Author's Note:
I apologize in advance- please don't hate me for this one, lol. Snape is having a rough day and when daddy's not happy, no one's happy, lol. Sorrrrryyyyyy.
Sometimes it's one step forward and several steps back. So, brace for angst.
Marie was glad Soren was a bit over-tired, because she desperately needed the extra time to finish her essay. Although she'd struggled immensely with the topic, once she'd made up her mind, she feverishly put her quill to parchment knowing even a poorly done essay was better than an incomplete one, especially in the state she was currently in.
Alone in her room, she had no compunction about casting a generous cushioning charm in addition to placing a pillow on her chair. Lord Kent had apparently not been exaggerating when he told her she wouldn't be sitting comfortably for days, although to be fair, it had only been a few hours and it wasn't that bad.
By the time she set down her quill, her hand was aching and she shook it out before throwing herself back onto her bed— facedown of course. She exhaled audibly into her pillow before settling comfortably and allowing her mind to reel with the memories from the past two days, struggling to put all the pieces together.
He's not interested, Marie. The sooner you realize it, the better off you'll be. She attempted to reason with herself, and yet she didn't believe a single word she was saying to herself. There was something there between them, she knew it, and she was determined not to give up. She trusted her instincts, and there was just…something inexplicable between them. A chemistry, a tension… a connection. And it didn't feel superficial either. She'd had loads of crushes throughout her life, but she had never felt anything like this before—it was like they were somehow meant to be together. Too many romance novels, Marie. Come on. You're just lonely and sex-deprived. Except no. It was different. She knew it.
Even the way he'd spanked her this morning was completely new; there was an energy there she had never experienced from him before. Erotic really wasn't the right word, but there was something that went beyond the usual "all business" punishments he'd doled out to her in the past. There was something highly-charged about it, a tension, a frisson—something.
Oh, for sure she'd pressed his buttons. And while he'd managed, as he always did, to contain his emotions, he had somehow permitted some primal part of himself to let go. She could sense that he had allowed himself to enjoy it, to revel in it— to punish her not just for her own good, but for his own satisfaction, and somehow just knowing that gave her an entirely new thrill. Part of her was desperate to feel again, although certainly not anytime soon.
Knock, knock.
Marie jumped up from her bed and opened the door to find Soren waiting politely in the hallway. "Hi."
"Did you have a good rest?" Marie leaned down and took him by the hand, closing her door behind her.
"I still feel tired."
"Yes, sometimes a nap can do that when you've had a late night. Why don't we have a cup of tea and then go outside for a bit. Maybe some fresh air and a walk around the maze will make you feel better."
Soren nodded as they made their way to the parlor.
After tea and biscuits, and a good hour or more of running around in the garden and maze, Soren did indeed feel much more energized. Marie had to drag him inside after realizing that his face was bright pink and his eyes were starting to water from the cold, a biting wind picking up as the late afternoon wore on.
"Come along, Soren. Why don't we go inside? Maybe we can read by the fire for a little while and warm-up." She put an arm around him and guided him back toward the manor.
"But I want to stay outside!" Soren would have never attempted this with his father, but he hoped maybe he could convince Marie to let him have a few more minutes. "Please?" He gave her his best puppy dog eyes but despite his best efforts, the wind whipped at his face and several tears spilled down his cheeks, just reinforcing her reasons for bringing him in.
"It's too cold, sweetheart. If you get sick, your father will not be happy with me." And my ass can't take anymore of his displeasure today.
"Awwwwww, please!"
"Come on, let's get inside, I'll see if I can get Tinny to make us some hot chocolate." She reached out for his hand and he took it, an especially frigid gust whipping through his hair making the prospect of a hot cocoa particularly enticing.
Once inside they settled into the couch, Marie having summoned their copy of Oliver Twist to the parlor. She wrapped Soren in a blanket and added a few logs to the fire.
"Where's father?" Soren asked, slurping the last remaining contents of his mug.
"He's working on something important right now, I think he's going to be busy for the next few weeks."
"Working on what? He's always working."
True. "I don't know, but whatever it is I know is very very important."
Soren let out a deep sigh and set his mug down before cuddling into Marie. "But what about me? How come I'm not important. He never wants to spend time with me. Mr. Potter's not even my dad but he always makes time for me. And he plans special things and buys me stuff and lets me pick out food and movies and snacks."
His words hit Marie like a punch to the gut and she could tell he was genuinely disappointed. She pulled Soren up on her lap and gave him a hug. "I think your father would very much like to do those things with you. And you are very important to him. But sometimes people show their love in different ways. He's still learning how to be a parent, so let's be patient with him, OK? I'm sure once this work is done, he'll have a lot more time to spend with you."
"OK." Soren relaxed back into Marie.
She smiled at him, but she knew she was going to have to have a serious talk with Lord Kent. Whatever he was working on, life or death or not, his son needed more quality time with him.
"Now where were we, should we pick up with our friend Oliver Twist?" Marie kissed Soren affectionately on the top of his head, hoping some time reading and cuddling would boost the boy's spirits.
He nodded. "Yes, please."
For the next hour and a half, Marie read to Soren in the parlor, doing all kinds of funny voices and making Soren giggle and screech as he got lost in the story. The time passed quickly for both of them and before they knew it, it was nearly time for dinner.
Down in the lab, Snape was starting to lose his mind. He'd gotten to the point where he'd hit another wall after two more botched potions and he knew it would be pointless to continue. He banished the contents of both cauldrons, cursed himself, and made his way upstairs, kicking violently at a loose stones as he did so.
As soon as he exited the dungeon door and warded it behind him, he could hear the laughter from the parlor. He crept silently through the kitchen, hanging back behind the entranceway as he took in the scene.
