AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Thank you to EVERYONE for your amazing comments. It is so much fun writing this with you! This chapter is definitely going to start to dig deeper. We've got some feelings here, folks. ENJOY!
Marie slept hard for nearly ten hours before she was roused by a loud knock on her door. Groggy, she grabbed her clock to check the time and panicked, it was already a quarter past 7. Shit. She shot up quickly, snatching Soren's wand from her side table as she rushed to the door.
"Hi!" she said, attempting to sound awake even though her voice was still coated in sleep. It wasn't exactly the vibe she was going for— she hadn't meant to sound so cheery— but she'd clearly overshot the amount of energy she needed to feign wakefulness on 20 seconds of notice.
Snape stood with his arms crossed, his face obviously displeased. "You should be up and doing your morning routine by now. Yesterday was just a courtesy, you're supposed to be managing your schedule on your own, I am not your personal alarm clock." He scowled at her before glancing down and realizing she was still in yesterday's attire, albeit far more wrinkled. "Did you sleep in your clothes?"
Marie blushed as she ran her hand over the creased fabric of her shirt in vain. "I was exhausted last night, I fell asleep before I could finish getting ready for bed."
He raised a disappointed eyebrow before softening his face and looking her over carefully for any signs of illness, concern flashing in his eyes. "Are you…unwell?"
"No, just worn out I guess." She pushed a stray piece of hair from her face, was trying not to engage too much, refusing to make eye-contact, even though she felt loads better after a long night of deep sleep. Even though he was being perfectly reasonable with her, she was still kind of annoyed with him and she wanted him to recognize that she was giving him the cold shoulder.
"Well, you obviously needed the rest. But don't make this a habit." He tapped his wrist with urgency. "It's not too late to do a few minutes of meditation or yoga, in fact I'd highly encourage you to get back on track this morning."
What? No scolding, nothing? Marie grew even angrier that he didn't care enough to even say much about it. He'd completely dismissed her. "I'm going to take a walk," she said, hoping he'd invite himself along so she could tell him she wanted to be alone.
"If you like…just be back in time to wake Soren for breakfast."
"I'll be fine," she said, dismissing him, reaching for the door to close it.
"Very well," he said, before turning to head to the stairs.
Marie pressed the door closed with vigor. She was fuming now, how dare he dismiss her like that! She cleaned herself up and purposely neglected to bring a sweater or put on her warm robes. Maybe if she walked out the door dressed like this, he'd at least say something in warning. He'd made such a big fuss about her clothes yesterday, there must be something he has to say about it today.
She hurried down the stairs, passing him in the parlor where he was sipping his tea and reading. He didn't move a single muscle as she approached, clearly too engaged in whatever he was doing.
"I'm going out," Marie announced loudly.
"So you've said," he replied flatly, glancing up briefly before returning his focus to the pile of notes in his hand.
Marie paused another few seconds, waiting for him to mention her lack of heavy robes, or the fact she didn't even have a warm sweater, but he didn't look up again. She stormed toward the back door, closing it quite heavily behind her. Bastard.
As soon as the freezing air hit her face, she immediately regretted her decision. It was far foggier this morning and the moisture mixed with an icy north wind chilled her to the bone. Within 3 minutes, her teeth were chattering and she'd had to cast several warming spells before realizing it was futile, it was far too cold.
As much as she wanted her stubbornness to win out, she had no desire to die from hypothermia, so she prioritized her comfort and before she could even make it a third of the way around the loop, she turned back around, cursing herself, but cursing him more. Asshole. He doesn't care at all, he's so self-absorbed. UGH, I hate him! In a movement of pure petulance, she ripped a dead branch off of one of the bushes before throwing it as far as she could to the side, needing a release for her anger.
She stomped loudly back through the door and was surprised that when she passed back through the parlor, Lord Kent was nowhere to be seen, so she didn't even have the benefit of letting him see her all frozen, lips blue, and violently shivering. Which only served to stoke her rage.
Once she made it back to her room, she took a hot shower and quickly put herself together so she could wake Soren and get him ready for breakfast. Even though she'd managed to work herself up quite a bit, the warm shower had relaxed her and as soon as she saw Soren's smiling face, her foul mood seemed to life temporarily.
Breakfast was a somber affair, Marie was actively ignoring Lord Kent and spent breakfast picking at her plate, hoping he'd comment on the fact she was barely eating. But he didn't. In fact, he only had half a piece of toast before he excused himself to attend to work he had in the lab. Marie fumed to herself, but did her best to keep a smile on her face while Soren talked animatedly about his favorite new Curious George book in between sips of milk and bites of sausage.
The morning in the classroom actually did a lot to boost Marie's mood. Soren was so vibrant and engaging, she'd forgotten everything else until they once again returned to the dining room for lunch.
Snape breezed in at the last minute, and once again, said very little before excusing himself back to the dungeons where he was clearly in the middle of something important. He'd barely looked at her all day, and if he noticed that she was ignoring him, he made no mention of it.
Marie was pissed. She'd purposely put very little on her plate and had refused to take a single bite, but he hadn't even noticed. Her stomach growled, but she ignored it, her resolve greater than her hunger. She thought about that Kate Moss quote: Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. It was toxic, of course, but she was trying to channel a similar feeling. Nothing tastes as good as anger feels. She was determined to be on a hunger strike until he acknowledged her. It was immature, of course, but now she was committed. She didn't care what she had to do, she would get his attention.
This went on through dinner, and again, Lord Kent said nothing, seemingly oblivious to her and what she was (and wasn't eating), and even after dinner, he disappeared to the dungeons, leaving Marie ready to scream.
At their 8 o'clock meeting, he was equally dismissive, encouraging her to take more rest, sliding her journal back to her without a single admonition despite the fact she'd completely buggered her evening routine the night before and been late in the morning.
"Are you giving me a black mark?" She asked, prompting him.
