At 6:30am, Emily slapped the button on the alarm to turn it off; she threw the blanket off, put on her robe, then walked around the bed and sat next to JJ. Brushing a lock of hair away from her face she said, "Jen baby, wake up." Emily saw her wife start to stir, "I'm going to start the coffee."
Emily left her wife to wake up and made her way down to the kitchen; to her surprise, Melissa was already there with the coffee made and working on breakfast. "Uhh, Mel. What did I do to deserve you?"
"Pay generously," Mel quipped.
Emily poured a mug for herself and one for Jen then made her way upstairs. She set the mug down on her wife's bedside table then walked towards their bathroom. JJ immediately sat up to grab it, inhaling the scent deeply before taking a sip, "Mmm, I love you."
Emily laughed, "Are you talking about me or the coffee?"
"Both."
"I'm going to shower before the kids wake up."
"I'm going to hope this coffee wakes me up."
Emily showered quickly and got dressed; realizing it was almost time for the littles to wake on their own, she decided to go into Lily's room first. "Hi bug, did you have a good sleep?"
"Mommy wet's pway!" Lily said, standing up in her crib. Per usual, she was holding onto her blanket when Emily lifted her out. "Are you going to help me wake up Oakley?"
"Ookee," Lily said, burying her face in Emily's neck. She walked into Oakley's bedroom and opened the blinds before sitting on her bed. Brushing a stray piece of hair out of her face, she said softy, "Oakley baby, it's time to wake up."
Unfortunately for Emily, Lily had other plans of waking Oakley up nicely, "Ookweeeee!"
Oakley rolled onto her back and looked up at Emily, "Mommy, too loud."
"Come on little bear, Mel made us a yummy breakfast," Emily said. Oakley sat up and climbed into her mother's arms. "You two give me a workout better than any gym could." Emily carried them both downstairs and got them some breakfast.
Once they were settled with Mel, she ran back upstairs to get Amelia up; when she opened her door, she heard Amelia screaming.
"No mommy, don't let him hurt me. I'll be good, I promise. Please mommy please nooo."
"Amelia baby, you're safe," Emily said, trying to comfort the little girl. Her heart broke, she didn't want to scare her, but knew in the long run, what she was about to do would work. Carefully, Emily took Amelia into her arms. She immediately started hitting and kicking trying to escape the grip, causing Emily to hold her even tighter, "Amelia, Amelia sweetie, it's Emily. You're safe, come on baby wake up for me. Open your eyes, you're having a nightmare."
Amelia screamed even louder and JJ came running in; she found Emily already in there trying to comfort the little girl and stood back. Knowing Emily had a background in abused children, she didn't want to make things worse.
"Mommy nooo, make him stop, mommy please!"
"Amelia, open your eyes baby. You're having a nightmare, you're safe. Shh, shh, shh," Emily said, holding the little girl to her chest and rocking her. As the screams died down, Emily slowly put her down so she was laying with her head in Emily's lap. Running her fingers through her hair, Emily looked down into Amelia's eyes. "You're safe, sweet girl. You were having a nightmare, you're safe."
Tears streamed down Amelia's face, "Emily?"
"Yes baby, you're safe," Amelia wrapped her arms around Emily, "I've got you sweet girl, you're okay." Emily continued to run her fingers through Amelia's hair and turned to find JJ in the doorway with tears in her eyes. She mouthed, 'she's okay' to her wife, then looked back down to the little girl.
"Amelia, sweetie. How about we go get some breakfast, does that sound good?" When the little girl nodded, Emily carefully picked her up. "Mel made her really yummy French toast. And you know what? She'll also put whipped cream in your chocolate milk."
Amelia laughed, "That's silly."
JJ got the littles dressed while Emily went to check on Amelia. "Well don't you look cute." Amelia had on an adorable plaid spaghetti strap black and white dress with a pair of white sneakers.
They both walked downstairs and into the kitchen just in time to see JJ filling her travel mug full of coffee. "Are you still planning on coming by for lunch today?"
"If you don't get a case. We should be there sometime after our meeting at school," Emily said, kissing JJ, "I'll call you when we're finished."
"Perfect! Amelia, I love your dress! You look adorable, honey." Amelia blushed and smiled. "I'll see you all soon, I'm sure you'll do great at school," JJ said, winking at Amelia. "I'm going to run before the girls notice I'm leaving. I love you."
