AN: ZShaq, my ma–...My br–...Yeah! Everyone else wasted their reviews on fucking happy birthday messages – (thank you all so very much, it was very nice and made me smile) – when they had that gem of a reference right fucking there! Here, a leftover Cyber Cookie Cake slice.

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

This Is Madness

It was just on the cusp of sunset when a portal swirled into existence onto the bark of a tree that led to the back door of The Lzebub – it was basically Bee's, but she was weird about her 'Baby Bro' moving out – Mansion, from which a certain Foxfiend and his Hellhound girlfriend walked out.

"This is fucking humiliating." Naruto grumbled as his girlfriend led him along with a leash on his collar. Why was she doing that? For two reasons.

The first, as he was told, was to make sure he didn't go off and get himself killed. The nerve, thinking he ran off to get himself killed – before anyone says anything, that one time with Sasuke didn't fucking count! That was a pointless murder by his former best friend who was being groomed by a psychopathic pedophile that killed their grandfather figure! – he only ran off into danger if it meant he might get a good fight out of it-er, no, wait, if he could help people! Yeah! That's what he meant.

The second – and more practical reason – was because he had a thick white cone strapped around his head that blocked his line of sight. Hence, his statement on humiliation. He also didn't appreciate the 'Amusement' and the sharp tang of Pride that filtered into his girlfriend's Vibes when she first saw him wearing this stupid cone of shame. Where was the sympathy for her 'Doof', huh?!

"That's what you get."

"Can I take this stupid fucking thing off–?"

"Doc said to leave it on for until we got you home." She tugged on the leash. "C'mon, Doof. Everyone gets their time with the walk of shame."

"I didn't put you through this shit." He grumbled and crossed his arms. The leash went taut and he felt himself get yanked around to his left. A small clawed hand pressed on his chest to steady him before it pulled back and whapped the side of the cone. His hands shot up to steady it while he winced from the echo it created. "Gah, Loon, what the fu–?!"

"I got drunk off of high-grade medical alcohol. I didn't get stabbed deep enough to require surgery to fix the damage because my biology healed me too fucking fast," she growled. Alright, she had him there. Ow! That jab didn't feel necessary. "Before you go and do something stupid like think I'm being a bitch for no reason; I had to find out fromBee that you spent the night in the fucking hospital!"

"I was fine! You had other things going on, besides it was the fucking doctor who made a big deal out of it–!" He choked on his words as she tugged on his leash and grabbed his collar to pull his head down. Ow, ow, this is an awkward angle – oh, hey Loona eyes! Oh...Those are angry Loona eyes. Not the fun fuck me angry ones either.

Shit, he fucked up somehow.

"Naruto, you got fucking stabbed so deep you had to get surgery so that the damage didn't heal wrong." She growled. Yeah, she just said that, what was the big deal? He lived, didn't he? He winced when she tugged at the cone and he had to bend at an even more awkward angle. "And now you have to wear this stupid shit, so I can't even get a fucking Boop to calm down until it's off. If you'd fucking told me you were in the hospital, I'd have dumped Blitzø on the Fatty and Millie, so that I could come be with you!"

"...I thought you liked Millie?" Fat-er, Moxxie wasn't liked much on either of their ends. He'd have gotten through to Striker if that little idiot had waited two more minutes, he was sure of it.

"Not the point that you should be taking from this conversation." Loona growled again. She huffed and released the cone. He quickly adjusted his posture because, um, ow, and let himself be led along. "Never mind. C'mon, once that thing comes off, you can show me where we're staying."

"What?" He furrowed his brows, not that anyone could see it, and she sighed.

"Our Stay-Cation starts today."

"...Our?" Naruto felt his tail wriggle and perked up. She didn't answer and kept walking, and her spicy vibes started to bleed away to more bitter than sweet ones. Okay, no. He didn't mean to make her sad. He hurried his pace and reached out with a swipe of his claw, once, twi– bingo!

"Naruto." She growled as he tucked her into his side with his arm over her shoulders. He whined at her and she growled again, but relented and remained in the one-armed embrace. Her bitter Vibes were still there, but the sweet ones started to rise up and match them. His tail kept going wild.

"I lo–"

"Save it until the cone comes off." ...Alright, fair. That was only two or so seconds away if they got into the house without any – The door flung open and the sweet honey smell Bee had suddenly filled his nostrils.

"Baby B–!...Pfft!"

His tail stopped wriggling and bristled. He felt his shoulders tense while his ears turned flat within the cone.

