The next day we headed outside the walls, under the guise that we were teaching Carol to shoot—like she needed any help. But it allowed us to get outside and plan what we would do in Alexandria without being noticed.

Normally, I would have grabbed another handgun and practised shooting with others to see how difficult it was, but after the fight with Aiden the other day, I felt like being petty. It only affected me, but I was okay with that for now.

"I put a gun out here before we went into Alexandria, in case we needed it," Rick was saying as he led us to a dilapidated shed. "I came back here to find it and it was gone. We can't be without our weapons, not if something happens, we need a way to defend ourselves."

"Do we know who took it?" Carol asked.

"No, but it could be anyone," he said, "in the group or outside."

"I'll look for tracks, but I doubt I'd be able to find much," Daryl offered.

Rick shook his head. "We can try, but that isn't why we're here. We need weapons, preferably more than one. We need a plan, try and get into the armoury so we can grab some when no one's counting what we put back."

As we approached the shed, I noticed two walkers that came out from behind the building and the rubbish that had been dumped. I pulled my axe away from the holster and walked ahead of them to take out the walker.

"I'll get them," I said and swung my axe around into the first one. I twisted the axe away in the way Michonne taught me to do. Then I took down the next walker as well. I thought I was done until I heard more snarling. "I hear another."

Daryl walked around, looking past the shed and the area around us, but he shook his head. "I don't see it, but it's close. There's just one of 'em."

"We won't be here long," Rick said. "So what do you think?"

"We can go in when it's empty," Carol offered."

"How is that?" He tilted his head. "It's locked up at night."

"The window," she answered. "There's just a latch. I can leave it open."

"A latch?"

"Yeah."

Rick was just as bewildered as me, because why would their armoury only have a latch on the window? Another mistake these people were making, another mistake that was going to get their community taken from them. Whether we were going to be the ones to take it, I wasn't sure yet.

"What if one of those pricks shuts it?"

"Wait a couple of days, leave it open again."

The walker's growling got louder.

"It's getting closer."

"We need to do it sooner than later," Rick decided. "Right now, they're not watching us. Not worrying about meetings like this. We may need the guns, we may not."

"We will whatever way it goes," Carol said.

"They're the luckiest damn people I ever met. And they just keep getting luckier."

"How's that?"

"We're here now."

Did that make them lucky? There was already a plan in place to take over this place, never mind that we had so many things go wrong for us. If something happened while we were here I'd think it was because of us. Then again, if someone attacked this place without us more people would die. It was hard.

"They've got a couple of footlockers just full of 9-millimetre autos, Rugers, Kel-Tecs," Carol listed off. "Just tossed in there. They don't use them. They're never gonna know they're gone."

"Someone's got one now, right?" Daryl asked, pointing to where Rick said he left the gun.

Rick hummed in agreement. "Mmm."

I had been feeling weird without having my gun. I hadn't been without one in over a year, I always had a weapon in reach, some way to defend myself. Maybe I didn't need to defend myself anymore, but we had been attacked by so many people in so little time that it felt wrong that I had to hand it back in.

"Listen," Rick said. "The others, we want them to try."

Did he want me to try? Maybe he knew I wasn't going to, that I was just going to see how things turned out after a while. Then again, maybe he didn't expect me to try because Carol had dragged me into this before we came into the community.

"You, too," she said.

"So we keep it quiet. Just us," Rick said.

The walker snarled and walked out of the trees, snarling at us. "Here it comes."

"I got him," Carol said. She stepped forward and raised her gun before sending off many suppressed rounds into the walker, stuttering it so it couldn't walk any closer towards us. After practically emptying her magazine, she finally shot it in the head. When she looked over her shoulder to our confused faces, she explained. "We said we were taking me out shooting. I couldn't go back with a full mag."

"Lucky he came by," Daryl agreed.

"We should get back," Rick said and turned to Carol. "You'll pull the latch, we'll pick our moment. Us, we don't need to be lucky."

Daryl stepped over the walker, before frowning down at the body. He knelt closer, looking at the head. "What the hell's that? Is that a W?"

It was just like the ones I had seen before, the walkers with their bodies torn in half. There were more here. That was miles away. If they were having this done to them back near Richmond then were they just walking here or were the people who did this to the walkers travelling?

"I've seen this before," I said. "It was on the walker's heads in the back of that truck when we were trying to save Tyreese. It's fucking weird."

"It is," Rick agreed. "Who the hell would do something like this?"

"I'm not sure, but we should probably warn the watch about it," I said. "There's someone out there carving into a walker's head, I doubt they're very sane."

I still had no work to do, there were no parts for the cars and there was nobody I wanted to ask to go on a run to a nearby garage, if there were any. Aaron would probably be the best option, unfortunately. The issue was that he was out today. I didn't even know why I was considering a run like this, if there were no supplies here then I had no work.

That day I spent in the house, lounging on the sofa the first time I had it. Rick and Michonne were out talking to Deanna about the community and their plans, Daryl went hunting after the meeting and Carl took Judith for a walk.

I rolled over and faced the back of the sofa, breathing out a sigh. It took maybe five seconds before I was bored, but this was the first time in years that I had the chance to relax. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. It was probably the first time in years I was happy to have been alone.

