Kazuma's Greatest Strength

by PartlySunny

Kazuma's identity as the fearsome masked thief has been exposed, and he is forced into hiding! Darkness cannot save him this time, the Demon King's army is moving into full swing, and the party has no idea where he is. However, he has a few things going for him, including a silver(-haired) lining!

1. Beginning of a New Lifestyle

Part 1 - Kazuma

Today went disastrously wrong.

I am now a wanted man by the kingdom of Belzerg.

But what happened?

Well, it started earlier today, when I swapped bodies with the princess of Belzerg, Iris. It happened when I read out loud a Japanese inscription on the divine relic she was wearing, which took the form of a necklace.

We swapped back shortly afterwards with minimal incident, so I thought nothing more of it.

That is, until Chris told me about its ability to grant eternal life to the user, by swapping bodies and killing the old one. Bonus points if you transfer all your wealth to that person before swapping.

On top of that, it was purchased by a noble. But… it ended up in the princess's hands?

However, I was basically shooed out of the castle before I learned of those things. The other option of telling someone about it was no good, either.

That meant our only option was to sneak through the castle and take the divine relic ourselves. We had to fight through dozens of knights, well-renowned adventurers, and the princess's bodyguards. We even had to face my own party members waiting inside Iris's room.

But we made it through after we both used Steal on Iris before escaping off the terrace, and into a swimming pool below.

And that brings us back to the present.

"This way, Boss!" I shouted at Chris as we got out of the pool and ran towards where the outer walls of the castle were nearest.

I put a hooked arrow on my bow and aimed at the top of the castle walls.

"... Snipe!" The arrow, with rope trailing it, successfully hooked onto the castle wall.

"Assistant-kun, there's guards coming from behind!"

We started climbing as quickly as possible. Fortunately, the guards didn't seem to have any ranged attacks to use.

As we arrived at the top, I saw some knights bundled at the bottom, where the rope was dangling. I unlatched the hook and dropped it before they could climb it.

On the other side was the moat surrounding the castle, so we jumped into the water and swam our way back to safety. Fortunately, we didn't run into anyone else.

Mission completed. The divine relic was retrieved.

But it wasn't all good news.

"What were you thinking, Assistant-kun?!" Chris whispered loudly at me. "We could've escaped while we could! Now our identities are exposed!"

In the process, our identities were exposed.

Well, more specifically, mine was. But her identity might as well be exposed, too. It wouldn't take long for them to connect it to Chris, given how prominent her silver hair was.

During the raid, we found ourselves in a large room with Claire, Rain, and Mitsurugi, accompanied by a large number of knights.

I subdued Mitsurugi by freezing his sheath and then his throat. This prompted Claire to retaliate, but I dodged her first swing and caught her arm on the next, activating Drain Touch immediately.

However, in her attempt to break free, she landed a punch on my face with her other hand. But it wasn't enough to break free, and she eventually collapsed to the ground.

"K-Kazuma?!" She shouted something.

Wait, how did she know my real identity?

"Assistant-kun, your mask!" She pointed at the ground. It was my mask, knocked off after being punched in the face.

I stared at the mask for a moment. Everyone can see my face.

However, I didn't think about it at the moment, since I was still surrounded by a lot of knights, so I put the mask back on and continued onward, finishing the rest of the mission.

"Ah, they'll understand what we were trying to do. We'll be pardoned in no time." I responded to Chris.

"They're not gonna overlook the fact that we stormed through the entire castle!" Chris stopped trying to whisper. "It doesn't matter how close you are to the princess, you'll be executed for sure! And that means I will be, too!"

… Shit, she's probably right. I have faith that Iris will be on my side after learning of that divine relic's true power, but storming the entire castle directly towards the princess's room is not something the rest of royalty will easily ignore.

"Sigh…" Chris started scratching the scar on her cheek. "And they'll quickly find out my identity after they question your party…"

The atmosphere was very tense, so I tried to lighten the mood. "So… Big Boss, you said something about forming a chivalrous thieving group with you sometime?" I scratched the back of my head.

She did say that at the beginning of the raid, after I showcased my roped arrow to her for the first time.

Chris's shoulders drooped a bit. "I guess we have no choice, huh?" She smiled. "Since neither of us wants to be the mastermind, let's call our group the 'Chivalrous Thief Band'!"

I thought for a moment. "Yeah, I like that name, Boss."

"So it's settled, then. Welcome to the team, Assistant-kun!"

"To our new future as thieves…" I fist-bumped her.

In reality, I wasn't too happy with being dragged into this new lifestyle. Even if I was kicked out of the capital, I still had 300 million eris waiting for me back in Axel, so I could easily live a carefree life.

Maybe I could still get that money somehow. It's not like Vanir, an archdevil, would care about me being a criminal.

I'll think about it later. For now, we arrived at our destination.

"There's the inn." I pointed ahead.

"Wait, I see someone entering it." Chris put a hand out to stop me. "Is that–"

"Darkness…" I sighed. "She's trying to look for us. We should go somewhere else."

"Are you sure, Assistant-kun? Darkness and I are pretty close friends, so I don't think she'd turn us in."

"No, she wouldn't. She'd crush our skulls instead."

"... Good point. I'll take you to my hiding spot, then."

"You have a hiding spot here?"

"Of course, Assistant-kun! I'm the legendary chivalrous thief." Chris puffed out her chest.

"... Figures."

We turned back, and I followed her to her hiding spot. As we were walking, I pulled out the item that I stole from Iris.

"What's that?" Chris looked over and saw the item.

"It's the ring Iris was wearing. It seems to be magical, but I don't know what it could do."

"The princess's ring?! Why do you keep stealing things that shouldn't be stolen?!"

"Hey, at least it wasn't panties this time!"

"That's not the point…! Seriously…" She scratched the scar on her cheek. "I shouldn't have taught you that skill."

"Oh, I should thank you for doing that. It's been effective by far."

"... Pervzuma."

"Oi, don't call me that!"

Eventually, we arrived at a house that seemed to be occupied.

"Someone lives here, but there's a secret basement they don't seem to know about. This is where we'll sleep for the night."

Chris slowly and quietly opened a window located right above the ground floor, and we snuck inside.

It was completely empty except for a few things laying on the ground, which I assume belong to Chris. She closed the curtains on the window and lit a candle.

"We'll have to leave before the sun rises." Chris whispered as she was setting up the futon. "There's only one bed, so get some rest."

"What about you, Boss? Aren't you gonna sleep?"

"I'll stay awake since I have a late sleeping schedule."

"Oh? I thought I was the only NEET here."

"This is a thief's schedule. Please don't confuse it with your current lifestyle."

"...Whatever you say, Boss." I slipped into the futon. "Good night."

"Good night, Assistant-kun." She smiled while blowing out the candle.

---

Part 2 - Megumin

"So just to clarify, you had no involvement in the planning or execution with Kazuma or the silver-haired thief?"

"No, I didn't"

I wish I did. How dare he leave me out of this!

We were taken to a different room for interrogation, one at a time, due to our relations with Kazuma. In front of me were Claire and Rain, visibly shaken. There were also a few guards on standby. On the table was the lie-detecting bell.

After watching the bell for a moment, she continued to the next question. "Do you know where the two could've gone, afterward?"

"I don't know."

After waiting for the bell's response, she continued. "Lastly, do you know who the other silver-haired thief could be?

I was hoping they wouldn't ask that question. I knew it was very likely Chris, since she's not only in the Thief class, but she's also the only silver-haired person we know of. I couldn't find any way to escape the question, so I was forced to answer truthfully.

"Probably someone named Chris. She's a friend of ours." I replied.

"I see. Wait–" Claire suddenly looked up at me with surprise. "... She? That silver-haired thief is female?"

…

I feel bad for Chris. I never thought there'd be someone worse off than me in the body department.

After seeing my nod of affirmation, she looked back down on the notes she was jogging down. "Okay, you're free to go, Megumin-dono. Thank you for your cooperation."

As I was walking back to Princess Iris's room, I got to thinking about those two thieves.

They managed to skillfully navigate through the entire castle while it was on high alert, taking down numerous guards, powerful adventurers, and even the two bodyguards of the Princess, just to save her from that body-swapping divine relic. I thought it was harmless at first, but Aqua revealed its hidden ability to make the swap permanent.

But most importantly… that masked man was so cool! The dark outfit. The mask. His outfit appeals directly to my Crimson Demon tastes!

One could imagine my surprise and excitement when I found out the masked man was none other than Kazuma.

The others reacted differently, though.

"Are you serious?!" Darkness put her hands on her face. "Seriously, why would they do something like this…"

Meanwhile, Aqua was celebrating. "That hikiNEET keeps treating me like an idiot, but now he has clearly shown that he's the real idiot! I can't wait for him to kneel before me, profusely apologizing for his past sins while praying for my forgiveness!"

"Excuse me, Claire-dono." Darkness looked at Claire apologetically. "I think I know where they might have escaped to. I'll head over there right away."

That was about an hour ago, so Darkness might be back by now.

"So cool…" I couldn't help but mumble as I arrived back at Iris's room.

It was late at night, but because of what happened, everyone was still awake. Well, except for Aqua, who was very drunk and passed out.

"Megumin-san!" Iris immediately greeted me. Besides Aqua, she was the only one in the room.

We played games until everyone else returned. That's when we listened to Rain and Claire share the details of what happened.

