Misato had made extra sure to come home timely today. She doubted Shinji had done anything amiss while she had been at work; he was not the sort of boy for that. Still, it was the day after the battle, and she needed to check up on him. He had not gone to school today, as she had told him to just rest. After all, once again he had been involved in saving the world.

"I'm home," she announced cheerfully as she walked through the door.

There was no response. That was odd; even when he was in his room Shinji usually answered. Except when he's listening to that damn music player, of course. Ah well. She had told him to rest, after all, and if that was his way of doing it, then that was fine.

She sat down at the kitchen table and unpacked what she had brought along from NERV. The price of going home early: Paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. But she could indeed do that at home. Most of it were just reports she had to acknowledge and sign, anyway. Most of those concerned the damage to the city: In the last seconds of the battle, the angel, now officially dubbed 'Ramiel', had broken through the Geofront armour. Even worse was the damage caused by the missed positron rifle shot and by Ramiel's impact onto the ground. Right in the centre of Tokyo-3, there now was a giant hole surrounded by several flattened blocs of buildings. NERV would have to close the hole, and the municipal government would have to be basically reconstruct the entire inner city.

Misato was vaguely glad that it was Asuka who had fired those shots. Shinji might have inquired about civilian casualties, 'collateral damage' as the military euphemism went. And while nearly all civilians had in fact been evacuated, the missed shot and Ramiel's crash had caused a few dozen deaths. Asuka is better suited to bearing this, but I still won't tell her unless she asks. Misato hoped she would not.

Shinji came out of his room just in time to begin preparing dinner. He just passed by her without greeting, without even acknowledging her. That was... more than just odd. In fact, such impoliteness was as un-Shinji as it could get. Misato looked up from her work to watch him. There clearly was something on his mind, and she waited for him to tell her. She did not intend to push him about it; that was not the right way with him. After all the boy had to go through, Shinji needed a safe space, not additional pressure. Hence she also would not complain about the rudeness. She did not really care about all that politeness stuff herself, and Shinji had better things to focus on.

Misato packed the papers away and prepared the table just in time for Shinji to put the meal on it. He did so without his usual care, almost ramming the pot onto the table. Misato noticed how stiff he was.

He's angry. But of course he won't say anything. "Thank you for the meal," she said.

Shinji just nodded and began eating, his view focused entirely on his plate. Misato also took some spoonfuls, but after a while the tense silence began to grate on her. She began to worry about Shinji.

"Shinji, is something the matter?" she inquired.

Predictably, the boy just shook his head.

Misato laid down her spoon. "Shinji, if you really don't want to tell me, that's fine. But you're obviously angry. If you're angry at someone else, just vent at me, I promise I won't tell them. If you're angry at me... well, just vent regardless. Maybe I did do something wrong." And I'd dearly like to know what.

" 'Maybe'?" Shinji echoed, still looking down, a subdued anger now clearly in his voice.

"So it's me," Misato stated flatly. "Well, I can't improve myself if you don't tell me what I did wrong."

"It's nothing," Shinji muttered. And after a while: "You are the Operations Director, after all"

Ahhh. "Yes, I am," Misato agreed hesitantly. Then she had an idea. It helps that I'm not overly proud. "But I'm also your guardian. You can tell your guardian what that bitch at NERV did this time."

That at least got Shinji to look up in surprise. Good. It still took about two minutes of him just stirring his soup until he answered, once again with his head lowered: "Misato, why did you just redeploy us?"

"Hm?" Misato prompted him to go on.

"After the first fight with the angel," Shinji explained."Do you know how much it hurts to... and then you already redeployed us while we were still unconscious!" Finally his voice got louder. "You didn't even ask us. Didn't even tell us. You just sent Ayanami to present us with a done deal."

Misato furrowed her brows. She looked down so that Shinji would not immediately catch that. He was right. She had devised her plan while he and Asuka still were unconscious, and when she had heard they were awake she had simply pushed on with it. She had known exactly what she was doing, even while Ritsuko had still raised doubts whether Shinji would pilot again at all.

"You came to the train station. I thought then you did care," Shinji now almost whispered. "But now, you're just using me as a tool again. All of us. Dr Akagi was ready to reconfigure EVA-01, to let me go. While you..." He shook his head.

"Shinji... of course I planned for three Units," Misato told him. "But if you had refused to pilot, I... I wouldn't have held it against you."

"Really?" Shinji asked flatly and subdued. After a pause he went on: "If I had told you right then and there I'd go, you wouldn't have tried to convince me otherwise, wouldn't have tried to save your plan?"

Misato looked down again. She could not lie in this. In the end, Shinji had become merely the reserve pilot in the mission, but her initial plan had called for him to hold the shield. And if he had walked out of that... she would have tried to convince him otherwise. Probably would even have shamed him into staying. With victory or defeat over an angel at stake... with an angel in sights as her prey...