The front door opened, and I looked back over the arm of the chair to see Carol coming into the house. She saw me on the sofa and said. "I've washed and dried your dress. You need to wear it."

I frowned. "Why?"

It made no sense for me to wear the dress anymore now we had shots and vest shirts to stop me from overheating, let alone the fact that I could be inside like I was right now to stay out of the sun. Not that it helped much, I was still boiling.

"Deanna is throwing a welcome party tonight, for us," she said. "Rick wants to make our move while everyone is distracted there."

The idea of that made my stomach churn, and I frowned. But I didn't understand why, I was normally so good in situations where I had to get to know everyone. "I don't . . . I don't want to do that. "If everyone just goes, I can sneak the guns and bring them back here."

"You won't know when Olivia leaves the armoury," she said. "You have to go, they think of you like Rick's daughter. They'll start asking questions if they don't see you there."

"Tell them I'm sick and give me a signal when you want someone to steal the guns," I said, rolling onto my back before sitting up as she walked past the sofa. "I'm the smallest of us and the quietest." (Besides, I don't want to go.)

"It's just for a few hours, then we'll see who comes and one of us will get the guns," she said. "Put on your dress, look the part."

She tapped my leg as she walked past the sofa, leaving me now in a state of anxiety and dread.

I did as Carol told me to, unfortunately. My dress was on and we were all walking over to Deanna's house together for the welcome party. Luckily I was there for another reason, so I had the distraction of trying to get Carol into the armoury so we could get our weapons.

Michonne knocked on the door before we entered, and inside the house, I could see Deanna rush as Carol and Michonne walked in front of me. "Welcome. Hi. Oh, it's so good to see you," she greeted. "Hi, Carl. Ace, thank you for coming," Rick entered behind me with Judith in his arms. "You know, I didn't get a chance to interview this one. I envy her."

"Why?" Rick asked.

"She'll get to see what this place will become," Deanna said. "Come. Come on in."

I was going to follow them until I heard the door open behind me, and I looked back to see Abraham and Rosita all dressed up in nice clothes. Abraham was actually in a long-sleeved top with buttons at the top.

"I don't know about this," Abraham said.

Rosita shrugged beside him. "They have beer."

"I'm gonna try." I looked over my shoulder and grinned at his flippant attitude towards the party because of some beer.

I looked around to find Rick again, seeing as he wanted me around him

Rick was standing with Deanna and a man with white hair and glasses. I walked over just in time to hear the beginning of their conversation.

"Rick, this is my husband Reg," Deanna introduced.

"You're a pretty remarkable guy."

"How's that?" Rick asked.

"I watched the tapes, all of them," he said. "The things those people said about you. The things you did for them."

"Didn't you build that wall out there?" Rick asked.

Reg chuckled. "Yeah, I did, with help. A lot of it. And it's a damned incredible achievement." That was one of the only things I could agree with in this town and it kept a lot of people alive. (The only complaint I had was the supports being on the outside, but I wasn't about to question a professor of architecture about that in his own party.) "But it's a wall. 17 lives in this world? I think you have me beat."

"Well, we're standing behind that wall right now, dear. So let's call it a tie," Deanna joked, and I had to force a smile.

Reg noticed me behind Rick at that point and held a hand out to me. "And you must be Ace."

I glanced at Rick, who only nodded his head, so I took Reg's hand and shook it. What the hell was wrong with me? I used to be good at this, talking to people, and getting to know them. Now I wanted to be anywhere else.

"I've been working with Isaac, and he's told me a lot about you, your old community," he said. "A lot of people did. You rebuilt the gate system? And fences after your problems with people?"

"That she did," Rick said. "Watched her damn near fall off the top of it to get it working."

Reg laughed, and I clenched my teeth. Thanks, Rick. "Don't worry about it, the amount of injuries I've had doing this line of work, isn't it honey?"

"It was quite worrying," Deanna grinned.

"Anyway, it's impressive work. A mechanic and a self-taught builder, you have a bright future ahead of you," Reg commented.

Really? Didn't feel like it. Rick nudged my arm, prompting an answer. "Yeah, uh, thanks."

"I could use a builder like you on my team. I know you have a lot on your plate, but maybe you could join Abraham on his first day when they go down there, see if you enjoy it. You can just go down to oversee," he tried. "You can do whatever you want, you don't have to go to the site every day, but it would be good to have another mind down there making sure everything is done correctly."

I clenched my teeth, glancing away as I thought about what he was saying. Taking a break from the runs was probably for the best, because of the injuries and the fact that I didn't trust Aiden or the way he conducted runs.

"You already have builders," I said quietly.

Reg was taken aback but moved on quickly. "Well, think about it at least."

I knew I would probably end up on the construction site, even if it was just to avoid Aiden on the big run. I had no trust in him or Nicholas, and I thought about just seeing what would happen if I gave it a miss. If they were still acting like reckless dicks, then I may not go on the runs with them anymore.

Reg turned back to Rick with a glass of whiskey or something in each of his hands. "Well, I'm glad you're here. Now, take a glass."

"I'm good," Rick shook his head.

"You don't have to be," Reg said.

