AN: I know this chapter is slightly overdue (only slightly... ) I worked really hard to instead proudly present you with your Christmas gift (cuz its Christmas where I live, and if you don't celebrate christmas then I'm sorry, but its still a gift for you, and oh my I'm rambling and should probably stop before it gets awkward...) chapter 19!
Also, quick question. Would you rather I write the AN answering reviews before or after chapters?
Thank you so much for the follows (we've passed 50- half a 100!), faves, and reviews! :)
SHOUTOUT TO: Ponytail Goddess for reviewing every single chapter of this fic! Wow, thanks!
Review Responses are at the bottom of this chapter as there were too many to answer without overwhelming you first things first when you opened this chapter :)
And finally, what did Haldir draw? Find out (for real) in this chap!
Also, please don't kill me when you're done reading this :)
. . .Chapter 19- Feasting with the Galadhrim. . .
.~.
" All the words that I gather,
And all the words that I write,
Must spread out their wings untiring,
And never rest in their flight,
Till they come where your sad, sad heart is,
And sing to you in the night,
Beyond where the waters are moving,
Storm darkened or starry bright. "
- W.B. Yeats, 'Where my books go'.
.~.
At first, Alysae tried to protest.
"No, no, I am quite alright here," she said, trying desperately to melt into her seat. "There is absolutely no nee-"
"Alysae," warned Laereth, levelling her with a glare that had her squirm.
Taurya bounced a little where she stood, her dress swinging. "You are coming whether you like it or not."
"And you better like it," threatened Belegieth.
Caladwen only smiled a little apologetically, squashing Alysae's hopes of getting support drastically flat. Curse it all! She sighed, knowing full well that she was cornered.
"Very well," she mumbled, closing her eyes in resignation. Almost immediately she was pulled to her feet by many a pair of hands, her book nearly falling from her grasp. She was guided along the way, silver light falling like rays of moonlight upon them, and among the soft sound of scurrying footsteps.
Were a stranger to find themselves in Lothlorien, be it by chance or purpose, he would have thought to see five ellith walking together; for all of them were adorned with hair various tones of fair, and they were dressed in the same manner, albeit of different colours. Only Alysae, with her short stature when compared to Elves, stood out slightly.
But although Alysae seemed unhappy and annoyed at attending the Feast, she was secretly thrilled, for she had always enjoyed celebrations. It had been too long since she attended one, but once again, her thoughts strayed to her family. She was not used to go to events without them, on her own.
Of course not! she thought angrily. You are not alone, silly girl! You're going with your friends; and stop wallowing in self-pity.
The other ellith, unaware of the thoughts running through her head, edged on, laughing and talking, their voices fallling like silver rain.
Laereth, noticing her furrowed brow, moved her way. "Is all well?" she asked, grabbing hold of the arm of Alysae. The frown dissipated immediately and Alysae looked up with a smile.
"It is actually very much exciting," she told Laereth lowly. "But don't tell them that!" She gestured to the ellith walking in front of them.
Laereth let out a chuckle, her eyes sparking mischieviously. "Not a word," she breathed, a finger resting on her lips. They exchanged knowing smiles, before Alysae schooled her features back into a frown.
Althought she had been in Lothlorien for over a week and had become quite familiar with the place, Alysae was quickly lost among the many winding paths. She knew naught where she was or even where she was going, but she trusted the ellith and so followed after them.
"How are you feeling?" Caladwen asked her gently, her kind eyes resting knowingly over her.
Alysae swallowed, feeliing as though the elleth was looking straight through her and into her heart and soul. "As well as I can be," she admitted, her head down.
A soft touch on her arm compelled her to look up into Caladwen's blue eyes. "I hope you know that we are all here for you, should you need us be."
"I know," said Alysae with a shaky smile. Her heart nearly burst with gratefulness and with the friendship she bore for those ellith.
Caladwen smiled gently. "Good."
An exclaimation from Taurya interrupted them. "We are here!" she had shouted, her arms spread wide.
Alysae looked curiously around. They were in front of a white door, nothing truly remarkable about it. The ellith pushed the doors open and stepped through, letting Alysae in with them.
She gasped.
Colours like scattered wildflowers seemed painted around the room; she realised it was fabric, it lined the walls and lay draped over tables. Bundles of threads of every colour were neatly rolled and stacked, and she could see half-finished dresses and shawls.