"I hardly think falling asleep early because you were exhausted would be in the spirit of the self-improvement plan, Ms. Cloutier. There will be no gold-stars, but no black marks, either. Try not to let it happen again. You're dismissed."
Instead of crying herself to sleep, Marie couldn't sleep at all. She laid awake for hours, tossing and turning and trying to avoid all of the anxious thoughts that kept popping up against her will. At sometime around 4 or 4:30am, she finally fell asleep, but it was far from restorative.
When she woke up again at 5:30am, she just laid there, thinking about her life and her future, most of her anger from the day before having morphed into self-pity. At some point around 6, she dragged herself up and slowly got ready, not even having the energy to be stubborn. She was already feeling a little chilled so she wrapped herself in warm robes, put an extra scarf around her neck and headed downstairs before the sun was even fully up.
The parlor was empty when she passed through it, but the fire was blazing in the hearth, it was clear someone had tended to it earlier this morning, though she had no idea if it had been Tinny or Lord Kent. Marie pushed out the back door, disappointed to not even catch a glimpse of the man this morning, even if it was only so she could do her best to ignore him.
She ended up doing three full loops on the path, lost deep in thought before she caught his imposing figure standing in front of the back steps, arms crossed, clearly waiting for her.
"What do you think you're doing, Ms. Cloutier? You've been out here for more than an hour. Are you trying to exhaust yourself before you even start your day?"
Marie refused to engage with him, although she felt a slight boost from seeing him looking so perturbed. She walked up the steps past him, not stopping to look at him as she spoke. "Not really. I'm perfectly capable of walking for an hour without exhausting myself. Maybe that would tire some people, but I'm in perfectly good health." She nearly included "someone your age" but she decided to stay civil.
Snape gritted his teeth but said nothing else to her as she made her way inside and up the main staircase.
Marie felt smug, triumphant that at last she'd managed to get some kind of rise out of him, but as soon as that thought crossed her mind, her vision started to get blurry and dark and she had to stop and grab the bannister to keep from passing out. Fuck. Take a breath. She paused in the middle of the stairs, the lights flashing behind her eyes as she struggled to stay upright.
When her vision came back, she took the remaining stairs extremely slowly, her heart racing and the panic of nearly fainting causing her hands to shake. She glanced behind her to see if Lord Kent had noticed, but he was nowhere in sight.
At breakfast she knew she should eat something, but now she had no appetite. She took several sips of water, and attempted to eat a bite of eggs before nearly gagging on them and setting her fork down. This time it wasn't her stubbornness, she really just didn't feel like eating.
"Is everything alright, Ms. Cloutier," Snape asked, with a look of true concern. "You seem...ashen. Are the eggs not to your liking?"
"I'm fine," she replied, forcing a smile. "I woke up early this morning and had a snack before I went out." You liar! What was the point of that? OMG, stop it!
He stared at her. "You don't seem like yourself."
"I didn't sleep well, that's all. I'll be fine. This morning's walk invigorated me."
Snape scowled but said nothing else.
"We're going to learn about planets this week, aren't we Ms. Cloutier!" Soren was excited, bouncing slightly in his seat as he shoved in bites of egg and beans on toast. "And we're going to learn all about the stars!"
"Don't speak with your mouth full," Snape scolded half-heartedly, his attention turning momentarily from Marie. He pointed at the boy's chair and scowled. "Sit down properly, and finish your bite before you open your mouth, you're not at a trough."
Soren was unaffected by the scold, but he sat down, swallowed his bite and continued. "I love watching the stars on my ceiling, I can't wait to learn all about the solar system. Father, did you know that some planets have more than one moon? That's what Ms. Cloutier said. Wouldn't it be funny if we had five moons instead of one?"
Snape took a sip of his tea, still staring at Mary with concern before replying to Soren. "Indeed."
Marie could feel his eyes on her. Good. It's about time. But she refused to indulge him and instead smiled at Soren. "We're going to learn all about them, and build a model of the solar system to scale, that will be quite fun, won't it?"
"Yeah! I can't wait!" Soren said. "Father, can wizards apparate to the moon?"
Snape paused for a minute in contemplation, it was actually an incredibly interesting question. "Theoretically, I suppose it is possible. Although many people find it difficult to apparate to a place they've never been before. It would also to have to be a very powerful witch or wizard to go that kind of distance, and certainly it has never been done before. Most people can apparate a maximum of 5,000-10,000 miles without it completely draining their magic. For reference the moon is closer to 250,000 miles. Not to mention the challenges of apparating to a place with less gravity and no atmosphere. I'm sure Ms. Cloutier will explain all about that this week."
"That's really far. Is that more far away than Australia?" Soren asked, innocently.
"It's not even 10,000 miles to Australia from here," Snape said matter-of-factly. "The moon is twenty-five times further."
"Oh. Can you apparate to Australia then, father?"
Snape paused briefly with his teacup perched at his lips. "Yes. Although I would probably be inclined to rest afterward. I find apparating long distances to be…less than enjoyable."
"That's OK, Ms. Cloutier says you should always rest if you need to. I want to visit Australia. They have koalas and kangaroos. Koalas are my new favorite animal! Did you know their babies live in a pouch? When they first come out they are tiny like this" Soren showed how small with his thumb and forefinger barely apart.
"Charming," Snape said, tapping the table in front of Soren. "Now finish your eggs."
Marie's plate sat untouched, but Snape knew it wasn't within his purview to comment on what she was eating, although he was suitably worried. That being said, he had his own deadlines to attend to and as soon as he finished his tea and his toast, he excused himself. "Are you sure there's nothing else Tinny can get for you, Ms. Cloutier?"
"I'm perfectly fine, thank you."
He nodded and headed to the dungeon. "Very well, I will see you both at lunch."
