I feel somebody nudge me and I immediately smile. I open my eyes and I see my beautiful Suki, already dressed, waking me up. She smiles less enthusiastic than I would hope so.
"Good morning beautiful" I say
"You mean good night. You are going to loose your ship if I let you sleep more" She scolds me playfully. I sit and admire how fast she manages to do her war paint. She looks at me through the mirror and smiles.
"You want some too?" She asks me, lifting the paintbrush. I go towards her and paint my lips red. She tries to get away from me but she is too late, I grab her by the waist and plant a big hard kiss on her cheek.
We both laugh but she still punches my arm, going to the bathroom for a wet towel. I smile and sadly realize that this will be the last time in a year I will be able to be like this with her, it reminds me a lot of the day we broke up the first time, only today we are more sad as is not our decision.
I grab a new pair of clothes and quickly change, Suki looks at me funny and throws me the towel.
"Get a shower! I bet you in the Northern tribe you'll wish you did it back here" She says as she finishes her lips.
I laugh and hug her one las time form the back, smelling her, keeping this memory close to my heart.
"I will miss you" I say, not wanting to look at her. It will remind me this is real. Duty comes first, then health then love. My head goes with her shoulder as she does a deep sigh.
"I will miss you too. We will be together, won't we?" She asks me controlling a lot better her pitch this time. I open my eyes and see hers are closed too. I turn her around and kiss her, a goodbye kiss.
"We will" I say parting away from her. Our eyes saying everything we are too afraid to say. She walks to the door and hesitates to exit it. She does another deep sigh and turns around to smile at me.
"See you at the port, try not to be late or Katara will kill you" Suki says before getting out.
I struggle a bit to move towards the bathroom. Doing all of this slower might help me a bit to get over it. But get over Suki?
I whistle. Ignore it for a while, just like when we traveled saving the world. We will reunite later.
"I will miss you a lot" My fiancé told me as we walked hand in hand. I kissed his cheek for comfort.
"Not for long! I know the time will fly. And you can always come visit for a short time before actually staying" I suggest, he nods and we continue.
"You know, if we are taking this really hard, how do you think Sokka and Suki will deal with this? I had to deliver the news to him and well…it didn't end that well" Aang says while playing with the charm I gave him.
"I'm sure they both will be fine in a few months. Didn't they do the same all this time before they broke her out of prison? I'm sure if her other warriors weren't in jail she would have probably went to them" I say remembering how she just one day appeared with my dad and Sokka.
"Well, yeah. Suki is really independent."
We continue in silence but the doubt is planted. How will Sokka deal with that? He was just starting to get mildly better and now…
"Sweetie"
"Yes?"
"Should we… kind of watch out for them? You could tell me about Suki and I could keep an eye on Sokka. Write how the symptoms are, if they increased or haven't been there." I ask to him, while he only nods.
"Sure, this is a great idea for the study too" He tells me as we reach closer to the docks. My heart flutters for an instant. I am really lucky to have someone as loyal as he is to me.
"Aang" I say more serious, the present getting finally through my head.
"Yes?" He ask me again, a bit more curious.
"I love you" I hug him, staying there until it is time to go. He hugs me back and we do a slow dance. I'm sure in no time the others will come, after all, dancing with him always make me loose track of time.
"I love you too Katara." He says "I'm so proud of you and how you will go back again to the place where they once tried to hold you back."
I can feel my eyes water a little bit, I still remember how I had to fight through everything for them to take me in seriously.
"Your voice really does matter, I'm glad you are using it for a change" He finishes, playing with my hair loopies. I sigh and smile.
"Thank you for your kind words Aang. I wish you a lot of patience, even if you already manage most of the part" I reply winking, he rapidly kisses my cheek.
"You got that right" He says laughing. We continue embraced until our friends meets us and we board, although we are mostly waiting for Suki and Zuko so Toph and my fiancée can go.
"Suki!"
I turn around and see Ty Lee cartwheeling her way towards me. I wait as she arrives and pulls me in a hug, I hug her back, feeling lucky at times of having a machine free hug.
"Are you ready?" I ask her, the first time one is leader of a clan is a tough experience. I'm sure it won't be different for her, but of course she will manage.
