AU! Severitus. Set in 1985-1986.

Harry's dialogues are written that way on purpose. They are NOT spelling errors.

THC, Round 6

Hufflepuff, DADA

Standard

Prompts:

Section 1 - [Speech] "I finally did it! I finally-"

Section 2 - [Action] Doing homework

WC: 2999/3000

Severus scowled down at the maths homework spread out across the table. Numbers swam across his vision, and he groaned and dropped his head onto the table.

"What to I to now?" five-year-old Harry whined, tugging on Severus' hair. "Sevvy! Tell me!"

Severus had never been good at Muggle maths. And he had absolutely despised doing Arithmancy at Hogwarts. He had been over the moon when he had found out he didn't need to do maths after Hogwarts.

But now, he was burdened with maths again. Yes, it was just basic arithmetic, but Severus hated explaining it to Harry. He just wanted to teach Harry a spell to get his maths homework done with just a flick of his wrist, but Harry would have tried teaching the spell to Draco and Hermione, his best friends at Muggle school, and the Ministry would admonish him for his bad parenting.

Lucius would never let him hear the end of it.

With a silent groan, Severus pushed himself up to an upright position and stared down at Harry. "What have I taught you up till now?"

"We take two things and add shit," Harry said solemnly.

"Don't—Don't say that word," Severus said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's a bad word."

"What can I say then?" Harry questioned, cocking his head to the side. "Pwus? Is that a wad word too?"

Harry still struggled with his D's, so Severus knew he meant 'bad.' Already frazzled, Harry's bewildering questions only added to his growing headache. "What? No, I meant don't say shit. That's a bad word."

"But you say it."

"That's because I'm a bad man. And an adult. I'm a bad adult. I can say it." Severus rubbed his temples and thought, 'Merlin's beard, what am I even saying? Teaching Harry maths is going to kill me.'

"But—" Harry tried to say something when Severus interrupted him quickly.

"How about we focus on your other holiday homework first? What else did they give me—you to do?"

Harry bit his lower lip and nodded. "Okay, I'll bwing my book."

He ran off to rummage in his school bag, and Severus took the opportunity to thump his head on the desk a few times.

He loved Harry—of course, he did. Harry had quite easily taken over his entire world ever since Severus had adopted him from the Dursleys when he was younger. Severus had seen the way Harry had been neglected by his own aunt, and he had sworn he wouldn't let anything happen to Lily's child.

Dumbledore had tried to get him to give Harry up, but Minerva had almost hexed the man black and blue. Severus had been very grateful for McGonagall's support.

He now wished he was back at Hogwarts, so that Minerva could do her grandmotherly duties and teach Harry simple maths.

Harry wasn't dumb; Severus knew that. It was just that Harry didn't seem to like counting, and Severus didn't want to teach him the subject either.

He really wished someone else could teach it to his son—and fast.

"My book!" Harry announced proudly and handed his class diary to Severus.

Severus flipped through the pages and found the holiday homework printed and stapled at the end.

He ignored the large section underneath 'Mathematics' and scanned the Science homework instead.

Make a homemade volcano. Instructions are as below…

Severus nodded and stood up. This, we can do. It's like making a potion.

He took Harry's hand and began to lead him towards the main door. Harry asked, "Where are we going?"

"Shopping. We need a few supplies to make a volcano." He bent down to help Harry put on his shoes.

"Wha's a volcano?"

Merlin. Here we go again. "A volcano is a big mountain with magma insi—"

"Wha's magma?"

Severus checked both sides of the street before crossing it. "It's a very hot, melted rock—"

"How wid it get there?"

Severus wracked his brain to think of the answer to Harry's question. "The Earth is very, very hot on the inside, so some big rocks melt and turn into hot, gooey soup—"

"I like soup, but I ton't like it when it's too hot," Harry interjected and hopped over the cracks in the footpath.

"Yes, yes, I know," Severus said as patiently as possible. Harry had always been an inquisitive child, more so now that he could actually pronounce bigger words. "The Earth is made of different layers—"

"Like clothes?"

