Part 1 - Kazuma
"This can't be happening… Tell me you're okay. Kazuma? Kazumaaaaaa…!"
"I didn't know you played video games, Eris-sama."
"Sorry, I've always wanted to say that."
To avoid the annoying beast that was camping the mansion waiting for us, Eris-sama used her powers to teleport us to the afterlife.
It was a strange feeling, being here but still alive.
Not only that, but both our clothes were clean, with no signs of any blood.
"Ah, Heaven is self-purifying in nature, so our clothes got cleaned up as we arrived here." As Eris-sama watched me examine our clothes, she explained what happened.
"Eris-sama should open up a laundry business. I mean, think about it. You just have to teleport someone's clothes here to get them cleaned. It's basically free money!"
"... That sounds like an idea Aqua-senpai would have."
"Oi, that's insulting."
"Sorry, Kazuma-san. Hey, let's sit down and relax for a bit, shall we?"
"Since you're having fun, I'd like to join in as well. Let's swap seats." I suggested as I walked towards her chair of divinity.
But I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder.
"Don't get carried away now, Kazuma-san. Just because you haven't died this time doesn't mean you should take this place lightly."
She's one to talk, considering the first thing she said to me when we arrived here!
I wanted to call her out, but that scene from moments ago was still fresh in my head, so I obediently sat down on my chair.
"Now that I think about it, who was running things here while we were goofing off the past few days?"
"We were in a serious situation! If you call it goofing off, it makes me look irresponsible!" Eris-sama's face turned red, and she looked away. "Seriously… Usually, if someone is waiting for too long, another coworker of mine covers for me. Ah, I should definitely apologize to them…"
"What can I say? Eris-sama really is a goddess."
"Please stop saying that every time; it's embarrassing." She looked away again.
"If I remember correctly, you said Aqua was your superior, right? I still don't get it. You're way more responsible and kinder than her, and you have a much bigger following than her."
"W-Well–"
"Not to mention she gets off on mocking my death and slandering your good name by spreading rumors about your pads."
"They're not pads." Her expression turned serious.
"I-I don't mind at all." I couldn't help but stutter after feeling the atmosphere turn cold.
"They're not."
"You're right, I won't mention it again." I tried to escape the hole I foolishly dug myself in before I received her divine retribution. "But still, why don't you trade places with Aqua? With you on our side, we'd beat the Demon King by tomorrow. Then we'll be exonerated as heroes and live happily ever after!"
"Why would I want to do that? If it's just because you want to hang out with me, we're here already." Eris smiled. "Besides, I can tell Aqua-senpai enjoys being there. She's become a lot more free-spirited ever since you took her with you."
"Huh, really?"
Eris-sama nodded. "She was always extra moody and would take it out on her coworkers and the reincarnates that came her way."
"Yeah, I can confirm that. But I still don't see your point."
"Senpai would always feel bad about the way she treats her reincarnates afterwards and drink until she blacked out and forgot about it." Eris closed her eyes. "From what I've seen, she's happier than ever with you, Kazuma-san."
Well, this is certainly new to me.
Aqua has a gentle side to her after all. She just doesn't show it then.
And despite me dragging her to the fantasy world with me out of spite, she became happier?
"Think about it. Aqua-senpai never left your side no matter how you treated her, even though she's used to being doted on, being considered a superior by most in here, including myself. I know it's easy to get wrapped up with the big moments, but think about the smaller moments where she cared for you."
I couldn't think of the good moments Eris-sama was talking about.
… But I also couldn't imagine my days in that world without her by my side.
She really didn't leave my side, huh?
I'd like to think it was because she's dependent on me, but she rejected that cheat-wielding swordmaster with tempting offers even though we were both sleeping in the stables.
Eris-sama mentioned that Aqua would feel bad about how she treated her reincarnates.
Was this her way of making it up to me?
As I was having a moment of revelation, she continued.
"So that's the story. Kazuma-san, I have a request for you. Next time you see Aqua-senpai, please thank her. After all, your life would've been over much earlier if she hadn't forced me to bend the rules." She smiled. "And please treat her a little better in general. I know she causes trouble sometimes, but she's not trying to be mean."
"Yeah, I guess I will."
I couldn't really make all the connections, but I still understood enough of it.
"Then it's settled. Let's head back." She stood up. "I'll set the teleport destination to the nearest hidden spot to Axel's police station."
"You can do that? Eris-sama really is awesome." I stood up after her.
"We do make a great team. You know what? I think you've proven your worth. I shall promote you all the way to my right-hand man. This means you get to be involved in recovering every divine relic with me and the Chivalrous Thieving Brigade. How about that, Kazuma-san?"
"I refuse."
"B-But I'm giving you this opportunity of a lifetime!"
"No way! Unlike you, I don't have an itch to commit crimes in the same world I'm overlooking. I just want an easy life."
"It's not an itch! I'm doing this for the sake of the world, so please don't paint me as a bad actor!"
"... You really are a goddess, Eri–"
"I just told you not to say that!" Eris-sama pouted. "The way you say it makes it feel like an underhanded compliment!"
"Ah, she really is smarter than Aqua. Sorry, Eris-sama, I couldn't resist!" Eris-sama gave me an angry look, so I panicked and tried to calm her down.
"Why are you so good at pushing people's buttons, Kazuma-san? Seriously…"
"But actually, though, can we focus on getting out of this situation first? I'd like to live my life peacefully, not get chased down by the royal army."
"I'd prefer that, too. Okay, we'll keep a low profile from now on. But first, we should turn in that evidence at the police station." She gave me a look of concern. "You did double-check everything, right? Considering it came from Hell, there has to be something to it."
"I didn't see any mention of our names, so we should be fine."
"Okay, okay. Let's go, then."
"I'm going to miss this place…" I looked back at the chairs. "It's very soothing here, especially with you."
"Y-You really shouldn't associate this place with any positive feelings, Kazuma-san." Eris-sama glanced at me with concern as she opened a portal.
"Eh, I've been here often, so I'm used to it anyway."
"Well, you better thank Aqua-senpai for that, too." She said, before turning away and mumbling to herself. "I've broken so many rules lately…"
"I'll keep that in mind. Aay, where does this portal take us?"
