Rei was used to waiting. To doing nothing. To being stored away like a tool currently not in use. That was something all her sets of memories agreed on.
Is that a trait of "Rei Ayanami"? Is that a trait of me, hence?
For hours now, she had sat inside her entry-plug and done nothing. Now and then she had still tried to send out radar and sonar signals, but nothing had ever come back. So she just remained motionless in her seat and concentrated on using up as few resources as possible. As was appropriate for an inactive tool.
They made me a tool.
There it was again, this… resistance. Resistance to things that had been entirely normal to… to the Second. Yes, that was it. First, Second and Third.
...but then, who was she?
She looked at her instruments. There were merely five and a half hours of energy left in the Evangelion. Most likely, soon all her confusion, all her troubles, all her questions about herself wouldn't even matter anymore. Dead people didn't have crises of identity.
And this time, there won't be a Rei Ayanami returning.
...at least this didn't happen to Ikari.
If Ikari had piloted EVA-01, then chances were he would be here now. He would die. That was an unacceptable thought. He already had been burdened down by the world so much; he deserved to live. He deserved to make Asuka happy. Whereas she herself… well, she had longed for oblivion before. Maybe she didn't anymore, but it was still better she be lost than Ikari.
But I want to have my chance as well…
She had finally kissed Ikari. And he had reacted so eagerly to that kiss. She had finally found… someone. Someone who accepted her as she was, for what she was. Someone who wasn't just part of the Scenario, but who was her own free choice. Hugging and cuddling were one thing; but a kiss meant acceptance of intimacy. Acceptance of each other. And feeling that… well, it was good that Rei had used the chance while she still had been able to.
It was just a pity she hadn't had that same chance with Asuka. All she felt for Ikari, she felt for her as well. Why had her previous self ever thought she had time? She had known the world would soon end, after all. There never had been time. But the previous self had always still acted as a compliant tool.
Is that me? Am I one as well? Am I her?
Rei sighed. There really was no point to such thoughts anymore. Now it seemed it wouldn't all be over in a few months, but in a few hours. She had no idea what would happen to her… to the children of her then, but then, there was nothing she could do about it anyway.
Instead she closed her eyes and thought about the kiss. And thought about how a kiss with Asuka might have felt. Thought about the two holding each other, her in between them. Them stroking her hair, rubbing her back, kissing her in turns. Tightening the hug, caressing her body, feeling her warmth. Ikari's understanding, quiet support, care, concern. Asuka's passion, determination, drive for her best.
Beneath her closed eyes, Rei smiled.
One would think that on a building roof, there wouldn't be many places for hiding. And yet, it appeared Touji had simply vanished into thin air. Try as they might to find him, Shinji and Asuka just couldn't. They were meeting again in front of the pilots' container, frustration on both their faces clearly communicating that neither had had any success.
Verdammt noch einmal. We need the stooge. Or he'll follow Akagi's orders.
"Where could that idiot be?" Asuka shouted, in lieu of a greeting. Shinji just shrugged and shook his head. "Well, we need to..."
She stopped when she heard a melody. Somebody was whistling. The unsung lyrics entered her mind automatically. ...betreten, feuertunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum. Deine Zauber binden wieder… She furrowed her brows – Can't escape the music classes back at school - and looked up. Somebody was sitting on the edge of the box, one leg dangling down and one leg pulled close to his body, and was whistling the Ode to Joy.
"Hey, what are you doing there?" she shouted up.
"Singing," was the only answer. Now Asuka recognized who was sitting there: The weird silver-haired boy that had come with Dr Heck. What was his name? Kaworu something something.
"Well, do that somewhere else!" Asuka ordered him.
Kaworu just smiled down at her. "That's the beauty of music. Location, surroundings, individuals, that all is transcended. It is a remarkable achievement of culture, isn't it?"
"Then why zur Hölle are you up on that roof?" Asuka demanded to know.
In a swift move, Kaworu let himself glide down to the ground. Asuka would have judged the height too great for a safe landing, but the boy touched down on the ground gracefully, barely needing to bend his knees. Huh. Must be an acrobat or something.
"I was hoping to meet you, Asuka Langley-Soryu and Shinji Ikari," he told them.
"I see you've been briefed on us," Asuka answered curtly.
Kaworu laughed, a sparkling and clean laugh. "That wasn't necessary. Not to be rude, but I wouldn't have thought you of all people to be so ignorant of your position. You are well known and renowned, Soryu. One of the three… though I guess now four… pilots who defend the world."
