Brief note: Matthew's response to a certain part of this may be slightly unrealistic for the time, however it hurts me to see Mary's experience invalidated (you will understand), and I felt like I could justify it with Isobel being his mother. Thank you :)
Continued...
"Or maybe I should start listening..."
Matthew voiced his only thought when he saw Mary crying, he made her cry and couldn't bear it.
Mary was lost for words, should she just start explaining, and if she did would he despise her?
Impulsively, she moved to start clearing the papers as fast as she could, anything to avoid his eyes. She was sure if he looked at her like that again she would tell him everything.
"Mary, stop, you don't have to do that. Why did Sybil say I needed to listen?"
He tried to get through to her but it was useless, she had already wiped away the tears and was closing herself off from him.
He made the decision to take her wrist, he tried to be careful, absolutely not wanting to hurt her or force her, but he had to know what he was missing.
"Mary, what is it? Sybil seems determined that there is something I should know. Oh, now I think about it there was something you almost said, I may have been a little overwrought..."
"Matthew I can't, if I told you, you would despise me, and that I really could not bear"
She freed her wrist and walked over to face one of the bookshelves, so she could compose herself.
"Is it why you never answered my proposal? I never would, never could despise you, whatever it is I would much rather know than believe you only wanted to marry me for my position"
Matthew pleaded, only realising at that moment that he had been incredibly judgemental. Of course Mary would have some other reason, hiding behind the negative assumptions people tended to make of her.
"Matthew...I can't, I wouldn't know where to begin..."
They were now standing inches apart, Matthew hadn't even noticed how close he had gotten in his pursuit for the truth. He should have backed away, but he could think of nothing other than the distance between them. Mary felt it too, the invisible string which connected them, pulling them closer with every breath.
Their eyes finally met, Matthew could see a deep guilt in her eyes and Mary could see a concerned longing in his. It was just like the moment when he first proposed, tense as they tried and failed to stay apart. Finally, they gave in and kissed, Matthew's hands instinctively supporting her back and pulling her closer, Mary's hands reaching for his face as they collided.
Months of tension dissipated instantly as they relaxed into each other's embrace, enjoying a moment of reprieve from the constant on/off nature of their relationship. They had almost forgotten the love and attraction they felt for each other deep down, the cause of this mess but also what brought them together in that moment, and what a moment it was.
Mary reached into Matthew's hair and felt the softness of it compared to the increasing intensity of the kiss. They came up for air intermittently, but always went back to feel the warmth and passion of their kiss. A few wavy tendrils of hair had fallen from Mary's perfectly styled hair as they got carried away, Matthew reached for her waist but Mary pulled away suddenly, hitting the bookshelf behind her as she reacted instinctively to his touch.
"I'm sorry, that was too far, are you hurt?"
Matthew asked tentatively, trying to show through his eyes that he had made a mistake, but she refused to meet his gaze.
"No, I am fine. But we can't go any further...I can't...never mind"
Mary almost confessed again, why was this so difficult? She cared about him far too much to face his disappointment, if anything the kiss may have made it worse as she realised how much she needed him.
"Please Mary, I wouldn't want to force you to tell me anything, but whatever it is, it is clearly hurting you, hurting us. I cannot bear to see you so upset"
He took her hands in his one at a time and squeezed them encouragingly, giving her that look she couldn't resist.
She takes a breath before answering, wary that it may be the last time he gives her that look, but begins to confess all the same since she can't see a way out, unless she breaks the window...she almost smiles at that thought.
"Do you remember when the Turkish diplomat Mr Pamuk came to stay?"
She asked the obvious, but it was an easy starting point.
"Of course, I think anyone would remember such a shocking event, but go on"
They had decided to sit and Matthew made sure he was listening intently, Sybil's words echoing in his mind.
"Well, he kissed me after he had asked me about a painting and asked to come to my room, I told him no but he found it anyway. I threatened to scream when he came in but he said I would be ruined either way, he was absolutely insistent and I suppose I was lacking in willpower to stop him, so I gave in. And then he died...it was so sudden and I couldn't think of anything but to ask Mama and Anna to help me get him back to his room. So there you are...I am disgraced, you do not need to reply, just ask Sybil to let us out now I have told you"
Mary was calm but downtrodden, on the verge of tears but hiding it well.
"Mary, I...I am so sorry, I cannot believe you have kept this for so long..."
"Don't look at me, just go, I cannot bear your disappointment"
She pushed his hand away and turned to face the bookshelves.