"It's right at the doors of the police station. The coast is clear, but the sun is rising, so let's hurry."
"That's super convenient. Can we use that more often?"
She grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the portal with her, disregarding my question.
After a brief flash of light, we were standing in front of the building.
"Okay, so the police are likely on their way here for the morning shift. There's a few inside on their night shift, but none are at the front desk right now, so be quick, Assistant-kun." Eris-sama, now transformed back to Chris, informed.
I nodded and gently opened the door, but it made a slight creak sound, so I closed it.
"Here, let me open it." She said as she opened the same door wide without making a single sound.
"What the hell? How come it doesn't make noise when you're the one who opens it?"
"I'll explain later. Just hurry!" She used her hand motions to push me along.
I activated Lurk and tiptoed my way across the room.
When I reached into my bag, it inevitably caused a slight ruffling sound, so I just dropped off the whole bag on the counter and escaped without anyone being alerted.
We made it out of sight just as the first person from the morning shift arrived.
"Good job, Assistant-kun. You're getting really good at this."
"I had a lot of experience sneaking into the kitchen late at night back in my old world. But more importantly, how the hell did you open that door without making any noise?"
"It's a passive skill. The better your thief-related skills are, the better this skill gets. Oh, there's people coming, so let's hurry."
As we made our way towards the gates of Axel, the first set of people started filling the streets, so we activated Lurk and took many detours to avoid being seen.
Once we made it to the gates, I could see that it was completely unguarded and the gate was closed.
"Okay, nobody's around, so let's open the gate ourselves." Chris said.
"Wait, hold on, Boss. I see someone standing on the other side."
"Who is that, Assistant-kun?"
"Not sure, but my Enemy Detect isn't activating, so it might be safe."
"If you say so." She looked ahead with a tinge of worry.
After one last scan of our surroundings, we opened the gate ourselves and started to sneak along the border walls when that lone figure shouted at us.
I couldn't make out what they said, but it was a familiar voice.
I stopped in my tracks, and so did Chris.
Now that we were closer, I could see the figure more clearly.
As soon as I recognized who it was, I got into a combat stance, and so did Chris.
"Hey, White Suit. I know you're a white knight for my little sister and all, but do we really have to do this?"
I teased Claire, who looked uneasy while facing us.
Part 2 - Kazuma
What's Claire doing here at this hour?
Was she searching for us? If so, why would she do it alone?
I couldn't think of a good answer. The more I thought about it, the more questions I had.
"Kazuma-dono! I'm sorry for everything I did!" Claire dropped her sword and ran towards me. "I can't get you out of trouble, so let me offer you my body in return!"
Ho? This is an unexpected development.
In the past few days, I pulled off some crazy things.
Maybe I'm finally starting to get the respect I deserved since I first arrived in this world.
Even the uptight and prideful Claire was putting herself in this state for me, to the extent that she was even willing to offer her body as a way to make up for how she treated me before.
"Ehh?!" Chris backed away in shock. "Assistant-kun, isn't this the same woman we fought at your mansion?"
"Okay, I guess it's come down to this. I'll gladly take your offer. Boss, please turn around for a moment."
I couldn't deny such an enticing offer.
"W-W-What are you saying, Assistant-kun?! Don't tell me you're actually considering it?"
"Why wouldn't I? She's the one offering it after all."
"You really are scum! Even if she's our enemy, I can't let you take advantage of her like that!"
While we were arguing, Claire suddenly stood up while laughing like a maniac.
Then she grew taller, and her body was a mirage.
"Hahaha! Such delectable dark emotions! Thou thought Moi was the white suit lady pleading for forgiveness, even offering her own body!" Vanir appeared where Claire was. "Oh, the look of disappointment when thee couldn't satisfy thy desires!"
I should've known this encounter was too strange.
"Damn it, what are you doing here?" I said, before suddenly feeling a cold stare from Chris. "H-Hold on, I was just gonna write a letter to Iris on her back, so please calm down, Boss!"
I turned my attention to her to try and clear the misunderstanding, but her cold glare wasn't directed at me at all.
Oh, right. Vanir was a devil after all.
I forgot what she was like when face-to-face with one.
"Hahaha! The dark emotions from the silver-haired brat are just as potent as the other blue-haired brat! It's no wonder something seemed off about thee!"
"Kazuma… Why does his mask look similar to yours?" Her voice was cold as ice.
Before I could respond, Vanir continued laughing. "As usual, thy wretched goddesses are as unreasonable as ever! Moi foresight may not be as effective on thee, but Moi knows thou admired the mask gifted to the brat by Moi!"
"We all make mistakes." Chris retorted. "Phew! This is definitely the most foul-smelling thing I've ever seen!"
"Hahaha! The underling of that plumbing goddess is lying as usual! Oh, what a classic! What a classic, indeed! Moi knows thou can't smell Moi in that form! Hahaha!"
"Hey Vanir, do you have the money?" I asked while Chris sneered at the devil.
"Of course." Vanir reached into his coat, pulled out a large, heavy bag seemingly out of thin air, and handed it to me. "Three-hundred million eris, as promised in the contract."
"Wait. Kazuma, this is the thing you made a deal with!?" Chris ran up to me and shook my collar. "You apostate! I was just about to consider you an honorary Eris Church follower!"
"Hey, calm down! Please let me explain!"
"Muahahaha! The mortal thee grew fond of has gained great benefit from working with thy enemies! Oh, the anger is unparalleled! Today has been a feast of savory dark emotions, Moi can die happy at this very moment! Hahaha!" While I was fighting off Chris, Vanir continued stoking the flame.
Even though Vanir was clearly saying it just to get into her head, he's technically right. Drain Touch has been an essential skill for me, and the money I just retrieved from him would go a long way.
Chris stopped shaking my collar as she was successfully provoked by Vanir, and drew her enchanted dagger to attack him.
"Thou art just as problematic as the other brat, and yet just as pathetic!" Vanir continued taunting as he dodged Chris's swings.
On one of her swings, Vanir took the mask and threw it ahead of him, causing his temporary body to crumble, and a new body to rise where the mask landed.
"Get back here and let yourself be exorcized like a good devil!" Chris yelled as she ran towards his new body.
"Stop being obnoxious, girl who can feel the air from down there!"
