AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Just wanted to say thanks to all of my wonderful viewers have favorites or taken the time to review, I absolutely LOVE hearing from you, it means the world to me! To the Guests whom I can't respond to, please know that I see what you're writing and I appreciate your comments and feedback.
We're starting to get into the meat of things now. This is a bit of a heavy chapter, but for all the angst and drama, I promise we'll get some lovely fluff and happy feeings down the road. For now, pull up a chair, sit in a bean bag, or curl up in a comfy spot and enjoy!
For the first time in ages, Marie woke up before her alarm went off, a new energy coursing through her. She took a moment to open her eyes before she rolled over and stretched, laying on her back as she replayed some of the scenes from the night before, electrified by the possibilities that lay ahead for her today.
She sat up, but before she'd even taken a step out of bed, there was a knock on her door. She stood up, grabbed her wand and threw on a dressing gown before realizing it was the wrong damn one. "Just one moment, please!"
She tossed her wand on the bed and searched frantically for the other one before she finally grabbed it and put it in the pocket of her robe. If she'd had a moment more she might have considered casting a quick spell to tidy her hair, but instead she opened the door. "Good morning!"
Lord Kent was standing there, fully dressed, looking alert and perfectly put together as always. "Good morning, Ms. Cloutier. I hope you slept well."
"I did, thanks." Not a total lie, she'd made a point to have her lights out before 11pm—hoping he would check—but her body clock was so off that even though she was exhausted, she still laid awake, tossing and turning, and indulging herself in inappropriate thoughts until well after one in the morning.
"This was just a courtesy reminder that you are to begin your day at 7am. Do you have your wand?"
Marie pulled out Soren's wand and showed it to him. "Of course. Never without it."
"May I?" He took it in his hands for a moment and rolled it around in his fingers. He'd been so angry when he found it, he hadn't taken a very good look at it, although as he'd thought back on it, he'd been thoroughly confused. "Spruce, is it? I must say, when I first saw it I thought it was quite an unexpected wand wood for you, Ms. Cloutier. I thought perhaps I'd been mistaken, but it appears I was not. What's in the core, if I may ask?"
Oh God, he knows. "Unicorn, of course," she said smiling, hoping he wasn't becoming suspicious. She actually had no idea what was in the core of this blasted thing, but her real wand was unicorn, so that was the first thing that came to mind. "And you know what they say, the wand chooses the witch and all." You liar, stop making it worse!
Snape raised an eyebrow, "Indeed." He ran his hand over it once more, taking it's features. "How extraordinary," he exclaimed, before handing it back to her.
Don't panic, Marie, he doesn't know! She took her wand back as soon as he offered it to her and shoved it into the pocket of her dressing gown, hoping to end any more discussion about it. "Anyway, thanks for coming by to check."
"What are your plans this morning? A walk? Meditation? Yoga?"
"Oh, um…I haven't really thought about it yet." She glanced over her shoulder to the window and saw the morning light looked bright, and it didn't seem to be raining or overly foggy. "The weather looks decent, maybe I'll take a short walk, get some fresh air in my lungs."
"If you would like some company, I'd be more than happy to join you," Snape said, hoping he hadn't been too bold. "But I wouldn't want to intrude, this is part of your self-care."
Marie's heart jumped at his offer, but she didn't want to appear too eager. "Sure, if you'd like. I just need a few minutes to get ready."
"Take your time, Ms. Cloutier, I'll be in the parlor whenever you're ready." He turned around to leave but quickly looked back at her. "Make sure you wear something warm, it can be quite crisp here in the mornings, I wouldn't want you to catch a chill."
She smiled. "I will, thank you Lord Kent."
He nodded and headed for the stairs.
After Marie closed the door, she let out a silent squeal to herself. OMG, Marie, stop acting like a teenager. But she couldn't help it, she was giddy. Was this a date? Or was he just making sure that she stuck to her plan. Either way she was more excited to start her day than she had been in a while.
She didn't want to keep him waiting too long, but she had to change several times until she'd found an outfit that she felt was just right. At first she'd tried one of her new hair and make-up spells but after looking at herself in the mirror she thought she looked like she was trying to hard, so instead she wiped her face clean, threw her hair up in a bun and kept things simple, just some moisturizer and a lip gloss. She ran out the door before she realized she had the wrong damn wand again and went back to get Soren's wand and put it in her sleeve. Your wand on the right, Soren's on the left.
It wasn't until she reached the stairs that she realized she'd forgotten to put on a sweater and had to go back again, not wanting to disappoint the man after he'd made a point to make sure she was warm enough. By the time she made it down the stairs, she was practically out of breath.
Snape was sitting calmly in his armchair sipping tea and reading the Daily Prophet. He looked up at her as she came in, having heard her almost manic footsteps and heavy breathing as she raced down the stairs. "Is everything alright, Ms. Cloutier? You seem almost…dyspneic."
"Sorry, I just forgot my sweater so I had to run back." She tried to look relaxed but her face was flushed and she was having to work to hide her labored respirations.
He set down his tea and folded his paper. "I told you there was no need to rush. The idea is to start your day with something calm to focus your mind. It defeats the purpose if you end up more frazzled. Take a moment to breathe and compose yourself."
Marie smiled, brushing a piece of stray hair from her face, hoping she didn't look too disheveled. "I'm fine. Really. Ready whenever you are."
Snape gave her a mildly disapproving look but stood up, running a slow hand down his robes before walking to the door that opened directly into the back garden. "Come along, then."
The sun was fully up over the horizon, but there was still a bit of dew on the grass and a mild fog that made the air damp, causing it to feel much colder than expected. Marie was glad she'd put on a sweater, but she wished she'd worn her heavier robes. Of course, Lord Kent was in his usual thick wool pants and frock coat, but even he had put on a thicker set of robes for their walk.
They strolled in silence for several minutes, Snape looking out at his vast grounds, soaking them all in. This was probably his favorite part of the whole Manor. Designing the gardens and planting everything had been an enormous part of his healing in the first year after his near death. Watching the plants bloom and grow after the land had been neglected for decades was like being reminded that new life could still come forth and thrive, even in a place that had lain barren for years. He poured his energy and emotions into the soil, planting and tilling, and tending to each and every seedling like it was his child. And now, looking over it all, he felt proud of what he'd created. And aside from the maze, which he'd customized with several self-made charms, he'd used very little magic to do it. The physical labor had been essential to his transformation, he needed to feel the dirt in his hands and pour his literal sweat and tears into the earth. And when it was finished, he'd never been more satisfied. Watching the flowers and leaves come and go as things died and came back again had been a beautiful reminder that life had its seasons, and that it was both fleeting and eternal at the same time.
