Asuka felt and looked tired. A combination of having had the whole previous day free, finally getting back her consoles and a TV after several weeks without and not having a room mate present to rein her in meant she had gotten very little sleep. She had played the entire Street Fighter series forwards and backwards, Tekken, Mortal Kombat, the FIFA games, racing simulators... She hadn't even noticed how the hours had flown by, and the only time she had left her apartment had been to go over to Misato's for dinner. Which was also the only time she had eaten that day.
"You look grumpy," Misato observed as she led her and Shinji through the Geofront's corridors.
"They could have scheduled the test in the afternoon," Asuka complained wearily. "At least that goddamn school trip should have meant no school and getting to sleep in for us."
Misato just sighed. You're lucky I've come at all. Though Asuka did have a great motivation to do so. She hadn't left the house the day before, but she had made some calls.
This time, Misato and her pilots arrived at Akagi's lab in time. The woman was standing behind Ibuki, who was sitting at a terminal, a hand on her shoulder and looking at her screen.
Misato coughed to gain her friend's attention.
"I wouldn't have expected you for another quarter-hour," Akagi said drily as she turned around.
Misato sighed. "Let's forego the usual needling, shall we?"
Before she could continue, though, Asuka interrupted her: "Doctor Akagi, what happened to Rei?"
"She's undergoing a lengthy medical check-up, just as I've told Misato," Akagi told her, sounding slightly irritated.
"She isn't in the NERV medical ward," Asuka countered. She raised her chin. "I checked the records."
She had not, actually. She had notified Kaji about the whole thing, knowing that her former guardian was interested in anything odd going on inside NERV. And Kaji had called her back the previous day. But Akagi didn't need to know that detail. Asuka kinda liked presenting herself as some sorta master hacker or data expert.
"How would you have access to..." Akagi began, but then caught herself. Speaking calmly, she continued, "Rei is not in the regular medical ward. She requires special medical attention."
"Special? How so?" Asuka demanded to know.
Misato looked at her with furrowed brows, but didn't comment, instead focusing her attention on Akagi now.
"Are you a trained medical specialist, Asuka? No?" Akagi argued. "Then I doubt you'd understand the specifics. Suffice to say, Rei exhibits some... deviations from standard human biology. Or how many other girls with naturally blue hair have you met so far, Asuka?"
Asuka scoffed. "You could at least give us a summary."
"Don't worry," Akagi told her. "Rei will be back in a few days. There's no need to make a big issue out of that."
Now, Asuka was fuming. That her concerns were simply pushed aside like that annoyed her to no end. Even here at NERV, where they should really know better, people don't treat us with respect!
Misato sighed. "Let's just do the test. Something nice and easy which we've already done a hundred times."
"Actually, this won't be a standard test," Akagi disagreed.
Asuka groaned. "Another mad science experiment from you, Doctor?"
"It's not like we have anything better to do," Akagi defended herself. "Especially you and Shinji, who..."
"Don't you start," Asuka growled. Everyone in the room looked at her. She defiantly raised her head. Okay, so this had been a flagrant violation of Japanese expectations of respect for superiors, but what did she care?
Akagi just shrugged, unimpressed. "Be that as it may. There's no telling when we'll have time for experiments again. And surely you want your Evangelion optimized for the battles against the angels." Asuka just scoffed. "Besides, it isn't even possible for us to do normal synch-tests today. EVA-01 isn't available."
"Why not?" Misato asked.
"It's undergoing intensive maintenance works," Akagi explained. "Which will probably last for some more days as well. Same for EVA-00. Therefore, we only have EVA-02 available."
"Then what will I be doing?" Shinji asked.
Akagi smirked slightly. "You'll be inside EVA-02. Together with Asuka."
"A double-synch experiment?" Asuka exclaimed. "But you said this wouldn't be possible with Shinji and me!"
"I don't really expect to get any results," Akagi admitted. "But EVA-01 is unavailable, and we have time. So might as well experimentally test my theories."
Asuka groaned. "Great. That's what I've been chased out of bed for. Playing guinea pig for your theories." Inwardly, though, there was a weird feeling of hope. If this worked... if she could share the same with Shinji as he had shared with Rei...