Right then and there, Shinji had just been a tool for her. She understood what he was complaining about: That she had simply expected him to continue to pilot. So she remained quiet.

He did not comment, did not gloat in his rhetorical victory. Instead, he just continued eating. He did not even seem particularly sad.

She still made one last, feeble attempt to defend herself: "My job at NERV comes with certain necessities..."

Uncharacteristically, Shinji interrupted her loudly: "Was it also necessary to nearly kill Ayanami?"

That took Misato aback. "What?"

Finally, Shinji seemed to have lost all prior restraint. "Your plan to catch that angel in Mt Asama. The angel was found below the maximum security line for EVAs, but you didn't care and went ahead with your plan. And when the angel wasn't there... you didn't order a retreat to reconsider, you didn't have the N2 charges dropped, you simply let Ayanami go down even further!"

"I... the angel..." Misato stammered.

"Was that the only thing that mattered to you?" Shinji accused her. "Killing the angel?"

Misato remembered the immense feeling of relief that had overcome her when Shinji had saved Unit 00. Not only because both it and Rei had been saved, but also because otherwise it would in fact have been her responsible for the girl's death. However, since then, she had not further thought about the topic. It was no use dwelling on things in the past.

Was that the only thing that mattered to me then? ….yes.

"So what will you do when the next angel comes?" Shinji asked her when she did not answer.

"Shinji..." Misato appealed to him.

"Don't worry," Shink said cynically. "I know what my job is, Captain Katsuragi."

Misato looked at him, utterly shocked and hurt. His accusations were true, but that in particular made them so painful.

Shinji himself now froze. He seemed to realize what he had said. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry!" He hastily stood up from the table and ran to his room.

There was always something surreal about returning to something as boringly normal as school after a fight against alien abominations in a 60m battle machine. Shinji would like to think there also was something calming about it, but… it was not really like that. It just drove the point home that it was only him and two other people who were expected to fight, that only they knew what it really meant. Everyone else got to have a normal, relatively carefree life. Not him.

And it felt like nobody cared about that, either. They all just expected him to fight, no matter how much he suffered. It seemed unfair to Shinji. He recognized that only certain people could pilot. Dr Akagi had once mumbled something about very specific neural structures that would have to match the structures of individual Evangelion units, or at least their mental programming. So Shinji realized that he had to fight, had to stay a pilot, or else so many people would die – billions of people, if Asuka was right. But in the end, after every successful battle, all of them were saved, while only he suffered. How did that make any sense?

Is that really something where everyone can just expect me to do my duty? Why should I do this for the sake of the world, when the world just puts me from one painful situation in the next?

...I'm being selfish again.

He rubbed his eyes. He was tired. He had left the apartment deliberately early today, early enough that Misato was still sleeping and would hence not run into him. He felt bad about the harsh words he had told her. Not that they were not justified, but… There was no reason to put it like that. No reason to put her on the spot. And she was the Operations Director, after all. Maybe she did care a bit for him, but first and foremost he was one of her pilots.

He had to be of use to her, just like with any other people.

"Hey!" someone just catching up to him greeted. Shinji looked up; it was Touji. "Seems like the battle was rough."

He sounded actually concerned. Touji would do this, from time to time, throw in a reference to the battles or NERV training and ask how Shinji was holding up, but that seemed to be just politeness – phrases that were somewhat expected and then forgotten about again once appropriately answered to.

Besides… "How do you figure?" Shinji asked. How would you even know?

"You look kind of… mopey again," Touji explained.

"Yeah, despite the victory!" another voice catching up to the two spoke up. Kensuke, of course. "I only saw some of the officially released footage… all bullshit, of course… but – that was a position rifle, wasn't it?"

Shinji shrugged. Details like that were not really important to him. He wondered sometimes why Kensuke cared about that stuff. The group was just entering the schoolyard, which was slowly filling up with people.

"Yeah," he answered. "I heard Misato requisitioned it from..."

"Hey!" a new voice cut in aggressively. Shinji turned towards it and saw Soryu running up to them, leaving a visibly confused Horaki behind in a corner. "That's classified information, you dolt! You can't just go around telling it to everyone!"

"Oh come on!" Touji and Kensuke replied in unison. Touji continued: "He was right there! You can't just tell him to..." and Kensuke: "How long do you think this secrecy will even hold, anyway?"

Soryu crossed her arms. "No arguments. Classification exists for a reason. And you're a pilot, Third Child. You're expected to behave like a professional."

Shinji sighed. Soryu was probably right. He could say no reason why such details should be kept secret, but knowing NERV they probably were such rules. He did not particularly care about being professional, but it would probably do no good to go against the rules.