"I am a tad nervous, but hopefully we all be great friends!" She tells me excited. I adore this enthusiasm. "C'mon, I'll escort you to Zuko's room, I want to say goodbye to him"
Argh. My stomach turns a bit inside as we walk towards his room. Being his personal bodyguards makes it easier to just barge in the room without announcing us, being a bit funny how we would catch him. Ty Lee always saw it as an opportunity to laugh hard.
Some days he would be only sleeping, other ones he would be writing down on scrolls or furiously dancing alone. It was always fun to go look at him after a heavy day because for sure he would be either under his bed or behind a curtain eating flameo chips.
Today he was writing something on the table, probably scrolls that need to be actualized or for Ty Lee in case of emergency. He turns around and greets Ty with a sweet smile, she runs to hug him.
"I'm for sure going to miss you! Playing pai chao without you raging for losing won't be the same" She said winking to him as I waited for them on the frame of the door. I honestly got no intention to have an amicable conversation. I see Toph is already heading down to the main gate to go to the port and I cough, breaking their chat.
"I'm sorry Ty, but we need to get going, our ship is going to sail if we don't hurry" I said with a sad smile. I don't think anyone could take care better of Zuko than us, the kyoshi warriors, but having this duty sure could be cursed at times.
Specially when the leader gets involved in a stupid triangle. I feel like a child, playing stupid games and winning stupid prices. Maybe if I hadn't been too egoistical I wouldn't have shown this darkness bull…
"Suki?" I heard him say my name as both are now on the door. I stand straight and start walking down the hallway, not too fast so I don't leave him behind me.
I try my best to ignore him, I do. But I can't be mad at him forever. After all we will share a lot of time together and he is really trying to be a friend for us. I stop and wait for them to catch up, both of them continue talking and I just tag along, hearing their conversation about Azula and Mai.
"I do miss them. It was the good old days were we fought and played in the garden" Ty said with a bit of nostalgia. Zuko only nodded, the conversation turning a bit more somber.
"Yeah. I miss them too. I miss us being kids" He said looking at her with compassion. She hugged him a bit and I felt a bit out of place. The conversation seems to be more intimate than I previously thought.
"Remember how hard Zula and I tried to pair you up with Mai? It was obvious both of you loved each other" She said giggling. This is interesting.
Zuko coughed a bit uncomfortably and I smiled. Of course he wouldn't want me to be near them discussing his love life.
"I will go ahead at the docks" I said to them. I bowed and both of them continued chatting for a bit until Zuko screamed at me again.
"Can we talk before you get at the docks?"
I turned around again and only bowed. "Sure, I will wait for you before reaching them"
Ty Lee chirped and continued talking about their little group. As I walk alone in the halls I do wonder if sometimes, they wished they could go back in time. Maybe their group would still be together, they would still be friends, I'll probably still be in jail, screaming for either pain or anger about not being able to protect my girls.
War still is really present in my mind. Let's hope in my friends is a bit less than the nights I'm alone and replay every single mistake that led me to this path in life. Destiny sure is a funny thing, never in my life I would have thought that sexist water tribe boy would make my world turn around like crazy.
I'm already close to the docks, thanks the spirits nobody ever tried to approach me because I would probably been caught off guard. The world isn't exploding but a single misstep can make it get dark again real quick.
I cross my arms and wait at the cross post, focusing in all the people that are hurriedly boarding boxes full of supplies for the long journey. Everything has changed but somehow, some things won't nudge. I hum to myself the last song my dad ever sang to me.
I do miss him, how would he react to me dating Sokka? I take a deep breath, I just hope wherever he is, he takes care of all of us. I don't want our group to part ways like Zuko's did. Not that we are similar, but time and duty can really mess up relationships.
I arrive earlier than Suki to the shore, as I note that their ship is still and literally waiting only for Zuko to go on board. I see my sister and Aang waiting but I don't really want to be third wheeling, better look around and see what I can distract myself with.
Shopping surely helps me ground my head when I feel this way, not that it'll be an addiction! But lately I've been feeling really not so good. Most of the shops on the shore sell the same things: Clothes, food, sea shells. I've never took Suki to shop sea shells, I wonder if she even likes them that much, I mean, she grew on an Island.
"Hey snoozles! Shopping for another bag again?" A fist punches my arm and I yelp, been caught by surprise.
"Sort of, trying to have a clear head space. What are you doing? Buying new shoes?" I joke flatly. Of course I'm not that well, joking might help me from time to time but right now I'm dry.