"Bee, don't laugh." He growled. If anyone would have sympathy for his state, you'd think his loving and oftentimes mischievous as he was older sister would prioritize his health over the comical appearance he had. ...Wait, hold on, something about that sentence didn't sound right. Oh, yeah, she was as mischievous as he was. Three...Two...One...

Sure enough, Bee laughed. Right on cue, too. He growled and pushed past her into the kitchen. He needed to find a fucking knife and get rid of this stupid thing.

"Oh fuck, that's hysterical!" Bee wheezed from behind him. "Hoo, tell me you've got pictures of that, Pretty Pup!"

"Before," Loona said with a pause. She must be showing the pictures off. Dammit. "And after."

"Oh, fuck yes! Unholy shit, I am getting these fuckers framed!" Bee guffawed. "Oh, send me those, I need to send them to Oz."

"I hate you both." Naruto grumbled without heat as he felt around for the knife block. Why not just use his claws? Because some twisted fucker figured out how to make durable and malleable cones that Bee couldn't break. ...He bet it was the Short King Wannabe, twisted as he was. Now, where was that fucking knife block? There's the stove, the sink, the second stove, the fridge – aha! The countertop! All he had to find now was the –

"Yip!" He gagged and stumbled back toward Loona as she tugged on the leash. "Gack, Loon!"

"Doof, what are you doing?"

"Getting a knife to get this fucking thing off of my neck."

There was a long silence. He didn't like that there was a long silence. It meant they were judging his intelligence, probably as a united front. He didn't need that! He knew that he was an idiot sometimes, but come on! He just wants the fucking cone off!

"Doof." Loona muttered again. Her feet padded across the ground and she fiddled with the cone at the base of his neck. What was sh–? Oh. There was a latch. Ha-ha! Freedom! He shook his head out and glared at the un-coned cone in his girlfriend's claws. His lip curled at it for all of three seconds before there was a click as the leash on his collar was undone, and his muzzle was cupped by gentle claws. They turned his eyes away to the pretty gaze of his girlfriend and guided him into a Boop.

Ahh, the blissful peace that was the euphoria of a Boop. Loona's scent spiked with her Vibes and her lips teased against his. Mm-hm, yep, can confirm: Loona kisses were the best kisses after being trapped in a boop-less hell. His claws found her sexy, curvy hips while hers smoothed over his cheeks, grazed his spots and twined in his hair. Her tail made a gentle swoosh whereas his wriggled like there was no tomorrow. All that remained was a brief huff of her Vibes and – ahh, yeah, that's the good shit.

...Wait. What the fuck is that? There was a different F.B.N. Vibe in the air. Not sweet like Loona's vanilla F.B.N. Vibe, but definitely sweet. Kind of like ...Honey? ...Why was Bee giving off the F.B.N. Vibe? The question had him pull out of the kiss and look at his sister.

She was watching them with a wide grin on her face, two of her hands were clutched together under her chin while the other two were hugging herself around her sides.

"I fucking love when you two do that. It's so fuckin' cute." Bee admitted. The hands wrapped around her sides lifted up to clap along with the ones she had under her chin. "Thanks for those free Vibes, Baby Bro. And I know I said you're on Stay-Cation, but there are going to be rules for it!"

"Are you fucking serious?" He deadpanned. Bee's smile became a little more...feral. An ominous shiver went up his spine. The fuck was–? He shook the thought off and focused on Bee as she spoke.

"Dead ass serious. Rule One: Baby Bro, need to get back to rent payment." He opened his mouth to argue when she held a finger up. "Consider that the favor for not killing Pretty Pup's mediocre Hound-Dad. On that note: you should've just let me eat him that first time, Pretty Pup."

"I think I'll live without that memory, thanks." Loona deadpanned. Naruto grunted and turned to keep her tucked in his side while he watched Bee. He wasn't overly fond of how her eyes tracked Loona. Like she was a...challenger. Fuckin' weird.

"Mm...Anyway, rule number two." Bee held up the number on her lower right hand. "You guys are mandated to show up at any party I throw."

"I presume that the next one is–?" He started only for his sister to beam again.

"Tonight, duh! Best get the cleaning crew out!"

Naruto grimaced. He's down to clown around most of the time, but his Gluttony cycled around things other than partying, so doing that right after being told he'd have downtime was...not ideal. Not to mention the migraine he'll probably have after the clones are dispelled. Ugh.

"Any rooms I should avoid?"

"My work room, obv. Um, Tex is napping in the master...oh, and your old bedroom–"

"I'm sorry, 'Old'?" Naruto repeated. Bee grinned and grabbed his wrist.