Rick laughed and shook his head, waving his hand before grabbing the glass. Reg laughed along with him, and the two spoke and drank for a little while. I just hung around Rick, not venturing far away from him at all, and keeping an eye out for Olivia.

Carol joined us after saying her hellos so we could plan the right time for her to leave and go to get the guns for us. It was honestly stressful, and for a while, I felt like Glenn, with the secret bubbling up inside my mind that felt like it would just pop up at any moment.

Night fell, and the three of us were standing at the back of one of the rooms together. Eventually, Rick nodded to Olivia who was standing across the room having entered the party. I straightened up, before turning my eyes away. It'd probably look weird if the three of us were just staring at her, so at least I made it less obvious.

"Look, she's here," Carol said. "Which means it's empty, so . . ."

Rick was quiet for a second, before turning to face her. "I'll go with you."

"No, remember . . ."

"You're invisible," Rick finished.

Carol hummed as she slipped out of the doorway, I watched her go and made a beeline to a nearby window to keep an eye on her path, checking to make sure she wasn't going to be followed. Rick wanted this to work tonight, so we had to make this work.

Jesse came over to him, waving for him to step towards her which made him stand at my side and make my spying look very conspicuous, so I pulled my eyes from the window and smiled at her, which she returned.

"Hey, Rick, this is my husband Pete."

Pete was tall with light red hair swept to the side. He was wearing a beige jumper over his shirt, and he had a glass in his hands that he was drinking from.

Pete and Rick reached forward and shook each other's hands. "Hey, good to meet you. I wanted to thank you for taking on being our constable. If we keep growing at this rate, we're gonna need even more."

"I hope so."

"You want to come by my office next week? 'll take a look at you. And I probably should have said I was a doctor first."

"I think it sounded nice either way," Jesse said with a smile.

Pete gave a single nod and noticed me standing by the window behind Rick, glancing outside. "Ace is it?"

I nodded. "Yeah, nice to meet you."

"Deanna mentioned that you wanted to be a doctor, before all this? I would be happy teaching you, we could always do with more people who can practise, especially in times like this."

What do you know about times like this? I shook my head. "I don't want to anymore."

Pete was quiet for a moment, considering. "Let me know if you change your mind, it gets slow around here at times. My door is always open."

"Yeah, thanks," I nodded.

Instead of saying anything else, he reached for Rick's glass. "I'm going to get us a refill."

"Oh, I can do it," Jesse offered.

"I'm on it," he kind of snapped.

When he was out of earshot, I felt guilty. "Did I do that? I'm sorry."

"God, no," Jesse shook her head, "don't worry about it." She then turned to Rick, "Having fun?"

Rick took a second, also put off by Pete's change in attitude, or maybe that was his attitude to begin with. He could have just been sarcastic talking to me and Rick. "Yes, I am."

"That's kind of a stupid question, right?" Jesse asked.

Rick chuckled, and I raised a brow. He was acting differently too.

Instead of eavesdropping or standing around like a lost puppy, I moved away to stand by the other window that could have more of a view of the path Carol was taking, looking out to see if I could spot Carol or anyone following her. It was dark outside now, telling me that we had been here a while.

"No," Rick answered.

Jesse continued. "Still, this place has a pretty amazing view."

"Yeah?"

Their conversation faded to the back of my mind as I looked at the room around us. Martinez was drinking in the other corner, jokingly arguing with Rosita while Abraham laughed along. Maybe she was calling him a coconut again. I didn't realise he'd come, hadn't seen him that night.

Glenn and Maggie were there too, and I realised that I didn't know when they arrived. It must've been with Isaac, because he was sitting on one of the sofas with them, talking and laughing at something somebody said over there.

They were all trying to make this place work, they got to try and enjoy what was going on tonight. My mind was too occupied by the mission, getting some guns so we could protect ourselves and our people. It was eating me up, more than it should have, I feared.

I came back to the conversation when a kid came hurtling past me. "Mom, there's no more cookies."

Mom? The boy must have been Ron's little brother Sam. Carl mentioned him once when he was talking about his visit to their house, but I hadn't heard much else about him. Reminding myself of Carl, I scanned the crowd for him to see that he was laughing with Ron and another boy his age. How come there were no new people my age?

Jesse let out an oh as she tried to think of a solution, but Rick leaned down to Sam's level and smiled. "Well, I happen to know the cookie maker. She's a good friend of mine. And I might be able to see about her making a whole batch just for you."

"Mom, he doesn't have a stamp," Sam said, completely ignoring the offer.

"Oh," she smiled and smiled at Rick.

"Do you want a stamp?" the boy asked.

Rick nodded. "Sure."

Sam got some ink on the stamp, before reaching for Rick's hand and pressing it down against his skin. When he took the stamp away, it left a red imprint of the letter A. Four from A, four from D? I felt sick, I was sweating and my heart was racing. I squeezed my eyes closed and shook my head as I heard Gareth's voice so clearly in my head, before breathing out a long breath.

"Ace?" Jesse asked.

"What, sorry?" I shook my head.

Sam lifted the stamper. "Do you want one?"

No. "Uh, yeah. I guess."

I held out my right hand so he could stamp my skin, which left the same imprint that just triggered one of my worst memories.

"See? Now you're both officially one of us," Jesse smiled.

