"Hey, Shinji. You can wake up now. Class is over."

Shinji looked over his shoulder. Kensuke had called him. He and his inevitable companion at the next table, Touji, were just opening their lunch boxes.

"Come over," Touji called him. "There's a table free here." As Shinji did so, he commented: "Jeez, man, you look rough. Misato keeping you up at night?"

Shinji smiled tolerantly. It would probably be too much to ask for his two friends to keep their minds out of the gutter. Not that Misato herself was much better, so he was getting used to such banter, even if he never participated in it himself.

"I..." he began, but then shook his head. "I can't tell," he realized sadly. "NERV stuff. Classified." He sat down and got his own lunch box out of his bag.

"Always with the NERV stuff," Touji complained. By contrast, Kensuke's face became more attentive, but he remained quiet. Surprisingly seriously, Touji added: "Don't let them work you to death." Another smile, faint and sad, appeared on Shinji's face. Touji was a real foot-in-mouth kind of guy. At least he rarely noticed his mistakes; that spared Shinji having to listen to his attempts at apologizing.

So he just nodded and looked away. After all, he could not tell his friends what was going on. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ayanami. She had unpacked a small, thin book and was reading from it. She seemed to do that a lot in her free time. In fact, there was absolutely nothing different from normal about her. It was as if yesterday had never happened, as if she had never come so close to death. Shinji was baffled; he thought there had to be hints, that at least now she would have to show some signs of uneasiness or relief. But the whole day, there had been nothing. As always, Ayanami sat alone; she always seemed to create her own personal personal field of solitude around her.

She never seemed to care about that, either, though. Shinji could understand: Solitude could be relaxing, a protection from the stresses of having to deal with others. For years, he had been sufficiently content that way.

Touji grinned and leaned over to him. Quietly yet provocatively he asked: "What's up with you? Doesn't care a bit about Misato's... attributes, but as soon as he sees some exotic hair..."

Shinji sighed. "I'm just wondering..." He stopped. "Would you believe if I told you that's something under NERV classification as well?"

"It's a convenient excuse, I give you that," Kensuke answered. "Is the reason Ayanami keeps looking over to you classified as well?"

"Wh-what?" Shinji asked. He managed to not quite blurt it out.

"How can anyone be so inattentive!" Touji declared loudly. Some people looked; Ayanami did not. He shook his head and, now in a more subdued volume, almost hissed: "It's rare enough she pays attention to anything inside the classroom."

Shinji nearly rolled his eyes at the usual theatricals of his friends. They were not as bad as some. Some of his classmates, mostly the girls but some boys as well, seemed to positively sustain themselves on gossip, and relationship gossip was the most sought after kind. So people would deduce relationships, whether they really existed or not, from the smallest hints. Shinji himself kept entirely out of this game. For that matter, so did Touji and Kensuke, usually, but they were always on the lookout for stuff to tease each other with, or Shinji.

And indeed Kensuke commented drily, without looking up from his food: "The same's true for you."

"That's not true," Touji almost snorted. "I look at uh..." Kensuke just grinned. "Well, at least I don't spend the whole class looking at online pics of battleships!"

"Warships," Kensuke corrected. "Of the U.N. Pacific Fleet. It's big news on the forums I go to; the U.N. had sent them half way around the world, to Europe, and they're only returning now. Nobody knows what they did there." He looked around and almost whispered. "I bet it has to do with the Evangelions. They were in the North Sea. And NERV has a big facility at Hamburg, a major port there."

"You always think it has to do with Evangelions," Touji dismissed that idea.

"What else could it be?" Kensuke argued, now that his favourite topic had come up rather heatedly. "They didn't do any manoeuvres with the Germans or Brits. And that even though the Brits will soon launch a new compact carrier, their first new semi-capital ship since Second Impact, and the Germans have a new submarine class that..."

"Jeez, jeez, we get it!" Touji complained.

"Huh. I didn't even know NERV has facilities in Europe," Shinji spoke up. Kensuke gave him his best 'You gotta be kidding me' look. He seemed too stunned by his friend's ignorance to try to lecture him.

