Chapter 62: In Other Words, I Love You

One more grave was placed among the multitude of names that Yui Ikari was recognized in. The man she came to love in life had finally relinquished all the will to live. Outside observers could come to their own conclusions but only a select few were capable of comprehending how difficult his life was up to his death.

Shinji knew he could not even begin to comprehend just how complex his father's line of thinking was. He would never have a chance to comprehend this line of thinking for himself. In the life he had embraced he knew there was no going back but he could not help feeling sorrow for those who could not be there with him.

He knelt down in front of the grave marker introducing, "This is your chance to meet him in person."

Misato carried Shinobu while standing behind Shinji. Meeting her former commanding officer and father-in-law was not an experience she was anxious for. The fact he would not be able to speak in response was the only comfort she had standing in front of such a reminder.

Misato tightened her hold of Shinobu, reminding, "We're only here because he's not with us anymore Shinji. This is the only reason I'm not making this harder for you."

"Was grandpa a bad man?"

The young voice immediately changed Misato's disdain to a sense of concern. She had more than just herself to be worried about now. Her son was still reliant on her nurturing him and serving as an example to look up to.

Trying her best to remain composed, Misato explained as simply as she could, "I... didn't like him..."

It was not easy for Shinji to accept where he was even with a happier life than he thought he could have had. Many had to die in order for him to be here and many more were forever changed. He was hardly exempt from all of it now that he had parted from his father once and for all.

Misato knelt next to him while holding back the vitriol she still had. She voiced her understanding, "I won't forgive him any time soon. I still get what you're going through though."

It was hardly what Shinji believed was appropriate in a place of mourning such as this. He also knew it was the least he should have expected from Misato. She was one among countless individuals who were filled with hatred for the man known as Gendo Ikari. A man who proclaimed his purpose to be for defending the human race only to have his own selfish desires and plans revealed for the world to judge.

Shinji was thankful that few were willing to go through the trouble of defacing or destroying a simple grave marker. Among the remnants of humanity, there would be no one else who would visit Gendo's grave or remember him fondly. It was not a pleasant concept to imagine, not even when he was forced to make his ultimate denial years ago, but it was not a reality he could run from.

"Why are we visiting him daddy?"

Shinobu had simple deduction skills but he was able to come to a firm conclusion with what he had. His mother showed no remorse and his father had more of a committal attitude than anything resembling sorrow. It should have meant that no one would want to visit this place or provide any sense of respect for this man who caused so much anguish for people.

Trying to find a way to explain this to someone who had experienced so little life made Shinji answer, "We're all here because of him. Things would be different if it wasn't for him."

Misato let out a sigh agreeing, "Everything... For us... All the good things he did were not what he tried to do. He didn't think about others but he let everything happen."

This confession earned further confusion from Shinobu as he asked, "Why did I have to come from a bad person?"

Shinji realized what sort of anxiety was growing in his son answering, "Your mother wasn't fond of her father either. She never had a chance to know him that well though. I guess neither did I."

Misato added, "Even when we hate them, knowing we came from them doesn't make it hurt any less. Your father is just trying to live with himself is all."

Seeing both of his parents adopt such a somber view made Shinobu appeal, "I'd miss you if you were gone."

Misato never imagined hearing a voice so innocent would make her question everything she said. It was not so different from hearing Shinji try to earn her approval not so many years ago. Now she had a new responsibility she had to uphold. One that she failed before but had a new chance to make up for.

This dedication was voiced by Misato as she promised, "I know. I'm going to try and make sure that's the case for me and your father."

Shinobu was not so assured by this answer, making him ask, "Would I miss you if you were bad?"

Shinji stood up from the grave marker before turning to his son to answer, "It would be because you saw something good in us. That's why you would miss me or your mother."

One final question was brought forth from Shinobu's understanding, making him ask, "If grandpa was bad, why do you miss him?"

Answering questions to a child was not as easy as anyone could imagine. They were always so clear cut and to the point they did not allow for any deviation. Trying to add nuance to anything only made it harder for them to appreciate what they were being told.

This was not the first experience Shinji had in comprehending how to handle children. The experience of being in his son's place was still fresh in his own mind at his age. Even so, witnessing his son learn to speak and comprehend the world he was born into was a firm reminder of what sort of responsibilities he had to beat.

It made the premise of answering for his father's actions and what he almost did to the human race that much more daunting to face. Gendo Ikari was not about to be remembered as a respectable man by many, if anyone. Being the descendant of such a despised individual would carry connotations for the continued stretch of human history. This struggle was something both Shinji and Misato knew they would have to accept if they were going to continue living among the human race anymore.

Prepared to face whatever the long-term consequences would be for explaining this, Shinji reasoned, "He lived the way he thought was right. Everything he did was for what he thought was his own good."

Such an answer earned a pause from Misato and Shinobu as they tried to comprehend Shinji's answer. The boy who had tried for so long to earn the approval of his father only to see him be the worst kind of individual the human race could imagine should not have earned this sort of appraisal. Many could even argue he should not have even been able to make a living for himself in the first place.

Shinji heard this sort of protest from his son as soon as Shinobu reasoned, "He shouldn't have been bad if he tried to be good."

It was Misato's turn to answer for her disdain of the man who would be the center of the hatred of the human race by reasoning, "He didn't see others the same way we do. A lot of times he didn't even care. What your father is saying is that he mostly didn't know how else he should act."