"Ms. Cloutier, did you ever go to Australia?" Soren asked, shoving a piece of toast dipped in beans into his mouth with his hands now that his father was gone from the table.
"I haven't actually, but that would be a fun trip, wouldn't it?" She smiled at him as he continued on talking about his favorite animals.
They were a good two hours into their lesson when Marie started to feel extremely unwell. Her head was pounding and she was sure she was getting a fever, and when she stood up from the reading nook, she didn't even have time to brace herself before she felt her eyes go dark and she collapsed to the floor.
"Ms. Cloutier!" Soren shouted dropping his book and pulling at her arm. "What's wrong?!" He shouted at her once more with no response sprinting for the door.
Soran ran down the stairs as fast as he could, headed straight for the dungeons. He knew he wasn't allowed there, but this was an emergency and he screamed out for his father.
"Father! Come quick! It's Ms. Cloutier, she fell!" He attempted to brace himself on the damp, slick wall of the winding staircase until his father came angrily up the steps to meet him, picking him up under one arm and carrying him like a sack of flour the rest of the way up.
When they got to the top of the dungeon steps, Snape closed the door harshly behind him and set Soren on his feet before bending down and grabbing both of his arms. "What are you shouting about? You know you're not to ever come down there!"
"I know, but Ms. Cloutier fell! I can't wake her up!" Soren cried out in frustration.
"What? Where is she? In the classroom?"
Soren nodded.
Snape let go of the boy, stood, and rushed toward the classroom, Soren running behind him trying to keep up with his long, powerful strides.
When Snape arrived, Marie was sitting on the floor of the reading nook with her head between her knees. He rushed to her side and knelt down next to her with a hand on her back. "What happened, Ms. Cloutier? Are you injured? Soren said you fell."
"I think I fainted," she said, her head still between her knees. "I'm feeling light-headed, and nauseous. I don't know if I can stand up without passing out again."
Without a word, Snape scooped her up in his arms and stood. "That's it, we're putting you right back to bed."
Marie didn't fight it, instead burying her face into his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck. She could feel the heat pulsing off of him, and although she wasn't a particularly petite girl, he made it seem effortless as he carried her out of the classroom. She wanted to breathe him in, but she was afraid she might get sick, so she closed her eyes and tried to commit this moment to memory.
Soren was crying, the whole experience having given him an enormous fright. He trailed behind his father and Ms. Cloutier as they exited the classroom.
Snape looked over his shoulder. "Ms. Cloutier will be fine, Soren. Go to your room, I'll be there shortly."
"I want to go with Ms. Cloutier," he said in between small sobs.
"She'll be fine. Now do as you're told," Snape said over his shoulder as he took Marie to her room. When Soren continued to follow behind him, he paused and turned around, hardening his voice. "Go to your room, Soren, now. Don't make me say it again."
When Soren finally complied, Snape turned around and with an impressive display of wandless, wordless magic, he flung open the door to Marie's room and took her to her bed, laying her down gently on top of the mattress. Once she was situated he stepped back and looked at her. "Well, explain yourself. What on earth happened?"
"I wasn't feeling well, I got dizzy and I fainted."
He reached out and put a hand on her head. "You feel warm, I'll have Tinny fetch some potions. Is anything else hurting you?"
"My head a little. And my throat. And I'm still feeling quite dizzy and nauseous."
He snapped for Tinny and gave him specific instructions to bring his medical kit, where he kept a collection of common healing potions.
Snape made his way to the end of her bed and removed her shoes. Once he'd set them gently on the floor, he attempted to get her situated under the blankets, fussing over her like a mother hen. "It's no wonder you've taken ill, you've barely touched your food for the last two days, and like an arrogant fool you went gallivanting around in the gardens yesterday dressed completely inappropriately for the weather. And don't get me started on your hour-long sojourn through the gardens this morning despite the fact you'd barely slept or eaten. One would think you were invoking the gods in an effort to be struck down with some kind of illness."
Marie was too unwell to hear much of what he was saying, and far too weak to argue. But apparently he had noticed her efforts, not that it made her feel any better now, she was absolutely miserable.
"I don't know what kind of games you're playing, Ms. Cloutier, but I do not find them entertaining in the least. What on earth were you thinking?" He stood up and put his hands on his hips, his irritation morphing into deep displeasure.
In her weakened, delirious state, she turned herself on her side, facing away from him and closing her eyes. "You were ignoring me."
"I beg your pardon?" Snape was enraged now, but he continued to move around the bed, attempting to get her situated under the covers one limb at a time."I did no such thing. It may shock you to find this out, Ms. Cloutier, but I have far more responsibilities weighing on me than just keeping tabs on you and your self-improvement plan. The idea is that you're supposed to take responsibility for yourself, you don't need me."
"Yes, I do." Marie was in a dream-like stupor at this point, her high fever, the fainting, and the lack of food meant she had no control over her senses whatsoever. "I just wanted you to be proud of me…but you obviously don't care about me at all," she mumbled, not realizing she'd said it out loud.
"Absolute rubbish. You're a grown woman, and it is not my place to tell you what to eat or what to do. I was attempting to respect your autonomy. However, instead of encouraging you, it appears you were intent on throwing an elaborate tantrum, the result of which has caused you to faint in the classroom, leaving you completely incapacitated. You should be ashamed of yourself, Ms. Cloutier. Neglecting your self-care, making yourself ill, all because I refused to indulge you in your silly little games? This is the kind of ridiculous ploy I might expect from someone Soren's age, but not yours. It's pathetic."
"Sorry," Marie mumbled, into her pillow, barely hearing a word he said.
Snape moved around to the other side of the bed so he could roll her slightly, freeing the duvet from underneath her so he could finish tucking her in. He put one hand on her shoulder and another on her hip as he pulled her toward his chest. "Do you know what I told Soren when he tried the same nonsense with me? I let him know that if he ever dared to skip a meal in a bid for attention, he would go straight to my study where his backside would get the full attention of my slipper."