Touji cleared his throat. Shinji looked at him. Touji had lowered his head, but he was clearly gazing at something. Shinji followed that view and saw Rei looking at them... or, more exactly, probably at him. And even now she held her gaze, which made him uneasy. It was not so much that he was looked at. Over the years, he had gotten pretty good at not caring about the outside world. Let them look at him, let them talk about him, let them laugh at him. But Rei's intense stare was something else altogether. He might have called it creepy, except... he did not really feel so. He felt a slight blush building up on his face.

Still keeping her gaze, Rei stored her book in her bag. Then she got up and walked away.

"That was... odd," Shinji whispered.

"I'll say," Touji added more forcefully. "You EVA pilots... Talk about weird!"

For Rei, the world was never quite fully there. Or maybe she was not. Except for some extraordinary events such as the first activation of EVA-00 or the recent battle, life just went on and on. She only kept enough attention to function sufficiently, never more than that. The world was just not real to her. It had nothing to do with her purpose, and she also could not quite... get it. She felt out of place in it, as if there was a fundamental disconnect between her inside world and the outside world. So that world had just become a grey blur to her. It often felt like her surroundings were a flowing river, and she was trying to grip single pieces of water. Or not even trying anymore, in fact.

She was alienated from her surroundings... and considering her nature, a topic her thoughts avoided as much as possible, that was probably little wonder. It did not matter, though. She only existed for her purpose, her place in Commander Ikari's plan, and if she died before its fulfilment, she could be replaced. Her self-image had always rested on those two truths.

But why then had Pilot Ikari risked his life to save her?

This had upset the absolute certainties that framed her life. She knew she had a bond to him, of course. As much as she did not like to think about it, she had a bond to all people, to all humans. But this was not the same. This bond was not supposed to also work in the opposite direction. And for some reason, her thoughts had dwelt on that topic. It had not simply faded into the grey background noise of everyday life, like everything else did. She hoped it could be once a conversation with Ikari would clear up matters. With the proper explanation, his behaviour could finally be integrated into that background noise.

But this very perception of reality was what made her hesitate all day long. Ikari seemed always busy – occupied with class, with his friends, with eating. He was part of the flowing river, and Rei just could not push through all of this water. She could watch him, but she felt like she just was not part of what was going on around him, in an almost physical way not part of it.

It was during the last class of the day that she decided to act. She had barely ended the customary bow at the end of class before grabbing her bag, and she was the first student out of the classroom door. She did not run; she nearly never did. It was just that she did not waste any time with superfluous activities. She did not look around, did not greet people, did not mentally go through her belongings to make sure she had not forgotten anything. She simply left the school premises as quickly and efficiently as possible.

This was actually nothing uncommon. She was maybe a bit more determined to be quick today, but whenever she did not have cleaning duty, she would usually be the first to leave the school – there simply was not anything to hold her there. What was different was where she walked afterwards. It was in the direct opposite direction of her usual route.

Eventually, she stopped and waited. And a bit later, she saw Ikari walking towards her.

He had his head cast down and was listening to his SDAT player, so he only noticed her relatively late. He was surprised when he did and quickly pulled the plug out of his right ear. "Ayanami."

She closed the remaining distance between them. "Ikari. I have a question for you."

"A… isn't your apartment the other way?" Ikari wondered. Rei did not answer. That was not the point. After some hesitation, which he used to stop the SDAT player and pack the ear plugs away, Ikari finally continued: "Uh… well, okay. What is it?"

"Why did you enter the volcano?" Rei asked.

"You know that, Ayanami," Ikari answered. "To save you."

"Why?" Rei inquired further.

"I couldn't simply let you die," Ikari claimed.

"Why?" Rei pressed on.

Now Ikari started to sound irritated. "What do you mean, why? I don't understand!"

Rei had thought the question to be perfectly straightforward. She paused, long enough for the conversation to nearly die down. Finally, she continued: "Why was it important for you that I did not die?"

Ikari became even more agitated. "I still don't understand. Do you wish to die?"

"It is irrelevant," Rei replied matter-of-factly.

This took Ikari completely aback. In fact, he literally walked a step backwards. "Irrelevant?"

"Yes," Rei confirmed. "I am replaceable."