"Yeah," Rick agreed.

Across the room, I heard Ron call out for his brother. "Hey, Sam."

He began sprinting off where Ron was standing with Carl and his friend before Jesse called after him. "Sam, wait, don't run!" She turned back to us as she walked away. "I'll see you both later."

Rick and I stood in silence, and my eyes returned to the window, watching for anyone outside. Again, there was nobody that I could see, so I looked back to the party and sighed, my heart rate slowing as I calmed down.

"I used to be better at talking to people," I said after a while. "I remember it."

"Are you okay?" Rick asked.

"Fine," I answered quietly with a shrug. "Just . . ." I looked down at the stamp. "Kind of reminded me of Terminus, that's all."

Rick looked down at the letter on the back of his own hand. "It's just for Alexandria," he tried to make it better for me.

"I know, I just—" I shook my head. "I went somewhere for a second."

"As long as you're sure."

I nodded, swallowing down the lump in my throat as I walked to where I saw the rest of the group sitting. Walking around them, I decided to sit on one of the tables as there were no seats left and I felt like I had to sit down.

"There she is!" Martinez almost stumbled as he walked over and almost fell as he leaned on the table I was sitting on. Again, he almost lost his balance as he lazily slung an arm around my shoulders. I could have sworn he was using me to keep himself upright. "Haven't seen you tonight."

"Been speaking to people," I answered simply. "Drunk?"

"Shitfaced," he nodded, leaning against the table. "Noticeable?"

"Nope."

Martinez noticed how I didn't smile at my joke. "You alright?"

"It's been a long night," I admitted vaguely.

"You're telling me," he nodded. "Been trying to keep up with Abraham, but fuck."

"He's bigger than you," I said.

"I could take him," he brushed me off.

"That's not what I said."

Martinez laughed, using my shoulder to straighten himself up, before tapping it down hard. It was strange seeing him drunk, a little unsettling but funny nonetheless. "Well, I need to get something to eat, soak up this alcohol before he tries going for another drink."

As he left, I got the chance to look around the room, and I began to realise why everything felt wrong. It was like what I had been telling Noah the day before, how did they have the time and resources to do this? To pretend like the biggest problem going on right now was whether I wanted to be a doctor or a builder.

I liked it better when it was just our people because even if we had fun for a moment or two, we all knew what was out there. None of us acted like everything was okay or ignored the fact that there were dead people outside who wanted to eat us. They couldn't see them, which was one of the biggest differences between here and the prison.

The party was nice, but I didn't deserve to be here. Not after what I'd done.

I gripped the edges of the table as I looked around, seeing that Glenn had stood up from the sofa.

"Hey, how are you finding it?" Glenn came to stand next to me, a smile on his face.

He seemed sober, actually willing to listen to what I wanted, mainly because he wasn't here for the mission. Though, if I had voiced my complaints to Rick, he probably would have listened and sent me home too, but I didn't want to disappoint him on this.

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, a pain growing in my chest. "I want to go."

Glenn's eyes narrowed, but he sort of smiled, trying to joke as he said. "You can't bail."

"Is everything alright?" Maggie asked just after him, probably trying to make it seem like my problems (whatever they were) weren't completely being brushed to the side. "We can go and talk about it if you'd like."

I shook my head. "I just want to go home."

"Come on, Ace," Glenn tried again, taking my hand. "They threw this party for us, it's nice."

Something in me snapped, but not from anger, not towards Glenn anyway. I dropped down from the table and yanked my arm back. "I don't deserve a party," my voice was quiet, just enough for them to hear. "I don't like any of this, I just want to go back to the house."

Before they could argue or ask what was going on, and mainly because I didn't know what brought that on, I walked away and headed to the back, which had a clear path as everyone was talking and wouldn't have noticed me.

"Ace!" Glenn tried calling after me.

I went out the back door and onto the porch before anyone could follow me and let out a long shaky breath. I should have just gone, there was no need for me to be there anymore, and there was no need for me to be there while Carol conducted the plan. Nobody noticed her leaving and Rick didn't have to distract anyone from her disappearance.

I dropped down on the ground, directly in front of the bannister so I was hidden from the windows. The last thing I needed just then was to have anyone following me.

My hand was shaking in my lap, not that I could understand why. I had to physically grab it with the other hand to make it stop, and I could feel my pulse pounding against my skin. My mouth was drying up, and every swallow made me gag for a drink. When I finally breathed in, it was like the breath was getting caught in obstacles that didn't exist.

When was the last time I felt like this? The last time I had an attack where my chest hurt this bad was at the bar when Rick killed Tony and Dave. Nothing that happened to me was addressed at the prison because I was too busy trying to help the others through their problems. Ever since then, there's been no room for error, no room for me to have an attack. I had to be ready.

I lowered my face to my knees and thought, how did I stop the last one? Hershel's voice jumped into my head. Ace, I need you to breathe. But I couldn't, then or now. Instead, he reached out. Here, squeeze my hand.

My hand came around in front of my legs to reach for the other, and I squeezed hard, breathing out deeply. There was still a tightness in my chest, but honestly, that had been there for days in one way or another. I needed something else.