"Yeah! You've been out of the house for, like, three months, Baby Bro! I redecorated and moved your stuff, c'mon!"

Naruto was jerked along, again, and given where his arm was over her shoulder, Loona consequently came with. Bee rushed them through the main hall – the disco ball was new, he preferred the giant lava lamp tower she had – and up the west wing stairs to a bedroom suite at the end of the right hallway. Okay...quick check, and yeah, all of his stuff was here...Except for one thing.

"Bee...Where's Jim?"

"Jim?" Loona repeated with a look from the corner of her eyes.

"Jim...Jim..." Bee tapped her chin and Naruto closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"The cactus, Bee. The cactus I've taken care of for eight years? The cactus I had on my windowsill for eight years?" She blinked at him and he rubbed his face. "The plant that had a sticky note on it that said 'Not for Guacamole'?"

"Not fo–...Oh, yeah! That thing. Yeah, it died. Like, a month ago."

"Bu– Fu– How?! I just fed him, he should've been fine for another fucking month!" Naruto groaned into his hands. He dragged them down his muzzle and sighed. "Never mind, it's fine. It's fine. I'll just...swing by the Garden sometime this week and dig up another one..."

"The Garden? You mean, where those Grey Stags are?" Loona asked, her tail did its cute little tip wag. Well, that wasn't part of his plan, but now he was definitely taking her hunting again.

"Ooh, Stags, yes. Just tell me when – not tonight, obviously...Maybe...I'll sit on it." Bee shrugged. She grinned and fluttered around the room. "So, other than the dead flower–"

"Cactus." Naruto grumbled and went over to the modest entertainment center he had set up in his room.

His forty-eight inch flatscreen was now wall-mounted above a stand with a few unfamiliar game systems and corresponding games – Mamio Casket Twenty-Three was new, probably another re-release – aligned next to the movie collection he had, and set across from a small leather couch that was lined up with his supersized 'Whoopee Cushion' BelleBag. It was the Bellebag he collapsed back-first into without any hesitation. The fart-like sound it let out as he sank in was like music to his ears. He sighed and let his head flop back. It was just as comfortable as he left it. Smelt a bit like Bee's honey for some reason, but he chalked it up to her moving all of his stuff without his okay.

"–I grabbed everything and moved you down here! That way if we get Spicy with each other, we can have a bit of distance to cool off." Bee finished as if he didn't say anything. She grinned at Loona. "Alright, Pretty Pup, you need to swing back to your place to get your stuff?"

"I've got it." Loona hummed as she messed with her phone. She frowned. "Doof, what's the Lu-Fi password?"

"Glutton's Gloryhole, there's a zero where the 'o's are supposed to be." He said. Then lifted his head to glare at Bee. "Unless you decided to change that. Again."

"I learned after the last time you had a Naru Nap not to mess with any of that without telling you...So, you just have those clothes and your phone? Traveling light?" Bee asked, tilting her head. She was doing that stare thing again, the stare thing she reserved for challengers, the stare thing that was starting to get on his fucking nerves because he didn't understand why she was giving that stare to his girlfriend.

"No, it's in a subspace." Loona hummed as she walked into the room and made a full-circle with her phone's camera light on. "I'll unpack in a minute."

"Uh, why?" Bee crossed her arms. "I haven't gotten you to your room yet."

"...I thought I was staying with Naruto?" Loona looked back at Bee with a confused furrow of her brow.

"...Right!" Bee groaned into a hand. "Ugh, duh. Sorry, yeah, of course! Totally slipped my mind that you'd do that…"

Naruto squinted at his sister and sat up. Something was up. Bee was never this scatterbrained on a party night. During a party, maybe, and outside of one when she had to 'work' sure, but not when she was in host mode before a party.

"Hey, Bee, let's go talk real quick about where you want the cleaning crew to start." He said as he got up from his seat and grabbed his sister's arm to pull her along. Not an odd thing he did, they were and always have been touchy-feely since he started staying with her, but what was odd was how her Vibes sweetened and soured. Super fucking weird. He grinned at his girlfriend as she went back to recording the interior of his room. "Be right back, Loon."

"Whatever." She waved him off and collapsed on the bed. Her ears went up and she immediately sat up to glare at him. "The fuck are we doing at hotel rooms when you have a bed like this?!"