"That's not nice," Marie said, floating in space as his chest neared her face and she could smell him. "We just want you to look after us."
"What do you think I'm doing?" Snape said as he rolled her back down, exasperation evident in his voice. He continued arranging the last of the bedsheets around her just as Tinny appeared with his medical kit. He stood up and put the charmed bag on the bedside table, digging through it aggressively until he found several of the potions he was looking for. He pulled out four different vials before turning back toward Marie. "I have far better uses of my time than playing doctor for a petulant governess who clearly didn't get enough of Daddy's attention as a child so now she's throwing tantrums in a vain attempt to seek it elsewhere."
Snape probably shouldn't have said that, but he was sure Marie wouldn't remember a thing later, she was quite unwell and clearly out of it. He let out a deep sigh. "I need you to sit up slightly so you can take these."
Marie shook her head into her pillow, gripping the duvet and pulling it up further. "Don't feel well. I want to sleep."
"You don't feel well because you made yourself sick acting like a spoiled brat. You wanted me to take care of you and that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to help you feel better, now stop being obstinate and sit up."
Marie rolled onto her back and attempted to push herself up, but she was far too weak and dropped back onto the pillow, all without ever opening her eyes.
When it was obvious she wasn't going to be able to do it by herself, Snape put his hands under her arms and helped prop her up against the headboard. She collapsed like a rag doll, and eventually he sat on the edge of her bed so he could keep her steady by allowing her to lean on him, and one by one, he fed her the potions. One for fever, one for nausea, one for mild pain, and another for sleep and restoration—it was his goal to have her rest for the remainder of the day. When she was pressed against him, he could feel the intense heat from her fever radiating through even his thick wool clothes.
After setting down the other vials, he brought the last potion to her lips. When she refused to drink it, he softened his voice and coaxed her gently. "Open up, Ms. Cloutier, this is the last one. You're nearly finished, and then you can rest."
She pressed her lips together tightly and attempted to move her head away.
Using his hand to guide her face back around, he dropped his voice to an even lower tone. "Come on now, be a good girl, open your mouth." He allowed his thumb to stroke her cheek softly.
Together this had the intended effect and she slowly parted her lips, allowing him to pour in the contents of the final vial. "There we go. That's it. Now rest." He helped her lay back down, before readjusting her blankets and tucking her in, resisting the urge to brush the hair from her face and place a chaste kiss on her forehead.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, a stray tear rolling down her face. "I didn't mean to get sick."
"Well you certainly weren't doing yourself any favors when it came to preventing it. You wanted my attention, Ms. Cloutier, and now you have it. And if I had the authority to do so, you'd be going over my knee the second you were feeling better."
At this point Marie was practically on another planet, everything felt so distant, she was completely dissociated. "I wouldn't mind."
Snape scoffed. "You're delirious. And I can promise you, you would very much mind when you couldn't sit down for two days. Now sleep. I'll come back a bit later with some food, and don't you dare try to refuse it. You've caused enough trouble with your stubborn behavior."
"OK," Marie said, rolling over and falling into a deep sleep, his gentle scold only serving to warm her body from the inside as the potions took effect and she melted into the bed.
She wouldn't remember most of that conversation, but Snape was going to have a hard time forgetting it.
Snape tucked her in again before grabbing his medicine bag and heading to Soren's room. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He really did not have time for any of this.
Unsurprisingly, he found Soren tearful on his bed, cuddling up with his rabbit. He heaved a deep sob when he saw his father. "I don't want Ms. Cloutier to die!"
Oh for Merlin's sake. Snape stood at the edge of Soren's bed. "Ms. Cloutier is going to be just fine. She just has a slight fever, but I've given her some healing potions, and I'm sure she'll feel much better after she gets some rest."
"How do you know? My mummy got sick and she died," Soren said, wailing.
"I know, and I'm very sorry about what happened to your mother. But this is a very different situation. Your mother was sick with Dragon Pox, which is notoriously difficult to treat, even for the most experienced healers. And unfortunately, the spells and potions she attempted to use were too complex, which as you know resulted in a tragic outcome. Fortunately, Ms. Cloutier is at no such risk."
"But you said you gave Ms. Cloutier potions, what if that makes her die too?" Soren cried even harder.
"I made all of those potions myself, and I can assure you, no one is going to die as a result of my potions. Well, not unintentionally, anyway. I'm an extremely talented potions master. Ms. Cloutier will be just fine, she just needs some rest." And a damn good spanking.
"You promise?" Soren said, resting his chin on top of his rabbit.
"I promise. You have my word no harm will come to Ms. Cloutier." He pulled out a handkerchief. "Now that's enough tears. Take a moment to tidy yourself up and we'll have lunch. I will do everything in my power to make sure Ms. Cloutier is well taken care of, so you don't need to worry about that for another minute. Do you understand?"
Soren nodded his head and pressed his rabbit to his face. "I was so scared, father."
"Yes, I'm sure you were. But you did the right thing coming to get me. Well done."
"You shouted at me," Soren complained, his lip jutting out in a small pout.
"Yes, and I apologize. I couldn't understand what you were saying and I thought you were playing around on the dungeon stairs. You do know you are never to step foot down there without permission, don't you?" Snape eyed him cautiously.
"Yes, father, I know. It was only cuz Ms. Cloutier wouldn't wake up."
"I understand. Today was an emergency, but that's the only exception. And in fact, I would prefer if in future you called for Tinny and he came to get me. It isn't safe for you down there. Those stairs don't even have a proper bannister, you could easily fall down them and break your neck, not to mention all of the potions and other dangerous items around downstairs."
Soren nodded his head. "Yes, father."
Snape gave him a few pats on the back. "Good boy. Now take a few breaths, wash your hands and face, and we'll have lunch."