Making his way to the supermarket, Severus pushed open the door and entered. "Yes, imagine the Earth is wearing lots of sweaters—"

"Isn't he wearing any shirts?" Harry giggled.

Severus grabbed a basket and handed it to Harry. "Fine, the Earth's wearing both shirts and sweaters—"

"An' trousers! An' socks!"

"Yes, yes," Severus said, his tone turning almost pleading now. What was he even telling Harry? Oh, yes. "Anyway, in one of those layers, this magma forms because of all the heat."

"Can't the Earth use a Cooling Chawm like you use in summer?"

Thank Merlin that he had at least finished his sentence. Severus led Harry to the first aisle and began searching for baking soda and vinegar. They didn't require these ingredients at home, so Severus hadn't bought them before. He found the items relatively quickly and handed the baking soda to Harry.

Harry asked a bit more loudly, "Sevvy, can't the Earth to magic?"

"No, the Earth can't do magic." Now, for the dish soap…

"Why not?"

"Because it has a different type of magic—and it's like a big cake. When you take a cake out, the outside cools down pretty quickly, right? But the inside stays warm for a long time because it's so thick. Similarly, the Earth is like that big cake—the magma is inside, and it stays hot for a very, very long time. Sometimes, it finds little cracks to move through, and when it gets close to the surface, it tries to find a way out. That's when it might come out of a volcano as lava!" Severus raced through the explanation and the supermarket as fast as humanly possible.

Harry's eyes widened as he sprinted beside Severus. "Oh! So Earth's the cake? And magma is insite?"

"Yes, it's inside."

"And wha's the lava? Fwosting?" Harry asked, now excited that Severus had mentioned cake.

"Yes…think of the frosting as the lava if you want," Severus said, searching for his wallet in the pocket of his jeans.

"Can we get cake?" Harry asked slyly.

"Ye—No," Severus said and shot Harry a pointed look as he paid for the items. He bagged them quickly and hurried Harry out of there.

"Why not?"

"Because." Leading Harry across the street, Severus unlocked the door of their house and ushered the boy in.

"If I ask Mr Lucy, will he bwing me cake?" Harry batted his lashes at Severus.

Lucius…

It was bad enough that Lucius had enrolled Draco in the same school as Harry—which had been an accident. When Severus asked why Draco was being sent to a Muggle school, Lucius admitted it was Narcissa's wish for their son to be educated in both Muggle and wizarding ways.

"I hate Mr Lucy," Severus grumbled, juggling the bag of items and the keys in his hand.

"But he loves you! Like you love me! And I love you," Harry said hotly. "Mr Lucy will bwing us cake!"

"Please, spare me the mention of him. You know he's a complete ponce. And ever since he discovered you're Draco's best friend, he's been insufferably determined to ingratiate himself with you," Severus said with a growl. "He's like the devil. Speak of him, and he—"

There was a loud pop just behind him, and Severus whirled around, whipping his wand out to attack anyone who dared harm him or Harry.

Lucius and Draco stood there, hand in hand and dressed exactly the same in black robes. Lucius had a wrapped package in his hand, while Draco held onto his school bag.

Severus fisted his wand even tighter but reluctantly shoved it back in his jeans. "What did I tell you, Harry? Never speak of the devil, for he shall appear."

Harry ignored him and rushed towards Draco, throwing his arms around the blond's skinny shoulders. "Waco! Hi!"

"How did you even find our house?" Severus demanded loudly. He hadn't given Lucius the address because he absolutely hated it when people tried to socialise.

"I have my connections," Lucius said haughtily.

"I told Waco about our house! I mate him a map! Isn't that nice of me, Sevvy?" Harry exclaimed and dragged Draco towards Severus. "Can Waco and I go play?"

Severus scowled and shook his head. "Not until we find out why these two imbeciles are here."

Draco scowled up at Severus and said, "Uncle Vrus, you're mean."

"I aim to please," Severus drawled before turning to Lucius. "Why are you here?"