She saw how Shinji's right hand moved, alternately forming a fist and relaxing again. For a moment he seemed too overwhelmed to answer. Finally, he did. "… Replaceable. Why would you say that?" His voice got louder. "You shouldn't say such things."

"...I see," Rei merely answered. Then I won't say it anymore.

Ikari was breathing heavily now. "Ayanami… " he managed to press forth. He spoke carefully now, measuring every word. "If I had been in that volcano, and you standing guard, would you have saved me?"

"If I had been ordered to," Rei confirmed.

"And if you hadn't?" Ikari inquired. "Or if Misato had ordered you to stay away?"

Then I would not have. That was the truth, but… somehow Rei did not like this truth. She... appreciated what Ikari had done, even though it had made little difference. With or without that action, there would still have been a Rei Ayanami. What was important was not that Ikari had allowed her to live, something that was ensured anyway, but that he had in fact protected her. The thought of her not doing the same for him filled her with a strange sort of disdain.

"At Mt Asama, I would have stayed away then," she finally admitted.

"At Mt Asama…?" Shinji echoed.

"You said you would protect me," Rei answered. "From now on, I will protect you."

She did not know for sure what she meant by that, did not know what this would entail. The thought of not obeying orders was strange and uncomfortable to her. After all, the Scenario had to come first, always. Maybe there was nothing she could do to protect him. Yet, she had found it necessary to reassure him of this. And she did truly want to protect him, the way he had protected her.

Without a further comment she turned around, and walked back towards school. It was time to return to her apartment.

After the combat at the volcano, Shinji had wished a return to normalcy. More angels would come, of course, but maybe they would take their time. And in the meanwhile, he would be able to return to his usual state of not caring about most anything around him, not his surroundings, not his circumstances, not the people around him... even though he had to admit he had already come to care about more people here than at any other point in his young life as far as he could remember back. However, that peace of mind, that comforting daily routine, did not come. Right now, Shinji felt nearly as agitated as he had the day before, at Mt Asama.

Replaceable? What does she mean by that?

Shinji had accepted that he could die in EVA combat. Even now, despite all of Misato's protest, he did not consider that to be such a big deal after all. He was slowly beginning to consider that maybe it was, that maybe if he died others would after all mourn for him. But even in his worst state he would never have considered himself replaceable. Expendable, maybe, but even then his loss would have meant something, would leave behind a world changed at least microscopically by his death.

But replaceable? To think one's own death would have no impact at all? Is that what they do to EVA pilots? Is that how an ideal EVA pilot looks to them? He was coming around to the thought that maybe Misato did care about him as more than just a pilot for her war, as more than just a tool, but sometimes he still doubted, and he was pretty certain that was how his father saw him. And Ayanami fulfils these expectations perfectly.

A tinge of despair had come up inside him during the conversation. He hoped his final question had reached Ayanami. He had thought that presenting her with a reversal of roles would finally bring his point across to her. And maybe it had; she had promised to protect him, so maybe she could see why he would want to protect her. Oddly, even though it was just a promise, and despite the circumstances of it, that promise made him feel... comfortable. Ayanami spoke rarely, so when she did her words had weight.

But he had also promised to protect her. And he thought about that as he watched Ayanami leaving.

I did promise that. Or told her, at least. I... I need to try, at least.

He began running, after her.

"Ayanami!" he shouted.

The girl came to a halt, but did not turn around. Shinji used the time to slow down and catch his breath.

"Ayanami… does that mean I also have to protect you from yourself?" he asked.

Cicadas form a nearby park were chirping in the background.

"I don't understand," Ayanami finally replied.

"I can't protect you if don't even care to be protected," Shinji told her.

Again, Ayanami was quiet for a long time. When she answered, it was a whisper, but Shinji could still hear it: "But I do."

She walked on, leaving him behind.

Things still felt tense to Shinji the next day. He knew he should not make himself a target for his friends' jokes, but he caught himself glancing over to Ayanami several times during classes. What she had told him simply unsettled him. It was not right that anyone should think of themselves in such a way. He wished he could do something to make her change her perception... but he knew fully well he certainly was not the person to do such a thing. Walking up to Ayanami and talking about serious topics with her? Him speaking about self-value? The thought alone was absurd.

