TRIGGER AND STEAM WARNING!
Author's Note: Again more steam between Nathan and Maggie. Also more talk of abuse.
Chapter 12 – Pain and Pleasure
By the time that Nathan and Maggie were done eating, people started to arrive. Carson lit the fire while Nathan grabbed his guitar. As the group were enjoying themselves, several neighbors wandered over and asked to join. They made room for everyone. It was the first time many of them learned both their Constable and doctor played guitar. Most had learned that both had a great voice from listening to them at church. The group as a whole had a wonderful time. So much so that they thought that they needed to do it more often. Lee even suggested that they build a pit in the field across from the houses, so no one would be burdened with hosting. They could take turns bringing wood. Everyone agreed that it was a good idea. Abigail said she would talk to the council, but they had her tentative approval.
As the group was breaking up since it was after nine, Nathan invited Carson to come in so he could wipe his guitar down before leaving. Once inside, Nathan set his guitar on the table and Carson took a seat and grabbed the table. Nathan walked over to the tall hutch and leaned on it for a moment. Then he opened the top shelf and pulled out a bottle of Bushmills Irish whiskey and two glasses. Nathan poured them each two fingers. He set the bottle on the side table and picked up the glasses. He set one in front of Carson just as he was finishing with the guitars. Nathan took the other for himself.
Before either man could say anything, Maggie came in. She saw the whiskey and knew one or both men needed to talk.
"Thank you, for coming Dr Shepherd." Maggie said.
"Please call me Carson. While I know that I may be a doctor, I also hope we can be friends."
"Okay." Maggie said. "Not something I am used to, but I will try."
"I know that things are different back in the city." Carson said. "I trained in Kingston and worked in Cape Fullerton before eventually finding my way here. With it being a small town, it is a different dynamic."
Maggie nodded.
"The fire is out." Maggie said. "I will leave you two to speak. Good night, Carson."
Maggie gave Nathan a quick kiss.
"I will wait up." Maggie whispered.
"Thank you." Nathan whispered back.
She nodded to Carson and then went upstairs.
"Everything okay?" Carson asked.
Nathan swirled his drink for a bit and then sat back in his chair. He wasn't sure how to say what was on his mind.
"I can't stop thinking about what you told me this afternoon." Nathan said. "It had caused me to think of things that I thought I had long buried. I don't know how to deal with the feelings that these memories bring up. I don't want to be the person I was back then. I was so angry back then. I had to push all that down and away when I joined the academy. I guess hearing about the situation that you talked about without talking about brought it all back up. I have done everything in my power this evening to push those feelings away again."
"Did something happen to you when you were younger?"
Nathan shrugged as he picked up his glass and swirled it before taking a slow sip.
"Not exactly. More my sister."
"Please talk to me. I don't know if I can actually help, but maybe talking about it will help you feel better."
Nathan nodded. He took a deep breath and slowly blew it out.
"Colleen's husband, Allie's father, was not a nice man."
"As I have gathered from our conversations over the years."
"I have never shared this with another person, not even my Mountie superiors know this. The only other person who knows what happened is my mother. We have never told Allie and we have no intention of doing so. She doesn't need to know these details."
Nathan leaned forward and played with his glass, rolling between his hands before he took a long gulp. Nathan set the glass on the table and leaned forward again, hanging his head.
Carson put his hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Please talk to me."
"I didn't know this when Colleen and Dylan got married or I never would have allowed it to happen. I would have killed him first."
Carson continued to give Nathan support.
"Did Dylan do something to Colleen?"
Nathan nodded.
"Before they were married?"
Nathan nodded again."
"How old was she?"
"Sixteen and he was twenty."
"Did they get married because Colleen was pregnant?"
Nathan nodded.
Carson was starting to piece things together.
"When did Colleen tell you?"
"After Allie was born."
"And how old was she at this time?"
"Seventeen. She said she hoped and prayed that she would have a little boy because she didn't trust Dylan if she had a little girl. She was so scared when Allie was born. Dylan had taken off a few weeks before. Mom and I delivered Allie and were lucky that there were no problems."
"How old were you?"
"Seventeen."
"You and Colleen were twins."
Nathan nodded.
"This is making a lot more sense. Did Dylan ever hurt Colleen again?"