But now his thoughts were heavy with worry about what he was going to do with Soren, and it was eating at him constantly. Part of him was desperate to tell Marie, just to share the emotional burden, but he was nowhere near ready to open himself up in that way. He'd sworn to himself he would shut the door on his past permanently and never look back— it was the only way he'd been able to move forward in peace. So there was no way he wanted her to know who he really was, what he'd done, the darkness in his past. That person was gone, he reminded himself, like the perennials in his garden, he had died and returned anew, the essence was the same, but it was a new life now, and he hoped this time, the world around him would be less hostile, allowing him to grow and thrive in a way he never could before.
"I should have worn thicker robes. You weren't joking about the chill," Marie said, rubbing her hands together and breathing into them.
Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts and back to the present. Snape stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her. "I will never joke when it comes to your health, Ms. Cloutier." Without another word, he removed his outer robes and slung them around her.
"No, please! I'll be fine!"
"Don't argue with me, Ms. Cloutier," he said tersely as he adjusted the robes on her far smaller frame. He fussed like a parent trying to dress an uncooperative toddler, first pulling the robes tightly around her, then tucking each arm through the sleeves and pulling it up around her shoulders and neck, before cinching it tightly around her waist until he was satisfied she'd be warm. "I'm not being gallant, I'm being practical. If you fall sick, I'll be forced to take care of Soren all on my own and I'm afraid that would be highly inconvenient for me at the moment."
"Yes, what could possibly be worse than spending a minute more than necessary with your son." She could tell by his tone and the look in his eye that he was only kidding, but before she could say anything else, she was hit by the instant warmth of his thick, heavy robes as he gift-wrapped every inch of her completely, followed by his gorgeous smell enveloping her from all sides. Suddenly she felt a rush of heat to her core, and it had nothing to do with the extra layer of fabric he'd put around her. It was heaven.
"Precisely. I'm glad you understand." Next he pulled out his wand and reached for both of her hands, gathering them up in one of his. They were freezing, but also soft and delicate, and they felt tiny inside of his own large hand. He had a sudden urge to bring them to his lips, but he controlled his impulses and instead gently tapped the top of her wrists with his wand. "Your hands are like ice. You should wear mittens next time."
"You know what they say, cold hands, warm heart," she quipped awkwardly, immediately cringing to herself. Shut up, Marie, you sound like a freaking idiot. Before she could say something else ridiculous, she felt her hands warm considerably, but it was unlike any warming spell she'd ever felt.
"What an adorable little adage to compensate for poor circulation, or in your case, even poorer preparation."
She ignored his snarky comment. "What spell was that?" she asked in complete awe. It felt like her hands were encased in a warm hug. Most warming spells lasted a few seconds, heating things up but then needing to be recast because they couldn't hold the heat. But this…the warmth was somehow contained around her. "This is incredible!"
Snape gently released her hands and replaced his wand. "Just a little spell I came up with. It's loosely based on the concepts behind the Bubble-Head charm, except you create a pocket of air and heat around your hands or feet or body, anything really. But it works best in a smaller area. I find it lasts far longer than the average warming spell."
It was something he'd spent years perfecting, finding it invaluable on those nights he was off doing tasks for Dumbledore or even You-Know-Who. And although he would never admit it, sometimes when he was awake in his bed at night feeling particularly lonely, he would cast it around himself, just so he could feel the comfort of being held, even if no one was really there. But he would die before he ever admitted that.
"I don't think I've ever met anyone who just creates spells like that. How did you learn how to do it? They definitely didn't teach us that at school." Marie was constantly surprised by his magical prowess. He was incredibly gifted, it seemed like such a travesty for him to just sit alone in this big Manor letting all of those skills go to waste.
"I enjoy innovating. From the time I went to Hogwarts, I spent every minute of my free time consuming vast amounts of information on the theory of magic, and then I just started experimenting. Once you begin to understand how the spells really work, there is a lot of potential to rework and improve them, or even create brand new ones."
"Wow," she said. "Well thanks, I feel much warmer now." She tried to give him a smile but he turned away before she could make eye contact.
Marie slowed her gait slightly, not wanting the walk to end too soon. There were several paths running through the gardens, but they took the longer one that looped all the way around and would eventually bring them right back to where they started.
"You didn't spend your free time playing Quidditch and running secret missions to the kitchens late at night with your friends? I swear, we wasted so much time at school getting up to the silliest things. And talking about boys, of course. Lots and lots of time talking about boys,' Marie laughed, hoping that by sharing something from her own school days, he'd share more as well.
"As you know, I'm quite a solitary person. And I enjoy scholarly pursuits. I went to school to learn, not socialize, so no, I didn't run around after curfew stealing food from the kitchens like some kind of depraved street urchin. I studied, I read, I practiced more and more difficult magic until I could master it."
"But why? What's the point in learning all of that and never getting to use it?"
Snape waited several seconds before deciding how to respond to that. "You should be careful making assumptions, Ms. Cloutier. You know how that saying goes."
Marie knew he wasn't going to tell her much more, the man was an enigma. She was hoping he might give her more of a glimpse into who he was and what he was about, but as always, he brushed her off the moment she tried to ask him anything remotely personal.
"Well, you missed out. Some of the best years of my life were at Beauxbatons, it was like a constant adventure. I met some of the best friends of my life there…" she stopped herself and her smile fell slightly. She'd done a terrible job keeping up with some of them. Several had families of their own now, and they were scattered all over the place, but still, she should have made more of an effort.
"How quaint." Snape could easily say that while those were far from the worst years of his life, they certainly weren't his best either. And he didn't have any friends. Not wanting to sound pathetic, he instead turned it around. "You do realize school is meant for learning, Ms. Cloutier. That's why it is called the Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, not the Beauxbatons Palace for Mischief and Gossip."
"Well, maybe it can be both," she chuckled. " L'académie de l'espièglerie et commérages, it has a nice ring to it actually." She smiled and then realized they were nearing the end of the path. It felt too soon, she was enjoying this time alone with him. And for once, she wasn't in trouble.
"You should know, learning for the sake of gaining knowledge is a completely worthy endeavor all on its own. One doesn't need to do anything with it for it to have value. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge—like art— has intrinsic value by virtue of existing. A painting isn't any less beautiful or meaningful if no one ever sees it. The same goes for knowledge."
Marie thought about this for a moment, realizing she'd never had these kinds of deep conversations with anyone else before, it was like she was satiating a hunger she didn't know she had. "True. I guess I haven't spent enough time learning for pleasure. Years and years and years of school, cramming in everything they want you to know and then spitting it back out on an exam later, only to forget half of it a few years down the road. It's kind of sad, actually. I like learning, but I feel like I've rarely had the time to do it just for myself, not for a purpose." This felt particularly true considering how much she'd spent on her education over the years.
