TW: shooting (I've kind of been binge watching SVU for the past few weeks)

"Try it," she says encouragingly. When he's only staring, unimpressed, an eyebrow raised at the to-go cup, she insists barely hiding her amusement, "seriously, Fitz, try it."

"It smells like nothing, definitely not like caffeine"

"The smell doesn't matter, the taste does. Try it," she insists.

"I'm still not convinced"

"You know, even your son is more willing than you to try new things. You said you were craving caffeine, this is the healthier option for you."

"Ryan is a baby"

"Ryan is almost four."

"Exactly my point, he's a baby"

"Ryan is our baby. He'll still be our baby even when we're old and gray and a pain in his butt. I don't care how old he is- he'll always be our baby."

"Don't tell me you want to be that mom," he asks, teasing her.

"What mom?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about"

"Oh, no I don't. So, tell me what mom?"

She looks at him, pretending to be puzzled.

"How can you not remember?" he asks, bewildered. "We used to joke about it all the time. You know the type who always centers their life around their kids, forgetting they actually have one of their own" he pauses when she feigns insult, "don't even start you used to roll your eyes at them all the time," he chuckles amused.

She can't help but snort and shake her head.

Deep down she knows he's completely right, but she isn't willing to say anything to let him know that. Before and even after they got married, she mainly got a lot of crap from family members about her age and their childless relationship then marriage. They were waiting for the right time, for when it suited them, not when it suited everyone else. They never let peer pressure dictate them. Define what they are. Then Ryan came into the picture and from there on she couldn't imagine life without him. Without them for that matter.

"Wait until we have a baby girl, we'll see if she ever makes it past the little girl stage," she retorts, "you're so gonna be wrapped around her little finger"

"No, she's not," he replied without even looking at her

"Oh, we both know she'll be the biggest daddy's little girl. Did you see yourself with our son?"

They left him with his grandparents, uncles and aunts. The whole family on both sides had teamed up to let them have an entire day to themselves. The weather was too good not to have a nice picnic outside and they did just that. They set up the barbecue in their backyard and spent most the day just enjoying each other's presence, sunbathing, catching up best they could. That is until they realized their little man's birthday was creeping on them and they had nothing prepared for it: no décor, no presents, no cake ordered, nothing. Turning four wasn't exactly a milestone by any means but it did hold a significance in their situation. It was a birthday their son could remember and his father would be there. They were going all in.

That's how they found themselves shopping at a mall despite having avoided any and all types of crowded places ever since Fitz got back home. They had just left the toy store, having ordered for delivery an age appropriate bike and a few other toys she knew Ryan would really like to add to his collection, when they found themselves in front of the coffee shop Olivia's friend, Abby, swore by and the reviews for the matcha were good according to the internet. He wasn't sleeping through the night yet was working hard on himself. Lack of sleep was feasting on the dark rings under his eyes. She had to have him try some. Their last scheduled stop was for some clothes and shoes before they would head home. She wanted matching outfits for the three of them.

At least it was how the day was supposed to go… then… it all happened in a blur.

It only took a split second.

One second their banter was going on full blast, he had the cup in one hand, the other was holding a shopping bag and her hand. The next thing he knew, his ears were ringing, light green liquid formed a small puddle in front of him. His eyes hurt, his ears hurt, his knuckles hurt, his feet hurt, his thighs were shaking, burning, intense pressure was squeezing his head, he was hurting all over. His heart was beating so fast it was threatening to come out of his chest. It was unbearable pain.

All of a sudden, the ground was covered in dust and pebbles, they were hiding behind a rubble. His ears are ringing. Like after an explosion when you're too close to the impact point. He tries to get up, turn to his right, to his left, he tries to move, he tries to do something, before he becomes the perfect target to strike, his heart is pounding in his chest so loud his ears suddenly feel like nightclub speakers, deafening him, his vision becomes blurred, something, some type of force is pulling him down. Holding him prisoner. He's kneeling to the ground. Helpless. Defenseless. A prey. The easiest prey. All military training thrown out the window. The endless hours at the gym, gone just like that. His mouth goes completed dry as his breath becomes labored. All his knows is he wants to live. And for him to stay alive, he needs to move. He can't move. Weights are holding him down as if the earth is laughing at him, betraying him and unveiling deeply rooted old shackles. Snickering. He feels as if he is uprooted out of time. In a different universe, a different reality. He's surrounded by darkness. His breath is labored. He tries to feel for any weapon he might have. He at least needs to defend himself. He won't go down without a fight. He had promised her he'd always come back. His heart shatters to a million pieces as his entire body refuses to obey him, he can't get a word out. Or so he thought.

She's looking at him, completely lost. As if she's bewitched. She heard the gunshots go off, she was aware of the frenzy going on around them, she was aware of the people running all around the place, she was aware of the people crying, the people trying to reassure their kids, the people having a complete meltdown. The most vulnerable of people trying to take any and every type of refuge, barely able to walk. But she was focusing on the one person having a psychotic break in front of her. Of course, she was scared out of her mind, someone had lost it the very day they decided to go shopping and opened fire at the busiest hour possible. They all made the easiest of targets. But all she could truly focus on was the man in front of her. It seemed like he was in a complete other planet. One second they were walking hand in hand, the next he was on the ground, somehow balanced on his tippy toes. He was entranced somehow somewhere. His eyes were abnormally wide open. Red. Bloodshot. Like he was staring somewhere, she just couldn't make where. He was pale, his hands holding the sides of his temples, in his trance. It felt like the night they called her in, the night they decided to let her finally know they found her husband. But right now, she couldn't go down memory lane. She needed to act, and she needed to act fast.