Still desperate to comprehend how he could still see his own parents as worthwhile people, Shinobu determined the most rational explanation was, "Then that must mean his mommy and daddy were bad."

He was so deep into the rationale and both Shinji and Misato had less ground they felt they could work with. Neither of them could say they knew anything about the upbringing of Gendo Ikari. Knowing where he came from very well could have been the answer to everything but it also could have made understanding him even more complicated than the situation already was. It was both a strength and a weakness they could rely upon in trying to assure Shinobu of his place in the world.

Such a complex series of thoughts made Shinji attempt to simplify this for his son by telling him, "There's a lot of things I'll never get to know about him. The best thing we can do is try to make sure we don't do the same things he did."

Misato was still not happy with how Shinji was trying to answer for his father's actions but knew she would have to go along with this by adding, "I want to make sure you don't end up the same way."

The questions Shinobu had did not yield the satisfactory answers he was hoping for but they left a crucial impression on him. Both his mother and father did not want him to have a future where he would be hated after he was gone. It was not even a fate he wanted when he was alive.

He made this his great commitment by telling Misato, "I promise I'll always be good mommy."

Shinji patted Shinobu on the head assuring, "We'll be there to make sure you do. I just hope wherever your grandpa is now, he can see what you'll become one day."

Other than that harrowing visit to the cemetery, Shinobu could say he had another day as a four-year-old that Shinji could not claim to have lived. He never believed it was possible for him to have a son who would simply look back on a day as important as this one without fear for the future, but it was what he found himself inheriting. Shinobu was born to a young father, but Shinji felt the need to ensure that the life of his son would be better than his or Gendo's.

Watching him fall asleep in his room, Misato turned to Shinji, reminding, "You know you can't just reduce his life down to that so simply."

Shinji immediately came to conclude what Misato was referring to. There were many people he had to explain the actions of his father to. It would not be an easy task even if he could discern every detail of Gendo Ikari's life with absolute certainty. Few who demanded such answers were children, most of whom could comprehend things on a surface level.

He shut the door before telling Misato, "I know. I'll face that day when we get there."

Hearing him with a sense of confidence that he seldom displayed before filled Misato with a sense of assurance she was denied for a long time. Bringing life into the world was not a proposition she imagined she would be asked to participate in, but she wanted to make sure it was with someone she could give her full trust to. That man was right beside her and prepared to face the terror that would come from such hardships.

She voiced this enthusiasm by taking Shinji by the arm commenting, "It's nice to think we have many years ahead of us. Maybe we do have a lot to look forward to."

Tightening the embrace Misato gave him, Shinji agreed, "That's what I want to make sure of."

There were many things Misato knew she would not be able to understand no matter how close she came to others. The medical jargon she was being asked to keep track of was difficult enough, but having it weigh on her mind after coming home from her husband's requested visit was another matter entirely. Being in such a dilemma made her determine there was much about herself she did not fully comprehend after so much struggling.

She had some relief when it came to receiving assistance from someone she once considered a close friend. All of the achievements she made beforehand and proving to be an asset for buying Takeshi and his men the time they needed to make their way to Rei's cell and Gendo's room on that fateful day was the only way Misato could imagine Ritsuko managed to still be under the care of her organization. As far as she could tell, this was only a brief picture of what it was like to live a day in her new life and what she would be facing until her last days.

Misato could think of many ways she would have found a way to tease Ritsuko's professional demeanor in days past only to now struggle even looking her in the eye. Once a dear friend, she found herself on shaky terms with her for how initially circuitous her long-term plan seemed and how conflicted of an individual she had become. A brief review of the situation made her realize what sort of parallel she was living alongside Shinji even if her circumstances could arguably be considered more favorable for everyone involved. Ritsuko had an ending where she was able to live with some sense of normalcy and contributing to society but now under circumstances where she was watched very closely.

Desperate to break the awkward silence between them, Misato told Ritsuko, "I need to get going soon. You know I have a son to take care of."

Ritsuko continued to click at her keyboard while reminding, "You wanted to make sure you would have the optimal findings. You still give me things to discover every visit."

Sighing in admission of her curiosity, Misato accepted, "I'm probably a nice guinea pig for you to prod every few months. I just don't like staying in here any longer than I have to."

Stepping away from her computer, Ritsuko made her way over to Misato with several pieces of paper to report, "The initial results are promising. Just be sure to commit yourself to that new regiment you have made for yourself. That is the only way you will be sure your body remains in optimal condition.

Misato could not say she was displeased to hear that progress had been made to living a better lifestyle after all she went through. At the same time, she realized she realized she was being forced to leave behind a part of her she never imagined being without. Such a change seemed to have happened yesterday despite the wistful feeling she had for how she used to live. A brief thought made her wonder if this was the sort of change Shinji was going through now that he was both getting older and more like her.

Reviewing the regiment the two established, Misato asked, "Exercising 30 minutes a day, varied diet of 2,000 calories with liquids in account, drink enough water, 8 hours of sleep, and keep up to date with medication?"

Ritsuko nodded to praise, "You didn't need to be reminded of which part you missed this time."

Despite all hopes to leave, Misato could not help but ask for a simplified explanation, "At the end of the day, this will all be enough to extend how many years I have left right?"

Blunt and prepared as always, Ritsuko provided her with the clearest answer she could divulge, "Optimistically it should. We have only begun to make applications to the human body with the Eva technology. It's a new venue of science we have only begun to explore. You should have known making such grand changes to humanity would never be so simple. It's already a miracle we were able to do so much to save the life of your mother with what little we know."