"I find formal education to be rather like eating in a cafeteria or a buffet. You hold out your tray, people slop a bunch of food on it, or perhaps you serve yourself, and you move down the line. There's a lot available to you, but everyone essentially gets the same limited offerings, and while you can certainly fill up on it, after a while it becomes almost unbearable to have another bite. Whereas learning on your own is like dining at a fine restaurant, where you get to choose from a wide variety of options and will be served things you didn't even know existed. Sometimes you realize it's not for you, but other times it challenges your palate. Sometimes you are satiated, other times it leaves you wanting more. Desperate to seek out another meal just as delicious somewhere else. You are free to sample all kinds of cuisines, to savor them slowly or gorge yourself on them until you can't take another bite. And maybe, you will get just the right combination of flavors that will inspire you to want to create something just as delicious on your own."
Marie was hypnotized listening to him talk. "I've never thought of it that way, but it makes sense." Wow, fucking brilliant, Marie. Come on, at least try to sound a little bit smarter! It was a beautiful metaphor, but then her stomach growled and all she could think about was breakfast, which made her feel even more ridiculous.
As they got to the end of the path, Snape turned to look at her. "Thank you for allowing me to accompany you this morning, I needed that. I hope we can do it again some time."
Without waiting for a response, he walked to the door and held it open for her.
"Thank you," she said, as she walked through it. Once she was inside, she took off his heavy robes and handed them back to him, instantly feeling a sense of loss and loneliness. "Thanks for helping me stay warm."
He took the robes and nodded. "Perhaps next time you will dress more appropriately for the weather. A thin cardigan is hardly what I had in mind when I advised you to dress warmly. And I had better see mittens on your hands next time you go out in the morning. Really, Ms. Cloutier, you need to take better care of yourself before you fall ill."
He was being a tad patronizing, but Marie loved it when he talked to her that way, the combination of a mild scold laced with care and concern. Perfection. So of course she had to return it with a bit of sass, just to push him a bit further. "I know, isn't that why you put me on a self-improvement plan? Although at this point I think I'm old enough to know how to dress myself, thank you very much. Besides, everyone knows that you don't get sick from the weather, it's because of viruses and bacteria. Or did you not read about that when you were doing all of this learning in your spare time?"
Snape raised an eyebrow and lowered his voice. "My my, the fresh air must have gone to your head, Ms. Cloutier. That is quite a bit of cheek for this time of the morning. I would mind myself if I were you, I'd hate for you to end up with a black mark on your very first day, even before you've even had breakfast."
"For what? I haven't broken any of my rules," she said in her most innocent voice.
"Haven't you? This isn't exactly the good example you're supposed to model for Soren, now is it? I think you know exactly how I'd respond to that kind of cheek coming from him, so you'd do well to make sure you don't speak to me like that in front of him. Speaking of which, it's getting late, you should probably go wake him so he can get ready for breakfast. It's not a holiday, we have a schedule to keep to."
Marie blushed slightly, pleased with herself that she'd gotten exactly what she hoped for, a bit of irritation, a veiled threat, and a stern look but still with a tone she knew meant he was enjoying it. She loved goading him and skating along the edge, and she was pretty sure he reveled in having a reason to scold and lecture her further.
After breakfast, Snape went down to the dungeons as he usually did, but today he was finalizing a new batch of Polyjuice. He'd actually made several, and was modifying them slightly, but he needed Harry to bring him the potion they used at the Ministry if he was going to try to brew something that was capable of interfering with it. Whatever it was, it wasn't something publicly available, or even anything that had been published in the scientific journals. It was obviously something they'd developed internally and without a sample, he had no idea what he needed to do to interfere with it.
Snape was so deep in concentration that he nearly missed lunch, and it was obvious to Marie that his mind was somewhere else. He checked her wand, of course, but otherwise ate quickly and said very little.
Before he stepped away from the table, he addressed both of them. "Mr. Potter will be here this afternoon. We have business to attend to first, but perhaps I can bring him by the classroom when we're finished. I know you've been curious about meeting him, Ms. Cloutier, so congratulations, today all of your dreams come true," he said with an extremely sarcastic drawl.
"And me! I want to see him too! Can I show him my bank? Oh and how we do maths with the baking set?"
"I imagine nothing would thrill him more." Snape turned toward Marie. "However, I don't want to interfere with your lesson plans, so if that is not acceptable to you, please let me know and we'll do it another time."
Soren kneeled up on the chair and leaned on top of the table, putting his hands together like a prayer. "Please let him come, Ms. Cloutier! I told him all about you and I want to show him what I'm learning and he's really nice!"
Snape clicked his fingers. "Sit down properly, and don't beg. You know better."
"It's no problem at all, Lord Kent, I'd love to meet Mr. Potter and give him a quick tour of the classroom. And obviously Soren will be very happy to show him what he's been learning."
Soren celebrated silently, he could see his father was in no mood today for the least bit of nonsense. Not that he ever really was, but especially not today it seemed.
"Very well. I shall see you both later." Snape turned his attention to Soren one last time. "And I expect you to be on your best behavior this afternoon. I don't want Mr. Potter to think I'm letting you play about all day instead of getting a proper education. And you might want to thank him for his help in putting out the fire in your room. He was surprisingly…adequate."
Snape puttered in the dungeons before returning to the parlor to greet Harry, who came through on time, and thankfully alone.
"Good to see you, sir."
"Do you have the potion?" Snape asked gruffly, ignoring the man's friendly greeting and getting right to the point.
"Yes, of course."
"Right, follow me. We'll be conducting these experiments in my potions lab." Snape turned and Harry followed behind him, taking the winding stairs down to the dungeon.
Harry was impressed with the size of it, and as he looked around at the hundreds of ingredients jarred lining the shelves, he couldn't help but get flashbacks to Snape's office at Hogwarts. The man had set everything up so similarly, that he was hit by a wave of nostalgia, even though he'd never been there before.
Snape clicked his finger. "Quit daydreaming, Potter. We have important work to do. Give me the potion."
Harry pulled it out from his robes. "This was all I could get, so we'll just have to use it sparingly."
"I know potions have never been your forte, Potter, but some of us are perfectly capable of making sparing use of ingredients. Unlike you, I'm not planning to blow up 20 batches of it with my incompetence, this is more than sufficient." He snatched the bottle from Harry's hand. "Now sit," he said, pointing at one of the stools by his lab bench.
For the next several minutes, Snape took samples of the potion and dropped them into various vials containing a multitude of different potions, trying to decipher what the active compounds were.