"She's such a stuck-up bitch," Kensuke complained after the trio had walked on.

"Usually you'd be the first to point such things out," Touji told him. "Unless it interferes with you getting information, of course."

"Well, it does now!" Kensuke argued. "Also, she shouldn't boss Shinji around like that."

"Yeah," Touji just agreed. "That ain't right that you can't even say what has happened to you."

Shinji shrugged. "It doesn't matter." It did mean he would again have nobody to talk with about the battle except for Ayanami, but it seemed that was how these things went.

Touji grunted. "Well, it… it should." That settled the discussion until the trio reached the classroom.

When they entered, Kensuke sighed. "Too bad about the mall. Why did that damn angel have to attack right at the centre point of the city?"

"Yeah," Touji agreed. "Hell if I know what I'm supposed to do after school today." He paused. "There is actually a fair amount of homework lying around back home..."

"Yeah, I don't think I'll hang out in the city today," Kensuke agreed. He sighed. "Maybe I'll find some good places in other parts of the city."

Shinji did not comment. He had hoped avoiding going home as long as possible by staying out late in the city, but with the city centre demolished that did seem unlikely. And apparently, his friends would just go home. But I can't so easily…

He barely paid any attention to class, but that was okay. School did not really matter to him. It did not help him survive battles with giant creatures out to kill him, particularly him as an EVA pilot, and as for his future… that was not something he thought about. And when he did, he rather assumed he would not see it. He wished he had a window seat, like Ayanami. As it was, he could only stare dully ahead.

He only slowly began to pay attention again when lunch break started. He noticed how people gathered around Soryu. Of course… But it seemed to be more than usual. He casually walked over until he could hear what the redhead was saying.

"They told me I only had one shot, but I was so proficient I managed to reload the gun just in time! Not even our head scientist had thought that…."

Shinji sighed.

School was boring, Soryu prevented him from talking about his experiences just so that she could, Touji and Kensuke returned home immediately after school and Shinji feared going home. There was only one moment of the day that promised to be at least a bit uplifting.

Shinji was anxious about Ayanami not being at her usual place. By now, he was relatively sure that if she could be, she would be there. With her, he did not have his usual fears that he might drive her off or that she might suddenly lose her interest in him. It would, after all, be difficult to top his idiocy at her apartment. But by the same token, also as part of her personality, she might not announce if she could not come.

As usual, Ayanami simply stood entirely still at her usual place on Shinji's way home and looked in his direction. She was entirely expressionless. Her unusual, red eyes simply continued looking right at him, but he just smiled faintly.

As he came to a halt next to her, both of them were silent for a while. Finally, Shinji asked: "How are you?"

"I was reassured any remaining pains will fade within this day or tomorrow," Ayanami reported.

"Oh," Shinji breathed. And after a while: "So, are you feeling pain right now?"

"Yes," Ayanami simply answered.

"...you're amazingly calm then," Shinji told her. "Shouldn't you have stayed at home? Or... uh, do you have painkillers at home? I think Misato has some back at her apartment..." Which would mean going there, but...

"The pain is insufficient to justify either action," Ayanami replied. "I have already consumed high quantities of painkillers over the last two days. I do not wish to build up a tolerance to them."

"Oh. Of course," Shinji answered. "Still... I'm sorry to hear that. It's just..." He sighed. He did not know how to express himself. He might have given up, usually. But with Ayanami, he could try. He could still fail to communicate what he meant, but he would not make an utter fool out of himself. "Why are you so calm then? If you're in pain... you don't even move, let alone make a sound..."

"Should I?" Ayanami asked.

"It makes me think you're suppressing those reactions for the sake of others," Shinji explained what he meant. "And that... I don't like that thought." It was weird to rationally know Ayanami had pain, but to not see it on her. That way, he could not even commiserate or, within his limitations, offer support to her. And he wanted to help her.

"Why?" Ayanami inquired.

"You're already suffering pain," Shinji answered. "Enough to require painkillers the last two days. You shouldn't burden yourself further. Especially... especially not for the sake of the people for whose sake you already got those injuries."

"You worry about me again," Ayanami said. It was a purely factual statement, without emotion or judgement one way or the other.

"You were hurt pretty badly," Shinji pointed out.

"As part of the mission," Ayanami replied. "I had to protect EVA-02. It was necessary."

That made Shinji involuntarily grunt in response. Necessity! It reminded him too much of Misato. "Doesn't it bother you?"

"What do you think should bother me?" Ayanami asked.

"That..." Again Shinji struggled to sort out his thoughts. "That you were put in this position. That Misato simply put you in a position where you got such injuries... where you might have died. Dr Akagi gave me the chance to leave. What about you? Can you just leave?"

