to not look back at them in the kitchen. They crack open some sodas and my brother makes some flirty comments directed at her. Steven turns around and he tells him to not flirt with his sister but we all knew that was just my brother's personality. Jeremiah was a social butterfly. Even our mom had labeled him as the golden retriever of the family. Besides, I tried to not let it bother me too much because Belly wasn't reciprocate his flirting anyways.
After they finish their sodas, she tells him she is going to go upstairs to take a shower before dinner. I hear her footsteps approach the couch Steven and I are sitting on and when she passes us, my eyes follow her as she walks down the hall. Her long and soft brown hair is wet against her back and she has a towel tied around her waist, covering most of her swimsuit. She was already starting to get a tan on her shoulders. As she passes the mirror on the wall, I see that the sun had kissed her nose too. There were a few new freckles there. I smile and the same feeling in my chest from earlier returns. I had always known Belly was special but this summer she had no idea the effect she had on people. The effect she had on me. I suck in a breath as I admire her as she walks over to the stairs. It was like I was stuck in a trance.
Steven clears his throat loudly next to me and my eyes quickly switch back to the video game. Jere joins us in the living room and he teases me as he pries my controller from my hands since I had made us lose the race. I can feel Steven's eyes on me but then he looks away to play the game with Jere. He had caught me. It wasn't the first time Steven had caught me looking at his sister over the years though. He never did bring it up and I wasn't sure why since he would always get on Jere for flirting with her but it wasn't the first time he had caught me admiring her in that way. No, I think I had always looked at Belly like that.
For as long as I could remember, Belly had always been special to my family and I had always wanted to be around her because she was everything good. Who wouldn't want to be around a person like that? Her personality was infectious. She had the prettiest smile I'd ever seen. She was walking and talking sunshine. She had this glow about her that made it hard to look away. She was that one crush that just never went away. That one person I didn't trust myself around. I knew this summer I would have to be careful. I was carrying a lot of secrets. I knew I'd have to keep my distance but now that she was here I just couldn't stay away. I couldn't even look away. The little girl I had known my whole life was growing up and I found my stares lingering longer than they should. It was the summer I could no longer deny it to myself. I could no longer deny what I was feeling and who my heart was wanting. What was happening to me?
Author's Note: Leave a song request in your review or DM me! These mini fanfics are just for fun :) enjoy!