"Ah..." Asuka voiced. She annoyed at how stunned and dumbfounded she was, and yet… Renowned? That was everything she had hoped for these past years. But why am I now latching onto this? How do I even know he speaks the truth? And yet… He certainly seemed to respect her…
"And the same is of course true for you, Ikari," Kaworu now addressed Shinji. "A great burden was suddenly heaped onto you, and you've carried it remarkably. Despite the nature of your soul."
"I… uh..." Shinji stammered in response, but in Asuka, suspicion immediately grew again. Nature of his soul? Where did he learn Japanese? 'Kaworu Nagisa' was a Japanese name, of course, but Dr Heck was from Germany. She had even once seen him in Berlin's NERV facility, but no more often than that. She intervened, "And what's that supposed to mean?"
Kaworu shrugged. "Humans are by nature lonely, because their hearts are separated from each other. This hurts some people more than others. Ikari, your heart is fragile like glass. That earns you my sympathy, and my admiration for the burdens you have accepted to carry."
"Don't talk nonsense like that!" Asuka shouted at him. That guy is creepy! "How would you even know?"
Kaworu smiled again. "You two and I, we are similar. As I think you'll see soon."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Asuka raged on. Shinji by contrast seemed to be fascinated by the nonsense the grey-haired boy was spewing. "Damnit, shouldn't you help your mentor or whatever? Shouldn't you busy studying the angel? One of us is inside there."
Kaworu nodded gravely. "So she is. She whose fate is maybe the saddest." He smiled faintly. "But maybe it can still be overcome. Don't worry about her now. She will survive – one way or the other."
"Her energy will run out in four hours!" Asuka argued.
"Yes," Kaworu conceded. "Do not worry. Dr Heck is in fact studying the angel. Though I very much suppose the answer is not with him, but in that angel. With Rei Ayanami."
"Spiritualist nonsense," Asuka scoffed.
Kaworu shrugged again. "If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But I may be right. So why not take consolation in what I'm saying? Those creatures you have created, the Evangelions, are remarkable. Didn't hers move in the last fight even though its energy had been used up? Didn't she command one she didn't even pilot? There is more to Evangelions and to Rei Ayanami than meets the eye."
Asuka grunted. Against her better knowledge, and in a way against her wishes, something inside her began to hope. Because the boy was right – under stress, Evangelions could indeed act very weirdly. And hadn't EVA-01 protected Shinji in his very first fight? On the other hand, there was no guarantee for any of that, and that creepy guy surely wasn't an expert to tell them any of this.
"Ah… even so…" Shinji spoke up. He seemed kinda awkward. "Uh… have you seen another pilot? Uh… Touji Suzuhara. He should be wearing a black plugsuit."
Kaworu, what else, smiled faintly. "Suzuhara seems to want to be alone. I find this rather sad. He has friends to speak to, and that is something that can lead to happiness. It's a good thing. Humans can't overcome their isolation, but they can make themselves forget it."
"That wasn't very helpful," Asuka snorted.
Kaworu tilted his head. "Personally, I haven't seen Suzuhara, but I got a good overview from up there. If he isn't on the roof, he must have gone down somewhere, no?"
Asuka's palm hit her forehead. "The external staircases! Of course! Come, Shinji!" She grabbed his arm and began walking.
Shinji still had time to look over his shoulder and say "Uh, goodbye, Nagisa," before being dragged away by her.
"Creepy guy," Asuka grumbled when they were a few steps away.
"I dunno," Shinji muttered. "What he said… I think I'd like to ask him more about that."
Asuka looked at him with narrowed eyes. "You can't be serious! I bet the guy will make a good televangelist some day. Or New Age conman."
"Tele... New Age…?" Shinji echoed without understanding.
Asuka sighed. "Let's just find Touji."
Asuka was half relieved, half annoyed when Kaworu's tip actually turned out to be helpful. He had in fact climbed down some stairs of an exterior staircase, and had sat down on one of its metal platforms. She saw him first, but to her annoyance, it took Shinji to get him to come to the pilots' container. Asuka could only roll her eyes at that. They had important stuff to discuss, and his petty personal feuds were getting in the way!
"What's with that jacket, anyway?" she asked dismissively as they walked to the container. "Isn't it a bit too hot for that?"
Touji raised his head defiantly. "That's hardly the point." He pulled the jacket closer around him.
"What, afraid someone will see too much of you?" Asuka chuckled.
"That's easy for you to say," Touji told her. "These… plugsuits are just no proper clothing for a boy." He looked over to Shinji. "No offence man. Even if you've apparently gotten used to them, they really aren't."
"Well, I did feel uncomfortable at first," Shinji reluctantly admitted.
