Title: Crack Collection

Summary: Collection of crack shorts.

Love Meter

Witnessing the Queen and King bicker over their dismal love ratings was both amusing and pitiful. With how dismissive and hateful these two were, it was a miracle that Julius existed.

Not wanting to waste more time, I decided to remove the King from the platform and placate Mylene.

"Look, can we shelve this argument for now? With the Principality's approach, we should prioritize finding a pair capable of activating the ship," I said as I put a hand on the King's shoulder.

"Of course, you're right," Mylene said with sigh, exhausted from dealing with the man child.

Roland just swatted my hand off his shoulder and walked off the platform.

The moment he stepped off, the machine turned on again. Huh, that was odd. Did either Livia or Angie step on the platform to take advantage of the situation? Looking at the other platform, I saw that Mylene had yet to step off.

Wait... Mylene was from Repart. So how did the machine activate with no one from the founder bloodlines on the panels. This stray thought was, of course, just my mind desperately trying to avoid the reality that my love for Mylene was about to be publicly rated. Not that proclaiming my love for Mylene was anything new, but the numeric measurement made it far more daunting.

"A mutual score of 83 for each! So close! Make the final push!" the voice sounded.

"No!" three voices sounded in the background.

I didn't bother turning as I was too busy staring at Mylene who was a vibrant red. I stupidly pointed to my face.

Mylene did a cute bonk on her head while sticking out her tongue. It screamed teehee.

"Male score is 90! Buh buh! Don't fret! She hasn't friend-zoned you yet!"

"Fweh?" Mylene reacted at my sudden score shift.

"Female score is 84! One more point!"

"Mother! No!" Julius said as he, Livia, and Angie tackled me off the platform. Well, Livia and Angie had been faster to tackle me. Julius was a step too slow.

"Love meter: Male 80, Female 60. Tough break."

"Mother, why?!"

And Holfort fell because they wouldn't let the Queen shack up with a boy her son's age. The son would go on to curse his mother for trying to sleep with his mortal enemy.

Truck-kun

As the villainess frantically looked about the room in hopes of finding a champion, an ominous feeling swept through the room. It was as if the floor itself vibrated. No, it wasn't just a feeling. The floor was rumbling.

Soon everyone turned to the source of the vibrations. Crowds of people began to step aside from the far end of the room. The movement indicated something was approaching.

From the background, a hulking figure came forth as the volunteer for the villainess. My eyes widened in shock. It wasn't because of the differences from the main plot. It was because the thing that came forward wasn't even human. It wasn't an elf or beastman either.

A Japanese truck pulled up. A white Suzuki more specifically. It was painted in such a way that the rear side looked to be the school uniform.

"Truck-kun," I said in quiet shock.

"Honk!" the instrument of death sounded.

The following dialogue has been translated from Truck to English for reader understanding.

How did I get into this situation? I was going along my usual routine and hitting unsuspecting Japanese teenage virgins. The virgin part was an important criteria since I needed to send heroes that were pure of heart. Did not want my boss complaining to me again about how my chosen hero couldn't slay another lich lord because he quote-on-quote couldn't unfuck that girl.

I still say that incident was not my fault regardless of what Black-Company-kun and Slippery-Stair-chan said. Seriously, they desperately needed to reword the criteria. Pure of heart was so subjective. If you needed a virgin, then just say virgin goddamn it!

But I digress.

The last thing I could remember was that the newest job required me to find someone extra special. Something about the world being in some dire danger far beyond the normal loser. In fact, multiple agents were put on the case to reincarnate multiple suckers. It was that bad apparently.

Then I found someone who looked fairly nerdy, I accelerated into him, and now I was floating in a starry room.

Oh god no.

How?! I'm a literal truck! How did a squishy meat bag pull the Uno Reverso card on me!

Ugh, the other methods of Isekai selection were never going to let me live this down.

"I see you failed again, Truck-kun," a heavenly voice sounded from above.

"Hi, Mom. Do you know what happened?"

"You hit a Giga-Chad."

"Ah, that would do it."

Stupid bastards were literally immortal and nothing ever went wrong for them.

"Why would you be stupid enough to ever think you could take on a Giga-Chad?"

"Well I didn't know he was one! When you told me to pick someone up exemplary, I just picked the most capable looking guy! In hindsight, that explains why I accidentally picked a Giga-Chad!"

A sigh reverberated throughout the space.

"I suppose I can't blame you too much. However, the timeframe for the connection is closing and we have yet to hit the quota."