It took some time for Ayanami to answer, and untypically for her, there was a change in her usual soft monotone: She was almost whispering. "No. Piloting EVA is my purpose."

"Your... purpose?" Shinji repeated. "Is that the 'bond' thing you talked about?"

"Yes," Ayanami answered.

"Doesn't that bother you?" Shinji asked further.

"It is part of my nature," Ayanami explained. "Therefore, I do not resent that fact. It would be like resenting my leg or my arm. It is just as unchangeable. But it is different for you. You are not bound by any particular purpose."

Having no purpose in life... But by now Shinji knew that Ayanami meant that in a positive, comforting way, similar to when she had told him she could have simply taken over EVA-01. He wanted to argue against her being 'bound', but he feared he would not find the right word. He felt selfish about doing so, but he hence changed the subject to himself: "Misato, my father... NERV... they don't seem to agree. They see my purpose in piloting EVA-01."

Again it took some time for Ayanami to reply. "That is your job. You are not bound by it."

"Do you... do you want me to go, Ayanami?" Shinji muttered.

"No," she answered. "But it is an option for you."

Shinji sighed. He truly appreciated what Ayanami was trying to tell him in her laconic style, but he was unsure if she was right. "I don't know. Not anymore, I think."

"I see," Ayanami answered.

An awkward silence ensued, something that had become a regular part of their talks. It signalled that the conversation had run its course. Eventually both Children began walking again, in opposite directions.

However, nearly immediately, Shinji came to a halt again. It bothered him that they had ended up only talking about him. He had to make at least an attempt. "Ayanami?"

Ayanami gave a sound of recognition. "Hm?"

"I... I don't know about your 'bond'," Shinji told her. "I don't understand it. But... it seems to me... even if you're bound to piloting EVA, that does not mean you just have to accept everything that comes with it."

Ayanami turned around. "What difference..."

"Maybe... maybe it was necessary to protect Unit 02," Shinji went on over her. "But that doesn't mean you have to hide the pain."

"That is indeed not mission relevant," Ayanami conceded. Then she continued walking.

Shinji did likewise, until he realized he was on his way home... on his way to Misato's apartment. There was absolutely no reason to already go there, though. After a while, he turned right at an intersection instead of walking straight on. He had no idea where he was going, but as long as it was not to that apartment it would be alright.

Tokyo-3 was not quite a metropolis, but still a large enough city. Even without a city centre, there were innumerable streets and neighbourhoods to go to. Shinji passed by shops, parks, and indeed even an old arcade centre that would probably see rising numbers of customers now. He passed through quiet alleys and busy streets. To him, it made no difference: Even at the busiest places, all the people were just part of the background noise. He did not really care what was around him: After all, he was not really there in order to be there, but just to be away from Misato's apartment.

Not that he had any intention of actually running away. He had done that once already. It was no solution... or rather, he already had a solution available to him. He could quit piloting EVA and leave Tokyo-3, after all. But he had already decided that once and then gone back on his decision. He could not waver back and forth on this forever. He had decided to stay... with everything that would entail. It was just that right now he did not feel like facing Misato.

The light of the day shifted to the full orange typical of an ending day. In two hours or so the sun would set. Shinji's feet were sore, so at the next park he crossed he sat down on a bench.

He must have dozed off for a while, because he snapped his eyes open in surprise when he heard his name: "Ah, Shinji Ikari. What are you doing here?"

A man in his late twenties or early thirties with shoulder-long hair and a rolled up magazine in his right hand stood in front of the bench. He looked vaguely familiar

"Ah... I'm sorry," Shinji answered. "You're from the NERV bridge staff, aren't you? But I don't know your name."

"Yeah, I am," the man answered. "Aoba. Shigeru Aoba."

"Nice to meet you, Mr Aoba," Shinji muttered.

"Still out this late?" Aoba asked. "Won't Captain Katsuragi worry?"

Shinji looked down. Misato probably was worried, in fact. She worries about me, and then still sends me out to fight...

"Ah well," Aoba continued when no answer came forth. "I suppose this is none of my business. Just don't go home all too late, you know?"

The bridge tech walked on. Following an impulse, Shinji jumped on his feet. "Uh... Mr Aoba..."

Aoba stopped and turned around. "Yes, Shinji?"

Shinji suddenly became very self-conscious and awkward again. But he managed to stammer out: "Ah... s-sorry, but... if I may ask, why did you join NERV?"

Surprise showed on Aoba's face. Then he shrugged. "It pays the bills. And hey, I do something for the defence of the world. That's good, right?"

Shinji nodded unsurely. "It's... a purpose for you, then? Something to believe in?"

Aoba's brows furrowed. "I wouldn't call it that."

"What do you mean by that?" Shinji inquired. "Uh, if I may ask."