"You would have had a synch-test either way," Akagi argued calmly. "EVA-02 is available, after all. And if against all expectation this experiment works... think about what possibilities this opens up to us in the future! We still don't know what caused the spike in Shinji's and Rei's synch-rates, but if this could be utilized on the battlefield... well, I don't think I need to explain to you the value of that."
"So, what? You want me to climb into that entry-plug together with Shinji?" Asuka asked provocatively. "So that he can feel me up or what?"
Shinji didn't even protest; he just looked down on the floor. Great, so he would actually feel me up? Part of Asuka had no problems with that, but all in all, the great Asuka Langley-Soryu did not just allow boys to do that to her. Still, she was slightly sorry about having pushed Shinji into the defensive like that yet again.
"Rei had no problems with that," Misato trilled.
Rei also had no problem appearing in the nude in front of us. But even Asuka couldn't just blurt this out. Rei had nothing to do with this, and she didn't want to denigrate her in front of Misato and Akagi.
"That's her choice," Asuka stated and crossed her arms. She kinda wanted to see if she could get the same results with Shinji as Rei did, but she couldn't very well admit to that. Besides, she was still annoyed at Akagi, and saw no reason why the doctor shouldn't feel that.
"You're a pilot, Asuka," Misato reminded her, now sounding forceful. "Act professionally."
Oh. So that's how it is. I am to show respect, but they... Asuka narrowed her eyes. "Is that what you think as well, Dr Akagi? That I should act 'professionally'?"
"Yes it is, Asuka," Akagi answered gravely.
"Don't you see the contradiction in what you've just said?" Asuka asked.
Again, people were looking at her. Confused. "What do you mean?" Akagi asked.
"You want me, as an EVA pilot, to treat you professionally," Asuka argued. "So why am I not treated professionally, as an EVA pilot?"
"And what do you mean by that?" Misato intervened.
Asuka didn't turn to her, but let her gaze rest on Akagi. "When exactly have she and I herded pigs together?"
Everyone in the conversation, and the onlookers of that conversation, looked confused. Except Misato, but then, she had lived in Germany. She just groaned. "Really, Asuka?"
'Have we herded pigs together?' or variants thereof was a slightly passive-aggressive German phrase, said when taking offence at others using the informal address or assuming a first name basis (the two usually went together). Now, it wasn't that Asuka really minded being addressed by her first name. That was how it was done in Germany as well, after all: Children were addressed by their first name. But there was a difference: In Germany, everybody did so, including other children. Children were just addressed by first name, period. That was just a general rule and hence not a marker of status or anything.
But here in Japan, she was expected to address her classmates by family name (not that she really did), while at the same time adults could freely address them with their first name. That did make it a hierarchical status thing, with who gets to address whom in what way a matter of relative social standing. And it was time for Asuka to demand her appropriate social standing. Besides, why shouldn't she be addressed as an adult? The same people, at the same time, expected her to do adult's work, to go out into life and death battles and fight for their protection, and then still reserved the right to treat her as a child. Cherry-picking the best of both worlds for them.
No longer. After all, demanding respect had worked with the stooges, so why not here as well?
"What does she mean by that?" Akagi asked Misato.
"If you want professionalism, a professional working relationship between us, then you should act and speak accordingly," Asuka told her. "Then we are colleagues. Then, I am Pilot Soryu to you. And then, yes, then maybe you can order me into that entry-plug, as a matter of professionalism."
"Really now?" Akagi asked.
"Misato gets a free pass as my guardian," Asuka told her. After all, she could also call her by first name. There was equal standing. "You don't. Be glad I don't expect you to say 'Pilot Langley-Soryu'." Her Japanese documents listed 'Langley' as her middle name instead of as part of her double family name, but as far as Asuka was concerned, that was nonsense. Her German passport and the documents from NERV Germany got it right.
"Are you going to demand that of Commander Ikari and Vice Commander Fuyutsuki as well?" Misato muttered.
"Just watch me," Asuka snarled.
Akagi sighed. "Very well, Soryu. You are expected to enter the entry plug together with Shinji."
Asuka nodded forcefully, as if to make her victory official that way. Maybe I owe Mana a word of thanks. Not that she'd ever utter such... "Then I'll go change." And with that, she turned and left the others behind in the room.
