Dear Reader, I don't know what's going on with the reviews. I'm getting emails that they've been posted, but they're not showing up on the site. I've emailed the admin folks and asked about it. Hopefully, they get it fixed soon! Anyhow, a note about an inconsistency. I originally have Jesse and Co. being assigned to the 501st before Rex arrives, but when I went back and read their backstory (which is coming up in the next few chapters), I noticed that I can not leave it that way. They have to come to the 501st after Rex gets there. Soooo, when you see mention of that briefly in this chapter, just know that I will make the corrections in the previous chapters. Please bear with me! Peace, CS

Chapter 28 Falling Leaves

Es war einmal ein Zinnsoldat (There was once a tin soldier)
der wollte stark und mutig sein (who wanted to be strong and brave)
Wenn man ihn ansah stand er grad (When one looked at him, he stood straight and tall)
vor jedem Großen war er klein (But before the giants, he was small)

Er liebte eine Tänzerin (He loved a dancer)
eine Figur aus Porzellan (A figure made of porcelain)
Er wollte immer zu ihr hin (He wanted always to go to her)
jedoch war er kein freier Mann (But he was not a free man)

Er war nur ein Spielzeug (he was only a toy)
er war nur ein Zinnsoldat (He was only a tin soldier)

Zinnsoldat by
Michael Cretu

When Rex got back to the Seiba Tops, he found most of his men in the midst of a make-shift sparring session of hand-to-hand combat. He was glad to see they were trying to maintain some form of fitness and training regimen, though he imagined they would be more than happy to have their workout interrupted by the idea of food and fellowship.

Rex also noticed Fels Au-Ogusta standing off to one side with Sixer, who was apparently overseeing the session. He moved to join them.

"Sixer, did you put this together?"

Sixer gave a firm nod. "I did, Captain. I thought we were all getting a little soft."

Rex chuckled. "Are you sure you're not just power hungry?"

"Well, with you and Jesse both off doing other things, someone has to bring the hammer do-oown!" As he finished the sentence, Double Barrel broke from his spar with Bounce and in a split-second, took Sixer down in a perfectly executed over-the-shoulder throw.

Sixer gave an exaggerated groan. "Was that really necessary?"

DB reached out a hand. "No, but it sure was fun."

"Why don't you just stick to being a sniper," Sixer suggested, accepting his hand and getting to his feet.

"A man's got to have more than one outlet for his energy," Double Barrel replied, then looking at Rex, "Isn't that right, Captain?"

Rex gave a satisfied nod.

"We were looking for you this morning, Sir," Sixer announced, brushing the sand from his clothes. "Fels Au-Ogusta came and invited us to some big lunch get-together. We wanted to make sure it was okay to go."

"Yes, it's fine," Rex replied. "In fact, I was coming to tell you the same thing. Doma Maree extended an invitation of all of us. So, go get cleaned up and be back out here in five."

The troopers were more than happy to comply. They scurried off to their individual quarters, leaving Rex alone with Au-Ogusta.

"You were with the Doma this morning?" the brother asked.

"Yes." Rex did nothing to betray the joy that statement roused in him. "She invited me for breakfast at her residence."

Au-Ogusta looked pleased. "The Doma's residence is beautiful. I know she takes great pride in the gardens."

"Yes, she does. I think she showed me every plant in the place," Rex jested. "We went to see Kix after that. He's doing much better. I don't know how to say how grateful I am for that." He paused thoughtfully. "Kix is probably the one soldier the 501st can least afford to lose."

"Really?" The brother looked mildly surprised. "I would not have guessed that. Is he that good a soldier?"

Rex nodded. "He's that good a soldier. But there's more to it than that, and . . . well, it would take me too long to explain right now."

"Perhaps some other time."

"Yes."

Au-Ogusta returned to the original subject. "So Doma Maree invited you, then, to come to the Pilgrim's midday meal? I think you will enjoy it very much."

"I hope so," Rex answered. "The last time she invited me to something, it was, uh . . . well, let's just say it was interesting."

Ogusta was intrigued. "What was it?"

Rex felt the grin spreading across his face. "It was the birth of a Losla."

"A birth?" Ogusta sounded as enchanted by the idea as Maree had been. "How thrilling that must have been for you. There is little I more enjoy than seeing new life come into the world. How fortunate for you to have been there."

Rex cleared his throat. "Fortunate that I didn't toss my breakfast is more like it."

"Toss your breakfast?"

"I, uh . . . my stomach wasn't too agreeable with the whole thing," Rex said, and surprisingly, he didn't feel the least bit sheepish or ashamed admitting it to Ogusta.

Now, his men would have been a different story altogether . . .