"I love you too, be safe."
Emily packed a bag for the girls while Amelia was playing with them in the playroom. She heard all the girls giggling, and it melted her heart. This is much better than watching her have a nightmare. Poor girl deserves to laugh she thought to herself. "Alright my babies, let's get loaded into the car." Lily, the little snuggle bug asked Amelia to carry her. It was adorable, Amelia tried her best, but she was struggling. Even though Lily was tiny for her age, Amelia was too.
All her girls were tiny; not just small, but off the chart tiny. They ate big meals three times a day with two snacks, but it seemed Prentiss girls were just small. Lily wasn't even 19lbs yet and at the hospital, Oakley was only 32lbs.
Emily pulled into the school's visitor parking and got out of the car. Having Amelia was almost like having Jen there to help her. As Emily unbuckled Oakley, Amelia unbuckled Lily. "Before we go in, Lily, Oakley, we need to be on our best behavior. This is Amelia's new school. You little bear need to hold my hand at all times, okay?" Oakley nodded. She got her out of the car, then picked up Lily who was going to stay in Emily's arms. No running away today, bug Emily thought to herself. Oakley was also holding Amelia's hand as they walked in, "I'm Emily Prentiss, I called yesterday. We're here to get her," she said, running her fingers through Amelia's hair, "registered for next year," Emily said to the receptionist.
"Oh, of course. Looks like you have your hands full there," the receptionist said, "Please take a seat, and someone will be right out." Emily smiled at her then rolled her eyes as they went to sit down. No kidding lady, my wife is at work and I'm here to get my oldest enrolled in school with my two littles.
Amelia helped get Oakley into a chair then sat down on the other side of Emily who was holding Lily in her arms. They were talking about what they were going to do afterwards then Emily heard a familiar voice behind her, "Emily Prentiss, do my eyes deceive me?"
Emily stood and smiled brightly at her old friend, "Mark!" she said before accepting his warm hug, "How long has it been?"
"Since you ran away for college and never looked back?" the blonde man smirked, "The Ambassador still causing trouble?"
"Actually, she seems to have embraced domesticity just as I have. How's Senator Bronson?"
"You mean daddy dearest?" he laughed, "Living in France. What brings you to this fine school?"
"Oh, this is my daughter, Amelia. We thought this school would be a good fit for her. What's your affiliation?"
"I'm the headmaster," he stepped aside and shook Amelia's hand, "Welcome to Brookwood. We hope it will be a good fit." He looked back at Emily then to the Lily and Oakley, "Three daughters, goodness. Let me guess, 13 months and 2?" he asked.
"Two and four actually; Lily and Oakley," she smiled, fighting off her eye roll.
"Oh wow, teeny tiny. Okay, let's get started. We're getting Amelia enrolled in, 2rd grade?"
"4th," Emily said, smiling at Mark, then Amelia.
"Wow, I'm striking out left and right today, huh?"
After getting Amelia registered and ready to enter the 4th grade come September, Emily decided to test her luck, "I realize you're just finishing up the school year, but would you happen to have any idea of the soccer schedule? Amelia is interested in playing, but also wants to dance so I don't want the schedules overlapping when I sign her up."
"I can't give you anything definite, however, the schedule stays somewhat consistent. Let me pull it up and print you a copy. I get it, my kids play multiple sports too, figuring out schedules for four kids who each play two sports each is a nightmare."
"Let's go show that schedule to Jen. You two can practice in the backyard this summer and get you ready."
"I'm excited, it seems like a really cool school. I can't wait to play soccer again. It's going to be—" Amelia stopped mid-sentence causing Emily to look back in the rear-view mirror.
"What's wrong, sweetie?"
"When we were in there and you were talking to your friend, you said I was your daughter. Did you really mean it? Are you gonna keep me?"
Emily smiled and turned around to look at Amelia, "Oh sweet girl, of course I mean it. Jen and I aren't letting you go anywhere else. I know you've been in another foster home, but we're not planning on fostering you the way they did. We're going to adopt you, if that's okay?"
Amelia nodded, "So you and Jen will be my mom's?"