Asuka had made it very clear who would get the pilot's seat: She. After all, it was EVA-02, her Evangelion, they were in. Shinji would sit in her lap, not the other way round.
Even so, it was kinda awkward. The plugsuits were so thin that it felt like the two were sitting skin to skin. Awkward, but not exactly uncomfortable. After all, it wasn't like Asuka hadn't thought a lot recently about holding Shinji. And now that she was in such close physical contact with him... It felt as good as she had imagined it.
Not that she had any designs on him. She was still convinced the best way to go forward was to hook up Shinji and Rei; it was just Rei's sudden absence which had sabotaged the plan for the moment. But now that they were here anyway, playing guinea pigs for Akagi's mad science project, she could as well enjoy the situation, as far as she was concerned.
Akagi wanted to replicate the same conditions as in Shinji's and Rei's double-synch experiment as closely as possible; as part of that Shinji and Asuka were now expected to sit as close to each other as possible. And well, if that was demanded... Asuka laid her arms around the surprised Shinji. With how much her mind had dwelt on that recently, she could just as well try it. It was covered by scientific necessity now, after all.
She began feeling kinda hot. Shinji was... soft. In a good way. She idly wondered if Kaji, wiry as he was, would feel the same. Probably not. It was a bit like holding a live, and warm, teddy bear. She laid her head on his back.
"Uh... Aaa... Asuka..." Shinji protested weakly.
"Shut up and concentrate on synching!" Asuka told him. "We're here for a reason."
"R...right," Shinji confirmed.
"I want to get that top-end synchrate as well!" Asuka exclaimed. "That's why I'm doing it. Be professional about it."
"Ah... right," Shinji repeated.
After all, the end goal still was to hook him up with Rei.
It still felt good resting against him. And it made her imagine all sorts of other things she could do with him. Mentally, she angrily swiped those images away, but they persisted.
There was a giggle over the communication system. "Initiating First Contact," announced Lieutenant Ibuki.
The comm channels. Fuck! Asuka was about to frantically get away from Shinji, but then stopped. They just... didn't want to do so. Screw them. And maybe I'll have a talk with Ibuki about 'professionalism' as well. As she was currently going all out against NERV personnel anyway, she might as well go all out. And in the end, she was just following Akagi's orders, after all.
"Initiating Second Contact," Ibuki announced, now more serious.
Asuka smiled as she felt EVA-02's familiar neural feedback. It had always felt like home to her, much more than whatever place she was currently living at. Apartments came and went, guardians came and went. And friends had been non-existent until recently. Only EVA-02 was always there for her.
...but there was something else. A presence, though she couldn't discern much more.
"Initiating Third Contact," Ibuki announced.
Now Asuka was truly home. But it was as if there were another person in her home. She felt a sense of vulnerability, of loneliness, of fragility. A sense of... Shinji-ness. She raised her head from his back and looked at him. She couldn't discern any thoughts, and the sense was faint, as if far away, but... That is what he feels? That is his world?
It was not unlike her own.
"Asuka..." she heard Shinji mumble.
In response, she hugged him tighter and leaned her head against his back again. She would have few objections against going into battles like this.
Going into the experiment, there had only been two options: Either nothing at all would happen, with only Asuka synching and Shinji just being a bystander, like back then Touji and Kensuke in his own entry-plug... or he would feel Asuka-ness the same way he had felt Ayanami-ness. He had both dreaded and hoped for the latter.
He dreaded it because, well, it was Asuka. He liked her – really, really liked her, but it wasn't the same as with Ayanami. He felt similarly strongly for Ayanami, but the blue-haired girl was... safe. Soothing. Comforting. Asuka was fiery, challenging, always with the possibility of failure. And shying away from pain and the possibility of pain had always been his survival strategy. Still, he also hoped for success, because...
Just imagining the intense moment of closeness he had shared with Ayanami applied to Asuka made him shiver. Feeling Ayanami not just physically, but her very presence, her essence, that had been the best moment he had had since coming to Tokyo-3. And while he liked her serenity, he liked Asuka's passion just as much.
...he probably shouldn't feel that way. Not about two different girls. But he did. Despite how different they were. Which made him suspect he only liked them because they were the only two girls willing to put up with him.