"Ah, I understand." The brother gulped down a snicker, not wanting to be rude at the captain's expense. "I suppose not everyone would want to see such a thing."

"But she made up for it," Rex went on. "We went into the Taber and she showed me the animals coming alive again. I admit, I don't understand that at all, but it's fascinating to see."

"To the brothers and sisters, as well," Ogusta agreed. "We have been seeing it for many years, and it never fails to move us."

"That I believe," Rex stated, then with probing caution, he mentioned as nonchalantly as possible, "She also did this thing where she put her hand on the floor and then touched it to my side where I'd been injured. It felt like everything—every pain just went away. And it hasn't come back."

He waited to see how Ogusta would respond.

And although the expression on the brother's face was much better moderated than Au-Gehen's had been, Rex could clearly see that this announcement had caused some disturbance in the brother's peace-of-mind.

"I got that same reaction when I told Brother Au-Gehen," Rex frowned, perplexed. "Did I do something wrong?"

"You told Fels Au-Gehen?"

"Yes. I ran into him as I was coming out of the Taber," Rex replied.

The brother looked troubled, dismayed. "No, Captain, you did nothing wrong," Ogusta said. "It is what the Doma did that is . . . troubling." A pause. "I would never question the Doma's wisdom, but . . . taking spirit energy from the souls is . . . forbidden."

Rex felt the blood drain from his face. "Forbidden?"

"Yes."

"But why?" Rex asked. "And why would Doma Maree do something that's forbidden?"

"Those are questions I am not qualified to answer," Au-Ogusta replied. "You will have to ask the Doma." He hesitated a moment before adding, "I would not speak of the matter to Au-Gehen again. He does not approve of your presence here."

"I kind of got that idea."

"Do not be concerned over it, Captain Rex," Ogusta offered. "The Doma and Fels Au-Mikiel are happy to have you here. You and your men have been our honored guests. Au-Gehen's apprehensions will not change that."

"But if he tells others that the Doma did something forbidden, that could cause problems."

Au-Ogusta looked askance at him. "The Doma has been dealing with Au-Gehen's . . . scrupulosity for many years. She will be able to handle him."

"But if she's done something she shouldn't have, then that could make him—and others—question her authority," Rex persisted.

"That will not happen," Ogusta assured him. "One transgression will not blot out years of faithful service – not in the eyes of the people, not in the eyes of the Creator."

The rest of the clones were beginning to return, and Rex dropped the subject.

But although he was no longer speaking of it, there was no banishing it from his thoughts.

He had, quite inadvertently, taken up the role of spoiler. He and his brothers had ended up in this place, certainly not of their own will; and in less than two weeks, he—singlehandedly—had caused the spiritual leader to fall into . . . well, he didn't believe in sin . . .

Even though he did believe in evil, he had trouble reconciling himself to the idea of sin. He had admitted his belief in evil when he'd told Cut Lawquane that its vanquishing was precisely the reason he was fighting.

Still, could there be evil without sin?

It was all becoming too confusing, too mind-boggling; and Rex did not consider himself to be a complicated man. He'd prided himself on his simplicity – although if he ever took a truly objective look at himself and his motivations, he would have discovered his pride was misplaced, for he was anything but simple.

Whatever the case – evil, sin, fate, or just circumstances and individual choices – he could not deny that Doma Maree had apparently chosen to do something against the rules, and she had done it for him.

She had told him more than once of the goodness she saw in him. Now, he feared he was spoiling the goodness he saw in her. While his brothers seemed to be maintaining just the right amount of distance, he had allowed the impulsive part of his nature to venture to the forefront in an area where it clearly had no business governing. His passions were out of place in the context of a woman who was a member of a religious order.

Whatever he was feeling, it was improper under the circumstances. He had no idea how to regulate his desires to achieve that state of love of which the Doma had spoken, a state where the physical aspect was seceded for a more pure kind of union.

Damn, he wasn't even sure if what he was feeling was love. He had no experience with it, other than the brotherly love he had for his fellow clones – varying in degree with familiarity. His thoughts for the Doma were decidedly of a different nature.

A nature whose acquaintance he'd never even contemplated until only a few days ago.

He might have been willing to live with the uncertainty and the confusion, had he not discovered that she had been disobedient on his account.

That was unacceptable.

Rex could never develop the calluses of indifference that allowed him to be the catalyst that led to a good person's downfall.

But was it possible for him to go back? Would he be able to retract what he'd already done, unfeel what was churning inside him?

He would have to find a way. There was no other option.

As far as gatherings went, it was great fun.

Or it would have been, had Rex not been so preoccupied.