"... and Mitsurugi-dono were with us, so we were confident we could subdue the thieves." Claire explained. "But then he managed to outsmart Mitsurugi-dono by freezing the sheath holding his sword, before filling his throat with water and freezing it." Claire shuddered after saying that.

"How did that not kill him?!" Darkness, who returned empty-handed, responded with shock.

"I think Kazuma's intention was to draw our attention towards saving him." Claire looked down. "Fortunately, we were able to save him in time, but his plan worked."

"His throat was completely ruined after that, but thankfully Aqua was here to heal it completely." Rain added.

"That's my onii-sama! He went through all that trouble to save me from that dangerous divine relic…" Iris said affectionately.

Erk– Why does Iris keep calling Kazuma that?

"Princess Iris… You shouldn't be calling him that. He's a wanted criminal." Claire responded.

You tell her, Claire!

"But… he saved me…" Iris looked down dejectedly.

Claire sighed. "I guess there's no denying his noble motives. I admit, I haven't given Kazuma the respect he deserves."

"You were disrespecting onii-sama, Claire-san?" Iris quickly looked up.

'onii-sama, onii-sama'! What the hell is up with her calling him that?!

"I apologize, Princess Iris. It's just that… He's been a bad influence, and his performance during the battle against the Demon King's army… I struggled to understand how he wasn't anything but talk."

"Wait, is that why he wasn't here last night?! Claire, how could you?"

"I'm sorry, Princess Iris! I shouldn't have been too hard on him." Claire shuddered. "To think he's that capable the whole time… He might still be upset about it. What if he tries to seek revenge?"

"I don't think onii-sama is like that, Claire…" Iris looked down nervously. "Next time we meet, I'll talk to him about forgiving you."

"Thank you, Princess Iris."

"To continue…" Rain shifted the topic back to what happened. "While running off, I tried to cast a spell to stop him, but he quickly shot an arrow at my staff with perfect accuracy." Rain clutched her now-broken staff tight. "His stories weren't exaggerated after all."

"Actually, he does exaggerate his stories sometimes." I interjected. "But it is true that he is clever and skilled, even if he uses underhanded tactics."

"He may be a perverted man who enjoys mentally stripping my entire body, one by one…" Darkness blushed and fidgeted a little before recomposing herself. "But his quick thinking has helped us countless times."

"Does onii-sama really do that to you, Darkness-san?"

"Wouldn't be surprised." I answered.

I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread and worry.

The last time Kazuma got into trouble, he almost got executed despite being proven innocent. It wasn't until Darkness used her powers as a high-ranking noble that he was spared.

Now, Darkness's authority may not be able to save him this time.

The conversations eventually died down and most of us got ready to sleep.

As I laid down, my head became filled with worry. It wasn't for over an hour before sleep eventually took over.

---

Part 3 - Kazuma

"Assistant-kun, wake up! It's time to go." Chris whispered as she shook me awake.

I groaned and turned my head to face her. "It's still dark out…"

Chris shook me harder. "Well, yeah, we gotta leave before the sun rises. We're wanted criminals, remember?" She winked and smiled.

"... Oh yeah, I forgot."

"... What do you mean you forgot?! … Whatever, let's go. I already packed up everything."

I groggily got up and watched as Chris quietly opened the window. I saw she was wearing the same disguise we wore during the castle raid, so I put on my mask.

There were a few people who were up early, but the streets were mostly empty. The people who saw us didn't seem to be concerned, so the news likely hasn't gotten out yet.

"Hey, Boss. Where are we gonna go after we escape?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... You don't know, do you?"

"I didn't plan for this, Assistant-kun!"

"Seriously?! Ugh…. Can we at least go back to Axel and get my stuff?"

"... Why? Do you have things that are really that important enough to you? I have a bad feeling about this, judging on what you stole from that vault…"

"What are you trying to imply?! I'll have you know, I was in the middle of a business deal, so I'd like to get my money first. There's also some stuff in the mansion."

"Oh? How much money are we talking, Assistant-kun?"

"... Three hundred million eris."

"Th-three hundred million?! How'd you get that kind of money?!"

Why are people reacting so strangely when I mention the large sum of money I'm about to earn? Maybe I should stop telling everyone about it.

"Don't know, but we can take the money and live our own lives outside of Belzerg."

"I don't know if I wanna do that… Oh, there's the gate, Assistant-kun." Chris pointed at a gate leading out of the city. "That's how we'll get out of here."

"... But it's heavily guarded, and the gate is closed."

"I think we can just use brute force. We managed to get through the entire castle, so this should be doable."

"Oh, now you're the thrill-seeking one, huh?" I turned my gaze to Chris. "But why can't we just climb over the walls?"

Chris shook her head. "There's guards stationed at the top of the walls." She pointed upward. "Besides, we would be seen very quickly, and they can easily trap us while we're there."

I sighed. "Okay, I guess we have no choice then."

We snuck as close as we could to the gates without being seen.

"There's a lever inside the wall. That should open the door." Chris whispered.

"So what? We sneak past the guards and pull the lever?"

"And alert the guards stationed on both sides of the gate?" Chris stared at me like I was an idiot.

"... Don't look at me like that, Boss. I'm still tired."

Chris giggled before continuing. "Let's take care of the guards on the inside first. The ones stationed on the outside can't reach us without opening the gate."

"Okay, let's go, then."

Chris and I snuck even closer to the guards with Lurk. We could hear the guards talking amongst themselves.

"I can't believe I had to wake up this early. I was off work yesterday, so I got drunk."

"Me too. I can feel the hangover already…"

"I was on duty last night, but I was at the party, so I had a few drinks." A third guard was in the conversation.

"Who are we supposed to look out for again?"

"Not sure. I think it was two men, one with silver hair and another with a weird-looking mask?"

I could see Chris flinching a bit at what one of the guards said. I used subtle hand motions to make sure she was still on track.

"Not to sound pessimistic, but if those two men could storm through the royal castle all the way to Her Highness's room, I don't see how we're supposed to be able to stop them."

"... You know, I didn't think about that. Let's try our best, though."

"Yeah, if we manage to capture them, we might get a huge bonus or even a promotion!"

"Create Earth! Wind Breath!" I interrupted their conversation with a blinding attack.

"Bind!"

I managed to blind the majority of the guards with my killer combination, while Chris bound the remaining ones.

"Gah! It's them! Attack!" One of the guards yelled out.

"I can't see!"

"One of the men trapped me with rope!"

"I'm a woman, damn it!" Chris couldn't take it anymore and went up to the guard who made that retort.

"... Huh?! No way." The guard said before receiving a kick to the head.

"Focus, Boss!" I snapped her out of it.

Sure enough, the commotion from the inside prompted the guards on the outside to sound the alarm, alerting more guards from the inside to our location.

With no time to waste, I headed straight for the lever. "Ready?!"

"I'm ready, Assistant-kun!" Chris approached the gate and got into a fighting stance.

I pulled the lever down, and after a second, the gate door started raising upwards.

The guards on the other side were ready to fight us. They had an arm raised, ready to block their eyes from my blinding combination, as they must've seen me using it.

But they weren't prepared for my other trick.

As the gate was still opening, "Create Water! Freeze!"

After freezing the ground below the guards, they immediately lost their footing.

We ran on the ice and slid past them. I took one last look behind us and saw additional reinforcements chasing after us, along with the guards who recovered from my blinding attack.

We both activated our Flee skill to increase our running speed and took off into the depths of the forest.

---

Part 4 - Darkness

It's been over a day since the break-in, but we were still not allowed to leave the castle until they finished the initial stages of the investigation, so we've been spending our time with Princess Iris.

"Explosion!" Megumin shouted proudly as she continued using her overpowered move. Meanwhile, Princess Iris took it in stride and seemed to be looking for ways to adapt to Megumin's stupid rules.

I'm still very upset at how rash those two were.

If they had approached me about this issue, I would've helped them! But they chose to storm through the castle and expose their identities in the process!

I clenched my fists at the thought, but quickly calmed down again.

I had no idea where they could be, but if there's one thing that's for sure, it's that if they weren't caught yet, they'd already have escaped the capital by now.

I sighed deeply at that thought.

Would they try to run away from Belzerg to live a more peaceful life? No, I doubt it. The nearest nation is weeks away via carriage.

Would they try to return to Axel? If they did, I would definitely give them a place to hide.

Actually, could they possibly get away with a lighter punishment? They did all these heists, including this one, for a noble reason and cause. Not to mention, they'd have the support of house Dustiness. Princess Iris also seems to like Kazuma, so she'd support him, too.

"How is this fair?!" Megumin slammed the table and stormed off. It looks like Princess Iris was able to beat her despite her stupid rules.

"I-I'm sorry, Megumin-san!"

"Good job, Princess! I was never able to beat her." Aqua put her hand up for a high-five, but Iris was reluctant to return it.

A door opened.

"Excuse me, Lady Dustiness, may I have a moment?" It was Arthur, one of the leaders of the royal guards.

"Hmm? Oh, yes, Arthur-san. Please call me Darkness, by the way."

"My apologies, Lady Darkness."

'Lady Darkness' is still not something I wanted to be called, but whatever.

After following him out of the princess's room, Arthur turned around and cleared his throat. "We've received a report that the two members of the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade have successfully escaped the capital. We expanded our stations at the borders, but they ambushed us at one of the gates and escaped before reinforcements arrived."

It looks like they were able to escape, after all. Now things have just gotten a lot more complicated.