He had not at all expected Asuka to hold him in an embrace from the beginning. It did make sense, though: The best chance to reproduce the synch-rate successes from the experiment with Ayanami were to replicate the conditions as accurately as possibly.
...that didn't mean Asuka had to lean her head against him, though. He protested of course, but Asuka dismissed the protest. And most notably didn't let go.
Shinji felt hot. And yet... he liked being held like that. The last time he had... the last time he had been was by his mother, more than ten years ago. Having Asuka all around him, her arms around his waist, her head on his back, her voice directly in his ear... it was terrifying and reassuring at the same time. And more than just that. It was to easy imagine other sorts of physical contact now. Very easy.
"Initiating First Contact," Ibuki announced with a giggle. Just like she had last time. Shinji felt embarrassed. Surely this reflected badly on him? Not so much that he had such reactions to Asuka, maybe, but that he had them to both Asuka and Ayanami. That seemed... somewhat perverted.
"Initiating Second Contact," Ibuki announced a bit later. Now Shinji felt something but is was vague and low level. He got a distinct sense of being in an EVA, but not only was that sense very much weaker than in "his" Evangelion, it also felt different. Friendly, but less... homely, if that made any sense. But what mattered was that he did feel something. Which meant, shortly he would feel...
"Initiating Third Contact."
...there it was. Asuka. Her essence. Asuka-ness. Shinji sharply breathed in LCL. She was... burning and fragile like a flame. Vulnerable, but still struggling. Forever struggling against her demons, where he had long since given up. Burning brilliantly and hot, leaving behind nothing but ashes, but at the same time even the slightest wind gust could threaten it. And he didn't want this amazing flame to extinguish. He wanted to protect and nurture it and delight himself by watching it.
"Asuka," he mumbled.
He felt Asuka's arms around him tighten, and her head returning to his back. Felt engulfed by that flame now. Felt protected by that flame. Nothing would dare pass it. Asuka had promised to protect him, and now he felt that promise. As long as he was under the cover of that flame, nothing would be able to touch him. Nothing. Not angels, not his father, not the world. He owed it to that flame... to Asuka to repay her.
When the test was over, both pilots left the entry-plug in a dazed state. Even after they had walked a few steps in silence, Asuka still had a hand on Shinji's right shoulder. She only hesitantly withdrew it. But at the same time, both pointedly avoided looking at each other, unsure how to process this intense emotional moment they had just experienced.
For a long moment, Shinji just stood under the shower, unmoving, letting the hot water wash over him. It wasn't like he hadn't expected this to happen, and yet... There was just nothing that could prepare one for such a moment. Ironically, it probably was weaker than the shared experience he had had with Ayanami; maybe the fact that he shouldn't be able to synch with EVA-02 at all did play a role. But that didn't even matter. He had felt Asuka, Asuka's inner essence, and that what was mattered. That was what shook him.
Asuka's fire... Asuka's body... Asuka's embrace...
...Ayanami's soothing coolness, Ayanami's body, embracing Ayanami.
...Ayanami holding Asuka? Asuka kissing Ayanami?...
More hot water washed over Shinji.
I'm so fucked up.
He was rather subdued when he got to the debriefing in Akagi's lab room.
"You two surprised me," the scientist opened up the debriefing. "Something did happen. As I'm sure you perceived." Both Asuka and Shinji just nodded, not looking at each other. "The effect was notably smaller than with Rei and Shinji in EVA-01, but it was there. Shinji at one point broke the thirty points barrier. That's enough to move an Evangelion, even fight in it. And A..." She grinned ironically. "Soryu," She trilled the name, making quite sure how she felt about this whole issue, "even was nearly ten percentage points over her usual level. That's remarkable." She sighed. "Back to the theory drawing board for me then."
"Oh, some guys can achieve anything when pressed against a girl they like," Misato declared with a smirk. Shinji blushed. Even Asuka didn't protest.
"In any case," Akagi spoke up again. "Well done, Soryu..." She smirked. "Shinji."
That... wasn't right. And if Asuka was looking out for him, he should look out for her. Shinji breathed in. "I...Ikari."
"Hm?" Akagi voiced.
"A...Asuka is right," Shinji managed to get out, balling his hands into fists. "We... we're colleagues, Dr Akagi. So..."