She glances around under she finds the closest emergency exit door, she sneaks her arms around him, cursing herself for not going to the gym enough but she absolutely had to get the both of them to safety. She didn't even know where to shooter was, where he had gone, the safest option she could think of was an exit, even if it meant a staircase. She didn't know how but somehow, she manages to drag him, painfully slow until they were behind a wall. For better, for worse until death do us part. Except she won't let the gates of death do them part. She had just gotten him back, there was no way she was letting him go. Not anymore. She took her phone out to make a call as she heard police sirens going off not too far. It was safe enough. She opened the heavy door, using the dead weight of her left side to keep the door open enough to drag him outside. She leaned him against the wall and went back to catch the door before it slammed. She didn't trust people's screams to conceal the noise. The last thing she needed at that moment was to give anyone any indication where they were going and thankfully enough no one except for her got a reflex for the staircase. She couldn't hear anything, not a single echo. They were safe for the time being.

She turned to him, he was exactly where she left him seconds ago, still in whichever zone he was stuck in. Next to him was some type of indent into the wall, making up for a very small seat she could lean against. Her back against the wall, she freed his temples from his crushing hands, and just held him. He was shaking. She just wanted his episode to go away, for him to calm down, it tore her apart to see him in a state like this. She especially knew how hard he's going to be on himself once he calms down. She settled for holding him, bringing his head between her neck and chest as she slowly rocked him. The hand that wasn't holding him to her was soothingly stroking his hair and jaw.

"You're going to be okay, we're going to be okay," she kept repeating in the softest whisper.

Slowly, the darkness surrounding him was starting to fade. The battlefield was slowly erasing and he could start to see a poorly lit staircase, paint chipped in some areas, the emergency light was buzzing in its fight to stay on. Broken but still fighting. It took a few seconds before his eyes could properly adjust to the darkness surrounding them. It started hitting him just how cold it was, the air was slipping in from every crevice it could. It was as if a dark veil was being progressively dissolved. His eyes were itching, as if set on fire. His mouth was dry. His throat hurt. Then, he could smell her scent. He could feel her steady heartbeat. An anchor to reality. Their whereabouts setting in. The matcha, the shopping, fireworks.

Just as his thighs give up on him, he pulls her from the waist so he's sitting on his thighs. Holding her tight, he made good on his word, he did come back to her.

"Livie," he whispers as he kisses her temple. He can finally feel her relax, her shoulders dropping as she matches his embrace.

"How's he?" Asks Henry, giving her a cup, "it's tea"

"Thank you and thank you for coming so quickly," she sighs, "He's as good as can be expected, I suppose," she takes a sip of her tea, "we shouldn't have gone to the mall today"

"Mrs Grant, if you follow this reasoning he is never going to make progress. Maybe it was a little too early for overly crowded spaces but outings are not a bad idea, plus you can't control what other people decide to do."

"Come on Henry, it's Olivia, we're way past that. I'm just worried he'll beat himself up over today. I mean you've seen how he gets"

Henry laughs, "ever since I can remember. He has that leadership gene in him. He's a natural. He loves to be the one providing, not the one being provided for. He's so used to being the one protecting his country, putting his life on the line and protecting others. Putting himself on the other side of the spectrum is very hard for people like him. The nurse told me you don't have any defense bruises so I take that as a sign he didn't fight you or anything"

"He was completely zoned out, he wouldn't hurt a fly. Actually, I was worried people would end up walking over him."

"Totally normal, just like we tackled the effects of camera flashes, we'll tackle this one, he actually-"

"Sorry to interrupt," a nurse says, then turning towards Olivia, "Mrs Grant, your husband asked to see you."

"We can go talk to him?"

"Of course," the nurse replies with a smile, "we gave him some eye drops and electrolytes, he needs hydration and rest. I'll leave you to it"

Just as they're about to pull the curtain, she catches a glimpse of him. He looks stoic, emotionless, but she knows he's tired. She can see it written all over his face. When he suddenly looks up, her heart melts at the way he looks at her. Like he was looking at the moon and the stars.

His arm is reaching for her, pulling her to an embrace. She gladly takes it, her fingers lightly grazing his jaw as she's leaning to kiss him, wanting to keep it chaste but he wasn't having it. She pulls away, and he's about to complain when Henry steps in, "glad to see you're better Fitz"

"Henry," he acknowledges, "I'm doing good, I told them I wanted to go home."

Henry smiles, "they never intended to keep you overnight. You needed to be checked by a doctor, they did their jobs, you'll get to go home. Olivia told me what happened."

"Henry I'm-," Fitz starts

"I'm not saying you did bad, I think quite the opposite. But let's not get into it. You've had one a hell of a day, go home, get some rest, take a few days, and I'll call you to come in and we'll discuss."

He doesn't wait for a reply, he knows they'll forget he's with them almost immediately.

And he's right. As soon as he pulls the curtain, Fitz scoots over, pulling her to the small hospital bed with him, "Fitz, what are you doing?"

"Nothing"

"Fitz-"

"I just need a minute," he says looking into her eyes.

She curls into him as best she can, resting her head on his chest as he drops a kiss to the crown of her head.

All he has in mind is I've come back to you.