"There isn't a such a thing as a higher purpose for anything in the end," Aoba told him. "Not us, not the world, certainly not NERV jobs. And pretending there is usually leads to bad things."

"But you're in NERV..." Shinji began.

"As I've said, it pays the bills," Aoba argued. "And it would rather suck for me if Tokyo-3 is destroyed or maybe even the whole world."

Shinji was slightly confused by an attitude that was so openly... He could not even quite place it. Callous? Dismissive?

"What's... what's so bad in believing in purposes?" he asked. "Don't people need..." He searched for the right terms and failed.

"Need something bigger than themselves to believe in?" Aoba asked back. Shinji nodded, glad to have been understood. Aoba sighed again. "I did not expect to discuss philosophy with a fourteen year old here. Look, the problem with 'higher purposes' is that if you have something that is bigger than any single human, then you have something that is big enough to sacrifice people for it. It's bigger than any one human, after all, right?"

"But… how do you go through life then?" Shinji muttered. "If you... if you truly think there is no purpose to anything, not even your life..." It was a familiar attitude to him. It was a thought that had dominated large swathes of his life so far. But that had not been a happy existence. He even had considered putting an end to it all, even.

Aoba smiled. "Well, I have rock music," He held up the magazine and Shinji saw that it was about just that, "and air guitar playing. Isn't that enough?" He shrugged. "In the end, that's all we can hope for in life. To have fun."

"I see," Shinji stated. He was not sure if that philosophy made sense to him.

"Sorry if I have confused you, but hey, you asked," Aoba told him. "And you should really head home now. See you around!"

When he did come home it was already dark outside and had been for some time. He ignored Misato jumping up from her place in the kitchen and went straight to his room. To her credit, she sounded simply worried and kept any anger she might be feeling out of her voice. Even so, Shinji would rather not face her. It was difficult to run away from one's room-mate, but he tried his best.

The Seventh Angel has been defeated.

Things were happening in rapid succession now. Sure, for now Rei would still have to go through her normal life, in a world she just could not connect to, experiencing the dull pain of existence. Forced into a shape that was not really hers, but at the same time not truly being what she was derived from, and now not even all there anymore. Rei recognized this all had been necessary for the mission, and to protect Lilith's… her… Lilith's children. But it was painful and heavy to bear. However now it would soon be all over. Rei Ayanami would soon cease to exist, and her soul would return to the sleeping, unthinking stupor that befit its station.

She just hoped time until then would pass quickly. Day to day life still was a struggle, and there were few things that helped her get through this. Commander Ikari's unwavering faith in her, for example. Or his son's concern for her. She could understand the Commander. He dealt with her in clear, concrete terms, in terms of what was necessary and beneficial for his Scenario. Shinji Ikari, though, was more of a puzzle.

He did not think in terms of the Scenario, and yet he seemed to care for her well-being. Part of that was of course that he just did not know what she was. He could worry about her pain or her life or anything like that because he did not know she was in the end just a tool… a tool for the most important project on Earth, but ultimately not a full person. She had feelings and thoughts and a human shape, but that was almost incidental. She had a clear purpose, and would be replaced if broken or no longer suitable for that purpose.

However, many people did not know that fact. Only a handful people in Japan knew about it, plus the international conspiracy of SEELE. None of her classmates did, for example, and yet none of them interacted with Rei beyond what was strictly necessary. On the whole, only those people who knew what she was showed an interest in her. Shinji Ikari was the sole exception to that pattern.

The idea that a person might care about more than just her purpose was a confusing one. She had always defined herself via that purpose after all. It and her existence were inseparable. And yet… when the previous day Ikari had voiced concern for her again, she had… appreciated that. The talks with him did help to pass the time until her pain could finally be laid to rest. It was unfortunate that she could not talk with him about this pain, but it was still better than nothing.

She also liked when she could help Ikari in turn. She did not even try to fully understand him, as she knew from experience that most people were beyond her understanding. But it was clear that he appreciated those conversations as well, and that made Rei feel… She could not quite put it. Needed, but in a way that was beyond her purpose. That felt nice, too. And she genuinely wished to help Ikari if she could. Soothing him felt like a success to her.

If Commander Ikari said it was necessary or helpful for the Scenario that his son piloted EVA-01, then Rei believed this and would hence contribute to Shinji Ikari doing so. But at the same time… she felt he should be aware that he could in fact leave. It was… difficult to navigate around those two factors.

She would do her best, though. She greatly disliked the thought of disappointing either Ikari. That was why she was standing in her usual spot on Shinji Ikari's way back home, and watched motionlessly as he approached. It was a bit inefficient that she was staying in school for hours and only really got to interact with him afterwards, never more than a quarter or half an hour, but that as well was better than nothing.

"Ikari," she greeted him. "How are you feeling?"