Resigned she still did not have a firm answer, Misato accepted what fortune she had, "I guess so. I just want to be with my son as long as I can."

Ritsuko pointed out the most obvious concern on Misato's mind, "I know it's for Shinji too."

Receiving such a blunt reminder from Ritsuko made Misato frown and admit, "So maybe that's what I'm trying to make up for. I have to make sure he still wants me or thinks I'm still worth it."

Daring to demonstrate she had some empathy for her situation, Ritsuko placed a hand on her shoulder reminding, "You knew what you were preparing yourself for when you married him. There are some things we might not be able to do much to change."

Misato nodded in acceptance at what future challenges she would be facing, "I guess you still are the best hope humanity has despite everything."

Thinking long and hard about what she could do to assure her old friend, Ritsuko finally managed to assure, "I was in the same situation as you were one time. My best rationale is that I was too caught in the thrill of happiness to care about the future. For all I understand that seems to be why there was always such a condemnation of such relationships as this one. And despite all our efforts, it just seems that love doesn't care about limits we place upon ourselves."

She was not sure if she would be ready to fully forgive Ritsuko for everything, but Misato was pleased to remember there was still support for her in this world before returning her friends gesture and thanked, "You might be on to something."

Life may never be perfect. This was a conclusion Shinji knew he had to live with no matter how he was going to live. Making the best of where he was, however, was simply a way of living he had to adopt. When he saw the people who were in his life, it was not such an intimidating idea.

Kensuke was among these people as he greeted, "Shinji, you made it!"

Turning to see his friend and the others with him, Shinji greeted back, "Just like we planned."

Another welcome sight for Shinji came as Toji appeared. Seeing him stand with ease was a sight that reminded him of what he achieved. How even those who were broken would be able to have a life after hardship.

He waved his cybernetic arm, "We all thought you would be busy. All those women you're taking care of."

Hikari was the next to appear, reminding, "You do know you're going to have about as much time as he does soon."

Toji remembered a key detail that came with that comment before asking, "So little to blow off my friends? I'm not Asuka."

"You never had a chance to compare."

The gathering of friends turned as soon as they heard a familiar voice introduce herself. Just as soon as she was mentioned, Asuka walked up behind Shinji waving. He was not sure how he missed her coming but Shinji was pleased to see another friend close to him made time for them.

He turned to recognize her arrival pointing out, "I thought we weren't going to see much of you again. Your words."

Asuka heard the tease behind Shinji's observation countering, "You're just lucky is all. I have a lot of fan calls I have to keep up with and we might have a few Russians we'll have to deal with in Europe soon. NERV has more responsibilities than you think it does now."

Before there could be any further argument, Hikari announced, "Asuka, we have a table and Shinji managed to find time off from his job. Let's argue there."

Asuka crossed her arms accepting, "Well you do need your support don't you?"

Deciding that arguing further would be pointless, Shinji told her, "Sure, whatever you say."

Gathered around for the special reunion, the friends all had a chance to reflect on what brought them to this moment in time. It was a brief conversation after having gone over the details many times before as new developments began to take precedent. Family life, work schedules, newfound aspirations, the Angel conflict of old was no longer the foremost thing on the minds of the children who survived it.

Hikari decided then to reveal what she had been keeping secret, "And now me and Toji have our first child on the way."

Kensuke, Shinji, and Asuka gave their own respective displays of approval at the news. The young couple did indeed find a way to move forward in life with Toji having endured such a massive physical injury. Even that was still not enough to scare him away from the hardships of life ahead. He had a strength he did not get to demonstrate as much as he felt he should have but his reward for believing in his friends was right next to him.

Toji brought an arm around Hikari pulling her close to him bragging, "It's pretty nice to have a future ahead of us."

Kensuke laughed at the idea, warning, "I don't know man. Sounds like a lot of sleepless nights are in store for you."

Shinji corrected him, "Not as many as you think. That time actually blinks pretty fast, and you won't get a chance to enjoy it again."

Kensuke denied this assurance, reminding, "Unlike you, the rest of us don't have personal maids to take care of our kids."

He knew he had much to explain about having Rei in his household, but Shinji had come to be better prepared for such observations, correcting, "Rei isn't a maid, it's something she likes to do is all."

Asuka turned to Shinji asking, "So that's for real? Wonder girl and your mom in law are keeping your place maintained? No wonder you had it so easy."

He knew he could not completely deny this, but Shinji managed to reason, "Ayanami needed a reason to live and I wanted to make sure she would have one is all."

Toji smirked at the reason before asking, "And Misato's mom to keep you both together, right?"

This suggestion earned a laugh from Shinji as he corrected, "That would have the opposite effect if anything. She just moved in because she said so and I couldn't push her away."

Kensuke laughed, suggesting, "I should draw a doujinshi out of that idea. Bride, groom, maid, and stepmom is a pretty nice working title."

Hikari winced at the suggestion asking, "Aren't you supposed to be studying to become a Senior Technician for NERV?"

Kensuke did not let this stop him as he dismissed, "I can't just study all day. Besides, I have more seniority than most applicants do, I can just coast my way through the training program."

Shinji tried to add another deterrent to Kensuke's idea by asking, "Don't I need to give you the approval for that anyway?"

Kensuke grinned, reminding, "I can always come up with new names. What do you think? How would you like being known as Masato Higuichi?"