"... I see. Thank you for informing me, Arthur-san. I will let the others know. Please try to find them if you can."

"We are trying our best, Lady Darkness. We also have Lady Claire currently assisting in the investigation at your adventuring party's residence."

"May I ask why our mansion is being investigated, Arthur-san?"

"We have reason to believe they may show up there at some point."

"I see, but are you sure Claire-dono can stop them alone? I'm sure you're aware of how capable they are."

"Yes, Lady Darkness. She brought along an item that will greatly assist her."

"I'm curious as to what kind of item would be able to stop them."

"Unfortunately, I do not have the authorization and clearance to share that information, Lady Darkness."

I sighed. "I suppose that can't be helped. Is there any chance you could tell us when we're allowed to go back home?"

"Not for another week, at the very least. I apologize, Lady Darkness. However…" Arthur leaned in closer. "The princess likely has the authority to change that. If you ask her kindly, she might be able to make something work."

I nodded. "Thank you, Arthur-san."

"Any time, Lady Darkness."

We bowed our heads to each other and parted ways.

I entered the room and told everyone the news about Kazuma and Chris escaping the capital.

"How are we gonna find them now?!" Aqua wailed.

"They sent search parties nearby, but it seems likely they're going to return to Axel."

Megumin had stars in her eyes. "Kazuma really became the coolest person in the world overnight…"

"I hope onii-sama is okay… If he's ever arrested, I'll try my best to make sure they let him go free…" Iris said vexingly.

I kneeled down in front of her, meeting her eye-to-eye. "Thank you, Princess Iris. I'm sorry Kazuma took your ring. I'll make sure to return it right away the next time I find them."

"If you do find him…" Iris looked down timidly and put her hands together. "P-Please tell him to take good care of it…"

"Huh…? B-But… doesn't that ring mean a lot to you, Princess Iris? I'll get it back for you if they still have it."

"Yes, Darkness-san… W-Which is why onii-sama should have it."

"Princess Iris, you do know what you're implying, right?"

I received no response outside of a blush.

Has Kazuma really managed to win her over in just a week?

"W-Why are your eyes glowing, Megumin-san?!" Iris flinched when she turned her head to Megumin, who was listening to us.

"... Darkness, what does the ring mean?" Megumin said coldly.

"Calm down, Megumin!" I took a deep breath. "It's something children of royalty will wear all the time and will only be removed as a gift for their partner in marriage."

My explanation only made Megumin's eyes glow even brighter.

"I-It's not what you think!" Iris's face grew red, and she waved her hands. "I just want him to have the ring."

"So… you want him to have your ring, which symbolizes marriage?"

"Calm down, Megumin! I know you like Kazuma and all, but–"

Megumin's face grew red. "I-It's not like that at all, Darkness! I'm just… worried that Kazuma is negatively influencing my dear friend Iris!"

Her lame excuse aside, why do I feel jealous all of a sudden? That man is a good-for-nothing hardcore pervert that enjoys staring at me, mentally stripping away every inch of my… clothing… slowly…

I grew red and started trembling.

"Why are you trembling all of a sudden, Darkness?" Megumin's eyes dimmed.

"Ahem… Don't worry about it." I turned to Princess Iris. "We think Kazuma and his companion might be headed back to Axel. If it's not any bother, could you look into getting us released early?"

Iris looked down timidly. "I already tried…" She looked back at me. "But I'll try again."

"Thank you, Princess Iris." I bowed my head as she walked out of the room.

---

Part 5 - Kazuma

The entire day has passed since we escaped the capital. Miraculously, we didn't run into anyone from the Demon King army, or any other monsters, for that matter. Is it due to both of our luck?

We decided to head back to Axel, since that's where most people we were familiar with resided, including our party members, who I knew would yell at us before helping. But we'd wait a while for things to settle down before we actually reunited with them.

In the meantime, we would sneak into the mansion and grab some things from my room that would help us out, including a large sum of 5 million eris hidden for emergencies.

At some point, I'll return to claim my side of the deal with Vanir.

As the sun started to set, we found a place to settle in. Chris was reluctant to start a fire since it could attract monsters, but we had some raw meat we got from killing any wildlife that came our way, and we didn't want to eat raw food.

After we gathered some sticks, I started a fire with my Tinder.

"I've never seen anyone make use of beginner magic like you, Kazuma." Chris said, while sitting on a giant log that fell from a tree.

"Thanks. It's the best I can do being stuck with the weakest class." I replied as I sat down on the log.

Chris leaned forward while facing the fire. "And yet you've done so much more than anyone has in many years." She turned to me. "You know, Kazuma… You never told me your stories."

"Hm? What do you mean, Chris? And are we dropping the code names now?" I looked back at her.

"There's no need for that now. We're in the middle of a forest." Chris said, before she put her hand up. I knew what she was about to say next would raise a flag, but she realized and put her hand back down without saying another word.

"Right…" I cleared my throat. "It all started when I met Aqua…" I explained almost everything that happened, up until our fight against Beldia.

"... Beldia tried to inflict a death curse on Megumin, but Darkness jumped in the way."

"That definitely sounds like something she would do." Chris giggled. "What happened afterwards?"

"Darkness went on her usual masochistic ramblings, making even the dullahan weirded out."

Chris's expression got nervous as she started scratching the scar on her cheek. "I've always known Darkness to be a weird one, but… even scaring off a Demon King General…?"

I gave her my 'I know, right?' look before continuing. "After Beldia walked off, Aqua just dispelled the curse with no effort."

Chris started laughing. "Aqua-san really is strong, huh?"

"I guess she does come in handy every once in a while." I retorted.

I started going over the time I first died to the Winter Shogun. Normally, I wouldn't talk about my deaths in these stories, but I wanted to share them with this devout Eris Cultist since it was when I first met Eris.

"You died? But… how are you here?" Chris looked shocked.

"I ended up in the afterlife, where I met the beautiful goddess Eris."

For some reason, Chris blushed when I said that. "R-Really, huh? You think she was beautiful?" Chris looked away slightly and started swinging her legs.

"Her beauty surpasses that of anyone I've met before. She was truly a goddess, unlike another one I know." I continued without any hint of shyness.

Chris pulled her mask up and looked away. Was I going too far with my compliments towards her goddess? Or was she jealous that I got to meet her?

After shaking off my confusion, I continued. "One thing led to another, and Eris-sama ended up reviving me back into this world."

"... I see." Chris said as she continued looking away.

"Are you okay, Chris? Did I say something wrong?" I asked.

"N-No, it's fine…" Chris said meekly.

"... Alright."

I continued with the battle against the Mobile Fortress Destroyer and our trip to Arcanretia, where we shared our hatred towards the Axis Cultists.

"I can't believe you guys stayed there for so long!" Chris shuddered and hugged herself. "I wouldn't have lasted a day there…"

"Tell me about it. They even managed to drive a Demon King's general to madness."

"That's how bad it was?! I always thought they were terrible, but not that much…" Chris hunched over a bit.

"I wanted to get out of there, but Aqua insisted we stay, claiming the hot springs were being poisoned and all that." I shrugged. "Turns out, she was right."

After going over our victory against Hans, I went over the trip to the Crimson Demon Village, highlighting the best parts.

"You slept with Megumin?! What happened?" Chris was now suddenly very interested.

"Well, she was laying on top of my chest, looking up at me, and–"

"You have got to be lying! There's no way!" Chris suddenly stood up.

"I'm not lying! It could've gone further if that Sylvia bitch didn't interrupt us right then and there!" I clenched my fist in anger at that memory.

Chris sat down again. "I can't believe anyone would willingly do that to you, let alone Megumin…"

"Hey, what are you trying to say?"

"Well, you are a pervert who can't resist sexually harassing every girl." Chris said while scratching her cheek.

"Who's spreading those rumors? Tell me!"

"You stole my panties and sexually harassed me at Alderp's mansion!" Chris yelled in a flustered way.

"I–" I wanted to counter her arguments, but I remembered how upset Eris-sama was when I made those excuses, so I held my tongue.

Now that I think about it, Chris reminds me of Eris. I couldn't quite put a finger on why, though.

Chris smiled and interrupted my chain of thought. "At the same time, I do think there is another side to you, one that Megumin definitely sees."

… Huh? What does she mean by that?

Chris continued. "You certainly lead a very interesting life, Kazuma. I'm kinda jealous."

"You shouldn't be. Every time I'm on the brink of living a peaceful life, something happens." I leaned back a bit. "We would either go into debt or get dragged into something else.

"Like what happened here… I see why you were refusing to listen to me when I asked for your help with recovering those divine relics." Chris looked down with guilt. "I'm sorry about that, Kazuma…"

I looked at her for a while. She clearly looked apologetic, and the way she made the face made it impossible for me to be mad at her.

I sighed. "It's fine. We'll find a way out of this, as usual."

Chris smiled and started swinging her legs. "Until then, we get to punish those greedy, corrupt nobles!" She winked.

---

Part 6 - Kazuma

We slept until sunrise and continued walking towards Axel for another few hours. Incredibly, we hadn't run into a single obstacle since our escape. If my party had tagged along, I just know we would've had at least a dozen encounters.

"I have a first mission for you, as an initiation for the newly formed Chivalrous Thief Band!" Chris announced. "Don't worry, we'll be working together on this one." Chris turned to me while smiling and winking.

"Can we wait on that? I think I'd like to take a few weeks to relax and get used to this new lifestyle before we go out there again."