Soren and Marie were both so invested in the story that neither of them noticed him skulking in the shadows, watching them intently.
Seeing Soren laugh as Marie did her comically dreadful Cockney accent, growling out Fagin's lines caused the smallest corner of his mouth to turn-up slightly. Soren was clearly delighted and at ease, curled up on her lap, completely engaged in the story and in her. She's so lovely. Effortlessly.
Unexpectedly Snape felt his heart swell with an unfamiliar emotion. He stared at the two of them and wanted nothing more than to keep them happy and safe, to do everything in his power to make sure they never worried about a thing again for the rest of their lives. What in Merlin's name is wrong with you, Severus. This is absurd.
But even he couldn't shit-talk himself out of the feelings that were coursing through him, flooding his brain with oxytocin and dopamine until the irritating voice of reason that critically narrated every minute of his life was briefly silenced.
He didn't dare move, not wanting to interrupt their joy despite the nagging tug inside his gut that desperately wanted to be a part of it. Without meaning to, he imagined himself on the couch, Marie snuggled up next to him, his arm around her— Soren on his lap, hearing his own voice reading aloud to both of them (with a much more refined, and proper English accent of course). A genuine smile hijacked his lips before he could stop it.
You fool! Stop it this instant! The cynical voice cracked through his consciousness like a whip, forcing him out of his silly little fantasy, all of the warm and fuzzy feelings evaporating immediately leaving him feeling cold and distant, his brief smile vanishing as if it never existed.
He hardened his face and took a breath. What was wrong with him, where did a vision like that even come from? Pure hallucination—obviously he'd breathed in too many potions fumes, or maybe it was just some odd side-effect from the hangover he'd had this morning. Probably a combination of the two. Get your shit together, Severus. Life is not a fairy-tale and you are not here to play house with your tragically misbegotten spawn and his irritating chit of a governess.
There, that felt better. He was finally coming to his senses. These ridiculous thoughts and feelings were obviously the result of some kind of intense stress and lack of sleep.
If he were honest with himself, he was failing so miserably in all of his attempts in the lab, he was starting to believe for the first time he really may not find a solution. In which case, he'd have to let Soren go, and Marie along with him. It was lamentable, of course, but he'd already started to mentally prepare himself for the possibility…and it was counterproductive, really, to allow himself to engage in such frivolous, and frankly pathetic, delusions.
Not to mention, after hearing how happy Soren had been at the Potter's, Snape was starting to believe it was selfish to even consider any other option besides giving him over to the Ministry. Sure, it was a gamble, but there was no doubt in his mind that Soren would be far better off in a normal wizarding family that could shower him in love and take-aways, treating him to weekends in Diagon Alley and afternoons running around their perfectly manicured suburban neighborhood with a family dog and maybe a sibling or two. All things he'd never be able to give him. Didn't the boy deserve that? Sure, he could offer him wealth and an education, but the boy's needs obviously went far beyond that- needs that no amount of money could ever satisfy. His vault would never give Soren the hugs and cuddles, the family, the normalcy that the boy clearly required. It was becoming more and more obvious to him every day that there was only one solution to this, even if it pained him to acknowledge it.
When Snape heard Marie pause at the end of the chapter, he took one more deep breath and strode confidently into the parlor. "Soren, you should be practicing your reading aloud, not making Ms. Cloutier do all the work." He raised an eyebrow for good measure. Well done, Severus. What a brilliant way to greet your son after hiding away in your lab all day.
"But I like when she reads to me, father. She makes me laugh when she does all of the voices." He giggled quietly as Marie gave him a quick tickle.
"Nonetheless, your reading will never improve if you don't practice." Snape sat in his chair, leaned back and closed his eyes, letting out a deep exhale. "Not to mention, Ms. Cloutier, despite all of your time here in Britain, your attempt at an east London accent is bordering on offensive…criminal, even."
Marie knew he was joking, but she could tell by the look on his face and his uncharacteristically defeated posture that he wasn't quite himself.
"Well, at least Soren enjoys it, right?" Marie gave him another tickle. She put on her terrible Fagin accent and contorted her face, scowling down at Soren menacingly. "What a fine thing, capital punishment is! Line 'em up and send 'em to the gallows, I say!"
Soren erupted in a new fit of giggles. "Haha, yeah! I love it!"
"Perhaps if teaching doesn't work out, you have an amazing future ahead of you in the West End, Ms. Cloutier," Snape said, sarcasm dripping from his voice, but his eyes telegraphing something softer, but almost sad.
"Well, since some people don't appreciate my exceptional talent, I guess we've had enough of that for now." Marie smiled and marked the page with a silent spell before sending the book back to its rightful place on Soren's bookshelf. "How is your work coming along?"
"It's work, Ms. Cloutier. It's an obligation, not a hobby." Snape dismissed her with as little insight as possible, hoping she'd get the message and stop asking.
"Why are you always working, father?" Soren sulked slightly.
"Soren," Marie warned, jumping in quickly knowing that this conversation would not end well for the boy. "We talked about this earlier, your father has something really important he has to take care of right now. Why don't you tell him about how we spent our afternoon instead?"
Snape was glad for her intervention, and Soren especially should be. Had Marie not beaten him to respond, he was pretty sure he'd have given the boy a scathing reply that would have likely ended in tears. Not that he was proud of that, but he was already feeling terrible about the predicament he was in, and the last thing he wanted to hear was Soren complaining about it when he was doing everything he possibly could on the boy's behalf. Even if he was failing miserably.
"That's OK. I don't want to." Soren was clearly disappointed and he snuggled closer to Marie, refusing to look at his father.