"This is where I work," explained Caladwen.
"It is absolutely amazing," breathed Alysae, her eyes taking in every detail. There was a tapestry hung on a wall; it was so breath-takingly done that it looked as though painted out of real life. Rolls of measurement tape were organised in neat piles.
It was organised chaos.
Beautiful chaos.
"Yes yes," said Taurya quickly, "it's all very wonderful. Now can we get on to what we came here to do?"
Alysae raised an eyebrow.
"Of course," said Caladwen, disappearing behind an overflowing, but neatly tidied, desk. Now Alysae was even more curious.
"What-" she began, but stopped when she saw what Caladwen was holding.
"Laereth has told us of your birthday, which occured a few days past, and we all have decided to offer you a little something," she said.
In her hands she held folded blue fabric that shimmered like mithril; as she opened it for Alysae to see, the cloth turned out to be a delicate dress, of a colour that looked neither grey nor blue, with white sleeves like snow. As Alysae stepped nearer to gently touch it, she noticed that many tiny stars had been embroidered in silver thread near the hems.
"Do you like it?" asked Caladwen.
Alysae had tears in her eyes. "I cannot thank you enough," she said, taking the elleth's hands in hers. "That you made this for me means an awful lot to me, so I thank you."
Caladwen smiled kindly at her. "It pleases me to hear you say this." She draped the dress with careful hands over a chair, making sure that it did not wrinkle.
"My turn!" said Taurya, pushing her way forward, nearly sending Belegieth toppling to the floor, who glared at her retreating back. She was beaming as she emptied her purse in Alysae's hand, who looked on curiously. At first she thought that the elleth had given her a handful of white flowers, until she realised they were not real but merely crafted, attached to small bronze pins.
"For your hair," explained Taurya. "They are made in the likes of the niphredil, and I'm sure they will look marvellous in your hair!"
Alysae thanked her warmly, still amazed by the beauty of the craftmanship, and how delicate the pins were.
"It's nothing," said the elleth, but she was grinning ear to ear.
Then came Belegieth who gave her a pair of gloves, that looked well crafted and delicate, but were in fact very sturdy and comfortable.
"They will not wear down so easily," promised Belegieth.
"Thank you!" Alysae smiled, trying them on. It truly was a well- thought out gift, she thought, as the gloves would cover the ugly bandage around the wound of her left palm that had yet to heal. They fitted her quite nicely too and were of a pale colour that went well with the dress.
Laereth gifted her with a delicate bracelet of silver set with white stones.
"I know it is not quite the same as having your family with you," said the elleth as she fastened it around Alysae's wrist, "but I hope you enjoyed our attempts to make you feel better, even if they are quite pityful."
Alysae blinked back tears. "You all are so wondeful! Truly, I do not know what I would have done if I had never met you."
"Read alone with a candle for only company?" Taurya cut her off with a grin.
Alysae glared at her, and turned back to Laereth, the frown slipping off. "What I was going to say," she began, "was thank you, all of you. Even you Taurya. You are all true friends, very dear to me. In fact, I did not have a lot of friends back home, for I was very nearly all the time in my father's Halls, safe from the forest, and to be honest sometimes alone. I did not get to see many people, be it elves or Men, safe for my tutors, and the elves that worked around the royal wing. That is why I love books so much, for until then they were my only true friends, my confidantes.
"While the elves of Imladris, Elladan, Arwen, Lord Elrond, Erestor and Elrohir, are all my friends, akin to famlily, I do not see them very often." She looked at each of the ellith in turn; Caladwen looked deeply moved, with tears in her eyes, Belegieth simply stared solemnly at her, Taurya was for once with not a trace of humour on her face, but rather apt attention, and Laereth had a small soft smile.
"So I want to thank you," she continued. "Thank you for offering me your friendship, and I hope it will last for a long time."
Alysae was embraced, and smiles were exchanged, small tears were shed, and even though it was quite delayed, it was not so bad a birthday after all.
-xxx-
Sound drifted through the tree tops, ringing of silver laughter, and low murmurs that fell like a limpid stream; music rose and tumbled around them, notes upon notes that spoke of joy and serenity; footsteps glided and gowns rustled, and to the untrained ears it might have sounded like the dance of Nature herself.