Everyone who listened to the exchange did their best to hold back laughing. Years ago, it seemed impossible that any of them could have anything resembling a life without conflict. Even with the extraordinary circumstances that brought them here now in the past.

Shinji thought this would be a sentiment that developed by itself, but Asuka took her chance to chime in, "If Shinji really was living in a harem anime, I would have been in it long ago."

Kensuke took that comment as a suggestion agreeing, "Oh man with so many girls I might as well make a series out of it."

Toji found himself unconcerned with how Hikari would react as he determined, "Kensuke dude, you are going to be so famous when you're done. I don't know how you're going to have the time for all of that."

Hearing this observation made Shinji look for the time as he realized, "I know I probably won't have that much. I better head back to work."

Asuka feigned disappointment at the observation asking, "So you really do have adult responsibilities now huh? And they're more important than us? Never would have thought you were the one to get used to the routine."

Shinji accepted her commentary adding, "Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one doing that in my household."

Realizing their time was limited, Hikari suggested, "Maybe you could have us over for this Christmas and we can have a nice get together?"

Toji leapt at the idea, "Oh man I would love to see Shinobu up and walking now."

Kensuke added, "I might have the first character sketches done by then. It'd be great if you could decide they were pretty enough. I bet your kid might even be a bit less biased."

Even Asuka accepted the idea adding, "I'm here for another week so I can see how you're holding the place together."

What was he able to do? Shinji could not find himself denying the opportunity to continue making memories with those he came to value. Even when it seemed like chaos and uncertainty would find its way into the conversation, he was ready to face it with the people in his life who had become important to him.

He reached for a napkin and wrote on it to invite, "Okay, here's my address. Hope to see you all then."

Hikari hugged Toji in anticipation while he praised, "I can't wait!"

Accepting it was time for him to leave, Kensuke waved his hand in parting, "It will be just like old times. Just like we're supposed to be together."

As soon as Shinji stood up, Asuka warned, "I hope that kid of yours is picking up on your good habits or else we're going to have a serious intervention. You might just convince me to move back here."

Convinced it was her teasing him, Shinji smiled countering, "I think my mom would get along really well with you."

This exchange caused another round of mutual laughter before the gathered defenders of humanity gave a final parting. Their lives demanded they take on adult responsibilities, but it was no longer an experience they could make themselves dread. Even if bad days were ahead of them, the company they had with one another was more than enough to look forward to.

Finally prepared to make his way out, Shinji parted, "It's been great to see you all. I hope you all show up next week."

Toji and Hikari obliged the parting by giving their parting words, "See you Shinji."

Seeing an opportunity for him made Kensuke leap at an opportunity to suggest to Asuka, "Well I always knew this was going to turn out well. So, you got a fan club you need to check up on?"

Asuka immediately recognized where Kensuke was headed with his question before telling him, "Just because we're available doesn't mean we're obligated for each other four-eyes."

Being accused like this made Kensuke wave his hand in submission before observing, "Damn and you're saying I'm supposed to be the desperate one."

Toji sat back in amusement at the display asking, "What do you think about us? How do you think we managed to set such a nice example for everybody?"

Hikari dismissed the achievement Toji thought he made as she corrected, "Everyone has a lot to them. We won't be able to find out everything about them but we will always get to hear the highlights."

After finishing his second shift at work, Shinji had another duty to perform as soon as he left. Making his way to the grocery store, he went through his mind to think of what he would serve for his upcoming guests and immediately got to shopping. It was only a brief detour before making his way back home to the family he established.

Upon opening the door he introduced himself, "I'm home."

"Daddy! Aunt Rei won't listen to me again!"

Smiling at the sight of his son running towards him, Shinji asked, "You aren't complaining about her cooking again are you?"

Before Shinji could hear Shinobu answer, he saw his wife make her way behind his son and scoop him up. Misato had much she had to account for in the house she was living in now and it was not just for the additional people either. Moreover she was still struggling to make sure she could adopt the wifely duties she assigned herself.

She started by apologizing, "Hi Shinji. It's what you think it is." She turned her attention back to her son warning, "Listen young man! You should be glad you aren't being subjected to any of my cooking!"

Shinobu protested this warning, "But I want pork!"

Trying to calm him, Shinji announced, "That's one thing I picked up today. We'll need it for next week."

Misato turned to Shinji, just now noticing the grocery bags he was holding. It was important for him keeping the refrigerator stocked but not to the degree he was about to. If anything it meant he was going to be the one who was cooking soon enough.

She made her way over to him and took a few bags asking, "I take it something special is happening then?"

Shinji followed behind Misato answering, "If dinner's getting started then it should probably be what I tell you all about."

As soon as they made their way to the dining room, Ikuko and Rei were indeed preparing tonight's meal. Gyoza was laid out next to bowls of rice and broccoli mix. If Shinobu's earlier comment was anything to go off of, it was clear they were the vegetarian kind Rei had become accustomed to making.

Ikuko dipped one of her dumplings in soy sauce complementing, "Rei sure found a nice hobby for herself. You did teach her real well Shinji."

Shinobu pouted before biting through one, answering, "They'd be better with meat..."

This comment made Ikuko gently push Shinobu on the back telling him, "Your aunt went through a lot to make this for you squirt, learn to respect your elders."

Shinobu kept himself stable against the table with the dumpling in his mouth. It was not the first time he received such a command even at the age of four years. More importantly he knew he should not push his luck any further with making another comment.