"Right?! It's so fuckin' soft–"

"Bee, we're talking. Loon, just hold that thought for a sec, babe." Naruto grinned at her before he hauled Bee into the hallway and shut his new room's door. He crossed his arms and glared at his sister. "...Okay, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Gluttony, when defined, could be mistaken as an offshoot of greed. It was, actually, the inverse. Greed was a byproduct of Gluttony, for where Gluttony causes one to indulge and enjoy the things one had, victims of Greed made one horde and starved for more of that horde, to increase the horde regardless of its content. After all, it was possible for a human to be a greedy eater and a gluttonous profiteer, but it was because of Humans that distinctions between the two Sins cleared: The Greedy hoarded, and the Gluttonous splurged. Occasionally, the blurred lines tended to affect the sins' associated Daemonic Princes in strange ways.

That being said, Bee knew that she tended to get hyper protective of a few specific Hell Pups and Hounds.

For example: There was an entire year way back in the start of Hell, that she did nothing but eat her feelings after the first Hound she created – hers and Cerberus' joint gift to Lucifer upon his cementing of Hell's Throne – had died of natural causes and the life expectancy of Hellhounds was finally given a number: a measly little two-hundred, whereas Imps and the other Sins' creations could last well into twice that. She only stopped wallowing after Lilith came around to talk to her; the fact that she and Cerberus shared their first date that night probably also helped.

More recently of an example was the raising and nurturing of her Baby Bro. Back before she knew he was a lost soul from the start of Hell, he was a crimson crystal in the shape of an oblong egg. She found it almost seven millennia ago while exploring her Ring in search of good Vibes. If she followed her gut instinct to eat it...she was almost afraid to think of what would have happened. She didn't and five-thousand, five hundred years passed before it paid off and she got the cute little brother she never knew she always wanted.

He was such a little shit sometimes, but looking at how he turned out now – not to mention how more successful he was compared to Charlie; she loved the girl like a daughter, but rehabilitating souls was just not fucking happening anytime soon – Bee felt like she did good. The stressful times she had to deal with while he was stuck in Naru Naps notwithstanding.

However, since his twentieth Nap, coinciding with what she was told by Belphagor was his fifteenth birthday, something changed in her Baby Bro. He became more free-spirited, more angry, and more prone to violent outbursts...Her poor kitchen suffered quite terribly when he woke up and found out Cerberus left. She found herself having to put him back in line more often, reminding him that she was the Sin or the 'Big Sis' or the layer of the law across the entire Ring.

Thankfully, the outbursts were kept to personal spats, most of it involved his training with that shit that the Fuckwad left inside of him.

Bee just fucking hated that Fuckwad.

Mephistopheles. A Demon that predated the rule of Lucifer, that was said to be the King or God of Magicians, and was as powerful as any Sin – if not more so. When she found that red-headed fucker hovering over her Baby Bro while he was in the midst of his Twentieth Nap, under the guise of 'helping an old friend', she may have lost her cool. When he started using the strange energy shit that the Fuckwad put inside of him during his training, he would exhaust himself to a state that made him look like he was on Death's Doorstep.

Belphagor told her in private after one such training session that it was a finite energy source and was recovered by siphoning his Life Force. Not Demonic Energy, not his Magical Core, his fucking Life Force, a.k.a., his fucking soul – yeah, believe it or not, Demons have souls, they're just not connected to God the same way Human Souls are – and life can't exist without a soul. His unique clones, a trick he developed when he was younger, didn't seem to affect the soul, so that was fine. As was the spinning orb thing he did. They and any other weird ninja trick just tapped into a weird blend of Demonic and Magical energy. It was when he said he needed to train, alone, that she knew he wanted to use that shit that Fuckwad put inside him.

Bee liked to be able to keep an eye on him, to ensure he didn't go and get himself killed by accident, so she would refuse. They would argue, they would fight, but she would win.

So, it was for the past ten years. In those ten years, Naruto grew into a lean, witty and powerful demon she was fucking proud to call a member of her House, let alone her brother. But, along with her pride, the Sin of Gluttony saw something else. A male: virile, young, and strong. He was cute and kept himself in shape despite being able to match her in any contest of consumption. Brother or not, Bee knew she was attracted to him.

For a time, she figured he wasn't really into others, and would tease him about hounds that were trying to get his attention. He would shrug it off with a joke or laugh, like he was just humoring her whenever she teased him. Until the one day he came home with a fucking library's worth of porn and pinup magazines. It wasn't until that day, the day that Bee met her 'Baby Sis' that she realized he wasn't Aro-Ace: He was just that dense. His hyperfocus on training also didn't work in his favor.