Oh, that wasn't good. The last time we failed, it led to a world ending. Whenever that happened, Grandma always raised a stink about it. That was ten years of inconsolable wailing. Couldn't even ignore it since the cries reverberated in the soul.

Mother then continued by saying, "Guess you'll have to go."

"Huh?"

"With you being dead and all, we might as well put you to some use."

"I'm a truck! How the hell are the people of the next world going to take a sentient truck?!"

"Meh, figure it out."

Get Your Game On Extras

I gave a dead stare as I saw my fellow first years look at me with either curiosity, disgust, or excitement (Livia and Angie).

"Welcome to Introductory Dueling Tactics. As many of you likely know, I am Professor (shudder) Leon Fia (shudder) Bartfort. Due to the poor showing of the five, the Kingdom and Academy have saw fit to actually hold classes on this Kingdom's asinine tradition of solving all disputes with a children's card game. How this is the first ever class for this despite it being a core part of your culture is beyond me. Now, I am being punished by being assigned to teach you all how to actually duel. I hate you all for saddling me with this responsibility. Except you two," I said as I pointed to the only friends I had in this godforsaken world. "Everyone else can jump off the island for all I care."

I saw a few students flip me the bird for telling them off. None of them had the balls to challenge me after seeing what I had put the five through.

"Julius! Why in the hell do you still run Bubbleman?! It has shit numbers, its effect is situational, and all its fusions are bad except for Mudballman, which is mediocre at best since there are better ways to get a 3k defensive wall."

"It's a special summon and draw two, Leon!"

"When you have no cards! You've already basically lost if you can actually use its effect!"

"It's a comeback card!"

"That draw two has to be the best goddamn top deck of all top decks for you to be able to come back from nothing, which I highly doubt since you run a hero deck!"

"What's wrong with a hero deck?"

"You play the worst version possible!"

"Stop using Flame Swordsman! There are four star beater monsters with better stats that don't require a fusion! It doesn't even have an effects, and you don't even run support for it!"

"What did you do to him?" Julius asked as he pointed to his foster brother.

Jilk was muttering in the corner of the room with bloodshot eyes. He was holding his head as he rocked back in forth.

"Remember the lesson about setting your monster cards facedown even if they have no effects?"

"Yeah?"

"I also added the lesson about playing normal spells face down."

"Weird, but I still don't see the problem."

"He learned about psyching your opponent out."

"Traps within traps. What if it's just a bluff? It could just be a bluff! Is it an effect or a wall?!" Jilk muttered frantically.

"Shouldn't you just trigger the trap if there is one? I mean, you have to run over them eventually," Julius said.

"Not wrong. Obviously if you can counter or preemptively break the backrow, it matters then. But for most cases, you'd be right to simply rush forward," I mused.

"So why not tell him that?"

"This amuses me."

I stared at the accursed necklace I received after beating the pirate captain in a duel at the request of my party. This was not the Saintess's Necklace. It was the Millenium Necklace.

If I recalled correctly, it was supposed to be the item linked to future sight.

Out of curiosity, I put it on to see if I could see the future. Worst comes to worst, it would probably mind wipe me. A better fate than living in this stupid world.

After using the necklace and not getting mind crushed, I felt myself floating in a void. In front of me, I saw an older naked Angie float towards me and embrace me.

So I was going to marry Angie, or be her lover.

Nice.

"So I hear you are pursuing Lady Angelica," my etiquette teacher said.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Why from the lady herself, though not directly. She seems rather endeared to the fact."

I gaped as the reality that my dream girl was also interested in me.

"Congratulations, Leon."

"Thank you."

"Unfortunately, her father may not be as thrilled, what with your utter and vocal disdain for dueling."

"Let me guess, I'll have to duel him for her hand."

"Not an easy task I can assure you. Unlike the heirs, he's had the time and experience to cultivate his skills. He is known as the Skydragon."

"Thanks for the heads up, Master. I'll be sure to use my best deck."

"Somehow, I feel you don't understand how daunting a task you wish to undertake. Perhaps I could give you a sample of what challenge you will be facing."

"Master?" I asked with some worry.

"Do you doubt my ability?"

"No?"

"Then are you worried?"

"A bit."

"Worry not. It'll be a friendly duel. I'll have to apologize in advance though. We can't play by ante rules since my best card isn't something I can part with lightly."

"What exactly am I going to be dealing with?" I asked worriedly as I pulled out my deck.

"Let's just say I earned the moniker of Winged Dragon. A tad of a misnomer given my deck composition, but I suppose there isn't much I can do about it," he said with a vicious glint in his eyes as he drew five. "I'll give you a handicap and let you decide if you want to go first or second.