"Hmm… you don't seem interested." Chris leaned in closer to me. "What if I told you who the target was? I think you'll be interested after that."

"Let's hear it." I paid no mind to her.

Chris leaned in closer. "Let's just say… it's a certain old and fat landlord who caused trouble for you in the past."

I finally turned toward Chris. Her face was very close to mine. "I'm interested."

If I'm thinking of the right person, then I suppose I have no problem getting some revenge.

"Great!" Chris returned to walking normally. "I believe he was the one who supplied the body-swapping divine relic to Princess Iris as well. However, I have reason to believe he has another divine relic that summons monsters. I don't know what he's planning, but it can't be anything good."

"Say, Boss, how do you know all this stuff?"

"It's a secret, Assistant-kun!" She smiled and winked.

"... Whatever. But, can we get some things at my mansion first?"

"Hmm… Yeah, why not? We can do the break-in afterwards."

"After this, let's run away from Belzerg and live a new, peaceful life together."

"... I'm not sure about that. I don't wanna lose my friends…"

"It'll be fine. We can come back and visit sometime."

Chris chuckled. "I guess so."

After a few more hours of walking, we finally saw the walls of Axel.

I immediately stopped walking. "Finally… I'm sitting down. My legs are sore."

"Me too…"

We both sat and stared at the wall ahead of us for several moments.

"I just realized it's been almost two weeks since I've last been in Axel…" I looked down.

"Miss your party members already?" Chris elbowed me lightly.

I leaned back and rested on my arms. "Well, let's see. I have one useless goddess who causes more trouble than she fixes, puts us in debt all the time, and does nothing but drink. There's the chuunibyou explosive loli who can't resist casting Explosion magic in the worst place at the worst time, then not being able to move afterwards." I put a finger up. "And of course, I also have a perverted Crusader who can't land a single attack but will put herself in any dangerous situation just to satisfy her urges. We struggle with completing the most basic of quests, but we still manage to beat some of the strongest enemies this world has to offer."

"... So, do you miss them?"

"... I guess so."

"'Guess so', you say? I see my little Kazuma is a tsundere!" Chris teased.

I stretched my hand outward and made the motion for Steal.

Chris quickly grabbed my arm. "Wait! I'm sorry, please don't do something unreasonable…!"

I managed to free my arm and lowered it while waiting for Chris to calm down. "... Steal!"

"Noooo…!" Chris instinctively covered herself, while I scooted away from Chris to avoid any physical retaliation.

… After Chris hid somewhere to put her panties back on, we started the mission. After putting on our disguises, we ran towards the wall.

As the walls were unguarded, we climbed to the top of the walls with no issue.

"I see the mansion from all the way over here." I put a hand above my eyes so I could see better. "Let's go, Boss."

We scaled down the wall when there was no one nearby, and started walking towards the mansion, using Lurk when necessary.

"Is that the mansion, Assistant-kun?"

"Yeah. Looks like there's people inside, though."

"Could it be your party members? Maybe we should approach them."

"I see royal carts, Boss. There's definitely other company, so we can't approach anyone. We'll have to do it silently."

"... Alright, let's enter from the back."

We activated Lurk and circled the house towards the back. As we were doing so, I peeked through the windows. I only saw numerous knights, but no sign of my party members.

"Let's just enter directly through my window."

"Wait, I'm sensing a trap from this window. All the windows might be trapped." Chris warned.

I groaned. "Do you think you can disarm it?"

"Most likely, but I'll need some time."

I aimed at the roof above my bedroom window with my bow, and shot a rope-attached hook arrow. It latched onto the roof with almost no noise. We used Lurk just in case, but after a moment, we decided it was safe.

"Keep an eye out for me, Assistant-kun. I'll give you the signal when it's disarmed." Chris said as she started climbing the rope.

As I stood there waiting, I couldn't help but think about how things got to this point. All I had to do was slip through the castle and recover the divine relic.

But now here we are, forced to sneak into my own mansion. All because of one punch.

I saw some knights passing by in a nearby window, so I pressed myself up against the wall and activated Lurk to peek inside. That's when I saw Claire and Rain in the living room, talking with some of the other knights. There was no sign of my party members, though.

I saw the rope wiggle and looked up. Chris was trying to silently get my attention to signal that the trap was disarmed. Chris went through the window, and I followed behind.

The first thing I saw was how messy my room was.

"You should clean your room every once in a while, Assistant-kun." Chris whispered a remark.

"This isn't me!" I retorted back, also whispering.

"Do you think they found the items?"

"Let's find out." I snuck towards a dresser and slowly opened the bottom drawer. The contents inside were a mess, which told me they checked here. I reached all the way towards the back and opened a secret compartment.

I took a deep sigh of relief. "It's still here."

Chris also took a sigh of relief.

I quietly pulled out two bags, one containing the money, and the other containing the assortment of items, and gave them to Chris.

"So it's you two, again."

We immediately turned around. Standing at the door to my bedroom was Claire, backed by several knights. We quickly got into a battle stance.

Claire was holding an item.

"I understand you two did what you did at the castle for a noble reason, but I cannot allow you to escape this time." She warned as she started fiddling with the item. Before we could react, a giant, transparent barrier covered everyone in the room.

"... What's this supposed to be?" I asked.

"This barrier disables all magic and skill attacks." Claire explained. "It reduces everyone inside to pure physical combat, which is something I excel at."

"How underhanded!" I remarked.

"You're one to talk!" Claire retorted before clearing her throat. "Anyways, I would suggest you two surrender. Princess Iris is on your side for some reason, so you may be able to avoid execu… tion…" Claire trailed off as she stared agape in Chris's direction.

When I looked over to see what Claire was looking at, I saw Chris holding the same item that deactivated the magic barrier on the vault door. The barrier that was surrounding us was gone.

"Good job, Boss!" I gave her a thumbs-up, and she returned one of her own.

Claire started sweating nervously. "H-How…?"

"Well, looks like we'll be taking our leave now." I turned to Claire.

Claire took a big gulp before she straightened up and readied her sword at me. "I-I can't let you two go that easily– Eh?!"

As Claire was talking, I interrupted her by using Steal on her, of course retrieving her panties. I splayed it in front of her.

I could feel a stare coming from Chris burning a hole through me, but I ignored it.

"Enough!" Claire, in embarrassment, leapt forward and swung her sword. Her swings moved like a flash of light, but I barely dodged in time.

… Except her sword landed a hit on the panties I was holding, tearing it apart. I let the remaining pieces go, and everyone watched as they scattered on the floor.

I'll admit, I had no real plan there. I just wanted to tease this white suit and buy ourselves some time.

A mix of embarrassment and anger on her face returned, prompting her to swing again, which I dodged.

But now I found myself backed into a corner. In the meantime, the knights were converging toward Chris, so she wouldn't be able to help me.

Left with only one option, I started casting my Create Earth spell and yelled to Chris. "Boss, cover your eyes!"

Claire, who was inching her way towards me, immediately knew what I was intending to do, and covered her eyes with her arm.

Perfect.

"Bind!" I immediately subdued Claire while she wasn't looking. I ran towards her and cast Drain Touch on her nape as she was struggling. "Sorry, Claire."

Chris and the guards were both still covering their eyes, only finally dropping their guards when they realized Claire was down. That's when I ran past Chris and used my blinding combination, this time for real.

The guards were not prepared for it this time, so they all received dirt to their eyes.

"Nice work, Assistant-kun!" We high-fived each other.

"Wait, I hear footsteps. Let's hurry and get out of here, Boss." I grabbed the two bags, and we leapt out of the window.

---

Part 7 - Megumin

After a full day, we were finally given clearance to return to Axel, and Rain teleported us here.

Rain said she had somewhere to be, so we parted ways.

"Since Kazuma decided to abandon us, I say we split the reward between us three!" Aqua suggested.

"We're not doing that, Aqua. We couldn't have done it without his help." Darkness rained on her parade.

"Why not? It would serve him right!"

"Yes, he may have messed up badly, but we'll help him, just like he helped us in the past."

Aqua crossed her arms and pouted, not saying another word.

I looked down dejectedly. "Please be okay, Kazuma…" I tightened the grip on my staff.

"Megumin… We'll find a way out of this, like we always do." Darkness put a hand on my shoulder.

As we entered the guild, we were approached by a lot of adventurers.

"I heard what Kazuma did!"

"Can you tell us where he is?!"

"I've always known he was up to no good!"

"Did he really storm the royal castle?!"

As we made our way through the mob of adventurers, we made it to the front desk, where Luna was waiting with a concerned expression.

"I'm sorry, guys, but the payout for the Demon King's general Sylvia is being withheld due to your party leader's criminal activity."

"What?! But we didn't do anything!" Aqua pleaded.

"I'm sorry." Luna looked down sorrowfully. "I know your run-ins with the law haven't been pleasant, despite how much you've all accomplished."

"Is that how you treat your heroes?! To hell with what Kazuma did, that's our money!" Aqua continued fighting.

I sighed. "Whatever, let's go back home."

"No! I already spent all my money on wine! I want my money now!" Aqua was still pouting.

"You already spent all your money? … Whatever, we'll do a quest later." Darkness said, while grabbing Aqua's arm. "Let's get out of here."

"Wait! Didn't Kazuma have a deal with Vanir? Why don't we pick up his money there?" Aqua suggested.

"That's his money, Aqua. I don't think he'd like it if we spent that money." Darkness continued to be the sensible one in the party.