"Nah, following jerks like you so they don't spend all their money on stupid things" She replies grinning, I roll my eyes and leave the bag alone, walking by her side.
"Gonna miss me?" I nudge her and she blushes a bit, making me giggle.
"Not that much, only for the laughs I could get out of you"
"Righhhht. You already changed me for that new guy…what was his name again? Nubu?" I say mocking him by doing bad earthbending stances, Toph gets a shade more red and lifts a bit of the ground, startling me.
"Noburu is his name. Your feet are wrong and your core is weak! Have you not been training with Suki?" I drop my face at Suki's name. I think she notices as she whistles. "Sorry"
"It is… it is fine I think. I'm waiting for her so I can say goodbye" I admit walking to a bench nearby and sitting, the new memories of us replaying on my head, opening more the wound in my brain.
She sits by my side without pulling up her feet, looking at the ground in front of us.
"What do you mean it's fine? Yesterday you went together to your room" She asks and the wound deepens. We did spend the night, I lost myself in her, forgetting today we would part our own ways.
"Yes. We broke up this morning"
"Oh…" She only managed to say that. "That's..rough"
I giggle at her choice of words, gentle Toph is funny Toph.
"Already catching on phrases from the firelord" I joke and she punches me again.
"Shut up, I've not finished"
"That was the start?" I ask laughing, she places a hand on mine and my heartbeat flutters.
"How are you feeling? I mean..everything happened…" She trailed off, I stopped her talking.
"I'm not feeling well. I don't feel as that day were everything just drained itself to the trash, but…"
"But?" She interrupted me, worried.
"I don't feel sure of staying apart that long from Suki" I admit, a bit of guilt because maybe, maybe they are right about me not being able to be alone.
"Why?" Toph continues asking, I dwell on what I feel and why do I feel like that. Of course it has to do with the fact I almost lost her the day we all talked again. She was dying in front of me, and part of that was my fault.
"…The darkening. I am afraid I might loose her too, again" I say with my heart imploring me to stop talking about her and the situation. Toph's hand gripes mine and I do it back. I feel supported by her now, or at least I hope so.
"I worry too, for both of you. I will take care of her if I see something sketchy going on. Please take care of you" She says letting me go. I look at her and see her anguished face.
"I wish this could be different"
"You deserve to be healthy and protected too. You already did that for us on war, we can all manage to take care of you, both of you" She relaxes me a little bit with her words.
"Come here, give me a hug" I open my arms and she hugs me. If I knew I wouldn't see Suki again right now I would have cried. I still need to look presentable. We pull apart and I stand up, she follows my lead and we start walking to the port again.
This better work or else I'd feel my time was lost.
I look at the water. Is calm and shines a beautiful light all across the place. It still reminds me of home. Or the home I knew in Kyoshi Island. It's been a long time since I visited there.
"Don't overdo your work! I'll make sure to chi block you for days if Suki tells me you overdid it again" Ty said as both pals got close to where I was. I look at them and straightened myself. Ty hugged me goodbye and I returned her embrace too. She is a small ray of sunshine, even if I don't properly express it to her.
"Good luck Ty" I said with a smile. She bowed and started walking away from us.
It's again the two of us alone.
"Suki, are you ready?" He asks me. I look at his eyes and feel something turn in my stomach. I can't hold him accountable for something I did to myself.
"You already know me, of course I am" I reply in my best playful tone I have. He smiles and bows to me. It still doesn't feel right for me to talk to him and he notices.
"I'm sorry I had to be the bearer of the bad news about…""
"Yes" I interrupted "About breaking up. Did that already. I'm just.." I stop talking. This type of closeness and vulnerability puts us through this mess in the first place.
"Just?" He asked me, his golden eyes looking worried.
"N-Nothing. Let's get going" I say breaking contact and stepping in the docks. He follows behind me without saying anything. Thanks the spirits. Our ship is by the other side of the docks and we don't have to do anything but say goodbye to our friends.
I see his blue eyes skimming through the sea of people in here and he finally sees me, his smile lighting up his face. But we promised we would try it. So this time he doesn't scream my name in that adorable way he does.
We finally are close to the siblings and the avatar, ready to pick him up and say our lasts goodbyes.
"Well, it is my displeasure to announce we are here to capture the avatar" Zuko jokes making Aang and Katara laugh at him. Sokka snorts and I can't help but smile.