Okay, so, he was doomed to die a virgin, then, was her next thought, and the growing "Glustony" Bee felt for him dimmed out to a low simmer. It would flare now and then, and when it did, she teased him and he'd shrug it off, but she would ignore it otherwise. Then he met his Pretty Pup; he found a partner, as she did, with her Hounds. A partner that was just as cute and alluring to her as he was. Okay, fine, sure, that was...Bee didn't know the Vibe, but she didn't like it. She could live with it...

And then he beat her in a fight. The rest, as they say, is history. Which leads Bee to her current predicament.

"Okay, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Baby Bro glared at her with his arms crossed. Did he get taller? Fuck. They were almost at eye level.

"Me?" Bee arched a brow. She planted her hands on her hips and back. "Nothing's wrong with me, Baby Bro."

"You keep glaring at Loona like she's challenging you."

...Shit, did she? Fuck, fuck, fuck, that was bad. That was very, very bad. She needed to reign in her Glustony before it started a fight. Maybe she could just tell Baby Bro–Yeah, he'd get it. Baby Bro was pretty understanding, as far as demons went.

"Well? You gonna answer me sometime today or should I just go back to get grilled by my girlfriend?"

Right, she needed to answer. Understanding, Baby Bro could be, but patient? Eh, he and Bee were alike in that regard. As in, they didn't have a lot to give.

"I want to fuck her. And you. Together. I want a threesome with you two."

"...I..." Naruto blinked and opened and closed his mouth. He rubbed his face while his Vibes tried to figure out how to react. "Hang...Bee. What the actual fuck?!"

"What?" Bee crossed her arms. "I've offered to fuck you, like, three hundred times. She's hot, you're hot, and I'm hot. And horny. It's just a fuck. Why is this surprising to you?"

"Th-That – I – You jus–... I thought those were jokes!"

"...Oh, Baby Bro..." She cupped his face with three hands and smiled down at him. He growled at her and she laughed. Her fourth hand traced over his stomach. "You're so fuckin' adorable sometimes."

"Get. Off."

"Yeah, that's the whole fucking point. I want to."

"You–" He closed his eyes. "Bee. This? Not okay."

"Very good, proud of your speaking skills." Bee grinned as she leaned in to get more whiffs of his scents and Vibes–

"Party Foul!" He snarled and she backed away. A constant growl emitted from his throat as his hackles rose and he glared at her with a raised claw. Whatever he was going to say, he thought twice about it before his finger lowered. "...Go fuck Vortex, Bee. I'm not...This is not something I'm talking about with you."

"Right now?" Her ears drooped.

"Ever." Naruto deadpanned. She whined and he growled. "No! Just– fucking no! This is not a negotiation!"

"Baby Bro, it's just sex–"

"Not to me!" He growled. He closed his eyes and turned to the door. His hand wrapped around the handle to his door and his tail lashed. He hesitated before he looked at her again. "Bee, I love you. I do. But... you're my sister, okay?"

"Not by blood." Bee grumbled as she crossed all four of her arms. She hated admitting that. Hated it hated it hated it! He was her Baby Bro, she raised him and loved him and cuddled him, he was hers.

"I'd thought that you would have known this by now, but blood doesn't fucking matter to me!" He snapped and she winced. He snarled and closed his eyes. His Vibes had settled on salty and spicy. Oof, this wasn't good, maybe she could talk him into a lighter– He huffed and growled under his breath before she could speak. "Look, I dunno if this is a Sin thing or a you thing, and frankly, I don't give a shit. I'm not...It's not happening, Bee."

"What-what if we just take turns with Pretty–?"

Glowing white eyes glared into hers and Bee found herself frozen by instinctual indecision. Did she take this as a challenge and glare back or allow herself to be aroused by it and submit? Fuck, she should get him to back down, but shit the fact he was making her back down was making her so wet–!

"If you even try to fucking finish that sentence..." He stopped and closed his eyes again. "No. I'm...I'm done. I just got through dealing with the fucking Douchifer's bullshit for the past month. I got stabbed and I've had surgery. I'm going to go back to my room to hang out with my girlfriend now until the fucking party. Go...I dunno, go do some work, or go fuck Tex, I don't fucking care. Just...Just leave me alone."

With that, he disappeared back into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

As she walked away, her wings drooped and Bee couldn't help but feel like she might've fucked everything up.

AN: Ugh, today...just fucking today...

An appointment I had made last week got given to someone else without ANY alert from the company the appointment was with about the 'rescheduling issue'.

Not the fuck now, Steve. I will commit a felony on your person if you try and crack wise now.

Thankfully, this chapter was more of an arc setup...

Remember, it's just Fucking Fan-Fiction.