"We'll pay him back! Pleaseee, Darkness?" Aqua grabbed onto Darkness, pleading.

"... Ugh, fine."

"Yay!" Aqua immediately took a joyful stride as we made our way to Wiz's shop.

"Welcome to– Oh, it's you three! I heard what happened!" Wiz immediately ran to us when she recognized us. "Is Kazuma-san okay?"

"We don't know where he is, yet." I responded.

"Oh… What did he do anyway?" Wiz asked.

While Darkness was explaining what happened, Vanir popped out from the back. "Welcome!" He pointed at me. "Explosion girl with a screw loose who is worried sick about the brat and can't sleep at night!"

"S-Shut up! I can sleep at night just fine!" My face reddened.

Vanir pointed at Darkness, who was still explaining the situation to Wiz. "Crusader girl who put a certain archmage's dress to her chest and thought to herself, 'No way…' when wondering if she thought she looked cute on it!"

Darkness instantly snapped her head to Vanir, completely red. "Y-You– Don't tell them that! That's not what happened, anyway!"

"I didn't know you wanted to wear a one-piece dress! You always wear cool or mature type of dresses! I think you would look cute in a one-piece!" Aqua encouraged Darkness, not intending any harm, while Darkness squatted down in embarrassment.

"Such savory dark emotions! Hahaha!" Vanir put his hand down. "And who brought this annoying lumi-nuisance of a woman?"

"You're talking about me, aren't you?! Such fancy words coming from a low-rate devil! Puehehe!"

"Cease thy prattle, thee goddess of toilet water! Thy unholy aura is disturbing the peace of the neighbors!"

"Unholy?! Now you're asking to be purified! Stand still like a good boy while I exorcise you!"

Vanir and Aqua scowled at each other.

"Hold on, we came here to pick up Kazuma's reward." I intervened.

"Hmm? The brat's reward is for the brat only."

"We're his party members! Now, I demand you give us Kazuma's money on his behalf, or I'll purify you many times over!"

"Hahaha! Hahaha! As expected, Moi has to settle things with thee! All right, let's take it outside!"

"Sacred Exorcism!" Aqua immediately retaliated, but Vanir dodged it.

"Hahaha! As expected of an arrogant goddess! Thou can't even wait to take this outside! Thou goddesses are short-tempered as always! Vanir-style Death Ray!"

"You two, please stop wrecking the shop!" Wiz pleaded.

"Alright, let's go, Aqua." I walked to the door along with Darkness, who grabbed Aqua's collar and dragged her out with us.

"Hey! Let me go! I need to teach that fraud of a devil a lesson!"

"Hahaha! Hahaha! Thee fraudulent goddess is calling Moi a fraud! Oh, the dark emotions are extra savory today!" Vanir was on the floor laughing, while Wiz was waving us goodbye.

As we approached our mansion, we could see a large convoy of royal wagons parked by it.

"Huh? What happened here?" Aqua asked.

"No idea. Let's check it out." Darkness responded.

As we entered the mansion, we could see Claire laying on our couch, being treated by Rain, who greeted us upon seeing us. "Oh, here you are, guys. Sorry about this. Those two thieves broke in here for something, and Claire got injured trying to fight them."

"S-So cool…" I said, immediately earning the glares of Rain and Claire.

"Huh?! They were here just now?" Aqua said.

Claire got up and faced us. "Yes, but that was a while ago. We sent our knights after them." She looked down. "Those thieves are truly skilled. I had a barrier that nullified all magic and skill attacks, but that silver-haired thief… Chris, isn't it…? He– She instantly disabled it…"

"That item was incredibly expensive and powerful, so we thought we'd be able to successfully subdue those two." Rain sighed. "Kazuma seems like a good person, and I trust the judgment of you three. I'd like for us to let him go, but the King and the Prince won't let that happen."

Darkness walked up to Rain and put a hand on her shoulder. "I understand, Rain-dono. I can't help but feel he was dragged into this anyway. This always happens to him."

"He did all that to save Princess Iris from that divine relic, after all. There's no reason to doubt he's a good person." Claire looked down vexingly. "He also apologized to me before running off."

"Coolzuma…" I shouted as my crimson eyes glowed a bit, earning a sigh from Rain and Claire.

"Well, we have to head back. Please be careful from this point onward. We're willing to turn a blind eye wherever we can, as we know you guys will." Claire said in a gentle manner.

"The less trouble they make, the easier it will be for Princess Iris to help them, which she's working on right now." Rain added.

We said our goodbyes as they left the mansion along with the remaining knights. As they watched them leave, I spotted a familiar sight watching us from a nearby window.

"Yunyun, what are you doing here?" I immediately called her out, earning a quiet squeak, followed by tiny taps as she ran around to the front doors and bowed towards us.

"I-I'm sorry! I heard what happened and wanted to see if you guys were okay!"

"Yeah, we're fine." I responded. "Our party leader put on a cool outfit and stormed the castle to steal a magical item from the princess. You know, no big deal."

"W-W-What do you mean, 'no big deal'?!"

"It means no big deal, Yunyun. More importantly, he did it while wearing a cool mask and a black outfit!" I raised my staff high. "Criminal or not, he'll be known as a legend across all of Belzerg!"

"It absolutely is a big– Wait, did you say black outfit? And a cool mask? Please tell me more!"

Our inner Crimson Demons activated, and I explained everything in detail as she stared in awe, especially when I elaborated on the outfit he was wearing.

"Say, Yunyun…" Darkness interrupted. "Since Kazuma isn't here, would you like to join us on a quest?"

"M-Me…? I'm not in your party, though…" She said timidly.

"Yes, great idea, Darkness! Then we can show Yunyun how essential Explosion magic really is!"

"No way!" Aqua yelled. "We just got home! Can we sit back and drink some wine instead?"

"Didn't you say you ran out of money, Aqua?" Darkness responded.

"I still haven't drank the bubbly I brought from the capital! Can't we wait a little longer?!"

"Come on, let's go, Aqua." Darkness walked over to her.

"Waaahhhh!"

---

Part 8 - Kazuma

After escaping Axel, we returned to the woods and set up camp. As I was working on starting a fire, Chris started digging through the bag containing items without my knowledge.

"Care to explain what this is, Kazuma?"

I turned, and when I saw what Chris was holding, I stiffened in horror. It was a… valuable adult magazine. "H-Hey, put that back…"

"Not until you explain why you had us break into your own house to retrieve this." She crossed her arms. "I should've known."

"That's not the only thing that's in there! And stop snooping around!"

"Seriously?! Wait, isn't this the one you stole from the vault?" She took a deep breath, then pulled out more magazines from the bag with a forced smile. "Kazuma… You're working on starting the fire, right? Let me help you with that."

I was careless to leave that bag lying around! I need to make sure she doesn't burn them.

"... Great idea! But let me help as well. I'll use Steal and put whatever item appears in my hand into the fire. If it's not enough, I can use it multiple times." I said nonchalantly, expecting Chris to take my threat seriously and leave my magazines alone.

But when there was silence, I turned around and saw Chris gathering more of the magazines while smiling.

"W-What do you think you're doing?!"

"Oh, what? I thought we had an agreement." Chris smiled, as if to try and intimidate me.

Is she seriously going to let me steal and burn her panties just so she can get rid of the magazines?!

Or maybe it's… something else entirely?

Is she actually into that idea? I had no clue, since every girl I've met hasn't given me anything more than mixed signals, especially Megumin.

Megumin would hold my hand, then fall asleep right after. She would ask me out on a date just to turn it into the usual Explosion walk. She would lay on top of me, clinging to me, but nothing would change after that.

I'm starting to lose trust in my own judgment. Why are girls so hard to read?

You know what? I won't let those girls lead me astray anymore. If they don't wanna be upfront about it, then they won't get a response back from me.

"Very well, then." I got up. "Steal!"

The expected item appeared in my hands, and I splayed them out. Chris closed her legs a bit, and her face grew red, but she didn't let her confidence and composure falter any further.

"Alright, light 'em up!" Chris provoked me as she put the adult magazines on the pile of wood I had accumulated for the fire.

I paused for a bit. Is she actually planning to go along with this? Surely she has a trick up her sleeve? She has another layer of clothing beneath her shorts, a pair of black leggings. Is that why she's so confident?

I didn't want to risk stealing something that would put her in a worse situation than losing her pair of black leggings, but I also couldn't let her win this battle. Not with my beloved magazines at stake.

I recomposed myself. "Steal!"

Let's see if luck is on my side tonight. I opened my hand to look at the contents inside.

Fortunately, the pair of black leggings was in my hand. Her face grew redder, and her legs closed tighter. She started scratching the scar on her cheek.

"I think that's enough, Kazuma." She said in a strained voice.

So she didn't have a trick up her sleeve. She must've been expecting me to not actually follow through.

"You agreed to this." I shrugged as I put the two articles of clothing on top of the magazines.

I cast Tinder and observed Chris's expression as I moved the ball of flame, which was hovering over my finger, closer and closer to the pile. I could tell her confidence was fading away.

"... W-Wait! I'm sorry! I won't burn it! Just please… don't–" She trailed off.

The area started growing brighter, and we could see each other better.

"..."

"..."

"Sorry."

After accidentally burning our subjectively valuable items, we sat at the fire without saying a word for a while.

"... You'll suffer divine retribution from Eris-sama for that…" Chris was still covering her lower area, even though it wasn't exposed.