"I will go! But don't hurt them" Aang replied standing in front of the siblings, making Katara push him out of the way and step forward.
Oh. I feel her hugging me. My body still tenses at her touch but still, I quickly hug her back. Don't want to raise more suspicion.
"I will miss you! We didn't have a lot of time to catch up" She says pulling apart. I shrugged.
"We can always write to each other. Now we both will have more stories" She smiles and gets to Zuko, hugging him a bit less time than what she hugged me.
"Good luck Katara" Zuko says.
"Good luck to you too, try to stay alone this time" Katara answers in a playful tone and Zuko laughs.
"I'll try my hardest, thanks Agni I don't have a fan club"
As Katara goes to say goodbye to Aang, Sokka reaches a palm to bid his farewell to Zuko. Both boys laugh hard and then stop. He pats his shoulders and Zuko only does a thumbs up, walking away from us.
Us, again. My eyes can't stop focusing on his, feeling as if I blink maybe he will disappear. He grabs my hands and carefully tries to pull out a glove. I pull away fast from the touch and see his surprised expression. I put my hand again on his and blush. I feel so stupid.
"Sorry" I whisper, looking away from him.
"No, I'm sorry, I didn't ask" He replies grabbing my hand now. His other hand grabs my face and makes me look at him. We just stare at each other for what felt like minutes. He is starting to fill in, his cheekbones are even more pronounced.
"I'll miss you, I'll miss us" He clarifies, blushing a bit. I tip toe to kiss him and I can hear how he holds a breath. Instead, I kiss his cheek, making him growl a bit upset.
"It's not forever" I reply smiling and pulling away from him. I want to say more, he surely looks as if he doesn't want to get away. We both don't move and just stare. Oh fuck it, it's the last time. I turn around and he gets closer to me.
We hug and time stops for a few minutes. I can't cry here, anybody can watch and I'm supposed to be on duty. We pull apart and see his actually crying.
"Don't be so upset" I try to cheer him up, grabbing a hand and kissing it. His mouth does a twitch and he sniffs.
"I can't. Why is everybody so invested in trying to pull us apart? Why can't we be happy together?" He asks me with more tears and I feel cold sweat in my face. Instead I close my eyes and kiss his hand again, three times. I wish his hand was his lips.
"We will be okay. Calm down" He pulls me in a hug again and I can hear his soft mumbles.
"I love you Suki. Wait for me, please." He begs. I don't like how he begs, not in this conditions. I kiss his cheek again and clean his tears. His mouth is curled down and his teeth are clenched, doing his best to not break down.
"I will wait for you. I'll write you, remember? Go on, we will be okay" I lie. I don't know how this will end, I for sure want to be with him, to love him, not because of codependency. Funny thing I never thought we had because most of the time we are apart.
He only nods and kisses my cheek too, saying a very hoarse bye and walking past me. I take a deep breath and walk towards Sokka goes too, were Zuko and Toph had to be, we are almost ready to board now.
Beef, Jerky, Sea prunes, Turtleduck, Flying boar.
Thinking about that as if it were the only 5 words in my head helps me not break down in the crowd again, even if tears are falling down my face. I know she is following the path behind me, our decks are a bit close to each other.
I fasten a bit more my pace. Beef, jerky, sea prunes, turtleduck, flying boar.
Aw shit, fuck this. I can't go. Not like this, I need to try harder. I want to be with her in the northern tribe, watching the sky and freezing ourselves.
I turn around and see she is close to me, looking upset too. I glance at her and timidly wait for her to look at my eyes. She does and I can see her hurting the nearer she gets. She is now by my side and pats my back, making me move forward.
"Move big boy or you are going to drown in the ocean!" She says as she turns to the right, not bothering to look back at me. Her pitch was higher, she is uncertain. I go behind her and grab her hand, she tenses and doesn't attack me. That's not as good as I thought, she is distracted.
"Suki" She turns around with glossy eyes.
"Yes?" Her pitch is still high. I grab her other hand and try to remove the glove, she lets me as I pull both. Her hands are warm and a bit sweaty, they are not delicate, they are rough and a bit calloused of all the training she does.
I wouldn't change them for anything.