"You actually said it! Now I really can't hold back anymore!"
"Moi does have to thank you two for the help." His words made Chris stop in her tracks. "Maxwell was tied to that landlord by his contract, but thanks to you, Moi was able to retrieve my kin."
Now that I think about it, the arm that reached out from the portal and pulled Maxwell inside was the exact tuxedo Vanir was wearing.
"So it was you! Bring him back here so I can finish him off while you wait in line for your turn!" Chris roared.
"Hahaha! As unreasonable and arrogant as ever! All thy followers have gotten to thy head!"
Chris growled and swung her dagger again.
Vanir continued. "Thou took a lot of his lives, which is inconvenient, but it is what it is." Vanir continued talking while dodging her swings.
"He's lucky you were there to save his ass, or else I would've taken them all!"
"Thou should be thanking Moi, unreasonable brat! After all, Moi was also the one who filled the room with evidence of the landlord's wrongdoings, saving thee the hassle."
"So that was you?" I asked while their physical exchange continued.
Knowing Vanir, if he was the one who released all that evidence, he would definitely benefit from it.
Vanir threw his mask over Chris again and rebuilt his body.
"Yes. And I know what your next question is. 'How does it benefit Moi?' A very good question, indeed. Moi is actually surprised thee haven't noticed."
Chris quickly snapped back to where Vanir reappeared. "Kazuma, let's hurry back and reclaim that evidence so we can burn it!"
"Hahaha! Thou art too late! Thy police were already on the way when thee left! Hahaha! Thy dark emotions never fail to please Moi!"
"Whatever. But why–"
"'–did the mask you gave me fall off so easily?' Unfortunately, Moi did not foresee this. Thou was extra reckless that night."
"As expected of a low-rate devil, always so unreliable." Chris sneered. "Kazuma, if you really need more money, I'll let you take a cut of all the rewards from our heists, as long as you promise not to work with this thing anymore."
"Thou think thee can tempt the boy who saw more than he should have with pocket change? Moi offers a lucrative sum for simple business that pales in comparison!"
"Wait, don't bring that up!"
"What are you talking about, Kazuma?" Chris gave me a puzzled look.
If she knew what I saw earlier, Eris-sama knows what she'd do to me.
"Hahaha! Moi already sees through thy plan to cause a distraction before the silver-haired nuisance finds out! Oh, Moi can sense thy dark emotions building up! Hahaha!"
"Kazuma, please wait here for a minute. I'll transform and shoo away this devil, then give you my ultimate blessing so that thing cannot feed off your dark emotions anymore."
Vanir got so carried away, Chris ended up being distracted anyway.
"This isn't going anywhere." I set the giant bag of money down on the ground. "Why are you here?"
"Moi heard what happened. Moi did not foresee the mask being knocked off due to thy recklessness. That's why Moi is here."
"Is that the only–"
"Of course not, boy. Moi is here for another reason." Vanir opened a coat. "Can Moi interest you in some wares–"
"Kazuma, watch out!" Chris lunged at Vanir with her dagger. "He was about to fire a laser at you from that tuxedo of his or something!"
Vanir dodged the swing again. "Buzz off, goddess of luck and no skill! The adults here are busy at work!"
"Damn it, why are you so hard to hit?! Kazuma, why aren't you helping me fight him?!" Chris returned to her battle stance.
"Just let him talk. Are the items you're planning to sell me defective in some way?"
"Not this time, brat." Vanir dug into his tuxedo coat and pulled out two rings. "These are specially crafted by a top craftsman in thy crazy mage's village. It disguises the user by transforming their features to make them unrecognizable."
So does this mean we could safely navigate through town without getting caught?
"Indeed, boy!" Vanir continued, answering my question without me ever asking it out loud. "Of course, such a valuable item will have a heavy price."
"Offer rejected!" Chris interrupted. "Kazuma, don't fall for his tricks!"
"Butt out, modest-sized woman who often gets confused for a boy! Thou art just as irritating as the other nuisance!"
"Oh, now you're asking for it!" Chris charged at Vanir.
I sat down on the money bag as they duked it out.
"Vanir-style Death Ray!"
Chris dodged his attack and finally landed a swing at his arm, and his body crumbled.
"Ha! How does that feel now?! Good riddance. Okay, Kazuma, we have a lot of talking to do." Chris boasted as Vanir predictably reformed from where he was last struck.
"Hahaha! When thou thought you won, thou lose! Oh, what a swell of dark emotions! Today has been the best day of Moi long life! Hahaha!"
Chris growled and returned to fighting Vanir once again.
Her combat skills were impressive despite being in the Thief class.
When Vanir's deathray created a hole on the border walls, I finally intervened before they could attract more attention from the inside.
I shouted from afar. "Hey Vanir, I'll buy the rings!"
During that time, I decided I would buy the rings as long as they didn't exceed 25 million eris.
If the rings worked properly, it would give us a lot more freedom.
"Excellent, boy! Hey, get away from me, brat! playtime is over!"
"Playtime?! You're lucky I'm not in my divine form!"
Now that they were no longer fighting, I approached them.
"I don't like him either, but aside from being annoying and deceptive, he hasn't hurt anyone."
Chris paused for a moment. "... Fine. Just get this over with."
"Thank you for taming this wild beast, brat! Now, as for the cost of each ring, I'll be offering exactly 12,500,000 eris."
This devil…! Of course he read my mind and charged the maximum amount.
"That's way too much! How about you give them to us for free as thanks for me sparing your life?" Chris retorted.
"Oh, pipe down! Are thee not able to resist being a nuisance?! Even thy dull-minded senior backs off once the prospect of making a profit comes into play!"
Chris and Vanir sneered at each other.
"It's a deal!" I yelled over them to shut them up. "Just give me a moment to get the money out of the bag."
"There's no need. Moi has already deducted the amount in advance."
One of my eyes twitched.
Maybe I should give Chris the go-ahead after all.
"Now, Moi has to get going and make sure the landlord's money doesn't end up in that walking money vacuum's hands."
Vanir walked off towards the gates of Axel, leaving us alone.
The sun had already risen past the horizon, so we were very visible to anyone who saw us.
But I could think about one thing.
What did he mean by 'the landlord's money'?