"I'll go second," I said hesitantly as I wondered what exactly could be in Master's deck to earn his name.

"Hoh? I would have figured you would have wanted the first turn for a clean setup."

"If the goal is to see what I could potentially be up against, seeing your uninhibited play style might be better in the long run."

"Very well. I'm looking forward to this duel. First, I special summon Joker's Knight by sending one Queen's Knight from my deck to the graveyard. Next, I normal summon King's Knight and trigger his effect that lets me special summon Jack's Knight from my deck. I'll play Greater Polymerization to fusion summon Arcana Knight Joker using my three monsters. Greater Polymerization makes my monster immune to destruction by card effects and gives it piercing damage. I'll set one back-row. I then activate Card of Sanctity, which makes us both draw until we both have six cards in hand."

The turn went on for quite some time since Master essentially was going through half of his deck on the first turn.

As he continued, I was left to my thoughts. I found his use of a knight deck to be fitting. He was also the best player I've seen so far. A 3800 beater with some defense from targeting and destruction, but it wasn't exactly that scary. Arcana Knights weren't particularly competitive. I was more concerned how he got so much use from Card of Sanctity using its anime effect on the first turn.

Oh... he had Ra. It also had the anime effects and not the TCG effects. His moniker suddenly made sense.

Oh... does that mean the Redgrave's had Slifer?

... That was going to be a real uphill duel.

"I play Pot of Greed, into another Pot of Greed, into another Pot of Greed, into Upstart Goblin, into another Upstart Goblin, into..."

Angie just hid her face into her hands as I proceeded to draw my whole deck to assemble Exodia.

Vince looked both amused and pissed off that I resorted to bypassing the challenge completely with my strategy.

"What do you mean there's a ban list now?!"

"Why did you turn the Kingdom's religion into a cult?!" I screamed as Marie and her boy toys stood before me all dressed in white.

"Join the Society of Light, Leon."

AN

Just an assortment of random crack fic ideas that weren't long enough to be their own chapters.

Review Response

HalfMoonSilver80: Uh, Leon can't solo the Principality. Immortal monsters are immortal. He needs Olivia to be in a relationship with one of the five, and he is under the assumption that it has to be one of the five because the game implies one of the heirs bloodline is required. To the idea of preemptively removing the threat, there is the possibility of the nuclear option, which means the Principality just says fuck it and sets off the immortal monsters anyways and the Kingdom is doomed anyways. If you argue for why he didn't think to steal the flute, Luxion didn't even think of it.

As for red flags, hate to break it to you but the guys actually have none as far as Leon knows considering they are supposed to represent what women desire. If anything, Leon sees Olivia as the red flag since she literally is supposed to be willing to break political engagements. Him shipping her with Brad is the least damaging since Stephanie is the red flag.

As for second heroine, there is none for the first game. Angelica is the villainess in a game that likely only shows her negative points.

TLDR, Leon is doing nothing wrong with the information he has. Any attempts to divert the plot by preemptively striking the Principality is needlessly reckless. Him throwing Olivia at Brad is morally right and the smartest decision. The boys don't exhibit the red flags, but the girls have many of their own.

Fire: I am fully aware of it. Funny thing, my max charisma idea was because I read the battle maniac fic.

Monkey D. Conan: Sounds like my Full Reset (11) fic, but with everyone coming from bad endings.

WC93: Sounds like my Full Reset (11) fic, but with the boys coming back as well.

Pembaca Sampah: Maybe I'm not up to date with my slang but doesn't turbo lesbian mean that Olivia only interest would be to sleep with as many women as possible. So dumping Angelica would be totally in line with that characterization? As for implausibility of Olivia not claiming Angelica, consider the fact that this is a fanfic such a discrepancy with canon is meant to generate more interesting content. The separation could lead to further drama and content depending on whether a future writer wants to go for only a single pairing, have Olivia fold, destiny forcing Angelica and Leon together without her, etc.

Rebiele: Yeah, kinda sucks that it's only a two-shot. It has the potential to be a long fic. I think the author grossly underestimates how interesting the fic could be. But as an author, I understand the sentiment of not wanting to continue a fic. Still wish they could continue it.

I feel AOT might not work as well due to the whole sky islands thing and mech as vs titans being kind of weird. Probably requires a lot of work to make it mesh well.

daimahou: I currently playing with an idea for a second chapter. Let's just say that Olivia's more psycho tendencies might make an appearance.

Phlebiac: Olivia is aware. She is also aware that Leon can come around. The proper manner in which she fixes the misconception is not obvious but to her however.