"Marry me" I spit out. She widens her eyes and a single tear rolls down her left cheek. "Marry me when we see each other again"
My whole sentence came out in a desperate tone, breathless and rushed. I don't know if it's her armor or her nervousness, but my hands are dripping in sweat too. She holds my hands and looks down.
"Sokka…"
"No. Suki. I know what you are about to say. This is not a spur of the moment. I have known this since I let you go in the Serpent Pass. We both are…"
She kisses me, her hands are tight on mine and I can see she is still trying to hold back. We pull apart and I get more confused as she grabs her gloves and starts putting them on. She finishes and cleans her tear.
"Let's wait for this to end, then I could answer to your proposal" She says a bit unsure. My hopes fall completely. I grab the back of my neck of the humiliation I'm feeling. Suki looks at me distressed and shocked.
My collar! I quickly unclasp my necklace and shove it towards her, she looks at it.
"T-take this, a token that I truly mean it. I know this is NOT the proposal I would have done, please accept it. When we meet again you can wear it on if you accept it or give it back if you don't feel the same"
I can hear how loud my heart is beating amidst the crowd around us. Her hands grab the necklace in slow motion in my eyes.
"…Okay" She says confused "I really have to go now. I wish…this was different" Sweet, her pitch is now that adorable high when she is really smitten. I smile confident that she will accept me as she tries to not smile.
"It will be. Take care" I finally let go of us for now and she looks at me blushing. She goes on her own path and I take my own too, recognizing where I saw Katara earlier go to.
This is a test for both, but I'm pretty confident I have already passed it. I reach the ship and board it, seeing Katara already waiting for me.
"How did it go?" She asks me about Suki, of course. Aang probably told her.
"We are on good terms, don't worry" I smile as the air touches the skin in my neck.
"Okay, I'll tell the captain we are ready to go now, everyone is in. You know already your way" She says dismissing herself and going to the captain, like a true commander would do. My baby sister will marry one of my best friends someday next year…
What a time to feel alive and happier than ever. The ship starts to sail and I sigh, welcoming the warm water breeze and the smell of the salt in the ocean. I cross my arms and go to get a better sight of the port we are leaving.
I can see a small black ship they will probably use to go.
"Already missing?"
I'm out of my thoughts and see Electra is looking at me, her back on the border of the wood. She has a long white sleeve dress with a high neck, tight at her chest and flowy on the rest of her body. I doubly blink.
"Of course, half of my friends will be at other parts of the world. We spent like 2 years together" I reply finally reclining by her side. She is not as stuck up as I thought she would be.
"I see. Hope the Northern Tribe can help you get over the blues for some time, I'm excited to already go home" She says looking at the sky with a smile. Her hair is in a single braid hanging off the border.
"I imagine, first time in a boat?" I ask with interest, I do need something to make me forget about Suki and my proposal.
"Indeed, I'm used to hunting but not that far away from shore" She explains putting both hands on her pockets. Huh? Her dress has pockets?
"What? They let you hunt in there?" I ask amazed.
"No, but I'm the daughter of the great commander, I won't be a lazy girl learning how to heal and be a good wife" She replies smirking, her tone a bit more playful. I blink fast.
"Wait a second, you mean to tell me nobody taught you how to fish with a spear?" I ask unable to believe her, something so difficult and important to the tribe can't be done without some guidance.
"Yup. Took me some time but I managed to do fine" The smirk is still in her lips and her eyes are now looking at me with curiosity.
"What else can you do that is not allowed?" I ask intrigued. Someone who likes to break outdated rules sure can help me reform the laws for both tribes.
"I'll tell you more later, I'm getting a bit seasick standing here. See ya Sokka!" She says waving goodbye and looking behind her shoulder at me. Her eyes have a small sparkle, perhaps of finding the men of the sister tribe are not as closed minded as in the north.
Or maybe that we are officially friends. I smile in appreciation, a pleasant conversation with someone new is always welcome.
I focus on the last orders I give to several of my warriors who are already waiting for me on the deck, we split and I go to Zuko's room, so I can let him know how the rounds will be held in the ship.
I knock first and hear Toph get mad at Aang for something, so it's safe for me to enter. I see Aang and Zuko playing pai sho on the table while Toph is sulking on the other chair, unable to see what they are doing.
"Zuko, I have finished my duties of the day. I excuse myself" I say without waiting for a greeting and excusing myself out. I hear them mumble but I don't stay so they can ask me what's wrong.