As for the fellow EVA pilot herself, she seemed to be, once again, back to her normal self. He did not once catch her paying attention to him. That's probably the best way to deal with this all. Pretending it never happened. It was easy enough for Shinji to blend out his surroundings; over the years he had gotten quite skilled at it. He would easily be able to blend out a single conversation; to blend out Ayanami. He certainly managed to entirely ignore Touji's and Kensuke's teasing; at the end of the school day he could honestly not even recall what exactly they had said.

However, that strategy proved to be unworkable. For one thing, a blue-haired girl he had rescued once already and who was his initial reason for piloting EVA was a bit harder to ignore than his friends. And more importantly in practical terms, he and Ayanami would see each other even outside school at least weekly in synch tests. And as it turned out, it was really difficult to ignore Ayanami when she was two steps below oneself on the insanely long escalator and one had nowhere to escape to.

Even now, she did not regard him. Shinji was unsure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. At least she isn't showing any sign of displeasure. It meant that, at the very least, he had not screwed things up completely two days before. That was actually somewhat reassuring.

Still, the unresolved ambiguity nagged at him.

"Uh, Ayanami..." It had come out of his mouth before he could even think.

"Yes?" the blue-haired girl answered without turning around.

Ah, damn. What do I say now? This was awkward and it became intensely awkward as time passed by without Shinji saying anything. He felt hot.

"I..." he finally managed to say. "I'm sorry. It's nothing."

She simply nodded and kept looking ahead.

Huh. She really doesn't seem to mind...

The synch tests were nothing extraordinary. Dr Akagi was too busy analyzing the data to communicate much more than a grunt of approval now and then, but according to Misato, both Rei's and Shinji's synch rates were stable. Both had even improved, but by less than one percent point. It was not a stellar result, but it did mean both were deployable once the next angel would come around, and as far as NERV was concerned that was all that mattered. Shinji as well did not have any big aspirations concerning his synch-rate; after all he was merely doing his job – and then that job only because nobody else could.

He even told Misato so at one point. The Captain was visibly upset about that attitude, as Shinji could see in his entry plug's comm screen. However, all she replied was: "I know, Shinji. And I'm sorry about that. But as for synchronization... we don't ask you to make an effort for our sake, but for yours. You know how important a proper synchronization can be in combat."

Last time she had screamed at him that such an attitude would get him killed. It was after that that he had run away. In the days afterwards she had treated Shinji very carefully, as if she were walking on eggshells. Over time she had settled into her usual casual self again, but notably, she had not screamed at him once since then. Or even only so much as made a true demand, instead of 'requests'. The end result was still the same, of course, but Shinji appeciated that behaviour. Misato seemed to mean well.

"I know you're on cooking duty this evening," Misato continued, "But you know what, I think I can take over for you."

Shinji nearly jumped up from his plug seat. "There... there really is no need, Misato! It isn't a bother!"

"You shouldn't do that, Misato" Shinji heard Dr Akagi mutter in voice-only, "He needs to concentrate. His synch-rate just dropped by two point six. Not that I can blame him, what with your threat."

"Hey!" Misato shouted.

"Rate rising again," Dr Akagi reported as if she had not heard the Captain.

Shinji smiled and began to concentrate again.

There was not much talk apart from this, and certainly no more private talk. Rei spoke only rarely anyway, and the only time Dr Akagi was not fully professional was when she could make barbs aimed at Misato.

At least this professionalism and efficiency allowed for the tests to end in a timely manner. Once home, Shinji would have more than enough time for his homework and some free time. And maybe Misato would actually not speed on the way home... Yeah, right. The Captain was an excellent driver, as her car-based rescue of Shinji from Sachiel's attacks had shown, but her attitude towards regulations and speed limits was rather cavalier.

The next day at school, it seemed things were finally returning to the sort of peaceful, eventless normalcy Shinji craved. The teachers were droning on about their lectures, or in at least one case veered wildly offtopic to talk about their youth, Kensuke and Touji talked about irrelevancies, and Ayanami simply kept looking out of the window.