"Tap your foot," I whispered to myself, before doing as I did back in the bar under Hershel's instructions. I continued whispering those words to myself, tapping my foot down against the porch over and over again. I did it to block out any other voices that might jump into my head from that night.

A foot touched my lower back and I jumped, looking back over my shoulder. Abraham was standing behind me, a beer in each hand, looking down at me. I breathed deeply, trying to hide the panic in the way my chest moved.

"Hey," I got out.

"Hey."

I dropped my arms from around my legs and lowered them until they were crossed in front of me, as I desperately thought of some way to change the topic before he brought up what I was doing. My voice was not very confident when I finally thought of something to say.

"I'll be coming to the construction site when you go."

"Sounds good, I'll have someone who's got my back there," he groaned as he sat on the ground beside me. Then took one of the bottles, held it down to the edge of the porch and slammed his hand on top to open the bottle, before offering it to me. "Here, saw you talking to Glenn; looks like you could use one."

"You drunk?" I asked.

"I am a very large man, and I have had many beers to make up for that," he said with a smile.

I took the bottle and took a small sip, before squeezing my eyes closed and shaking my head. "That's disgusting."

"One day I'll find some good shit, show you what it should taste like," he said. "But I am quite happy to drink it either way."

I scoffed, placing the drink down beside me. "It's strange."

"You're judging my drinking right now?" He elbowed me lightly in the arm.

"No, the opposite," I said, knowing he was messing with me but continuing anyway. "Just all of this, it's so normal."

Abraham nodded as he swallowed the liquid down. "Almost disgusting to think about, isn't it? All this time, everything that happened, strange doesn't even begin to cover it, kid."

"God, I just can't . . ." I trailed off, letting out a shaky breath. "It makes me angry. How can they do this? How do they act like the world hasn't ended?"

"Look at them," Abraham nodded to the window behind us. "Take a good long look. Does it look in there like the world ended?"

I looked back over my shoulder to the shadowy figures blocked by the curtains. Laughing, drinking, talking, just like they would have been before. Not like it was now. I pursed my lips, staring into the party. "No."

"That's it. I think for them, it hasn't," he said. "Not in the same way it did for us."

"That doesn't even make sense," I tried to disagree. They put a lot of work into getting the walls up, I admitted that, but once the walls were up, then what? I didn't want to believe that, it was so unfair. But I was connecting the dots he was providing.

Abraham finally looked away from the window, his eyes landed on me. "You remember really early on? In the beginning, when it all had ended, that no one really understood how deep the pile of shit was we were all stuck in? I'm sure this was how it was for most people. We all either didn't know, knew but refused to accept it or really believed it wasn't over. We were all waiting for the military, the Government, scientists, whatever, just playing along waiting to get saved."

My stomach churned as I understood more and more, still watching in the window. We did the same thing, Fort Benning, the CDC. I was having brief recollections of Shane, how mad he'd gotten at the farm, we were all playing house.

Look at this, folks! We're back in fantasy land!

My heart raced faster, and I turned away from the window. I reached for the drink and took another sip, taking a deep breath that didn't quite reach the bottom of my lungs. My hands were shaking again, and I placed them under my calves to hold them still.

Abraham went on, seemingly unaware of the turmoil of memories and feelings he'd conjured in me. "Seems to me, they never left that part. This was their life, they didn't have shit to accept or adapt to."

"It's not fair," I confessed pathetically, hating how childish I must have sounded.

"It's not."

I keeled over, placing my head against the bannister, my hands coming up to grip my hair. "I'm going to be sick."

My stomach was unsettled and everything was spinning around my arms. The reality of everything was weighing down on my chest when it shouldn't have been. I was here now, I could live the way they had been doing. Abraham raised a brow, then moved his hand, reaching for my beer.

I pulled it away, "Oi, that's mine."

Abraham barked out a laugh, pulling his hand back before resting it between my shoulders. "I know we didn't get off on the best foot, but I can see you're in the eye of the storm right now. Believe you me, I know what it feels like."

I breathed deeply, my chest heaving in and out as I leaned my forehead against the railing in front of me. "Then why keep talking?"

"Because that's what you need," Abraham said. "As bad as it all is right now, this shit is screwed up. You don't just do the kinds of stuff you did without repercussions, however, deserved it was on their end. But you need to talk about this shit, it's the only thing you can do about it anymore."

I shook my head as he was talking. The thought of talking about the way I'd been feeling made me shake, and I gripped the back of my neck and squeezed hard. "I can't make it stop, I just . . . I'm always on edge and I want it to stop."

"I know what you're going through," he said. "Been through that storm of shit myself and let me tell you it is a long, hard road that just seems to get worse and worse. You saw me," he went quiet for a moment, and I only realised he expected a response when he said, "Yeah?"

I nodded, keeping my head against the railing and the grip on the back of my head tight. It was all I could do, but enough to give him the answer he was looking for. A pain started underneath my eyes, and the breath wrenched in and out of me.

"I had buddies in work that went through the same shit," he reminisced. "I tried talking to them, being there, but they used to say how lucky I was, that I didn't get it. And then I did. Now I know what they meant. Most of the others, they're lucky, they don't feel it the same way we do."

"Yeah," I breathed out.