Harry watched in awe as his former teacher worked with speed and finesse, a look of deep concentration etched on his face. He had a million questions he was dying to ask the man, but he knew Snape well enough to know when to keep his mouth shut.
"It's Ashwagandha, centaur hair, yarrow root…and it appears there is some kind of essence of Veritaserum, although not quite. I'll need to run a few more tests to be sure. For now, I think it's best to run an experiment to see how it reacts with the Polyjuice I've brewed."
Snape reached for a vial he'd bottled earlier, and then went to a shelf and pulled down a box. When he opened the lid, there were about 100 different small compartments, each of them containing locks of hair. On the lid of the box, in a grid, was a key. Some had names, others just description. "F, 20s, dark skin" or "M, 80s, blue eyes."
Harry nearly gasped, he'd never seen anyone who'd amassed a collection of human hair in this manner, it was both creepy and fascinating. He stared as he tried to decipher some of the names on there.
"What? It's incredibly useful. Besides, most of this is leftover from…before. And close your mouth, Potter, you'll catch a fly." Snape reached for some hair in the top left hand corner, dropping it into the Polyjuice.
Harry closed his mouth as requested.
"Last time you took my blood for the potion. What did you have from Soren?"
"We used his hair, sir. Just a bit."
Snape stared. "Yet you chose to use my blood? Can you use either?" This could give him a clue to some of the magical properties at work in the potion.
"I think so. I just figured you didn't want me touching your gorgeous, flowing locks." Harry gave him a cheeky smile. "To be honest, they always use blood for the adults. I think so they can be sure. You're not the first person who has wanted to interfere with results from a paternity potion."
Snape scowled. "I'm not trying to shirk my familial duties or take advantage of a defenseless orphan, I have a very good reason for what I'm doing. And don't give me cheek, Potter, I don't care who you are, I'm still your elder."
Harry tried not to smile and nodded his head. "Of course, sir. I apologize." There was something endearing about being told off by the man after all these years, after everything they'd both been through. It harkened him back to a much more innocent time in his life. And he couldn't quite explain it, but ever since he'd found out the truth about Snape and all he'd done for him through the years, he'd developed a kind of fondness for the man, even if he was more surly than he'd ever been.
"Well, we'll try both. It might actually be the key to finding a workaround with this potion."
"I hadn't thought of that," Harry said.
"Unsurprising." Snape said flatly. "Now we'll start with a control to make sure the potion reacts properly to me prior to the Polyjuice. I had Tinny cut some of Soren's hair while he slept." He unwrapped a small piece of parchment that had several locks of dark brown hair. He took a few strands and added it into the paternity potion, and it changed from green to blue.
"That's what it usually does when you add the first sample," Harry said.
Snape carefully decanted the potion into three smaller vials, hoping to save as much of the original as possible in case he needed to run more tests. "Very well, we'll start with my blood."
Unlike last time, Snape took it upon himself to draw blood from his finger, knowing his precision wand work wasn't going to result in the loss of hand. He would have never trusted Harry to do that, he was liable to maim him permanently, and he happened to want and need his fingers. He squeezed a few drops into the first vial and it bubbled and fizzed before turning gold, just as it had done previously.
Next Snape pulled out a few of his hairs and put them in the second vial, and it was less dramatic, but eventually it turned a similar, although far less shimmering gold.
"So we know it works with hair. Perhaps, then it would be possible just to do a bait and switch."
"What do you mean?" Asked Harry.
"I mean, Potter, that the hair I give them is my own, while the rest of me is under the influence of Polyjuice."
"I don't know, sir. They almost always insist on using blood for this very reason."
"Is there any circumstance when they will accept a hair sample instead?"
"I've never seen it happen with an adult, only for the kids."
"Fine. Now let's see how the potion reacts when I take the Polyjuice." Snape took a sip of the freshly brewed Polyjuice and Harry watched as his face contorted and his hair changed from black to a mousy brown, his eyes a pale blue, and his frame shrunk until he was looking at a random middle aged man with a round face and a soft body in clothes that were far too big for him, although a few of the buttons were bulging in the middle. "Quit staring, Potter, it's no one you know. A Muggle from Cornwall, if I remember correctly."
"Right, sorry sir." It was odd hearing Snape's caustic words and distinctive delivery in someone else's body and with a completely different tone. It was still…Snape-like, but very much lacking some of the intimidation that came with the deep voice, hardened face, and imposing figure. In fact, if they weren't in the midst of something so serious, Harry would have been downright amused.
Snape repeated the experiment, squeezing his blood into the vial and waiting to see a reaction. Nothing happened. He squeezed in two more drops, but there was no change.
Next he reached up and pulled out several of the light brown hairs, throwing them into the test vial. Still no change.
"Sorry, sir." Harry said, knowing the man would be disappointed. "It's not recognizing you as the father."
"Yes, Potter, I can clearly see that." Snape reached for a vial of his Polyjuice antidote, taking a swig and changing back to his own body.
Harry could see that he was crushed, even though his face had changed very little, but there was a sadness in his eyes he could only recognize because he'd seen it before. In Snape's memories, and as he lay dying.
"Unfortunate, but not entirely unexpected. At least now I have a better understanding of some of the properties of the potion." Snape feigned nonchalance, but he was gutted. He knew he was running out of time and his potion had failed.
"I was really hoping this would work. I'm not sure how much longer I can delay them."
"Well, figure it out, Potter. I don't care what you have to do, but I need more time." Snape was starting to panic now, realizing he needed to start from scratch and had days, if that, before the Ministry came barging in to take Soren.
"I can't. It is out of my realm of influence, sir. I'm sorry."
Snape towered over him. "The Boy-Who-Lived, the hero who saved the entire wizarding world, incapable of using his fame and status to buy me another week or two? You vanquished the Dark Lord as a barely legal brat, and now you're telling me you can't possibly find a solution to this? Oh for Merlin's sake, Potter, don't give me that nonsense."
"I swear, I can't."
"You're lying. You can, but you won't, there's a difference. I know you detest me, but this isn't about me, it is about saving my innocent child from trauma or ruin. I am confident I can find a solution, but I need more time. Tell them we're on holiday, or that Soren has been sent out of the country to a distant relative, or that our entire house has Dragon Pox. I don't care how you do it, but do something. I. Need. More. Time."
Harry took a deep breath. "I don't think you realize how serious this is, sir. When it was first created, the Children's Ministry was overwhelmed, but now it has been a few years, there are tons of people working there with not a lot to do…you're at the top of their list. Everyone is wondering if this is the illegitimate son of Severus Snape and what he is possibly doing in the north of England in some random wizard's manor house.
