FIFTEEN

The sunlight was pouring down onto the glory of the golden trees and onto the students gathered on the soccer field. They had just finished practicing, and most of them were still loitering and chatting, lingering before heading for the shared bathroom. Neil spotted Charlie and Knox walking ahead of him towards the academy. He sprinted to catch up with them and wrapped his arms on both of their shoulders, wedging between them.

"So" he began, visibly excited. "Sneaking out with me? Who's in?"

"I'm always in" Charlie assured. "What for?"

"I want to go downtown and get a present for Todd. I already have Meeks, Pitts and Cameron's shares, you can help me choose something on behalf of all."

"Sure, pal, let's meet in front of the gates after the shower" Knox established.

"Let's go boys, hustle up out there!" their coach yelled, sticking his head around the academy entrance doorpost. "That means you, Dalton!"

Charlie raised his middle finger as the coach pulled back inside the building.

Half an hour later, the trio fled towards the town, making more than one head spin around upon spotting the fine-looking, carefree, sun-glazed tribute to youthfulness they embodied.

Charlie flicked the bottom of his pack of cigarettes, and one of them popped out. He then tossed it in the air, following its twirls, and caught it on the fly between his lips. A girl passing by stared at him dreamily.

"Any idea?"

"What about a watch?" Knox offered, and the other two approved.

"I'll let myself be inspired and get something on my own" Neil added.

Walking in search of a jewelry store, they chatted about everything and anything until Neil asked the question.

"So, how was it yesterday?"

Noticing the lack of response, a pensive Charlie raised his eyes towards his friend and saw his eyebrows going up and down mischievously in his own direction. He gave a half-smile and, quite oddly, averted his gaze, staring at the pavement.

"Wait a minute" Knox exclaimed. He himself was still waiting for Charlie to find the right moment and spill the beans about the previous evening. "That's not the right smile. That's not the right smile at all."

Neil frowned.

"Yeah, you're not gloating, how come?"

Charlie blew out a puff of smoke and kept his mouth shut.

"What did you do?" Knox urged.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? What do you mean nothing?"

"Nothing" Charlie repeated.

"No way" Knox uttered. "You didn't score with her?"

The two boys were stunned. Charlie Dalton missing the opportunity to get laid? That was history. And what about that odd behavior? They had never seen him so bashful.

"I didn't" Charlie confirmed. "But it's okay, we had a wonderful time together."

He smiled remembering the warmth of their hug under the blanket, their kisses, her tale, the awareness of something developing in his soul. Everything had been perfect, really. But still…

The other two blinked in bafflement.

"No" Neil objected.

"What do you mean no?"

"No" he insisted. "It's not okay. I mean, it's okay if you didn't, but you're not okay. Is he, Knox?"

The called-up boy narrowed his eyes, studying his friend.

"What's wrong, Char?"

Charlie fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Is she okay? Was it her decision or yours?"

For a moment, Charlie considered telling them to cut it out – 'cause where the hell is it written that we should have done it at all costs?! – but thought twice. It was such a consequently obvious thought on their part, he would act the same way in their shoes. Man, he would nag them to death in his wonderfully foulmouthed way. Not to mention that, above all, they were his two best friends. His brothers by heart. That was why he resignedly shook his head.

"We didn't really talk about it. We were making out and she said we'd better stop. That's it."

Knox and Neil looked at each other.

"And…?"

Charlie sighed, clearly in conflict with himself.

"Oh, God, is she a virgin?!" Neil goggled.

"Oh, come on Neil, that's impossible. No offense, Char, I mean…"

"I know what you mean" Charlie murmured, lowering his stare.

"Yeah, that's… Oh." Knox seemed to grasp something. "You know what I mean because you thought the same."

Charlie cringed, wishing the ground would swallow him up. Neil furrowed his brow again.

"Sorry guys, care to elaborate?"

Knox cast a glance at the anguished boy, but Charlie seemed caught up in his personal drama. He cleared his throat.