Akagi moved her hand to her face and groaned. "You as well?"
Asuka laughed triumphantly. That made it all worthwhile.
"I... I am a pilot as well," Shinji stated. "Otherwise... otherwise I wouldn't even be here... wouldn't even be talking to you."
Akagi sighed. "Very well. Dismissed then, Soryu, Ikari... Hah. This'll cause some confusion."
Misato looked at them both and furrowed her brows, but said nothing. She and the two pilots left the lab.
Asuka bent over the sheets of paper on the kitchen table and smirked. You want an essay, alter Sack? You'll get an essay. But probably not the one he would have expected. Military discipline, okay. But Asuka was focusing on the limits of it. On cases where it was allowed to refuse a order, and where it was mandatory to refuse an order. Ironically, she could use the Bundeswehr, the German military, as guideline.
Let's see how you Japanese dinosaurs deal with Innerer Führung and the Staatsbürger in Uniform. Or citizen in plugsuit in my case, I guess.
According to those principles, in a democratic society (something which Japan still styled itself as, despite all evidence to the contrary), military discipline had to exist within a certain framework. There had to be an ethical legitimation to the military organization, it had to be integrated into society (given NERV's nature, Asuka of course gave this part quite some space), its organization had to allow for the personal rights of the soldiers as far as military necessities allowed, and the single soldiers had to have a personal conviction to do their job and follow orders, but also to refuse illegal orders.
And just as soldiers had to refuse illegal orders, they were also free to dismiss orders that were not following an official purpose relevant to the military organization or orders that were unreasonable, though the conditions for the latter were usually so extremely narrow as to make that case non-existent. Now, none of this had anything to do with Asuka's case as such, but focusing on those aspects allowed her to fulfil her task while at the same time making it very sure what she thought of the whole thing.
It was a bad idea to challenge a 14 year old college graduate Wunderkind by letting her write an essay. Fuyutsuki would soon see that.
Of course, the Bundeswehr had developed those ideals as a reaction to the atrocities of the Wehrmacht, the Nazi military. Asuka wondered if she should instead look up some more locally appropriate examples of atrocities instead, like Unit 731. Fuyutsuki seemed like the conservative Japanese type who would not appreciate that.
As she considered looking up sources about that topic, her mind drifted back to the previous day. Hoo, boy... She had to admit, she had liked the physical closeness. Looking back, it had been enjoyable. What was more, she had gotten a glimpse into Shinji's nature that mere words would never have allowed her. And after having seen how vulnerable Shinji was... how burdened down by the world, and yet always remaining so friendly, so helpful, so understanding... she felt the inner urge to help him, to protect him. Frankly, she wanted to pull him into a hug and never let go.
...well, fuck. What then of her plan to set Rei and Shinji up? What then of her plan to pursue Kaji? Stupid Shinji had gone and ruined that all!
Sighing deeply she returned to her writing when someone opened the door. Immediately, Asuka jumped to her feet... and saw Rei entering the apartment. Or more precisely, an exhausted looking Rei with dishevelled hair and dark rings beneath her eyes came careening into the kitchen.
"Rei!" Asuka exclaimed. "Are you alright?"
Fuck, what has happened to her?
Rei looked at her, at first as if not comprehending. "Ahh... Asuka," she merely stated. She looked like she might fall over any minute now. Asuka rushed to her side and grabbed both her upper arms, so as to lead her gently to the kitchen table.
Finally, Rei seemed to recognize her surroundings. "I am... fine."
"You sure don't look like it!" Asuka snapped. "What happened to you?"
"I was..." Rei began, but then stopped and simply stared into nothingness. It took almost ten seconds until she continued, but then she did as if she had never stopped. "...undergoing a medical check-up."
Now Asuka was really worried. Which meant that she became frantic and loud. "What did they do to you there?"
Rei didn't answer this at all. And Asuka was fast running out of ideas what to do now. Seeing Rei so hurt, so vulnerable... She suddenly felt the exact same thing she had felt for Shinji: Just wanting to hold Rei, to shelter her from all the bad things in her own arms, and to never let go. But whereas with Shinji that strong emotion had gradually built up in shared events over the past days, with Rei it came all at once in a strong burst that felt like a punch to the gut.