Asuka scoffed. "Nonsense. They're our professional attire. What marks us as EVA pilots. As elite. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Treat the whole thing with some professionalism yourself."
"Akagi said the same thing," Touji replied. "Well, she gets to wear a labcoat. I wonder what she'd say if she had to wear such a plugsuit beneath it."
"She isn't an EVA pilot," Asuka argued aggressively. "Don't be such an idiot."
Touji shrugged. "Whatever you say, Miss Professional. If you want to prance around like that, fine. Those are girls' clothing, anyway. But I'm a boy! So I'll get myself a proper longcoat as soon as possible for the job at NERV."
"That's stupid!" Asuka exclaimed. In fact, the idea suddenly infuriated her. Touji was devaluing their status as pilots. Plugsuits were their mark as pilots, and to be a pilot was to be a thing of pride, so the plugsuits had to be worn with pride! Who was he to suddenly wear jackets or coats as if plugsuits were something to hide? That was insulting! "They won't allow it at NERV!"
"I know I can't wear it in the entry-plug," Touji conceded, "but I can shrug it off shortly before I get into there. And get it on as soon as I leave the entry-plug again."
"Yes… but… but… it'd still be unprofessional," Asuka argued. Touji was making her whole life, which so far had always circulated around EVA, something to be ashamed of!
"Why do you even care so much about what I'm wearing?" Touji exclaimed.
"Well, I'm your fellow pilot, am I not?" Asuka countered. "What you do reflects on me. Unfavourably so, most of the time."
Touji harrumphed. "Hardly my problem."
Asuka was still fuming as she opened the door to the container and entered. At least Kaworu was gone now, but Touji was such a goddamn idiot! He was a pilot now, he should be aware that this would come with certain expectations, like for example a certain standard of professionalism! Why couldn't he see that? He was ruining everything with his amateurism!
And Shinji had been no great help. He had remained awkwardly silent during the whole debate, most likely wanting to offend neither side. He was adorable at times, but the very same nature made him such a pushover at other times! And as for Touji, if they hadn't needed him right now, if they hadn't planned on convincing him to disobey Akagi's order, then his ears would soon have started ringing from all the shouting Asuka would have commenced.
"Don't you agree with me, Shin-man?" Touji asked once inside the container.
Oh no, you didn't just…
"Well… uh… I mean..." Shinji stammered. Typical… "I mean, the plugsuits are kind of our uniforms. But… maybe they could design coats like that."
Now both Asuka and Touji looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean?" Asuka asked, half aggressive and half dumbfounded.
"Like… coats with a NERV logo maybe," Shinji suggested. "So they're like an uniform. It'd still be a mark of being a pilot then."
Touji wrinkled his nose, but admitted, "Yeah, maybe. But I'm not waiting until they do so."
Shinji smiled now. He apparently seemed to like the idea. It was kinda nice to see such enthusiasm in him. "Imagine it, Asuka. A red longcoat, your colour, with a NERV logo and '02' on it. And we all have coats with identical cuts."
Asuka laughed, now genuinely amused. "I doubt NERV will go running to the tailors just because of us." She tilted her head. "But it would make for a good look, maybe..." Then again, Asuka had used the plugsuits to get some good looks at Shinji and Rei already. It would be a shame to lose that.
"I think I would like such a coat," Shinji stated, retaining his smile.
"I'm surprised you're in favour of that," Touji told him. "I would've thought you would like to look at your girlfriend." He grinned broadly.
"It… ah…." The obvious 'It isn't like that' died on Shinji's lips, and he looked at Asuka. Asking me to field this? Typical.
Of course, it was complicated. Asuka would dearly love to claim Shinji for herself, openly and for all to see. At the same time, she really didn't want to show any vulnerability, like her maybe needing such a relationship. And besides, that relationship, such as it was, was on hold, and there was Rei to consider.
"What perverse thoughts are you having now again?" Asuka shouted at Touji. "Neither Shinji nor I are answerable to you."
Touji smirked. "Whatever you say. Or maybe Shinji is ogling Ayanami's butt instead." We can do that together… When there was no outraged reaction coming, Touji furrowed his brow, obviously disappointed. "So, why did you two drag me here?"
Asuka and Shinji looked at each other. All concern for trivial side matters was now lost. Now they were coming to the actually serious topic. It was Shinji who first spoke up, "It's… it's about Ayanami. Well, she… she…."
"She only has four hours left," Asuka spoke up brusquely. It had to be said. And they needed to go forwards.
Touji sat down on one of the chairs and looked down. "Yeah. I was briefed on that," he stated quietly. "And they've already had twelve hours to come up with something. Well, nothing happened. It looks pretty grim, doesn't it?"