I quickly enter and lock my room, pulling out Sokka's necklace and placing it on the wooden table. As I sit on the chair staring at it, I can't help but touch it, as if it was some strange token.
My fingers grace the borders at it as I remember how decided he was to let me know he is in. He is wanting this for the long haul. I hear the door being pick locked and hide it in my chest, pulling out my fan.
"Chill, it's me" Toph calls me as she enters the room. I relax and sit again, my emotions being a mess, of course she can do that, the lock is made in metal. Toph sits at the other chair and places both arms on the table, waiting for me to talk.
"What?" I ask, a bit annoyed of not being able to brainstorm alone. Toph chuckles and sits in silence. I bark even more angered. "Seriously what?"
"I don't know, look at you. Being all angered for me being here" She replies smiling. I just sigh and cross my arms, remembering I have the necklace tucked in.
"Well, the door was locked for a reason" I respond rolling my eyes at the obvious.
"And that's why I barged in" She answers as if was nothing. "Are you okay?"
"No Toph, I'm not okay" I say a bit louder than what I wanted
I silence myself after admitting how confused I was feeling. Toph's eyes momentarily widened and then returned to her usual expression. She sat there in silence too, waiting for me to say something else.
"Sokka proposed to me" I whisper and the tension grows in the room.
"Sokka did what? Didn't you…"
"Yes" I interrupt "We both broke up."
Toph shifted from her place and her face contorted in confusion. I smile as her face describes my own feelings.
"Then why did he do that? Wasn't the whole point is being separated and in no contact?"
"Yes"
"So…did you accept? How is the carving?" She asks me standing up to feel the room. I pull the necklace out of my chest and place it on the table. She grabs it and her face becomes more confused. "Hold on…"
"It's not an official water tribe necklace. He gave me his as a promise of his feelings for me" I answer blushing at how…lovely that sounded. Toph giggles and sighs.
"Sokka sometimes is stupid. How do you feel about this?"
I gulp, still unsure if in a year I will accept this compromise. We both want a family, we both want to be happy, but I don't want to keep…making these same harsh decisions. I need to think it through.
"I am confused. We are not…well. How can I explain my feelings for him without attaching it to this sickness?" I say out loud what I have been thinking since he gave me the necklace.
"We only have to wait and find out" Toph says in the most casual way. I frown.
"Of course, because patience is my best virtue" I cross my arms huffing. She laughs and the silence in the room lets my imagination fly even further.
Sokka has always taken care of me, even if I have complained or told him that I can actually take care of myself, which is the thing that has impressed me the most. He takes care in a way I can trust him with certain things of my past and he doesn't push for any more information.
Unlike Zuko. The moment he notices something wrong with me he keeps trying and trying to know what happened. He wants to know the reason, he listens and then brings a solution forward. Probably of what Iroh has taught him.
Maybe that's why I like going to talk towards my problems with Zuko, at least the deep rooted ones. He knows I have issues with abandonment but still doesn't know why that happened. Sokka is aware of the fact and that my dad is the reason, but doesn't imagine the extent of how I knew of his death.
I hung me head backwards and try to think about how my dad would have fixed this. He would have probably made a good and bad list to compare, but that wouldn't be very fair, would be? Is Sokka ever change that playboy attitude he has had since the first time I saw him at home?
We changed a lot in a week, we even both made a living hell of our lives to an extent that our friends had to intervene. What kind of new fights and explosions will our married life give us? Would he be strong enough to get through it with me? Am I strong enough?
I focus back on the necklace, wondering were I could keep it safe from anyone's view. I decide to do it where my head piece is usually stored, maybe out of sight out of mind could be helpful to let me decide.
Or not, but I don't want to mess up any mission and let our friends be attacked or worse.
"Suki, you know Aang and I can still see where you hid it right?" I turn to see her and she is smiling. I sigh and ignore her, opting to lay in bed instead.
Does he even know me apart from what we talked in the tent that night? I drift into sleep remembering how we both had our first time that night, our breaths rushed and soft whispers of love in our ears.
I can feel how red my face is, my skin is burning from his kisses on my shoulders as his arms hug me tightly. What a nice way to end this first time. We are a sweaty entanglement in sheets, trusting in each other.