"Draco needs to complete his holiday homework."

"...And?" Severus asked with a pointed pause.

"And you're going to help him with it."

Merlin's beard, no. Please, tell me I didn't hear him right. He gasped. "Why?"

"Because you're his godfather and it's your responsibility."

Severus turned to Harry. "Take Draco to your room. Set up your things, and I'll be right there."

"You better know what you're doing, Uncle Vrus," Draco said haughtily before turning to Harry. "Let's go. I want to see your peasant room."

Severus had half a mind to hex his little godson, but he controlled his urges. Once the boys were gone, Severus glared at Lucius. "You don't have the faintest idea about Muggle homework, do you?"

Lucius' shoulders slumped. "Merlin, no. I haven't the slightest idea what 'recycled materials' are—nor do I particularly wish to. And as for 'arithmetic'—what in Merlin's name is that supposed to be? And don't even get me started on this absurd word 'volcano.' What kind of uncouth term is that?"

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "How is it possible that you don't know what a volcano is? Are you truly that astoundingly ignorant?"

Lucius shot him an affronted look before clutching the box tighter to his chest. "If you persist in these insults, I shall be forced to withhold the mouthwatering chocolate cake I so graciously procured for the Saviour of the Wizarding World."

Severus' left eye twitched. Harry would be bouncing off the walls with the amount of sugar in that cake. "Hand it over this instant, and remove yourself from my house before I lose what little patience I have left."

"Oh, and…keep Draco for the night," Lucius said as he pulled out his wand, ready to leave.

Severus' eyes widened with horror. "What? No! That wasn't—"

"Toodle-oo," Lucius deadpanned and then Disapparated.

Severus wanted to throw away the cake just to be petty, but he knew Draco would have already told Harry about the cake. With a heavy sigh, Severus put the cake in the kitchen and went to meet his doom—sorry, the children.

Severus' headache had turned into a migraine, and it was all Draco's fault.

"Can you sit still for just one second?" Severus choked out through gritted teeth as he tried to glue the volcano mould together while breathing through his nose. Draco had just kicked him in the ribs while play-wrestling with Harry. Severus remembered Draco punching his thighs as hard as he could during the school costume party last month, but his punches hadn't done any damage at all. His kicks, on the other hand, were powerful.

"Get to the fun part, Uncle Vrus!" Draco demanded. Harry grabbed Draco's hair and yanked his head backwards, giving Severus a good look up Draco's nostrils (which he had not wanted at all).

"Mother—" Draco wailed and whirled around, his fists up and ready to fight.

Cackling, Harry dodged Draco's flailing limbs. "Can't catch me!"

Severus shook his head and returned to what felt more like his homework than the children's. He finally wrapped the volcano mould around the bottle and sighed in relief.

"We're getting to the fun part," he announced to the boys, who gave up their attempts at suffocating each other with their smelly armpits and rushed to Severus' side.

"What now?" Draco demanded, crossing his arms.

Severus had Harry add the vinegar, and though a bit spilled due to Harry's small, unsteady hands, Severus was relieved he was contributing..

"Now add the warm water, Draco."

"Why warm? Why not cold?"

"Just do as I say."

Draco rolled his eyes but did as instructed.

"Add a few drops of red food colouring into the bottle," Severus instructed Harry.

"Why not wainbow colours?"

"Just. Do. As. I. Say."

Harry giggled as he poured a capful of red colour into the volcano. "Is that okay, Sevvy?"

To Severus, Harry could do no wrong. So despite the excess of red, he simply shook his head. "Good job. Now, you, Draco, measure one tablespoon of dish soap and pour it into the bottle."

"Why do I have to do the dirty work?" Draco whined.

"Because it's our homework," Harry said patiently. He handed the dish soap to Draco and even opened the bottle cap for him.

"Pour it for me," Draco demanded, but Severus shot him a pointed glare, so he grumbled under his breath but measured it out himself.

Merlin's beard, these kids were going to be the death of him. When was this nightmare going to end?