He sat with his men at a long wooden table with bench seats. Even Puzzle, Keeper, and Gernot were well enough that they could venture out – the former two with assistance from their brothers. Around them, thousands of pilgrims were partaking of the meal, served exclusively by the Verviens and Austeniens.

Even the Doma had donned an apron and was busily shuffling hither and thither, bring food, clearing rubbish, pouring drink. She was not serving the clones' table, for which Rex was both glad and disappointed. That he wanted to be close to her and hear her voice and have the chance to maybe brush against her in passing was one part of the equation. The other part was his fear that whatever resolution he was building towards—still not fully defined in his own mind—would be completely blasted asunder if he allowed himself to indulge such thoughts.

From time to time, Maree would cast a smile or a wink as she went by. At one point, she stopped briefly and addressed the entire table. "I invited you all to attend, and I haven't been able to spend even a few minutes with you. I'm very sorry."

The rest of his men were immediately forgiving and vocally so. Rex only smiled and nodded his understanding.

As the event went on, there were games for the children in several locations, given the sheer number of people. Rex watched with satisfaction as Echo cheered for or partnered with Yusani at every event.

"He made the smart choice," the captain said inwardly. "He gets to be a hero for a few days and make that little girl happy." A deep frown creased his forehead. "I'm not going to make anyone happy, least of all, myself."

It was almost sunset by the time the festivities ended.

From his place at the table, Rex watched the enduring scene of his men walking off on their way to the Seiba Tops, little children bouncing along behind them as if it were the most natural thing in the universe to be following in the footsteps of such grand soldiers. Echo, with Yusani riding on his shoulders and Sister Anaide strolling at his side, ostensibly to shunt the children towards the Wayward Houses. Pitch and Hardcase, arms slung over each other's shoulders, stone-cold sober and missing only the stagger of a pair of drunken sailors to complete the image. Jesse, Sixer and Sempe, listening to Zinger tell a zinger, for they burst into laughter that rang out above the sounds of the diminishing revelry.

The rest of them followed. The remaining 212th contingent: Bounce, Tip, Little Ride, and Puzzle, the former two moving slowly to accommodate the latter two, who, though mostly healed, were still recovering their strength. And from the 501st: Fives, finally seeming to want to fit in, shaking off—at least for the moment— his penchant of clinging to Echo's side. He and Double Barrel were engaged in some intense conversation that involved a lot of hand motion and looked for all intents and purposes, like they were talking about flying—that could not be a good thing, Rex mused. Behind them, Ajax and Gernot silently mocked and copied their movements. And bringing up the rear, Slip and March walked with Keeper, one on each side to ensure no trouble for their recovering brother. They were the quiet ones – well, sometimes . . . er, more often than the others – and they rounded out the team.

Rex congratulated himself. He had chosen well – even if not everyone on the ship had been part of the original plan. And he conceded that Cody had chosen well, also.

And not just now but from the outset of their respective commands. Rex made no secret of the fact that he went fishing for the best. If he heard of an outstanding trooper in another unit or coming up from basic, he had no qualms about attempting to direct that individual into the 501st. It was how he'd ended up with Echo and Fives. And before them, he'd made the master find and snatched the entirety of Saber Squad straight from Kamino. That maneuver had earned him a few enemies – or at least one, in particular – but as commanding officer of the 501st, he'd done what he'd had to do. Any good commander worth his salt did the same thing. Cody did it all the time, and being of higher rank than Rex and working for the gem of the Jedi, General Kenobi, it was quite a feat to outfox the commander when it came to recruiting.

Cody had had his eye on Saber Squad. He had never mentioned it, but Rex had known. And it was perhaps a rotten thing to do to swipe them away from the commander's grasp; but the situation had been urgent – not for the 501st, but for the members of Saber Squad. If someone hadn't done something right at that moment, the GAR would have lost one of its finest troops . . .

It pained Rex no small bit that Kix was not among the men he was watching walk away ahead of him. Kix was certainly progressing well, but he was nowhere near ready to undertake an event such as this.

Rex considered that, of all of them, Kix might have been the only one, besides Cody, to whom he would have felt comfortable discussing his current predicament. No, no. He would have felt uncomfortable with everybody, even Kix, even Cody. This was a personal, private matter; and his men did not need to know how it was affecting him. Even his closest friend might find it either too humorous, too ludicrous, or too pathetic to warrant serious thought. That was one of the things Rex most admired about Cody: the commander had a well-honed, no-nonsense focus on the mission that enabled him to easily cast aside distractions without prejudice.

He got slowly to his feet.

This one I have to handle on my own.

"Excuse me, Captain Rex?"