He stops kissing me and heads up to my lips, slowly making me melt in him. We pull apart as we both are exhausted and look at the glee in each other's eyes. I have never seen them so…well…drunk. He was drunk in love and his whole face reflected it, I suspect I look like that too as his eyes study my features.
"You look so gorgeous" He says, my eyes focus on his chest that is heavily trying to reach air from the small space.
"I know" I reply like he would and he giggles, trying to be as quiet as possible. I feel in heaven until I remember something I wish I hadn't in this precise moment.
My dad. I promised I wouldn't make love with a boy without bringing him home first, but oh well, can you blame me? Is not like I just picked him up to do this.
"Suki?" He asks me and I can feel the chill in my body and how cold the night is. My erratic breath is not from love making and he notices this and sits up to watch me. "Suki, I'm here"
His voice, as sweet as it is, makes me feel a bit more guilty of thinking about a dead person after making love. This moment is supposed to be one you carry in your memories and that stuff, girl stuff I haven't been properly introduced as I tended to skip those talks to keep training and training.
"I'm sorry" I hear him apologize and my eyes open quickly as I sit up, his face looking down in regret.
"Don't be. I'm sorry I just…remembered something" He looks at me curiously and cups my cheek.
"Hey, I'm here for you. I can listen to you if it makes you feel better" My eyes wander on how his hair makes the light in his face pop more, even if it's really dim. I should keep this to myself, not even my sisters know about my issues.
"I…"I trust him. I do. "Can we make a pledge?" I ask, trying to not raise my voice or tone.
He blinks twice and nods with his head, listening carefully to me.
" I, Suki from Kyoshi Island, make this pledge to my dearest, in front of me"
"I, Sokka from the Southern Water tribe, make this pledge to my dearest, in front of me"
"Whom I will trust, love and most of all, respect him"
"Whom I will trust, love and most of all, respect her"
"My fears and my feelings are yours to keep, helping me carry them on their way to our of me"
He faithfully repeated, even interlacing his hands on mine.
"Don't bottle it up because the body reacts to it. Us warriors must stick together and help nurse each other out of this feelings of despair, hurt, anger or sadness…." My eyes watered a bit as I tried to finish my pledge, his eyes grew in concern but continued repeating the pledge.
"And as I finish this, you, Sokka of the Southern water tribe, will hear my deepest secret, who I blindly trust will keep safe"
"And as I finish this, you, Suki of Kyoshi Island, will hear my deepest secret, who I blindly trust will keep safe" He gets closer and wipes tears I didn't notice were rolling down my cheeks until his warm fingers touched my skin. "I can start first to make you feel better. Ever wondered how we don't talk a lot of what happened after my mother died?"
I blink at how dark this turned but only nodded. "Well, it was because I almost killed myself a night before we found Aang."
I can feel my heart stopping at the realization that I could have never met Sokka. His blue eyes are sad and sorrowfull, water slowly forming on them
"I…felt like a complete failure after finding out Katara was a waterbender. She could probably hold much better against fire nation soldiers in hand to hand combat. My boomerang and cub were accessories that once gone, my strength decreased significatively"
He talked without looking at my eyes, I brushed his hair out of his face and he looked back at me to continue his story.
"I had it all planed, I was not honorable nor what I had promised dad… but I…I was selfish and felt... The responsibility of fishing, building, watching, it was something my sister could do better and faster than I did. I couldn't even teach the little boys how to fight" My face probably was fully showing how worried I am because he smiled and caressed my face.
"It…is not how I am used to being. That night I was close to the water, tempted, looking at it. I thought our father was dead…I thought the war would never end"
He opened his arms and traces his finger to his forearm, where a faded scar is.
"This was my first cut, some type of adrenaline through my body went away as I cut there. I sat, with the freezing snow in my body, as I didn't want the parka to be dried in blood in case Katara wanted it"
My hands immediately reached his forearms and my fingers explored the scar. He giggled at how fast I reached for it.
"I thought of my grandma, the small girls in the village…what would happen to them? Katara…what would they do with her? My mother…died…as they searched for the last waterbender. Then I decided I would rather die trying to protect, even as useless as I was, than die right there, without fear, with only a peaceful night and bright stars"
My heart hurts at his story, that must be the reason he tried so hard to feel the best warrior, it doesn't excuse anything else he said, but his insecurity now had a big cause.