"Like I told you last night, we will never try to replace your mom, but we will always love you, protect you, and keep you safe," Emily smiled. Amelia wiped a few stray tears away, then smiled back. "Let's go see Jen and get some lunch, sound good?"
"Momma?" Oakley asked. "Yes Oakley, we're going to see momma, your aunt, and your uncles."
"Are you related to the people JJ works with?" Amelia asked, "You look like Mr. Hotch."
Emily laughed, "No, I'm not related to them, but we're all family. Derek is both of the girl's godfather, and I'm not sure you met Penelope, she wears all the bright colors?" Amelia shook her head, "You'll meet her today, she's the girls godmother."
"That's cool! Everyone there was really nice."
When the elevator doors opened the girls went running into the bullpen screaming, "MOMMA! MOMMA! MOMMA!"
"Girls, what's the rule at momma's work?" JJ asked as she bent down to hug her girls.
"Be quiet so momma can work," Oakley said, as she ran over to Derek. "Uncle Drk, pick me up!"
"Hi little princess, where's mommy?"
Oakley turned around in his arms and pointed to the doors where Emily and Amelia were walking in. "Right dare uncle Drk. See!"
Rossi had emerged from his office and snatched up Lily, leaving JJ with no kids. "Why does this always happen? My girls come to visit, yet I'm childless. How is this fair?" JJ said, looking at her friends, "Hey babe. Hey Amelia, how did it go at school?"
Emily kissed JJ, then let her focus back on Amelia who handed her a soccer schedule, "This is the soccer schedule, Emily said we could practice in the backyard, but only if you want to."
"I'd love to, honey," JJ said, she was about to continue talking when Garcia came running through the glass doors.
"Oh my god, oh my god! Why didn't anyone tell me my godchildren are here? It should be known by now the fairy godmother must know when my littles arrive at the BAU!"
Amelia jumped at the volume of Garcia, "It's okay, sweetie. This is Penny, she's the one I was talking about in the car," Emily said, wrapping her arms around Amelia's shoulders. "Garcia, you're as bad as the girls. Inside voice," Emily mocked, causing Amelia to laugh.
Garcia walked over to them and bent down, "You must be Amelia. I work with your momma, and I used to work with your mommy too. You can call me auntie Penny, or auntie Pen, or whatever you want. My name is Penelope, and I'm really excited to meet you."
Amelia backed further into Emily, taken back by the excitement in the older woman. "Hi," she said shyly. JJ gave Garcia a stern look and she backed away, "Sorry sweets, I get a little carried away."
"No kidding baby girl," Morgan said, looking up from where he was coloring with Oakley.
The Prentiss's had a fun day; they went out to lunch with JJ and the team, then to the sports store to get every piece of soccer equipment Emily could find while the littles napped in the double stroller then the ended the day with a trip to the trampoline park.
They had a nice dinner together, then got all the kids in bed. Emily and JJ were sitting on the couch with trash tv playing in the background even though neither was really paying attention. JJ was going over case files, and Emily being Emily, decided to help her wife.
"Babe?" JJ asked, looking up from her file.
"Hmm?"
"Are you still planning on taking the girls on your business trips this summer?"
Emily looked up from her file, "I would like to, why?"
JJ frowned, "I'd like to come, but I know I can't take that much time off of work."
Emily thought for a moment, "What if you got someone to fill in for you? I know you have the vacation time, you deserve to take it."
"I could talk to Hotch, but I know he won't be thrilled about it. Hayley is due in September and he's already stressed about that."
"We will be back well before September, Oakley and Amelia will need to get ready to start school. I'm sure if you have someone to fill in for you, he won't be opposed to giving you the time off."
"I'll talk to him about it."
The next two and a half weeks flew by and JJ was delighted to find out she had the weekend off. Saturday morning after breakfast, JJ found Amelia playing with Lily and Oakley in the playroom and smiled at the scene, "Hey, Amelia?"
"Yeah?" she said, turning to look at the blonde.
"Do you want to go kick the soccer ball around with me?" JJ asked hopefully.
Amelia hopped up, "Yes! I'll have to get good again if I want to play when school starts right?"
JJ smiled at the girl's enthusiasm, "Right. Let's go honey, I've already set up the nets."
Amelia and JJ were out there for a while kicking around the ball, setting up the cones to dribble around and taking shots in the net. Emily walked out with Lily and Oakley just in time to see Amelia score on JJ. She cheered for the girl, which got the attention of both athletes.