Alysae, a large smile on her face, turned to her friends, each one graceful and beautiful as blooming flowers. Caladwen, her hair tumbling softly down her back, had a light blue dress the colour of the pale sky in the morning, that drew out her kind eyes. Taurya, her steps bouncing, swished the rose coloured dress around her ankles. Her grin and twinkling eyes flashed as she stumbled for a moment, before righting herself.
Next to her, Belegieth, her hair drawn back in a multitude of braids, walked steadily. Her chestnut gown, although plain, looked as though it had been made especially for her.
Alysae turned her head again, finding Laereth beaming besides her, a gown the colour of summer leaves rustling at each step. She smiled back.
"Let us have fun to-night!" exclaimed Laereth.
The ellith and Alysae had spent quite some time preparing themselves for the Feast. Alysae had worn all her gifts, Caladwen braiding her hair so that the niphredil pins Taurya had gifted her were scattered into her hair like dewy stars. She was very much so, extremely happy.
In fact, she was pratically skipping.
Legolas would have shaken his head with a snort of amusement. Legolas... the familiar pang in her chest came again, but she was determined to push it aside.
Besides, as they arrived to the Feast, she forgot everything entirely.
All was lit with silver glow, as though the very Moon himself had been wandering into the place. Tall elves, their clothes like wildflowers on a field, mingled, danced, talked; some were seated, enjoying food on grand long tables, others were standing with a glass of wine in hand.
In a corner a group of elves played their instruments; the soft strings of a lyre and the whispering of a flute mingled with the fair voices of the singers.
The friends looked at each other with smiles in their eyes and on their faces before they each went their own way; Caladwen went to dance with her bonded, Taurya to her friends, Belegieth with some members of the patrol, and Laereth off to see Rùmil (she was quite nervous about that, fixing her hair and dress until Alysae told her to leave it be and be on her way). Alysae for her part wished to sit for a little while and try a few bites.
She enjoyed herself immensely throughout the evening.
Laereth introduced her to Rùmil, her adoring eyes turned all the time towards his face, and Alysae realised that she had seen him before: he had been the elf who had been there when she had first arrived. He was Haldir's brother she recalled, with a faint blush.
He was funny and nice, and he seemed to like Laereth as much as she liked him. Alysae was beaming for her friend by the end of the encounter, when the two elves went off to dance again.
Lord Celeborn politely asked her how she was faring, and if she was enjoying herself. She replied that she was indeed, and they both launched into a lengthy discussion over some poems written in quenya she had read in his library, but it had to be cut short, as he had to make a speech as was the custom.
"You read quenya?" an elf on her left asked, his brows raised in amazement. "'Tis a tongue seldom read and even fewer still spoken. Ai, that it has been nearly lost in time."
"I do indeed," replied Alysae. "And although it is very different from Sindarin, I find the language quite beautiful, don't you agree?"
The elf nodded. "It is true, there is a certain finesse to the tongue, that is not to be lightly found in others."
They had to stop the conversation as Lord Celeborn rose to his feet, but not before she learned of the ellon's name, Luinion.
"Welcome all to the Feast," began the lord. There were hushes and the music stopped as all listened with attention. "Thank you all for attending, and I hope you enjoy the celebrations. I would like to thank the cooks for all the marvellous food they have prepared, and the musicians for performing tonight. Please enjoy yourselves!" He sat back down, and there was a chorus of applause.
The music started again and conversations resumed.
Alysae learned that Luinion had never visited Greenwood, that he had two sons and a daughter, and loved reading nearly as much as she. She had made a new friend, she thought with a smile.
Before long, he had to go find his children, and Alysae was asked to dance by an ellon. She had fun dancing and twirling for a long time, amid the elves. The twins liked to say that Alysae was awkward on her feet, but that was rather untrue: dancing lessons were just as important as quenya ones, in her father's halls.
After a while, she went back to sit at the table, to drink sweet cold juices, and get to know the Galadhrim better.
-xxx-
"May I have this dance, my lady?"
The deep melodious voice startled Alysae and she raised her head, finding her face only inches from cool grey eyes. She blushed. Haldir had one hand extended towards her, the other behind his back. His tunic of silver shone where small beads of crystals were embroidered; his long hair in their usual braids.
"Oh," she murmured, a slightly tembling hand tucking her hair behind her ear.
Haldir raised one eyebrow. "Well?"