Snape reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer. "Don't you dare call him illegitimate, Potter. I might not have known he existed for the first 7 years of his life, but Soren is my son, and no child should ever be dehumanized with a label like that. He's as legitimate as you or I. Don't let me ever hear that abhorrent word come from your mouth again." Snape sneered, baring his teeth, his eyes electric with anger as he released him.
"Sorry, sir. You're absolutely right." Harry was shaken, but suitably remorseful. He hadn't realized just how fiercely protective Snape was over the boy.
Snape had no response to Harry's acquiescence. "Well, what are you going to do? If I need to, I will take him and disappear. Don't think I'm incapable."
"I have no doubt, sir."
"I don't want you to placate me, Potter, I want you to do something." Snape's frustration was growing.
"I'll try my best. Really. But I don't think you know how much attention this has kicked up internally."
"Then make something up. Create a diversion. Burn down the whole department. Get everyone sick with the flu. It's not that hard, Potter. I spent years of my life coming up with extraordinary lies and grand displays to cover for your reckless behavior. To divert the Dark Lord, to keep his attention elsewhere while I played three-dimensional chess. I did it for years. Surely you can do it for a few weeks. I need more time. I'm working on several new potions, but I need more time."
Harry had never seen this kind of desperation from his professor before, whatever he might say, it was obvious the man cared deeply for his son. It was also clear he loathed being dependent on Harry.
"Well? Are you going to do it, or not? If you're planning to be useless, I need to know now so I can devise my own plan."
"It's not that easy…"
"Useless. As expected. I don't even know why I thought for a moment I could even begin to count on you."
"It's complicated…I have a baby on the way, you know."
Snape scowled, deeply. "And? Do you expect me to throw you a party? People procreate every day, Potter, it's not an achievement. Despite my greatest efforts to avoid it, even I ended up with a child."
"I'm just saying, I have to be careful. I can't risk losing my job or getting into trouble with the Ministry… Ginny and the baby need me."
"Hogwash. You're the bloody savior of the world, you could scrawl ten words on a piece of parchment, publish it and wake up the next day as a best-selling author. If I'm supposed to be concerned for your reputation and your financial well-being, Potter, I am not."
"I'm just saying, I have to think about other people now."
Snape scoffed. "Oh really? Isn't that rich. You didn't give a toss whose lives you put in danger with your shenanigans the entire time you were at Hogwarts. But what is that, the Gryffindor spirit? You have to make a big production now about how you put others first and sacrifice yourself to be a martyr?" Snape gave him a slow clap. "A true hero is amongst us."
"Sir, please." Harry knew it was like dealing with a wounded animal. Snape was disappointed and afraid, and he was lashing out by being cruel.
"I apologize that I'm not your usual cheering section, Potter, next time I'll be sure to recruit others, I know it must be impossible to do anything without at least a dozen people there to tell you how magnificent and brave you are." Snape was really on a roll now, all of the feelings he'd been harboring for years were finally erupting out. He didn't know where it was coming from, but he wasn't going to stop now.
"Please, Professor. I just need to be really careful."
"What's this? Harry Potter…being careful? I must be living in an alternate universe, the very idea is absurd. Do you have any idea what torture I endured, for years, trying to protect you, having to lie for you and cover for you every time you had a hare-brained idea that put your life at risk? I have far more scars on my body from that than you even have years of life."
Harry looked ashen. "Really?"
"Who do you think covered for your recklessness? Who suffered for it? Whose body and mind were invaded and tortured to protect your innocence every time you did something irrational. You have no idea, Potter, what I endured to keep you alive."
"I'm sorry…I was just a kid. If I'd known…"
"If you'd known? You were an arrogant, spoiled brat who was always too big for his britches, who gallivanted around the castle spouting nonsense, engaging in dangerous stunts that constantly put others at risk. Even your own little friends. Do you honestly believe you survived all of those years due to your own merit? I spent every waking hour protecting you, and you didn't even have the decency to follow basic school rules or, Merlin-forbid, give me an ounce of respect as your teacher, much less the person who was enduring constant torture on your behalf."
Harry had learned a lot about Snape from his memories, and he knew the man had protected him, but not to this extent. This was a new and painful revelation, and it made him sick. "I had no idea…honestly. And believe me, I know I didn't stay alive because of my own merit…I know. And I should have given you more respect, although if you remember, you weren't exactly kind to me. But yes, you're right, I was reckless and irresponsible…I was a stupid kid making terrible choices because I didn't have a single adult I could trust or depend on. And now I realize that, now I understand that. And I'm sorry— truly sorry for every bit of pain you endured on my behalf."
"Don't try to placate me, Potter. Aside from your father, you are one of the most uppity and foolhardy students I have ever come across in all of my years at Hogwarts. It's only a shame you didn't end up in Slytherin, where I might have had a chance to put you back in line."
Harry paused, shaken. "I nearly did…the hat wanted to put me there, you know."
"Nonsense."
"I'm serious. I begged it not to, so it put me in Gryffindor, but it wanted to sort me in Slytherin."
Snape raised an eyebrow in surprise. "What a shame. I would have enjoyed putting you in your place, Potter. What a disservice the hat did, giving in to your pleas. Had you been in Slytherin, you would have had to answer to me. And I can assure you, after a few good thrashings, you would have thought twice before engaging in some of the absurd shenanigans you got up to."
"I thought those were rumors," Harry said, with disbelief. "Did you really smack the Slytherins?"
"I ran a tight ship, Mr. Potter. I might not have taken points, but I can assure you every single transgression was dealt with in house. Soundly. My Slytherins knew better than to flout the rules without knowing they'd be given their rightful comeuppance."
Harry sat back, the realization hitting him. "No way. So that's why you never took points from the Slytherins? I always thought you were showing favoritism."
"Hardly, Mr. Potter. I just found that my own punishments were far more effective."
After a few seconds, a smirk passed by Harry's lips. "Does that mean you spanked Draco? Fucking brilliant." Harry was imagining his arch nemesis getting smacked like a kindergartener, and even after all of these years, he couldn't help but feel immense schadenfreude.
"That's absolutely none of your business, Potter, don't be childish."
"Oh please, you want me to believe in 7 years, Draco never did anything to warrant smacking? No way. He was such a tosser back then. I really hope you gave it to him good, he definitely deserved it.\"
"Careful, Potter. Need I remind you that you nearly killed Draco, or have you forgotten? Had you been in my own house, you would have been caned. Severely. I still cannot believe that you got off so lightly for attempted murder, it remains to this day one of the worst things I've ever witnessed as a teacher."
