This Author decided to open Colin's thoughts a bit more, as we never get them neither in the book or series. So if you ever wanted to get into men's mind here you go... Enjoy.
Just a small reminder that This Author sees your comments and does appreciate them with whole heart. They are one of the things that help update it more frequently. This Chapter in particular was hard to write because of the big question, not everyone can answer even in real life. So your comment, Dear Gentle Reader, would mean a lot.

Getting away unnoticed from his family's ball has been a real assignment but when a right moment presented itself Colin wasted no time to sneak out, grabbing Penelope's hand.

Just a few candles were light up in the room, making it almost impossible to see anything. Anything except her. She was his glowing light in darkness.

She went in first, turning to him almost right away. He was still in a process of closing the door, when she turned him by his shoulder, her other hand pushed on his neck, for him to lean closer. And then her lips were on his. Fierce. Warm. Her body pushing his back to the door until it was closed.

He felt her hand, that just was on his shoulder, slipping to his collar, one of her nails unwillingly touched his neck in a process. She grabbed him by the collar to push him closer to her, pressing her whole body to his simultaneously.

"God, Penelope" he roared into her lips. Pressing a few wet kisses to her neck. And then he heard it. Her moan. Sound that he was anticipating ever since their kiss in the carriage. She was simply driving him insane now.

"No. No God here. Just your wife, Colin" she said while taking his coat off of him.

"Mrs. Bridgerton you are indeed better than God. So much better." He whispered, slowly pulling on a side of her short sleeve with one hand, while the other pulled a string on her corset loosening her dress just enough to reveal more of her full breasts. While she was working on the buttons of his shirt, he kissed her breasts, hands moving admirably down her curvy figure, pulling her dress to fall off.

"I want you, Colin. Right here. In front of this mirror" she whispered in his ear and lightly bite his neck.

He awoke. He was dreaming about her again. Will he ever stop? That dream was definitely more intense than the last one. He wanted to marry her Today. How could he wait another day without her by his side? He already wasted so much time, coming to his senses and finally admitting his feeling for her. But at least today he gets to tell the whole world just how lucky he is to have her. He finally has her. But does he really?

That question sent him back into haze full of memories of last night. The way she took a quick look behind her, while leaving the room after Anthony and Kate's announcement. The way she disappeared behind those doors just moments after. Almost like trying not to be seen. Almost like escaping.

Was she?

He couldn't remember if Eloise indeed was in the living room after their announcement. He didn't remember that she was there. He didn't remember that she wasn't. But there was no Eloise when he found Pen in her room. He had no reason not to trust her, though. Today was the second night he was dreaming about kissing her. Her kissing him even. Being all authoritarian on him. Being his wife. That thought definitely woke some new feelings inside of him. He wanted her. Wanted to call her his. To say how much he adored her, loved her. Love?

Could it be… love?

This feeling sending shivers down his back, a feeling of complete obsession, need to care for her, protect her and always be close… was it … love?

On the other side of the street she was already dressed, sitting near her window with a book in hand. Only… she wasn't reading it. Neither she was looking in the window. She was indeed blindly staring at the blurred lines in her book, lost in her thoughts. Suddenly, she put the book aside and got up.

Dear Gentle Reader –

After breakfast Colin asked to have a word with Anthony. Eloise watched them leave the room, wondering if Pen indeed told him already.

"Brother, I have a question. An unusual one. The one that is hard for me to even comprehend." Colin said in Anthony's office room.

"What is it, that got you so hesitant, Brother?" Anthony asked while putting some papers away from his desk.

"I was just wondering..." Colin started. Words were coming out with such difficulty. "How did you… How did you know… know that Kate… Kate was…"

"The one?" Anthony made an attempt to help his brother find right words.

"Yes, but no…" Anthony narrowed his eyes at Colin while he was trying to put his thoughts together for once "that you love her. How did u know it's love?"

That took Anthony by surprise. He should've expected this sooner than later, of course. But it just didn't dawn on him until he actually heard it. Colin was used to run away from his feeling, being not a first man in the family, he didn't have responsibilities hanging on him, as did Anthony from a young age. Colin spent a good fortune of years traveling and enjoying life, not really stringing himself anywhere or to anyone. Of course, just the idea of love would be petrifying to him.

"Love is not something you can describe, Brother. You just know." Anthony said coming closer to Colin and waving for him to sit down on the couch. As they sat Anthony tried again "It's a deep feeling. But it's different for everybody. Our story with Kate is surely much different from you and Penelope."

Anthony looked more closely at Colin "We are talking about Penelope, right?"

"Of course. Who else would we talk about?" Seems as this awoken Colin a bit.

"Good. Good. I was just checking. To be sure." Anthony exhaled a deep breath, he didn't realize he was holding.

"Love is an ever-changing feeling some would say. It's never the same even after you feel it for the first time. We can love many people in different ways at the same time. Family. Friends. Partners. Even love for your sisters and brothers is not the same, surely you can see a difference."

"Sure, but I was not asking about family."

"I know. I know." Was it even possible to explain something like love? – Anthony thought. "I am saying… that if you even dare to think about love… most probably, it means you're at least half way there, Colin. I cannot tell you about you and Penelope, but I can say that for me it was a feeling of wanting to be with somebody even when you want her gone…" he paused for a second, looked down on the floor, took a deep breath and said "because the truth is you never want her gone in the first place. You catch yourself thinking about her all the time. You smell her everywhere. Everything around you somehow remind you of her. No matter how much she agonizes you. You can't stop thinking about her, wanting to at least stand in the same room as she is. If you're able to except something you don't fully understand, with a prospect of spending a lifetime trying to understand and you simply can't imagine your world without her looking at you the way only she can. Because that single look somehow makes everything else not important – this is what love sounds like to me." Colin was speechless, seeing that, Anthony decided to lower the bar a bit by adding "If you're want to… ready for being there for her at her worst and care and protect her… if you holding your breath without noticing it – this is love."

Well, wanting to care and protect. And be close to her all the time. And can't stop thinking… well, more like dreaming, about her every night. Wasn't it exactly what he's feeling for Penelope? – Colin thought.

"Thank you, Brother. Thank you, that was indeed a very good answer." Was all Colin managed to say before he left his brother's office and went for a long walk before the ball.

Colin almost ran out of the house. He didn't noticed Eloise eyeing him though the window in her room.