After a while of sitting in silence, Abraham stood up. "Imma head back inside, someone has to out-drink Martinez."

"Just make sure his liver doesn't fail," was my request.

"Yeah, yeah," he brushed me off.

Once Abraham was inside, I decided it was time for me to leave. I just wanted to lock myself in my room and forget that any of this had happened, so I followed him back inside and made my way through the building to the front entrance.

"Ace, come and meet some people for me?" Deanna asked.

"I was just looking for—" Rick? I couldn't say his name because I passed him on my path for an escape. I couldn't even ask for Carol without pointing out the fact that she was gone.

"It won't be long," she promised. Some of the people have been wanting to speak to you. She led me over to a group of women who were talking and laughing amongst themselves, before clearing a space amongst them for us to stand. "Everyone, this is Ace."

"Uh, hi."

I barely heard their names as they spoke, one of the women was called Holly and I didn't have the awareness in that moment to remember anyone else. "Ace, honey," one of them asked. "What's your favourite meal? I'd love to cook it for you sometime. I'm doing it for all the new arrivals. I'll do whatever you want."

"I don't know, I don't know what you have the stuff here to make," I said, thinking desperately for a meal that they could cook with the supplies we would have had at the prison. I just wanted this conversation to end so I could go home.

Holly stepped in before she could ask me again. "Ace, is it? Carol was telling me you're a mechanic."

"Oh, wow," another one said. "That sounds tough."

"I guess," I answered quietly and shrugged.

I looked around for Deanna after a minute to see that she had dipped away from the group and was now talking to some more people across the room. One of the people she spoke to was a tall guy with brown hair, Spencer, I think someone said his name was. He was Aiden's brother, Deanna's other son.

I was only present enough to catch one of their sentences.

The women spoke around me, but I didn't hear what they were saying anymore. Nobody was looking at me, so they didn't expect me to add to their conversations, which was for the best. Their mouths were just moving, blurring with the other conversations around the room as my eyes darted around.

"What can I say?—" one of their voices cut through.

What can I say? Hasn't been a night like this since the walls were completed. My heart was pounding in my chest as the Governor flashed before my eyes, blocking out the rest of the room. The similarities of the speech, a coincidence, brought up so many bad memories that I had been trying to forget. Her voice trailed off, and I couldn't hear a word they were saying anymore.

I could see him walking around the area in bursts and jumps that didn't fit together the way they happened, which sent goosebumps up my arm. There was a dazing in my vision as I started to feel dizzy, and my stomach churned unpleasantly.

How's the chest? You know, my aim has been terrible since I lost my eye. My shaking hand came up to cover my collarbone. I needed to support the broken bone before I could get in a breath, not letting the man before me see the weakness in my movements. It hurt—of course, it hurt, I had been shot.

My breathing was loud in my ears, as I stood in the middle of a road. I think her death should be a show! Drag her out to the middle! My hand was on my cheek next, rubbing the cut. The blood trickled down onto my fingers.

She's going to die anyway, but if you answer it'll be when she's unconscious. Or I could do it like this. My eyes shot close, trying to block out the knife in my face.

A hand on my arm made me flinch violently, and the woman beside me retracted her arm. "Are you okay, honey?"

"Excuse me," Isaac slid in between us, a charming smile on his face and a hand discreetly on my back which gently moved up and down, the fabric of the dress tickling my skin as it shifted. My heartbeat pounded in my ears as his other hand pulled my face towards him and he kissed my cheek before whispering to me, "Just try to smile and I'll get us out of here, alright?"

Why was he helping me?

"Sorry about that," he smiled at the women who were beaming at the display. "Nice to meet you, ladies, my name is Isaac. I don't think I've met some of you yet?"

He reached a gloved hand forward as they introduced themselves to him. I realised then that he was only wearing one glove.

"Do you mind me asking what the glove is for?" I heard one of them ask before Holly nudged her with her elbow.

"Don't worry about it," he said. "I have OCD."

"Oh you poor dear," she said.

"Yeah, well. Sam was doing his stamps and this way I can be a part of the fun," he smiled.

My eyes went down to the stamp on my hand as he mentioned it, and I felt his hand move across my back to sit on the opposite waist. Then my eyes moved down to his hand, and I had to fight to keep the quick, panicked breathing inside of me.

"Do you mind if I steal her away from you?" Isaac asked, his head jutting in my direction.

"Oh, such an adorable couple," the woman in front of me smiled. "Are you just head over heels for her?"

Isaac nodded and answered immediately. "She's the best girlfriend a guy could ask for."

Girlfriend? What the hell was happening?

"You can be honest, it was the accent wasn't it?" One of them asked with a laugh.

"Is the accent really the first thing you have to bring up?" Isaac scolded, but his voice was calm or playful. "How many times do you think she's heard about that tonight?"

"I'm sorry," she smiled. "It took me by surprise."

"Come on, let them go," Holly interjected. "They don't want to be stuck here with us, they want to be out doing something fun."

Isaac thanked them before taking my hand and leading me away from the group. As we got further away my breathing became more erratic and my chest was heaving in and out. We walked over to the next room, and he pulled me into a corner before placing his hands on my shoulders so he could look me in the eyes.

"What do you want? Do you want to go?"

I nodded quickly, trying to catch some air.