Harry went white as a sheet. "I never meant that to happen…I had no idea what that spell did, but if I had, I would have never used it. Think what you want of me, but I'm not a violent person. Even if I hated Draco, I would have never intentionally harmed him to that extent. Never."
"Once again, you were incredibly lucky I was there to save him, and you. If it hadn't been for me, you would have been a murderer before you even came of age. Even your father didn't manage to add that to his impressive school record."
Harry felt his emotions swell, Snape had hit him in two of his most sensitive spots. He stood up with his hands clenched at his sides and began to shout. "If you remember, that was YOUR spell, you psychopath! At least my father didn't go around creating spells capable of killing people! And I didn't do it on purpose! Draco tried to kill me first!"
Snape didn't back away, he stepped forward, towering above Harry at his full height. "You were the one so arrogant you dared to cast a spell without even knowing what it did. I was never so irresponsible, not even as a 12 year-old. Now sit down, Potter, and get control of yourself before you have an aneurism."
Harry took several deep breaths, a sick feeling washing over him as he remembered that horrifying day in the girl's toilet, blood everywhere, Draco gasping for breath, fear in his eyes as death hovered over him. Even if he'd hated the man, Snape had been his savior that day. A single minute more and he'd have been living with the weight of killing a classmate for the rest of his life, one he was sure he could never have managed. "Fuck!" he screamed, "I didn't mean it!" before collapsing into sobs.
"Calm yourself, Potter," Snape said harshly, recognizing that he was beginning to hyperventilate. He grabbed him by both arms. "Breathe. Right now." He could feel Harry collapsing slightly but he held him firmly.
Harry needed the grounding, and the feel of Snape's hands gripped tightly around his biceps, his harsh voice, his commands, helped him come back into his body. He gasped for air. "I'm sorry!" he cried out.
"Enough, Potter. It's over."
Harry took a moment and stilled himself, finally calming down. "You're right. I was stupid and arrogant, and I should have never cast that...and I'm glad you were there to save him. And me. When I saw what I did, it terrified me. I hated myself. You have no idea how sorry I am for that. I regret it. Deeply."
"As you should. I begged Dumbledore to punish you properly, but of course he refused."
Harry's emotions were overwhelming him now, despite the fact he was 25 years old, he still had nightmares about that day, and the guilt had never fully left him. "I know, and I wish he had…I still beat myself up for that."
Snape was curious seeing this grown version of Harry Potter admit to these feelings, he could see the true remorse in his face and it was satisfying. Yet at the same time, he was feeling something else. It was clear Harry was still filled with so much unresolved pain, and for the first time Snape felt…empathy.
"I'm glad you recognize the severity of your actions, Potter. But as you said, you were a child. Reckless, arrogant, and over-emotional, but a child nonetheless. It's time to let that go now."
Harry collapsed on the stool, putting his hands in his face and rubbing his forehead. "Why didn't he punish me?"
Snape scoffed. "Dumbledore could never. I offered my services to deal with you the way I felt you deserved and he was too concerned that it would break your spirit, harm your ability to do your job. You were an asset, not a boy. You know that by now, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do."
"That's not to say he didn't care for you, but he had a purpose for you. And no one was allowed to lay a finger on his Golden Boy. Not even when he desperately needed it."
Snape wanted to feel smug. Isn't this what he always wanted? Harry Potter admitting to all of his faults, crying, apologizing and being repentant. But there was something about this conversation that was hitting me on a deeper level, and it was almost…healing. To hash through these old wounds and resentments with an adult Harry Potter, who despite what he might say, seemed mature and rational, and even apologetic, was affecting him far more than he wanted to admit.
"So if he'd let you, you'd have caned me?" Harry said, his head still in his hands.
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Without a moment of hesitation Potter. And I'm sure you would have been far better off for it."
"Yeah, maybe…I was in a really bad place that year and I wish someone had really cared enough to do something, to intervene. To take that burden from me. I was still a kid, but I was dealing with all of these adult problems, yet I didn't have a single adult who was willing to treat me like I was a normal teenager. Everyone treated me like I was made of glass, but instead of making me feel loved and protected, it made me feel lonely. Isolated. Different. I was angry and lashing out and desperate for some boundaries, for someone to be there for me as a person, not just The Boy Who Lived."
For the first time, Snape felt bad, truly bad for adult Harry. He put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Potter. I should have advocated more for you. I fought with Albus constantly about this, but I should have done more. You deserved better. From everyone…including me." It was the closest he'd ever get to apologizing to Harry, and they both knew it.
To his dismay, Harry choked out a sob, Snape's tenderness being so unexpected it opened the emotional floodgates. "Fuck, I don't know what's wrong with me."
Snape stared for a minute before he spoke. "Because it wasn't fair. Ever. You were robbed of a normal childhood, of love, of support. Even for the people who cared for you, you were a means to an end, not a full person. No one worried about the potential damage they were doing to you because no one believed you'd ever survive…Yet here you are."
Harry wiped his face, "Now that I'm about to have my own child, I can't even imagine putting a poor kid through everything I've been through. All of the people who said they loved me, but they didn't show it. Not really." Harry didn't know why he was pouring his heart out to Snape like this, but somehow he felt that he was one of the only people who would truly understand.
Reaching into his inside pocket, Snape pulled out one of the endless supply of handkerchiefs he kept there and handed it to Harry. "Understandable. Being a parent…changes things. As a father now, I see things differently. There is something about having your own child that makes you keenly aware of all of the ways you were failed in your own childhood. You have every right to be angry and hurt for what was done to you. It is inexcusable. All of it. And all you can do now is work through your own pain and make sure you do better for your own child."
"Yeah." Harry wiped at his face with the handkerchief.
"On the upside, the bar is so low, it is practically below ground. Even you can't muck this up, Potter."
Harry laughed through his tears. "True."
Snape had no idea where these words were coming from, how dramatically his feelings had changed over the course of this conversation. But something deep within him was compelling him. As much as he loathed it, he and Harry had more in common than either of them would like to admit. They had both been pawns in a game they didn't choose to play, although Harry far more so. Snape could at least partially blame himself for ending up in the position he'd been in. But he was seeing Harry as a whole person now in a way he had never fully allowed himself to before, and he found himself craving the reconciliation.
Harry wiped at his tears. "Yeah…sorry, I'm not sure where all of this is coming from. I never talk about my feelings, I certainly never thought I'd be trauma dumping on you, of all people."
"And I never thought in a million years I'd be begging Harry Potter to help me keep custody of my son. It appears we'll both have to get over it."
Harry had a new respect for the man, and a new resolve to help him. "I'm going to figure something out. I promise. I'll buy you some more time, no matter what I have to do. Do you really think you can find a workaround for the potion?"