"Hey, don't blame me! You're the one who went along with it!"

"I didn't think you would actually do it!"

"You were provoking me! I would've lost my self-pride if I chickened out!"

Chris tried to retort, but gave up. She didn't have a counterargument.

"..."

"..."

"... Hey, look at the bright side. At least I can't threaten you with stealing your panties anymore."

"You're the worst! You really are scum!" Chris pounced on me and shook my collar.

After fighting her off, we both went over the items I brought along.

"So you did bring some useful things, after all!" Chris remarked as I showed her a wrapped tent.

"We had to spend the night outside in the cold during a quest once, and it was miserable. The girls snuggled each other for warmth and left me out of it, so I bought a tent for myself in case that happened again."

"Now that you say that, it's very cold tonight…" Chris realized.

"That thief outfit really isn't doing you any favors, huh?"

"... No, it isn't… Hey, what's this?" Chris pulled out an envelope from the bag.

"Put that back. Don't worry about it."

"Nah, tell me. Is it a love letter to a certain someone?" She smirked.

I sighed. "... It's a letter addressed to Darkness's father requesting that he search for potential marriage candidates to pair with Darkness, signed with her name and seal. I was saving it for if she ever really pissed me off and I wanted revenge."

"... T-That's cruel! I'm not letting you do that to her!"

"Don't worry, I was only saving it for an emergency."

"What kind of emergency?!"

"Don't worry about it. Now give that back."

"As a close friend of Darkness, I won't let you have it!" She exclaimed as she tossed it in the fire.

"Don't–! Why would you do that?! I spent so much time making that!"

"It wouldn't hurt to be nicer to your party mates, you know!"

… I'll have to make sure she doesn't see the things I had prepared for Aqua and Megumin inside the bag.

"Well, that's everything useful."

"... You're telling me the only useful item we have is that tent?"

"No." I paused briefly. "That letter was also useful."

"... I'm setting up the tent. Come help your Boss."

After we set up the tent, we put out the fire and entered the tent to sleep.

"It's still cold…"

"... You brought a tent, but no blankets or anything?"

"..."

Chris sighed. "I guess we're huddling up tonight." She smiled.

"Good idea."

"Ehh? I didn't think you'd be so calm about that…"

"What's the issue? We're cold, so huddling together makes sense."

"... Right." Chris sighed. "At least this tent blocks the cold breeze."

We both laid down on the tent floor. She laid down, facing away from me, neither of us touching. As I examined the situation, I started to get nervous.

I was relaxed up until this point, but now I fully understand what I was about to do.

It's fine. We're both cold, so this is something that has to be done anyway.

Nothing else has to happen. We're just simply keeping each other warm by sharing our body… heat…

No, that makes it worse! No, this is for survival. That's all it is. Nothing else.

Yeah, that's all there is to it. If we didn't do this, we'd freeze to death.

As if Chris read the situation, "For someone who likes to sexually harass women and steal their panties, you seem pretty scared, eh?" She teased me before pushing herself backwards, right into me.

This is not good. I was able to maintain a tough front, but I don't know if I'll be able to survive this!

Please don't betray me, my little member!

Chris laughed. "I'm warmer now, but this won't do. Give me your arm." She said before grabbing my arm and placing it over her stomach. "I'm just as awkward as you are, but due to my choice of clothing, I need this."

Now my arm was wrapped around her stomach! I closed my hands into a fist to make it less awkward for myself, but this is still too much for a shut-in like me!

"H-How are you so calm about this?" I asked her the same question she asked me earlier.

"Oh, now you're nervous?!"

"Why wouldn't I be?!"

"Calm down! I know you won't do anything, so calm down!"

Huh? What makes her think that?

Now that I think about it, she trusted that I wouldn't misuse that body-swapping divine relic, even though we didn't really know each other that well. Why does she trust me this much?

As I was thinking, Chris grabbed my other arm, which I was using as my own pillow, and adjusted it so she could lay her head on my forearm. She put one hand below her side and another inside her pocket, presumably to keep them warmer.

Is she doing this on purpose?! She's already worse than Megumin! Why can't the girls in this world be more upfront about these things?!

"Good night, Assistant-kun." Chris said timidly.

"... Good night, Boss."

She quickly fell asleep, while I was still wide awake, still thinking about the situation in front of me. The cold made it even harder to sleep. Thoughts filled my head for over an hour until I finally fell asleep.

---

Part 9 - Megumin

We chose a quest to take down a Rookie Killer. The guild receptionist said they were causing problems lately, so their bounty has gone up significantly, fetching one million eris each.

We were out in the open plains outside of Axel. It was nice and warm, today.

"If we find some weak enemies like goblins, we should run into one!" Aqua announced.

"I remember the last time we ran into one…" Darkness trembled while breathing heavily. "Fond memories…"

"F-Fond memories? So you guys took it down without any issues?" Yunyun, who was clueless about Darkness's true character, asked.

"Don't worry about it, Yunyun." I interjected.

"Actually, it went horribly. Some blonde adventurer named Dust took Kazuma's place for a simple goblin-killing quest when we ran into it. Darkness and I got attacked by it, and Dust had to shoo it away with Megumin's staff because Megumin already used her Explosion on the open plai– Hey, what are you doing, Megumin?!"

I had to stop Aqua from spreading preposterous claims in front of my rival.

Wait, what did she just say?

"Aqua, did you say Dust used my staff to fight that Rookie Killer?"

"... Yeah, why?"

"... No reason."

We'll have a little chat the next time we meet.

"So, you're an advanced magic user, right?" Darkness said to Yunyun.

"Y-Yeah, why?"

"Can you tell us more about your spells? I haven't seen many other magic spells besides Explosion."

"Oh! U-Umm, sure… I recently learned Flash, which–"

"Never mind that! Why learn other types of magic when you can learn Explosion magic?!"

"But, Megumin, Explosion magic is a gimmick spell. It's not always useful…"

"Nonsense! Why skirt around with other magic when you can just blow them up in one shot?!"

"I-I understand, but–"

"It seems someone needs a demonstration." I pointed my staff towards a forest nearby and started chanting.

"W-Wait, what are you doing, Megumin?!"

"... Explosion!"

I consumed a large chunk of the forest with my Explosion.

"See, Yunyun, why learn other magic when you can just do this?" I said as I collapsed to the ground.

"A-Are you crazy, Megumin?!" Yunyun exclaimed while looking around, trying to examine the reactions of Aqua and Darkness, who appeared calm about the whole situation. "How are you guys so calm?!"

"Now, come join me in the path of Explosions…" I extended a hand to her.

That's when I heard a frightened squeak from Aqua.

"Is that… a giant toad?!" Darkness pointed at something on the horizon and started blushing with excitement. "I've always wanted to be eaten by one!"

"W-W-W-What did you say, Darkness?" I asked out of fear.

"Look what you've done, Megumin!"

"What do you mean, Yunyun?! All I did was showcase the power of Explosion!"

"My duty as a Crusader is to protect my companions from those foul beasts standing in front of me!" Darkness yelled as she charged towards a giant toad.

"There's more approaching! Save us, Yunyun!" Aqua exclaimed.

"L-Light of Saber!"

"Thank you, Yunyun!" Aqua pleaded.

I couldn't see what was going on due to my current state, so I could only listen to what they were saying.

"Yunyun, Aqua, behind you!" I yelled. My head was facing the area behind them.

They turned around and saw it, too. A group of five giant toads.

"... Yunyun… Don't let me get eaten…" I pleaded, but it was too late. The two girls were being chased away by four of the giant toads, while one was standing right above me.

I closed my eyes and waited for my fate.

…

"Waahhhh, I've been defiled…!"

I slowly opened my eyes. I found myself mounted on Yunyun's back.

"I can feel every inch of my body covered in slime… This is what I've been waiting for since I joined the party…"

"I'm almost out of mana… Sniff…"

We were all covered in slime.

"Oh, I'm alive… What happened?" I asked.

Yunyun sighed. "We all got eaten by giant toads, but I was barely able to escape with my magic and save everyone. This is your fault, Megumin!"

"How is it my fault?! You were the one who called Explosion magic a gimmick spell. I had to set the record straight."

"And it still is! You haven't convinced me– Ow ow ow! Stop squeezing my neck!"

"How many Demon King's generals have you beaten, Yunyun?"

"That's not my point! I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to learn some other magic, just in case."

"Explosion magic is the only magic I need! You should join me on the path of Explosions! Maybe you'll finally be accepted into a party for once."

"I don't have problems joining a party! I'm just taking my time…"

"What's that?" Aqua interrupted, pointing at something in front of us.

I plopped my head onto Yunyun's shoulder in defeat.

"R-Rookie Killer!" Yunyun cried out.

---

Part 10 - Kazuma

"... Hello again, Kazuma-san."

"Hey, Eris-sama."

I was sitting on a chair in a familiar room.

"Kazuma-san… Good grief, how are you so calm? What happened to you this time?"

Sitting in front of me was the goddess of Luck and Fortune, Eris.

"Phew, this place really is the best place to relax. How do I say it, I feel rejuvenated just by meeting Eris-sama."

This place is reserved for dead souls waiting to be reincarnated, so ending up here is not something that should be taken lightly.

But… I was relaxed, lounging on the chair with my head down.

Was it because of this place? Or the flawless beauty of a goddess in front of me?

"... Are you okay, Kazuma-san?" Eris said while scratching her cheek.

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"... It's strange to see you this calm."