So it came as a sort of surprise that on his way back home, he again spotted the blue-haired girl standing on the pavement, obviously waiting for him.

"Deja vu," Shinji muttered.

"Ikari," she greeted him as he came closer. "I have a question."

"Again?" Shinki asked back, but it was in a good-natured tone. "Is this going to become a routine?" Rei just tilted her head. Shinji smiled in response. "Nevermind. What's on your mind?"

"Why do you pilot EVA?" Ayanami inquired.

Shinji let out a small sigh before smiling tolerantly. "You don't do light questions, do you, Ayanami? Well, I..." He hesitated. That question had after all been rather contentious not all too long ago. "I pilot Unit 01 because nobody else can. Well, I heard you can, maybe, but you're needed in Unit 00."

"Is that all there is to it?" Ayanami asked further.

"Pretty much," Shinji confirmed. "If I don't pilot, NERV will have one EVA less operational. That... that is something that can get people killed."

As he was saying that, Shinji wondered if that really was all there was to it. After all, he had not chosen to stay in Tokyo-3 during a battle, but afterwards. When he could have gone away while nothing was on the line. And yet he had decided to stay.

"So you feel the bond as well," Ayanami commented and nodded slightly.

"The... bond?" Shinji asked.

"The bond to people," Ayanami explained. "To all of humanity. It is why I pilot EVA. Why I trust your father." She paused. "You should as well."

"Why?" Shinji simply asked. Reversed roles.

But Rei just looked down. She did not seem to have an answer for it. Finally she asked back: "Why do you distrust your father?"

"He never gave me reason to do otherwise," Shinji answered. He hoped to sound defiant but feared he sounded whiny. "When my mother died, he abandoned me. I didn't hear from him for ten years. When I do, it's a letter telling me to come here, no details. And when I do, I find out I am supposed to go into war for him!"

"Your presence became necessary, when..." Rei tried to explain.

"I know!" Shinji interrupted her forcefully. "And I don't care. When I saw EVA-01 for the first time... I didn't want to pilot it. He must have foreseen that. He let you be carted in in order to blackmail me."

"I was brought in in order to pilot EVA-01, if you had refused," Rei stated.

"Nonsense," Shinji objected. His father - that was a topic that really could break through his normally so calm nature. "You were in no condition to pilot anything. And Father certainly knew that. The only reason you were brought to the EVA cages is so that I would see you."

Ayanami's reaction was nearly invisible. She blinked, and that was all. But that alone was a notable difference from her usually completely blank expression. And it took a while before she said: "What your Father does, he does for a reason. But this is hard to see. I understand."

Shinji scoffed. "I am here all day if he wants to explain his reasons to me. But he never talks to me. Except to give me orders."

"I see," Ayanami just replied. "I hope I have not given offense."

She was about to turn around, but Shinji intervened: "Wait, Ayanami. Why would you think so?"

"My questions caused you distress," she explained.

"No!" Shinji protested, but then had to relativize this: "...well, okay. Maybe a bit. But... I can't talk with others about that. Misato, maybe, but even she... it's good to have someone to talk to. Maybe it's good that someone asks such question, so that one can get a clearer picture of things."

Ayanami nodded agreement.

An awkward silence ensued, until Shinji spoke again: "Uh, I suppose... I'll see you in school again tomorrow, Ayanami?"

The girl nodded again and turned around to go.

Having someone to talk to... to ask those questions... that was a new concept to Shinji. He could not talk about NERV stuff with Kensuke and Touji, and besides he questioned how seriously they would take certain topics. As for Misato... she meant well, but Shinji was still somewhat unsure about her reactions. Besides, she also was his Operational Director. She was in a completely different spot than him.

But Ayanami... he could be sure with her. She did not seem to take offence and she genuinely did not seem to judge. He might not always like her answers, but they would be the same with or without him. He felt he could not screw this up, and that was an immensely relieving thought for someone like him.

The next day, Friday, Ayanami had cleaning duty after class. She would not appear once again on Shinji's way back home. Shinji considered that as he left the school yard... and then took the way opposite to where he would normally go. It was his turn to wait.