"No matter. It's time for supper, anyway." Snape said, unceremoniously, ignoring Soren's hurt response even though he felt it viscerally, only serving to make him feel worse— if that was even possible.
Dinner was a quiet and somber affair, and despite Marie's best efforts to try to lighten the mood, both Soren and his father were being exceptionally broody and so after several attempts at light-hearted conversation, she gave up and just focused on eating.
"You need to eat more," Snape said, staring at Soren's barely-touched plate.
"I'm not hungry."
"Oh for Merlin's sake, I am not playing this game with you tonight. Eat—you've not had more than two bites."
Soren looked up, indignant. "But I'm not hungry."
Snape set down his own cutlery dramatically, staring at Soren with a dangerous look in his eyes. "You know exactly what this kind of attention-seeking behavior will result in, and I suggest you do not test me." He gave a him a particularly menacing glare before he tapped the table in front of Soren's plate. "Eat your food, and stop being difficult."
"But I can't! I'm not hungry, I promise!" Tears filled his big brown eyes.
"Very well, then you may be excused. I will deal with you once I've finished my meal." Snape had absolutely no intention of indulging Soren today. He'd warned him about this kind of behavior several times, so if Soren wanted to see if he'd follow-through on his threats, he was about to find out.
"That's not fair! I'm not lying, I can't eat any more, I'm full!"
Snape narrowed his eyes and spoke in a low, harsh tone. "Do not raise your voice at me. I've had enough nonsense from you, so unless you'd like me to punish you here and then again in my study, you'll keep your mouth closed and do as you're told."
Marie couldn't contain herself any more. "Please, Lord Kent. Can we all just take a breath and calm down. I'm sure Soren is telling the truth. You can't punish him for not being hungry."
"Why? Is there a reason he isn't hungry, Ms. Cloutier?" Snape stared her down while Soren sobbed in his chair.
"I don't know, but it doesn't really matter. If he's not hungry, he's not hungry. He shouldn't be forced to eat. We should encourage him to listen to his body cues, that's how a person develops mindful eating and learns respect for their body." Marie was resolute, she knew something was going on with the man and he was taking it out on the poor boy, something she would not stand by and tolerate. "Soren, if you're not hungry, sweetie, don't force yourself."
Snape was seething— hadn't he told Marie a hundred times not to interfere with how he deals with his son. "Soren, that's enough of your histrionics. Answer me right now, and you had better be honest or my ruler will finish the conversation, do you understand?"
Soren nodded his head and eked out "Yes, sir," between hitching breaths.
"Is there a reason you're not hungry? Does your stomach hurt? Are you sick?" Snape's tone was still harsh, but he was at least opening up some kind of conversation.
"No, father."
"Why do you think you're not hungry?" Snape was getting exasperated. "Did you eat the chocolate frogs?"
There was a pause, and then a very soft "Yes,sir."
Soren had woken up from his nap and had a chocolate frog while he was waiting for Marie, and then it had been so good, despite his intentions, he'd had another one.
"How many?"
"Two."
"Remind me, what did I tell you were the rules for that?" Snape was having to work to control his anger, but it was just as he thought. Despite Marie wanting to harp on about listening to his body's cues, he had no doubt this was due to some form of disobedience. If not out-right attention-seeking, Soren had no doubt found himself in this position for good reason.
Soren started crying again and Snape clicked his fingers loudly. "There will be plenty of time for your tears later. Stop crying and answer me."
"You said I could only have one."
"And?"
"Please Lord Kent, I think we get the idea."
Snape whipped his head toward Marie. "If you cannot control yourself, you may be excused, Ms. Cloutier. And we'll address your outbursts later."
"No! Don't be mean to Ms. Cloutier!" Soren wiped his nose with his sleeve and gave his father a defiant look, standing from his chair. "It's not her fault!"
Snape clicked his fingers and pointed at the chair. "Sit down right now, and don't you dare speak to me in that tone. You're in enough trouble. Now answer my question. What did I tell you were the rules?"
"That if I had the chocolate frog, I couldn't have biscuits with my tea." Soren knew he was in trouble now and he let his head hang down, suddenly developing an interest in the cloth napkin he was wringing in his lap, tears dripping onto it.
"And did you have biscuits with your tea?"
Soren nodded.
"I beg your pardon? Answer me properly."
"Yes, sir."
"You see, Ms. Cloutier. His inability to eat has everything to do with being a sneaky and disobedient." He turned his attention to Soren, hardening his face but keeping his voice calm. "Go upstairs and wait next to my study. Nose to the wall. I will deal with you shortly."
"Please, Lord Kent. I feel like this is my fault, I didn't know he had the chocolate frogs but I encouraged him to have the biscuits, and also a hot chocolate when we came in from the garden to warm up. It's my fault. Don't punish him, he's just being a little boy. Of course he's not going to say no to those." Marie felt so bad for Soren.
"Ms. Cloutier, I have had enough of your interference. Soren knows exactly what he's done. He knew the rules, and he broke them, and now he will face the consequences. You- upstairs, now." He stared at Soren and pointed toward the stairs.
Soren knew he was in trouble and did as he was told, crying in self-pity the whole way.
But Marie was not having it. "He's 7, Lord Kent. Give him a break. He gave into his impulses and so what. Let it go. Maybe don't let him have sweets tomorrow, but there's no reason to be this hard on him."
"I would have thought, given your situation this morning, that you might at least attempt to behave yourself for one full day. But it appears this is an impossible request. How many times do I need to tell you not to interfere when I'm dealing with my son. You are exhausting."
