The next six weeks go by in a blur. The antidepressants and continued appointments were helping. Jay still felt a bit numb, still had bad days, but he also had good days, days where he wanted to do things. He was starting to believe that the world could be better with him in it.
Zane and Cole and Pixal often go out for many hours at a time with bullshit excuses, or even no excuse. He didn't care. If they needed a break from him, he was glad they were getting it.
His training with Kai was starting to feel much closer to how it was when he first got asthma. It was working, and he was getting stronger. He could even run a couple laps of the courtyard without dying, which was nice. Still pathetic compared to how he was last year, but nice.
He goes out to find Kai for the day's training. "So what are we doing today?" asks Jay.
"A test." Says Kai with a cheeky grin on his face.
"A test?" Says Jay, feeling his heart fall. "Does that mean you're leaving again?"
"What, no, um, this is a different test." He clears his throat. "For this test you need to walk 200 laps of the courtyard, before sunset, without having an asthma attack. You can take as many breaks as you need."
Jay frowns. "Why?"
"To see if you can."
"Yeah, but why?"
"Um, well, it's a surprise." says Kai nervously.
Jay rolls his eyes and starts walking. "Fine, but you better be keeping count. This sounds so boring I might just cheat."
It was an endurance test, they wanted to see if he could walk a long distance in a single day, that meant they were planning on taking him somewhere, but where? He did the math in his head, 42 steps to do a lap, 200 laps was 8,400 steps.. Equivalent to roughly 7km. Piece of cake. After about 30 laps he stops, leaning on the wall for support.
"Hey, come sit down!" Says Kai from his spot on the stairs.
"I'm not quitting." Says Jay defensively.
"I know, but you're allowed breaks, come and have some water."
He goes and sits down next to Kai, he had been so confident at first, but now 200 laps felt like a long way.
"You're going too quickly." Says Kai as Jay sips his water. "This isn't a test of speed, there are no bonus points for getting it done quickly, hell I'm not even timing it." Jay frowns, he didn't realise he had been rushing. "Make a plan and stick to it, schedule breaks, pace yourself." Jay nods, taking another minute before getting up and continuing his walk.
He takes a short break every 20 laps, drinking water, having a snack. Walking a bit slower was helping too. His lungs hadn't given up on him yet, although he was still coughing every now and then.
Almost 3 hours later he finished, Kai shooting up a fireball in celebration. "Woo hoo! You pass!"
Jay smiles, feeling a small sense of pride. "So, what do I win? What's the surprise?" He asks.
"You have to wait until the weekend for that." Says Kai with a grin. "So rest up until then, ok?"
Three days later Cole and Wu are packing up a couple of picnic baskets in the kitchen. Zane had informed Jay to get dressed into his gi. It feels strangely foreign, like he doesn't deserve to be wearing it right now, but everyone else was, and he did pass the test.
"Weather forecast?" Asks Kai, while applying sunscreen.
"0% chance of rain." Declares Zane.
Kai nods an affirmative before flinging the sunscreen at Jay. Jay fumbles it, but does manage to catch it before it hits the ground. So they were going somewhere outdoors.
"Am I allowed to know where we're going yet?" Asks Jay.
"No!" says everyone cheerfully. Jay sighs, spreading the sunscreen over his freckled face.
The lift activates, Jay looks over in confusion, everyone is already here? Lloyd steps out in his green gi. "Sorry I'm late, I thought you might have left without me."
"Now there's a sight for sore eyes!" Says Kai, "Green Bean is back."
"It's only for today!" Says Lloyd, face flushing.
Jay slinks up beside him. "Lloyd, do you know where we're going?" Whispers Jay.
"Actually I don't." Says Lloyd with a shrug. Jay passes him the sunscreen with a sigh.
Once everyone is ready they pick up the picnic baskets, and head out the main gates of the monastery. Jay had been imagining amusement parks, a festival in the city, an excursion to the forbidden forest, but it looked like they were just going for a walk. He sighs with a smile. As Kai always says, you gotta start small. He hadn't been on a single walk since the fall. Not outside of the monastery's walls. A small knot twisted in his stomach. But he was with his friends, what could possibly go wrong?
"I don't remember there being so many benches out here." Says Jay as the team takes a short break. Zane passes around water bottles after giving them a cooling touch.
"They're new." Says Cole proudly.
Oh. That's what they had been doing. For me. The knot twists a little tighter.
They continue on and eventually come to a fork in the road. Jay frowns, it looks like his turnoff, the one that went to one bar lookout, but that turnoff was barely a scratch in the side of the hill, with three rocks stacked so he wouldn't miss it. This turnoff was a fully formed path, and had not just a seat, but a wooden shelter large enough for two people to huddle underneath, protected from the rain. The knot grows as Cole starts leading them down the newly widened path. Jay freezes and Lloyd bumps into him.
"Jay, are you alright, do you need a rest?"
Jay shakes his head, looking frantically between his friends, trying to figure out how many of them are in on it. "Do we, do we have to go that way?" He asks.
Cole puts down his picnic basket and comes over to Jay, putting a hand on his shoulder. "There's something really special I want to show you, but it is this way." He says, gesturing to the path.
Jay looks down at his feet, rubbing his own arm. "I dunno.." he says quietly.
"You can do this." Says Cole warmly, "You have backup."
Jay frowns. His therapist did say something about going back to confront where it had happened. He had dismissed the suggestion because of his physical limitations, but here he was, opportunity right in front of him. I'm getting better. I can do this. He nods. "Ok."
Zane decides to take the lead and the team starts moving again. Now Cole is directly in front of Jay. He hears muffled voices from behind him.
"Is this where?" whispers Lloyd.