"What are you doing?" JJ asked, moseying towards her wife and kids who were all in their bathing suits.
"I think it's quite obvious, we're going in the pool. Do you two want to join us?" Emily asked.
JJ looked back at Amelia who smiled, "We'll go change into our suits."
The rest of the weekend was spent doing fun family activities around the house. Playing in the game room, swimming in the pool, practicing soccer, watching movies, and baking cupcakes.
Amelia was full of smiles, which made both mothers extremely happy. They could both tell nobody had ever taken the time to put all their attention into her and she was extremely appreciative, thanking them every chance she got.
Monday morning Emily's phone rang, "Hello mother."
"Emily dear, it's so good to hear from you."
"You called me," she said laughing.
"Oh that's right, I did. What are you and my grandbabies up to today?"
"Right now I'm getting a bit of work done while the girls are napping and Amelia is working on her KiwiCo box."
"The kiwi boxes I've helped Oakley and Lily with?"
"Yes mother, but this one is much more complicated. Amelia is putting together some type of turtle robot thing. I don't even think I could do it," Emily said, smiling at Amelia who was hard at work.
"Would she be up for a visit from her grandma Liz?" Elizabeth asked, hoping Emily would say yes.
"Hold on, I'll ask her," Emily said, turning her attention towards the little girl, "Amelia, would it be okay if my mother came over to meet you?"
"Yeah! Maybe she could help me with this robot. Wait, you mean today right?"
Emily laughed, "Yes, I'll let her know. Mother? Amelia would love to meet you, that would be great. See you later."
"Thank you, Emily. I'm so bored being home all day, I'll leave now." Elizabeth hung up before Emily could say anything else.
Elizabeth and Amelia were working on her robot and getting to know each other while Emily finished up some work. That night, Gerald also came over to join his family for dinner.
The girls loved spending time with both of them and it gave JJ and Emily time to spend with just Amelia. The two women decided to take her out for some ice cream, and when they got back home, they all went for a night swim together. Amelia was overwhelmed by the attention, but she was starting to realize this is what it was like to have parents who cared for her.
At around three o'clock in the morning, JJ's phone woke her and Emily up. She blearily fished around her nightstand for it, "Hello?" she answered.
"We have a case," Hotch said, "Be at the debriefing in an hour."
"I'll be there," JJ said before hanging up.
When she turned on the dim light by the bed, Emily looked over at her, "Case?"
"Yeah, go back to sleep babe," JJ leant over and kissed Emily softly.
When she turned to stand and get ready, she saw Amelia sprawled out on the bench they had at the end of their bed with her blanket pulled over her face. JJ walked over and gently rubbed down her arm, "Amelia, sweetie, what's wrong?"
Amelia pulled the blanket away and her lip quivered as she tried to force the tears away, "I had a nightmare. I felt safer in here, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad, I promise I'll be quiet," she whimpered.
"Oh honey, it's okay. You could have woken us up or/and crawled in bed with us. You didn't need to stay down here."
Emily sat up and threw the blankets back on JJ's side and patted the bed, "Come on sweet girl, come snuggle with me."
Amelia stood leaving her blanket and crawled into the bed. Emily pulled the girl close to her and played with her messy hair. Emily 'fell back to sleep' quickly, and when Amelia thought she was asleep, she pulled herself tighter into the older woman, "Thank you for keeping me safe. I love you."
"I love you too, sweetie," Emily mumbled and returned the warm hug.
When Emily's alarm went off, Amelia was star-fished on her stomach, taking up part of JJ's side, half her limbs covering Emily too. She carefully extracted herself and got ready quickly before going to get the littles for breakfast. As she was about to start making plates for the girls, Amelia came downstairs rubbing her eyes, "Good morning, sunshine, are you hungry?" Amelia nodded, "I made crepes. There's a lot of fruit set out and more sweets than Jen would ever allow. Oakie-bear, can you tell Amelia the rule with crepes?"
"One mommy scoop of fruit and bacon too," she said, smiling at her 'big sister'.
Amelia laughed, "I've never had a crepe before."
"You'll love them; they are the girls favorite breakfast. Jens too, but she's at work."
"On Saturday?"