And Alysae realised she had been silently staring at him for moments too long, and felt her cheeks burn. She ducked her head in embarassment.
"You may, my lord," she replied in a breath, not daring to look him in the eyes. Moment later, warm calloused fingers slipped around her own gloved ones, drawing a small gasp from her lips. Thankfully Haldir did not acknowledge it.
He drew her with him and she followed numbly, not knowing if her heart had stopped beating or if it was drumming steadily in her chest. She was too afraid to verify.
They reached a place on the dancing floors, among other couples, radiant and joyful they were, awaiting for the dance to begin. Alysae swallowed nervously as she placed her hands in Haldir's upturned ones.
"I trust you know this next one?" asked Haldir, momentarily startling her.
She nodded for she was well versed in the lores and dances of her people- of the Elves. Before she had time to answer, the music began, and she was forced to look him in the eyes. She nearly faltered.
He pressed her hand slightly before he began leading her, and soon she was lost in steps and twirls, as the music weaved around them. Colourful gowns like splashes of flowers swished and rustled, and danced; and pale silver and gold hair streaked the air, as the Elves danced about.
Alysae was sure her face was scarlet, and her hands were moist and trembling. She nearly stepped on his feet more than a few times, catching herself at the very last moment. Her heart was racing.
"Who trained you?" Haldir spoke, stratling her.
Her eyes flickered to his. "What?" the word escaped her mouth before she could stop it. She mentally slapped herself. You idiot! Why oh why did you say what? You must seem like a gaping fish!
The corner of his lips quirked up barely percpetively. "Swordplay," he clarified.
"Oh," she said, felling so very much stupid. "My brother." She looked at the ground, watching their feet moving about.
"Your brother- Legolas Greenleaf?"
She nodded, feeling a twinge in her chest. His feet, she noticed, were clad in brown strudy shoes that fit snuggly, and made next to no sound as they brushed against the polished floor. Her feet looked quite small in comparaison. Small, and loud.
"He taught you well," said Haldir, drawing her eyes back to his. "However you are a weak little thing; when was the last time you trained?" His fingers slipped from her hand to her wrist, wrapping themselves loosly around it, drawing a gasp from her lips. He lightly shook her wrist as if to prove his point.
"I-I am not weak," Alysae lightly protested.
Haldir titled his head slightly to the side. His lips were very thin, Alysae remarked. But they seemed warm and soft above his strong jaw. Then her eyes widened; she did not just think that? By Eru! what was wrong with her?
"You are not very stong," he said, seeming unaware of the turmoil within her mind.
"That may be true," she said, shrugging her shoulder slightly to give herself countenance, "but strength can take very may different forms."
Haldir nodded. "That indeed is true," he admitted. "A strong will and mind can oft be more powerful than brute strength."
The music weaved its soft and enchanting strands around them, and Haldir turned her on herself, his hand pressing into where she had the bandage. A small hiss escaped her.
Immediately, his brows furrowed, and he released her hand.
"You are hurt?" he questioned.
Alysae clutched at her hand, refusing to look him into the eyes. She noticed they had stopped dancing and were motionless among the other twirling couples. He seemed to realise it at about the same time at her, for her took hold of her hands lightly, taking care not to press on her palm.
"Well?"
"I-" she began. "It's nothing, really. Just a scratch from my knives."
Haldir said nothing but observed her carefully. "Was it the same as the one you had six days ago?"
"Yes," she swallowed.
"It should have healed by now," he said, his brow furrowed. He was leading her in the dance absent mindedly, his feet moving without faltering.
"It is nothing."
"Clearly it is not, if it still pains you so," he argued. "It might be infected."
"I highly doubt it," she retorted; "I would have a fever, and I feel very much fine. It is nothing, mortals heal slower than elves do, that is all."
Haldir threw a dubious glance at her. "I highly doubt it takes nearly a week for a human to heal a 'scratch'. You should go to the healers."
"I am fine."
"Just to be safe."
"I am fine," she insisted.
"I insist."
"So do I."
They glared at each other.
"I do not understand you!" Alysae finally cried. "First you're cold and arrogant, then you joke, then you criticise me, you comfort me, you give me knives lessons, and now you are worried? I do not understand you or what you want with me! What am I even to you?"
The moments the words escaped her mouth, she instantly regretted them, when his face became still and cold, as though carved out of marble.