Undeterred, Marie continued. "Well, I will interfere when I think you're being unreasonable. And if you want to know what I really think— I think whatever stupid 'important' thing you're working on isn't going well, and now instead of dealing with it like the intelligent adult you purport to be, you're taking it out on everyone else. Soren just wants to spend time with you, you know, he wants to know that you care about him and value him and want to be around him."
"Then he's achieved his goal, Ms. Cloutier. He is about to have my full-attention."
"That is not what I mean and you know it! You're just going to drive him away. He's already hurt and feeling rejected by you. This is so silly, it's just a few sweets!"
Snape had reached a place where he had detached from his feelings, his mind made up. "I refuse to indulge another tantrum from you today. Soren knows the rules, and he knows what to expect when he breaks them. Now that's enough. I will not argue with you anymore, Ms. Cloutier. So feel free to take your time finishing supper, but if you'll excuse me, I must go and deal with my son." Snape stood, narrowing his eyes at Marie as he folded his napkin and set it harshly on the table.
"You're making a mistake!" Marie shouted at his back. "He's going to resent you."
Snape ignored her as he walked through the parlor and up the stairs, self-doubt consuming him further with each step.
Upstairs, Soren was standing in the corridor with his nose pressed to the wall next to his father's study, crying and feeling sorry for himself. He could hear his father and Ms. Cloutier arguing downstairs and that just made him feel worse. Yes, he felt bad about disappointing his father, and he certainly wasn't looking forward to being punished, but that really wasn't what was making him so upset.
He was heartbroken because his dreams of seeing his father and Ms. Cloutier fall in love were getting further and further away. He heaved an especially heavy sob at the thought that maybe he had messed it all up because he couldn't stop himself from eating the stupid chocolate frogs. Now they were arguing and fighting with each other and it was all his fault.
All he wanted was to have a family, a real family. He wanted his father to spend time with him and Ms. Cloutier, to do fun things all together. For his father to love them both the way Harry loved Ginny and Teddy and even the baby that wasn't even here yet. The thought that he would never have his dream come true was far more distressing than any punishment his father could give him. His heart ached deeply.
He turned his anger inward on himself—how could he be so stupid? He shouldn't have eaten both of the frogs. And he definitely shouldn't have eaten the stupid biscuits. Or had the hot chocolate. But they were so delicious and he just wanted to enjoy himself, and feel happy for a few minutes. He'd been nothing but sad since coming back from the Potter's, and a little bit of chocolate made him feel a lot better. Until now. Now he was thoroughly regretting it. Now his father was angry with both of them and he'd ruined everything.
When he heard the unmistakable sound of his father's dragonhide boots striking the stone floor as he came up the stairs, he was almost relieved. He wanted it to be over, and even though his heart was racing, he attempted to straighten himself out and put on a brave face. He took a deep breath and tried to get control of his tears knowing it wouldn't get him anything but further rebuke.
After what felt like an eternity, he could feel his father standing behind him, the unmistakable sound of his wand slashing through the air as he un-warded and unlocked the door to the study.
"In." The word was curt and Soren immediately obeyed, tearing himself from the wall and stretching slightly as he made his way to the middle of the carpet, head hanging low as he awaited further instruction.
Snape strode past him to his desk where he transfigured a small leatherbound book into a leather-soled slipper, watching as the color drained from Soren's face at the revelation. Without saying anything else, he grabbed one of the chairs from the front of his desk, set it in the middle of the carpet and sat down.
"Come here."
Soren knew he wasn't going to get out of this, and his heart sank. "I'm sorry, father."
"I have absolutely no interest in dragging this out. You deliberately disobeyed me, gorged yourself on chocolate and sweets all day—despite having had nothing but rubbish all day yesterday. It's no wonder you couldn't eat your supper."
A few tears slid down Soren's face and he nodded. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry."
"Is there any excuse you wish to offer before I get on with it?"
Soren shook his head. "No, sir. Please just don't be mad at Ms. Cloutier, she didn't know. I should have told her but I didn't. I feel really bad about it, father. I'm really sorry."
"Ms. Cloutier is not your concern. You and your health, however, are my concern. I told you from the very beginning what you could expect if you refused to eat your meals- whether from pure defiance or as a result of deliberate disobedience. You certainly know how I feel about dishonesty, whether it is overt or a lie by omission, which is what you did today. So here we are. I hope we do not need to discuss this again."
Snape wasted no more time and pulled Soren over his lap, feeling the little boy tense slightly as he grabbed hold of his trouser legs. Without further ado, he brought the slipper down on his backside, the sound of it resounding loudly in his study. He followed it with five more evenly applied smacks before stopping.
It was over so fast, Soren was almost confused. That said, the large slipper had basically covered his entire backside, so even though it was only six smacks, they'd done their job. It wasn't nearly as cruel as the ruler, but his bum was still throbbing slightly. At least it had been quick, and as soon as his father helped him to his feet, his hands flew back immediately to rub the sting, a few stray tears escaping down his cheeks.
"Tinny!" Snape called for the small house elf. "Please bring the purple nutrition potion from my medical supplies."
Soren was slightly embarrassed that the house-elf had seen him crying and holding his bum, his father still holding the slipper in one hand with no doubt whatsoever as to what had just taken place.
But Tinny had no reaction, and the elf returned shortly with the potion before disappearing again while Snape re-transfigured the slipper, setting the leather book back on his desk before replacing the chair. "If you miss another meal for any other silly reason, you'll get twice as many, without the benefit of your trousers. Am I clear?"
"Yes, sir." Soren nodded, feeling his face burn with heat. "I won't."
"Good. Now come here and take this potion. Open up."
When the little boy approached, Snape took him gently by the arm, pulling him in closer before placing several shimmering purple drops onto his tongue.
Soren swallowed and grimaced slightly, but quickly schooled his face not wanting to disappoint his father further. "I'm really sorry father."