"I don't know. So much happened in those four years. Colleen swore that Dylan had changed, but I didn't believe her. I could hear the pain in her voice when we spoke. I left for the academy shortly after Allie was born. Dylan came back a month later. I know that my mother and him had words. She warned Dylan that if he ever hurt Colleen or Allie, she would end him. I don't know exactly what was said, but I know my mother meant business. She made sure Dylan was never alone with Allie in the four years before Colleen's death. Not that he was around much."
Carson sat back and it was his turn to swirl his drink. Nathan sat back and looked at his friend. Carson could see the pain on Nathan's face and the storm in his eyes.
"How did Colleen die?"
Nathan picked up the last of his drink and reached for the bottle to pour another one.
"No." Carson said. "If you have to drink to get through it, please, you don't have to tell me."
Nathan leaned forward and put his head in his hands.
"I can't. I just can't." Nathan muttered.
"Did Dylan kill Colleen?"
"Not directly."
"Okay." Carson said. "Let's table this discussion for tonight. I can see the pain that this is causing you. I also know that you have enough respect for your profession to break the law, so whatever you are thinking just put those thoughts out of your head."
Nathan looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"A few bottles of whiskey, a criminal does not make. I also suspect these might have been bought long before the laws changed."
Nathan shrugged his shoulders.
"Anyway." Carson said. "I suggest you talk to Frank or Joseph, because I have a feeling that you are carrying a huge burden because you feel that you failed to protect your sister. I am sure that Frank and Joseph would agree with me when I say that is not your burden to carry. You weren't there and you have been wonderful in caring for Allie after her mother's death."
"Thank you." Nathan said.
"I told you I would always be there for you to talk about anything under doctor/patient confidentiality. I also understand that like you there aren't many people I can confide in. Which is why our conversations go both ways. I will suggest that you can talk to Frank and/or Joseph. They won't say anything. I have reached out and spoken to Frank about things over the years. He is a great listener. I will always be here to listen to you, but I think you might benefit more from a conversation with one of them."
"Yes, I have spoken to Frank a few times since he returned this summer. I haven't even shared a fraction of what I have told you with Bill. I want to be more open, but my past has taught me that I need to be careful who I can trust."
"Make sure you are sharing with Maggie. As you share more with her and become more comfortable being the real you, I think it will be easier for you to share things with others. You don't have to share your deepest things with anyone other than Maggie, but even little things like tonight letting people know that you play guitar or a few weeks back when we heard you sing in church. Sharing the real you that I think you have kept hidden for so long will go a long way to making you feel better. Maggie loves the real you. I think that writing like you did let you be real with her and that is who she connected with. So continue to be that man for her."
Nathan nodded.
"Good." Carson said.
He then finished his drink, put the glass in the sink and patted his friend on the back."
"Take it easy." Carson said. "Go love your wife. Tomorrow will be busy and I suspect we will both have plenty to keep us busy this coming week, but please make time to check in with me. I worry about you."
"Thank you." Nathan said. "I will."
"Good." Carson said. "Maybe this week we can sit and figure out what to do about my nephew, Zack."
"Okay." Nathan said.
Carson picked up his guitar and left the Grant house. Nathan sat there for a moment, he had forgotten about that with all the craziness that had happened. Nathan took a moment to take a deep breath, locked up the downstairs and then headed upstairs to his wife.
… … … …
Maggie got upstairs and got ready for bed. She sat at the vanity and wrote a bit in her journal. She then prayed for her husband and his friend downstairs. When she was done, she took the new silk pajamas that her aunt had sent and put them in the water closet for him. She then turned down the bed and sat reading while she waited. At the last minute, she decided to also put on something new from her aunt. She pulled out the black lace camisole and the matching panties. She still couldn't believe that her aunt would have something like that made for her, but smiled as she thought of Nathan's face when he saw it. She quickly changed and realized that it was even more skimpy than it first appeared because the camisole was pretty short on her tall frame, not even covering her butt. She chose a robe to have wrapped around her until she heard Nathan.
Finally she heard Nathan come up the steps and head to the water closet to wash up before bed. He walked into the room with his pajama pants hung low on his hips and the top completely unbuttoned. He was rubbing his left shoulder.
"Come lay down." Maggie said. "I will rub your back and shoulders."
At the sound of her voice, Nathan looked up and inhaled sharply.
"This woman is going to be the death of me." Nathan muttered to himself with a smile.
Nathan slipped his top back off and went over to the bed. He stopped to give his wife a quick kiss before he laid down. After adjusting himself so he was more comfortable, Maggie moved to straddle Nathan, essentially sitting on his low back/butt so that she could rub his shoulders and back.