"You are nothing to me," he hissed lowly, his face inches from her. "I only do this because it was asked of me, not because I want to. Explaining a dead or sick person to the lords Elrohir and Elladan is not something I want to do, and that is the sole reason behind my purpose. If you want to fall ill because you merely did not want to go the healers, then it is your choice, and I care little of it."
Just then, the song ended.
"Good-night, lady," he said curtly, nodded, and sped off.
Alysae was left standing alone, with her mouth slightly open. What happened? She walked back slowly to her seat, still shocked.
She was so confused! Haldir's moods seemed to be everchanging. He was cold and arrogant, but he was also concerned on her behalf, had offered to help her get better with knives, had let her vent out her frustration... he'd even drawn in her sketchbook!
Oh, she remembered that very well. Imagine her surprise and shock, when she'd seen a sketch of herself, sitting down, with her brow lightly furrowed, and so well done, it would seem as though a mirror image of herself. She had spent hours staring at it, tracing the picture lightly with gentle fingers.
She did not understand why he had drawn it.
But the more she looked at it, the more she saw details appear; there seemed to be shadows under her eyes, and her cheeks looked a little less round than before, and her eyes... Was this how she appeared to others?
Like a shadowed, broken girl?
She felt so incredibly stupid and felt ashamed at her reactions during the dance: she had made an absolute fool of herself, trembling, and faltering, and stuttering. Why couldn't she control herself?
And now, he was most likely never going to speak to her again.
She shook her head. She was not going to let the Marchwarden spoil her night.
-xxx-
She was having a reprieve from dancing and talking as she sat on her own, a glass of sweet juice in one hand. She liked to observe the room, look at each dress, each face, the decorations, the sounds of laughter.
Alysae, come, a low feminine voice spoke in her head, raising shivers down her back. Let us speak. She turned around quickly, scanning the room for the Lady. She found her in a corner, a little away from the festivities. Alysae hesitated, but Galadriel beckoned her forward and she had no choice.
"You wanted to speak with me?"
"Come, child," said the lady gently. Her white dress made no sound as she moved, almost gliding out of the room. Alysae followed her, her head swarming with questions.
The music grew faint behind them, and the sound of voices and laughter became a distant murmur, as they walked away in silence.
Then, once they came to an open space, where no one dwelled, as all were attending the feast, the lady stopped. She turned to Alysae, her hands folded in front of her.
"Child, I know about your illness," she said.
"Is there something you can do about it?" asked Alysae, a tiny spark of hope just beginning in her. Could there, could it be? Could she heal?
"You are fading," said the lady.
I know! she wanted to scream, feeling a little disappointed. Of course I know, it's all I ever think about! But she forced her mouth shut.
I know you do, came Galadriel's voice in her head. Alysae gave a start, having momentarily forgotten about the fact that Galadriel could read her mind.
"Please tell me," she pleaded desperately, "I know you have seen something."
Lady Galadriel looked away, her face turned. "Whether I look into your soul, or into the mirror, I only ever see one thing," she said in a low murmur.
"What did you see?" Alysae anxiously searched the lady's sideway visage.
There, Galadriel turned to face Alysae fully, her piercing eyes unwavering. "I can only slow the fading, not stop it." Her words were spoken softly, with just a hint of sadness, but they felt as though they had been shouted in the air. Everything stilled.
Alysae felt like she had just received a blow to the stomach. All the air left her lungs in a rush.
"W-what?"
"It has been clear to me, Alysae," said Galadriel, stepping closer, "that, before the end of the year, you will die."
"W-what?"
"I am sorry," said the lady, her hand cupping Alysae's cheek, with something akin to sympathy, pity and sadness in her gaze.
Alysae abruptly jerked away, turned her heels and ran.
She wiped her tears furiously. Of course, how could she have been so stupid? Everything had been going so well, she knew it could not last. But now, this?
She clenched her jaw shut, squeezing her eyes to relieve them of the pressure that was building up. A tighteness in her throat made itself known.
Why, oh why, had she been so stupid to think it would last?
And why could she not be happy?
-xxx-
merry christmas! or whatever you celebrate! or if you don't celebrate christmas then merry* day!
also little pinterest treat:
Sam: Merry Christmas everyone!