He ate another dumpling before apologizing, "Yes grandma..."

Misato teased her son, warning, "You don't want to be stuck with helping grandma next summer do you? You better finish that plate before me."

This warning became enough to motivate Shinobu to drop his sticks and shovel every dumpling he could into his mouth. Seeing this happen made most of the table laugh at such a reaction. Shinji turned to notice Rei was still focusing on her own plate but did not share the same enthusiasm.

Rei did change a good deal ever since she accepted becoming part of Shinji's household. Not just from the length of her hair but the approach she had towards her family as well. There was still work to be done in integrating her into society, but she was no longer a withdrawn shell of an individual either.

Rei embodied these changes by asking Shinobu, "Would you be more pleased if I did start using meat?"

Shinobu swallowed his food before grasping the basic premise of the question, answering, "Yeah!"

Misato shot down any hope her son had, reminding, "She's not comfortable with red. It's not happening."

Rei dismissed the concern, "If it is for the sake of others I can live with it."

Ikuko grinned observing, "Well that sounds like progress to me. Maybe auntie is starting to get the basic premise of love."

Uninterested in his grandmother's observation, Shinobu pressed, "Does this mean Aunt Rei will start doing it?"

Shinji took hold of the chaos surrounding the conversation by telling his son, "We'll talk about it and see if she can make herself comfortable with it."

Misato turned to him pointing out, "Speaking of which, is there something important you needed to tell us?"

Brought back to the initial observation from his entry, Shinji answered, "Oh yeah. Next week we'll get to host a Christmas party with some of our old friends. Toji, Hikari, Kensuke, and Asuka will be coming."

Ikuko grinned at the idea, proclaiming, "Alright! That will be a nice time! Now all the kids can finally drink!"

Shinji tried to temper the enthusiasm by warning, "Hikari is having a baby, she won't be able to have much, if any."

This news did not provide any enthusiasm for Misato as she asked, "And I suppose that's why we're going to have a bigger food bill aren't we?"

Hearing her tone raised Shinji's sense of concern that made him assure, "I promise I'm staying within our budget."

Misato shook her head, clarifying, "That's not the point, we have more important things to discuss."

Seeing Misato's mood so dour caught Rei's attention before she suggested, "If we are economical enough, we may be able to have food left over to sustain ourselves if our reserve is a concern."

This assurance only made Misato look to Rei explaining, "I know we can trust you to do that. But we have to set down some more serious ground rules going after today."

Rei's attempt to assure Misato being shot down made Shinji ask, "What kind of Misato?"

The genuine interest Shinji had in her concern made Misato sigh before answering, "Just the kind you need to hear first."

Ikuko tried to assert her authority by pointing out, "Just remember that you can't hide anything from me."

This warning made Shinobu plead, "Aunt Rei! Please keep her out of my room!"

Rei acknowledged the request but told him, "There are times where your grandmother assists me with cleaning. I cannot keep her from all areas of the house."

Hearing Shinobu's plea made Ikuko take this as a challenge as she added, "Once I find your stash you'll be in for the spanking of your lifetime!"

"No!"

Ikuko would continue to give Shinobu a hard time despite his age and Rei was still unwilling to take any sides in any argument. Despite everything, this was a pleasant sight for Shinji. It was the sort of family he never thought he deserved to have.

Another difficulty in the relationship was developing. It was one among many that Shinji realized he had to accept as part of his progression through life. Just the fact he and Misato were able to stay together for so long was one accomplishment that would have to stand alongside many more.

He had to keep telling himself that life was not perfect in the slightest. When he looked at Shinobu being teased by his grandmother, he struggled to wonder if it was worth breaking down. His life had come this far and he had already fulfilled his promise of a better life for Shinobu.

It was also a promise he knew he could not say he had accomplished yet. That better life could not be achieved unless he made sure it was kept hold of for the remainder of his life. Remaining dedicated to the woman he married was just one way he knew he could keep the sort of life he now lived.

That dedication was the reason he knew he had to prepare for whatever Misato needed to tell him. Seeing Rei, Ikuko, and Shinobu all comfortably part of a family was the assurance that reminded him of his potential. If it was possible for them, he knew Misato would be just as capable of being consoled.

The news Shinji received in the security of Misato's bedroom made his day end on a high note in a way he did not want to put into words. Misato just discovered today she was about to have her second baby. In 9 months, their daughter Ena would be born as another addition to their closely knit family.

Any sense of concern Shinji had before was lost as he praised, "Misato! That's wonderful!"

No drama, no concern, just undeterred enthusiasm. This sort of reaction was not what Misato imagined would be met with just years ago. Any fear of the future that could be imagined was absent from this announcement. Misato could not decide if this was the preferred outcome she was hoping for.

Shinji noticed this was the case for her before he asked, "Misato?"

Misato clung to her sides, answering, "Sometimes I just can't imagine all of this being real. It just doesn't seem like this sort of life that should be possible."

It was a harsh observation that Shinji understood perfectly. Misato once considered herself to be an average woman even with all of the hardships she was tasked with bearing. Being the center of a storm of difficulties proved to be the breaking point that would change their lives. Even with all that came before, the outcome they lived in was by far worth what they had gone through.

Shinji took hold of both sides of Misato's arms before wording this sentiment, "We made it possible. We had each other all along and I think we're doing good where we are."

Misato felt her lips tremble at the reflection before thinking back, "So much of this is just so surreal Shinji. It doesn't even seem like that long ago how different we were. When you were just a scared little kid with the actual weight of the world on your shoulders."