Shinji sat down besides his friend and looked at him with worry, but Asuka had no time for that. Still standing, she told him, "It's even worse. Akagi has a plan. But it will kill Rei."
Touji whirled around on his chair to face her. "What? You can't be serious!"
"What she wants is to get her precious Evangelion out of that so-called Sea of Dirac," Asuka explained. "She wants to drop nearly a thousand N2 mines on the angel. EVA-01 will survive that. Rei won't."
"She… she's ready to sacrifice Ayanami? Just like that?" Touji asked aghast.
"Now you're getting it, rookie," Asuka declared. "And she wants our help in that. She wants our Evangelions' AT Fields to direct the blast."
It appeared, however, that Touji's thoughts hadn't held pace with her explanation. "They're sacrificing EVA pilots that easily?" he asked, unbelieving.
"Apparently here in Japan they do," Asuka answered aggressively. "But we won't allow that. So listen up!"
Rei opened her eyes. Visions of wild strains of red hair and of shy smiles and gentle hands disappeared from her sight.
It is evening. It is getting dark.
Of course, it wasn't the fading sunlight which caused the darkness. Rather, the LCL in her entry-plug was becoming dark and muddy. The filter systems were losing power. But that was a sort of evening. The evening of her life. The evening of the life that had started four days ago, or the evening of the life that had started several years ago? Rei still couldn't say.
This place reeks.
Unfiltered, the LCL was now revealing its true nature.
My previous self… it hated red? It loved red?
YOUR PREVIOUS SELF?
Rei suddenly jerked her head up. "Who's there?" There was no answer, but Rei felt something. "Who? Who is it? Who?" And suddenly, Rei saw a mirror in front of her. She saw herself, in her plugsuit, reflected from it. "It is… me."
The Rei inside the mirror changed. Now it was wearing her school uniform. "But who am I?"
Rei felt compelled to answer. "I am… I am… I am Rei Ayanami."
"But who are you?" the Rei in school uniform insisted.
There was no entry plug anymore. No cockpit and no LCL and no EVA. The Rei in the plugsuit and the Rei in the school uniform were now directly facing each other, with no mirror in the way.
"Are you Rei Ayanami as well?" the Rei in the plugsuit asked.
"Yes," the Rei in the school uniform answered. "I am that which is referred to as Rei Ayanami."
"We are all things known as Rei Ayanami," a childish voice called from the side of the two other Reis. They turned to find a little girl in a pink dress standing there.
"All of us are Rei Ayanami," the Rei in the plugsuit concluded. "I am Rei Ayanami. But how can all of us be me?"
The childish Rei giggled. "Because none of us are real."
"Real?" the Rei in the plugsuit echoed.
"They refer to us as Rei Ayanami, because they see the surface," the Rei in the school uniform explained. "What's beneath it is..." She hesitated.
"Not all of them see only the surface," the Rei in the plugsuit insisted. And as she was saying that, she was lying on a futon, surrounded by the sleeping figures of Asuka and Ikari.
The Rei in the school uniform stood beside the futon and looked down on it. She tilted her head. "That is true. But even they did not know who we are. They still do not."
The childish Rei giggled again. "It doesn't matter". She was floating in the room, upside down over the futon, looking down so that the Rei in the plugsuit could only see her face. "You possess a false soul and a fake body. Do they know that? Do you know that?"
The Rei in the plugsuit stood up. Asuka, Ikari, the futon, the room disappeared. The childish Rei was now floating in front of her, her head still bent towards her. "I am neither false nor fake," she declared matter-of-factly. "I am simply me."
"No," the childish Rei insisted. "You are an empty shell with a false soul, created by a man named Gendo Ikari."
Suddenly, the Rei in the plugsuit and the Rei in the school uniform were both holding something in their hands. It was a pair of half-broken glasses. The Rei in the school uniform carefully put them away, while the Rei in the plugsuit kept staring at them.
"You are just an object that is pretending to be a human," the childish Rei went on.
"I am a tool," the Rei in the school uniform agreed. "I am created for the day Commander Ikari needs me."
"The day Gendo Ikari will abandon us," the childish Rei corrected her.
A THINKING TOOL? A FEELING TOOL?
"If our existence is my existence, then there has to be more to it," the Rei in the plugsuit muttered.
"There is, but you reject it," the childish Rei claimed. "See. Look deep within yourself. Do you perceive the almost intangible, invisible presence that lurks inside your darkest fears and thoughts? It is there that your true identity lies."