Part 3 - Megumin
"I envy those two…" Darkness quivered. "They must be getting chased down by those lecherous guards ready to torture them for the trouble they had to go through…!"
"Please don't say that, Darkness. You're making me worried." I said while petting Chomusuke.
"I tried offering to take the fall for them, but they wouldn't allow it. What if I also committed a crime to the same degree?"
"I just want us to be back together again." I picked up Chomusuke and hugged her against my chest. "It's been a few days since their last confirmed sighting. They could be anywhere by now."
"Sacred Break Spell!" Aqua barged into the room and cast a bright flash of light onto Darkness.
Darkness seemed unfazed by the impact of Aqua's sudden spellcasting.
Or at least, that's what I thought until Darkness collapsed to the ground.
"Guh…! What a sudden attack by one of my own comrades! I'm being treated like a human punching bag by people I hold dear to…"
"There was an awful stench on you, but you don't need to worry anymore. I removed it completely for you, Darkness!"
"P-Please don't call me smelly! It's rude to call a Crusader that…" Darkness stifled a slight smile.
"Oh, I didn't mean to, Darkness! Here, I made this for you, so please forgive me." Aqua presented a fancy one-piece dress with white and gold colors. "Since you were trying on Megumin's outfit, I made a cute dress just for you. I think it would look great on you!"
"Gurk–" Darkness curled into a fetal position and buried her head into her knees. "T-This wasn't what I was thinking…"
"D-Do you not like it? I worked really hard on this." Aqua lowered the dress with sadness on her face.
Darkness immediately shot back up to her feet and yanked the dress from Aqua. "It's great! Thank you, Aqua-sama! I will forever cherish this!" She said with a strained smile.
"Wait, you were trying on my dress? That explains why it felt a bit more stretched out than usual."
Darkness ran out of the room with tears in her eyes.
"Huh, what's up with Darkness? I already removed a devil's curse on her, but she's still acting strange."
She couldn't understand that Darkness was just embarrassed.
"Wait, I just got the greatest idea on how we can bring Kazuma back! You see, there's this alley that Kazuma seems to sneak off often. If we hang your underwear nearby, it would lure Kazuma for sure!" Aqua beamed.
"That's outrageous! There's no way we're doing that! I know he's a pervert, but why does it have to be my panties?!"
"He's a loliNEET, so your panties would magnetize him from far away! Come on, Megumin, isn't it a genius idea?"
"I think you're thinking too low of Kazuma!"
"Maybe he would go for Darkness's instead." Aqua pondered to herself. "Oh, some guy in armor approached me today and asked about joining the party."
"Huh, who was it?"
"He said his name was… Matsuragi, wasn't it? Apparently he was the one who was defending the castle when Kazuma raided it that night."
"Wait, is that the same guy who had his throat frozen by Kazuma? Maybe he was angry about that, and joining our party is part of his plan to get revenge on Kazuma."
"Now that you say it…" Aqua had a worried look.
"Did he do anything to you, Aqua?"
"Well, he gave me this thing." She took a figurine out of her pocket. "It was supposed to be a figure of me doing my signature Nature's Beauty skill, and it even shoots water streams perfectly! That Matsuragi guy said he spent days in Arcanretia looking for this."
"That's… very thoughtful? But where's the head?"
"Oh, it got knocked off by accident when I did one of my tricks as a way to thank him." She held up the figure and activated the water streams, showing most of the water escaping through the head instead of the two hands.
"That definitely looked very expensive."
Aqua shrugged. "It would've made a great addition to my room, too!"
"Kazuma and Chris just broke into Alderp's mansion last night!" Darkness swung the doors wide open, startling us.
"Wait, did they get caught?" I asked, quickly standing up along with Aqua.
"No, they got away again. They were last spotted right outside the walls of Axel a few hours ago, but then they suddenly disappeared. We think they might still be in town."
"In town?!" x2
"Yes, but they could also be back in the woods."
"Well, let's hurry up and go look for them!" I ran and grabbed my hat and cloak.
"I'll stay here in case Kazuma decides to come here." Aqua said while sitting on the couch.
"No, you're coming with us, Aqua. If the house is empty, he might be more likely to crash here."
"Yeah, you're right. I'll go with you guys, then!" Aqua beamed.
"..." x2
"... What? Why are you guys looking at me like that?"
We both thought she was trying to be lazy as she usually is, even in this situation, but as it turns out, she really was thinking about Kazuma.
"Ah, it's nothing." Darkness collected herself and started walking out the door. "Let's go, then!"
"Waah! Seriously, why did you two look at me like that?"
Part 4 - Kazuma
"Y-You look like the most chuuni-est Crimson Demon I've ever seen!" Chris struggled to contain her laughter.
She insisted we test the rings first before we entered town again.
"What the hell do you mean by that?! Are my eyes red?" I looked at my hands and other areas of my body, but I couldn't see what my disguise looked like.
As long as she wasn't wearing her ring at the same time, she could see it.
"And your hair too! You look like you're about to bust out into your introduction any second!"
"Gah! Maybe I should've let you kill that devil!"
"Yeah, I'm still upset about that. I let two devils get away in one day…" Chris stopped laughing, but she was still grinning, trying to hold it back. "I'll have to find that craftsman in the Crims– your village– and thank them."
"You know what? Put your ring on. I wanna see what you look like."
I took off my ring and watched Chris fidget with it, not putting it on.
"What's the matter? You were talking up a storm, and now you're timid?" I teased her.
"No, it's just that… This thing has the stench of a devil…"
"You're not fooling me. Now hurry up and put it on so I can make fun of you."
"... Fine."
When she put her ring on, her hair and eye color slowly turned brown.
"..."
"Why are you looking at me like that, Assistant-kun? Is it that bad?"
"... It's so normal and boring." I slumped in disappointment, having not gotten my chance to get revenge. "Actually, now that I think about it, you look like Megumin, with the same hair and body."
"Is my body really as developed as Megumin's…?" She slumped while covering her chest.
It looks like I hit a mark.
"Hey, your eye color is different from hers."
She pounced on me with tears in her eyes.
"H-Hey, get off me! You're acting just like her! Ow, ow!"
After Chris calmed down, we slowly put our disguises to the test, letting one person see us at a time.