Memories of such times would follow them both to the end of their days. The lives lost and harsh decisions that had to be made in order to make their lives possible were all part of human history on a scale never imagined before. It took but it was because of the entire weight of that world he was where he was now.

He could also recall how there were so many different ways it could have ended. How it could have been for better or for worse either way. Most importantly the conclusion that made him embrace the life he was now living.

It was a perspective on life he did not hear from many and even wondered if he fully understood it himself. A perfect world would have made this knowledge understandable for everyone, but he could not imagine having what he had now if it was the life he had. What he did know was that the woman he married was just one reason he was living now.

He made this clear by reminding Misato, "I wasn't alone. It just took me a long time to really appreciate who was there for me."

Misato gave a look to Shinji for a brief moment before sniffing and turning away as soon as her eyes began to tear up. So few men in her lives ever managed to say anything as meaningful as the man she married. Some days she even considered him more of an adult than she was.

She tried to muster the authority she once had over him by reminding him, "You were the one who made me start acting like a grownup. And now you're finally at that age. Even now it still feels like I'm watching you grow. Like I'm still your guardian and you that boy who changed my life. I knew what I was getting myself into and I just... I never thought you'd do so much.

"Shinji... you make me so happy. Just the fact you saw me worth holding on to. That us being together is what's given us a reason to live."

At this point Misato knew what she was inviting herself to. She felt Shinji make his way up to her and wrap his arms around her from behind. He placed his hands on hers making their way down to her stomach. Both pairs as a gesture of protection and reverence for their daughter to be.

Shinji tugged Misato closer to him while leaning his chin on Misato's shoulder adding, "And just think. My second kid isn't even born yet."

A/N: Fade to black, roll credits, cue "Rather Be," by Clean Bandit, it's done! Yes folks really, it's done, you've read the last chapter, you can finally say you accomplished it. You can also start praising me or cursing me for having the fortitude to take on such a project as well. Feel free to review with the whole story in its full context.

I'm finally at the point where I can give what should probably be considered the penultimate Author's Note that looks back on everything with more detail than most people might imagine. I really hoped to keep the very first one back in Chapter 1 that way but the previous chapter pretty much undid that. I have a lot of random thoughts and reflections that I felt the need to finally let out there for everyone to read as well.

It took this long to complete and honestly it doesn't even feel like that long ago that I just wrote up the initial 12 chapters in December of 2021 to prepare for updating through all of '22 right after watching Thrice Upon A Time. And that was really just a blip in the greater scheme of things. Through all the years this franchise stuck with me and the introspection it inspired, the scant few times I interacted with the fandom, the many observations, and naturally all the fanfiction I read over the years, I have to say that this actually does feel like a perfect accumulation of everything this franchise did to inspire me to take on such a project.

If that history is what you're curious about, long story short: This story was at minimum 15 years in the making brewing in my head. My first watching Evangelion many years ago exposed me to the Shinji/Misato ship as I read into it from my own conclusions and cemented that I was not a normal human being either. While watching it through Netflix mail-in DVDs back in the day, I also scoured the internet high and low for stories that featured them together.

The fact I was able to find even just a few people out there who to one degree or another saw what I saw effectively sealed my fanboydom for the idea. Now you can say they were also the long list of people who inspired me up to this point as well. It's probably a dangerous thing to suggest I found like-minded people on the Internet, but I can tell you that I never did bring up this idea in real life and I don't plan to do so any time soon.

That being said I was always left unsatisfied trying to find the one fix that checked all of the boxes for me. Some of them hit the notes that I wanted but didn't do all of them in the same story. Pretty sure it's something every fanfic reader goes through at some point or another. Especially if you're talking about a ship as comparably niche as this one.

All these factors made me ponder how I could muster what I deemed to be the definitive Shinji/Misato experience. It took years of reading extracanonical material, developing interest in other franchises, interpretations, fan theories, getting the gist of the characters, studies of the Rebuilds, a lot of scrapping of more bombastic ideas from when I was younger, and probably most importantly actually getting to the bottom of what the story and spirit of Evangelion is really about along with what it really meant to me were all factors that made me consider what I could do to finally craft a fanfic that I could argue I felt was a worthwhile display of what both I and the Eva fandom could create. As you might recall earlier, it was basically Thrice Upon a Time that was the final push I needed to finally push forward and take on the herculean labor I set up for myself.

A big part of it is because of the sort of fanfiction that is usually written. I'm confident most are written from a place of good intent but to one degree or another usually do so with wish fulfilment as the primary objective. Basically, I wanted a fanfic that felt like it could have been an extension of the show in another form. This especially became the case for me when 3.0 came out, the fandom lost its mind for a while, and the reputation of the Rebuilds was left in question.

It was one thing for that movie to surpass End of Evangelion as the bleakest entry in the franchise but to also end it on a cliffhanger with little to no apparent vision for a hopeful ending left a lot of fans wishing for an alternative. Everyone probably knows about the depression Hideaki Anno was going through at the time and it caused the movie to turn out the way it did. I dug the audacity the movie took honestly, it actually felt like a well done darkfic but animated. That being said I was also among the crowd wondering where Hideaki Anno was going with the finale and if he would be able to power through directing another movie after dealing with a new generation of fan backlash.