"Are you stupid?" A suddenly appearing Asuka grabbed the childish Rei from the sky and put her on the ground. "There is no such thing as a true identity! There is the part of you which observes itself, but there is also the part which is observed by others! This is the Asuka as observed by you. There is also the Asuka observed by Shinji, or by Misato, or by Ritsuko. They're all different Asukas that only exist within the minds of those people, but each of them is a true Asuka."
"The instrumentality of links between people," the Rei in the school uniform observed.
Asuka… changed. Her figure became flatter, her face more sullen, her hair shorter and brown. She became Ikari. "Yes," Ikari agreed. "It is an emergent phenomenon." He smiled at the Rei in the plugsuit and then just disappeared.
She understood. "I am me, because I am formed by my interactions with others. I create them, just as they create me. That is what shapes the patterns of my heart and my mind." She closed her eyes, and was at the place of her heart's content again: In the arms of Ikari and Asuka.
THIS IS THE NATURE OF ATTACHMENT BETWEEN PEOPLE.
"Attachment..." the Rei in the plugsuit echoed. "Yes. That is what I share with those people who shape me. Whom I trust to shape me."
The childish Rei was now steadily grounded, standing next to the futon. Her faint smile was still kind of eerie. "However, there is someone else who is your true self." Suddenly, people were looking at the Reis. No, not people – clones. "You don't know her, but she exists." Suddenly, all three Reis were standing in the middle of the clone tank. They didn't float; it was as if the LCL around them had no effect on them. The clones were circulating around them like an ocean current. "You deny that fact and attempt to suppress that facet of your reality."
The Rei in school uniform looked down. She knew just all too well what was meant.
ARE YOU AFRAID?
"All of us are," the childish Rei claimed. "Because she might not have a human form. Because then your present self might cease to be."
ARE YOU AFRAID?
Suddenly, the LCL around them turned red… and the clones began to disintegrate. Arms, legs, heads fell off their bodies, crumbled into ever smaller parts.
The childish Rei seemed completely unaffected by that. She just stood there, on nothing, while around her bodies fell apart. "This is what you fear, that you will become nothing. You are frightened that you will disappear from the minds of others, if another exists. Because then your current self will never have existed."
AREN'T YOU AFRAID?
The Rei in the school uniform just… left the clone tank. Walking through the glass as if it didn't exist, she left the scene. The others followed her. The Rei in the school uniform was now overlooking a cliff with a view down on Tokyo-3. The other two stood behind her.
"No," she finally declared. "That is what I wish for. That is what I have always wished for. I want to return to nothing. But I cannot. He will not let me. Not yet. He still has need of me. Only when that need is fulfilled may I return to oblivion."
The Rei in the plugsuit walked up to her. "But now you fear that day. I do. I am afraid."
"It is our fate," the Rei in the school uniform claimed. "We will vanish. And people will forget us."
Impulsively, the Rei in the plugsuit hugged her counterpart from behind. "No. Look."
And suddenly, the two Reis were the centre of attention in the hospital room. Ikari, Asuka, Katsuragi, Akagi, Kaji… they all were regarding her. Tears were on Ikari's face.
"They missed us," the Rei in the plugsuit told her counterpart. "We can trust them not to forget us."
"They… they shape who we are," the Rei in the school uniform conceded.
While the other figures in the scene still paid all attention to her, the Rei in the plugsuit walked over to a corner, where the childish Rei just looked on. She knelt down to address her. "We are not her. Not if we do not want to be."
"You want to turn a dream into reality by willpower," the childish Rei stated. "But it will always remain a dream."
Reality is what we do with it. Every place can be heaven if you have the will to live.
The Rei in the plugsuit… Rei did not know where that came from, but she felt emboldened. "We aren't her. And we aren't Commander Ikari's. We're theirs." She looked at the ongoing scene of her reunion with Shinji and Asuka.
The childish Rei took a step forwards… and hugged Rei. "We are Rei Ayanami."
"We all are," Rei confirmed. "And we are one. You are just as much part of me as those memories."
Rei stood up again… and was alone. No more reunion scene, and no more two other Reis. There was darkness around her.
In the distance, she saw a cone of light, and someone standing inside it. Walking up to it, she could see that it was Commander Ikari.
"He still has need of you," the Commander said.
"I don't care," Rei answered softly.
The Commander nodded. "Good. Tell me, who are you?"
"I am Rei Ayanami," Rei answered. "Not the First, not the Second, not the Third. Not her, and not a tool. Just Rei Ayanami. What that means is up to me and the people around me."
The Commander nodded again. "Then you have no further need of me, and I have no further need of you. Give my regards to his wife."
He turned to go and step into the darkness, but Rei called out, "What did you want? Where will you be going now?"