"That night, the sky was full of lights and colors. It looked…beautiful. Not as you do right now" He smiled at how I giggled, his blue eyes never leaving my face. "I want to take you to my home, to that spot, so you could see how…how calm you get after watching the sky."
"I'm sure we will go together" I reply as our foreheads touch each other. I do owe him honesty after the pledge we both made. "Thank you for trusting your burden to me"
He sighs, brushing some strands of my hair. "I wouldn't trust anybody else for this. You are my equal, I think it's natural"
I give a shaky sight, remembering why we pledged. I give him a peck and instead turn my back to him. He welcomes me in his arms and we both lay down on the blanket.
"I remembered my dad too. He died a week after I started training as a warrior" the images of how the news were delivered and his lasts objects found flashing through my eyes. I swear I felt how his heart stopped for a minute.
"I always wanted to be a force, my dad encouraged it. He didn't like boys who made women less, as my mother was a warrior too. I never met her, he only told me she was from far away from our island" I laugh at how he told the story, his hands doing some type of movement and standing hunched because of how short he would say my mom was.
"I promised him the first boy I would love he would met him first, not to play some type of dominance over me, but to get to know him, get to know us as a couple and give us his blessing. He said I always had an amazing gut feeling and intuition" I close my eyes for a moment, remembering running to the side of the dojo, where to women waited for me with a letter and sad eyes.
"At first I didn't believe it! My graduation ceremony was still too far away, he promised…he promised he would be there, he promised me he would return to the island real quick, with a fire nation gift." I laugh at myself, how stupid I was as a kid to believe that?
Sokka kisses my head, hugging me harder. I shed tears, finally talking about this…at least a part of it.
I don't think I could ever bring myself to tell him a waterbender killed him. Or at least that was what the letter said, the lady was kind, was a former prisoner that escaped, one of the boys saw how she killed him in an unnatural way.
"Sorry for ruining the mood first" I say still a bit numb. He kisses my head again and we cuddle.
"It's alright, I am here for you, I'll always be. As we pledged, remember? I will keep your darkest secret…"
"Deepest secret" I correct as he giggles
"I'll be always with you. You can always count on me to care for you" He finishes. I get comfortable with him and his breathing relaxes me. I am almost asleep and I hear him mumble something with my name. I just smile and let myself sleep a little before getting out of the tent.
I can hear Toph say my name too, in a less lovely way than Sokka did.
"Suki, can you at least not ignore me as I try to get you to talk?"
I sit up and feel dizzy, not sleeping yesterday was stupid.
"I feel really tired Toph, I'm sorry" I do my best to not get mad at how persistent she is becoming with me, before she couldn't care less of what we did or didn't do. I'm sure is the way she cares.
"Oh I guess I know the reason of that tiredness" She smirks and I blush, I roll my eyes again and walk towards her.
"What were you saying?" I ask, ignoring her spicy comment.
"Right. As I was saying, these past months both of have you been really unstable. I even asked you what would have happened if Sokka never came back, and you said you wouldn't be with Zuko."
I am not sure what point she is trying to cross so I just go along with her until she finishes and I can sleep for a little bit.
"So let's try to be away from boys, indefinitely. Not because you want Sokka to be your boyfriend but…"
"But because of what I am as an independent woman, I am aware of my value and how I see myself, thanks Toph but I honestly think that's useless" I interrupt annoyed at this type of these pseudo inspirational quotes.
Oof
"What the.."
"Don't interrupt me!" Toph scolds me as I nurse my head, the pot on the floor broken. "even your guard is low"
I have noticed I am not as focused as I should be, but I just need to sleep it away and I'll be fine. Out of sight, out of mind.
"But unless you want to try an open relationship and convince them so the three of you are a couple, it will not work. You keep running back and forth and I see you try to hide from Zuko and your feelings, that's not good either. He is your friend."
I reflect on that. I am risking my comfort for the wellbeing of the group and my friends. Zuko doesn't deserve to be played or to be with somebody so unstable, Sokka needs comfort without being in someone's arms.
And I…I do need to be stronger alone. Not relay so much in someone so close.
"I know…I just don't want to hurt more people" I answer and see her walking towards me, punching me.
"Someone will always be hurt. Love and life is like that" Toph said before leaving me alone again with my thoughts.
I rather sleep so I don't think about anything for some time. So I can wake up again and see myself clean, happy and ready to fight.
Even if that won't be possible for some time.