After lunch and a nap, Snape sent Soren outside with Tinny to play in the gardens, and then he'd sat with the boy reading in the parlor for nearly an hour leading up to dinner. As he'd done with each meal, he'd had Tinny leave a tray of food, but so far all of it had remained untouched.
Snape was so screwed, even though he and Tinny had taken turns checking on Marie regularly, his concentration had gone out the window, and he hadn't gotten a single thing done all day. He knew time was running out and it was frustrating to lose a whole day when he needed every spare moment he had.
After dinner, Snape helped get Soren ready for bed.
"Will you read to me father? I was really good today…..please?" Soren begged and the man relented.
"Very well. Which book?"
Oliver Twist! Soren exclaimed, pulling it off of his miniature bookshelf and handing it to his father before he climbed into bed.
As soon as Snape grabbed the book, his face went into a deep scowl. "What happened to my book? This is not what it looked like when it left my library." He stared down at Soren.
Soren's face went bright red. "I accidentally spilled some water on it, father. From my drinking glass. I'm sorry. Ms. Cloutier tried to fix it. It was an accident."
Snape was not pleased. "I thought I made it abundantly clear to Ms. Cloutier, but I will tell you as well. Taking books from the library is a privilege, but that means you are to take good care of them. If you're going to be careless with them, you will lose the privilege to borrow them. One of you should have come to me when it happened so I could fix it. Look at these pages, they're absolutely ruined. How extremely disappointing." He let out a deep sigh.
"I'm sorry, father." Soren knew it was his fault and he felt terrible. Not just about ruining the book, but because he also knew the truth, that it wasn't because he'd spilled his water, he'd been playing with his wand and he was sick with guilt. "I promise I won't let anything happen again."
"You won't get another chance, Soren. I mean it. I highly recommend taking better care of things people lend you if you want them to lend to you again."
"I will."
"Very well. Now where were you?" Snape didn't have the energy to belabor the point. He'd add it to the list of things he was planning to discuss with Marie. She'd done a passable job trying to fix it, but he didn't appreciate the fact she hadn't come to him and been upfront about it. He was pretty sure if he'd known, he'd have been able to get it practically back to new. But now the delicate pages had been exposed to several different spells and he wasn't sure if he could do much more without destroying them. That being said, he had far greater things to concern himself with.
"The policemen got Oliver, but then we stopped there."
Snape flipped through the book until he found the right chapter. "Now get under the covers."
"Ms. Cloutier always sits next to me when she reads," Soren said hopefully, scooting over to leave space for his father to join him.
"Well, I am not Ms. Cloutier" Snape took one of the small chairs from Soren's activity table and enlarged it, pulling it up to the side of the bed. With a swish of his wand, he dimmed the lights except for a small orb of light that hovered above the book.
"Wow! That's neat!" Soren sat up and tried to reach out for the glowing ball of light to see if he could grab it. "What's that!?"
Before he could touch it, Snape reacted in a flash, grabbing his wrist tightly and letting his wand come down with a quick thwack on the top of Soren's hand. "What do you think you're doing? You have no idea what the properties of that spell are. You have got to be more careful than that." Snape scolded him harshly as he let go of his hand. "Isn't Ms. Cloutier teaching you anything about safety and magic?"
Soren's eyes teared up and he rubbed his hand where the wand had stung him, before tightening his grip on his rabbit, and curling back under the blanket, his feelings smarting far more than his hand. "Sorry."
Snape watched the boy's face fall and he immediately regretted reacting so harshly. The fact was, the spell was completely harmless, but it terrified him that his son didn't have enough sense to be more careful around magic. His nerves had been on edge all day and he took a deep breath and softened his voice. "You should never touch things if you do not know they are safe. This is a globus luminus spell. This particular spell will not harm you, but that is not true for everything. There are other spells that could burn you or curse you. Do you understand?"
"Yes, father," Soren whispered, his face still locked in disappointment, his round eyes filling with tears.
"Magic can be very dangerous, Soren, and you have got to learn to be extremely careful around it. If you are curious about something, you may ask me or Ms. Cloutier and we will explain it to you and let you know if it is safe. I don't want to see you get hurt, ever."
A few silent tears rolled down Soren's face and he nodded. "I know."
"Good." Snape reached over and put a single hand on his shoulder. "Now then, do you have your rabbit?"
Soren nodded, wiping another tear from his face. "Yes, father."
"Alright, if you're all ready, let's begin." Snape was making an effort to keep his voice calm and warm, but he was feeling terrible that Soren still looked so dejected from the small rebuke.
Snape read to him for a good fifteen minutes before Soren closed his eyes. He continued for another page or two until he heard the type of deep breathing he knew meant the boy was fully asleep. Quietly, he marked the page with a spell and replaced the book on his small bookshelf before extinguishing the orb of light and pulling the covers up around the sleeping boy.
Although he was exhausted, he made his way across the hallway to check on Marie. Unsurprisingly, her tray remained untouched, but when he felt her forehead, she was finally much cooler. The second dose of the fever potion seemed to have done the trick.
Snape picked up a throw pillow from beside her bed and transfigured it into a comfortable armchair, settling down into it while pulling out a stack of papers from his jacket. Over the next several minutes, he perused his notes, searching desperately for an answer to the paternity potion conundrum, but despite his best efforts to stay awake, he fell asleep in the chair, his notes on his lap.
Several hours later, he awoke with a start as Marie let out a deep, barking cough. He illuminated his wand and stood up to check on her. She was covered in sweat, her fever far worse than it had been earlier, and she was struggling to breathe. He could hear a slight wheeze, and he noticed she was using all of the accessory muscles of her neck and shoulders to try to take in air.
"Ms. Cloutier, can you hear me? Can you sit up?" He lit a small lamp on her side table so he could see her more clearly.