The Commander stopped. Rei could just barely still see his back. "Do you know where you are?" Rei shook her head, and even though the Commander was turned away from her he seemed to have understood. "This is a gate to endless possibilities. I do not need to triumph in this one. But I want to learn. Your case is extraordinary. It goes beyond self-hate and self-enslavement. Beyond guilt, martyr complexes and indoctrination. Thank you for that."
"I think I should thank you," Rei answered.
The Commander turned around again, so that now only his face was in the light, but the rest of his body in the dark. "You are… you hold her soul, don't you?"
Rei nodded. "And that makes you… my enemy?"
The Commander smirked. "Think carefully about who your enemies are."
And with that, he turned around and stepped into the darkness. He vanished and the cone of light went dark.
Even though the cool evening wind was sweeping through NERV's observation base on the roof of the city building, the air seemed tense. Akagi had had her working place fortified by tarpaulins around her desk. She was now standing in front of it, facing away from it. She was looking at the three pilots that had taken up a position across from her. Asuka was notably in front of them, while Shinji and Touji looked more subdued. The latter was still wearing his jacket. Misato was standing to the side of the two parties.
Akagi crossed her arms in front of her. "So, Misato told me you three urgently needed to talk to me. I'm rather busy. So whatever it is, make it quick."
Asuka raised her head defiantly. This was the moment of truth. "We are here to tell you to work out a new plan. We won't participate in yours."
"What?" Akagi merely replied.
"We will not be accessory to Rei's murder," Asuka declared. At her side, Misato's eyes widened.
"So you eavesdropped," Akagi concluded and tensed her arms. "But you do realize that this plan is the only chance we have to save Rei, yes?"
"Bullshit!" Asuka yelled. "I did hear you. You only care about salvaging EVA-01!"
Misato retained a carefully neutral and stony face, looking back and forth between Asuka and Akagi without intervening. Asuka had been concerned about that part. It had been clear that Misato didn't approve of Akagi's plan, but she was part of NERV's military hierarchy, after all.
Akagi loosened her arms and began gesturing. "Regardless of priorities, it still remains the only plan we have to save Rei! Even Dr Heck couldn't think of a better idea, and he is the top expert on this matter. There is no way we can manipulate the Sea of Dirac in a controlled manner. We have to open it by force!"
Dr Heck was notably absent. Useless guy. "And I'm sure your plan is in fact the best shot at salvaging EVA-01," Asuka argued. "But we won't take part in a plan that won't prioritize Rei's survival above all other concerns." Now she crossed her arms.
"That's mutiny," Akagi hissed.
"Yes," Asuka agreed, now with a smug smile on her face. "And it has the backing of the entire pilot corps."
Akagi took a step forwards. Asuka instinctively assumed a defensive position, as she had been drilled in close combat quarter training, and Misato rushed forwards as well, her eyes on Akagi… but nothing happened. Akagi just stopped and glared at Asuka, and then at Shinji and Touji.
"So you would leave your friend to die," she accused them.
"No," Asuka disagreed forcefully. "We're forcing you to come up with another plan. The only way you'll get our help, the only way you'll have a shot at salvaging EVA-01, is if you devise a plan that prioritizes Rei's survival."
"A new plan?" Akagi shouted. "In two hours?"
"That was the only way to ensure you would indeed do that instead of looking for other alternatives," Asuka told her coldly.
Akagi's glare now found another target: Misato. "You've slipped in your duties, Captain. Your pilot corps is starting an outright mutiny."
Misato nodded gravely and then turned her face towards the pilots. "If you truly disobey this order, then this will have consequences, you know."
"Saving Ayanami is worth that," Shinji whispered, though he was looking down on the ground, apparently unable to face Misato.
Touji had his hands balled into fists. He was speaking more forcefully, but not without uncertainty in his voice. "Ayanami saved my life. I owe this to her."
"Besides, Akagi is technically wrong," Asuka stated. "This isn't a mutiny because we aren't officially part of a military hierarchy." Something that Asuka actually found really, really, silly, but she would use that fact whenever it was convenient for her.
"Oh right," Akagi spoke up now with a false sweetness in her voice. "You're just helping us with 'EVA research'. Well, NERV can end the 'cooperation' with you."
"With all of us?" Asuka asked rhetorically with a scoff and grinned.
Now Akagi was grinning as well, ever so slightly. "No, Soryu. Only with you."
That took Asuka aback. She literally walked a step backwards and raised her right arm, as if to ward off a threat. She had been sure she couldn't be touched, because after all, NERV couldn't just fire its entire pilot corps. But if she were singled out for punishment… they could in fact make her lose her pilot status. And what would her life be worth then? Without that pilot status, what had she truly accomplished in life? She would be nothing. Ordinary. Less than ordinary.