Within an hour, we were confidently walking down the populated streets of Axel, with no one batting an eye.
As it turns out, we were now the most popular criminals in the entire nation.
There were bounty posters plastered all over town, and the bounty on our heads was valued at 200 million eris. That's right, our bounties were comparable to that of a Demon King's general.
I overheard conversations about the two chivalrous thieves that managed to storm the entire royal castle, successfully stealing a priceless treasure from the princess.
I was grinning almost the entire time, while Chris looked nervous.
"I can't believe this thing actually works…" Chris fidgeted with the ring on her finger. "But I still have a bad feeling."
"Well, we already tested it, and nobody has bat an eye. I think it's just your prejudice against devils speaking."
"'Prejudice' makes it seem like it's not justified. Devils are the lowest of the lowest beings in existence. They can only survive through our dark emotions. Just think of the worst things to exist, and even the best-behaved devil in your eyes is still way worse than– Are you even listening?!"
"Yes, yes, devils bad. I completely understand."
I couldn't tell her about the good devils hosting a secret cafe in this town.
Now that I think about it, could I still use their services?
They run their own illegal business after all, so I doubt they'd care about serving a criminal of my caliber.
They don't care about money, so they wouldn't turn me in for the bounty.
Chris started complaining about being hungry, which made me realize I was also hungry, so we went to the guild hall.
After we ordered our drinks, Chris spoke. "Tell me, what was your life like before you died? And don't try to exaggerate anything. The almighty Eris-sama sees all." She smiled and winked.
"If that's the case, then why bother asking me?"
"I wanna hear it from you."
"What's the difference?" I sighed while Chris just kept looking at me. "... Fine, if you insist, but my life back then was boring. All I did was play video games and skip school."
"Hmm… You didn't have any love interests?"
"Why do you always ask those questions, Boss?"
"It's always something I found fascinating, even though I never understood it."
"Huh, really? I guess I did have one years ago. Long story short, we were very close and even made a promise to marry each other when we became adults. But one day, I saw her riding away on a motorcycle with an upperclassman. She had her hands on his chest and everything."
"That's awful! What did you do to her?"
"Why are you blaming me?! I didn't do anything, or at least I don't think I did. If you're really curious, just know that love is overrated. You should consider yourself lucky you didn't have to experience it."
"Now, now, I don't think you should give up on it." Chris gave me a reassuring smile.
"The girls I've met in this world are either crazy or have some glaring flaw that makes it hard for me to be attracted to them. Plus, my reputation here is low due to the rumors, so it's not like I have a choice anyway."
"It's rude to call your goddess majorly flawed." Chris made a fake pouting face.
"You're not from this world, though."
"Maybe not, but you still shouldn't rule me out just yet. Just because I don't understand it, doesn't mean I won't try it for myself." She winked.
"Okay, wanna go on a date?"
"No thanks."
"What the hell? You tricked me!"
"Hey, I never said I would accept." She giggled mischievously. "Don't look so disappointed now, Assistant-kun. You'll find a great someone someday. Might I recommend Darkness?"
"... Maybe you do understand romance after all."
"Okay, rude thing to say to her friend. How about Megumin then? You two have been getting closer recently."
"... Let's change the topic."
Chris let out a wry grin. "Heeh? Just when things are getting interesting? Okay, what about Aqua-senpai?"
We both stared at each other for a moment before erupting into laughter.
Just then, a familiar voice caught our attention.
"Those eyes… You must be a Crimson Demon!" Megumin sat down next to Chris and said to me. "And that red hair, too. I don't remember seeing you around in the village, though."
"Huh? What are you– Oh."
I forgot my real identity was hidden here.
"We're from Elroad." Chris interjected.
"There's Crimson Demons all the way in Elroad? That's amazing!" Megumin beamed. "So what are your names?"
I wasn't prepared for this at all. We were supposed to be hidden among the crowd, but here we were, being confronted by one of my own party members.
Is there even a point in hiding our identity around her? I don't think she'd give us away if she found out.
The guild hall was particularly empty right now.
I'll just whisper it and tell her to act normal.
"Dareloth." Chris nonchalantly provided a cover name for herself. Of course, that name seemed to match a character from the Elder Scrolls video game.
Unable to think fast enough, I chose a generic video game character name.
"Zelda." I muttered.
Shit, I just used a girl's name.
"Zelda? That doesn't sound like a Crimson Demon name, and there was no flashy introduction, but I suppose your culture must be different in Elroad. Well, let me introduce myself. My name is Megumin! I'm the wielder of the almighty Explosion magic, the strongest magic that took down several generals of the Demon King's army, and the #1 archwizard in all of Axel!"
This situation was already very awkward as is, and her introduction attracted the attention of everyone in the guild hall, which didn't help at all.
"Since you're a Crimson Demon, you must have a natural affinity for magic! Say, have you learned Explosion magic?"
"Well–"
"Explosion magic is the strongest spell in all of humankind! With it, you won't need any other spell! What do you say? Would you like to join me in the path of Explosions?"
"Ah? Well, you see, I'm in the Thief class, and so is… Zelda here." Chris interjected once again.
"What the hell are you saying?" I interjected.
"Wait, you two are in the Thief class? Please join my bandit group! It's an extension of the great Silver-Haired Thieving Brigade!" Then she leaned in towards us and said quietly. "Right now, our mission is to find and save Kazuma."
"B-But isn't he with another thief? You shouldn't disregard her, either…" Chris said dejectedly.
"Of course! We'll also look for Chris."
"T-Thanks…" Chris looked down dejectedly.
Megumin, paying no mind to Chris, beamed once again. "Please join our thieving group! We already have two powerful magic users in our group, but we need members that specialize in thievery!"
"We can't join, unfortunately. We're only visiting this town, you see–"
"That's fine! Please still join our group, even if it's temporary! We need all the help we can get to find Kazuma!"
"A-And Chris, too…" She muttered while looking down dejectedly.
"Yeah, Chris too." Megumin half-heartedly continued.
"Come on, Megumin. We gotta hurry up and get to that alley. I already took a pair of Darkness's underwear." Aqua said from behind me, causing me to jump a little. "I still think our plan should work."
"We'll join." I said with no hesitation.
