June 11, 2005

Day 1.

No, it's not actually the first day this happened. I just decided to write this in my journal now that I can no longer hold the emotions boiling inside me. I noticed that my husband has been acting cold towards me since last week. I tried to ask if I did or said something wrong that made him not to love me anymore. It got pushed back though, because he's been living in the hospital instead of going home to me. And every time that he's home, he's either locking himself in his office or just going straight to bed without acknowledging my existence. Now I'm questioning my existence.

I got a text earlier this evening. It was from my husband, saying he will not be home again for he has to do a very important operation. I stared at our kitchen and shook my head as I blew the flames off the candles and put everything in a container. I was expecting him to come home tonight so I can tell him some good news but I guess it's no longer good.

Well, it is what it is. 11 years of marriage may be one of the hardest trials but I know we can get through this. Everyone says that we are Addison and Derek. I'm thinking otherwise now. Anyway, I'll see my husband again by tomorrow if I get lucky.

-

"Good morning Dr. Shepherd, you look sharp today." Mark Sloan, their best friend of everything, handed Addison a cup of coffee. Her usual. "Your eyes look heavy, are you getting enough sleep?" Addison looked at him and plastered a wide smile on her beautiful face. She was wearing light makeup and her hair was pulled in a half ponytail. "After the night I had, I managed to get a 3-hour sleep." Mark squinted his eyes and studied her face. "That lucky bastard got some last night huh?" And then, there was their subject, walking towards them at the nurse's station with his briefcase and sleek hair. A wide grin was also plastered in his bearded face. "Good morning Mark." Derek greeted and then slid an arm around Addison's waist to pull her close. "Oh I'm not gonna even ask why you're in a good mood today. You two make me sick."

"Oh come on Mark. As if no one slept with you last night."

"Right. I heard that Leslie turned him down last night." Addison added with a giggle, leaning her head on the crook of Derek's neck. "I should get going honey." She whispered, her warm breath tickling Derek's neck. "Babies at the NICU are waiting for me." And then she finally pulled away from her husband when she felt him tighten his grip on her waist. "I'll see you both at lunch later." She pulled Derek down by his lab coat to give him a sweet kiss on the lips before moving close to Mark to kiss him on the cheek. "Ew woman!" Mark wiped his cheek because he knew that there would be a kiss mark because Derek's lips were now as red as Addison's.

"Don't act like you don't like it, Sloan. Save me a spot."

The two surgeons watched her retreat but Derek tapped his best friend's shoulder to get his attention. "Hey, stop staring now. She's my wife and I am her husband, remember that." Mark Sloan just chuckled at that statement, however he didn't stop himself from saying "Act like it then." The crease on Derek's forehead showed and he looked at Mark with a mad expression. "What was that supposed to mean?"

The plastic surgeon took a deep breath and put his hand on Derek's shoulder. "I'm just saying as your best friend, that you should act as her husband. Not her roommate." He then clarified it more. "Addison is always waiting for you man. I was always the one she called every time she couldn't reach you, asking if you're coming home or not. And I've been making excuses as you have instructed me. Derek, your wife is lonely."

"She knows that I cannot always come home, I am a neurosurgeon, I am needed. Besides, I am working my ass off for our future. So I can give her the life that she deserves."

"Does she deserve what you're doing to her right now?"

That made Derek think, but Mark continued. "You are basically making me your proxy, Derek. I am not her husband, you are. It's not my job to take her on a date if you couldn't go. It shouldn't be me driving her home, or checking up on her every time you tell me to." He shook his head as Derek looked at him in the eyes. "Go home to your wife Derek. She needs you." After that statement, Mark grabbed his chart and walked away, leaving Derek with something he was going to think about so deep.

It was finally lunch time, the two best friends were waiting for the gorgeous redhead doctor who happened to be the reason why there was a crack in the atmosphere between Shepherd and Sloan. "You're right, Mark." Derek took a deep breath, sticking his fork into his salad repeatedly. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like my proxy."

"It's not me you should apologize to, it's Addie." Mark looked at his best friend and his salad. "And give me that poor salad if you're not going to eat it. I would." By the time Mark almost finished half of Derek's salad, Addison arrived with her gorgeous self. "Hello you two, sorry I'm late." She kissed Derek's cheek and stole Mark's strawberry yogurt. "Hey that's mine!" But it was too late, Addison was already eating it. "I know, but thank you Mark, you're so generous."

"Yeah because you're such a charity."

Derek couldn't help but notice how easily Mark and Addison banter like they are best of friends ever since they were born. Even though Addison was 2 years younger than the guys. It made him think about what Mark said and he realized that he should always be there for his wife. So he took Addison's hands and kissed her knuckles saying "I love you." Addison was taken aback with the gesture. She was waiting for it for almost a month now and her heart was beating so fast it could jump out of her chest. She looked at Derek's eyes, they were brimming with tears and so did hers. She smiled genuinely and said "I love you too." Both were leaning closer to each other, no one was sure who initiated the kiss but Mark really had to ruin the moment… "Oh gross. Get a room." By throwing a slice of tomato to his friends. Addison rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him. "Get yourself a wife!" She bantered back. The three of them laughed and continued their lunch peacefully–not until one of the pagers vibrated. And of course, it's Derek's. Addison and Mark looked each other in the eyes as Derek was no longer with them.

"Are you okay, Red?"

"I am." She forced a smile. "Last night was amazing, Mark. It was like he suddenly remembered that he has a wife and he made me feel loved. And I hope that continues."

"I'm glad that he's back in his senses." He took his yogurt back though, and it still has its half. "If you need something, I'm just here for you guys."

-

August 8, 2005

I no longer count the days because I thought Derek and I would be back to our honeymoon avenue. But I thought wrong. He busied himself at work again. I cannot blame him though, I support him instead because it's his dream to be the greatest. I just wish he knows how to balance his work and family life. Right now, I'm lucky if I see him come home once a week. I'm also a surgeon myself, we are both heads of our departments. But I know how to delegate tasks to my staff, I know how to spend time between the hospital, my family and friends. Derek on the other hand…still proving that he's the greatest.

His mom called me today, asking if we are going to attend Sarah's 18th birthday on Wednesday. I said yes, because they were expecting us to be there and I also don't want to miss my niece's birthday. So I sent a message to Derek about it, it's just disappointing to receive a reply like.

Derek: Ads, go with Mark. I have a Neuroendoscopy on Wednesday.

Addison: But your family is expecting us together, Derek.

Derek: You and Mark are family. I have to go.

I didn't respond back anymore because once again, he's shoving me and his family away like we are not important to him. I just hate it sometimes that he's pushing Mark to me or he's pushing me to Mark. But then again…I called Mark.