"Potter, please, don't insult me. Do you honestly know anyone alive today whom you believe is more proficient than me when it comes to potions? I highly doubt it. If I can't find a solution, there isn't one. But we'll cross that bridge if we get to it. Right now I have some new ideas to try out, and plenty to work on.
Harry was impressed with the man's confidence. He wiped his eyes once more and blew his nose before casting a cleaning spell on the handkerchief and offering it back to Snape.
"Keep it, Potter. I've got more than enough." He'd considered a snide remark about disgusting Potter germs that no cleaning spell in the world could ever rid him of, but for once, he didn't feel like being unkind.
"Thanks."
"You are under no obligation, but I know Soren would like to see you and show you his classroom. Ms. Cloutier is also eagerly awaiting an introduction. That is, if it won't inconvenience you too much, I know you're a very busy and important man."
Harry smiled. "I'd love to."
When Snape appeared with Harry in the doorway to the classroom, Soren was sitting at his desk practicing his letters and using a quill while Marie stood at the board with a piece of chalk, showing him the strokes of the letter E.
As soon as Soren realized they were there, he jumped out of his chair to go greet Harry.
Snape clicked loudly. "Get back to your seat. You do not jump up in the middle of class. Finish what you are doing and then when Ms. Cloutier gives you permission, you may come say hello."
Harry had to stifle a grin, Snape was so predictably Snape-like, even now. Poor Soren would never get away with a thing.
"Why don't you write 10 more letter E's, Soren, and then you can take a break," Ms. Cloutier said, setting down the chalk and making her way to the back of the classroom.
"Mr. Potter, this is our governess, Ms. Marie Cloutier. She is a graduate of Beauxbatons and has several advanced degrees in education, both from muggle and magical institutions. Ms. Cloutier, this is Mr. Harry Potter, whom I'm sure needs no introduction."
Despite his less than enthusiastic tone, Harry was amazed Snape hadn't used that opportunity to say something snarky. He held out his hand. "It's nice to finally meet you, Soren has told me a lot about you, he just adores you."
Marie smiled, shaking his hand. "That's so kind. He's an wonderful little boy. He is quite a fan of yours as well, as you can see. He's been so excited all day he could barely sit still."
Snape scowled. "I hope he wasn't causing trouble, Ms. Cloutier, he knows how he is supposed to behave in class."
Marie felt bad, she hadn't meant to say anything that would get him in trouble, he was just excited and a bit hyper, asking every 20 minutes if Harry was still coming, when he was going to be here, can he show him this, that, and the other. "Oh no, Lord Kent, nothing like that. I could just tell he was looking forward to seeing Mr. Potter."
"You can call me Harry. Really. I'd prefer it, actually. Mr. Potter makes me think I'm about to get detention," he joked.
There was nothing Snape could say to that, they were both adults, and in fact Marie was several years his senior.
"Feel free to call me Marie," she replied. She'd asked Lord Kent several times to call her by her first name, but he absolutely refused and she'd given up trying. Although now she kind of liked the formality, there was something old school about it that she enjoyed, it reminded her of the characters in her Jane Austen novels.
Just then, Soren turned around, looking disappointed and sad he was stuck at his desk writing when everyone else was laughing and smiling and enjoying themselves.
Snape glared at him and moved his finger in a circle to indicate he should turn back around, and he did, sighing loudly. He still had 4 more E's to write.
"Can I show you around the classroom?" Marie asked.
"Yeah, sure. That'd be great."
Marie took him to the reading corner and then walked him through some of the other stations she'd set up where they did their various interactive work. When she showed him the baking station, he was pretty impressed.
"Wow, this is amazing. I used to hate doing maths at school, it was so boring. I would have loved this. What a clever way to teach fractions," Harry said, holding up the measuring cups.
"I take a lot of my methods from Montessori, it's a muggle style of education, have you ever heard of it?"
"No, never. I grew up with muggles, but I just went to our little primary school down the road. Nothing fancy. 30 kids in a classroom and a bunch of worksheets and an exasperated, overworked, underpaid teacher."
Marie smiled. "I had a similar experience in elementary school, but it's really great for kids to learn by doing. To learn concepts in a practical way. Math can be a difficult thing to teach because people think they'll never use it, but really we use it all the time. So, by following a recipe and using different measurements, Soren gets to practice adding and subtracting, following directions, understanding units of measurement and getting a feel for the math in a real world scenario. It's definitely a lot more fun and it also creates a far greater understanding of numbers that helps make math more intuitive. There's some great studies on this."
Snape kept silent, but he could see Harry was impressed and he was proud of having Marie as his governess. She was bright and articulate, and even if he still wasn't fully sold on her way of doing things, he could respect that she knew what she was doing.
Just then, Soren put his quill down and turned toward them, raising his hand.
Marie looked up. "Yes, Soren? Are you finished?"
He nodded, "Can I get up from my seat now?"
"May you," Snape corrected, sternly. "Please."
Soren tried again. "May I please get up from my seat now, I finished my letters."
"Of course, Soren. Do you want to show Mr. Potter the rest of the way around the classroom?"
Soren's face lit up and he walked as fast as he could without running over to Harry, grabbing his hand. "Do you want me to show you my bank? When I save up enough of my classroom money, I can trade it in for a color-changing quill. Isn't that cool?"
"Very cool," Harry said, taking the boy's hand as he dragged him around the classroom, showing him his favorite books, and how they practiced shopping and baking. Then he dumped out all of his coins and counted them out for Harry, proud to show off his skills, not just for Harry, but for his father as well who looked on with quiet approval.
"That's really impressive, Soren. Great job!" Harry said enthusiastically putting his hand out for a high five.
Soren gave him a high five, beaming with pride. "Do you want to see my new room? Oh, and thanks for putting out the fire. My room was all destroyed so my father and Ms. Cloutier fixed it and it's super nice now. I have my own bookshelf and a reading chair and everything!"
"I'm sure Mr. Potter has better things to do, Soren, he was being polite by coming to see you, he no doubt has plenty of other work he needs to take care of."
"Please? Just for a minute?" Soren whined, clearly disappointed, pulling on Harry's hand.
Snape was about to scold Soren for whining, but before he could, Harry spoke up.
"Sure, I've got some time. I don't actually need to rush back to the Ministry just yet. Why don't you show me your room, Soren." Harry took the boy's hand and allowed himself to be dragged across the hallway.
"Harry seems really lovely," Marie said. "He's way more humble and down to earth than I expected. And he's so sweet with Soren."
Snape had to control himself from rolling his eyes. "Yes, humble is certainly one of the first words that comes to mind when I think of him. A true paragon of modesty."