Asuka almost jumped over the table when it seemed like Rei would fall out her seat. The blue-haired girl ultimately didn't, but Asuka still grabbed her by the shoulders. And then, not knowing what else she could do, feeling desperate and just overwhelmed by the sudden surge of emotions for Rei, she pulled the bluenette into a tight hug, gently pressing her head against her chest.
Rei didn't even react, which made Asuka all the more worried. And Asuka refused to feel embarrassed. She was the great Asuka Langley-Soryu, and the great Asuka Langley-Soryu didn't feel embarrassed. She could hug her roommate whenever she wanted.
"Come," she finally said. "You need to lie down before you hurt yourself."
Asuka gently led Rei to the latter's room, and helped her lie down on the futon there, then knelt beside it. She still didn't have a single clue what to do. She was about to stand up, when Rei wordlessly grabbed her leg.
Asuka knelt down again. "Rei?"
The blue-haired girl remained quiet, simply not letting go of Asuka's leg. Finally, she said: "My head... my head hurts. Please... don't go."
"I'm not sure what I can do!" Asuka whispered desperately.
"Please don't go," Rei repeated.
"...of course, Rei," Asuka assured her. She skittered closer to the futon.
Rei groaned. Asuka reached out, hesitated... and then remembered her calmest night in recent memory, when she had awoken in Rei's arms. Carefully, she laid Rei's head on her lap and began stroking her hair.
She would have to find out what had happened to Rei. How irresponsible was it of NERV to send her home like that? When she wasn't even fully healed again yet? Or... Checkup. Akagi called it a check-up, not a treatment. What had they checked? What sort of check-up lasted days and was so intensive or invasive to leave the patient behind like... like that?
But for now the most important thing was taking care of Rei. However, Asuka felt overtaxed with that. Okay, so, she had taken the initiative to provide physical comfort to her, but... she feared she was bad at that. She just wasn't made for all that emotional-sentimental stuff. She needed support. She needed...
...Shinji. Shinji might know what to do. He knows her, and he understands me.
"Hey, Rei," Asuka whispered softly. "I'll be back soon."
As she tried to get up, Rei groaned in protest.
"I'll bring Shinji," Asuka explained to her. "Maybe he knows what to do."
"Shinji..." Rei echoed. There were no further protests, though she did wince slightly as she repositioned her head from Asuka's lap to the futon.
Soon afterwards, the Katsuragi apartment was hit by a barrage of endless door bell ringing and hammering at the door.
Misato opened. "Asuka." She sounded worried. "What's the..."
Asuka didn't even look at her, but stepped inside past her, and shouted into the apartment: "Shinji! Come quickly! Rei's back! She... she isn't well at all! Please, come!"
"Rei?" Misato asked. "What's with her? Is there something..."
She didn't get to finish. Shinji, in shorts and a long purple shirt, came running to the entrance. He didn't even bother to tie his shoelaces, he just stormed out together with Asuka. He did manage to say a hasty "Illbebacklatermisato", though.
The two found Rei in her room, lying on her futon, not emitting a single sound, but twitching.
"She's come back staggering from that 'medical check-up'," Asuka explained, sorrow and a rising anger struggling in her voice. "What sort of 'medical check-up' was that?"
Shinji's brows furrowed. He went down on one knee next to the futon. "Ayanami... Ayanami, are you... what happened to you? Can I do something for you?"
"Stay," Rei just said monotonously.
"Uh... of course, Ayanami," Shinji reassured her.
But that apparently wasn't enough for the blue-haired girl. Slowly, she lifted her upper body up from the futon, an act that seemed to almost exhaust her. Then she let it fall against Shinji.
"Buh...wah... uh..." Shinji stammered.
"Are you stupid?" Asuka scolded him. "That way she'll fall down again. Hold her properly!"
"Uh.. bah... uh..." Shinji continued, but he did put his arms around Rei.
Both closed their eyes soon after.