Whatever plan they were cooking up at the moment, I wanted to get involved with it.
"Really?" Chris muttered while staring at me as if I were human scum.
"You will?! Thank you so much! Now, let's get going!"
"Huh, what's going on?" Darkness showed up to the conversation.
"Yeah, who are those two?" Aqua asked.
"They'll be joining us today!" Megumin put a hand towards us.
Darkness had a look of concern. "O-Oh? I'm not so sure about trusting random strangers…"
"Ah, I understand. That's convenient, because we can't help out today, but we'll keep an eye out for them though." Chris pulled down her lower eyelid with a finger and stuck a tongue out at me when the others weren't looking.
"Don't mind her. I'd love to help out!" I stood up with resolve.
"No, you cannot! Please don't mind him, you guys. He can be like this, sometimes."
"Butt out! I'm trying to help my– them out here!"
Chris tried to hide a strained expression. "Please give me a moment to speak with Zelda-kun."
Part 5 - Kazuma
Because of Chris being so difficult, my party decided to leave us alone, and I missed out on my opportunity to handle Darkness's underwear and embarrass her.
"Why did you have to butt in, Boss?! They had such a great plan to lure me!"
"I couldn't let a lecherous man defile my dear friend and get his hands on her panties!"
"Darkness is beyond defiled! You know she would've secretly enjoyed it!"
"... M-Moving on! New topic, please!" Chris tried to refute my argument but realized I was right.
"How about you tell me why we couldn't just tell them it was us? Are you really fine with letting them go on a wild goose chase?"
"It hurts me too, but the heat is still too high at the moment. And it's about to get worse once news of what we did last night arrives in the capital."
"My party would definitely hide us until the heat dies down, so I still don't get it."
"That's the problem. They're your party members, Assistant-kun. And they know that, too, so the royals are definitely keeping a closer eye on them." Chris scratched her cheek. "With that lie-detecting bell, they could be found out at any time."
"I guess I can't argue with that. But what do we do now?"
We were walking down the streets of Axel again, but I wasn't sure where we were going.
"Oh, we're going to a clothing store. I've been going commando for the past few days thanks to a certain someone…"
"Oh, right. Say, how's that feeling of freedom down there?"
Chris covered her lower area while pouting with tears in her eyes.
Once we arrived at the store, I was about to make my way towards the men's section when Chris grabbed my sleeve to stop me.
"Hold on, I haven't gotten my revenge, you know?" Chris was looking down, but she had a smug look on her face.
"Oh? And what exactly are you planning?"
"I'll be making you buy them for me."
"... Huh? How is that supposed to be revenge? The beloved and pure Eris-sama is entrusting me to buy panties for her. That sounds like a reward to me."
"How many times do I have to tell you not to– Never mind. I understand your line of thinking, Assistant-kun. But think about it this way. You're a man looking at panties while surrounded by women who have no idea what your true intentions are."
"That… actually makes sense. But you're forgetting that we're disguised, so why should I care?"
"Who knows how long you'll have to wear that disguise for? With the severity of our crimes, we might have to wear it for years."
Crap, she's right. I can't just recklessly let my desires run free just because it's a fake disguise, especially since I have no idea how to change it.
Chris started pushing me towards the women's section. "And you're not getting out until you find the exact same one!"
I reluctantly walked past a few females who turned to look at me in curiosity.
I ignored them and started scanning the area around me for the exact set of panties she was wearing.
What did her panties look like every time I used Steal on her? Think!
There were way too many women in this place!
Even though I was disguised, this was still way too embarrassing!
I looked at Chris, and she looked away as if she had no idea who I was.
But I could tell she was trying to hide her snickering.
I could hear a few murmurs coming from a few females watching me.
Whatever, I'll just go with it since I did burn her panties after all.
Wait a minute, my books got burned, too.
Why is she the one getting revenge on me? I also suffered heavy losses!
It should be me that's getting revenge on her!
This isn't fair at all!
No, I'm backing out of this. By all accounts, we should've already been even.
While deep in thought, my eyes inadvertently drifted to the sexy underwear. The murmurs from nearby became colder once they realized what I was staring at.
Once I realized what I was staring at, I looked away and started walking towards Chris, but then I stopped.
Chris wants to embarrass me?
Well, I'm in the prime position to do exactly the same to her!
With newfound resolve and confidence, I walked back to the sexy underwear section and grabbed two pairs, one red and one black, and presented them high in the air towards Chris.
Then, yelling loud enough for the entire store to hear, "Did you say you wanted it in red or black for our special night?"
A deafening silence filled the entire store as all eyes were on me and Chris.
I never knew it was possible for someone's face to get that red.
Part 6 - Kazuma
Chris gave me the silent treatment and kept her distance from me for a while.
She escaped the store without buying anything.
It wasn't until we got to an emptier street that she finally spoke.
"I've already decided on your divine punishment." Chris crossed her arms triumphantly.
"Sorry, Chris."
"I've already made up my mind." Chris pouted and looked away. "Every time you need to sneeze from now on, it will always stop just before the release and go away."
I immediately prostrated before her. "I apologize, Chris-sama! Please forgive me; I got carried away!"
I didn't care what divine retribution I got from Eris-sama. Receiving it from my main heroine already means I'd pissed her off enough.
But that punishment was just too extreme for what I did!
"Hmph… I forgive you, but your stock as a man has really dropped."
"That's fine. Phew, the orthodox heroine in my life is no longer mad at me…"
"Already getting carried away, huh?"
"Oh, since I couldn't buy anything for you, I got this." I showed her a pair of boxers. "Something is better than nothing, right?"
"..."
"... J-Just a suggestion. You don't have to glare at me like that…"
This is almost as brutal as getting her divine retribution.
"H-Hey, the inn's right here, so let's just go get ourselves a room, alright?"
Chris glared at me for a moment before snatching the boxers out of my hand and storming inside.
In front of us was one of the fancier inns in town. With how much money I earned, there was no need to cheap out on our new living space, especially when we could lose access to that money at any time.
I entered the lounge after Chris, and I saw her entering the bathroom.
In the meantime, I ordered a room. Fortunately, the front desk clerk gave me the room key without asking for my adventurer card.
I entered the room with Chris following behind me.
After a moment, Chris noticed something was off.