"Why wouldn't I be when you're here?"

For some reason, being here was very comforting.

"Sigh… You really need to stop dying so much, Kazuma-san."

"Sorry, Eris-sama…" I looked up. "I don't even know how I died, anyway."

"... Wait, really?" Eris scratched her cheek troublingly. "Let me take a look."

She pulled out a reflective orb from behind her back and stared at it. I was observing her facial expression, which started with the same worry she had earlier, before it turned into it filled with focus.

Then… confusion. She leaned in closer, the confusion on her face growing.

Then she looked back at me. "I have no idea, Kazuma-san. All I'm seeing is you falling asleep in a tent on a cold night. You couldn't have frozen to death because you were huddled up with someone for warmth."

"So how did I die, then?" I leaned forward, now completely confused.

That scenario she described is something I remember doing just now.

She looked back at the crystal for another brief moment. "Oh, I see it now."

"What is it?"

She put the reflective orb back behind her, leaned back, and smiled.

I was waiting for Eris to say something, but she hasn't said anything. Instead, she sat there for several moments before she started scratching her cheek.

And that was the last thing I saw before the entire scene changed.

I opened my eyes.

I was no longer in Heaven. I was inside a tent, the brightness of the sky creeping through it.

As I took a moment to take in my surroundings, I finally understood what happened.

It was just a dream.

I took a deep breath. But when I tried to get up, something was holding my arm down.

Resting on my arm, still sleeping, was Chris. Her body was still pressed up against mine. My other arm still laid across her stomach.

Looks like I woke up before her.

… I think I'll stay here a little longer.

After all, how often do you find yourself in a situation like this? There's a girl, who's sleeping soundly right next to me, with almost the entire back of her body still pressed up against the front of mine. And she was the one who made all the moves, not me!

As I stared into the back of her head, I was left with nothing else to do but think. Her hair seemed to match that of the other goddess perfectly. Even the little strand of hair that extends out to the side. Her mannerisms also seem to match those of the goddess, as well. They both would scratch their cheek whenever they were troubled.

It's like this devout Eris Cultist was a perfect representation of the goddess herself.

I couldn't help but quietly chuckle at that thought.

I'd like to think I'm not one of those typical dense isekai protagonists.

I know I'm certainly not someone who would leave it at that.

No. It's obvious that the person currently resting against my arm and pressed up against the entire front of my body was the goddess Eris herself.

And almost as if it were fate, her head started moving.

"Good morning, Boss."

I think I'll wait for the right moment to make the reveal.

"Ugh…" Chris groaned as she shifted her head towards the sky. "Good morning, Assistant-kun…"

"How long are you going to rest on my arm? It's already numb."

Chris turned her head further to meet my gaze. "... Oh, right… Sorry." She started getting up.

I finally moved my arm that was being used as a pillow by the both of us, and the pins and needles that surged through the arm distracted me from the sensation of the other arm, which was still resting on Chris as she got up.

"Hey, watch where your hand is going." Chris, still groggy from waking up. "It's on… my…" She trailed off as she saw me wincing in pain as the arm finally regained all of its blood flow.

I pulled my other hand, which was resting dangerously close to her crotch area, away to help nurse my other arm.

"It's already bright out. How long did we oversleep for?" Chris stood up as high as she could.

I was too preoccupied with the pain to respond.

Chris chuckled after finally understanding what was happening. "Hey, your arm was comfortable. I fell asleep easily thanks to that."

I wanted to retort by saying the entire back of her body was comfortable, but now that I knew I could face divine retribution from her, I held my tongue.

"We're already pretty close to Alderp's mansion, so we can just stay here until sunset." Chris turned back to me. "Oh, and thank you again for helping me out with recovering those divine relics."

"... Yeah, yeah." I finally said as the pain started fading away.

We both went outside and walked around the forest, hunting down wildlife for more food.

"Your Snipe skill is really handy, Assistant-kun!"

"Thanks. You should learn it, too, since you have high Luck."

"Hmm… you have a point. Why don't you teach me right now?"

"Yeah, sure."

I demonstrated the skill on an apple hanging from a tree over 40 meters away.

"Oh my… that's some insane accuracy you have there, Assistant-kun." Chris smiled.

Despite being in the Thief class, Chris was able to learn the skill, so I gave my bow and arrows to Chris to try out.

Even though her attack stats were low, she was still able to hit all her targets thanks to her high luck stat.

"This is so much fun, Assistant! Thanks for teaching me this skill." Chris beamed with happiness.

As we walked through the forest, we looked for more targets to shoot down. To preserve arrows, I chose targets that wouldn't damage them.

"Okay, Chris, how about that… one…" I pointed to something that looked like a plant.

Wait, that plant seems familiar.

No, I recognize it now. I felt shivers travel through my body as my past memories of it resurfaced.

It was a tranquility girl.

I remembered our first run-in with one of those things. My stupid party members were practically begging to become food, even trying to protect it from me.

Those monsters either kill you or leave you psychologically scarred. They're never good news, no matter how they look.

"Hey, Boss, you see that plant over there?" I pointed to the monster, hoping Chris didn't recognize it.

"Yeah?"

"That'll be your final target. If you hit that, I'll treat you to some Crimson Beer next time we're in town." I put a finger up. "But I warn you, these things are very tricky to hit."

"Oh? And how will you get Crimson Beer, Assistant-kun?" Chris smirked.

"I'll find a way. All you have to do is land a shot on the head of that plant."

"... Huh? But it looks human…"

"I've seen one of those plants before. That head is just its fruit, but it's poisonous, so we wouldn't be able to eat it anyway." I lied through my teeth.

"... I see." Chris lifted the bow and aimed an arrow at its head.

"Why is the head bobbing like that?"

"That's why I said I'd treat you to some Crimson Beer. They're very hard to hit." I provoked Chris.

"Makes sense. However…" Chris looked at me.

Crap! Did she catch on to my plan?

"... You underestimate me, Assistant-kun!" Chris smirked and immediately turned back to her target. "Snipe!"

The arrow soared through the air and… missed the tranquility girl's head by inches, causing her to flinch and cover herself with her arms.

"Huh, why did it move like that?" Chris squinted her eyes. "... Wait a minute…!"

"You missed? Ah, that's fine, just try again."

I was surprised she missed that with her high Luck.

"Th-That's a tranquility girl, you monster!" Chris took hold of my collar and started shaking. "You tried to make me shoot a sentient being! How could you, Kazuma?!"

"O-Oh, it was a tranquility girl…?" I feigned ignorance, putting a hand behind my head. "Whoops, my bad."

"You knew! You definitely knew!" Chris teared up. "Go and apologize to that poor girl!"

"It's a monster, you idiot! It preys on people like you!"

"Kazuma is so heartless! You're so heartless!"

"Gah! Fine, we don't have to kill it! But I'm not apologizing to that bitch!"

"I thought you were kind and sweet on the inside!"

We eventually returned to camp without saying another word. Chris kept her distance, avoiding me like a devil ready to pounce on her at any moment.

---

Part 11 - Megumin

We stared down at the Rookie Killer, as it did towards us.

"I can feel this perverted beast mentally stripping me slowly until I'm bare…!" Darkness trembled. "Just look at it. It's practically salivating at the thought…"

"I-I didn't know they were like that…"

"They're not like that, Yunyun. Just ignore her." I corrected.

"My duty as a Crusader is to make sure that foul beast doesn't humiliate my friends! If you must, do it to me…!" Darkness yelled as she charged towards the Rookie Killer.

"I'm still angry about what happened last time! I won't let you get away with defiling a goddess this time!" Aqua joined Darkness. "God Blow!"

Yunyun and I watched the two make a fruitless effort to subdue the beast. Aqua landed the punch, but it only succeeded in provoking the beast into biting her head. Darkness had her sword out but was making no attempt to swing it. Instead, she dropped her sword while it ravaged at her.

"Do something, Yunyun!"

"I'm almost out of mana!"

"What do you mean?! Are you telling me those giant toads already got you beat? How do you expect to be my rival?"

"You're not in a position to talk, Megumin! I'm putting you down for a minute!" She set me down on the ground and picked up my staff.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing with my staff?!"

Yunyun ignored me and charged towards the Rookie Killer with my staff.

"Flash!"

Her newly-learned magic was successful in blinding it… and the rest of us.

Yunyun was able to successfully scare it away, but using Flash drained the rest of her mana, so now Darkness was carrying us both while Aqua was complaining about her head injury.

Quest failed.

"Let's take a bath together!" Aqua beamed with excitement.

"Good idea, Aqua."

"Ehh? A-Are you sure it's okay for me to join you guys? I'm not in your party after all…"

"Yes! Come join us, Yunyun!" Aqua walked up to her, excited.

"Great idea, Aqua! I need to have a long discussion with Yunyun about the way she treated my staff. We can do that while we're in the bath."

"I had to, Megumin! Our lives would've been in danger, otherwise!"

"Don't you have that lame sword or something?"

"I didn't bring it with me today…"

"You always come unprepared, Yunyun. This is why you always lose to me!"

"You two children, stop fighting." The person carrying us both like potato sacks said.

"Who are you calling a child?!" I started flailing my hands at Darkness.

"Hey, stop it! Hmm… I don't mind this treatment, though…"

As we failed our quest, we headed straight back home, and into the changing room. As we undressed, Aqua filled the bath and heated it.

"Hurry up, Yunyun. You haven't taken anything off yet."