She coughed violently again and then gasped for air, and Snape's heart raced as he tried to prop her up slightly on her pillows.
"Take slow deep breaths, Ms. Cloutier."
Snape called for Tinny to bring him several more potions, and then he wet a flannel with cool water, pressing it to her forehead and her neck, attempting to cool her slightly and get rid of some of the sweat. When Tinny returned, he sat her up further, pouring several stronger potions down her throat. He wanted to help open her chest up with a salve, but she was far from being in her right frame of mind and he panicked that she would wake up and feel violated if he did so.
He left her propped her up on several pillows, hoping to open her airway a bit more by positioning her more favorably. She moaned a bit as he did, obviously uncomfortable.
"Ms. Cloutier, I have a salve here that will help you breathe. May I put it on you? I will be gentle, but it will help open your lungs so you won't struggle as much to bring in air."
She didn't respond, but he was worried that if he didn't try something, her oxygen would drop quickly and he'd have no choice but to send for a healer, or—Merlin forbid—drag her to St. Mungos.
Gently he spread the cream on his fingertips before starting with the skin around her neck and her throat, gently massaging it in. It tingled underneath his hands as he smoothed it over the top part of her chest, staying on the exposed skin at the level of her shoulders and collarbones. It wasn't ideal, but he was afraid to go any further down while she was clearly obtunded.
Instead he leaned her forward slightly. "I'm going to put this on your back, that should help your breathing immensely." With his wand, he opened the fabric of her shirt at the seam, baring her back completely, but ensuring that the front of her remained completely covered. He could see the retractions between her ribs even more clearly now and he felt terrible, she was far more sick than he'd first realized.
The skin of her back was a smooth alabaster, and his hands glided over her ribs as he massaged in the salve. But each time she coughed, he could feel the rales and rattles vibrate deep in her lungs, making it obvious that she'd developed pneumonia, and the potion she needed the most was something he didn't have on hand. He could brew it in a matter of hours, but he was reluctant to leave her in the state she was currently in. He considered sending for a healer, but he feared that could make things messy. Of course if he had to, he would. He wouldn't risk letting anything happen to her, but it would be highly inconvenient. He rolled his eyes at the realization that he'd probably have to get Potter to help him with the arrangements. But hopefully that wouldn't be necessary…he was confident he had the knowledge and experience to heal her on his own.
He gave the potions and the salve a few minutes to kick in, and when her fever was down and her breathing improved, he ordered Tinny to keep close watch on her while he set off for the dungeons.
In the potions lab, he brewed feverishly until nearly 6am before he finally had several vials of the purple potion he knew would help heal her. It would burn going down, but four or five doses of this should cure the infection in her lungs.
Racing back upstairs, he found Marie sitting up slightly, her eyes barely open. "I'm thirsty," she said, her voice raspy and weak. She coughed hard a few more times until she nearly gagged, her face turning red as she gasped for air. "I don't feel well."
"You're quite ill, Ms. Cloutier. It appears to be pneumonia. I've brewed you a special potion that should help with the infection, and then we'll get you some water."
It took her another thirty seconds before she recovered her breath enough to sit up further.
Snape cupped her chin gently and tilted her head back, pouring the purple potion down her throat. It burned going down and her eyes teared. He stopped pouring and brought her head back to a neutral position just as two tears ran down her left cheek. Without thinking, he wiped them with his thumb.
"I know this potion isn't pleasant, but it will help." He reached for a glass of water on her tray. "Take small sips, I don't want you to choke on it if you have another coughing fit."
For several minutes, Snape cradled her head gently as he brought the glass to her lips, instructing her patiently to take small sips of water.
"I'm sorry," she said, tears welling in her eyes as she stared up at him.
"Hush. Right now the only thing you need to worry about is resting and healing." He was using a soothing tone with her, not wanting to upset her and send her into fits of coughing.
"Can you," Marie said, attempting to look at something on the table that was now filled with vials of different potions. "More?"
"More what?" Snape asked. "You can have some of the anti-tussive in an hour, same with the pain potion."
She shook her head. "No, that." She attempted to lift her hand, but found she was too weak, so instead indicated with a tiny nod of her head.
Snape looked over at the table, then saw the container of salve, lifting it up to show her. "Do you want me to put more of this on you?"
She nodded, replying weakly "Yes."
"On your back?"
Marie nodded. "Everywhere." She attempted to unbutton her pajama top but fumbled for several seconds without success.
Snape put his hand on hers. "Wait, Let me take care of it. Lie back and rest, I'll do my best to protect your modesty."
Marie leaned back on her pillows and closed her eyes, exhausted. Once again, Snape scooped the salve onto his fingertips and gently rubbed it along her neck and throat. Next he unbuttoned just her first two buttons and smoothed it along the top of her chest above and right under her collarbones. "May I go a little bit lower?" He asked gently and waited for her to nod before he slowly massaged the salve onto the left side of her chest, mindful to stay just above the swell of her breast, his smallest finger just millimeters from her areola. "Are you alright?"
Again Marie nodded.
"Would you like me to stop?"
"No," she whispered.
He took another scoop, and without opening her shirt any further, rubbed it into the right side of her chest, moving his hand in small, slow circles, being careful to stay well above her nipple and the most sensitive parts of her body. He dipped his fingers again into the salve and this time smoothed his hand down the middle of her breastbone, lifting his hand so that only his middle and index finger slid further down, being careful to avoid her breasts on either side as he deftly passed over the skin between them.
The relief was instant, and Marie took a deep breath, filling her lungs with air for what felt like the first time in hours. If she hadn't been so sick, she might have found the entire situation intensely erotic; his hands were strong and his touch assured, but every movement was precise and incredibly careful, getting so close but never touching the most sensitive parts of her chest. In another context, it would have been a tease, driving her to the point of madness while she begged him to touch her.