Marie looked over at him. "I can't actually tell if you mean that or you're being sarcastic, Lord Kent. But I think Harry's pretty great, and I hope we'll see more of him here."
"I have no doubt we will," he said, as he exited the classroom, leaving her question unanswered.
After Soren showed off his room, at Marie's insistence, the four of them had tea in the parlor as Snape sat quietly in his armchair, participating as little as possible.
His mind was reeling, both with concerns about Soren, but also because his conversation with Harry had unsettled him, opening old wounds and forcing him to unpack feelings he'd boxed away years ago.
He thought about some of his own words, about how becoming a parent had made him see his childhood wounds in a new way, making the wrongs that were done to him somehow even more unforgivable. Which somehow made his current predicament all the more painful. No matter what way he looked at it, he worried he would cause Soren permanent emotional damage, and if he didn't figure out a way around the Ministry, he was doomed to decide which was the lesser of two evils.
"Thanks so much for having tea with us, Harry, I hope you'll come back soon!" Marie said enthusiastically.
Snape was once again forced out of his deep thoughts and back to the present.
"When are you coming back, Mr. Potter? Next time can we go outside? I want to show you the back garden and the maze, it's really fun, isn't it Ms. Cloutier?" Soren said, excitedly.
"Mr. Potter is not your playmate, he is a busy official of the Ministry. Now stop pestering him." Snape scolded him. He was going to have to give him a talk about not bringing up that damn maze every time.
Harry smiled. "I'm sure I'll see you soon, and you can show me everything in the back gardens. Now I'm afraid I must go, thank you for the tea and the interesting conversation. I'm quite excited to learn more about your plans for building a school, Marie, and when the time comes, if I can help in any way, please let me know."
"Thanks, Harry, that's so generous. I'm a long way from starting it, but it's definitely my big goal, so fingers crossed one day it will happen."
"I'm sure it will."
Harry stood up, and Marie gave him a quick hug, and Soren followed suit.
Not wanting to be rude, Snape stood from his armchair and walked toward the fireplace. "We'll be in touch. Keep me updated so I know what to expect."
"Of course. But you can count on me, I promise."
Snape hoped it was true. Harry had his flaws, but Snape knew that when he gave his word, he meant it. It was part of his whole Gryffindor valor. And as nauseating as Snape found the whole idea of it, in this case he hoped it was true.
"Take care, Mr. Potter," Snape said, as he brought down his bowl of floo powder, offering it to him.
"Take care," Harry said, taking a handful of floo powder, taking a moment to look his former professor in the eyes before giving him a small smile. It wasn't a cocky smile, or a fake one, but a gesture of understanding and good will. A "thank you" and "I'm glad we talked" and "I appreciate you" all in one.
Snape gave him the briefest nod in return, and at that moment, a bridge was mended between them.
Once Soren was in bed, Marie prepared herself for her first nightly check-in with Lord Kent. It had been an odd day. The day had started out brilliantly, and she'd enjoyed the time she spent with him walking in the morning, but for the rest of the day he seemed so…distant. Cold.
She was sure it didn't have anything to do with her, and if she had to guess, it was probably related to whatever business he was attending to with Harry. Nonetheless, she felt disappointed. He'd barely spoken a word to her at lunch or dinner, and every minute outside of meals and the time they'd spent with Harry, he'd been holed away in his lab or his study, only appearing in the dining room at the last possible minute, and leaving the second he finished the meager portion he'd put on his plate.
She knocked on his door and heard the familiar "Enter" which immediately caused her stomach to clench. There was something about the anticipation of seeing him, and hearing his commanding voice that gave her a thrill.
"Come, sit," he said, his face unreadable. He wasn't angry or upset, she was pretty sure, but neither did he have that twinkle in his eye that she knew meant he was enjoying her presence.
Marie sat on the edge of her chair, looking across the desk at him. There were lines etched in his forehead, and his face was tense.
"I won't keep you long. Do you have your checklist with you?" He asked, putting his hand out, getting straight to business.
"Oh, yes, of course." She stood up and handed it over to him, but he refused her eye contact, instead staring down at the journal.
"Sit." He said, keeping his eyes on the paper.
She immediately sat back down, waiting in hopeful anticipation for his response.
"It appears everything is checked-off. Do you have any thoughts on your day? Anything that was challenging?"
"Oh, um, not really. I enjoyed our walk this morning, it definitely gave me some extra energy, although I found I needed to rest a bit after lunch."
He looked up. "And did you?"
"Yes, I actually slept for 20 minutes or so."
"Good."
"Otherwise, I feel pretty good about everything. Do you have any feedback for me?" She was desperately trying to engage him, but he was like stone, and she knew she shouldn't let it affect her so much, but she couldn't help it. It felt like rejection.
"Other than your minor episode of cheek this morning, it appears you've done well. I don't think there's much more for me to say."
Marie had to swallow back tears. Why was he being so cold? She'd expected a bit of praise, some encouragement. Something. "Is everything alright, Lord Kent? You seem, not like yourself."
He finally looked up at her, tossing her journal across the desk until it landed in front of her. "Everything is fine, Ms. Cloutier. You may be dismissed." He picked up a quill and put his attention back on whatever it was he'd working on before she got there.
Was that it? No banter, no scolding, no reminder to go to bed on time, or to wear warm clothes tomorrow. Nothing. She sat for a moment in stunned silence before he looked up, irritated. "Are you waiting for me to roll out a red carpet? Surely you know your way to the door by now. You may leave," he said curtly.
"Sorry, Lord Kent." Tears were burning in her eyes now and she got up to leave quickly before the dam broke and she couldn't control it. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," he replied flatly, not looking up.
As soon as she closed the door behind her, hot tears began to run down her cheeks. What the fuck Marie? It's not that big of a deal, get it together! But no matter what she said to herself, the tears still came, and her deep disappointment was inconsolable.
She went straight to her room and cried in bed, fully neglecting her nightly routine. She didn't brush her teeth, or do her skincare routine, or write in her journal, or even bother to change out of her clothes. Nor did she remember to set her alarm for the next day. Instead she threw her journal across the room and cried herself to sleep, alternating between self-pity, disappointment, confusion, and anger.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
What did you think of Marie and Snape's walk? Were they connecting?
What about Snape and Harry rehashing their past? Will this bring them closer together? Do you think they can put the past behind them and work together. I feel like they both kind of need each other.
Also WHAT is going on with Marie and Snape at the end here— they connected so well, and then Snape went cold. Is she going to screw it all up or will she come to her senses and get it together. Will Snape realize what he's doing to her? See how invested she really is?
Tell me everything!