"Do you have any other chocolate frogs in your room?"
"No, sir."
"Do I need to check for myself?" Snape raised an eyebrow in warning.
"No, father. I'm telling the truth, I promise."
"Very well. Go to your room. You may read quietly until lights out. And there will be no biscuits for you tomorrow with tea, is that clear?"
"Yes, sir." Soren really did feel bad, but he had to admit he'd gotten off far more lightly than he thought he would. Not to say his bum wasn't stinging, but it could have been a lot worse. And even though this was not the time he wanted to spend with his father, there was an understanding between them. Soren could sense that this was something his father loathed, and yet he still carried on because he cared for him, even if it was a bit misguided.
"I mean it, no more nonsense tonight. I will come and check on you at lights out and I had better find you in your pajamas, teeth clean, in bed or you will go right back over my knee for a far harsher lesson, is that clear?"
"Yes, sir."
Snape gave a curt nod and walked Soren to the door before putting his hand on the boy's shoulder and squeezing it gently. An unspoken moment of forgiveness.
As soon as the boy was halfway down the hall, Snape closed and warded the door behind him, tossing himself backward onto the Chesterfield before stretching out and closing his eyes. He cast a quick silencing spell around him and screamed loudly into the void. He was a complete mess, and he had no idea what he was going to do about any of it.
To be honest- he knew Marie was right to some degree. He knew he was failing Soren, and he hadn't wanted to punish him, but he also didn't want to go back on the threats he'd made. So he'd begrudgingly carried it out, hoping he had at least managed some amount of believability. If there's one thing he'd say for his son, Soren was pretty good about taking it all in stride. And it wasn't exactly an unjust punishment—Soren had deliberately broken the rules after all. And Snape would hardly call six pathetic little smacks anything severe. But he still felt like a failure- for not being able to come up with a potion, for allowing his emotions to get the best of him, for pushing his son away when he was just a desperate little boy who craved his time and affection more than anything, and instead all he could manage was a few minutes of scolding and a brief trip over his knee. Father of the Year. You useless bastard.
But as usual, Soren had been the simplest one to deal with. He'd go back and try to give him a few minutes of attention at bedtime, perhaps that might give the boy just enough to satisfy him in the short time. He wanted Soren to know he was cared for, but he was terrified now about allowing him to get too close just in case things…didn't work out.
Marie. Oh Merlin, this was where it got really complicated. She always managed to get under his skin and she just didn't know when to stop. He hated the way she'd argue with him, even if some of her points were valid. It was like she specifically knew exactly how to push every button until he was struggling to control his emotions, something he'd done fairly effortlessly for most of his adult life. It was infuriating.
Now what? He had no intention of punishing her again today, even though he'd happily smack her arse five times a day if it were up to him. But he was pretty sure her gorgeous backside couldn't take another harsh punishment, even if he was dying to see what marks he'd left on her from her early spanking. He allowed himself to indulge in that thought momentarily before he pulled himself harashly back to reality.
No, he needed to talk to her, come to some agreement. He'd still come up with something, of course— she really did need to learn not to meddle when he was disciplining Soren. But what, he wasn't quite sure. He'd figure it out.
Instead, he just closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off on the couch, hoping his mind would be far more clear after a quick kip.
Soren went back to his room and changed into his pajamas before grabbing his rabbit and curling up on his bed.
Now that he was alone, he just felt sad. Sad that all hope was seemingly lost. Sad that he didn't know what else to do. Sad that just after his father had told him how proud he'd been of him yesterday, he'd messed it all up. He cried into his pillow for a bit before getting up to brush his teeth wanting to make sure he was following directions.
As soon as he was done in with his teeth, he crawled back in bed and stared at the wall. He replayed the entire weekend in his mind, his time with the Potters, and the fact that ever since he'd been back, all he could think about was how much he wanted a real family. There had to be some way. Maybe Teddy was right about the love potion. Maybe that was his only hope. But how? Where can I get it?
All he had were those few galleons from the Tooth Fairy. Would it be enough? Maybe he could convince Ms. Cloutier to take him to Diagon Alley next weekend while his father was working. He pushed around on a few other teeth, but none of them seemed particularly loose, unfortunately. Hopefully he'd be able to make do. If not, he'd find a way to earn some extra money somehow. He'd figure it out.
His tears dried up and his brain went into planning mode. There was no use sulking about his situation, now he had to come up with a plan, that was the only way. He laid there clutching his rabbit and letting his mind swirl with ideas until he heard his door open.
"Lights out," came his father's deep voice and Soren turned slightly to face him.
Snape sat down on the edge of Soren's bed. He could see that the boy's face was still red and tear-stained and it pulled at his heart-strings slightly. "Did you clean your teeth?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good." Snape was trying to keep his voice free of scorn. "I want to talk to you. Sit up and look at me please."
Soren dragged himself up, clutching his rabbit firmly against his chest, his chin down but his eyes lifting up. "Yes, father?"
"I know that you're frustrated that I haven't been able to spend much time with you. I want you to understand something important…" Snape paused briefly looking down at the big brown eyes that were looking up at him intently. "I know it is difficult for you to understand, but I am working on something very very important right now. This is a highly unusual situation, but I'm afraid I have no choice. But I promise you, once it's finished, I won't be so busy."
"I understand."
Snape nodded. "When I'm done, perhaps we can do something special. Take a weekend trip, maybe. Do something you enjoy."
"Can Ms. Cloutier come too?" Soren beamed at the prospect.
"If she'd like, although it certainly won't be compulsory."
"Can we go to the sea? I've never been to the sea!"