"Yes, you know Jen works for the FBI and sometimes she needs to go get the bad guy even if it's the weekend," Emily explained.
"Oh, that makes sense," Amelia said as she put a spoonful of fruit on her crepe.
JJ got home close to 2am Wednesday morning, as she walked up the stairs she heard someone crying and whimpering. Immediately she opened Amelia's door thinking she was having another nightmare, but when she found her sound asleep, she went into her bedroom.
"Please don't! Jennifer please forgive me! I don't want this, I won't say that, stop! Jessica, no!"
JJ broke into tears, it had been a while since Emily had a night terror about Jessica; according to Emily, 'it's been compartmentalized, I'm fine'. JJ ran to Emily's side, "Em, baby. Wake up, you're safe. Em, you're safe!" She made the mistake of touching her shoulder, sending Emily over the edge.
"No! Don't touch my babies, take me! Hurt me! They're innocent, it's me you want."
"Em, come on baby, wake up! WAKE UP!" Emily shot up, sweating and out of breath, then saw JJ.
"Jen?"
JJ pulled Emily into her arms, "It's me baby, I'm here. Shh, I've got you. You're safe, baby it was just a nightmare. She's dead, Jessica is dead."
"Jen, she took our girls," Emily said, tears streaming down her face.
"Em, the girls are safe. They are tucked into their beds and safe. She never laid a finger on them. You protected them, you made sure nothing happened to them," JJ said, rubbing circles in her wife's back.
"Oh god, I thought these nightmares were over. Fuck!" Emily said, a slight growl in her voice.
"Baby, we both know nightmares come back sometimes even years after a trauma. It's completely normal."
"No, not for me. That's why I have my compartments. Tuck it away and I'm done with it."
"Em, you still have nightmares about Doyle—" Shit! Why did you have to go there. You know better Jareau.
"Jen, you know that's not the same!" Emily said, angrily, pulling back from JJ's embrace.
"Babe, I'm sorry. I know, I know it isn't the same. I shouldn't have said that."
"No, you shouldn't have," Emily got up from the bed, grabbed her robe, and walked downstairs.
Way to go, Jareau. You can't just comfort your wife you need to upset her even further. JJ fell back on the bed, "Uhh!"
Downstairs, Emily was pacing. Why am I not over this? For god sake! My compartments are failing me. I want Amelia to feel comfortable opening up to me and I'm so happy she did last night. No little girl deserves to go through what she has—why can't I just focus on my daughter and not have it stir up my own shit? What kind of mother does that make me? My daughter opens up about her abuse, then I have a nightmare. Fuck this.
JJ heard the front door open and knew it was Emily. "I should go get her," she said out loud. No, she'll come to you when she's ready. Why are you so stupid? Bringing up Doyle, it's like you were throwing it in her face. JJ decided to use the time to go take a quick shower, she'll be back soon and we can talk.
When Emily got back, she walked back up the stairs and heard screaming. She ran into Amelia's room, "NO! Please don't let him, stop. No, I'll be good, I—no! Help me!"
Emily pulled Amelia into her arms, "Amelia, wake up baby. Wake up, you're safe. Open your eyes sweet girl, I've got you. Shh, shh, shh," Emily rocked the girl in her arms, trying to get her to wake up.
Amelia opened her eyes and looked up at Emily, "Mommy?" she said, softly.
"I'm here baby, you're safe." Emily brought Amelia closer to her chest and looked up to stop her own tears from falling. She knew the girl was still half asleep and didn't know the moniker slipped out, but it still melted her.
JJ came running into Amelia's room, only to find her wife sitting on her bed with the little girl in her arms. "Em?" she whispered.
"She's okay, I'll be right in," Emily said, before focusing her attention back on Amelia. "Do you want to talk about it, sweetie?"
She shook her head, "I want to go back to sleep, can you lay with me?"
"Yes, let's get you snuggled back up."
Amelia snuggled up into Emily's arms, "Love you mommy."
"I love you too, baby."
Emily walked back into her bedroom, crawled into bed, and cuddled up into JJ's arms, "I'm sorry, Jen."
JJ was taken back, "Why are you sorry? I'm the one who's sorry! I never should have said that, I—"
"Jen, you're right. Last night after I got Oakley and Lily to sleep, Amelia and I talked a little bit about some of the abuse she endured. Listening to her talk about what she went through made me feel sick and so angry. I'm not sorry for admitting I'm glad that son of a bitch is dead. My mind was racing when I went to bed and it must have triggered something for me."