"Did you have a nice talk with Carson?" Maggie asked as she started to rub Nathan's back.
"Mmm." Nathan said. "I guess. It was harder than I thought to talk to him about it."
As Maggie worked out a knot in Nathan's shoulder he moaned because it felt good.
"I am not going to push you to talk to me about things." Maggie said. "I know that there are some things that a man needs to talk to another man about, just as there are things that women feel more comfortable talking to other women about. I just want to remind you that I am here to listen anytime."
"I know." Nathan said. "But Carson had spoken to me about a patient that needed help this afternoon when I had gone into town and then as I thought about the situation, it brought up some old memories. It was what else it brought up that I needed to talk to him about. I don't like to think about the person I was at that time and I knew that Carson would understand."
"Do you want to share?" Maggie asked.
"It was about Colleen and Dylan." Nathan said. "So not really. I have told you a little about how Dylan was not a good husband or father. Let's just say he was a whole lot worse than I have ever shared. Part of the reason that I have never shared is because I don't want anything to accidentally get back to Allie. While she understands that her father was not the best man, she doesn't understand the lengths that her mother, grandmother and I went to protect her."
"How old were you when Colleen got married?" Maggie asked. "I have already done the math and figured out you were seventeen when Allie was born."
"Colleen got pregnant at sixteen and married at seventeen." Nathan said.
"So Allie came first." Maggie said.
"Sort of." Nathan said. "Colleen was about four and half months pregnant with Allie when they got married. Colleen was so convinced that she was in love with Dylan, even though she was seventeen and he was almost twenty-one. I think part of it was because he was the first guy to really pay her attention and tell her he loved her, even though he treated her horribly."
"I am sorry." Maggie said. "We don't need to talk about this. I can feel you tensing up again and this was meant to be relaxing."
"Thank you." Nathan said. "I promise I will answer all your questions about Dylan at some point, but it will have to be when I can guarantee that Allie won't accidentally overhear. The same with what happened to Colleen."
"That is fine." Maggie said. "That might be something we can discuss one night while we are in Union City."
"Okay." Nathan said.
Maggie continued to rub Nathan's arms, shoulders and back. She was working on his low back and Nathan was moaning and sighing with relief. He couldn't believe how good it felt to have Maggie massaging his muscles. However, he was getting incredibly aroused and the pressure he was starting to feel was getting uncomfortable laying on his stomach.
… … … …(Steam Alert)… … … …
"Why don't you roll over and let me finish." Maggie said.
Nathan blushed because his excitement would be very apparent the moment he turned over. Silk pajamas and no underwear would not hide what he was feeling. After Maggie moved, Nathan slowly rolled over and Maggie noticed right away. Maggie pulled on the drawstring of his pants. Nathan lifted his hips so Maggie could slide his pajama pants down and as she did, she brushed his manhood which brought a hiss from Nathan. Maggie giggled as it bounced when she pulled his pants down. Nathan closed his eyes and leaned back.
Maggie removed her own panties before once again straddling Nathan. She rubbed his chest and abdomen as his manhood bounced and twitched against her with each movement. She was watching Nathan and saw him lean his head back, arching his neck and bringing his hips up. Maggie knew that he was getting close. She rose up over him and with his eyes still closed, Nathan helped to guide her down on him. As she came down on Nathan he moaned and gave a little shudder. Maggie settled with Nathan fully inside her. She rocked her hips a couple of times before she felt Nathan arch up under her, moan and shudder. She continued her motion as she was close to falling over her own edge. As she continued to get closer to the edge, she pushed Nathan further into the abyss. She felt him shudder again and then a third time as she fell over the cliff herself.
As she came down from the excitement, she grabbed a washcloth to clean Nathan up a little. That simple act brought another moan from Nathan and before he could help himself he came once again as Maggie was trying to clean him up. Once she was done, Maggie laid down next to Nathan. She went to put her hand on his chest and he hissed like he was in pain.
"Please don't touch me right now." Nathan croaked. "I feel like my whole body is on fire."
"Sorry." Maggie said.
"It is fine." Nathan said. "Just give me a few minutes."
Maggie curled up next to Nathan and closed her eyes. Later she would end up using Nathan's chest as a pillow. Nathan didn't move the entire night. It took a long time for his body to calm down after Maggie had driven him so far past anything before. Nathan fell asleep, still feeling like he couldn't even move.