He had asked that the day before, and might do so again. It was often part of his greeting. But this time, she wanted to ask.

"Ah, I'm fine, Ayanami," Ikari replied with false cheer. Then he sighed. "Actually, no, not really. There's no reason not to tell you. I... I dread going home. Going to Misato's apartment."

"Why?" Rei asked.

"I... argued with Misato," Shinji explained. "I probably shouldn't have."

Rei's eyebrows moved by a few millimetres. "Captain Katsuragi is your direct superior." It would be inconceivable for Rei to argue with superiors.

"Is she?" Shinji argued back. "I have a NERV ID card, but no rank or anything. I'm not part of her military hierarchy."

Rei knew what he meant. Commander Ikari had once explained to her why NERV was set up that way, why the pilots could not be officially part of the military hierarchy. He had called it a 'necessary social construct'. She had not understood why it was necessary, but she had trusted him. Now this meant she lacked the understanding to argue against what Shinji Ikari was saying.

Ikari sighed. "But I still shouldn't have. I do take part in EVA operations, after all, and she... she is my guardian as well."

Rei nodded slightly. She had never fully understood the role of 'guardians'. To her, a superior was a superior. She did not understand why several redundant relationships codifying that status were necessary. She made no difference between Gendo Ikari as Commander of NERV or as her guardian. But if that special role of Captain Katsuragi as Shinji Ikari's guardian made him listen to her, then that role was apparently doing its job. That was good.

"Why did you argue with her?" Rei asked.

"I was angry," Ikari explained. "She wanted to know why. So I told her. I... I don't like how she's treating us, Ayanami. Her operations plan nearly got you killed at Mt Asama, and against the latest angel she redeployed Soryu and me while we were still unconscious. It's callous. It seems... it seems we're just tools to her."

I am. But Rei could not tell him that. And he did not need to bear that burden. "You dislike being considered a tool?"

"Of course!" Ikari exclaimed. "I wished... I wished people cared about me. About me, not my use. That they were nice to me. But it seems I can only get their attention when I pilot my Evangelion."

Rei thought this important. This was the first time Ikari had mentioned what he wanted for himself. She would have to keep that in mind.

"What will you do now?" she asked.

Ikari sighed again. "I don't know. I don't want to go back to Misato's place. Not until it's evening, at least. I suppose I'll just walk around in the city again. It's just too bad that Kensuke and Touji have gone home already."

"Would you have liked them at your side?" Rei asked.

Ikari shrugged. "I did hang out with them in the city now and then. Doing that without friends... It's boring walking the streets on your own. Kinda... lonely."

Rei considered that and mentally checked her schedule for the day. There were no assignments at NERV. It would be a very unusual change in her routine, but it would not at all infringe on her duties. "I can accompany you."

Ikari almost jumped up. "Huh... what?"

"Would that not make walking through the city less boring and lonely?" Rei argued.

"Ah, well, I suppose," Ikari stammered. "But, uh, but..."

His reaction was strange to her, but that did not bother her. Most people reacted at least occasionally in ways she considered strange, and she had learned to live with that. People acting strangely was normalcy for her. The only exception to that was Commander Ikari. She knew what motivated him, all his actions were dedicated to that and he was always straightforward. She liked that about him.

"It isn't the same as walking with friends," she conceded, "but it might be preferable to the alternative."

"Well, uh..." Ikari began to mumble. "I think... I think we might be considered friends as well, but..."

That makes sense, Rei reflected. Their regular talks would probably let them fall into that category. That was... good, even though it was strange to give a value to something not related to the Scenario. But then, it surely also would not hurt the Scenario, so that was probably okay. She waited for Ikari to finish what he was trying to say.

"...I mean, I don't want to be presumptuous... that is, if you don't mind to be considered a friend..."

"I don't," Rei simply answered.

"Ah, good," Ikari stated. "But even so... well, you see..." Rei just waited. "People might get the wrong impressions. It would kinda look like... like a date I suppose." His voice trailed off awkwardly.

"If people think that, they're wrong," Rei stated matter-of-factly. When Ikari just stared at her, she for once felt compelled to clarify: "There is no need to worry about their misconceptions."

"Well, yeah," Ikari admitted, "but..." For some reason he looked away, seemingly into the distance. He sighed. "I really don't want to spend another day like yesterday. So, if it's really no bother to you..."

Rei simply shook her head her head and waited. Looking hesitantly at her, Ikari got going.

They walked in silence. Rei had never done so before – just walking, not to get to anywhere but just as an activity in itself. It seemed futile and wasteful, but if that was what Ikari wanted, then there maybe was a purpose to it. He now and then glanced over to her, as if he were awkward with the arrangement or maybe the silence, but if he had complaints, he did not voice them. The two just walked on.