JJ felt her heart aching for her wife, "I can't imagine, babe. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I went back to work so quickly after the kidnapping leaving you to deal with not only your own emotions but with the girls. I should have stayed home with you for more than a week."
"Jen, I told you to go back. I thought I was fine, and I was. I'm just—"
"Em, it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to breakdown sometimes and ask for help. Let me be there for you. Talk to me, babe."
"You saw the video."
"I did, but I also know there's more you haven't told anyone," JJ said, hoping Emily would open up to her.
"Coffee date?"
"Coffee date!" JJ said, knowing they would be up all night talking. But she didn't care, she was happy Emily was finally going to open up.
JJ was not prepared for what was about to happen, but luckily, she had a wife unlike any other. Ready to not only tell her about what happened while she was kidnapped, but also to comfort her in the process.
Once they were settled on the couch, Emily began. She didn't want to repeat what JJ already knew, but she didn't have to. What she was about to say was worse, at least it was to her. The only people who knew this part were the doctor who treated her in the ER and Hotch.
"Jen, I—I didn't want to tell you until an arrest was already made—"
"An arrest?" JJ interrupted. "What are you talking about, she's dead!"
Emily put her hand up, "Jen, please. Jessica wasn't the only one there," Emily held her hand up again, knowing JJ was about to interject. "Hotch helped me track down the bastard. I didn't see him until I came to tied to the bed. Jessica was straddling me when I woke up and when I tried to shift my body to fight before realizing I was tied up, I saw him. Then I recognized I was in pain, just my lower half though. I didn't know for sure, but I guessed based on how my body felt, he had already been inside me." She swallowed hard and JJ could only guess it was because her wife was trying not to vomit. She was feeling the same way.
"I found out before the camera was turned on my guess was right, he told Jessica how—he told her how my body felt and how much better 'sex' was when the 'bitch' is unconscious.
"Oh god," JJ exclaimed.
"After he watched Jessica rape me the first time, I heard the door and thought he had left. I was wrong. But the second time he came for me, I was wide awake. I saw him and studied his face so I could engrain it into my mind and ID him later. I would have killed him too, but he ran after raping me the second time. Coward. They did a rape kit in the hospital, but he wore a condom. I spoke to Hotch and had him track down all of Jessica's friends. I recognized the face; this wasn't his first offense. He may have worn a condom with me, but he didn't with the other women he abused. He'll be in jail until he dies. Hotch told me they just made the arrest yester—"
"Oh my god, that's why Hotch has been so off towards me. He was—"
"Jen, I'm to blame, not Hotch. I asked him not to say anything because I knew you'd drop everything to find a man we were already looking for. Your focus needed to be on everyone else who needed help, not—"
"You're my wife!" JJ said, louder than intended. When Emily jumped, JJ knew she fucked up. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to yell." JJ broke down into tears, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. If I had stayed home, I would have been able to pick up on it, I would have known something wasn't right, I could have fixed this."
"You're not responsible. I wouldn't have let you in, Jen, you know that. I didn't want you to know until the bastard was locked up. I'm sorry," Emily said, looking down at her hands.
"Don't be sorry, babe. I'm sorry! I understand why you didn't tell me and I'm not upset. Would I have liked to kill the bastard, or at least mess him up? Yes. But I know why you didn't say anything. I'm sorry I didn't know everything you went through and wasn't there. I should have known."
Emily and JJ were both in tears; Emily pulled her wife into her arms to comfort her, "Wait, this is backwards," JJ said, "I should be comforting you."
"Shh, I'm fine Jen."
"Babe, maybe it wasn't the fact you were talking to Amelia last night about her trauma, but more the fact he was arrested yesterday."
"You're probably right, Michael Hastings will never see the light of day ever again."
"Ew, he even has a gross name."
Emily laughed, "Yeah, he does." She looked over at the clock, "The girls will be up soon, think we should make some breakfast?"
"Chocolate chip banana pancakes?"
"How did I know you were going to say that?"
JJ sat up, leaning in to capture Emily's lips, "Mmm, because you're the best wife in the world. I love you, babe."
"I love you too, Jen."