Asuka had... mixed feelings seeing this. On the one hand, by accident (she wouldn't call it 'dumb luck' – the way Rei currently was was certainly no 'luck') the plan to get Rei and Shinji together had just gotten a boost again. But by now she didn't even know anymore if she wanted that plan. Seeing Shinji hold Rei, she felt excluded once again. But... indeed only excluded. She wasn't jealous of Rei for getting Shinji's attention; rather she was glad that someone cared for Rei. Or maybe that wasn't quite correct, either. Maybe she would have been jealous of the person holding her... if it had been anyone other than Shinji. But as it was, she was glad to see them both content. Just... a little left out.
She was disrupted in her conflicted thoughts when Rei leaned sideways, almost falling out of Shinji's arms, who thus got rudely awoken from his closed-eyes bliss, and again tugged at Asuka's trousers.
"R...Rei?" Asuka asked.
She looked up at her with wide eyes. "...please?"
Jesus, she can melt hearts to LCL with that look.
Asuka got on her knees. She gave Shinji a sorta awkward look... and then enclosed Rei from behind. Rei rested her head on Shinji's shoulders, and Asuka hers on Rei's back.
Having such close physical contact was very unfamiliar to Asuka. She probably would not have initiated it if not for the emotional turmoil of the past few days. But it did feel good to rest her head on Rei's back... or, a day earlier, on Shinji's. And she would not let go now. Rei was in a terrible state, and she wanted to shield and shelter her with her body, to tell the whole world to go away and leave the girl alone.
Well. The whole world except for Shinji maybe. It was kinda weird to be so close to him now as well, his face just a head's width, Rei's head's width, away from hers. But it didn't feel like an intrusion by him. She had felt his goodwill, his personality that would never deliberately hurt others, that was always looking out to please and help others. Not that this sensation should really have been necessary anymore; she had also seen this in his day to day interactions with her and Rei. What it came down to was that she trusted Shinji. Trusted him enough to have his head so close to hers... his eyes... his mouth...
The weird thing of course was that Asuka was having similar thoughts about Rei. But right now, none of this mattered. Maybe she would worry about it later, but right now she wasn't concerned. Right now all that mattered was that intense swelling of emotions inside her that was all aimed at helping and nurturing and holding Rei.
Carried by that intense feeling, she grabbed Shinji's arms, which were also around Rei. She sighed. She was worried about Rei and pitied her and also was deeply suspicious of NERV, but she also was... content.
Suddenly, Rei began to mutter. "I am not her. I am not her. I am not her."
"Uh... Rei?" Shinji asked carefully.
"I am Rei Ayanami..." Rei continued to mutter. "Not her."
Shinji and Asuka looked at each other. Both were worried.
"You... you are Rei," Asuka confirmed.
"And we really wouldn't want you to be anyone else," Shinji added softly.
Asuka looked at him in surprise. That had been unusually smooth for him. It was also true, of course.
Rei remained quiet for a while, but finally muttered, "I'm sorry."
"Ayanami?" Shinji asked.
She got some distance from him again, which meant pushing Asuka backwards. "I am sorry. I should not have been a burden on you two."
"Are you stupid?" Asuka protested from behind her. "You aren't!"
"I have taken up much of your time," Rei argued. "And I might have made you two uncomfortable by physical contact."
Shinji and Asuka looked at each other. It was almost a form of telepathy: Both knew exactly what the other one was thinking.
They grabbed each other's arms and closed the double hug around Rei again.
"This isn't a burden," Asuka murmured.
...and was shocked to realize both how true that was and also that she had just openly admitted as much. She had the bad feeling that there would be much fallout to contend with afterwards. But that was indeed afterwards.
Also, her knees kinda began to hurt.
"Do you... do you require anything else?" Shinji asked. When there was no answer, he guessed, "What about food? Are you hungry? I could make some okayu; that's easy to keep down."
Asuka smirked. Okayu was a sort of rice porridge that was seen as comfort food in times of a cold; similar to chicken soup in Europe and America. It did seem appropriate.
Hesitantly, Shinji loosened his grip around Rei. He looked at her with obvious worry in his face, then looked Asuka straight in the eye. "You'll take care of her, won't you?"
"That's exactly what I had planned," she told him.
Shinji nodded and got up. Asuka repositioned Rei so that the blue-haired girl's head was now lying on her shoulder. It was imperative not to stop comforting Rei. Asuka just would not.
Shinji looked at them, nodded again, as if satisfied, and then turned and left to return to his apartment. Since Asuka and Rei never cooked here, there were no supplies in their own.