After a while, she felt her shoulders relax slightly. This was really unlike her daily routine. She did not need to worry about the next assignment on her schedule, as there were none for today, and yet she also was not at her apartment, just waiting for the next day. Instead she walked through the city simply because she wanted to do so. Because Ikari appreciated it.

She noticed another one of Ikari's glances. He was smiling. Smiling at her. Only the Ikaris had ever done that. She felt blood creep up in her cheeks. That was not something that happened when she talked with the elder Ikari. She was unsure what to...

An image of red and orange popped into her mind. "How about, oh I don't know... be damn happy yourself? How about trying to simply smile, idiot?"

Pilot Soryu's instructions.

Delivered with a fire that was so very unlike Rei herself or Shinji Ikari. But Soryu had been right back then. She had given good advice. So the next time Ikari glanced over, Rei smiled herself. She tried to, at least, because it did feel right, it did feel fitting to what she was experiencing. Even so, it were only the corners of her mouth that slightly moved upwards.

It still surprised Ikari as much as her smile at Mt Futago had. Again he nearly missed a step, before managing to smile back even while his mouth was wide open. As the two walked on, he looked down, but kept his smile.

Pilot Soryu is proven right again. Maybe her overly forceful behaviour has some merit. It did drive home her point, and heeding her point seems useful.

After they had walked like that for some further minutes, Ikari commented: "I'm glad you accompanied me, Ayanami."

"Hm," Ayanami voiced in agreement.

"It's not quite the same as hanging out with Kensuke and Touji... they talk like they get paid by the word... but it's... nice," Ikari added.

She was glad that... She decided to say it. "I am glad this turned out okay for you, Ikari."

Now Ikari grunted agreement.

A silent half-hour later, Rei remarked: "I do not remember ever coming through this area of the city."

"Uh, well, it's a pretty large city..." Ikari offered as explanation. "I..." He stopped. Rei did likewise, looking at him for an explanation. He looked at its watch. "Still at least four hours until sunset," he muttered, and then looked at Rei. "Do you mind using the tram to a place outside the city?"

"No," Rei answered truthfully.

She followed Ikari after he abruptly changed his direction. If he wanted to use the tram, that was fine by her as well. She had never used the line they were taking now, but she was familiar with the tram grid in Tokyo-3. The line would end just outside the city.

She sat down. So did Ikari, at least a metre away from her on the bench on her right side. Since there were only a handful other people on that tram that was alright. He looked down as the vehicle got going, and for some reason formed a fist. After two stations he got something out of his pocket: his music player. He looked at it as if in contemplation, then suddenly looked up.

"Ayanami," he asked her, "do you listen to music?"

Rei shook her head.

"I only have my usual tape with me, so it may not be to your liking, but... you could give it a try," he suggested to her and held out his music player.

Carefully, she took it. She looked at it, its small body and the cables extending from it. She... she had no idea what to do with it. She remembered how Ikari usually wore it, the plugs in his ears. Was that... right? She hesitantly led one plug to her ear, but stopped mid-movement.

"Go on," Ikari prompted her with a smile. When she did not, he got up and walked over the step in between them. He blushed slightly. "Uh... Ayanami... if I may?"

Rei just nodded, unsure what he meant.

He slowly reached out his hand, slow enough to stop it, carefully took her wrist and gently led her hand to her ear. His index finger lightly pushed against the backside of her hand, prompting her to enter the plug. His face, now directly in front of her, had become even redder, but he was still smiling faintly.

His hand had become warmer as well.

Rei knew the feelings of other hands on her body: as part of her regular medical tests, when people first showed her how to enter a plugsuit, when medics had taken her out of EVA-00's entry-plug. Few had been as warm as Ikari's. And none as careful and gentle.

She also stuck the other earplug in. Nothing happened, until Shinji took her other hand, in order to make her hold up the player. He pressed a button.

As expected, there were sounds coming out of the earplugs. Music, Rei supposed. She could even discern a rhythm ordering those sounds. As far as she understood musical theory, it was that rhythm that made people appreciate music. However, to her, that had never happened. To her, pieces of music remained just sequences of sounds.

Another station was passed when Ikari asked: "So, what are you thinking, Ayanami?"

"I do not know if the music is adequate," she answered truthfully. "I am incapable of judging it."

"What do you mean?" Ikari asked. "You must have an opinion." He chuckled. "You can tell me if it's bad, I don't mind."

"It is not better or worse than any other music I have heard," Rei told him. "I cannot tell what makes music good."

"Oh," Ikari voiced. He sounded disappointed. He sat down again. In fact, he let himself fall down onto the bench without much thinking, so that now he sat much closer to Rei. He looked down for a while, until he muttered: "That can't be."

Rei looked at him to discern what he meant.