Rex looked to his right to see one of the sisters standing beside him. He'd been so absorbed in his own thoughts that he had not noticed her coming to join him. He recognized her vaguely as one of the school teachers.

"I am Sister Nareen," she introduced herself. "I am a teacher. Many of my students go to see you and your soldiers after class." She laughed. "And sometimes during class."

"Yes, I thought you looked familiar," Rex replied.

"I am sure that, by now, you and your men have had quite your fill of the boys' antics; but I have a very important request, and I hope you will oblige."

Rex smiled politely. "If I can."

"I asked Sister So'Nodor—she is the Matrice of the school—I asked her several days ago if it would be alright for the soldiers to come to the school and talk to the children, tell them what it's like to be a soldier in the Grand Army of the Republic," Nareen explained. "And today, she gave me permission to ask you."

"Sister So'Nodor . . . she's close to Fels Au-Gehen, isn't she?" Rex asked.

"They work very closely together to ensure the best for the children," Nareen replied.

Rex thought for a moment. Could this invitation from So'Nodor be a sort of attempt to reach out and embrace the clones? A peace offering? After what had happened earlier with Au-Gehen, Rex saw no harm in treating it as such. To refuse might be taken as confirmation of what So'Nodor and Au-Gehen already believed: that the clones were nothing more than heathen soldiers, not worthy recipients of keeping company with the pious worshippers within the Monastica's walls.

This could very well be the opportunity for the clones to pacify the distrust of the few.

"I think it would be a wonderful idea," he replied. "Just let me know when and where."

"Would you be able to make it tomorrow just after the midday meal? The pilgrims will have be leaving tonight, and our schedule returns to normal tomorrow. I can have the children all come together in the assembly hall. Will that be acceptable, Captain?"

"Perfectly," he replied. "We'll be there."

The sister gave a slight bow and went on her way.

Now came the hard part.

In the ten minutes that passed between Nareen's departure and Maree's joining him, he tried to think of how he was going to say what was on his mind. Did he even know precisely what it was he was looking for? What outcome? Should he bother to say anything at all? In a few days, he and his men would probably be gone, and he'd never see her again. He'd never have to worry about any of this. She would be out of his life; he would be out of hers. They could carry on as if they'd never met.

"She's right. I'm a crappy liar. I can't even lie to myself."

But there was no more pondering it, for she was approaching him now. The time for deliberation was over.

"I'm sorry to make you wait so long, Rex," she apologized. "But I'm glad you waited."

"So am I," he replied. "Are you heading back to your residence?"

"No," she answered. "To the Taber for prayer."

Rex could not help but smile. "Of course."

"Will you join me?"

"You know I don't pray," he said.

"Then you can sit and enjoy the peace and quiet after all this noise and ruckus," she suggested.

"That sounds nice."

They began walking towards the Taber, and it took Rex a full half-kilometer of meaningless chit-chat before he found the courage to broach the only subject on his mind.

"Maree?"

"You're finally using my name." She sounded very pleased. "I take it that means you feel comfortable doing so now."

Seeing her joyful smile, it was not easy for Rex to stick with his task. This was something he did not want to bring up, but it was the only thing that mattered at the moment.

Sensing that something was bothering him, Maree asked, "Rex, is something wrong?"

He hesitated. He had been practicing what words he would use, how delicate he could be. But now that the moment was upon him, he fell back on his plain, direct manner. "When you put your hand on me in the Taber . . . was that something you weren't supposed to do?"

Whatever the Doma might have thought of this question, she reacted with equanimity. "Someone told you that?"

Rex nodded. "Is it true?"

Maree took a moment before answering. "In a manner of speaking."

"What does that mean?"

The Doma stopped walking and turned to face him. "As a keeper of souls, I have been given the responsibility for protecting the souls entrusted to me. And there are wonderful powers that come with that. The ability to commune with the souls is one of the greatest privileges imaginable. But it is forbidden to take the energy they so freely offer. That energy belongs to them and to the Creator. It is not for me to use – not for the purpose of healing, not to restore life, not to increase individual power." A sort of uncharacteristic shyness came into her manner. "When I did that for you, it wasn't for any of those reasons. But it was still wrong."

"Why did you do it?"

She gave a minute grin that seemed to hide a certain embarrassment. "Pride, I suppose. I wanted to give you something that only I could give you. I wanted to share a moment with you that was just between us." She drew in a deep breath. "I had thought the Losla birthing would be a special thing, but we both know how that turned out."

As Maree spoke, Rex's feelings of remorse grew more intense.