Asuka sighed and closed her eyes. For now, there was nothing to do but to take care of Rei. Be there for her. And, by God, she would be. After all, it wasn't exactly unpleasant to hold her like this.
Shinji felt... tense. And confused. But also, for maybe the first time in years, at least outside the EVA, determined.
It had been weird to see Ayanami physically needy like that. And even weirder to be the object of that need. However, after sharing such an intense emotional and intimate physical moment with Ayanami, there was no way he could let her down now. Strong feelings were bubbling beneath the of his mind, kept in line only by his commitment to further help Ayanami by getting food ready for her.
By the gods, he wanted to help her! It was terrible see her in a state like that. He had held her and now he just wanted to make everything right for her again. Right now, that meant little more than preparing okayu, but that meant doing something at least. And doing things meant that he didn't need to think about what he felt for Ayanami... or what he felt for Asuka... or how Asuka stood in regards to Ayanami. For now, all that mattered was helping Ayanami. The girl for whose sake he had first entered the Evangelion.
Even while he was worried about her, though, it had felt... good to hold her. To both hold and be so close to Asuka. Both, once again, that he could do something to help, but also the physical proximity itself. It was maybe weird and pathetic that he reacted like a Pavlovian dog to both girls, but he could not deny the facts. He really cared about both of them, and he really wanted to be close to both of them. It probably didn't speak well of him. If Kirishima continued to be so nice to him, would he begin to feel this way about her as well? What worth did his feelings have then?
Misato entered the kitchen from the living room. "Okayu? Rei must really be under the weather."
Shinji coughed and fought down a blush. He was not about to tell Misato just how much comfort Ayanami had required. "She really could use some easily digestible food."
"Whereas I would have preferred something less bland," Misato remarked.
"Ah, well, I'm sorry, I know it's my turn to make dinner, but..." Shinji stammered.
"Don't worry," Misato reassured him. "I'll make do. It's your turn, but you have taken over at least a dozen of my turns, so... I'll just order something for myself. Just see to it that Rei gets into shape again."
"That's what I had in mind," Shinji muttered.
Misato raised an eyebrow at that. "What's with her, anyway?"
"She... she doesn't seem to be all there," Shinji explained. "Ever since she's come back from that 'medical check-up', or so Asuka says." He paused. "Can you... can you ask Dr Akagi..."
"Yeah, I probably should," Misato interrupted him. "Rei is one of my pilots, after all."
When the meal was ready, Shinji called Asuka to inform her. Then he considered how awful Rei had looked. It was likely Asuka would need a hand. He quickly put on his shoes again and went to wait outside of the door to the Soryu/Ayanami apartment. Asuka looked kinda surprised to see him. She had Ayanami's arm draped over her shoulder so as to half support, half carry her. Without much thinking, Shinji took the other half.
It was only a short walk to the Katsuragi apartment, of course, but Rei really didn't look like she could make it on her own, or at least not without running the risk of falling down. Shinji wondered how she had even made it back to the apartment bloc. He realized the three of them made quite a scene. Asuka was of course notoriously uncaring about those things, but he normally wasn't. Now, though... Ayanami's well-being was surely more important than the whispered gossip of neighbours.
Misato merely raised an eyebrow when she saw the three enter like that, but didn't comment. In fact, she even readied a chair for Ayanami.
When Shinji brought her a plate of okayu, Rei whispered, "Thank you". It sounded like more than the usual polite formula. It was of course always difficult to tell with her, as she never had the most expressive voice, but right now she just sounded exhausted.
Silently, Shinji watched her eat. He did want to just tuck her away somewhere nice and comfy and lay himself besides her, but if he were honest with himself, he also wanted to do more – or at least, once she was healthy again. But he just needed to glance over to Asuka, who was looking at Rei herself, to notice that he had similar thoughts about her. About extending that close physical contact they had had in the entry-plug maybe.
What did this mean? Did he... did he love them? Both of them? Or was he simply latching on to girls who had shown him kindness? And if those were true emotions... what in all heavens' name should he do now? On one hand, that was an easy question. He most definitely would not simply stop helping Rei now. And he also liked to make Asuka happy, whatever the circumstances. But of course, on the other hand...
What should I do now?