Also the wait for a follow-up to 3.0 was a high demand to say the least. Having to wait 9 years for a sequel is not something I would wish on anyone. It beats never getting one but that's still a good chunk of life to bank on, and being left to just sit and hope it's worth the wait sure adds insult to injury.

In the meantime you could say I was in a period of pondering and wondering if it was the right time for me to take on this franchise in some way. You might remember a few chapters ago I had the initial idea of what I could have gone. For all I know I might rediscover the idea I originally had and I might tackle that original concept one day but right now that's just another footnote.

Then finally Thrice Upon a Time came out and I had a whole new perspective to work with. People will probably be debating if this movie is what the ending should have been for decades to come just like they did with End of Evangelion. I totally get why it might be the case as well considering the multitude of diverse expectations the fandom is known for holding after all these years. At least here in the United States anyway, I'm not sure if it's any different in the home country of Japan.

What the release of this movie did for me though was make me see just how big and expansive the franchise of Evangelion really was. There's a lot more I can say about that observation, and I will, but it was not enough to make me finally muster the courage necessary to take an actual step into the world of fanfiction. I just didn't know how big of an endeavor I was going to be taking.

I actually did initially think about making a much smaller fic when this started. Basically only 10 chapters or so to replace episodes 22-26 and End of Evangelion. Then my writing style and the sheer scale of what I was getting at made me realize what I was getting into. On top of that it would only make the story 50k words long and probably only a blip on the radar in terms of fanfiction contributions.

So I continued for as long as I did and then this story grew, mutated, got out of hand, depending on how you feel about it, into what you have now. A fic that now changes the original canon into a 52 episode anime. Why did I go for that number? A whole lot of different motivations that made me consider what I should do.

Character interactions, new developments, opportunities to experiment with writing styles, there were all kinds of things that made me justify a longer run. I really prefer having too much of a good thing over having too little of it, so that's probably the core of what made me expand it this much. Now I feel as though I have accomplished that objective and followed the general outline for how anime season usually last as well, most having 13 episode seasons like how the original anime had 2. This one has 4 and you can now determine if it was too much, too little, or just the right amount to get everything across. I for one wouldn't have minded the original being 52 episodes long but I guess that's raising the question of whether or not it could have maintained what made it special as well.

I don't like to demean anybody who writes short fics. It just to me feels like the ones that hit the 100k+ mark generally have something special and realized about them. Especially considering there's only a little more than 300 or so in this particular fandom as of this writing. So yeah, I wanted to try and stand out in some way by creating an epic that might attract attention. I probably won't be the most immediately recognizable one though considering that even up to this word count I haven't written the longest story available.

Now back to the matter of Thrice Upon a Time. To summarize a major conclusion I took from it: Every interpretation is correct. Not just the animated canon, the extracanonical content, or the spinoff mangas, but the fanfictions as well. Evangelion is a story that is not challenged and redefined by interpretations but is rather built upon by the multitude of alternative looks.

This is all the proof we need of Evangelion being a living work: the fact it can through creating such impactful stories, definitely in no small part from cementing itself into public perception through merchandising, the approaches taken to it are all components of living up to its name as a gospel. It really is a key part of what allows it to change with the times while presenting a message that so long as we are all human will need to hear in one way or another.

Happy, sad, whatever the medium might be, every interpretation is another addition to the Golgotha Object. And as of this fic's completion I like to think we're looking into just another view out of the millions that might be seen. As of this year we have nearly 9,500 fics written for alone, crossovers included, so I'd say we only begun to scratch the surface even after all these years.

So yeah, my big rationale for finally deciding to write this fic is the fact that I feel like it's safe to say it really is as canon as any other interpretation. Most importantly that I don't have to see reading all the fanfiction I read over the years as seeking an alternative. Instead it is now a new look from a different perspective that builds on what the original established.

Might be a bit of a tough sell considering this story did take a different overall message. To me it seems like the main animated canon is chiefly concerned with telling people not to lose themselves in escapism. I know some people might argue that me creating an ending that is essentially more "normal," in nature and treats the setting of the anime like it is reality seems to go against the message.

The way I see it, I think of this as more of an add-on to the message as well as an alternate look. Essentially how it is possible to be consumed in the worst way if someone allows themselves to be obsessed with trying to value what might be "reality," over anything else. Probably what's more obvious is the true nature of pursuing reality. How someone capable of achieving what they desire in what might be considered a falsehood can live a more fulfilling existence than the one who is pursuing what could be "real," but at the cost of everyone they might have been able to build a sincere connection with. That, I would argue, is a message that provides a new perspective for those who comprehend what the animated canon was made to tell.

Now for the ultimate question. Did I pull it off? Am I just a jester? One thing I learned about the internet is that what I put out is subject to the judgement of everyone. So with that, this story is definitely not mine in any way or form at this point. It is now up to everyone who reaches this point to be the critic on that aspiration I set up for myself. Not that this story could have ever been mine anyway, this being fanfiction and all.

And believe me, I'm totally happy to receive whatever praise I receive. I'm also ready to accept there are going to be at least some who believe what I put out is totally wrong. Many justifiably so considering the story's couple.

I don't like to sound as though I'm trying to be condescending to anyone who has honest criticisms either. Being an outside observer of the internet for many years made me simply accept that there's going to be many who will have conflicting ideas, just hopefully with the intention of trying to improve on what writers like me try to accomplish. I also think it is important for writers who take up fanfiction to strive for the best they can do especially if they end up going against the norm or whatever the case.