"I'm going to lift up your shirt a bit from the bottom and put some salve over the lower part of your ribs, are you alright with that, Ms. Cloutier?"
"Yes," she said softly. She craved his touch, but also the relief of this magical ointment.
Snape lowered the blankets just enough so he could lift the bottom of her shirt, unbuttoning the bottom three buttons so that her pajama top was now being held together by two buttons right across her fullest part of her bosom. If she hadn't been so sick, he would have enjoyed it, and as much as he loathed himself for doing so, he filed every touch and every inch of her body away in his memory, knowing he wouldn't be able to stop himself from replaying it again and again for his own pleasure.
Once again, he started on the left, massaging the salve around each rib, letting his hand reach around to the side, following the contour of her rib cage with his hand. He moved up slowly, carefully applying more while he did his best to avoid brushing the underside of her breast. As desperate as he was to touch her, he would only enjoy it when it came with her full consent, when she begged him for it. He focused intently to ensure he stayed within bounds, he wanted her to know she could trust him, that he would care for her and never take advantage of her.
He didn't linger, but he was slow and thorough, and when he was sure he'd covered every available inch on the left, he repeated the same movements on the right before reapplying the salve one last time as he smoothed it carefully up the middle, savoring her soft, warm skin and the feel of her heartbeat under his palm. When he was finished, he removed his hand and carefully re-did the buttons on her top. "Is that better?"
"Much," she said. "My back?"
"Lean forward." He positioned a pillow between her arms to hold to her chest and stomach as he gently guided her forward.
Like he did before, he split the pajamas down the seam in the back. "I'll repair it when I'm through," he said when she gasped slightly.
He took his time and rubbing ointment into every inch of her back from her shoulders to an inch below the last rib, running his fingers along both sides of her spine, and then taking several minutes to massage her shoulders and the muscles in her upper back. "This salve should open up your lungs, but it will also help relax some of the intercostal muscles and the muscles in your back which you've been using to help breathe."
"So good," Marie said. His fingers felt like heaven, and she wished he'd never stop. She could have easily fallen asleep—the salve had relaxed her, along with some of the potions she was sure, but even in her weakened state she didn't want to miss a single moment. His careful touch had caressed her as he massaged the ointment into her skin. She only wished she was well enough to enjoy it, the man's hands were pure magic. "Thank you."
Snape didn't respond, and instead pulled out his wand and repaired the seam in her top before helping her to lay back down, although he was careful to leave her propped up at a slight angle to help with her breathing.
Her face illuminated in the streaks of fresh sunlight that were now streaming into the room through her open curtains and for the first time, Snape could see the tiniest flecks of gold at the center of her blue-gray eyes.
"Your only job today is to rest. I'll be in later to bring you more potions, but I want you to try to take in as many fluids as possible. Do you feel like you can eat something?"
Marie shook her head. "Not hungry."
"Perhaps a little later today you'll be able to tolerate some broth or soup. Otherwise, I expect you to follow my directions. To. The. Letter," he emphasized. "You are to stay in bed, drink plenty of fluids, and if you need help to get to the loo, you will call for Tinny to assist you. I do not want you getting up by yourself, is that clear? The last thing we need is to add a head injury to this whole fiasco if, Merlin-forbid you pass out again."
Snape was still using his calming voice, although he did throw in a bit of a scolding tone to drive home his message. "I mean it, Ms. Cloutier, this is not the time to flout the rules or ignore my instructions. I think you've quite exceeded your limit on being thoroughly disobedient with all of your infantile behavior this week, so there will be no more of that now, am I clear? It is dreadfully obvious that you are incapable of caring for yourself, but if you have any self-preservation whatsoever, you will listen to me and do exactly as you're told."
Marie had to fight a smile. He'd been doting on her for hours, but even in her weakened state, his words were having an effect on her. "Yes, sir."
"Good. If nothing else, my goal is to see you get better so I can give you a thorough lesson on the importance of self-care and the dangers of attention-seeking."
Marie's ears burned red as he looked down at her with his most patronizing look.
"At least you have the decency to look ashamed. In all of my years, I don't think I've ever met a witch in more desperate need of some good old fashioned discipline, Ms. Cloutier." He clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Now, are you going to behave or do I need to have Tinny stay here with you all day to ensure that you mind me?"
Marie was sure her face was about to burst into flames, but she just nodded her head. "I'll behave."
"Wouldn't that be a pleasant surprise." Snape flicked his wand at the curtains to darken the room. "Now get some rest. I'll be back to check on you soon. If you need anything, call for Tinny. And I mean it, if you dare try to get out of bed on your own, I will charm a ruler to smack you the second your feet touch the floor. Don't test me."
"I won't, I swear."
"Hmmph." Snape made a sound that indicated he didn't quite believe her before sweeping dramatically out of the room.
As soon as he closed the door, Marie leaned back and closed her eyes. What on earth have you gotten yourself into? Even though she had gotten exactly what she wanted from the man, she regretted her actions thoroughly. She'd been stupid and immature, and now she'd made herself incredibly sick, meaning not only was he having to take care of her, but Soren as well, which she knew was going to be a lot for him. Not to mention the "important work" she'd no doubt taken him away from. As much as she enjoyed having him hold her and care for her and massage her with potions, she was starting to feel really awful about being so impulsive and, well, bratty. How could he ever take her seriously again? She was truly mortified. Even though she knew he thought she was childish, in reality the way she had acted was so out of character for her. There was something about being around him that made her want to let go of that mature, adult persona and just be free of responsibility, and just be taken care of without a single worry about the real world.
She closed her eyes and tried to remember the way he smelled and the way his hands felt caressing her body and soon the potions hit and she was deep in sleep, a smile plastered to her face.