Shinji still didn't looking up. And he spoke very, very quietly. But speak up he did. "And we can end our 'cooperation' with NERV."
"If Touji does this, that results in his sister losing medical coverage from NERV," Akagi reminded them. At that, Touji looked away and didn't comment. "And would you have him walk into battle alone?"
Misato now openly frowned at the Science Director, who didn't seem to regard this.
Asuka was both desperate and furious. A life changing deal was now becoming a threateningly realistic prospect. Her entire life could well be turned upside down. She could lose the one thing which had given her a sense and purpose in life. And she feared that, very much so. At the same time, NERV needed them. Akagi was in no position to make such threats. Who was she, anyway, to do that?
And to browbeat Shinji with emotional blackmail like that… Asuka decided to call the bluff.
"I don't think NERV will," she spoke. Her heart thumped as it had never before, not even in angel battles, and she knew her voice was cracking at times. "You have a vested interest in defeating the angels after all."
"So do you. So does every human," Akagi argued.
"Would you sacrifice that goal to petty power plays then?" Misato asked quietly.
Akagi glared at her. Asuka and Misato glared back. Shinji was looking down, Touji was looking away. Nobody spoke. They had come to an impasse.
The silence was broken by a comm signal from the laptop on Akagi's desk. "Director, something's happening! The shadow has disappeared! The Dirac Sea is visible. Something… something's moving inside there! You better come see this!"
The entire group, no matter the side they had just taken, ran over to the nearest edge of the roof, and pressed themselves against its railing. From here, they could see where the shadow ball had been. And indeed, now they instead saw the black morass on the ground which had already had half drowned some of the buildings of the central city.
And there, in the middle of it, the light of the setting sun was reflecting off something.
Small waves raced through the black shadow. And then something rose from the middle of it. Something big and purple and humanoid. EVA-01.
"REI!" Asuka shouted.
Besides her, Shinji was breathing heavily. She looked at him and saw a broad smile on his face. There were single tears running over his face. Next to him, Touji looked intensely at the scene. So did Misato and Akagi, with the latter muttering something Asuka couldn't hear.
Asuka looked again how the Evangelion ascended out of the shadow. Head, upper body, legs… she realized how tired she was. It was time to go to bed, normally, and the day had been exhausting. Now that the adrenaline of the confrontation with Akagi was lessening, she could feel it. Relief turned into sheer tiredness. She just wanted to fall onto her futon and sleep. But not without seeing Rei safe first.
When EVA-01 was finally entirely on the surface again, the shadow moved away from it… and the Evangelion fell down. It just collapsed on the spot.
"We gotta help her!" Shinji exclaimed.
"Hey, is that one of ours?" Touji spoke up next to him.
He pointed into the air. A big, black helicopter was flying there. It seemed to chase the retreating shadow.
The helicopter was now flying directly over the angel's body. Kaworu marveled at the spotless black that gave his brother the name he had among certain Lilim. Leliel, what are you up to now? Kaworu himself was standing in the helicopter's open door, looking outside. His hair was ruffled by the moving rotors above him.
"It is time, Tabris," Dr Heck said from behind him, speaking German. He had remained sitting on one of the passenger area's benches.
Tabris. Kaworu preferred his other name more, but it didn't matter. He was both, and more besides. He knew his nature and his destiny. Those people were trying to utilize and exploit both. Kaworu wasn't yet sure if he would let them.
"How remarkable and convenient that my brother of the night would appear now, after the Nevada incident," Kaworu remarked with a faint smile and looked back into the helicopter. "Did your vaunted scrolls tell you about that?"
"Everything has its time and its place," Dr Heck remarked. He was looking down at a small computer on his lap, his long hair covering his face on all sides. "As do you, at the end."
"Alpha and Omega," Kaworu muttered.
"Exactly," Dr Heck agreed. "But your time hasn't come yet. You still have to earn your place among those Lilim. So, if you would, please do your job."
"I am loath to do violence to my brother," Kaworu admitted.
"Your brother and rival," Heck reminded him. "How else do you want to fulfill your fate?"
Do I? But Kaworu turned around again and looked at the sea of black below him. He concentrated on it. Blackness, Sea of Dirac, Fruit of life, all at the same time – and also Adamite tissue. He could work with that. His brother would spill forth his secrets and his bounty, whether he wished to or not.