"He was sure she had already done it because she's older and emancipated, so he was expecting her to… Er… Go straight to the point. And he's kinda upset because… Uh… She didn't" Knox quietly explained, feeling a bit sorry. Charlie grimaced upon hearing it out loud.

Neil took a breath, pondering.

"Well, it's a normal thought. Don't feel guilty for that."

"I feel crappy for that, Neil" Charlie retorted. "It's like…"

"No, no" Neil cut him off, perfectly knowing what he was getting at with that. "Don't say it. It's not like you offended her or thought ill of her, okay? You just drew a deduction and thought accordingly."

"Yeah, but still… She's not forced to do it, even if it's not something new for her. I shouldn't have thought such a horrible thing about her. I shouldn't have had expectations, on wrong assumptions to boot. I shouldn't have taken her for granted. We are still building this… Thing we have, and she is free to put that off."

"Of course. Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you really had a great time anyway" Neil comforted him. But Knox still looked unconvinced. He had known him for a lifetime. He could read his mind as if it was an open book, and something was definitely odd.

"There's more, isn't there?" he asked. "It's not just that. That's not enough hellish to explain your mood."

Neil looked at his usually confident friend, his face suffused with worry. Charlie took one last drag, threw his cigarette in a trash can nearby and tucked his hands into his pockets, staring at the pavement. Damn Knox, Neil and their lifelong friendship. He took a deep breath, but kept silent.

"C'mon, Nuwanda, it's just the three of us. You know you can talk" Neil encouraged him. "Don't be ashamed, whatever happened."

"Whatever thought is racing through his head" Knox corrected, meaningfully. "Nothing happened. It's just him."

Charlie rubbed his face with his hand, and seemed to make up his mind.

"What if…" He cleared his throat. "What if she doesn't want to do it because she sees me as a child?"

His voice had been so low he could have said nothing at all. It had been clearly hard for him to confess such a private thought. The open book became a crystal surface, and Knox felt his heart clench, suddenly understanding what his best friend was thinking. He was afraid he was a time-killer. He was afraid he wasn't up to her. He was afraid his feelings weren't reciprocated. Once again in his life, he was frightened to be rejected and seen as something inferior, inadequate, unworthy. Once again in his life, his buried part – that part he struggled to keep hidden from everyone, including himself – was leaking out. There it was where the potential problem of the age difference with his ladylove could lie, there it was where the risk of heartbreak could lurk. But, with parents like his, it was no wonder Charlie was attracted to older women or to any charismatic adult who could teach him something without judging him – like Mr. Keating, for instance.

"Nonsense" Neil was the first to respond. "She likes you, pal, she really does. I'd bank on that."

"Me too. I'm sure there's another reason."

"Yeah, she's probably waiting for the perfect occasion."

Charlie swallowed, nodding to please them. Bullshit, he thought anyway. The occasion was more than perfect. And the whole atmosphere was leading there, so… Why?

"Yeah, you know… Flowers, candles… Women love this kind of stuff."

But she was like no other…

"Maybe she didn't want to do such a thing in a school, with eyes and ears everywhere."

But she didn't care about others…

"There can be tons of reasons, don't sweat it."

"Maybe she just thinks it's too early."

Well… He hadn't thought about that.

"I guess you're right" he murmured doubtfully.

"You can always show her you're not a child at all" Neil teased him, hitting him on the shoulder with his own. Charlie gave a crooked smile and feebly agreed, just to let the conversation steer towards other topics.

After a quick trip to a fancy jewelry store where they chose a high-class watch for Todd, they entered an emporium full of books and stationery, browsing the shelves absentmindedly. Neil found a collection of poetry by Walt Whitman and a completely blank book, so he purchased both, adding a classy fountain pen. He would write something on the first page later. They bought sodas on their way back and had a great time, chatting and laughing, but Charlie's mind kept being stuck on the same single thought. His best friends were probably right about the timing, yet still he couldn't help but think that, compared to her, he was a child indeed. And she was fully aware of that.