It was too late to get any more sleep, so Snape spent the next hour or so trying to get as much work done as possible. He was getting nowhere, and he was exhausted and frustrated. As angry as he wanted to be with Marie for her ridiculous behavior— the timing of which couldn't have been worse— he couldn't deny that he was enjoying taking care of her. Certainly he savored having a reason to be so close to her, to hold her, touch her, caress her skin…but it was dangerous. And he knew he had to put a stop to it. He'd decided on a life of celibacy years ago so he could keep his life simple. Not soon enough, sadly.
All morning long, he tried to boot her from his thoughts so he could focus, but flashbacks of the feel of her skin, the smell of her hair, the color of her eyes in the sunlight were all bombarding his consciousness. He wanted nothing more than to go back to her room and sit next to her, hold her, and nurse her back to health. Focus, you fool. There's no time for this sentimental nonsense or you'll lose everything, including her.
Eventually he gave up, throwing his notes onto the table and attempting to at least enjoy a cup of tea before he had to deal with Soren.
At quarter to 8, Snape strode into Soren's room and opened his curtains with a flick of his wrist. "Up you get, Soren. Ms. Cloutier will be convalescing today, but your day will continue as usual."
Soren scrunched his face up and threw an arm over his eyes before rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in the pillows. Ms. Cloutier always woke him gently and gave him a moment to settle into the morning before she turned on lights or opened curtains. "Nooo, it's too bright!"
Snape flicked his wand and Soren's duvet was pulled down to the edge of the bed. "Up you get. Out of bed, wash your face, comb your hair, and get changed into your school clothes. You have fifteen minutes to be downstairs for breakfast."
Soren reached for the duvet while keeping his eyes firmly shut, but when he opened them, his father was looming over him.
"If you pull that duvet back on top of you, I will toss you into a tub of freezing water. I'm not leaving until I see both of your feet on the floor."
Soren groaned one more time.
"Now, Soren."
With an impressive scowl that was no doubt genetically programmed, Soren rolled to the edge of the bed, put his feet on the ground and crossed his arms. "I'm up. Happy?"
"I think not." Snape said with disbelief before he grabbed the little boy's arm and pulled him closer. "You are dangerously close to starting your day in a very uncomfortable manner. If you're having this much trouble getting out of bed, perhaps you should go to bed earlier tonight."
"Sorry, father." Soren said quickly. The adrenaline rush of such a close call quickly brought him to his senses.
"You have fifteen minutes before I want to see you dressed in your school clothes and downstairs in a much more pleasant mood. I will warn you now, I refuse to tolerate any more cheek from you today, so if I were you, I'd make a Herculean effort to be on my best behavior. Unlike Ms. Cloutier, I will have zero hesitation to correct you, harshly, if you dare to speak to me like that again." Snape stared him down, hoping that would cure him of any further insolence this morning.
"Yes, father."
Snape gave a sharp nod and headed for the door. "And make your bed before you come down."
"But I never make my bed. Tinny does it for me, or Ms. Cloutier," Soren whined.
Snape turned around. "Not anymore. You're 7 years-old, you are perfectly capable of making your bed without magic." In fact, it was something Snape had always insisted his Slytherins do every morning.
"Yes, sir."
Soren waited for him to leave and then put a scowl back on his face. He complained loudly to his rabbit as he washed his face and combed his hair. It was going to be a long day without Ms. Cloutier.
Despite the rough start to the morning, Soren and Snape enjoyed a fairly relaxed breakfast, although it was far quieter without Marie there.
"When we finish here, you will go to the classroom as usual."
"But I thought Ms. Cloutier was sick?" Soren looked up at his father quizzically.
"She is. I'll be teaching you today."
Soren giggled. "That's silly, father. You're not a teacher!"
"I'm sure I'll manage, it's not like she's teaching you astrophysics. And you'd do well to be on time, at your desk, ready to learn. We'll be doing things my way today, which means you won't be playing with leprechaun gold or whatever nonsense you get up to with Ms. Cloutier."
"It's not nonsense, father! Ms. Cloutier says you remember more when you learn by doing." Soren repeated faithfully.
"Yes, I'm sure she does. But today you will learn by listening and focusing, and perhaps if you manage that, we will have some practical work."
"Are you going to teach me about planets?"
Snape poured himself another cup of tea. "No, I'm going to teach you about potions. And if you do well this morning, I may allow you into the laboratory with me this afternoon while I brew. But only—and I mean this—only if you can prove to me you can follow directions. As you know it can be extremely dangerous there, and if I cannot trust you to listen carefully to everything I say, I will not allow you anywhere near the dungeon. We'll go over all of the safety rules in class."
This news thrilled Soren. He practically jumped out of his chair with excitement, the smile on his face causing his cheeks to hurt. "I'm very good at following directions, father!"
"We'll see." Snape said, hoping that would give the boy some incentive to stay focused. "Now finish your breakfast. And drink all of your milk."
Soren was determined to be the best boy ever today. He couldn't believe his father was going to take him down to the potions lab. He'd been dying to see what he does down there. He shoved in the rest of his eggs and washed it down with the remainder of his milk before wiping his face. "Father, may I please be excused?"
"Yes. Brush your teeth and tidy up, I'll see you in the classroom shortly."
Soren pushed his chair in and sprinted for the stairs.
"Do not run!" Snape said loudly over his shoulder, letting out an exasperated sigh. He finished his tea and glanced at his watch. There was just enough time to stop by and check on Marie before he stepped into the classroom for the first time in many, many years. He hated to admit it, but part of him did miss it, despite the fact he'd spent his entire career moaning about how much he loathed it.
AUTHOR'S END NOTE:
Poor Marie, even though she did this to herself, she's in deep. Snape is having a hard time now because he is desperate to connect with her, even if he's promised himself he won't ever indulge again in these kinds of pleasures.
We're about to have some VERY fun chapters ahead. Telll me what you think! I live for your comments.
Is Snape going to push her away? Did Marie learn her lesson? What do you think will happen when she gets better?