The Nevada incident… Kaworu concentrated on that. A whole base lost to the Sea of Dirac. But he had no interest in the entire base. He focused on what had been at the centre of the Sea washing over it. The cause of that storm. A marvel of the Fruit of Knowledge, and yet something the Lilim should consider an abomination – a golem wrought out of the flesh not only of their enemies, but of their very antithesis. They did this to survive, but Kaworu couldn't understand this. Valuing life that much?
And finally, it appeared. A giant white head with a short snout. Then shoulder pylons – and unlike all other units, they were not orthogonal to the main body, but parallel. And then the entire rest of the white and chrome unit spilled forth: The Evangelion Unit 04.
"It is done," Kaworu announced. He grinned. "I wonder what the Lilim are thinking now. I wonder if Dr Akagi can figure it out. Or Soryu, maybe. One day, the pilots deserve to know."
"Survival is not their lot," Dr Heck disagreed. He stood up from his seat and begun to speak irritatingly softly. "And no. You aren't done yet."
Kaworu looked at him with narrowed eyes. "EVA-04 is salvaged. Our job is done."
"Leliel yet exists," Dr Heck pointed out. Kaworu didn't answer. He realized what the man was asking of him. He knew why he did so, and thus didn't hold it against him, but… there weren't many descendants of Adam around. For all they differed, he felt kinship with Leliel. Heck continued, "You know what your role will be here, Tabris. You cannot avoid harming those whom you deem your brothers."
"They will attack," Kaworu argued, "But look at him!" He gestured outside. "He is retreating."
"That is so," Dr Heck allowed, advancing towards him. "But as long as it exists, our Scenario can't be advanced. And as long as our Scenario stagnates, you can't unite with Adam. In that case, the crippling loneliness about which you have complained time and time again will never go away."
Kaworu balled a hand into a fist. That was what SEELE had promised him from the very moment he had first awoken: Salvation from his eternal loneliness. There was a hole in his heart that could never be filled by normal 'human' contact. Every angel was one its own the equivalent of humanity, every one of them the only representative of their kind. Even the solidarity he felt with Leliel was superficial compared to that loneliness. There was only one thing which could end it: Union with the Mother.
"The one angel who doesn't attack, and you want me to slay him," Kaworu muttered.
"It is the only way for the Scenario to progress," Dr Heck insisted, now standing behind him. "As long as angels are around, the Union will fail. You know that."
"So we must kill each other," Kaworu muttered. "Mother, why have you created us this way?"
"Neither of our existences are perfect," Dr Heck answered. "Man is always lonely because our hearts are separated. Your kind is always lonely because you are incomplete. For us, only death can overcome this separation. For you, it has to be the death of all other offspring of Adam."
"And is it right that we sacrifice others for our own happiness?" Kaworu asked quietly.
Heck laid a hand on his shoulder. "That is how Lilim and Adamim alike survive. If they can't win happiness at all, how is that different from death? So the principle of life itself dictates that sometimes we have to sacrifice others."
"But usually not unto their death," Kaworu pointed out.
"No," Heck admitted. "But usually, we aren't confronted with the fate of all of Adamite and Lilithian life."
This is indeed a pivotal moment, Kaworu realized. And not 'only' for Adamite and Lilithian life, but for him as well. To slay a brother, not in combat and defence, but in an assault on a peaceful retreat… But where would the Angel of the Night even go? As long as it was around on the Earth, Kaworu indeed wouldn't be able to achieve union with Adam.
He closed his eyes and turned around. Opening his eyes again, he once more focused on the other angel. Leliel was such a delicate organism. His Fruit of Life, his entire body built around a fragile physical mechanism. His tissue would only need to be manipulated the tiniest bit…
Apparently Heck had similar thoughts. "It is a pity this won't work on other angels. It would be good to have you here as an ultimate safeguard. But I suppose you'll still be able to do enough."
Kaworu breathed out and did it. Soon, the delicate processes inside Leliel were disturbed – stopped, bent out of place, crippled. The sea of blackness seemed to be boiling now. Where once there had been an almost perfectly two-dimensional area, now it seemed to dissolve. One could see hunks of black now, separated by red blood. The Lilim would probably call it LCL.
And finally, that was all that Leliel was: A dissolving mess of blood and lumps of darkness. The ground was filthy with both.
Kaworu lowered his head. Forgive me, brother. Their scenario is not to be denied.
"Very good," Dr Heck lauded him. "Congratulations on your first angel kill… Fifth Child."
Kaworu looked at him angrily, but didn't say anything. He stepped aside… and an orange octagon materialized behind Heck. It pushed forwards.
The lilim of SEELE wish for death. They call it their particular form of hope. So surely for them it doesn't matter when it reaches them.