"I dunno, maybe?" says Kai.
So they weren't all in on it. The knot churns.
Soon the slope gets steeper, but the path doesn't narrow. The hill has been cut away slightly to allow the path to widen. Timber planks, and metal rods help to stabilise the path on the low side, there is even a handrail running along the steepest sections. They turn the corner, and the view opens up.
"Wow, look at the view!" says Lloyd. "Is that Jamanakai village?"
The knot in Jay's stomach twists as he tentatively approaches the handrail, and looks down the cliff. He tries to find the tree that had caught him, but everything looks so different. The scar of the landslide was gone, Cole had done some significant earthwork in the area. There were a couple trees that looked possible. Or was it that one further down? Surely I didn't fall that far.. He feels sick, and takes a step back to get away from the edge and lean against the cliff. He needed the reassurance of solid ground. That's when he notices the cave, carved of stone and recessed into the cliffside, a small stone seat inside, another place to take shelter from the rain.
He jumps a little when Cole places a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "You alright?" Cole asks gently.
"Yeah, well, no." says Jay quietly. He turns, burying his face in Cole's shirt. He wanted to hide, to cry, but not in front of everyone.
Cole wraps an arm around him, guiding him to the little seat. "Why don't you all go on ahead?" Says Cole to the others.
"Sure, um, we'll see you soon." says Kai. There is the sound of footsteps, and then they are alone.
Jay sobs, unable to hold it in any longer, still hiding his face in Cole's shirt.
Cole squeezes him gently. "You're ok. It's ok. I've got you."
The memories come flooding back. Sitting in the rain, shivering, so much shivering, the cave Cole had made him, so much similar to the one they were in now.
"I was so scared.." he gasps, muffled into the shirt.
Cole wraps his other arm around him. "I know."
"I could have died.."
"But you didn't." Cole sighs, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you come back here."
Jay peels his face off of Cole's chest and shakes his head, tears slowing. "No, it's ok, I wanted to face it." He sniffles, then has a small coughing fit as he wipes his face on his sleeve. "You didn't need to do all this for me.." he says, gesturing to the cave and the path.
"I did it for me." Says Cole. Jay frowns. "Well, a bit for you I guess." Says Cole while scratching his head. "I've felt so helpless, watching you, seeing you struggle, I didn't know how to help, I can't fix all your problems, I really wish I could, but I just can't. I can fix this, I needed something that I could fix." Cole pauses, letting out a big sigh. "It's ok if you never want to come back here again, I won't be offended, but Zane said that every single walk you took you always came this same way. He said you had found your happy place. I saw it too, the smile in your eyes, the spring in your step. Whenever you came back from your walks, you looked happy. It's the last time I can remember seeing you look truly happy.. I just wanted you to know that you could come back here, if you wanted."
Jay leans on Cole's shoulder, looking out into the view. It was pretty. He had forgotten how pretty it was. "Thanks," says Jay quietly, "you did a really good job, with the path."
"Yeah, well, being the master of Earth sure came in handy. Zane and Pixal helped with the shoring."
"Everything looks so different, I couldn't even figure out which tree it was."
"Did you want me to show you?" Asks Cole gently.
Did he? Jay pauses before answering. He wanted to face this, he wanted to know. "Yeah, ok."
They get up and walk over to the railing. "That one." Says Cole as he points over the edge.
Jay gulps, it was the far one. "It's so far.."
"Yeah, which is why I thought you must have broken a rib."
Jay swallows, takes a deep breath and moves back from the railing once more. "Can we go?" He asks, gesturing the direction the others had gone.
Cole smiles. "Yeah, we should probably get going before they eat all the food."
Jay has a thought, "Wait, don't move." He says to Cole while pulling out his phone.
"What are you doing?" Asks Cole with a chuckle.
"Making a new memory." Says Jay. "Smile!" He takes a picture of Cole, Jamanakai village in the background. It really was a stunning view. He frowns, eyes drawn to the top of his screen.
"What, did I blink or something?"
Three bars. "I have three bars?" he says, showing the screen to Cole. "This is 'one bar lookout.'"
Cole snorts, "You're terrible at naming things! Zane and Pixal installed a repeating tower over there." He points to one of the nearby peaks. "Improved reception in the area significantly."
They continue down the path. When they reach the wooded area, the path is wider, and overhanging branches have been cleared. There used to be a couple spots where he needed to duck under. Jay hears the sound of cheerful voices drifting down the path, mixed with the bubbling water, and soon they are at the clearing.
A large picnic rug has been set up on the stone platform. Kai is helping Master Wu make some tea. Lloyd is standing on one of the stepping stones, admiring the fish. The large tree branch overhead is in full bloom, pink blossoms on every tip, some drifting down to land in the water. There were no blossoms the last time he was here. His heart melts a little as he takes in the sight.
"Jay!" Yells Kai from on top of the platform. "How dare you find such a cool place, and keep it a secret from us!" He doesn't sound angry.
"Ignore him." Says Cole to Jay as he rolls his eyes.
"Master, did you know this was here?" Asks Zane.
"Of course." Says Wu, "I used to come here often."
"So you should be grumpy at Wu, not Jay!" says Lloyd to Kai. "He kept it from you longer."
Jay didn't realise how much he had missed this place. He thought it would just be another place of hurt, but the warm sun, the sound of bubbling water, the cheerful chatter of his friend's voices.. It still managed to fill him with a breath of fresh air. Maybe he would come back, use the path Cole had built him. Maybe next time he would even bring his notebook.
Jay climbs up onto the rock platform, sitting on the picnic rug with his friends. There is a smile on his face, and for the first time, in a long time, he doesn't need to fake it.