Matthew gently reached to turn her face back towards his, he did not know how to get through to her. How could she believe he would judge her for this? What a cruel world they lived in.
"Mary, please listen to me, how could I ever despise you for what you have been through. It is not even my place to judge you had you not been cruelly forced by a wicked man, I certainly do not feel so bad about his sudden death now"
Matthew felt a strange mixture of protectiveness over his beloved Mary, as well as a red mist against the man who had hurt her and the world who had judged her.
"No, Matthew, I was weak and foolish, taken in by a handsome smile. I deserve my punishment"
A tear escaped to her dismay.
Matthew brushed it away and embraced her, he may be too stubborn for his own good, but his mother had taught him well when it came to how people should be treated, especially when it came to hurt that society overlooked and blamed the victims for.
"Mary Josephine Crawley, that man had no right to force you into anything, to threaten you with ruin! You may have flirted with him, but you also made it clear that you did not want him in your room. Honestly Mary I would kill him myself if he were still alive! Does Sybil know?"
He was firm to make sure she believed him, and also genuinely curious.
"I don't think so, I never told her but she knew there was something I was hiding, clearly!"
Mary couldn't really believe what she was hearing, all she had heard before this was that she was damaged goods and should not have encouraged him or been so weak as to give in, but she trusted Matthew that he genuinely did not blame her. After processing this somewhat, she began to light up again in his warmth and even joke about their situation.
"I understand why you did not want to tell me, I am sure your mother was against it. I feel so thick-headed now for my assumptions, I am so sorry Mary, can you forgive me?"
"Of course, I understand why you made such assumptions when I couldn't tell you the real reason. I am not sure I could recall the number of times I almost accepted, but I was determined not to catch you in a lie"
Mary beamed with relief, an enormous weight had been lifted and Matthew Crawley loved her!
"Now we are all clear, does that mean I can kiss you?"
"Absolutely, but we cannot go any further, I am not looking to be ruined twice thank you very much"
Matthew had an idea just as he was about to kiss her again.
"Perhaps I can help minimise the risk...might you reconsider my proposal?"
They were inches apart again, but Mary couldn't help wanting to do it properly.
"You must say it properly. I won't answer unless you kneel down and everything!"
Neither of them could remember ever being happier than those exact moments of anticipation as Matthew got down on his knee, taking her hands and giving her that look before asking...
"Lady Mary Crawley, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"
"Yes!"
He rose again and held her by the waist, they kissed with passion and hope, lavishing in the excitement of their love, now free to share their true feelings with each other.
Matthew picked her up and they spun around before coming back down to Earth and kissing one last time, this time a long, sweet kiss which filled both their hearts.
But then, their attention was drawn to a sound from outside the door, a small squeal, followed by a hush and some murmuring.
They looked at each other with wide grins and burst into laughter, blushing at the thought they had been listened to, although they should have expected it.
"Sybil Cora Crawley, let us out of this room this instant!"
Mary was firm but not angry, already overwhelmingly drunk on the happiness Matthew was filling her with just from his gentle embrace.
They walked to the door, holding hands as they couldn't bear to be parted now, and sighed as the door finally swung open to reveal a beaming Sybil and embarrassed Anna.
"Goodness, I am so happy for you two! My plan worked perfectly!"
"I suppose we do owe you a thank you for sorting us our darling, thank you"
Mary embraced her sister, not able to stay mad at her for long, especially since the end result was more than worth her scheming.
"Mary, it has just occurred to me that I have not asked your father's permission for your hand. I know it is a formality but we definitely cannot announce it before I get permission!"
"Oh yes darling, why don't you find him now, we will follow you in a moment"
Mary took her sister's arm and reassured her beloved maid with a smile, naturally beaming herself in disbelief.
The garden party
"Cousin Robert, may I have a word?"
Matthew caught him as he was just finishing talking to Cora.
"Of course my boy, and please call me Robert, I think we are past formalities"
"I have a question to ask you..."
"Excuse me m'lord, please forgive the intrusion but a telegram had just arrived for you"
He was interrupted by Carson, anxious to continue he waited for Robert to open it. However, Robert's face dropped to a concerned frown almost immediately, something must be wrong, suddenly he was striding right to the middle of the party, Matthew's concern grew.
"My Lords, ladies and gentlemen, can I ask for silence? Because I very much regret to announce...that we are at war with Germany"
Matthew's face froze in shock and he turned towards the Abbey. He saw Mary, Sybil and Anna in the same state of shock, he caught Mary's eye.
They shared the same thought: how on Earth were they going to manage this now and what would it mean for them?