Pippin, whining: mERRY CHRISTMAS? WHAT ABOUT PIPPIN CHRISTMAS? I WAnt pIpPin cHriStMas!
So I wish you all a very pippin christmas!
* dear readers currently reading this fic, I, Peregrin Took, absolutely and completely deny the use of this word. From now on it shall be read as pippin day. Have a very pippin day, and pippin christmas of course, see ya, lads! i'm off to second breakfast! ~P. T.
Reviews Responses:
(brace yourself)
Mustard Lady: XD, I take it you're a divergent fan? Not mentioning the profile pic ofc... Well, it seems no one thought Haldir was going to be involved, altho there were hints. :) Yup, lets see how it goes :) Hope you liked this chap!
PrettyRecklessLaura: Hope you enjoyed :)
mystarlight: I love catching people off guard!
Annabel Jones: There might still be a chance for Ro, who knows? ;) Will do, will do. :)
Dream Plane (Guest): Thank you very much for the kind review! I hope you liked this chapter!
Pat (Guest): Hope you liked this chap!
the7horcrux: changed your penname? Thank you so much for the kind review :)
Katia0203: She got to dance with him! I hope it was to your liking :) and yes, as I've said in this chap, Alysae didn't really have friends before, so it's kinda new to her? I honestly love writing these ellith so much *grins*
Scylla's revenge: No really, it's fine. Your review honestly motivated me, and that's great, because I've unfortunately hit writer's block, but I'm trying to push through. I went back and edited what you said (thank you about that!) Haldir I'm sure eats about a dozen eggs every morning, just to keep that hot Marchwarden body ;)
Thank you for your kind review! Hope you enjoyed :)
Ponytail Goddess: I'm doing yours last :) First of all, wow. I'm glad you enjoyed my story just as much as I enjoyed yours :)
1) Yes! that's how it begins: with an intriguing start. Glad to have caught you in my story net :)
2) Legolas-Alysae sibling relation is super fun to write. I know I haven't really explained how or why Thranduil took her in, but I'm planning to either do flashback chapters, or just do an entire fic, a sequel about Alysae as a young child and how she adapted to life with elves. Not sure what would be better tho, any thoughts?
3) I'm not sorry to say that Alysae has Legolas wrapped completely around her finger, she is def going to be a weakness of him. Gollum gives me the creeps, but I feel just so much pity for the poor creature, you know?
4) I'm not sure if Orcs have souls or not. I know that the first ones were the result of tortured elves, so I think that their souls left and went to Mandos? Or maybe, when you kill them, their souls are finally free? Idk.
5) Hobbits+Alysae= too much trouble!
6) That is the whole plot of the fic: Alysae's illness and the effect it has on her life. It's also majorly a coming of age fic, about growing up. Alysae's character really evolves in this story.
7) Why does the Ring give her those images? hmm... (me trying and failing to sound mysterious)
8) I wish I could answer that, but really I cant, I really must try to keep my mysterious facade. Sorry! ;)
9) The thing about Alysae and Legolas' conversation, is that I did not really know how to write it (couple it with the fact that I felt in a weirdly good mood, hence the humor in this chap), I thought I would leave up to you readers to guess what happened. Of course, if you really do want to see the scene, I could always do a flashback (Ive thought about that).
10) I've never fallen in love before, so I'm not sure how accurate it was. But I guess its the fun about writing! I honestly miss writing Alysae-Legolas interaction too :(
11) Thanks! I actually hope they do too... ;)
12) I love hearing about theories :) can't answer them tho...
13) I'm really mean: just when you think you're about to get answers, you either get more questions, or absolutely nothing ;)
14) Wow, thanks!
15) Elrohir & Elladan are my secret loves (not so secret I guess)
16) see answer to 13) ;)
17) Thank you :) I try. The thing about this fic is that I'm trying to balance light with dark.
18)I know Haldir is really out of character (when compared to the books *gasp*) but, its fanfiction. And yes, Alysae is still very young, and very hurt, and not in a very good place right now. Haldir is an arrogant elf who needs a reality slap. ;)
19) I'm glad you enjoyed! It makes me feel all kind of mushy inside :) Haldir, Elrohir, hmm... Let's see what the future's got in store for Alysae. ;)
Thank you very much for reviewing all these chapters, I really hope you enjoyed this chap!
Phew. Pippin Christmas, you last courageous peeps who read all the way to the end ;)