"Huh, why is there only one bed here, Assistant-kun? Surely you have another room for me?"
"The clerk said this was the only room available."
"Even though half the rooms we passed by had an unoccupied sign on it?"
"... Ah, well, you see, that lady said they were expecting a lot of tourists for something. That's what she said."
"I'm not an idiot! Screw this, I'm ordering my own room!"
I watched her storm off back to the front desk. I shrugged it off and treated myself to the bed in front of me.
In the past several days, we had to sleep on the floor in the middle of the woods.
Now we were sleeping in a comfortable bed.
We weren't quite back to living a normal life yet, but I can settle for this.
I expected our lives to become much harder the moment our identities got exposed. But right now, we might just be able to live comfortably and without much worry.
"A-Assistant-kun, could you please spare some change for this lady?" Chris stood at the door sheepishly.
"I can't do that. We're tight on money at the moment."
"Didn't that devil just give you a ton of money?!" Chris had a face of realization. "... Ah, so it was as expected. The money turned out to be fake, wasn't it? I'm sorry to hear that, but you should've expected it when working with devils."
"What? No, that's not the issue. I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep. I'll leave the other side of the bed open for you." I said as I put myself under the covers and closed my eyes while facing her.
"Oh no, you don't!" Chris ran to me and started shaking me. "Come on, if the money isn't fake, then just give me some of it!"
"Hey, stop shaking me! You saw how big the bag was, right? Do you see it on me right now?"
"Wait, what?! Assistant-kun, where did it go?!"
"I hid it somewhere safe right after Vanir left. I didn't wanna carry it everywhere."
"You what?! What if someone finds it?!"
"Don't worry, it won't ever get found. Now let me sleep."
"Sigh…" Chris dejectedly got into bed and turned to face away from me. "If you ever do anything, you'll definitely receive divine retribution, and no amount of apologizing will get you out of this one."
"Relax, I haven't even done anything that night when you put yourself onto me." I reminded her, hoping to embarrass her.
But Chris turned around to face me with a warm smile. "Yeah, you're right. I suppose I should thank you for all your help. Thanks to you, we were able to recover the body-swapping necklace and the monster summoning divine relic. I don't think I could've gotten them without you. I know I said there wouldn't be any reward for doing this, but I didn't want to drag you into this much trouble." Chris closed her eyes and continued. "And I know you're doing fine right now, but I still feel bad about what Maxwell did to you. I promise I'll do my best to get us out of this as soon as possible."
What is this sudden development?
She was sharing a heartfelt moment with me while we were sharing the same bed.
In media and books, this scene usually leads to the male protagonist losing their virginity!
I think I'm getting too far ahead of myself here.
She's simply apologizing for putting me in this situation.
She's a goddess after all. She wouldn't be thinking about anything beyond that.
Now much calmer, I responded. "Yeah, we'll find a way out of this as usual, Boss."
"That's the spirit, Assistant-kun! Good night, even if it's still early in the afternoon."
"Good night, Boss." She replied before immediately falling asleep.
It's been over a day since I last slept, so I was very tired as well.
My mind wandered to admiring the cute, sleeping Eris-sama in front of me before I fell asleep.
Part 7 - Alderp
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
That was a close call.
That brat was more formidable than I thought.
Even though I increased the security, those two thieves still managed to charge through the entire mansion.
My guards were completely useless! If they were actually competent, I wouldn't be in this mess.
My servant was the only one that did anything to them, and even he failed.
Who the hell was the girl that saved the brat anyway?
She had a divine aura to her.
Ugh, that lucky bastard keeps getting miraculously saved at just the right moment!
That must be the only reason he managed to get this far.
It's a good thing I had the teleportation scroll in my pocket when he bound me with his spell.
I've been wading through this forest for over an hour now.
I haven't encountered any monsters since then.
What makes this world so dangerous again?
As usual, the low-life adventurers loved to complain and exaggerate their own suffering just to exploit the hard-working upper class.
Once I find my way out of here, it'll be imperative that I make sure that brat never gets in my way again.
"Help!" A voice from the distance called out.
There was a resounding sense of familiarity with that voice.
"Help! Please help me!"
No, that voice was one I would recognize instantly.
"Lalatina! Is that you, Lalatina? Where are you?" I called out.
"I'm over here! Please help!"
I followed the voice until I saw a blonde-haired knight tightly bound by ropes.
"Alderp-sama, thank Eris, it's you!" Lalatina sighed in relief. "I am completely stuck and helpless, so please help!"
All this time, I had been hunting for the greatest treasure of them all.
And now, despite the setback, it was here, presented to me on a silver platter.
"Is something wrong, Alderp-sama? W-What's with those eyes and that lecherous grin?"
Indeed, I wasn't going to let this opportunity slip away from me again.
I wasted no time getting on my knees to bring myself closer to Lalatina.
"Y-You are going to save me, right?" Lalatina's face became worried.
Her helpless body was squirming in front of me.
Where do I even begin?
In front of me was a priceless treasure. I couldn't waste this opportunity, so I started brainstorming for a long moment.
Her giant pair of assets were bouncing around as she was squirming, tempting me like crazy. That's where I'd begin.
I reached down with both hands and grabbed them.
Except, they easily crumbled into dirt the moment I made contact.
Then Lalatina herself lost her form and crumbled into regular-colored dirt.
And in her place was…
"Hahaha! You thought it was Lalatina, but it was Moi! Oh, what intense dark emotions! How delicious, delicious! Hahaha!"
It was a masked devil that radiated a familiar, dreadful feeling.
"Who are you? Who the hell are you? This chilly feeling… You must be a devil!" I pointed at the devil, who sneered at me.
"Allow Moi to introduce myself. Moi art the devil that can see through everything, Vanir. Moi is here to finish some business with thee."
I could tell this devil was stronger and more competent than Max. It would likely spell disaster for myself if I were to engage with him.
"Thou worked Maxwell really hard and led a depraved life. That's why Moi is here."
Wait, he said he had some business to finish with me, even though this was the first time we met. Is this about Max?
"Moi was about to create an opportunity for that brat to pay off the debt and tell him about thee! But the special-edition mask Moi issued to him was used to hide his identity and was knocked off, ruining thy plan and, in extension, Moi's plan."