"I see now it was a ridiculous idea from the beginning. Taking you to see the birth of an animal clearly wasn't the sort of . . . activity that engenders spiritual intimacy," Maree said with a sad smile. "We come from two very different worlds, Rex. The things that are meaningful to me . . . I had no reason to believe that they would be meaningful to you." She paused, and Rex thought she appeared to need the moment to maintain her composure. "Now that you have seen that I have my own failings, my own weaknesses, perhaps you feel I am not as . . . worthy of respect as you once did. Is that why you now feel comfortable calling me by my name?"

"No, no, Maree," Rex replied. "It's not like that at all. And I—I don't need to share a special moment with you. If you wanted to give me something, you already have. Just the time we've spent together these past few days . . . that was enough." He took her hands in his and swallowed hard before speaking his next words. "You're right. We do come from different worlds, but that doesn't bother me. What scares me is . . . you did something you shouldn't have done; and you did it for me. I don't want to be the reason you do something that goes against your religion. I don't want to be the man who comes between you and your god. I couldn't live with myself if I did that."

Maree was silent.

Rex went on. "You have your vows. I have my oath to the Republic. And we both value those pledges." His voice was not as steady as he wished. "A rescue team will probably be here in a few days, and I—I don't want to leave thinking that I may have done something . . . to ruin your relationship with your god and the people you serve."

Maree stared intently at him before drawing near and initiating an embrace, which Rex returned tentatively, doing everything in his power not to succumb to how it felt to have her so close and in his arms.

"The Creator truly is amazing," she murmured into his shoulder, then pulling back and looking up at him, her eyes glistening just short of tears, she explained. "I asked him to show me the proper way to love you. I have never felt this way about another person. I needed his guidance." She smiled. "I didn't think he would use you to answer that question. But he did." A pause. "You had the courage where I did not. Your conviction is greater than my own, I am ashamed to admit."

"Don't put the laurels on my head just yet," he admonished. "I'm saying the words, because I know they're right. But what I feel in my heart . . . that's altogether something else." His arms were still around her, and he tightened his embrace. "I keep telling myself that once I leave here, it will all be over and, with the demands of war, I'll forget about all this. But I don't think I can forget. I know I don't want to forget."

Maree once again rested her cheek against his shoulder, indulging for the briefest moment, a sensation she'd not felt since she was a young girl. "I don't know the Creator's purpose in putting a man like you in my path, knowing how I would feel about you. He must have had a purpose in bringing you here."

"So, you don't regret us coming here?"

"By the powers of heaven, no." She laughed. "Remember, you didn't come here. We brought you here." She eased back and looked him in the eye. "The Creator is merciful and forgiving. Whatever lesson he means to impart, he will overlook my transgressions, if I am truly sorry for the offense. I have been loving and serving him for hundreds of years. I have followed his will for me without question. He knows I am a flawed creature. But putting you in my path was not a mistake, even if my reaction to it was."

Rex stared at her, dumbfounded. "Hundreds of years?"

Maree nodded, then she answered the unasked portion of the question. "I am over twelve hundred standard years old." She saw the struggle in his face, the shock, and the utter incomprehensibility that he found in her revelation. "Did you truly have no idea? None of the brothers or sisters told you?"

"No," he replied, unable to think to say more.

"Then again, it is not their responsibility to inform anyone of their Doma's age," she went on. "I guess I am just so used to everyone on Bertegad knowing about the long life of a Doma that I took it for granted you knew, as well; or that someone would have at least told you. But I should have told you myself."

"Is that why you look that way?" Rex managed tactlessly.

"That way? You'd better be careful, Captain. You're not off this planet yet," she warned playfully. "And I may be a religious sister, but I still care about looking my best for the one who created me."

"I meant that you look . . . ageless. Young and old at the same time," Rex tried to explain, thinking that he was just making a bigger mess of things. "Do all the sisters and brothers live that long?"

"No, just the Doma," Maree replied. "Again, it is a gift from the Creator. All Keepers are blessed with long life in order to fulfill their role until the gates of eternity are opened. I am not the first Doma. I doubt I will be the last."

"So, you'll . . . never die?"

"Of course, I'll die. Someday. It's not for me to know the time. It is only for me to do the task given me."

Rex was thoughtful. "Just like me and my brothers."

"Except that I know I will never be asked to do anything unjust," Maree replied.

"I hope I can say the same thing," Rex said. "I trust General Skywalker."

"I know you do," she acknowledged.

Rex sighed. "So, how do I act around you now?"

"The same way you have been," Maree replied.

He raised a skeptical brow. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I would not want you any other way," she assured him.

Rex chuckled. "Be careful what you ask for."

When she looked at him, there was still something beyond affection in her eyes. "Always."

Good man, Rex.