"It's quite cold at the moment, but we'll think about it. But right now I need you to understand that I am working very hard on something incredibly important. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes, father. I'll be good."
"I don't want you to give Ms. Cloutier a hard time about it."
"I won't, father. But I think she likes it when you get to spend time with us too. Isn't it fun when we can all be together?"
Snape scoffed slightly. "I'm fairly certain Ms. Cloutier sees more than enough of me, I don't believe she's looking for another minute more."
"That's not true, father. Remember when we walked in the garden that time? She was really happy. And me too."
The conversation was starting to make Snape uncomfortable, there were things he'd never be able to fully explain to Soren. "Well, next Sunday when Ms. Cloutier is enjoying her day off, perhaps if it isn't too cold, we can take a brief walk around the gardens after breakfast."
"But I want to do it when Ms. Cloutier is here! I want all of us to be together!" Soren had to work to hold back a whine and he stopped to fix his face as soon as he noticed his father's jaw tightening slightly.
"Well, until I'm finished I don't think there will be time for that. As it is, you may need to spend next Sunday with Mr. Potter so I can focus on work while Ms. Cloutier is off."
"But what if the baby comes?"
Snape closed his eyes briefly and prayed that wouldn't be the case, although it would be a very Potter-like thing to do to inconvenience him by having the baby earlier than expected. "We'll see. In that case you will have to entertain yourself."
Soren pouted slightly. "How long until your work is finished?"
"Truthfully, I don't know. But there's a deadline looming so I am hoping just another week or so, if I'm allowed to focus. And to be honest, I've spent far more time than I would have liked dealing with nonsense around here the past few weeks."
A red flush came over Soren. "Sorry, father. I promise I'll be good so you can work."
"Mm, that would be helpful."
"Can Ms. Cloutier take me to the shops sometime this week?" Soren hoped he hadn't pivoted too quickly.
"For what? I pray for your sake you're not about to tell me you need more chocolate frogs." Snape scowled down on him wondering what on earth he could possibly need from the shops.
"No, sir." Soren looked down briefly regretting having binged on them, but he wasn't stupid enough to ask for more, not at this moment anyway. "Just some other things I need."
"Such as?" Snape glared down at him.
Soren shrugged. "Just something. Actually it's kind of a surprise."
"Well, whatever it is, if it is urgent, you may ask me and I will determine if it is worth ordering. Otherwise, it will have to wait. I don't want you gallivanting around with Ms. Cloutier when you have more important things to work on."
"OK, father." There was a slight hint of disappointment in the boy's voice, but Soren wasn't going to be deterred. He'd find a way. Hopefully he'd get another chance to go to the Potter's next weekend and then he and Teddy could make a real plan. One way or another he was going to get his hands on some love potion.
"Alright, lay down and sleep. I want you to work hard this week and focus, just the way I will be doing. And you will be on your best behavior. I would like any time I have to spend with you, as limited as it might be, to be pleasant rather than being spent lecturing and punishing you, is that understood?"
Snape reached down and started to tuck the blankets around the boy.
"Yes, father. I'll be good."
Just as Snape was about to get up, Soren sat back up in bed. "Father, can I come and watch you in the lab? Maybe I can even help you with your work. Then we can spend time together and you can get your work done faster."
Snape paused to stare down at him. "Absolutely not. The work I'm doing right now is dangerous. You will stay far away from the dungeons, is that clear?" His voice had an edge to it and he narrowed his eyes further, giving Soren a stern look of warning.
"But why? I like being in the lab with you. I'll be quiet and just watch. Please? Maybe next weekend when Ms. Cloutier has her day off."
"No. And do not ask me again. The lab is no place for you, particularly not at the moment."
Soren knew when it was time to stop, and he was definitely wearing on his father's patience. Too bad, it was worth a try. He was hoping to get another glimpse of the lab to see if maybe he already had a love potion brewed, but it seemed he would have to find a way to buy it after all. There was no way he'd risk going into the lab on his own, he knew for a fact his father would murder him if he even attempted to step foot down there.
"Now that's enough. It's past your bedtime, lay down and sleep."
"Are you still mad at me?" Soren asked innocently.
Snape's face softened. "No, you've been punished and all is forgiven. You know that."
"Can I have a hug, then?"
There was a brief moment of hesitation, but Snape bent down and awkwardly hugged the boy, surprised when Soren wrapped his arms tightly around his neck. He allowed him a few more seconds than he would have liked before he finally let go. "Now that's enough stalling. It's time to sleep now, Soren."
"Goodnight, father." Soren laid back down and once again, his father pulled the blankets up around him, tucking him tightly.
"Goodnight." Snape strode toward the door and casually extinguished all the lights except for one small lamp in the bathroom before exiting silently.
Soren felt slightly better now, the brief interaction with his father had gone a long way to soothing some of his fears. He couldn't even feel the smacking any more, and now he knew he just had to get through the next week or two and maybe his father would have more time for them. And in the meantime he'd find a way to get his hands on some love potion. Then maybe they'd all go on holiday and Ms. Cloutier and his father would fall in love—it was perfect. He just needed to keep his head down and focus on the task at hand, and he was certain he could do that.
He curled up on his side and smiled, holding his rabbit and falling asleep to dreams of a family holiday at the seaside.
Snape was dreading his conversation with Marie, but he took a deep breath and made his way to his study, sighing as he sat down behind his desk. At least Soren hadn't seemed too upset with him.
He opened his drawer and pulled out the small dragon egg he'd taken from Soren the day before. Looking it over carefully, he tapped on the egg, said the incantation and watched as a tiny little dragon popped out and flew around. Snape rolled his eyes, but then the silly little thing flew to his shoulder and snuggled up against his neck making a cute little sighing noise. "Oh for Merlin's sake, get back in your egg."