"Okay," he said. "Come on, we'll go."

He took my hand again and began walking me to the front door, past some of our group in the living room who didn't seem to notice us because they were in their conversations. I was glad for that, not sure what they'd say if they saw him holding my hand.

Unfortunately, there was someone on the way out. Abraham was the one to stop us when we reached the passage, and he straightened, pushing himself from against where he was leaning the bannister of the stairs. "You guys leaving?"

I tried nodding but Isaac answered for me in a quiet tone. "Yeah, I think we should. She's having a hard time."

Abraham and Isaac spoke quietly, and I wasn't paying enough attention to hear what they were saying, but I didn't miss how Abraham moved to step in my way as someone walked past. I squeezed my eyes closed, taking a deep shaky breath.

"Here, hold on," Abraham walked away.

The ringing in my ears didn't stop when Isaac turned back around to me, his gloved hand coming up to my shoulder. "You alright?"

I nodded, but honestly, I was just so scared and confused. Other than the fact that I had just been standing there, back in the moments that scared the shit out of me, I didn't understand why Isaac was helping me after what I said to him. How did he know that something was wrong?

Abraham returned with a six-pack of beer, holding it to Isaac. "Get up to some dumb teen shit. I'll distract them so you guys can just get out without being noticed"

"Uh, thanks," Isaac took it, before putting a hand on my shoulder and leading me towards the front door. He looked back to Abraham who was now in a conversation with someone, before opening the door and we slipped outside.

Nobody seemed to try to talk to us or stop us as we walked out of Deanna's house and down the stairs. We shouldn't have passed anyone if we walked straight back to the houses, so I took a step to go right and around the corner. Isaac grabbed my hand and stopped me.

"Come on," he nodded for me to follow him left, the opposite way that I had taken to get here.

Instead of walking straight back, we walked down a long straight road that led to the watch tower and the front of Alexandria. We walked in silence down the road until we reached the wall at the front, near the front corner of the group.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Isaac asked after a while.

"I was just—" I snapped my mouth shut, shaking my head. He was going to think I was crazy. "I-I was seeing things, remembering, but . . . it was like I was there again. My chest hurt, like—like it did when I got shot, I—"

I swallowed hard because it sounded ridiculous to me. How could I be feeling as much pain as I had just standing in a room? It was a little different to the day I had been shot, so maybe it was just from how tense I had been. Still, we kept walking, but we slowed down. I just wanted this day to be over.

"I don't feel good." I realised after saying it that the sentence I used could get misconstrued as me feeling unwell, but that isn't really what I meant. Sure, I felt a little faint and nauseous from the party, but I was referring to how I'd felt and acted since coming here. My nose tickled as I finally cried, "I'm so sick of feel—feeling like this. I'm so stupid, I-I just need to stop—"

"Hey, hey," Isaac quickly put the bottles down before reaching for my arm, pulling it until I was against him and he wrapped his arms around me. "None of this is stupid, okay? It was an attack, they happen. You can't beat yourself up over something like this."

"She—she said something and I was there when he took Daryl and—" I gasped in a sob, bringing my eyes down to his shoulder. "And the Claimers and—and Terminus, Gareth."

Isaac just rubbed my back as he hugged me, just listening to my broken sentences as I tried to explain what happened. His chin came down on top of my head, and his arms tightened around the top of my own.

We stood there until I calmed down, managing to swallow down the sobs to keep myself quiet. When I had finally stopped, Isaac lifted his head and pulled back, looking down into my eyes for a second as I sniffed.

"Come on," he said. "We'll find somewhere quiet."

Isaac leaned down to grab the beers before we took off. We walked around to the front of the community, past where the guard tower was and towards the front gate. Isaac then pulled my hand gently towards the pond, and we dipped between some of the trees.

As we reached the water, Isaac took off his coat, still standing at the top of the bank. He knelt on one knee and laid it on the ground, before looking around at the structures around us, the gate, some buildings across the pond.

"Here, this is kinda private," he looked around and frowned. "I guess."

Then he moved forward onto the jacket and leaned back against the tree, looking out at the pond. Isaac patted the spot beside him, and I sat down on the ground, also leaning back against the tree. My eyes felt dry, like I was all cried out and exhausted.

Isaac looked down at the six-pack of beer bottles beside him and shrugged. "May as well, huh? Get up to some dumb teen shit, as Abraham said."

"I doubt anybody minds if—if we drink, anymore," I swallowed down the lump in my throat.

"Yeah, but it could be kind of fun. We never got the chance to sneak around or steal beer, this might be the safest way to do it." He reached forward to grab two bottles, before putting one beside him as he looked for something to open the bottle with. He could have probably used a rock, but I could see that he probably wouldn't drink it if that were the case.

"Belt buckle," I said after a moment of silence.

His eyes lit up. "Oh, yeah."

Isaac sat forward and unbuckled his belt, pulling it free of the loops. He grabbed the buckle and placed the rim of it underneath the ridges of the bottle cap, before twisting his wrist back, and the lid popped free of the glass. Doing the same with the second bottle, he leaned back against the tree and handed me one of the drinks.