"Now, we're going to mix the baking soda with water," he explained.

"I'm bored," Draco whined loudly. He nudged Harry and declared, "Harry, go bring your Muggle toys. I want to try your tee-ruck."

"I'm going to make this bottle explode," Severus warned.

Harry and Draco immediately forgot the toys and watched Severus excitedly.

Severus decided he didn't need their help. He'd do it himself. The sooner he got the homework over with, the sooner he could relax in his bathtub with a glass of elvish wine and the new Brew & Concoct Quarterly magazine. He deserved it, damn it.

Mixing the baking soda and water, he stepped towards the volcano mould.

He raised the slurry and was about to pour it in when Draco said, "I want to do that."

"No, I want to!" Harry cried.

"I asked first!"

"Sevvy's my Sevvy!"

"He's my uncle Vrus!"

"Stop arguing," Severus admonished. When both boys pouted, he sighed. "I know you want to pour this in, but it's going to explode and I don't want—"

"But you said this is the fun part! You can't have all the fun! I won't let you!" Draco stood as straight as he could but still only reached Severus' lower thigh.

"Fine, you both can pour it in," Severus said, giving up quickly. He really just wanted to get the experiment over with and go the hell to sleep. "But first, cover your eyes. If you go blind—"

"It will be very cool," Draco interrupted.

"No, no, it will not be very cool." Severus, incredulous, wondered how Lucius, as dumb as he was, had managed to keep Draco alive this long. It must be all Narcissa's doing.

"We'll be careful," Harry promised.

Severus Summoned Harry's swimming goggles and Duplicated them for Draco. Once he was sure both boys were not going to remove the goggles, he allowed them to step towards the volcano.

Draco and Harry held the cup together and then poured the baking soda slurry into the volcano. It erupted and showered its red, blood-like contents on the boys, who whooped and screamed, raising their arms overhead like a pair of cultists in front of an ancient deity.

"Blood! Blood, everywhere!" Draco threw his head back and cackled maniacally.

Harry twirled around as if he were enjoying the rain and not getting doused with vinegar and dish soap.

Severus threw his head back and laughed with wild abandon, the sound echoing through the room. He had actually finished their homework! He was free, truly free, and the sheer joy of it surged through him like a powerful spell. "I finally did it! I finally—"

His joy was short-lived. Harry and Draco leapt at Severus and grabbed his sleeves. They pleaded, "Do it again!"

"No, no, no," Severus said and extracted himself from their grip. He cast a Scourgify on them both and stepped away. "I'm going to disappear now, and you two can do whatever you want."

"We need to finish our homework," Harry pointed out.

"Yes, Uncle Vrus." Draco hurried to get his diary and showed it to Severus. "You've to read us five stories."

"Five?" Severus squawked, overtaken by a wave of horror.

"Yes," Harry said, grinning. "Ham-yone said she's goin' to read ten books!"

"How much more is that?" Draco questioned.

Squinting, the boys tried to count on their fingers. Severus stared at them, horrified. No, no more homework…

"I won't know, but Sevvy's goin' to learn us maths too!" Harry declared happily. "Aren't you, Sevvy?"

Severus' hands were sweating. "No maths."

"But—"

"No maths. If your friend Hermione is that smart, she'll teach you maths herself," Severus said, shaking his head quickly, "but I'm not teaching it to you. And you can read the stories too. My head hurts—"

"It will hurt more if I call Father," Draco said, his tone a bit too innocent for his threat.

Severus almost sobbed. He had so naively assumed that he had just finished their homework, but no, it wasn't meant to be.

Instead, he found himself buried under a new mountain of chaos, with two giggling boys demanding he now read them all five stories at once, while they "helped him" by turning the pages at lightning speed and asking questions like, "What happens if the dwagon eats the princess? Did you know my name means dragon? Huh? Did you?" and "Can the superhewo fly to the moon? Can he take his wog with him? Wha' about a cat?"

Severus swore then and there never to give his own students any holiday homework.