Now that he mentioned it, the mask he wore the whole time he was downstairs with us resembled this devil's mask.
"Yes, Moi had to adapt on the fly. When I foresaw that brat headed straight for thy mansion, Moi would allow them to chase thee away, which would void the contract with Maxwell. Hahaha!" Vanir continued.
"Y-You…! Give me my servant back!"
"Servant…? Thou art think Maxwell who is a duke of Hell like Moi a servant? Arrogant shorty who's only strong point's your luck. It just so happened the first devil you summoned was Maxwell. How fortunate. If thou summoned any other devil, the moment the summoning succeeds, thou would be torn to shreds if thee didn't pay the price! However, your luck's really good! The ignorant Maxwell! Powerful, but as simple as a child! It's thanks to him that thee reached thy current position, so thou should repay him properly!"
What the hell was he talking about?
That Max was a duke of Hell?
No, I climbed to my current status by my own power. That devil only contributed insignificantly.
Wait, did he just say he saw this whole event coming?
"And of course, Moi provided them with ample amounts of evidence to ensure all thy wrongdoings will be exposed and all thy wealth confiscated… to Moi, of course! Hahaha! Moi can feel your dark emotions welling up! That's right, Vanir, the devil that can see through everything, declares that thou art penniless!"
When I heard that, my teeth clenched, and I almost fainted.
All the wealth I accumulated…!
Before I could really bask in my anger, I heard a low growl from nearby.
"Hahaha! Moi also saw this coming!"
He raised a hand to my left. When I turned, I froze in terror.
It was a black wolf covered in flames and molten magma. Otherwise, the rest of its fur was in pristine condition.
"This is the same beast that gave the two thieves such a hard time! Yes, this right here is a Searath, and let Moi offer thee a seed of knowledge. At this time of the year, it's the mating season of these beasts." Vanir smiled sinisterly. "In order to attract a mate, males such as this will pick the largest-sized victim and keep it alive for as long as possible while making sure the victim cannot move. The screams that come from said victim, mixed with the male's mating call, create a breeding magnet. And let Moi say, this one is extra desperate thanks to thee bringing it out of its natural habitat with the relic that summons monsters!"
The Searath walked closer towards me, but just as it was about to pounce, Vanir put up a hand to effortlessly block it from attacking me.
"Now, normally Moi would let nature take its course." The devil calmly said as the wolf continued thrashing its head. "However, it seems that Maxwell wanted to meet you. Would you like to see your old 'servant' again?"
"Y-Yes, yes, but he's not my servant! Max was my friend, actually. Just get him here and keep this thing away from me!"
I fearfully watched as the powerful devil effortlessly knocked over the beast… and it crumbled into dirt.
… Huh? Wait, what?
"Muahahaha! As expected of the cowardly noble who'd enjoy seeing the beast maul others but is soiling himself right now! Oh, thy dark emotions are truly wonderful! Moi now understands what Maxwell sees in thee."
"You tricked me, you devil! Was the Max thing a lie, too?"
I suddenly felt a chill travel up my spine.
"Alderp! Alderp! I'm so happy to see you again, Alderp!"
I turned around to see Maxwell sitting on a rock nearby, swinging his legs like a child who is at ease.
I didn't even notice him appear at all.
"Wait, is that actually you, Max? You're not one of those mud puppets that devil can make, right?"
I asked him that, but he was exuding a feeling of dread that told me it was definitely the real Max.
"You wanted to see me, Alderp?" He flashed a smile.
On second thought, a duke of Hell being on my side sounds like something far better than anything money could buy.
I could gain so much power.
Yes, this is a prime opportunity! It looks like he has already forgotten about all the past deals we–
"Correct, he wanted to personally pay thee back for everything thou have done for him. Isn't that right, oversized landlord?"
This devil is seriously annoying!
But I suppose after a few years of earning back my money, I can get more contracts with him.
"Of course, Max! Aren't we friends? In fact, even after I finish my payments, I'd like to continue working with you. What do you say, Max?"
"Ho? Art thee sure about that, fatso? One must be very careful when making contracts with–"
"Max is my friend, and I've known him for years! I know what I'm doing!"
The moment I said that, I realized exactly what I was doing. I was trying to deceive an all-seeing devil.
But it was too late. I'd already said things that couldn't be unsaid.
Maxwell looked at me curiously, then flashed a wide grin. "Of course, Alderp! I'll make the contract right away, Alderp!"
Phew, despite lying to the all-seeing devil, I managed to have Max back on my side.
However, for some reason, he started laughing.
"It seems Moi was wrong about thy wits and luck."
Heh, he's just provoking me.
Suddenly, I heard a sound of bushes rustling, and when I turned to look, there was the same fiery beast in front of me.
"Really? How big of an idiot do you think I am?" I sneered at the devil.
The masked devil started pondering to himself.
It looks like he didn't foresee this. Was he really that strong after all?
I walked up to the beast in front of me. "Now, get this mud puppet away from me!" I punched the beast.
Only for my hand to be completely burned by the fur.
"AHHHHHH! MY HAND!" I watched the skin on my hand melt. "Oh, god! Wait, this means that–"
Vanir's cackling cut me off. When I looked up at him, he was rolling on the floor laughing.
No, this can't be happening.
Max wi– Maxwell will save me, right? He can do all kinds of things.
"Hey Maxwell–"
"Alderp! Alderp! Your screams are so good, Alderp!"
Wait, what?!
"The payment that is owed to Maxwell is the dark emotions he prefers."
"Wh-What are you talking about…?!"
"Not only did thee promise to pay him everything that is owed, but thou also made a new one with him. According to Moi's calculations, it's unlikely thou will be able to pay for it in thy current lifetime."
Wait, this wasn't the payment I was expecting!
Before I could respond, the Searath bit down on my leg.
"Max! Help me, Max! Y-You can't– Arghh, fulfill your contract if I'm dead, right?!"
"It's okay, Alderp. I'll make sure it doesn't kill you so easily." He said softly, but with eyes that haunted me.
Please, gods, let this end quickly.
"Why seek refuge from the Gods when thee made friends with a duke of Hell right here, who thyself said will remain with you, for eternity?"
His cackling turned into ringing that filled the entire forest.