The baby dragon made a sad little whine and a small puff of smoke came from its nostrils.
"Oh no, don't you start. I've had enough tantrums and whining from everyone else in this house today, if you know what's good for you, you'll get straight back in that egg before I turn you into potions ingredients."
He didn't know toy dragons could pout, but after a sad look and a pitiful little noise, the dragon flew back down and crawled into the egg.
Immediately Snape closed it up and said the incantation to keep it shut. He shoved the blasted back into his desk drawer just as he heard a faint knock on door. "Enter."
Marie came in, her face still in a scowl but looking slightly less wound up than he was expecting.
"Sit."
When she grimaced slightly on the hard chair, Snape was silently pleased although he was careful not to let his face show any amusement.
Snape cleared his throat and put on a stern face, although to be fair he wasn't really in the mood to deal with her. He was drained from a frustrating day in the lab and trying to work through far more emotions than he was ready to deal with. He just hoped they could get through this conversation quickly.
"Did you finish your essay?"
"Yes—here." Marie stood up briefly to put the parchment on his desk.
Opening his top drawer, he placed it inside. "I'll read it later. It's been a long day and I'd like to address your outburst at the dinner table and then perhaps we can all get an early night. Everyone is exhausted and acting quite tetchy, clearly the result of too many late nights and not enough sleep." He was talking about himself as well, the closest he would get to an apology.
Marie gave him a slightly defiant look but just sat there, waiting for him to get on with it.
"There's no need to belabor the point, Ms. Cloutier, but this is far from the first time you've interfered when I was disciplining my son. I do not appreciate it, and as you know, it is a violation of one of your rules. Is there anything you want to say for yourself?"
"Yes. I think you were completely out of line. And I stand by the fact that I believe you're taking out your frustrations on Soren and myself. It's fine for me, I'm an adult, and I can manage it. But Soren is a child, and he deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, even when you are having a bad day."
She did her best to keep her voice and tone even, but she wasn't going to change her mind.
"Yes, you made that clear. However, regardless of my personal feelings, Soren expects consistency from me. I expect him to behave in a certain way and have been clear about that from day one. He is to eat all of his meals, unless he is ill. What you don't know, Ms. Cloutier, is that he and I had a separate conversation about this when he came home plied with sweets from Mr. Potter's house. I told him I would allow him to keep them if he managed to follow a few simple rules because I did not want him gorging on sugar instead of eating real food."
It was all reasonable, Marie nodded her head. "If I had known, I wouldn't have offered him the biscuits or the hot chocolate. I agree he needs to eat his meals."
"Precisely. He knew he shouldn't have, but he did anyway. And predictably, he was unable to eat his dinner. Which given his rather poor nutrition coming into this home, is not something I take lightly."
"Still, you could have spoken to him more calmly. Instead of jumping to threats and assuming right away that he was up to no good."
"Well, I was right, wasn't I?" Snape had to hold in a small smirk. "Perhaps I know my son better than you think, Ms. Cloutier."
Marie sat silently. "He didn't mean to, you know he doesn't want to disappoint you. He tries so hard to be a good boy for you."
"It's been handled. We have both moved on, I suggest you do as well. He will hopefully not do something so foolish again, but if he does, he knows what will happen. It's his choice to make."
"Why didn't you just take the candy? You can't really expect a 7 year-old to have that kind of self-control around chocolate. Really, Lord Kent, it's like you set him up for failure sometimes."
"Nonsense. I believe in providing him opportunities to prove to me he can follow my instructions and build trust. I do not have unreasonable expectations of him, but I do have expectations, and in this instance, he failed. I believe he was suitably disappointed in himself and will make an effort not to make the same mistake again. Ultimately I do not want to have to police him constantly for the rest of his life- it is oppressive, and frankly harmful for his maturity and self-confidence. My aim is to teach him self-discipline. However, it has to be learned, and when he falls short, I will step in. Which, regrettably, I had to do today. I believe the lesson has been learned and he'll make much more of an effort the next time he's faced with a similar challenge. In the long-term, he'll be better off for it."
"Well, then we can agree to disagree."
"Yes, we can. However, I will not keep having this conversation with you. I do not want to argue in front of Soren, it undermines my authority and makes me look like the bad guy."
"Well, maybe you are the bad guy," Marie offered, with a bit of sass.
Snape narrowed his eyes at her, his jaw clenching as he leaned forward across the desk. "You might want to rethink your attitude, Ms. Cloutier, given that we've already had to have one harsh discussion about that today, not to mention the fact that despite being thoroughly punished, you still continued to talk back and argue with me about how I handled Soren."
"OK, then just beat me and get it over with." Marie wasn't sure why she was getting so wound up, except there was something about his detachment that was irritating her and she didn't like it, even though she knew she was playing with fire.
"I will not. Instead you will sit here, quietly, writing me 100 lines. Then you will go to bed early and attempt to wake-up in a much more agreeable mood."
These were all on the list of potential punishments, but for some reason Marie was surprised. He'd always been quick to jump to corporal punishment and she didn't quite know how to respond. To be honest, part of her was relieved because she was sure even a simple smacking would hurt far worse on her thoroughly punished backside, but still, it felt infantile.
"Fine. What do you want me to write?"
"I don't appreciate your tone, Ms. Cloutier. So you will take 15 minutes to stand in the corner first to reflect on your poor attitude. I don't want to hear anything else besides 'Yes, sir' or "No, sir" for the rest of the evening. Go on." Snape's voice was eerily calm, and he nodded in the direction of the corner, dismissing her with little fanfare.
Marie huffed slightly but made her way there, hating how childish it felt at her age to be standing with her nose pressed against the corner.