It really is a constant struggle or staying true to the original idea someone might come up with while improving as much as possible. Especially when holding on to conflicting feelings of wanting to do the best you can do but also knowing you aren't going to create a piece that will be appreciated by everyone. I mean if anyone could do something perfect then we wouldn't do anymore of it.

It is a humbling and intimidating perspective if you ask me. You could say I'm communicating these ideas through a way of thinking that is essentially reliant on accepting praise but also prepared to live with the judgement others give that might not be so flattering and learning to derive some sense of appreciation in both cases. All in an attempt to make sense out of what living life is really supposed to be like, knowing that good times and bad times are what define everything we go through. How what we go through and what we scale and determine is subject to our judgement along with answering if it really is worth it all in the end.

That actually was a key philosophical question that awakened in me when I first watched Evangelion a long time ago. In fact it's really what motivated me to come up with this story I might add. They say stories are a way of expressing ideas that we might not even fully comprehend ourselves. I primarily started out knowing that I wanted to write a Shinji/Misato story that would be one for the ages when this started as it motivated me to push further and further by what made me consider what I really valued out of this franchise.

Finally, it made me realize what it made me appreciate to begin with and what I think that most people in general manage to forget when it comes to this anime. How appreciating the bad with the good is an idea that people can comprehend knowing but still might not even be able to put it into action because of who we are as human beings. How trying to get this idea across to people is like a responsibility that feels like it needs to be while also holding on to the idea that there are people who might hear this idea and not be able to appreciate it even if they feel the source material connects with them in some other way. As such it results in communicating in a way that few people might fully appreciate and might even result in me getting bashed for being a totally pretentious weirdo or worse just dismissed without a second thought in contempt for trying to put out too many words without worrying if it makes sense or not.

It makes me consider things like how putting anything out there is essentially going to leave me in a situation where I have to accept what I preach and take the bad with the good while trying to convince myself to find some sense of enjoyment out of it in both situations. My language of masoch if you will... I can be a total wanker for writing something like that can't I?

Probably the most central out of this whole piece though, it's the easiest to conceive reason anyone might have for why fanfictions even exist. I effectively wrote this for the teenage version of me who was hoping to find this fanfic that checked all those boxes long ago. If it did exist at one point, I probably never would have written this, and I would still be going back to that on a regular basis.

So if anything I can now at least live with the idea that at long last the version of myself that wanted a fanfic like this one can finally have one to look back on and call it the story they were searching for. I like to think that maybe this will provide that experience for someone else as well if only because statistically there has to be someone else out there who made similar observations as I did. I have no idea what the consequences might be further down the line, I can only hope that this provides some sense of content for everyone who wanted a story they could look back on and call a memorable experience.

So finally, I want to close out this Author's Note the best way I can. As per that long list of inspirations, I want to give my thanks to the long list of fanfiction authors who inspired me over the years including some I might be forgetting. I'd like to give that thanks to Random1377, GreyWolf 4, S-Michael, KenjiMania/KenArnold1984, Ryoko Blue, A-Z/AZ Mark II, Fifth Horseman, Mister Cynical, Gabriel blessing, Band of Cobras/Arkham Knightmare, Shin-man, and Tormentor488 who all provided me an idea of what this pairing could be like over the years. I don't know if any of you all will ever read this story or even get to this final Author's Note but if you do, I cannot thank you enough for providing the inspiration for me to conceive this story. It's really because of all of you that I ever had an idea of what this sort of story could have been like in the first place. After putting out the fics you made I have no doubt you probably all might have different outlooks looking back on what you wrote, the franchise as a whole, or even the idea of fanfiction but the inspiration you gave was absolutely invaluable and I cannot thank you enough wherever you all might be now.

Most importantly I want to give my thanks to Hideaki Anno himself. For creating such a resonating story with an unforgettable cast of characters that manages to connect with audiences through the ages and will most likely continue for many years into the future be it in the anime or any other medium it takes on many years from now. I have my doubts he'll see this story anywhere, let alone get this far and would probably be infuriated just by reading the first chapter alone.

I can tell for a fact that no one will ever hear his actual thoughts on this story, but I do have nothing but the utmost respect for what he gave us. I don't know if it's possible for me to say any more about this without sounding like a total butt kisser, but I honestly don't know if I can overstate the importance of his role as creator. So with that I can only hope he feels some sense of accomplishment knowing that after working on his franchise for so many years he can look on knowing he achieved the inspiration he set out to create with the original anime and will have a chance to do so for many years to come with the many lives he changed because of his story.

And last but certainly not least, I definitely need to give a big round of thanks to any and all readers who make their way to the end of this story and to this note. Whether you enjoyed it all the way through or felt it fell off at some point, I'm just hoping to have provided a story that's worth commenting on. I'm pretty sure most fanfiction wouldn't exist without feedback or interaction on some level but it really is a great feeling to receive recognition in any way. Especially when what I'm effectively doing is playing in a world someone else set up.

And so ends this epic of mine for good. Orson Welles once said that there were no happy endings, only where you choose to end the story. This is where I chose to end it.

Now you might be wondering, what's next? Believe it or not something is indeed next. I won't be revealing it here but for everyone who's looking forward to it, it will be here in the near future. Here's the one hint I will give: It's going to be a continuation of a fic that people have been waiting for and I actually received permission to do from the author himself.

So with that said, this Author's Note has gone on long enough. I hope at least some people got something out of this rambling. Otherwise I hope to see you all in the next story I do.