"Even if you're not much into music," Ikari now addressed her, "there is one piece... one segment... let me show it to you..." He took the player and began pushing buttons. The music jumped to a different piece. "It's kinda slow in the beginning, I know, but there is one part... hm." He looked over sheepishly. "May I have one of the earplugs back? So I can see how much to fast-forward."

Wordlessly, she handed him the right earplug. He had to lean towards her so that there would be enough cable length. She did likewise, leaning to her right side, supporting herself on her hand. She felt Ikari straighten up. His hand was nearly in the exact same location. Then he fast-forwarded the song up to a certain point.

Now more instruments carried the music, not that Rei could discern between them or name them. The music became more voluminous, more forceful. To Rei, it made no difference. It still evoked no emotional response in her, as she had read music should. She did not say anything, though. It was still nice. She did not enjoy the music, but it did not bother her, either.

She did like sitting close to Ikari while he enjoyed the music. The tape started the next song, and the next, and the two still just sat there.

Finally, though, the train arrived at its final destination. By then, the two were the only remaining passengers. They got up somewhat awkwardly, and Rei handed the player back. She was vaguely sad that the situation had ended, but she would never have protested.

The station consisted of a single platform. From there, Ikari led Rei up some stairs on a hill slope, leading to a street. They followed the street until it reached a car park.

Ikari smiled. "Isn't that a sight?"

He made a gesture spanning the horizon. The car park was on a cliff overlooking Tokyo-3. There were tower viewers at the edges.

Rei looked at Ikari, to see where he was going with this.

"Tokyo-3," he exclaimed. "The city we protect. The city you and Soryu protected against the last angel."

He was right, of course. If an angel ever reached Terminal Dogma, and she was not there to enact the Emergency Solution, then Tokyo-3 would be at the centre of the devastation. Its physical form would be destroyed and its people, like all humans, gone.

Rei had never seen the city from this angle, but she knew the maps. The layout was familiar to her.

Ikari now stood right at the railing. He let his head hang low. "Misato took me here, after I had defeated the first angel. To show me what I've been fighting for. I wonder..." His hands griped the railing hard.

For minutes, the two just stood there, looking over the city, wind passing over them. Finally, Rei asked: "What do you wonder?"

"Misato..." Ikari answered. "Why she showed this to me. Did she genuinely wish to... I don't know. Cheer me up? Praise me? Or did she calculate that this would make it more likely I'd pilot Evangelion? Did she want to help me, or manipulate me?"

"Your fears are unfounded," Rei told him. "I do not think Captain Katsuragi has the necessary skills."

That made Ikari look at her. "What do you mean?"

"Captain Katsuragi is an excellent tactician," Rei explained, "which is reflected in her role as Operations Director. Her skills at social manipulation are far less pronounced. Otherwise, she would be employed in a different manner, most likely administration." Commander Ikari certainly had prodigious skills in that field, which was to the benefit of the Scenario: For its sake, everybody had to be employed according to their abilities. And for Shinji Ikari and Rei this meant piloting Evangelion.

"I see..." Ikari answered. "Well, you have known her longer, so I trust your judgement. But then..." He shook his head and looked over the city again. After a while, he spoke again: "Ayanami... what do you think about the city?"

"It is my home," she simply replied.

"Home..." Ikari echoed. "That makes sense. I... I don't think I have a home."

She looked over to him. "Is Tokyo-3 not also your home?"

"It's where I live," Ikari corrected her. "But home... isn't that supposed to be the place where you're happy to return to?"

Oh. That made Rei reconsider. "Then, maybe, I also do not have a home."

"That's... sad," Ikari judged. "And yet, you just go on, and never do something as stupid as lounging around in the city all day just because you don't want to return to your place of residence."

Rei did not comment on that. There was nothing to say about it.

More time passed by. "It doesn't seem you're enjoying yourself here, Ayanami," Ikari stated.

"Enjoying myself?" Rei repeated.

"That's why people come here, isn't it?" Ikari said. "To enjoy the view over the city. Apparently you don't."

Rei considered that. "No. I do not see where that enjoyment should come from."

Ikari sighed and smiled. It looked oddly sad. "It's all right. Let's head back."

They waited silently at the train station, the only people to do so, and entered a hence otherwise empty tram.

After its departure, Rei suggested: "Maybe we could listen to music together again?"

That seemed to surprise Ikari. "I thought you... uh, yeah. Sure."

He got his music player out. This time, the plugs were in the ears facing each other, so they did not sit as closely together, but it was still fine. Again, Rei leaned in closer to Ikari.

They sat like this all the way to the opposite end station. They took the same tram back, and, on Ikari's suggestion, boarded another one near the devastated city centre. The rest of the day was thus spent riding trams. Ayanami had never realized that could be enjoyable.