At the same time, we both took a sip of the drink, and I knew we both hated it. Isaac made a face while I gagged, sticking out my tongue as my face contorted. "I still don't know how Abraham drinks so much of this."

"Have you seen how many he's had tonight, I doubt he can taste anything anymore," Isaac guessed.

Despite our complaints, both of us went back for another gulp. I tried taking a larger one just to acclimate myself to the taste enough to finish the three bottles we had, and after a while, it seemed to get easier to drink.

We sat in silence for what seemed like hours but was probably actually 45 minutes. A new worry arose that someone might notice that neither of us had returned home yet, though everyone was probably still at the party. We had time.

Isaac and I were both on our second bottle after a while, and I had calmed down from the attack. All evidence that something was wrong had gone now. None of it had anything to do with the drink, just getting away from everyone finally cleared my head. I was still on edge, sure, but I don't think I'd stopped since we were attacked in the church.

I swirled the liquid around in the bottle, before blowing out a sigh. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" He raised a brow.

"When . . . when you kissed me and I—" I trailed off. "I shouldn't have said what I did. I was just scared and embarrassed that we were caught. And I thought we were going to die, or that, we could have, if it had been someone else."

There was a moment of silence as he pondered my words. "I thought you regretted it."

"God, no," I confidently, and then immediately shook my head at how weird that made me sound. "I was scared, I was scared of Aaron. And I was scared of this, I think," I waved to the space between us. "I've never done anything like this, I've never had a boyfriend. Have you?"

"A boyfriend?" Isaac pondered. "Can't say I have."

I scoffed with a smile. "Shut up."

He smiled, but went quiet for a little while, before finally admitting. "I had a girlfriend before. We weren't serious and it was just kissing and stuff. But a couple months before the world ended she moved away, so we broke it off."

"Were you sad?" I asked.

"A little, but we weren't together all that long," he said.

I had never considered that Isaac might have had a girlfriend before, but it made sense. As he'd shown tonight, he could be charming and confident around people. The thought of it brought an inexplicable pang in my chest that I just pushed down.

"I liked kissing you. I liked it, and it terrified me," I confirmed.

Luckily, he agreed. "I was a bit scared too, but kind of in a good way. If that makes sense?"

"Yeah, I get it. I'm sorry for how I acted, and what I said. I just didn't know what to do so I pushed you away."

"I'm not good at this either. I could have come to talk to you about it, but I was a little angry and honestly, I was worried that it was going to be the end," he explained, his eyes only flicking over to meet my own. "But, we could figure it out together," he added quickly, "if you want to."

"Do you?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. I do."

"Me too," I admitted.

We went quiet for a while, but I was still left in a cloud of confusion. Was that conversation official? I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to come off as stupid. I thought for a while, but my need for confirmation overcame any fear of being embarrassed.

"Are we . . . together?" I asked. "Because you told the women I was your girlfriend but that could have just been to distract them or something so if not then—"

"I'd like it if you were my girlfriend," he cut off my rambling.

I breathed out a long breath. "Good."

That was good, it was the first thing that felt right for a long time. Still, there was something that made it seem incomplete, not official. I thought about it for a while, wondering if there was something we could do.

"Do we—I mean, are we supposed to do anything? Do we kiss again?" I asked.

Isaac was quiet for a while before he shrugged. "We don't have to, tonight. I'm happy enough just to sit here."

That's what we did. I leaned my head on his shoulder and we just stayed there to finish our last drinks.

As we made our move, I felt weird. Not drunk—not completely, but lighter. A little happier and sadder at the same time.

I could tell Isaac was also feeling the effects, maybe a little less than me, but he took a few extra seconds to glance around with his altered vision.

We walked in a peaceful silence back to our houses.

My mind was reeling about us now, what we'd become. Isaac was my boyfriend, my first boyfriend. My skin tingled as the words crossed my mind, and I couldn't help the smile (which I forced down so I didn't look stupid.)

Still, it felt unofficial—something that was my fault as Isaac was more concerned with looking after me than our updated status (and I knew because of that, I couldn't have been luckier). It was early, and neither of us would be comfortable enough to bring it up with the others, but I wanted to show Isaac that I was on board with our decision completely.

It was settled in my mind as we reached the gap between our darkened houses. The lights were out, and it was quiet, private.

"Isaac?"

He hummed, and as he turned to me.

I stood up on my tiptoes, placed a hand on his shoulder and kissed him. His hand came up after a second, resting on my arm that was using him to balance. My heart raced, the same as before, but I didn't care. I wanted it to be official, me and him.

A second later I pulled back, lowering myself.

His hand followed my wrist down between us, and he held it in his palm. "You didn't have to do that," he quietly reminded me.

"I know," I nodded. "I wanted to."

(Needed to.)

He nodded and smiled, telling me that he understood or it was okay. "Goodnight."

"Night," I whispered back.

As Isaac took a step back, his hand remained on my arm for as long as it could, coming down until the tips of our fingers were the last things that were touching. He waited for me to head inside first, reminding me of the chivalry my mother deemed important when she'd tell me stories about her and my dad.

I gave him one last smile, before heading inside.

I'm not sure I had a stupid thing for this episode, but there are more to come. I was too excited about Ace and Isaac to consider overreacting to what the show was giving me.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and lmk what you thought :)