"S-Sorry! It's just that… I'm not used to this…" Yunyun fidgeted.

"It's just us girls taking a bath. There's no Kazuma the brute here to peep on us." Darkness assured.

"I suppose…"

The rest of us entered the bath.

"Ahh… I feel so much better…" I immediately relaxed.

Darkness let herself droop into the bath until only her head was unsubmerged. "Aqua's water is amazing… I can feel the toad slime melting away instantly…"

"Of course! My powers are second to none!" Aqua boasted.

"Hey, hurry up and get in, Yunyun!" I yelled towards Yunyun, who had just finished undressing and was wearing a towel.

"S-Sorry!" Yunyun recoiled before slowly walking towards the bath.

"Leave the towel behind. You don't need it."

"Ehh?! U-Umm… Okay…" Yunyun got even more timid.

"Come on, how do you expect to compete with me when you can't even bare yourself in front of your own gender, while I've already bathed with Kazuma and slept on top of him?"

"Ehh?!" x3

I immediately froze. I was so focused on teasing Yunyun that I forgot there were other people here.

"Megumin, you… You… bathed with Kazuma?! And… And what do you mean by 'slept on top' of him?!" Darkness quickly stood up, and started trembling.

"When he cried for my help that time, I thought he dragged you into it…" Aqua leaned forward a little bit. "But you said that with so much pride… It's like you agreed to it."

"Not only did my rival take a bath with another man, but she also slept with him…" Yunyun grew flustered and started muttering something I couldn't quite make out.

"W-W-W-Wait, let me explain!" I yelled, waving my hands.

"I'm telling everyone in the guild hall about this!"

"Please don't do that, Aqua!"

Yunyun covered her face with both hands to cover her crimson red face. "I-I'm sorry! You can have this victory!" She backed away. "I can't believe the Megumin, who was never interested in romance, only explosions, would so proudly proclaim she slept with another man…!"

"It's no wonder you were so jealous when Princess Iris wanted Kazuma to keep her ring!" Darkness struck another dagger in this incredibly embarrassing situation.

"That loliNEET has truly corrupted our young, pure archmage! I'm gonna knock some sense into him the next time I see him!"

"I-I-It's not like that, you guys!" My body from the shoulders up was red.

"So… he forced you into it…?" Aqua asked curiously.

I paused. Technically, he pushed me into those situations a little bit, but I also made those choices myself.

"N-No, not r-really…–" I timidly held my hands.

"So it was your choice! Megumin, you tsundere!" Aqua shot up and ran to the changing room. "I have to tell everyone about this!"

"Do not!" I chased after Aqua.

---

Part 12 - Kazuma

It's been a few hours since that tranquility girl incident.

We silently packed up our things and headed for Alderp's mansion.

As we were walking through the forest, I felt a tug on my sleeve.

"Sorry for the way I acted earlier, Assistant-kun… I understand those things are monsters."

"It's fine, Boss. Sorry I tried to trick you into killing it."

"As terrible as it is, I could've gotten several levels from killing it…"

"Right? I had to deal with one earlier, but the girls with zero survival instincts wouldn't let me kill it. If I wasn't there to drag them out, they would've been plant food."

Chris chuckled. "You sure have your hands full with those girls, huh?"

"Yep."

Chris smirked. "If you had to pick one of those girls, who would you choose?"

What's a goddess like Eris doing, asking questions like these?

"What kind of question is that?"

"Just answer it." Chris elbowed me.

"... Let's see. If I had to choose between a goddess that immediately loses all attraction I ever had for her the moment she opens her mouth, a chuunibyou loli with a screw loose who refuses to learn any other spell besides the most destructive one, or a busty tank who, just like Aqua, immediately loses all attraction I ever had for her the moment she opens her mouth?"

Chris giggled. "So… who?"

Who would I pick? I genuinely don't know. Aqua is definitely out of the question. Darkness has my ideal body type, and as weird as she is, I could probably bear with her. Megumin, on the other hand, doesn't have my preferred body type and has been only giving me mixed signals.

I think I would choose Darkness.

But that wouldn't be my final answer.

"Why would I pick any of those three, when I have the goddess Eris standing right next to me? I think I'd pick her." I said, casually.

It took a moment for Chris to fully process what I'd implied. She turned away and started scratching the scar on her cheek. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not Eris-sama, okay? But I can't say I'm not flattered…"

"When Eris-sama was troubled, she would scratch her cheek."

Chris immediately lowered her arm slowly.

"You also use honorifics when calling Aqua by name. You call everyone else directly by name."

Chris said nothing for a moment before sighing. "I guess you caught me, huh? As expected of my underling, well done, Assistant-kun."

"It's no wonder you were so flustered when I was complimenting Eris-sama that night." In a completely casual manner, I teased her. "When I was talking about how she was the prettiest girl I've ever met and how my heart skipped a beat when I first saw her…"

"H-How are you so casual about this?!" Chris immediately looked away, trying to hide her red face. Unfortunately for her, the redness spread far enough for me to see.

It's true that I didn't feel any sense of nervousness at all. In fact, I was calmer than before, but I didn't know why. Was it because she was an untouchable existence, a goddess whom I admired? Or was it because she was my friend Chris, who did stupid things with me, like forming a thieving band and now becoming wanted fugitives together?

"Wait." I put a finger up. "That means I stole Eris-sama's panties when we first met. Ah, I must apologize for that."

"..." Chris continued looking away, the redness on her face growing.

"I should also apologize for groping you when I caught you infiltrating the mansion. To think I did that to a goddess whom I admire so much–"

Chris turned to face directly ahead and covered her face with her hands. "Stop! Whatever, it's fine! Just don't bring it up again!"

I smiled after completing my objective of teasing her.

Although I wish I could bring up the topic of how I defiled her by stealing everything below her pants and burning them, maybe I'll save that for later.

Chris caught a peek at my expression. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?!" Chris immediately grabbed my collar and started shaking me, her crimson-red face now in full display.

"W-Wait, hold on, stop it! I'm getting dizzy!" I pleaded.

"Sigh… Honestly, you can be a handful sometimes." Chris said, finally calming down.

"So what brings you here, Eris-sama? What's a goddess doing, stealing?"

"Seriously… One of the reasons I'm in this mortal world is to recover divine relics." Chris looked at me with a serious expression. "And please don't use a reverent tone. Speak to me casually, as you did before, no matter what form I take. Please treat me as Chris."

"If you say so, I don't mind, Chris. Unlike a certain goddess who just eats and sleeps while causing debt, you're serious and responsible…"

Her expression softened. "I'm also here to be a friend to a certain noble lady who wished to have companions…" She said while scratching the scar on her cheek again.

Darkness's father mentioned this before. Before she became an adventurer, Darkness used to visit the Eris church daily to pray that she could find adventuring companions. Then, one day, she met Chris, who then introduced her to the rest of us.

"... What can I say? Eris-sama really is a goddess."

"I told you to stop calling me that! … No, but I actually enjoyed adventuring with Darkness." She turned to me with a serious expression. "My real identity is a secret between us two, okay? Nobody else knows but you. Please don't let anyone know, especially Darkness."

Perhaps because Eris was inside that body, every movement of hers seemed very cute. This must be the enhancement of a goddess.

I know of another goddess who was still eating snacks when I died. I wish that useless goddess learned from her example.

"Got it." I looked away. "... Eris-sama."

Chris grabbed my collar and shook me again. "Okay, okay, I won't do it anymore, Chris! Gah–" She let go again and started pouting.

Why was she so cute?!

"So… Chris… Which mannerism and personality is real?" I turned to face her.

Chris made a naughty expression as if she were about to pull a prank. "Between Chris and Eris, which one do you like?"

"I like both." I replied nonchalantly.

"Uh… Oh… Is that so? I wasn't expecting you to respond without hesitation." Chris scratched her cheek again. "I thought you'd be… How should I say this? … The kind of person who hesitates at saying these confession-like words." Chris's gaze wandered uneasily.

"No, I wasn't confessing. I was just stating my plain preference… The tomboy-ish Big Boss and the soothing Eris-sama. I felt neither should be given up. It's cute, either way."

"Ehh?!" Chris immediately snapped her head towards me before turning her head away and taking on a timid pose. "I never thought you would be so confident like this…" Then she smirked and lightly jabbed my side with her elbow. "Considering how nervous you were last night."

"I wasn't nervous! I was just cold." My composure immediately faded away.

Chris giggled. "Whatever you say, Kazuma."

I needed to get my composure back. "Bold words from someone who isn't wearing anything beneath those shorts."

"Gah, why did you have to remind me of that?!" Chris covered her lower area instinctively. "I was getting used to the awkward breeziness…"

"Oh, I see a mansion." I pointed to what appeared to be a giant mansion on the outskirts of Axel.

"Mhm… We're in the right place. That's the mansion Alderp is living in."

As we approached the mansion, I could see everything better. The fences surrounding it, the numerous guards stationed all over the area, and the sheer size of the mansion.

"This is the same one I blew up?! How is it rebuilt so quickly?"

"No idea. But it doesn't matter. We'll wait until it's dark before we enter. Security is extra tight thanks to us being on the run, so we have to be extra careful. Got it, Assistant-kun?"

"Yeah, yeah."

The sun was already setting, but we walked back a bit to avoid detection and waited until it was late at night.

It was time to start our second mission as the Chivalrous Thief Band, formerly known as the Silver-Haired Thieving Group.

… Maybe we could use a better name.