"Any more dramatic sighs, and your time will start again. Control yourself, Ms. Cloutier."
Snape was tempted to take a look at her essay, but he had decided to save that for when he could read it on his own and really consider it in the proper frame of mind, so instead he busied himself with a Potions article he hoped might help him work through his current predicament.
When the fifteen minutes were up, Snape called her out of the corner and brought one of the chairs out from in front of his desk, transfiguring it into a small student desk which he placed right beside his own, a mere two feet from where he would be sitting.
Marie stared at it— it was much shorter than his desk and chair, which she was sure was the point, but she was honestly just ready to get it all over with so she could go to bed. Lord Kent had been right, she was overtired from an emotionally exhausting weekend, far too much alcohol, and not nearly enough sleep.
"Sit." Snape pulled out several pieces of parchment and laid it on her small desk, along with a quill and some ink. With a wave of his hand, the sentence appeared at the top of the parchment and he took his seat in his much taller and more comfortable chair.
It took a little bit of maneuvering for Marie to settle comfortably into the small student desk, and the hard wood was definitely not comfortable, but she picked up the quill and peered down at the words she was supposed to write.
"I will control my outbursts and my attitude and refrain from arguing in front of my charge."
"100 times. You may begin."
Snape didn't even look down at her, although he did enjoy that he had her in his proximity, knowing he was sitting several inches above her and not giving her the satisfaction of his attention.
It irked Marie slightly that she wasn't getting much from him, but she put the quill to paper and carried on with it.
For the next thirty minutes, Snape read, jotted notes, and essentially ignored Marie who was starting to regret the way she'd handled herself at dinner. Even though she still believed she was right, it never worked out well for her when she lost control with him. And she did feel a little bit bad about doing so in front of Soren. She was starting to realize she'd never get through to him this way, and she'd have to change her approach if she wanted to see him change his ways.
She looked up at the clock, and counted her lines. Shit, 40 more to go? Her hand was aching terribly (especially since she'd already cramped her hand up trying to write the essay earlier), her arse was throbbing, her legs were feeling restless. She was absolutely dying to stand up, stretch, take a break but she knew there was no way in hell Lord Kent would allow for it. So she put down the quill for a moment and did her best to stretch out her hand and legs for a small reprieve.
After a minute, and one scathing side-eye from Lord Kent —the only one time he'd acknowledged her since he put her to work—she picked the quill back up.
The last 40 lines took her almost as much time as the first 60, and she had never been so relieved to be finished. She'd never been punished this way at school before, at least not that she could remember, but it was awful. Somehow far worse than being spanked, not the least of which was because she hadn't had an ounce of attention from Lord Kent. It was wholly unsatisfying in addition to being extremely boring and uncomfortable.
"I'm finished, sir." She said, putting her quill down, hoping he'd at least give her a small bit of praise. Her handwriting had started off quite neat, but had devolved slightly as her hand started to cramp. She rearranged the parchments so the nicer looking lines were on top.
Without a word, Snape picked up the parchment, did a quick check and count before waving his hand over the pages and making them burst into a pile of ashes that he quickly vanished. "Off to bed, Ms. Cloutier. I expect better from you tomorrow."
He didn't even look up from his work to see Marie's face fully crumpled in disappointment.
Marie had to work a bit to get her arse out of the student desk, feeling relief to finally stretch her legs and stand up. "Goodnight, Lord Kent," she said as she made her way to the door of the study, looking back once to see if he'd at least give her a final look goodbye.
"Goodnight, Ms. Cloutier. Lights out in fifteen minutes—believe me when I tell you you will not be pleased if I find you out of bed after that." His voice was calm as he dipped his quill in ink, but he kept his eyes trained on his parchment, only lifting them up after he'd heard the door to his study close.
Half an hour later, Snape finished his work and instead of retiring immediately to his own room, he walked quietly to the West Wing.
He stood outside of Marie's room and listened, but heard nothing. There was no light coming from beneath her door so he could only hope she was in bed, following his instructions. For once.
Next he walked across the hall to Soren's room, opening the door to check on him briefly. He moved silently to the boy's bedside and stared down at his sleeping form, his heart swelling when he noticed the smile on the little boy's face. His lashes looked long and dark against his pale skin. Without thinking, Snape reached down and pulled the blankets up further on top of him, tucking him in once more. The room felt slightly cold, so with a flick of his wand he added another few logs to the fire, hoping this would keep him warm enough throughout the night.
Before he left, he reached into his pocked and pulled out the toy dragon's egg, setting it down on the bedside table. He'd debated about giving it back to the boy, particularly after he'd been in trouble, but after some thought he decided he should reward his honesty and smart choices just as he punished his poor ones. Besides, he'd thoroughly checked it out, other than distracting him, there was nothing harmful or destructive about the toy (even if he personally found it utterly annoying).
Snape took one more long look at the sleeping boy and let out a deep breath, feeling more conflicted than ever. "I'm doing my best," he said as his hand reached down and smoothed across the boy's silky black hair. "I promise I'll keep trying— I won't give up…Sleep well, my boy."
He let his hand linger there for another few seconds before he swept out of the room, determined to get a decent night of sleep and hoping tomorrow would be a better day.
Author's End Note:
Happy New Year everyone! I hope you have an AMAZING 2024 filled with health, happiness, and all of your dreams coming true.
I'm SO sorry to bring you into the New Year with so much angst- BUT- I promise, we've got some really good things ahead so just hang in there with me. Everyone's just having some growing pains right now. Please trust the process!
But at least we're starting to see the cracks, which means there's growth and change happening even if it's a bit hard to watch. As always, I can't wait to hear your thoughts! Lots of love! ❤️